text:
Chapter One

_I own neither Stargate nor the X-COM franchise. No infringement is intended, no profit is to made and I'm just not worth the hassle of suing anyway unless you want a share of the wages of an underpaid Civil Servant._

_This is a crossover Fic between two radically different organisations that were set up in the late 1990's to deal with an Extra-Terrestial threat to Earth, only here they exist on the same Earth, fighting two separate wars until their paths converge. In an infinite multiverse there's got to be a world on the other side of the Quantum Mirror which isn't worse for humanity right?_

_Don't worry if you're not greatly familiar with X-COM, or Stargate for that matter, there are detailed Author's Notes at the bottom of each chapter with handy hyperlinked references to help you out!_

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STARGATE - PLANET PX9-757 – JULY 2000

The Jaffa guarding the chappa'ai raised their staff weapons and charged them, anything could be coming through and they didn’t want to meet the fate of the guards who had clearly been caught unawares by the Tau’ri agents who had recently come to this world and sabotaged the vessel that was being constructed here. There was a rumour in the ranks that the Tau’ri had used salvaged Atoniek technology to achieve the feat but nobody knew for sure. In any case the loyal Jaffa warriors would meet any enemy of their God Apophis with courage in their hearts and their staff in their hands as benefits the scions of millennia of martial tradition and service.

The splash-like energy backwash caused by the chappa'ai’s incoming wormhole bought the half dozen Jaffa to full alert. The planetary garrison was smaller now the shipyard was destroyed and the redeployment of troops and weaponry to more important worlds meant they had no Staff-Cannon trained on the gate but nevertheless anything that came through the shimmering event horizon of the gate at less than supersonic speed was going to be in trouble once plasma bolts began to rain down upon it.

It was no man that stepped through the gate but instead a machine of some kind that clattered through the stargate on metal tracks. One of the Jaffa laughed. ‘It is one of the Tau’ri reconnaissance devices’ he declared, the heart that had been pounding in his chest in anticipation of battle starting to slow its frantic beat immediately. They all knew of the use of such mechanisms by the humans of Earth though none present had set eyes upon one before.

‘I have heard that the Tau’ri call them “Malps” or something similar’ another Jaffa declared. ‘It must mean something in their language though I know not what.’

‘They must have sent it to see if we had vacated this world’ the Jaffa who had first identified the machine theorised. ‘Shall we destroy it?’ he asked, aiming his staff.

‘It is no threat’ a third Jaffa stated. ‘We could capture it and offer it to Lord Apophis as a trophy’ he suggested. ‘It’s technology is inferior to that of the Gods but he may reward us for our initiative.’

‘You speak wisely’ the first Jaffa agreed. ‘Come help me see how we can disable its power source. We may need a litter to drag it back to camp but it is not so big’ he said putting down his Staff and starting to walk towards the machine which supposedly carried audio and visual recording devices that were undoubtedly sending pictures and sound to the fools that had thrown it away by sending it here. He fought back the urge to yell insults at the machine, better they see the smug impression on his face as he approached.

Part of the machine swung around to point itself at him as he approached. Assuming it was a camera the Jaffa could not help but give it a wave. A split second later some kind of external speaker fitted to the “Malp” device spoke up.

‘_Lay down your arms and surrender_’ the machine commanded in a slightly distorted electronic tone. ‘_If you fail to do so immediately you will face lethal force_’ it told them.

The Jaffa laughed again. ‘You have a better sense of humour than I thought Tau’ri Gonach’ the closest to the machine replied wondering if they knew enough of the Goa’uld tongue to recognise the foul insult and hoping they did.

‘_You were warned, no second chances_’ the machine replied and a beam of bright coherent red light lanced out from the part of the device pointing at him and instantly burned a gaping hole right through the Jaffa’s chest, vaporising both flesh, breast-plate and the chain-mail armour underneath in a split second.

The first Jaffa was still falling to the ground with an astonished expression on his face when the machine's weapon started to swing swiftly around to engage the next warrior.

They were well trained and had worshipped their Lord for many years, practising for combat every day so that they could serve him to the best of their ability, so the remaining Jaffa got over their shock very rapidly and the first on numerous staff-blasts hit the machine just before it fired again. Unfortunately for the warrior who was promptly cut neatly in half by the now scything laser beam, the plasma merely scorched and slightly pitted the thick armour plate the Tau’ri combat-capable robot carried, and did _not_ prevent him ending his days in two separate pieces.

More staff blasts rained in but the machine simply shrugged them off and kept firing. It had originally been designed to withstand considerably more powerful weapons than these and had been subsequently upgraded since then with additional armour. After taking out two more Jaffa in quick succession it starting rumbling down the ramp that led to the stargate, firing on the move as it went, plasma blasts continuing to scorch and pit its metallic surface but doing nothing to stop it.

‘We must flee’ one of the remaining Jaffa declared.

‘Coward’ another retorted continuing to fire again and again to no avail. The Tau’ri had no honour to send a device to do the work of a warrior he thought, they must be surely cowards too he decided before the laser burned into him, incinerating both his lower torso and the Goa’uld larvae that nestled within it.

The skirmish, such as it was, lasted barely two minutes, the last of the Jaffa, the youngest, least experienced and battle-hardened shot in the back as he fled, having already cast aside his staff.

One of the chappa'ai guards was still conscious, and from where he lay bleeding into the dirt from a massive, and only partially cauterised wound, he watched a pair of humans emerge from the gate, sound followed by several more and all carrying what he assumed were weapons though he did not recognise from the pictures he had been shown of captured Tau’ri firearms.

Loyal to the last, unlike his faint-hearted comrade, the Jaffa fought back his pain and tried to raise his staff to shoot at the humans in a last gesture of defiance and piety but one spotted the movement, shouldered his mysterious weapon and fired a less powerful though still deadly version of the laser the machine had used before the Jaffa could get off a shot of his own. The beam struck the Jaffa right between the eyes killing him instantly, the energy boiling his brains as it burned right through his skull on both sides and back out again, lancing through his tight fitting thin metallic skull-cap helmet.

One of the humans surveyed the carnage and nodded his approval. ‘I want these corpses back at base for dissection ASAP’ he ordered. ‘The staff things too, the geeks might find a use for them but they don't look like much to me’ he added. ‘Alright clear the ramp we’ve got a jeep coming through any second’ he continued, ‘I want this ball of rock swept clean of any technology we can salvage and any of the Naquadah shit especially’ he said. ‘That crap’s got real potential boys and girls’ he reminded them, ‘and someone check if the HWP needs more than a new paintjob’ the officer commanded. ‘If it's badly damaged send it back and have them send a replacement in case we need the backup’ he told the trooper that was headed for the machine. A Heavy Weapon’s Platform could give you a very nice edge.

‘Don’t think much of these Jaffa assholes Sir’ one of them observed.

The officer nodded his agreement. ‘They’ve been kicking their asses with MP5’s and the like for years so I’m told’ he replied. ‘Feudal society with badly designed clumsy weaponry’ he noted. ‘Christ if they thought those SGC pussies were bad wait until they get used to _us_ coming through the gates’ he declared with a grin.

‘This one is still breathing’ one of the soldiers said loudly, checking a fallen Jaffa.

‘Stick a medkit on him and stabilise the poor bastard’ the officer ordered. ‘Guess one of them doesn’t get dissected after all’ he said then smiled evilly. ‘Just interrogated and maybe _vivisected_ instead’ he added with a feral grin.

An injection of stimulant bought the wounded Jaffa around just as a four wheeled vehicle rolled through the gate, this wasn’t how the Tau’ri operated, they worked in smaller groups as a rule and were not so… ardently military. ‘Who are you?’ he gasped at the invader who seemed to be treating his wound.

‘Extraterrestrial Combat Unit at your service’ the human replied evenly. ‘They call us X-COM back home, sorry to tell you this but the _bad_ Tau’ri are loose in the Galaxy now, so if there’s a _real_ God you pray to have a quiet word now, because we’re going to rip the fake Goa’uld ones a new asshole’ he declared.

By the time the X-COM team was done scavenging PX9-757 another thirty-two Jaffa warriors were dead, six were taken alive mostly thanks to being shot in non-vital spots then ganked with a stun-rod and the first one from the skirmish at the gate was sitting in Alien Containment in the European X-COM Base in Poland, where the Stargate recovered from the Pacific had been taken. The Jaffa was heavily bandaged up, though both the wondrous Tau’ri battlefield medical kits and the rejuvenating power of his larval Goa’uld had together prevented an otherwise mortal wound from killing him.

The Jaffa had many questions but to be honest the one he was wondering about _most_ was why exactly the Tau’ri had an unusually buff looking _Asgard_ of all things in the next cell? He thought they were allies?

Meanwhile beyond the walls of the armour-plated, sound-proofed, airtight and utterly infallible prison for captured extra-terrestrials the negotiations between X-COM and the representative of the SGC were starting to draw to a conclusion. Things were going to be done very different at Cheyenne Mountain from now on, the days of the old SG teams were numbered, from now on it would be the newly christened XSGCOM that was going to lead the fight against the Goa’uld threat not that the SGC was particularly happy about it.

The X-COM Troopers slated to be assigned to the _other_ Alien War were fairly upbeat about it, why worry abut the Goa'uld? At worst they might implant you with a symbiote, but at least that was still a lot less scary than being impregnated by a damn Chryssalid, and as for the notion of fighting Jaffa instead of Sectoids and their freinds for a few months, well _that_ just sounded like a period of badly needed R&R. Most of them them needed some light duty to get over the damn PTSD that was endemic among any of them with more than half a dozen missions under their belts.

How scary the System Lords were depended largely on whether you were used to fighting _really_ unpleasant aliens. It’s all a matter of perspective when you think about it, and if there was only one thing you were allowed to say about the perspective of the average X-COM grunt, it would be "warped".

CHEYENNE MOUNTAIN – EARTH – AUGUST 2000

‘It’s not like we had a _choice_’ General Hammond told Colonel O’Neill and Major Carter, the two sat across from him around the briefing table, ‘they already had a Stargate of their own and with the DHD they could override _ours_’ he pointed out. ‘We either allowed them into the program or we ran the risk of having _them_ in the driving seat with no prospect of acting as a moderating influence.’

O’Neill crossed his arms. ‘With all due respect Sir from what I can see of their methods it’s going to be like we recruited the NID guys that went around the Galaxy stealing technology instead of putting them in the stockade where they belonged’ he opined.

‘Which is _precisely_ why we need to be there with them, so they don’t alienate our existing allies or worse actually _increase_ our number of enemies blundering about like amateurs’ Hammond responded. ‘I assume you’ve read the files they provided’ he asked, ‘or at least the summary pages’ he added looking at O’Neill.

Carter shook her head in amazement just thinking about it. ‘Casualty rates of well over fifty percent per mission’ she said incredulously. ‘And the average is only _that_ low now because of the laser weapons they’ve been using recently’ she continued. ‘For the first few months of last year they often took _seventy-five_ percent losses from a single mission, she said. ‘I doubt any other military organisation in history has ever sustained losses that high as a matter of course.’

‘Guess they didn’t have the right personnel’ O’Neill surmised.

Carter looked at him. ‘X-COM have access to a far wider recruitment base than we do’ she pointed out. ‘They’ve got the Special-Forces from over a dozen different countries to choose from and they took the very best they could find’ she continued. ‘If you compared our SG Teams with X-COM, half of our people wouldn’t even get past the first stage of being _considered_ to join them, their required standards are too high’ she told him, tapping the file in front of her. ‘Just to get your foot in the door you have to be the elite _of_ the elite.’

Hammond nodded. ‘United States Military personnel on secondment _do_ in fact make up a fair sized portion of X-COM, which made it easier for me to establish a line of communication with them over the last week or so than it might have been otherwise, and everything I’ve heard bears out Major Carter's analysis’ he concurred, ‘but even more than that, the losses they take in combat acts like some kind of sick process of Darwinian selection’ he continued. ‘Only the best, and maybe the luckiest, of them last through enough missions to fully adapt to the nature of the high-intensity combat they are involved in on a regular basis’ he said. ‘If you can’t run like an Olympic sprinter, shoot like Annie Oakley and have reaction times like a rattlesnake you _die_, it’s as simple as that, I’m exaggerating but not by as much as I wish I was’ he added. ‘I couldn't imagine being in a position where I regular sent men on missions where there was a better than even chance of them _not_ coming back but that's _normal_ for these people.’

‘Our problem is’ Carter interjected, ‘and to continue General Hammond’s analogy’ she continued, ‘they’ve _evolved_ a shoot-first and dissect later mentality, which is fine for the war they’ve been fighting until now, but it could be disastrously counterproductive if they play it the same way with us’ she said. ‘This is especially true as regards the Asgard, because like it or not, it’s pretty inconceivable that these “Sectoids” they’ve been fighting aren’t related to our little grey friends, despite the huge gulf in their respective modus operandi.’

O’Neill frowned. ‘I can’t see the Asgard doing some of the stuff that I’ve read about in the files and by the way the photographs clipped to the after-action reports ruined my lunch’ he declared. ‘Abductions? Mutilations? Does that _sound_ like Thor’s people to you?’ he asked rhetorically. ‘It sounds more like the X-Files’ he added.

‘Mulder and Scully never had a Grey locked up in a cell to show people when they asked for proof’ Carter replied wryly. ‘X-COM provided detailed autopsy results, DNA and blood samples plus video recordings of Sectoids in captivity’ she pointed out. ‘Other than the fact they look more generally muscular than any Asgard we’ve encountered before, physically overall they appear to be the same species.’

O’Neill snorted. ‘So who are they?’ he asked. ‘Asgard body-builders that overdid the steroids and got over-aggressive like the guys who take too much testosterone?’ he asked sardonically.

Carter chuckled as she got the mental image of Thor pumping iron. ‘They’re still noticeably weaker than the average human’ she noted. ‘Given the size and weight of the weapons these things carry maybe they needed to bulk up to use them effectively?’ she suggested. ‘A regular Asgard would make for a lousy grunt.’

‘But even if they wanted to do this stuff why would they need to bother with the way they’ve been doing it?’ O’Neill asked. ‘Asgard ships could beam anything they wanted right off the planet from orbit and we’d never know they were there’ he said.

O’Neill took a sip from the glass of water in front of him. ‘These guys land in ships and drag people away, I mean other than the weaponry they’re not even at the technological level of the damn _Goa’uld_ as far as I can tell’ he continued. ‘I mean if they _were_ Asgard what’s the chances you could tag one of their ships with a couple of missiles? Even nuclear ones?’ he asked. ‘We couldn’t even knock down a Ha’tak with a thousand megaton warhead because of the shields, so how the crap is X-COM splashing them with these “Avalanche’s”?’ he queried. ‘They’re just a glorified Phoenix Missile with a low kiloton yield proximity-fused warhead slapped to the front’ he noted tapping one of the pieces of paper scattered across the table.

‘It’s a mystery’ General Hammond agreed. ‘We’re contacting the Asgard and hopefully they can show up with all the answers, but until then there are other issues to consider as well’ he said. ‘Firstly the integration of transferred X-COM personnel into the existing SGC structure’ he began. ‘They’re pushing hard for one or two of their people on SG-1.’

‘No chance’ O’Neill responded in a flash. ‘We’re already fully staffed Sir’ he pointed out.

‘It’s not written in stone that an SG Team only has four members Colonel’ Hammond replied evenly.

O’Neill grimaced. ‘Couldn’t you give them their own teams?’ he asked. ‘I bet they’d _love_ that.’

‘I’m sure they would, but when a dozen alien battlecruisers turn up in orbit demanding the heads of the people that just shot up their planet we _wouldn’t_ love it’ Hammond told him. ‘I want them kept on a leash so we don’t end up with a noose around our necks.’

‘What about Teal’c?’ Carter asked. ‘I hope I’m not being harsh but these people are firmly in the camp that says if it’s not human it ends up on an autopsy table or being tied down and having electrodes inserted into uncomfortable places’ she said. ‘I’ll be fair if I had their track record on meeting aliens I’d be leaning towards xenophobia myself but wouldn’t we be better keeping them away from Teal’c?’ she suggested.

‘Good point Major’ O’Neill agreed. ‘Could be a clash there, wouldn’t want to risk any additional tension between us and them’ he added. Hopefully this would ensure he didn’t have to put up with someone else on his team.

General Hammond looked thoughtful. ‘I agree’ he said. ‘I guess the only choice is to pull Teal’c from SG-1 and hand him over to X-COM to be placed in confinement because that’s what they’re asking for.’

O’Neill’s jaw dropped. ‘You’ve _got_ to be kidding George?’ he exclaimed.

‘The only way Teal’c stays out of a cell is if he’s on SG-1 and we are going to have someone from X-COM on the team too’ Hammond replied. ‘It’s out of my hands’ he said. ‘I pulled all the strings I could to keep him out of a room with bars on the window but if he’s on the loose, which is how _they_ see it, they want one of their people alongside to shoot him if they think it becomes necessary.’

‘So after everything Teal’c has done for us, for this _planet_’ O’Neill replied, ‘we’d allow these rookies to lock him up and throw away the key unless they’ve always got someone around to blow his brains out?’

Hammond nodded. ‘That’s about it’ he confirmed with a shrug. ‘Oh and there’s other news I received just before you arrived’ he added. ‘Technically the SGC is seconded to X-COM so the field personnel like yourself are being put on the same salary as them, it was considered likely to cause further strife between the teams if we didn’t. The Pentagon is picking up the tab and it’s not coming out of my budget I’m glad to say.’

‘Don’t they pay the same to all ranks or something?’ O’Neill asked with a wince. As a Colonel he was bound to get screwed here even if the majority of SG Team members might get a raise.

Hammond sighed. ‘X-COM pay their combat soldiers twenty thousand dollars a month before deductions, and by international agreement those don’t include income tax’ he said. ‘You’ll be on a _lot_ more than I am’ he continued with a mild hint of resentment evident in his voice. ‘Actually I checked and you’ll be making more than any of the Joint Chiefs, or the Vice-President for that matter.’

O’Neill blinked. ‘Twenty thousand a _month_’ he repeated. ‘Why didn’t anybody tell me about this before?’ he asked. ‘I'd have requested a transfer as soon as they started up.’

‘Until recently the SGC and X-COM didn’t even know the other even existed’ Carter pointed out. ‘Only a few people knew about both organisations which is why we never got to share technology before. Sometimes you can take secrecy too far’ she opined.

‘And it just had to be the NID that was one of the groups that knew about both’ O’Neill said sadly. ‘Not that I’m surprised given all the nasty black ops they’ve got a hand in’ he continued. ‘Finding out Maybourne had gone to X-COM once he discovered they’d salvaged the gate didn’t shock me one little bit’ he said. ‘Filled in all the blanks and then acted as an intermediary between them and his Russian KGB buddies when they negotiated for the DHD, goddamn typical.’

‘So you _did_ read all the files?’ Carter asked in surprise.

‘Slow night on TV’ O’Neill replied, actually he wasn’t as averse to paperwork and the like as he made out to be, just as he wasn’t as uneducated as he pretended sometimes also. If you had the reputation of not dealing with reports or memo’s properly, people tended to send you less to deal with, which was all to the good, as was having people underestimating you because you came across like you weren’t necessarily the sharpest knife in the drawer. In reality he had a razor edge and was always ready to draw it across an unsuspecting throat if the ideal opportunity to do arose, which it did pretty often in this line of work.

Carter shrugged, that made sense she thought then frowned. ‘What about Daniel?’ she asked. ‘He’s not military so I guess he’s not included in the new pay deal?’ she asked.

‘Fortunately for Doctor Jackson no he’s not’ Hammond replied with a wry smile on his face.

‘Fortunately?’ O’Neill queried suspiciously.

The General smiled. ‘As a civilian, X-COM are listing him as a member of their science personnel’ he said. ‘That pays _thirty_ thousand a month, tax free as before’ he told them. ‘So I’m _not_ the only one here getting paid less as a nominal superior than my staff is.’

This time Carter blinked. ‘If I resigned my commission how long would it be before I got the extra money?’ she asked eventually. If nothing else she had just discovered why X-COM seemed to have even better R&D people than the SGC too and it wasn’t just because they had a wider recruitment base to work with.

X-COM BASE 2 (NORTH AMERICA) – EARTH – AUGUST 2000

The Marines of SG-3 were led from the elevator through the base corridors straight to one of the aircraft hangers which was currently void of the Skyranger VSTOL transport aircraft that normally lived there. The craft was currently sitting on a landing strip at Area 51, it had transported some of the bases science and engineering teams there so they could check out the stockpile of alien hardware the SGC had been accumulating over the last few years in the hopes they could bring some of their reverse-engineering magic to bare. X-COM lived by the truth that knowledge was power, and sometimes more importantly it was _firepower_.

The team had been chosen by General Hammond to go check out the X-COM hardware that others had been raving about before he approved its use by the SGC, and they were more than happy to do so, though they found it hard to believe some of the stuff they had been told during the trip from Cheyenne Mountain.

‘So you’re the SGC blokes?’ a trooper with a British accent wearing the standard X-COM jumpsuit and sergeants stripes asked, looking them up and down. ‘Come here to see the toys’ he added then grinned. ‘Well at least they sent Marines’ he said, ‘could have been worse I suppose’ he declared and stuck out his hand. ‘Kevin Nash formerly of Her Majesties Royal Marines Special Boat Service and now seconded from Special Forces to X-COM, or as we like to think of it, _very_ Special Forces’ he said shaking their hands. ‘Come along lads you’ll like these’ he promised heading for a bench that had been set up and which now held a number of different weapons and other indeterminate items.

Major Wade the commander of SG-3 looked over the hardware. ‘These the Lasers?’ he asked pointed at a bulky looking pistol and a large boxy looking rifle. It had been painted from the looks of it, and then subjected to harsh treatment so that in some places the paint had flaked off revealing what looked like a shell of red plastic underneath. Why the hell would anyone make it _red_, he wondered? Well at least someone else, probably a grunt with more brains than the designer, had seen fit to change it to a more tactically useful colour.

‘L2-A1 Hades Laser Rifle’ the X-COM Sergeant nodded reaching down to pick it up. ‘couple of pounds heavier than an ordinary assault rifle like the M16A2 or G-36 but you more than make up for it in the weight of ammunition you don’t have to carry.’

‘How many shots, or how much charge does it hold I mean?’ Wade asked, not being sure what the correct terminology was.

‘Unlimited’ the British Sergeant told him in a serious tone then after a couple of seconds of incredulous looks he grinned again. ‘No not really, but it seems like that’ he told them. ‘It’s around two-hundred and seventy-five to three hundred shots off a full charge, you just plug them in after a mission to power them up again, most of the casing is taken up by the power-pack.’

‘But what if you run out of… charge… in the middle of a firefight?’ Wade queried.

‘How many magazines do you carry for your M16A2 when you go off on a mission?’ the Sergeant responded. ‘More than ten?’ he asked rhetorically. ‘The L2-A1 carries the equivalent of that many shots and it’s a fuck load more dangerous with each one Sir, trust me’ he said. ‘Leading the target is a piece of piss with a laser, you don’t _need_ to’ he told them. ‘It’ll burn through body armour which would stop a tungsten-cored 7.62mm armour-piercer dead in its tracks like a hot knife through butter, and as for aiming it's just point and shoot, no bullet-drop in flight to worry about’ he continued. ‘There’s not even any recoil, so you can fire a three shot burst and they all end up in exactly the same place as long as you’ve got a steady hand.’

Major Wade looked at the weapon again, more appreciatively this time. ‘Are you on commission for selling these things Sergeant?’ he asked. ‘Because that’s the best sales pitch I’ve ever heard’ he told him seriously.

‘If we were a company Sir _I’d_ buy shares in us’ the sergeant replied with a smile. ‘Once we start selling these on the open market every other weapons manufacturer on the planet is going out of business’ he declared. ‘Even the L1-A2 Laser Pistol there is beyond anything I could have hoped for before I started this job, it’s just a fucking shame the bug gear is even better’ he added regretfully.

‘Bug?’ Wade queried.

‘Sectoids’ Nash explained. ‘I hear that you call them the Asgard, good name because they’d _better_ be watching their little grey arses when we get the new ships off the drawing board.’

‘Jury’s out on whether they’re the same race’ Major Wade advised him. They looked very much alike he had to admit, but the differences in technology and behaviour were so great as to render that seem trivial as far as most of the SGC was concerned.

‘I don’t believe much in coincidences Sir, but they just pay me to slot bugs and I leave the politics to the people higher up the chain’ the sergeant told him. ‘But I’ll tell you straight that if the Commander decides we’re going to war with these Asgard, then there’s not a Trooper or Pilot in X-COM that won’t follow’ he vowed.

‘Sergeant they’re more powerful that you can imagine’ Wade told him, trying not to sound condescending. ‘Earth is barely holding it’s own against people that the Asgard think are _third-raters_. You don’t know just how outclassed we truly are compared to the rest of the universe’ the Marine stated honestly.

‘It’s only a matter of time Major’ the sergeant replied confidently, Wade thought it was hubris but made no comment. ‘Right' the sergeant began, changing the subject, ‘we’ve set up targets on the other side of the hanger for you to have a go at with the Lasers, no need to worry about ricochets of course’ he said. ‘Those metal plates are equivalent to the armour the Jaffa wear so prepare to see why these Goa’uld you’ve been fighting are going to start waking up at night in a cold sweat every time they dream of the day they decided to fuck with the human race’ he declared haughtily. ‘Oh yeah, the guys over in Europe tried out one of those Staff-Weapons on our new armour, no penetration but just don’t get hit too many times in the same place because they say repeated blasts start to crystallise the alloy whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean.’

‘Any other secret weapons?’ Major Wade asked curiously.

‘Well the Motion Scanners are bloody high-tech, I ain’t got a clue how they work, but we don’t use them too often in the field anyway’ Nash replied. ‘The Medi-Kits are the dogs bollocks though, saved my arse more than once when I was leaking like a sieve’ Nash replied. ‘What we’re all waiting for in the ground-pounders is when they get plasma-guns figured out so we can even things up with the bugs but I hear that’s on hold while the egg-heads see what we can do with Goa’uld gear. They’re supposed to be raving about something called a Zatty-nickle.’

‘Zat’nik’tel’ the Major corrected him. ‘We call them Zat guns, only decent weapon the Jaffa carry, at least it’s the only one _we_ ever bother to use.’

‘Well whatever you call it they say it’ll make retrieving live aliens a lot easier and it might even be a solution to those crab bastards’ the X-COM man said, an involuntary shudder running through his body just thinking about them.

Wade looked at him. ‘Crab bastards?’ he queried.

‘Chryssalids’ the Sergeant explained, ‘be grateful you’ve never met one, I had to shoot a mate who got impregnated with an incendiary round before he turned into one himself’ he said. ‘Runs at better than forty miles an hour, claws that’ll rip through a HWP and they always look like they’re grinning’ he continued. ‘Makes your skin crawl it does. We only ever got one of them alive, they played the tape of the science team cutting it up when it was still breathing to us in the mess hall later that week, we were _cheering_, swear to god’ he said raising his right hand. ‘So do you want me to show you how the Hades works then Sir?’ he asked. ‘There’s not much to it, no moving parts so nothing to strip down and clean, just an on/off switch, a fire-selector and a trigger’ he said. ‘It’s the Infantryman’s dream’ he said then smiled, ‘and every extra-terrestrial wanker’s nightmare’ he added.

After the first dozen shot’s with the L2-A1 Hades the whole of SG-3 would have given their right nut to take them back with them to the SGC. Fortunately for them X-COM only accepted cold-hard cash and offered them for $36,900 apiece, well they did have overheads after all and it wasn’t like they were a charity or anything. They did offer a bulk discount on the armour however, $50,000 each and they already came with the new XSGCOM badge painted on. Well you’ve got to brand the product right?

_NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR:_

_If you're unfamiliar with X-COM then I cannot express too strongly that you should get hold of the games. Even though it was released way back in 1993 the first X-COM: UFO Defense was still voted the best computer game of all time by IGN in 2009._

_The links below should help quite a bit if you're unfamiliar with X-COM or SG-1. There are also detailed author's notes at the end of each chapter with hyperlinked references._

_Basic Information on X-COM
Game Outline
An online X-COM Ufopaedia
Another on-line X-COM Ufopaedia (this one uses the same format as the game)
X-COM Timeline
Stargate Timeline
Stargate Seasons and Summaries
Technology in Stargate
Stargate Wiki_

_The X-COM Troopers may seem arrogant, overly-aggressive jerks... and they are but there are reasons for that. It's canon in the X-COM Universe that those who fought in the First Alien War 1999-2003 suffered more from PTSD than soldiers in any other war in history. This was due to the frenzied nature of the combat, Psionic attacks by the aliens and their horrific casualty rates. On average during the war an X-COM soldier had a 25% chance of being killed in their first mission and it's only that low because the casualty rate dropped off drastically as Earth caught up with the aliens technologically, back-engineering their advanced weapons and turning them back on the invaders. At the start of the war it wasn't unusual to lose more than half a team (in a victorious engagement) so them not treating the SG Teams who have only been fighting Jaffa with huge respect is par for the course at first. The culture-clash is not a permanent state of affairs (well it never fades completely, X-COM is far more likely to resort to violence than the SGC)._

_The X-COM and SG-1 timelines converge here in roughly the middle of 2000, at which point I have X-COM using Laser Weaponry and Personal Armour but not yet Plasma Weapons or ships developed from back-engineered Alien Tech (though the Firestorm is on the drawing board). X-COM makes widespread use of tracked Heavy Weapons Platforms which are basically a heavily armed and armoured MALP. For SG-1 it's around the time of Season 4 episode 4:07 Watergate, though here it was X-COM that retrieved the gate not the Russians. More background story as to what brought them to this point will follow in later chapters._

_The main enemy at the beginning of X-COM: UFO Defense were the Sectoids, a genetically engineered clone race who were supported in their campaign by other alien species such as the Floaters, Snakemen, Reapers and the horrifying Chryssalid. The Sectoids also used small hovertank called the Cyberdisc as fire-support. Other even more dangerous races would appear later in the game._ _Typical alien missions are Research, Harvesting and Abduction using a variety of ships from the tiny Small Scout to the large Battleship._

_The Sectoids utilised very powerful plasma weapons (powerful in the sense that you could use them to blow a hole in a wall large enough to fit through) these being far more lethal than a Jaffa Staff as well as being much more ergonomically designed for accuracy. At this point in the story they're mainly using the Plasma Pistol and Plasma Rifle although even deadlier weapons are starting to gradually appear_

question: What stepped through the wormhole?

answer: A machine of some kind the Jaffa believe is called "Malps" by the Tau'ri.

question: What did the machine do?

answer: While the Jaffa originally thought it a harmless piece of technology, the machine demanded the Jaffa lay down their weapons. When the Jaffa refused, it shot a beam of red light like a canon, vaporizing the Jaffa's chest, breastplate and all.

question: How did the Jaffa respond?

answer: Since they are well trained for combat, they quickly responded to the attack and began to combat the machine. Some wanted to flee, but they remained fighting, thinking the Tau'ri cowards for sending a machine to fight for them. All of the Jaffa guards perished.

question: What happened to the last Jaffa guard alive?

answer: He was merely rendered unconscious by the machine. When humans came through the portal with Tau'ri weaponry, he fought through his pain and raised his staff in a desperate attempt to fight back. The human raised a weapon and fired a less powerful beam than the one from the canon. However, it was still lethal, and struck the Jaffa between the eyes, killing him instantly.

question: Write a ~3 sentence summary.

answer: The Jaffa guards are standing in front of a newly opened wormhole, awaiting whatever may come through. A machine of some kind emerges and demands the Jaffa drop their weapons, but when they refuse, the machine fires a laser beam like a canon, instantly vaporizing a Jaffa soldier. Though the Jaffas fought back valiantly, they all perished in about 2 minutes at the hands of the machine.


split: train

text:
The SOLOMON ISLANDS AMBASSADORS TO TAIWAN were the official representatives of the Solomon Islands government in the period from 1983 to 2019 when the Solomon Islands recognised Taiwan. On 15 September 2019, the parliament of the Solomon Islands voted to change diplomatic recognition from the Republic of China (Taiwan) to the People's Republic of China. Consequently, Joseph Waleanisia was the last ambassador to Taiwan.
See list of ambassadors of Solomon Islands to China for ambassadors since 15 September 2019.

List of representatives

  | Agreement approved/Diplomatic accreditation   | ambassador                  | Chinese language   | Observations                                                                                | Prime Minister of the Solomon Islands   | Premier of the Republic of China   | Term end
  ----------------------------------------------- ----------------------------- -------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------- ------------------------------------ ------------
                                                                                The governments in Taipei and Honiara established diplomatic relations.                                                                                Solomon Mamaloni                          Sun Yun-suan
                                                  Lindsay Fakasaermaru Misros   米羅斯               [1]                                                                                Solomon Mamaloni                          Lee Huan
                                                                                Embassy established                                                                                Manasseh Sogavare                         Tang Fei
                                                  Seth Gukuna                   辜庫納               2003, September The Ambassador of the Solomon Islands to Taiwan (Gukuna) is replaced after his criticism of a Taiwanese politician.                                                                                Manasseh Sogavare                         Tang Fei
                                                  Beraki Jino                   博羅奇．基諾                                                                                Allan Kemakeza                            Yu Shyi-kun
                                                  Victor Samuel Ngele           恩雷                 Victor Samuel Ngele presents credentials to President Malaysia, 2010/3/23,Jul 16, 2013 - Solomon Islands High Commissioner accredited to Malaysia, Victor Ngele has finally presented his letter of Credence to the King of Malaysia[2]   Derek Sikua                               Wu Den-yih
                                                  Laurie Chan                   陳學仕                                                                                Gordon Darcy Lilo                         Sean Chen
                                                  Gladys Luahiti                                     Chargé d'Affaires                                                                                Gordon Darcy Lilo                         Jiang Yi-huah
                                                  Joseph Pius Waleanisia        王哲夫               Solomon Islands parliament votes to transfer recognition from Taiwan to the People's Republic of China                                                                                Manasseh Sogavare                         Lin Chuan
                                                  Recalled                                           Taiwan embassy in Honiara closes at 11:00hrs.[3]                                                                                Manasseh Sogavare                         Lin Chuan
                                                  None possible                                      Joint communiqué establishes diplomatic relations with PRC[4]                                                                                Manasseh Sogavare

[5]

[1] Lindsay Fakasaermaru Misros

[2] 1Victor Samuel Ngele

[3]

[4]

[5] solomons_org_tw

title: List of ambassadors of the Solomon Islands to Taiwan

question: Why did the Solomon Islands vote to change diplomatic recognition of Taiwan?

answer: There is not sufficient information to answer the question.

question: Who is the current ambassador to Taiwan from the Solomon Islands?

answer: There has been no ambassador since 2019 when diplomatic recognition of Taiwan changed

question: How long did the Solomon Islands recognize Taiwan?

answer: 36 years

question: What was Seth Gukuna's role?

answer: Ambassador of the Solomon Islands to Taiwan

question: Write a ~3 sentence summary.

answer: This article discusses former Ambassadors of the Solomon Islands to Taiwan. It also mentions that that position no longer exists. Several former ambassadors are listed.


text:
The dust stung my eyes before I could close them.   Sediment and sand singed my retinas and invaded my mouth, twisting and turning on my tongue and sticking to my throat.  My hands flew up to my eyes instinctively, deserting the wheel, and the car span out of control.  There was nothing I could do.  It was beautiful and calming, the feeling of losing control, the knowledge that no matter what I tried to do the outcome would not change. They would find me dead in the desert ravaged and torn in a stolen jacket, mangled and smashed in the ruins of a stolen car.   I lay at peace amidst the chaos and readied myself for oblivion.   The car whimpered to a halt.  Turning my head from the baking sun I saw the package sprawled on the back seat, trying pointlessly and pitifully to block the gloom that was breaking through with the realisation that I was still alive.  Rolling the window up, immediately I remembered why I’d put it down in the first place; It was hot as hell in the desert.

I am a delivery man of the ghastliest kind. I deliver bad things to bad people and I don’t ask questions and I do what they tell me.  This particular delivery was a package, to be taken to a contact of a boss of mines in the city.   I don’t exist, they don’t want me to, and I’m perfectly happy with that, but sometimes the evil and the sickness that I’m a part of makes my bones quiver and my skin shiver with an incontrollable surge of disgust that consumes me and urges me to wash the dirt away, clean out all the evil of the tiny holes and gaps its filled like mould and put things right.    But I had a package to deliver by dawn, and all I wanted was to get out of the desert.
Dawn was enveloping the towers and buildings of the city which were like tall shadows in the half-light of early morning, the solitude and emptiness of the desert became a distant dream.  I stopped on a street close to the destination of the package.  It would be an hour or more before the city crept into life, cars crawling and people trudging along in different directions but sharing the same soulless existence.
I was glad I would miss the whole depressing spectacle.  I looked at my watch.  Thirty minutes.

At first I assumed the thuds were the noisy epilogue of a dream I was having, but the car was shaking now at irregular intervals, like an impatient child kicking a broken toy, again and again my own private earthquake. Something was in the trunk.

My body leapt and I was out of the car.  I walked round to the left hand side of the car, stood in front of the trunk and looked around.  No one, nothing, except a solitary car in the distance turning left out of sight.  Decisively, I lifted the trunk and was smacked in the face with the smell and the sight of the creature that lay tied up and twisted before me.  He was gagged, beaten and bloodied, a distorted version of a human being, terrified and helpless.  It was so gruesome I couldn’t draw my eyes away.
I tore the tape from his mouth, unwittingly ripping away pieces of parched skin in the process.  Droplets of blood flowed softly from his gasping lips and he began to gasp languidly like a runner who’d ran the length of the world without stopping.
“Don’t……”
The sounds were compressed and squeezed.
“Don’t kill me.”
Standing in stunned silence I imagined myself through the man’s eyes, his captor, tormentor and now his killer, an evil man.   But I was his saviour.    In that moment, with the sun rising and stinging his wounds and with me standing over his broken body like a brute, there seemed no amount of words capable of conveying to the man that I was the antithesis of everything he thought I was, the man who’d saved him from oblivion rather than plunge him into it, regardless of whether I meant to or not.
There was no point in speaking.  I lifted him from the trunk and laid him on the passenger seat.  His injuries were not as desperate as I first thought, both eyes were blackened like wastelands of ash, his nose crooked and bent, yet nothing life- threatening.   His breathing was erratic and broken; he was dehydrated, mumbling with parched lips famished for liquid.    I snatched a bottle of water from the back seat and poured clumsily onto the man.
“I have something I have to do.  I’ll try to be back soon and I will take you to a hospital, or….. something.”
The man drank frantically then stared at me with his trodden eyes which were like gruesome slits, confused as to whether to be terrified or thankful.
“This…. I’m not the person that did this, this isn’t my car, I took….. I stole this car from someone, I never knew….”
The man was newly energised and vitalised, and began to understand.
“I know.  It’s my car.  They put me in the trunk of my own damn car.”
I stood in the heat of the morning unsure of what to do next.
“Just wait here”

Before long, I was out of the building and into the street, walking speedily to the alleyway.   I turned left and there lay emptiness where I had left the car.  The adrenaline of confusion had caused me to forget the keys to the car.  The man’s words echoed around like a curse in the back of my head.
“In my own car. They put me in the trunk of my own damn car.”
It was his car, and now he’d taken it, just like I’d stolen it from a man who’d stolen it from him.  It was logical.  The bad guy never wins, and now the good guy had what was his and was driving into the sunset.  What does that make me?  Can there be a midway point where good and evil meet?    I looked at the swarms of people beginning to buzz around as the morning rush hour grabbed hold of the city, the event I’d ached to miss.    I asked myself a question.  Am I really a bad man?  They swarmed like ants around me, going to offices, restaurants, going home, going away, going somewhere.
I’ve been watching life through a rear view mirror.  I felt the gun in my belt and massaged its cold lips.

He answered the door again, like the same as last time, his floppy hair still greasy and unkempt, his housecoat still flung recklessly around his thin and wiry frame.
“What?”
“Have you ever heard of Noah’s ark?” I stood cold and still, hand on my belt.
“Look, man, I’ve given you your money, don’t start all this pyscho-psuedo crap with me, we’ve…”
I cut him off swiftly.
“Just…..listen”

He sighed and flung his hands to his waist and stood swaying and fidgeting waiting excitedly to slam the door in my face.  I started speaking, composed and hard.

“God told Noah that human life was going to be destroyed by a great flood, and told him to build a boat that would save him, a righteous man, his family, and two types of every animal.  Do you know why God sent this flood to destroy civilisation?”
“Why?” He was impatient, sarcastic, enjoying the display of madness and breakdown he thought he was witnessing, a smirk etching itself across his face.
 “Because civilisation had grown corrupt, evil, unfit to live.”  I felt the gun for the last time, seducing me. It was my ark.
“And?”
“I am the flood.”

title: A story I wrote last year for an exam.

question: Where is the narrator?

answer: The narrator is driving through the desert.

question: What type of things does the narrator deliver?

answer: Not explicitly stated, but it seems as though the narrator is involved in some sort of illegal crime organization.

question: Who is in the trunk of the car?

answer: The person in the trunk of the car is the owner of the car. He was beaten and then placed in the trunk, and then the narrator stole said car.

question: Why does the narrator have a gun

answer: Not answered.

question: Write a ~6 sentence summary.

answer: The narrator is driving through the desert, on his way to deliver some package at dawn for his employer. He hates his work and feels evil consuming him. He discovers there is a badly-beaten man in the trunk of the car he is using. It turns out that this is the owner of the car. The narrator goes off to deliver the package, but when he returns, he finds that the man drove off with his car. However, he finds and confronts him shortly after.


text:
Eric Falkenstein posted the following chart, which apparently comes from a book by Simon Lack, showing the real breakdown of hedge fund profits.

[]

 Falkenblog
After fees and fund-of-fund fees, just 3 percent of profits end up going to investors.

Part of the reason for dismal returns?

The slaughter of 2008, which caused a total wipeout of real investor profits.

[]

 Falkenblog
We can't verify the stats, and we suspect that measuring this stuff is pretty tough. But the general idea that the big money in hedge funds comes from running them, not investing in them, seems hard to argue with.

(Via Kevin Depew)

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[]

question: What is the source of this blog post?

answer: Falkenblog

question: Who is the author of this blog post?

answer: It may be Eric Falkenstein, but that is not certain.

question: How much profits go to investors after fees?

answer: 3% of profits

question: What 2008 event is referenced in the blog post?

answer: The market crash

question: What type of article is this?

answer: A blog post

question: Write a ~4 sentence summary.

answer: The blog post from Falkenblog briefly describes hedge fund profits. After fees, only 3% of profits end up in the hands of investors. The author blames this partly on the 2008 market crash. They conclude that the big money in hedge funds come from running them rather than investing in them.


text:
The warrior sat with his back to an old gnarled tree, his eyes closed. He wondered how he could be so weak. Fifteen years of training was not enough to protect her, the only one he ever felt that loved him. His muscles twitched involuntarily, blood seeped slowly from many wounds. The goblins had done a good job of beating his body after he had lost consciousness.

If only the cowards hadn't used Ellen to distract him, if they had fought as men with honor, No! He could not blame the goblins, the loss he suffered was due to his weakness. If he would have killed them straight away then maybe, but there is no way to change things now.

Slowly he opened his eyes. Blurry eyed and foggy minded he checked himself. His tan flesh was a dark black color where it wasn't caked with blood, at first he thought it was due to bruising, then after touching his forearm, he discovered it was a fine black powder, "What is this?" he pondered, looking ahead where the beautiful farmhouse had once been was nothing but a heaping pile of smoldering ash. The filth burned his home to the ground, probably after killing Ellen.

He wept. He wept for himself, for Ellen, for the life they had only recently started together. He had fallen in love with her when he was a mere boy. He became a fighter in hopes of impressing her only to find that those many years ago she had fancied him as a simple farmer's son. After what seemed like an hour he tried to stand, his legs shook, his vision swam but he did not falter. He limped towards the pile intending to find and give Ellen a decent burial.

He found the charred remains of a skeleton that was roughly her size. He could feel vomit coming up his throat, but he swallowed it, it left a bitter taste, he ignored it. He walked to the tool shed that was a few yards behind the house, far enough away that it was not consumed by the flames, but the smoke had done some damage. He opened the shed and pulled out a spade, he began digging her grave, and as he did more tears sprung from his eyes. Though his muscles ached he forced them on, inch by inch, the hole got deeper, pound by pound dirt was moved.

After digging approximately seven feet, he stopped. He hoisted himself out, collected the bones together and set them down into the grave and replaced the moved earth. He knew no words of peace or parting, he had no faith in gods of any kind. He simply kneeled before her grave and bade her farewell. As he stood up, he heard a thin voice behind him say, "One should never leave the body of a loved one, not without a cleric to guide them on to the After."

Though startled he showed no signs, he turned and faced the owner of the voice, not a spec of flesh to be seen, he wore a hood that was so low it covered most of his face, and whatever wasn't covered by hood was covered by his high collar. His cloak was the color of sand, his robe the color of dried blood, he wore black leather gloves and boots.

"I know no clerics, and it is not within my ability to convince one to come out this far from a city for a simple farmers wife." The man slumped his shoulders as if insulted, he pulled from within his robe an ankh made of silver. He walked past the warrior and stood at the foot of the grave. Carefully, reverently, he placed the ankh on the center of the grave and started saying a prayer of passing in the tongue of the ancients.

The ankh began to glow a bright blue, and it sank into the dirt as if water, being soaked up greedily by the thirsty earth. "My apologies, and many thanks cleric, by pure chance you happened upon me when I needed you most." said the warrior.

The cleric chuckled, which sounded more like a series of light coughs. "This was not chance, the great Asheros brought me to this location. If not for him, your wife may have been found by the scavengers and turned into a disgusting undead, but now", said the cleric, " the land is consecrated and cannot be touched by that ilk. Her peace will never be disturbed."

The warrior bowed his head and said " Again I apologize, please tell me your name so I know who I owe my service to."

Within his hood the cleric smiled. "My name is Delphose," he said, struggling to hold back laughter, "Delphose Anari. I follow the path laid before me by the great Asheros."

With his head still bowed, the warrior pleaded "Please tell me more of Asheros. Never before have I heard of this being."

The cleric gasped as if dumbfounded "Never heard of Asheros?! The lesser gods bow before him. When he walks the earth trembles. When he is angered, storms tear lands apart, he is a god who wishes to purify our world of evil so it may be at peace."

"Purify of evil..." mutters the warrior, he made a decision then, "I will join you on your journey Delphose, wherever you may be going, I will assist you in any way that I can. To rid the world of evil so none will have to suffer as I have." The warrior again looked over his small farm, at the damaged crops, the burned home, and lastly his eyes came to rest on the grave.

"I will teach you of Asheros, if you believe in his great power, you will be remade. Your past matters not, only your future matters to his greatness. You will be the first in centuries to be inducted into his knighthood..." The farmers face lit up at the thought of fighting in the name of a god, as a knight no less. Ellen would be proud. If only...

title: Creating Disposition, The rise of the first knight of Asheros. <1000 words.

question: Describe the main character's wife.

answer: Her name was Ellen. She was killed by the goblins who attacked him. His goal was to give Ellen a decent burial. He finds her skeleton in the charred ruins of his house. After he buries her, a cleric appears and does a ritual for her.

question: Describe Asheros and his worship.

answer: Asheros' holy symbol is the ankh. He is described as the God above all other Gods. The cleric serves him, and is surprised the knight has never heard of this God. The knight offers to join the cleric on his journey.


text:
He was speeding. Driving twice the limit,
full of excitement and anticipation. He slowed down as his
automated direction giver announced a shorter distance
to his destination with every turn. Eventually he arrived,
his six hundred mile journey had finally reached its end.
And now his heart could start his first step. He parked
behind his arrival location, making every movement
discreet as possible. He looked over himself,  in his car's
mirrors, trying and hoping that he looked as good as
possible. When he deemed himself presentable, he grabbed
something from the glove compartment, and set out.

He was going to surprise her, the two hadn't spoken in
months; and now that they were of age, he could
finally make his intentions clear. He walked slowly, trying to
keep his composure, and his cocktail of emotions under wraps.
Excitement and nerves, it would be the first time that the two
would meet, yet they've known each other, and loved each other
for years by this point. They dreamed of this day, and hopefully
this would live up to all of their dreams and imagination.

He exhaled, and continued the final leg of his journey with
confidence in his strut. His hands in his coat pockets, fumbling
with the item he pulled from his car. He stepped up the steps to her
door, and knocked with three heavy knocks, quick in their repitition.

He could hear heavy footfalls coming from the other side of the door.
Hoping she would answer, he held a certain kind of joyful stance. The
composure would die as quick as a short breath after calisthenics. To his
surprise, she did not open the door, but a taller much more somber looking
woman answered. He tried to hide his intial disappointment, and cleared
his throat.

"Is Breanne there?"

There was a pause in the air, a lingering feeling of doubt, as if he asked the
wrong question. His doubts were answered as tears rolled down the woman's
face. He was clueless, wondering how such a question could cause this reaction.

"What's your name, son?"

He answered quickly."Edgar, Edgar Williams."

She nodded. "She's talked about you, I recognised you from a photo she shared with me"

There was a curious look on his face, then she motioned for him to come inside.
He walked in, and the door closed behind him. She pointed to the small, black
leather couch in the living room in front of him. He sat down, anticipating either
bad news or a stern talking to. She, though aware of the stranger in her home,
walked upstairs to get something. Edgar sat there in silence, observing the area
around him. She then came downstairs, hold a few pieces of paper in her ebony hands.

"This is for you, you were the only person she wrote to besides her actual note.
Seeing as how you're here, I can only assume you don't know."

She handed him the papers, her hands shaking, and him looking at her with a look
of curiosity.
"Don't know what, ma'am?"

She coughed, but then spoke. "She died last month, she killed herself."

Edgar's world just came crashing down on him. He looked at her in agony,
his caucasian complexion redding as he broke down in tears. She sat down
next to him, a smooth arm wrapping around him, consoling him as he cried.

"I didn't read the note she did put aside for you and you only. Not to push
you, but what did she say?"

He stopped, sniffed, and wiped his eyes. He took ahold of the papers. He looked
down at the papers to see a letter, a picture, and a folded paper heart. He
unfolded the heart first, and to his surprise he saw it was one of his own writings
to her, a poem he wrote to her when they first starting falling for each other. He
placed that down to the side, as the mother  picked it up and read it intently. He
looked at the photograph, a self potrait polaroid of Breanne. On the back of the
picture, it read this. "Don't ever forget my love is always here. I'm sorry"
Breanne's mother spoke up. "The letter"
He wiped his eyes from freshly falling tears, and held the letter up so he could read.

"Edgar

Our love may last forever, but alas, I cannot outlast Death. I could write novels as to
how I came to make this decision, but I will simplify. Life hit me in a wave that I could
not handle. I hope my mother is sober enough to provide further points of clarification.
I hold nothing against her, but she wasn't there like you were. So even if I pushed you
back, I always loved you. And I hope you know that for forever. And while we could
never be, I'll always be your darling, your darling, your life and your bride. I ask you
not to hate me for what I have done, as I know it may seem I've cheated you out of
forever, but I did what I thought was necessary. My heart is, and always was yours.

With love and apologies,

Breanne"

It was short, and to the point, like most suicide notes. No tears rolled down his face nor
the Mother's. The subsiding sniffles from earlier were dying out.
"Take me to her" He asked, almost demandingly.
"I don't think you want to do that," She said with a caring inflection.
He looked at her puzzlingly, and with a twisted look on his face, he was enraged.
"WHY!? She's dead and maybe because of you!"
He realised the sudden pang of his words, as he watched her collapse onto him.
He kept muttering apology after apology. Instead she just gripped harder, and
inbetween her sobs, she began to ask: "Her heart was to you, she told me that"

He was thinking about what she was going to ask.

"Did you love her back completely?"

"Take me to her, and I'll show you how much."

They collected themselves, and they went for their vehicles. Before they set off,
she asked where her other children were. She told him that she lost them in an
even more recent event, a divorce. He found it as a miracle that this woman could
hold her own, but her job as a soldier with military training can help greatly with
emotional silencing. they went to their cars and drove off. The drive was lengthy,
a decent 45 minutes until they reached a suburban environment,filled with green fields.
They reached a small cemetery, and stopped. Her grave was the only fresh one, flowers
still colored and soft from her recent burial. He, dressed in all black, fell to his knees on a
strangely cold summer day. From his coat pocket he pulled out the object from the glove
compartment, a ring box. The mother gasped at the object, staring in both awe and pity.
He opened the box, and placed the ring on her tombstone. Muttering, no one hearing but
her and him.

"One day after this life."

title: Shattered Promises

question: What does the story have to say about suicide?

answer: The story doesn't really make it clear why Breanne commits suicide, though it appears there are a number of issues that have affected her life. Her conclusion that she did what she thought was necessary doesn't really justify the action. The story seems to use suicide as a plot mechanism as opposed to exploring the theme.

question: Summarize the character of Edgar

answer: Edgar is in love with Breanne and decides to visit her to propose. He desires to look as good as possible but he second guesses himself, indicating a level of humility. When he finds out Breanne is dead he feels like it crushes him, he doesn't offer his sympathies to her mother - this suggests he's not particularly empathetic.

question: Why did Edgar lose touch with Breanne?


text:
[super-bowl-party-food-ideas]

Aside from the game, a Super Bowl party is all about the food! If you’re looking for a few winning Super Bowl party food ideas to feed your hungry hoards of football fanatics, check these out. While we focus on healthy eating here at OurFamilyWorld, we do agree that it’s okay to splurge once in a while! Mix in a few indulgences with healthier options for the perfect Super Bowl party food ideas!

NACHOS AND GUACAMOLE

[super-bowl-party-food-ideas]

Our Nachos and Guacamole recipe isn’t just incredibly easy to make, it’s also healthier than the usual nachos and cheese fare. Don’t worry, it still has some cheesy goodness in it, but the guac and veggies are definitely the stars of this show. The great thing about nachos is that you can buy them in bulk at wholesale stores, so they’re an inexpensive way to feed a crowd. If some of your party goers prefer the cheesier version, you can always melt some extra cheddar on the side for dipping.

SOUTHWESTERN SNACK MIX

[super-bowl-party-food-ideas]

We can’t have a list of perfect Super Bowl party food ideas without some type of snack mix, now can we? Forget the oily chips, you don’t want greasy fingers all over your remote anyway, right? This southwestern snack mix combines healthier pretzels and popcorn with the crunch of fan favorite corn chips plus, of course, some cheesy goodness!

CHUTNEY, CHEESE & CRANBERRY BITES

[super-bowl-party-food-ideas]

Our Chutney, Cheese and Cranberry bites add a bit of class to your Super Bowl party food, yet they’re still easy enough to eat while watching the big game. Serve them up on a tray of nuts to take them from holiday appetizer to a more traditional football fare.

PIZZA DIP

This is a bit of an indulgence, but as long as you’re offering plenty of other healthy options, it’s okay! This food is great for large or small crowds — just adjust how much you make to accommodate. Use your slow cooker for this dish. Pour enough pizza sauce into the slow cooker crock to fill it about three quarters full. Add enough low-fat mozzarella or pizza cheese to cover the top of the sauce with a thick layer of cheese. You can add small bits of sausage or pepperoni if you’d like or leave the pizza dip with just cheese. Allow the pizza dip to heat and stir the melting cheese in occasionally.

Cook several plain pizza crusts — either ready made or homemade — then cut into small dipping squares. Put the crust chunks into a bowl or another slow cooker without the lid to keep warm. You can also serve it with crusty homemade garlic bread for dipping!

MINIATURE FAVORITES IN MODERATION

We’re not completely opposed to a few indulgences, especially on a day known for its indulgent food. If you want to enjoy traditional Super Bowl food like hot dogs, smoked sausages and mozzarella sticks, just miniaturize them! Go with turkey dogs instead of beef, opt for low-fat cheeses when possible. Bake foods that are traditionally fried and you’ll save a ton of fat and calories. Set out a smaller portion and mix them in with healthier options. For example, set just a few of those tiny turkey dog bites out in the middle of a tray of crunchy veggies and other wholesome snacks. As your fans are watching the game, they’ll absent-mindedly reach for snacks. Their hands will go to the healthier options first!

Be sure to provide a variety of different foods for guests at your Super Bowl party. Choose foods that are easy to eat as guests mill about and will appeal to all ages.

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE SUPER BOWL PARTY FOOD IDEAS? SHARE IN THE COMMENTS!

question: What are the health tricks the article recommends for Super Bowl food?

answer: In general, the author recommends using lower-fat versions of traditionally greasy, high-calorie foods. For fried foods, they recommend using an oven instead. Another trick they recommend is to use smaller versions of foods like mozzarella sticks, hot dogs, and sausages. Finally, they recommend putting the traditional snacks in the middle of a plate with healthy greens surrounding them.

question: What does the article say about weight loss?

question: What does the article say about Super Bowl parties?

answer: The author recognizes that the game and the food are a classic staple of such an evening. They consider a fun Super Bowl party to be possible with healthy foods. Classic Super Bowl foods include cheesy Nachos, a snack mix, pizza and dip sauce, hot dogs, sausages, and mozzarella sticks.


text:
UZUN İNCE BIR YOLDAYIM, translated to English: “I Walk On A Long And Narrow Road” is one of Aşık Veysel's best known works and is still popular among fans of Turkish folk music.[1] ΣΥ ΠΟΥ ΞΈΡΕΙΣ ΤΗΝ ΚΑΡΔΙΆ ΜΟΥ (el) Its music was composed Greek Christos Tsiamoulis.Greek lyrics written by Monachi Gavriilia.[2]

[1]

[2]

title: Uzun İnce Bir Yoldayım

question: What is Uzun Ince Bir Yoldayim?

answer: A work of Turkish folk music by Aşık Veysel.

question: What does Uzun Ince Bir Yoldayim mean in English?

answer: I Walk On a Long and Narrow Road

question: Who composed Uzun Ince Bir Yoldayim?

answer: Christo Tsiamoulis, a Greek composer

question: Who wrote the Greek lyrics for Uzun Ince Bir Yoldayim?

answer: Monachi Gavriilia

question: Write a ~1 sentence summary.

answer: Uzun Ince Bir Yoldayim is a Turkish folk song by Aşık Veysel.


text:
_10-WEEK ONLINE SOCIOCRACY WEBINAR, MONDAYS, FEB 8 - APR 12, 2021, WITH SHORT WATCH-AHEAD VIDEOS & HANDOUTS, LIVE SESSIONS FOR PRACTICE. REGISTER HERE. __MY MISSION IS TO HELP INTENTIONAL COMMUNITIES GET STARTED SUCCESSFULLY, FUNCTION EFFECTIVELY, AND ACHIEVE THEIR GOALS._ I have learned what works well from founders and long-time members of more than 170 communities worldwide — ecovillages, cohousing neighborhoods, housing co-ops, shared group households, income-sharing communes, and more. Here are two videos I'd love you to see. First, an 11-minute presentation, _THREE ASPECTS OF A HEALTHY, THRIVNG COMMUNITY._ Second, a 45-minute slide show (with slides embedded in the video) _HOW ECOVILLAGES BENEFIT THE WIDER CULTURE._ My books are _CREATING A LIFE TOGETHER_, (2003), (now translated into six languages) and _FINDING COMMUNITY_ (2007) HERE'S A 1-MINUTE VIDEO from Bay Area Permaculture trainer Kevin Bayuk recommending my work.
     I teach WORKSHOPS, offer CONSULTATIONS, and present KEYNOTE ADDRESSES AND BREAKOUT WORKSHOPS FOR CONFERENCES internationally. In 2017 I received the Fellowship for Intentional Community's Kozeny Communitarian Award, a lifetime acheivement award for contributions to the US communities movement.

     My workshops and webinars include STARTING A SUCCESSFUL ECOVILLAGE OR INTENTIONAL COMMUNITY, HELPING YOUR COMMUNITY THRIVE, and SOCIOCRACY FOR INTENTIONAL COMMUNITIES. I'm an Associate Member of The Sociocracy Consulting Group (TSCG).  I also teach the N St. Consensus Method for groups who like to use consensus. I'm working on my third and forth books now: one on how groups can use Sociocracy for better meetings, get more done, be better organized, and feel more connected; the other on helping your community become more healthy and thrivng.

I'm a certified as a trainer for GAIA EDUCATION'S ECOVILLAGE DESIGN EDUCATION (EDE) course, a Board Member of GEN-US (Global Ecovillage Network-US) and formerly a board member of GENNA (GEN-NORTH AMERICA). I contributed chapters to the GAIA EDUCATION/EDE books _BEYOND YOU AND ME_ and _GAIAN ECONOMICS,_ and the GEN book _ECOVILLAGE: 1001 WAYS TO HEAL THE PLANET_. I've written articles for _COMMUNITIES_ magazine, _GEN NEWSLETTER,_ the _COMMUNITIES DIRECTORY,_ _GEN Newsletter_, _Permaculture Activist_, _Permculture Design,_ and _Permaculture_ magazines. I was editor of _COMMUNITIES_ magazine (1994-2007) and publisher of _ECOVILLAGES_ newsletter (2010-2012). I live at EARTHAVEN ECOVILLAGE in North Carolina. __

_PLEASE EMAIL ME HERE._

_“Your workshop was fantastic! YOU TRULY ARE A MASTER AT TAKING COMPLEX MATERIAL AND MAKING IT SIMPLE — AT PUTTING TOGETHER WORKSHOPS, TEACHING, AND FACILITATING. The way you engage participants is brilliant." —Gaya Erlandson, co-founder, Lotus Lodge Community, North Carolina
_

_"YOUR PRESENTATION AT THE PERMACULTURE VOICES CONFERENCE WAS ONE OF THE BEST I'VE SEEN. . . . DOWN-TO-EARTH, HUMBLE, EXTREMELY KNOWLEDGEABLE, REALISTIC, PRACTICAL, INSIGHTFUL, INSPIRING (AND FUNNY). _I learned so much!"_  —Laura Allen, Los Angeles Eco-Village; author,_ The Water-Wise Home_
_

_“YOU ARE A SPARKLING TRAINER AND A JOY TO WORK WITH._ _L.A. ECO-VILLAGE WAS ENERGIZED FOR A YEAR FOLLOWING YOUR WORKSHOP.”  —Lois Arkin, co-founder, Los Angeles Eco-Village
_

_"I LOVE THE WAY YOU TEACH — SUPPORTING THE QUESTIONER AND QUESTION, BEING TOTALLY HONEST, AND KEEPING A SMILE AND POSITIVE, HOPEFUL ATTITUDE ABOUT EVERYTHING!__"  —Dave Henson, co-founder, OAEC Community, Sonoma County, California_

_“I WAS RIVETED — your conference keynote was an awesome presentation. YOU HIT THE FUNDAMENTAL, UNTOLD TRUTHS ABOUT COHOUSING AND DECISION-MAKING.  I 100% RECOMMEND TIME WITH YOU AS OBLIGATORY FOR ANY FORMING COHOUSING COMMUNITY.” —Mark Westcombe, Chairperson, UK Cohousing Network, and co-founder, Forge Bank Cohousing, Lancaster,_ _England_

question: Does the author encourage readers to contact them?

answer: Yes, the author encourages readers to email them.

question: How many books has the author written?

answer: The author has written 2 books and is writing 2 more now.

question: What is the author's fourth book about?

answer: It is about how helping your community become more healthy and thriving.

question: Find 2 typos in the article.

answer: 'forth' instead 'fourth' and 'thrivng' instead of 'thriving

question: What is the purpose of the article?

answer: It is an advertisement.


text:
_[Stephen Machin]Since the global financial crisis, workers’ real wages and family living standards in the UK have suffered to an extent unprecedented in modern history. Real wages of the typical (median) worker have fallen by almost 10 per cent since 2008; and real family incomes for families of working age by almost the same. In this article, part of CEP’s Election Analysis, STEPHEN MACHIN discusses what has happened to real wages and family incomes, and links the patterns of change to the current policy debate._

FALLING REAL WAGES

Figure 1 shows that median real wages grew consistently by around 2 per cent per year from 1980 to the early 2000s. There was then something of a slowdown, after which real wages fell dramatically when the economic downturn started in 2008. Since then, real wages of the median worker have fallen by around 8-10 per cent (depending on which measure of inflation is used as a deflator – the consumer price index, CPI, or the housing cost augmented version CPIH). This corresponds to almost a 20 per cent drop relative to the trend in real wage growth from 1980 to the early 2000s.

FIGURE 1: ANNUAL ASHE MEDIAN REAL WEEKLY EARNINGS, 1980 TO 2014

[Machin Fig 1]

_Notes_: Annual Survey of Hours and Earnings (ASHE) weekly earnings numbers, updated from Gregg et al (2014a, 2014b), deflated by CPI and CPIH (from 2005).

Figure 2 focuses on the recent experience using monthly official average weekly earnings (AWE) numbers deflated by CPI. Growth in AWE outstripped consumer price inflation growth until June 2008. From July 2008 onwards (with the exception of two months, March and April 2010), real wages did not grow until the most recent October, November and December 2014 numbers. Growth in wages in the last quarter of 2014 just about crept above CPI growth, and this is mainly because price inflation has been falling, rather than arising from any notable strength in nominal wage growth.

FIGURE 2: THREE-MONTH NOMINAL AWE AND CPI GROWTH, 2002 TO 2014

_ [Machin Fig 2]_

_Notes_: AWE and CPI numbers (three month averages) from ONS.

Table 1 shows variations across different groups of workers. Men have seen larger falls in real wages (12 per cent) compared with a fall of 7 per cent for women. The young have been hit hardest, with a 16 per cent fall for those aged 18-24. Young people have faced a double whammy, taking the brunt of the unemployment increases that have occurred in this downturn (which overall have been more modest than in the previous two recessions of the early 1980s and 1990s), alongside big real wage falls.

TABLE 1: PERCENTAGE FALLS IN MEDIAN REAL WAGES BY GROUP SINCE 2008, ASHE

[Machin Table 1]
_Notes_: Updated CPI deflated numbers from Gregg et al (2014b).

Real wage falls have occurred right across the earnings distribution, dropping by 10 per cent at the 10th percentile and 11 per cent at the 90th percentile. Interestingly, these similar falls (and that of 10% at the median) imply that wage inequality, measured by the difference between the two, has not gone up during the downturn. This contrasts with long-run wage inequality trends since 1980, which peaked at the start of the downturn.

Since the global financial crisis, UK wages have fallen by more than in other OECD countries. Figure 3 uses comparable hourly earnings data for 2008 to 2013 for 26 countries. The UK’s relative performance is very poor, placing 23rd above only Hungary, the Czech Republic and Greece.

FIGURE 3: INTERNATIONAL REAL HOURLY EARNINGS GROWTH, 2008-13

[Machin Fig 3]

_Source:_ OECD Employment Outlook, 2014.

RECENT FALLS IN UNEMPLOYMENT

Figure 4 shows that the fall in unemployment that has occurred since 2012 has had no discernible impact on improving real wage growth. In the recessions of the early 1980s and 1990s, real wages grew as unemployment fell, but this has not happened so far. Median real wages have actually dropped a little as the unemployment rate has come down from its peak.

FIGURE 4: MEDIAN REAL WAGES AND THE UNEMPLOYMENT RATE, 1980 TO 2014

[Machin Fig 4]

_Notes_: Median wages from ASHE, ILO unemployment rates from ONS.

These overall patterns of change, when coupled with the UK’s continued poor productivity performance (see CEP’s Election Analysis on Productivity and Business Policies), do not paint a promising picture of wages picking up significantly during the election campaign and beyond.

FAMILY INCOME

Overall, median family incomes have not fallen by quite so much as median wages. Table 2 shows that median real (after-tax) income fell by 4 per cent between 2007-08 and 2012-13. The smaller fall is partly due to the tax-benefit system’s automatic stabilisers (at the start of the downturn), to tax changes that increased the annual personal allowance (which in turn has reduced income tax receipts) and importantly because pensioner households have actually fared much better than working age households.

For a consistent definition between 2007-08 and 2012-13, there was a fall of 7 per cent in real incomes for the working age group, while the pensioner age group experienced a 4 per cent increase. The real income gains of pensioners arise from three factors: first, state pensions were linked to inflation under the ‘triple lock’; second, older workers were increasingly likely to be working in (mostly) part-time jobs; and third, as the personal allowance rose, this work income became less likely to be taxed.

TABLE 2: PERCENTAGE CHANGES IN MEDIAN REAL FAMILY INCOME BY GROUP, 2007-08 TO 2012-13

[Machin Table 2]

_Notes_: Based on Family Resources Survey, from Belfield et al (2014) with additional numbers provided by Robert Joyce. Calculations of the percentage falls in median real income are after tax and before housing costs.

The clear picture, however, is that poor real wage performance has also mapped into reduced living standards measured by overall family income for the working age group. From the political perspective, falling real wages and reduced living standards are one and the same, and they can be traced back to worsening rewards for workers in the labour market.

THE ELECTION CONTEXT

All parties recognise that less money from work going into people’s pockets is an important political issue. That said, at the moment, none of the parties are particularly coherent on what can be done substantively to improve the real wage position of UK workers.

There are piecemeal policies on the table that could improve some aspects of the poor real wage position. Some policies that have been discussed are: higher national minimum wages; increases in minimum wages in higher cost areas (for example, ‘living wages’ in London); and employers taking on a responsibility to pay more (for example, firms who benefited from the recent oil price drop) or more generally sharing out more profits with all workers. For family income, there are also the usual ‘making work pay’ arguments around taxes and benefits.

Some of these policies are potentially useful. But the real key to generating substantial gains that could make serious inroads into getting back to 2008 levels is raising productivity and, if a productivity boost does come, ensuring that workers across the entire wage distribution share in the gains. One worrying feature of research in this area suggests that well before the downturn, economy-wide median wage growth became more weakly correlated with economy-wide productivity growth.

Increased productivity must be a necessary condition for a return to wage growth. Thus, policies to raise productivity – especially those linked to skills (for example, building human capital for those with poor basic and intermediate skills) – are important. But productivity improvements may be insufficient to raise wages if the benefits are mainly appropriated by shareholders or pensioners.

Even if average wages increase, these may benefit median workers by much less if wage inequality once again starts to rise. The ‘Britain needs a pay rise’ campaigns and even the discussion around raising the pay of workers in companies that have benefitted from the drop in the oil price are useful for policy debates to raise awareness on these issues.

Finally, improving the labour market prospects and opportunities for young people is an important policy aim. In the longer run, this is down to education and skill acquisition. But there are labour market policies – such as raising minimum wages and offering properly funded apprenticeship and vocational skills programmes – that could play a major role in repairing some of the damage done by the combination of sizable real wage falls and poor employment opportunities that have hit the wages and living standards of the young so badly.

_Note: This article gives the views of the author, and not the position of the General Election blog, nor of the London School of Economics. Please read our comments policy before posting._

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

[STEPHEN MACHIN]STEPHEN MACHIN is CEP’s research director, professor of economics at University College London and a member of the Low Pay Commission.

[1]CPIH is a new (since 2005), non-official, price index, which adds owner-occupiers’ housing costs to the CPI. The 2008-14 fall is -9.7% for CPI and -8.5% for CPIH.

[2]AWE is the average weekly earnings index produced by the Office for National Statistics (ONS).

[3]These two months show growth because of the big fall in the corresponding months ofthe previousyear,which was driven by bonuses falling that year (See Taylor et al, 2014).

[4] Chris Giles in the FT has pointed out that the choice of different income measures (for example, before or after housing costs), inflation measure and how the most recently available 2012-13 Family Resources Survey numbers are uprated can result in different conclusions being drawn on what real income trends say about falling living standards. But the main point made here – that the trends in family incomes for working age households are more in line with wage trends – remains the case (and also the case, therefore, that pensioner families have done relatively better).

[5] See Pessoa and Van Reenen (2013) and Gregg et al (2014b).

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question: While solving wage equality is a difficult matter in and on itself, what are the factors that makes it a very sensitive topic?

answer:
With wages, pleasing everyone is a delicate and sensitive matter due to how wage inequality works -what can be good for one sector of society may not be as beneficial to others. Among these affected sectors are pension holders, who are also affected by the rise and fall of wages.

There many policies being put into action with the goal of improving wages, however, even the combination of multiple solutions cannot fully solve issue. This is because the issue is rooted in the effects of the Global Financial Crisis, so it appears that the most delicate part of handling it comes with having enough policies to make the citizens feel as if a solution is attainable.


text:
is a Japanese comedian and impressionist (_monomane tarento_). Her real name is .[1]

Kintalo is represented with Shochiku Geino. She is left-handed.[2]

Kintalo's catchphrase is .

Impressions

-   Ayaka Nishiwaki (Perfume)
-   Ami Nakashima (Dream and E-girls)
-   Namie Amuro
-   Shizuka Arakawa
-   Angelina Jolie
-   Antonio Inoki
-   Rina Ikoma (Nogizaka46)
-   Satomi Ishihara
-   Tomomi Itano (AKB48)
-   Midori Ito
-   Yōsui Inoue
-   Aya Ueto
-   Yuko Oshima (AKB48)
-   Yoko Ono
-   Rie Kitahara (NGT48)
-   Ayame Goriki
-   Haruna Kojima (AKB48)
-   Miina Tominaga (as Katsuo Isono in _Sazae-san_)
-   Etsuko Kozakura (as Jibanyan in _Yo-kai Watch_)
-   Haruka Shimazaki (AKB48)
-   Aya Sugimoto
-   Nana Suzuki
-   Serina[3]
-   Minami Takahashi (AKB48)
-   Emi Takei
-   Mitsu Dan
-   Taylor Swift
-   Dewi Sukarno[4]
-   Yoshimi Tendo
-   Sumiko Shirakawa (as Hiroshi Nakajima in _Sazae-san_)
-   Kana Nishino
-   Kanna Hashimoto (Rev. from DVL)
-   Yū Hayami
-   Kim Hyo-yeon (Girls' Generation)
-   Atsuko Maeda (AKB48)
-   Madonna
-   Minako Inoue (MAX)
-   Hibari Misora
-   Momoiro Clover Z
    -   Kanako Momota
    -   Ayaka Sasaki
    -   Momoka Ariyasu
-   Lady Gaga
-   Mayu Watanabe (AKB48)

Filmography

TV series

CURRENT

  Year   Title              Network   Notes
  ------ ------------------ --------- --------------------------------
  2013   _Go Go! Smile!_    CBC       Monday, later Thursday regular
  2014   _Smile! Kintalo_   JRT

FORMER APPEARANCES

  Year                                                               Title                                 Network                                   Notes
  ------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------- -------------------------------------
  2011                                                               _Monomane Grand Prix_                 NTV
  2012                                                               _Go Jiman Live: Oshiage Now_          Tokyo MX
  _Kanjani8 no Janiben_                                              KTV
  _Maki Mizuno no Mahō no Restaurant_                                MBS
  _Namaiki! Arabikidan_                                              TBS
  _Tonneruzu no Minasan no Okage deshita_                            Fuji TV
  _Mabatakī_
  2013                                                               _Bakushō Red Carpet_                  Slogan is “Fudō no Center: Carpet Tōjō”
  _Shinshun! Geinin Broker: Tōzai Anyaku Star Yume no Kyōen 2013_    KTV
  _Shibuya Deep A_                                                   NHK-G
  _Gyōretsu no dekiru Hōritsusōdansho_                               NTV
  _Kayō Kyoku!_                                                      TBS                                   First time with AKB48 member
  _Hi 10 Engei Parade_                                               MBS
  ''[[Downtown no Gaki no Tsukai ya Arahende                         ]]''                                  NTV
  _Takajin Mune-ippai_                                               KTV
  _Ariyoshi-kun no Shōjiki sanpo_                                    Fuji TV
  _Moshimo no Simulation Variety: Otameshika'!_                      TV Asahi
  _Mezanyu_                                                          Fuji TV
  _Lion no gokigenyō_
  _R-1 guran puri_
  _Masahiro Nakai no Ayashī Uwasa no Atsumaru Toshokan_              TV Asahi
  _Onegai! Ranking_
  _Masahiro Nakai no Kinyōbi no SMA-tachi e_                         TBS
  _Mecha-Mecha Iketeru!_                                             Fuji TV
  _Hoko×tate_
  ''Quiz Present Variety: Q-sama                                     ''                                    TV Asahi
  _Shabekuri 007_                                                    NTV
  _Somosan Seppa!_                                                   Fuji TV
  _Peke×Pon_
  _Akko ni omakase!_                                                 TBS
  _Nogizakatte, doko?_                                               TVA
  _Guruguru Ninety Nine_                                             NTV
  _Honoo-no Taiiku-kai TV_                                           TBS
  _Sanma no Super karakuri TV_
  _Hirunandesu!_                                                     NTV
  _Banana Juku_                                                      THK
  _O sekkyō Idol: Shikaru Genji_                                     ABC
  _Chakushin Orei! Kētai Ōgiri_                                      NHK-G
  _Torihada (Hi) Scoop Eizō 100-ka Jiten_                            TV Asahi
  _Calcolon_                                                         Fuji TV
  _Himitsu no Kenmin Show_                                           YTV
  _Sanma & Cream no Geinō-kai (Hi) Kojin Jōhō Grand Prix_            Fuji TV
  _All-Star Thanksgiving_                                            TBS
  _Shiawase no Kiiroi Koinu_                                         CTV
  _Tsūkai! Akashiya Denshidai_                                       MBS
  _Cream Quiz: Miracle 9_                                            TV Asahi
  _Taka-Toshi & Onsui ga Iku Chīsana Tabi Series_                    Fuji TV
  _Tsutaete Pikacchi_                                                NHK-G
  _PS Sansei_                                                        CTV
  _Bakushō sokkuri monomane Kōhaku Uta Gassen Special_               Fuji TV
  _Chō Sennyū! Real Scoop Hyper_
  _run for money Tōsō-chū_
  _Ikinari! Kogane Densetsu._                                        TV Asahi
  _TV Shakai Jikken: Asunaro Lab_                                    Fuji TV
  _Sunday Japon_                                                     TBS
  _VS Arashi_                                                        Fuji TV
  _Waratte Iitomo!_
  _Tenma-san ga yuku_                                                TBS                                   As Atsuko Maeda's look-alike
  _Monomane Ōzakettei-sen_                                           Fuji TV
  2015                                                               _Uta ga umai Ōzakettei-sen Special_   Fuji TV
  _Rhythm Neta A Go Go_                                              TBS
  2016                                                               _Knight Scoop_                        ABC                                       Appeared in “Ojīchan no Last Dance”
  _Oha Suta_                                                         TV Tokyo                              Appeared in Hanamaru Gundan
  ''Shikujiri Sensei: Ore mitai ni naru na                           ''                                    TV Asahi
  _Yonimo Kimyōna Monogatari '16 Haru no Tokubetsu-hen: Bijin Zei_   Fuji TV                               As Kin-chan

Radio

  Year                                        Title                                                Network               Notes
  ------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------- --------------------- --------------
  2013                                        _Golden Bomber no Sho Kiryuin no All Night Nippon_   NBS
  _Bakushō Mondai Cowboy_                     TBS Radio
  _Nissan a, Reiji Abe: Beyond The Average_   Tokyo FM                                             As Kintalo-ko Maeda
  2014                                        _Bay Line Go! Go!_                                   Bay FM                Wednesday DJ
  2015                                        _Konya mo Kai Shingeki_

Stage

  Year                                                 Title                                                                  Role             Notes       Ref.
  ---------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------- ----------- --------
  2016                                                 _Kohei Tsuka Nana-kai-ki Tsuitō Tokubetsu Kōen: Ring Ring Ring 2016_   Chigusa Nagayo   Lead role   [5][6]
  _SBK48: Hataage Kōen_                                                                                [7]
  _SBK48: Hataage Tsuika Kōen_                                                                                [8]
  _SBK48: Hataage Osaka Kōen_                                                                                [9]
  _The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert_   Cynthia                                                                Dual cast        [10]

Music videos

  Year   Title
  ------ ----------------------
  2013   Juliet “Sotsu Renka”

TV drama

  Year   Title                        Role       Network   Notes       Ref.
  ------ ---------------------------- ---------- --------- ----------- ------
  2016   _Cock Keibu no Bansan-kai_   Mari Oda   TBS       Episode 3   [11]

Anime television

  Title                  Role                                      Network   Ref.
  ---------------------- ----------------------------------------- --------- ------
  _Aware! Meisaku-kun_   Shiro zukin, Yō, kirishita                NHK-E
  _Kayoe! Chū-gaku_      Oshima, girl, boy that ran over by Wada   THK
  _Nandaka Velonica_     Velonica                                  NHK-E     [12]
  _Hugtto! PreCure_      Rita Yoshimi                              ANN

Anime films

  Year   Title                       Role            Ref.
  ------ --------------------------- --------------- ------
  2016   _Colorful Ninja iro Maki_   Maki Murasaki   [13]

Events

  Year                                                                   Title                           Ref.
  ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- ------
  2013                                                                   _Looper_ public commemoration   [14]
  _Fire with Fire_ public commemoration                                  [15]
  _16th Tokyo Girls Collection 2013 Spring/Summer_                       [16]
  Lion Corporation “Seikanzai Deodorant Ban Series” new advert recital   [17]
  Nissin Foods “Cup Noodle goban” new advert recital                     [18]

Magazines

  Year                      Title            Ref.
  ------------------------- ---------------- ------
  2012                      _Josei Jishin_   [19]
  2013                      _Spa!_           [20]
  _An an_                   [21]
  _Nikkei Entertainment!_   [22]
  _Non-no_                  [23]
  _JJ_                      [24]
  _Vivi_                    [25]

Advertisements

  Year   Title
  ------ -------------------------------------------------------
  2013   Suntory Foods Boss Rainbow Mountain Blend “_Convini_”

[1]

[2]

[3]

[4]

[5]

[6]

[7]

[8]

[9]

[10]

[11]

[12]

[13]

[14]

[15]

[16]

[17]

[18]

[19]

[20]

[21]

[22]

[23]

[24]

[25]

title: Kintalo

question: Who is Kintalo?

answer: The pseudonym of a Japanese comedian and impressionist with a number of credits across radio, television, and the stage.

question: What is her real name?

answer: Not included in this copy.

question: What is her catchphrase?

answer: Not included in this copy.

question: Is she still working?

answer: Kintalo's career spans many years and it seems she is a series regular on Go Go! Smile! a CBC show.

question: Write a ~1 sentence summary.

answer: A run down of the career of Kintalo, a female Japanese comedian and impressionist.