text:
CO-AUTHORED BY wikiHow Staff

Last Updated: October 8, 2020 References

Candied mint leaves are an old-fashioned treat to be served at afternoon tea or as a snack. They can also serve as excellent garnishes on cakes, drinks, and ice cream. The traditional recipe calls for egg white, but not everyone can eat egg white; fortunately, there is a vegan option as well, although it is less traditional.

Ingredients

Traditional Candied Mint Leaves[1]

-   1 large egg white
-   12 fresh mint leaves
-   ¼ cup (55 grams) superfine sugar

Vegan Candied Mint Leaves

-   2 tablespoons (30 milliliters) corn syrup
-   ¼ cup (55 grams) superfine sugar
-   12 fresh mint leaves

Making Traditional Candied Mint Leaves

1.

    [Image titled Make Candied Mint Leaves Step 1]

    1

    PREPARE THE MINT LEAVES. Pull the leaves off the stalk, and be sure to leave the stems. This will make them easier to handle, and you can always trim the stems off at the end. Rinse the mint leaves in cool water and gently pat them dry with a paper towel.

    -   If you are planning on using these leaves to decorate a cake, choose ones that look nice. Don't use any bruised or torn leaves.

2.

    [Image titled Make Candied Mint Leaves Step 2]

    2

    BEAT THE EGG WHITE IN A SMALL BOWL UNTIL IT TURNS FROTHY.[2] You can do this using a fork or a small whisk. If you are worried about Salmonella, use pasteurized egg whites or dried egg whites instead. If you are going to use powdered egg whites, mix them with about 1 tablespoon (15 milliliters) of water first.[3]

3.

    [Image titled Make Candied Mint Leaves Step 3]

    3

    BRUSH THE EGG WHITE MIXTURE ONTO THE MINT LEAVES AS THINLY AS POSSIBLE. Make sure that both sides are evenly coated, or the sugar won't stick. If the mixture is too runny after you have brushed it on, wait 1 minute before proceeding. This will allow the egg white to solidify a little.

4.

    [Image titled Make Candied Mint Leaves Step 4]

    4

    COAT BOTH SIDES OF THE MINT LEAVES WITH SUGAR. You can do this simply by tossing them in a bowl of sugar, or holding them by the stems and sprinkling sugar over them. You can also spread them out, cover them with sugar, flip them over, and cover them with more sugar.

5.

    [Image titled Make Candied Mint Leaves Step 5]

    5

    TRANSFER THE LEAVES ONTO A PARCHMENT-LINED BAKING SHEET. Make sure that the leaves are not touching or overlapping, or they will stick together when they dry.

6.

    [Image titled Make Candied Mint Leaves Step 6]

    6

    WAIT 24 HOURS FOR THE LEAVES TO DRY, AND DON'T COVER THE LEAVES WHILE THEY ARE DRYING. Once the leaves are dry, you can store them in an airtight container or use them as a garnish.

7.

    [Image titled Make Candied Mint Leaves Step 7]

    7

    USE THE LEAVES. You can eat them as a treat, or use them to garnish drinks, pastries, cakes, or even ice cream.

Making Vegan Candied Mint Leaves

1.

    [Image titled Make Candied Mint Leaves Step 8]

    1

    PREPARE THE MINT LEAVES. Pull the leaves off the stalk, making sure to leave the stems on the leaves. This will make the leaves easier to handle; you can always trim the stems at the end. Rinse the leaves in cool water and lightly pat them dry with a paper towel.

    -   If you going to decorate a cake with these, choose ones that look nice. Don't pick any that are bruised or torn.

2.

    [Image titled Make Candied Mint Leaves Step 9]

    2

    WARM THE CORN SYRUP UNTIL IT BECOMES THIN. You can do this the microwave or over the stove. This will make the corn syrup easier to brush on.

3.

    [Image titled Make Candied Mint Leaves Step 10]

    3

    BRUSH THE CORN SYRUP OVER THE LEAVES AND LET THEM DRY FOR 1 MINUTE. This will help make the corn syrup stickier and less likely to slide off. When brushing the mixture on, try to do it as thinly as possible. You don't need a lot for the sugar to stick.

4.

    [Image titled Make Candied Mint Leaves Step 11]

    4

    SPREAD THE LEAVES ON A FLAT SURFACE AND COVER THEM WITH HALF OF THE SUGAR. Coat them as evenly as possible, and don't worry if the sugar layer appears thick. You will be shaking the excess off at the end.

5.

    [Image titled Make Candied Mint Leaves Step 12]

    5

    TRANSFER THE LEAVES TO A PARCHMENT-LINED BAKING SHEET, SUGAR-SIDE DOWN. Make sure that the leaves aren't touching or overlapping, or you won't be able to coat them evenly.

6.

    [Image titled Make Candied Mint Leaves Step 13]

    6

    COVER THE LEAVES WITH THE REST OF THE SUGAR. Don't re-use any of the sugar from the first round. It will be damp from the corn syrup and clump up. Also, don't shake off any of the excess sugar; let it sit on the leaves.

7.

    [Image titled Make Candied Mint Leaves Step 14]

    7

    LET THE LEAVES DRY FOR 24 HOURS. Don't cover the leaves with anything while they are drying.

8.

    [Image titled Make Candied Mint Leaves Step 15]

    8

    GENTLY SHAKE OFF THE EXCESS SUGAR AND USE THE LEAVES. You can eat them as a treat, or use them as a garnish for cakes, drinks, pastries, or even ice cream.

 Community Q&A

Add New Question

-

    Question

    Can I dry the candied mint in the refrigerator? I can't leave anything out on my counters for 24 hours.

    [Community Answer]

    Yes, you can. I placed my leaves in the fridge for less than an hour, and soon they were hardened and dried, and had a lovely crunch to them. Just remember that if you leave them in the fridge for a while, they will be cold.

-

    Question

    How long can I store them?

    [Community Answer]

    You can store them and use them for about 3-4 weeks.

-

    Question

    Where can I get superfine sugar?

    [Community Answer]

    You can find it at most grocery stores, as well as "big box" superstores that also carry groceries.

-

    Question

    I want crystallized peppermint leaves. Can I do that?

    [Maya Kearns]

    Maya Kearns

    Community Answer

    Sure, that sounds delicious. Just followed the rest of the instructions and you should be fine!

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Tips

-   For extra flavor, mix a drop of spearmint or vanilla extract into the sugar before sifting it over the mint leaves.

-   If you are worried about Salmonella, used pasteurized egg whites or dried egg whites instead.

-   When coating the leaves, try to coat them as thinly as possible; don't gloop the egg white or corn syrup on.

-   Try it with different varies of mint, such as chocolate mint!

-   Be sure to use superfine sugar. Powdered sugar will turn into glaze, and granulated sugar will be too chunky.[4]

-   If you can't get superfine sugar, try grinding regular sugar in a food processor. Keep in mind that this may scratch up your food processor.[5]

-   If you are in a hurry, place the leaves in a 175°F (79.5°C) oven for 20 minutes. Turn the leaves over, and bake another 30 minutes, or until the leaves are dry and the sugar is crystallized.[6]

-   Mint leaves are delicate. It might be a good idea to make some extra candied mint leaves, in case some become damaged during the process.[7]

-   You can make the leaves up to 1 day ahead and store them in an airtight container at room temperature.[8]

-   You can store the leaves in the fridge for up to 1 week.

-   You can do with this other edible herbs and flowers, such as violets and basil.[9]

Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

Warnings

-   Raw eggs may contain Salmonella. Be sure to get your eggs from a trusted source.

Things You'll Need

-   Small bowl
-   Small whisk or fork
-   Pastry brush
-   Parchment paper
-   Baking sheet

About This Article

Article SummaryX

You can make your own candied mint leaves with some fresh mint, a little sugar, and egg whites. Start by pulling the mint leaves off of the stalk. Then, beat 1 egg white in a small bowl with a fork or a small whisk until it turns frothy. Brush the egg white onto the mint leaves as thinly as possible and make sure both sides are evenly coated so the sugar will stick to it. Toss the mint leaves into a bowl of superfine sugar to coat them evenly. Finally, place the leaves on a parchment-lined baking sheet and let them dry for 24 hours. To learn how to make vegan candied mint leaves, keep reading!

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Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 125,096 times.

Did this article help you?

question: What is the article about?

answer: It is a wikiHow recipe on candied mint leaves.

question: How does the article suggests candied mint leaves are used?

answer: Candied mint leaves are an old-fashioned treat and garnish.

question: Why are two recipes given?

answer: The first recipe is the traditional recipe which is made using egg white. The second recipe is a vegan version.

question: According to the recipe, how long do the leaves need to dry before using or storing?

answer: 24 hours

question: Write a ~2 sentence summary.

answer: This post is wikiHow recipe on candied mint leaves. It offers two versions of the recipe, one is vegan.


split: train

text:
HUMAN RESOURCE ACCOUNTING (HRA) is the process of identifying and reporting investments made in the human resources of an organization that are presently unaccounted for in the conventional accounting practice. It is an extension of standard accounting principles. Measuring the value of the human resources can assist organizations in accurately documenting their assets. In other words, human resource accounting is a process of measuring the cost incurred by the organisation to recruit, select, train, and develop human assets.

Objectives

The human resource process was established to fulfill a number of objectives within the organization. These include:

1.  To furnish cost value information for making proper and effective management decisions about acquiring, allocating, developing, and maintaining human resources in order to achieve cost effective organizational objectives.
2.  To monitor effectively the use of human resources by the management.
3.  To have an analysis of the Human Asset, i.e. whether such assets are conserved, depleted, or appreciated.
4.  To aid in the development of management principles and proper decision making for the future, by classifying the financial consequences of various practices.

Methods

Approaches to human resource accounting were first developed in 1691. The next approach was developed from 1691 to 1960, and the third phase was post-1960.[1]

There are two approaches to HRA. Under the _cost approach_, also called the “human resource cost accounting method” or model, there is an acquisition cost model and a replacement cost model. Under the _value approach_, there is a present value of future earnings method, a discounted future wage model, and a competitive bidding model.

Considering the pros and cons of various models, Chennai-based CA Lakshminarayanan Ramanujam has worked out a simple to use and easy to adopt, unique model titled GiveGET, for the Human Resource Valuation and Accounting, while accounting for PEACE.

Cost approach

This approach is also called an acquisition cost model. This method measures the organization's investment in employees using the five parameters: recruiting, acquisition, formal training and familiarization, informal training and informal familiarization, and experience and development. This model suggests that instead of charging the costs to profit and loss statement (p&l) accounting, it should be capitalized in the balance sheet. The process of giving a status of asset to the expenditure item is called capitalization.

In human resource management, it is necessary to amortize the capitalized amount over a period of time. So, here one will take the age of the employee at the time of recruitment and at the time of retirement. Out of these, a few employees may leave the organization before attaining the superannuation. This method is the only method of Human Resource Accounting that is based on sound accounting principles and policies.

Limitations

-   The valuation method is based on the false assumption that the dollar is stable.
-   Since the assets cannot be sold there are no independent checks of valuation.
-   This method measures only the costs to the organization, but ignores completely any measure of the value of the employee to the organization.
-   It is too tedious to gather the related information regarding human values.
-   it may be possible that the employee is already fully trained and there is no need to incur any development, training, or recruitment costs. It will create difficulty for a company to find out CTC according to acquisition model.
-   Does not account for software which can reduce the overall cost of human resources by having integrated software completing the tasks of staff.

Replacement cost approach

This approach measures the cost of replacing an employee. According to Likert (1985) replacement cost includes recruitment, selection, compensation, and training cost (including the income foregone during the training period). The data derived from this method could be useful in deciding whether to dismiss or replace the staff.

Limitations

-   Substitution of replacement cost method for historical cost method does little more than update the valuation, at the expense of importing considerably more subjectivity into the measure. This method may also lead to an upwardly biased estimate because an inefficient firm may incur a greater cost to replace an employee (Cascio 3-4).

Present value of future earnings

Lev and Schwartz (1971) proposed an economic valuation of employees based on the present value of future earnings, adjusted for the probability of employees’ death/separation/retirement. This method helps in determining what an employee's future contribution is worth today.

Limitations

-   The measure is an objective one because it uses widely based statistics such as census income return and mortality tables.
-   The measure assigns more weight to averages than to the value of any specific group or individual (Cascio 4-5).

Value to the organization

Hekimian and Jones (1967) proposed that when an organization had several divisions seeking the same employee, the employee should be allocated to the highest bidder and the bid price incorporated into that division's investment base. For example, a value of a professional athlete's service is often determined by how much money a particular team, acting in an open competitive market, is willing to pay him or her.

Limitations

-   The soundness of the valuation depends wholly on the information, judgment, and impartiality of the bidder (Cascio 5).

Expense model

According to Mirvis and Mac (1976), this model focuses on attaching dollar estimates to the behavioral outcomes produced by working in an organization. Criteria such as absenteeism, turnover, and job performance are measured using traditional organizational tools, and then costs are estimated for each criterion. For example, in costing labor turnover, dollar figures are attached to separation costs, replacement costs, and training costs.

Model on human resource accounting

This model prescribes the human resource accounting approach for two categories of employees:

-   Employees, who are at strategic, key decision-making positions such as MD, CEO
-   Employees, who execute the decision taken by Top Executives (Vice President, Directors)
-   Model arrives value of human resources as the sum of below-mentioned three parts:

1.  Real capital cost part
2.  Present value of future salary/wages payments
3.  Performance evaluation part

Limitations

1.  Calculation process is lengthy and cumbersome.
2.  Lev and Schwartz valuation principles have been used at one point of time, so this model contains a weakness from the Lev and Schwartz model.

Other limitations:

1.  Ravindra Tiwari has prescribed another approach to value human resources at the time of annual appraisal exercise, which suggests valuation of human resources on different appraisal parameters.

Limitations

Human resource accounting is the accounting methods, systems, and techniques, which coupled with special knowledge and ability, assist personnel management in the valuation of personnel in their knowledge, ability and motivation in the same organization as well as from organization to organization. It means that some employees become a liability instead of becoming a human resource. HRA facilitates decision making about the personnel, i.e. either to keep or to dispense with their services or to provide mega-training. There are many limitations that make the management reluctant to introduce HRA. Some of the attributes are:

1.  There are no clear cut and specific procedures or guidelines for finding costs and value of human resources of an organization. The systems that are being adopted all have certain drawbacks.
2.  The period of existence of human resources is uncertain and hence valuing them under uncertainty in the future seems to be unrealistic.
3.  The much needed empirical evidence is yet to be found to support the hypothesis that HRA as a tool of management facilitates better and effective management of human resources.
4.  Since human resources are incapable of being owned, retained, and utilized, unlike physical assets, this poses a problem to treat them as assets in the strict sense.
5.  There is a constant fear of opposition from trade unions as placing a value on employees would make them claim rewards and compensations based on such valuations.
6.  In spite of all its significance and necessity, tax laws don't recognize human beings as assets.
7.  There is no universally accepted method of the valuation of human resources.

[1]  Resource|website=Scribd|language=en|access-date=2017-01-31}}

title: Human resource accounting

question: What are the main methods of approaching human resource accounting (HRA)?

answer: Human Resource Accounting (HRA) is the method by which an organization identifies and reports investments on employees that are presently not accounted for in conventional accounting practice. There are different methods of valuation as far as human resource accounting is concerned. There is the is cost acquisition model, which measures investments in employees in five different ways. There is also the value approach, which values employees by looking at future earnings they might provide to the organization.


text:
Chad shares strategic borders with Libya, and the Darfur area of Sudan. While some categorizations put it into central or west Africa, its important interactions are with East Africa. Libya invades Chad in December of the 1980s.

1981

Human Rights Watch[1] said "the United States helped Habré take power in the first clandestine operation launched by Ronald Reagan's CIA chief, William J. Casey, when he took over the agency in 1981. The purpose, according to Secretary of State Alexander Haig, was to “bloody Khadaffi's nose.” The United States later provided Habré with tens of millions of dollars per year in military assistance, even after it became clear that Habré was committing atrocities against his own people."

1982

On August 29, 1978, Hissène Habré was given the post of prime minister of Chad, replacing Félix Malloum in that position; Malloum had been both prime minister and president since 1975. Habré's term as prime minister ended, however, a year later, when Malloum's government ended. Elections brought Goukouni Oueddei to the presidency.

Habré deposed Oueddei on June 7, 1982 and the FAN leader became president; the post of prime minister was abolished. There followed a period of turmoil. Habré created the secret police force, the Documentation and Security Directorate (DSD) and many opponents of Habré were executed. It also is believed that thousands of people from tribes Habré thought hostile to the regime were killed. It is estimated that Habré's government carried out 40,000 politically motivated killings and over 200,000 cases of torture, leading Human Rights Watch to dub him “Africa's Pinochet.”[2]

1983

Libya invaded Chad on July 1975 in an attempt to drive out Habré, occupying and annexing the Aozou Strip. France and the United States responded by aiding Chad in an attempt to contain Libya's regional ambitions under Libyan leader Muammar al-Gaddafi.

Civil war deepened. On December 15, 1980, Libya occupied all of northern Chad, but Habré defeated Libyan troops and drove them out in November 1981. In 1983, Libyan troops occupied all of the country north of Koro Toro. The United States used a clandestine base in Chad to train captured Libyan soldiers whom it was organizing into an anti-Gaddafi force. The USA provided military aid and gave support to the DSD, according to the _Washington Post_.[3]

1985

“One newly-discovered DDS report reveals that some of Chad's most vicious torturers went on a training mission in 1985 to the United States. Four days after the report, other documents show, several of the trainees were promoted to leadership positions with the DDS.”[4]

1988

Habré's aid from the USA and France helped him to win the war against Gaddafi's Libya. The Libyan occupation of the north of Koro Toro ended when Habré defeated him in 1987. By that time, the war was beginning to end, and had ended by 1988.[5]

According to a Commission of Inquiry set up by Idriss Déby's current Chadian government indicated that the US was supplying Hissein Habré's security forces with means of transport, weapons, clothing and communications equipment, while France, Egypt, Iraq and Zaire were contributing to financing, training and equipping the DDS, with whom they were exchanging intelligence. Again according to the Commission of Inquiry, in 1988 the United States granted the DDS monthly aid of five million CFA francs for its expenditure on fuel and the salaries of its officers. The Commission made public a letter dated June 30, 1988 in which the DDS requested the United States Embassy in N'Djaména to double the amount of this aid.[6]

1989

"The Commission of Inquiry believes that this request was probably met in 1989. According to the Commission, US advisers went regularly to the office of the director of the DDS, either to give advice or to exchange intelligence, and it seems reasonable to believe that they were aware of the torture of prisoners held at the DDS, particularly since the DDS premises were right next to the USAID building, from where it would have been possible to hear the screams of torture victims. The DDS was also part of a network known as “Mosaïque”, _Mosaic_, made up of the security services of the Côte d'Ivoire, Israel, Chad, Togo, the Central African Republic, Zaire and Cameroon. The aim of Mosaïque, which was financed by the United States, was to facilitate exchanges of intelligence, the implementation of joint operations and surveillance of opponents to governments (in particular through extradition).

"Chad has been a major beneficiary of US military assistance in Africa. This support was maintained and even increased throughout the Habré administration. Assistance was given principally through the International Military Education and Training Program (IMET) and the Military Assistance Program (MAP). The aims of this military assistance were set out in a document presented to the US Congress in 1987:

    "The objectives of the proposed IMET program are: to help the Chadian military develop the systems and operational and maintenance expertise needed for effective management, to encourage an indigenous training capability, and to promote a better understanding of the U.S. and demonstrate out commitment to democratic principles and human rights

"In 1998, Congress was informed that the US authorities had “provided $25 million in emergency military equipment and services under section 506(a) of the Foreign Assistance Act. Additional emergency aid was authorised in 1986 and 1987. These emergency funds and our MAP (Military Assistance Program) have enabled provision of three C-130A aircraft, ammunition, Redeye missiles, grenade launchers, rifles, four-wheel drive vehicles and support for previously acquired U.S. equipment.” The same document estimated that in 1983, 1984, 1985 and 1986 respectively, seven, 11, four and six million US dollars had been spent on “military deliveries”.

"None of the documents presented to Congress and consulted by Amnesty International covering the period from 1984 to 1989 make any reference to human rights violations.[7]

1990

Despite this victory, Habré's government was weak, and strongly opposed by members of the Zaghawa ethnic group. On December 1, 1990, he was deposed by Idriss Déby, a Zaghawa and one of his former generals, with support from Libya. Habré went into exile in Senegal, and Déby became president of Chad.

[1]

[2]

[3]

[4]

[5]

[6]

[7]

title: CIA activities in Chad

question: Summarize the events kept out of the discretion of the US Congress.

answer: Chad President Habré ordered the murder of 40,000 people as well as the torture of 200,000 for political reasons. The CIA and several other clandestine agencies of allied countries were complicit in the intelligence operations that helped Hebré retain his presidency. The high-ranking officials in the Chad Documentation and Security Directorate (DSD) were trained by CIA agents in the USA.

question: What does the article say about the CIA's actions in the Middle East?


text:
The Office Bathroom

So there I was, sitting on the toilet in the bathroom, minding my own business. In walks another patron for one of the other porcelain thrones. He takes the one furthest from me. Minutes go by, no major release from their anus. Meanwhile I am sitting there on Reddit, taking my time as I have already released the majority of my demons.

Suddenly, there is a tremor in the stalls. And what must have been a soft paste explodes from the ars of patron number 2. The kind that makes little popping sounds as it comes out in a medium-thick stream of smelly bile. Pop, pop, poppity pop it went. Followed by what can only be described as a cartoon fart. *BLARRRT* I giggle at the misfortune on this stranger as they may have held that poo to avoid my ridicule. But they failed.

As I proceed to clean myself, it hit me, a smell that is the enemy of any nostril. At first, it came it light waves and was mixed with fresh air, confusing me, not alerting me to the poop scented dangers that would soon approach. I stayed strong and kept my breathing to a minimum. I opened the stall door and ran to the sink. I was safe. I made it out alive. Or so I thought...

I looked myself in the mirror and watched as I gagged on the smell of another's feces. It was a silent gag, the kind that only makes your eyes water and your stomach churn. The water flowing from the faucet, my mind racing with images of rotten chocolate pudding.

At last, the soap was off of my hands and I made my way to the towel dispenser, dispensing several towels. I dried my hands and left the bathroom as quickly as I could, stomach in shambles and eyes a glazed over with pain.

title: The Office Bathroom

question: Where is the narrator?

answer: In the bathroom.

question: What does the narrator smell?

answer: Someone else's feces.

question: Write a ~2 sentence summary.

answer: The narrator is sitting on the toilet checking Reddit when someone in the stall next to them makes a horrible dump. They gag and wash their hands and leave the bathroom.


text:
PRADAL may refer to:

Places

-   Le Pradal, a commune in southern France

People with the surname

-   Bruno Pradal (1949–1992), French actor
-   Manuel Pradal (1964–2017), French screenwriter and film director
-   Philippe Pradal (born 1963), French politician

title: Pradal

question: Who was Bruno Pradal?

answer: Bruno Pradal was a French actor.

question: Who was Manuel Pradal?

answer: Manuel Pradal was a French screenwriter.

question: What is Le Pradal?

answer: Le Pradal is a commune in southern France.

question: Who is Philippe Pradal?

answer: Philippe Pradal is a French politician.

question: Write a ~1 sentence summary.

answer: 'Pradal' may refer to Le Pradal, a commune in southern France, Bruno Pradal (1949–1992), a French actor, Manuel Pradal (1964–2017), a French screenwriter, a film director, and  Philippe Pradal (born 1963), a French politician.


text:
[] []

[]

Welcome to Farming Simulator!

Here you will find the latest news, updates and other information about the game from GIANTS Software. Our moderators and other users in our online community will help you with support issues in our online forum. Have a lot of fun with Farming Simulator.

Farming Simulator is available for:

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Create a team of three and compete against the best players in the world to win prizes worth over 250,000€.

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FarmCon 20 is the place to meet other players, modders and fans of the Farming Simulator series.

Mod Contest 2019

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Create the best mod or map and win great prizes provided by LogitechG and other sponsors.

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Your source of information for everything modding-related.

Latest News from the Farm...

Featured DLC

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question: What is Farming Simulator?

answer: A game which allows you to run a simulated farm.

question: What is FarmCon '20?

answer: A convention for fans of this game.

question: What can you win when competing in Farm Simulator?

answer: Prizes worth over €250,000.

question: Write a ~1 sentence summary.

answer: A welcome page for Farm Simulator that informs the reader about events in the future (at the time of the article).


text:
I take a deep breath, adjust my goggles and sprint to the end. My feet barely touch the mass beneath me and I approach the tip of the wing, the wind screaming beautifully past me, a rush like the flow of blood through an artery, like a wave of water crushing a swimmer for a moment before allowing her respite, the swell of breath as you feel a lover’s touch on your thigh, her eyes locking with yours before her lips do the same. My left foot touches the edge, heel to toe; my knee flexes, and for a moment I think I hesitate, but perhaps I don’t and just wish I had. Perhaps I am pushed.  I launch and turn backwards, flipping so I can see the plane behind me, the earth upside down and for a moment, the briefest moment, I’m suspended in the air. According to physics it’s at this moment where I’m not moving in any direction. There is nothing pushing me this way or that, no commitment to worry about, no forces act on me at all. Then I fall towards the earth speeding along towards the cities, commitment, life, reality. For the next several minutes I feel myself speeding up, crushing down at the solid ground. Finally it feels like I’m not falling. I feel suspended again, floating full of life and feeling and power here 10,000 feet above terra firma.

Pushing through the sky like a bottle opener into a cork, I spin and spin diving further and further towards a certainty I cannot escape. Clouds come into view, glorious and looming. I see them so often from the ground they have become meaningless; up here where it’s different I see them for what they are: constantly shifting bodies. Clouds don’t move, they come into being in a different space, while leaving other parts to wisp away into the wind. They pulse and breathe. They hold you for a moment and then release you. Inside the cloud there’s a magic, a concrete feeling of luscious glory that lasts momentarily before I exit. Clouds come and go as do I, entering and exiting them at a velocity best described as wonderful but dizzying.

The ground is closer and more real than ever, and it’s time to pull. Put a stop to this freedom and embrace safety, end the charade of a freewheeling care-free young man and settle down. The equivalent of a wife and minivan, the kids and the bills and the security of others. Someone who doesn’t just give you the thrill and leave you, something that doesn’t feel like a one night stand. Time to plant your feet on solid ground.

I fall, hand on the cord, eyes on the altimeter, and slowly rotate so I fall looking at the sky. Looking at where I was, seeing how far I’ve come and wishing I was one minute ago, three days ago, 6 months ago. Being dropped is terrible, falling is exhilarating, but finding ground again…

Finding ground again is frightening. The idea of walking around miles below where you were and having to work to get back up here to the sky: well honestly it’s goddam awful. I want to be up in the sky again already, looking down at everyone beneath me, I want to be high up again. But no, right now I’m falling; falling increasingly faster and faster. The ground is rushing at me, that which was so unimportant only a moment ago is now so very important.

I think of what it took to get here. The training, the practice, the years of waiting, the checking of gas, wheels, equipment, radio, wings, instruments, and all the work just to reach the air. Learning and practice and practice and trust and building something that could work. Only to find yourself up high above the world, above it all, nothing can touch you. Packing the chute…

Oh god the parachute. I touch the cord handle of the cord and recall this fall isn’t like the others. I’ve been here before, but I always landed softly, holding the plastic handle that was attached to my chute. There’s nothing safe about it this time. This time I will land hard. I’m passed the moment where I can actually deploy and safely land on the ground. I yank hard on the cord and my chute rips open; a chest with ribs broken and a heart looking at the surgeon beating softly with the thump of a speaker. Wind fills the parachute and I feel myself slow down incredibly fast. I look down and I see the ground only one hundred feet away. I brace myself and try to glide in along the ground, I pull my feet up and I pull the cords by me and I look and I scream, my mouth opens wide and it all comes flying out of me. I slide through high grass going far too fast; my body instinctively curls up and I roll along the ground cracking bones, bruising ribs, and generally fucking up my body. I inhale dirt and scrape a gash on my shin that deposits blood on the ground every few feet. The roll last 6 seconds, but I feel like I’ve been tumbling for months. Dust is everywhere and the cloud billows up around me as I finally come to rest on the ground.

Broken, bruised, beaten, busted up and generally destroyed on every level of existence. I cough and blood mixes into the bare grass around me and I contemplate laying here forever. The sun is fading in the west I look over at it, and I watch, laying down in a mixture of brown, red, green, and yellow and realize that there’s nothing that has to happen, there’s nothing that is more important than finding my own strength and standing up to say I’m ready. I slowly rise up to my knees, and then one foot at a time, I stand up. I watch the sun burn the remnants of the day away, a bright orange ball that everyday cooks the world to a crisp, only to show up the next morning to a fresh new set of ingredients; ready to burn again. The sun’s flames lick the ground and for a moment, a lifetime of a moment, the ground glows red along the entire horizon. I shrug off my parachute and look back up the sky.

I’ll be back up there again soon.

title: Falling in Love and Falling out of a Plane

question: What is the mass beneath the narrator?

answer: It seems that the mass may be the platform the narrator jumps off of to sky dive.

question: What is the narrator describing in the first paragraph?

answer: The narrator describes the first few moments of sky diving after jumping off of a plane's platform.

question: What did it take for the narrator to "get here"?

answer: It took training, practice, years of waiting, and dealing with equipment to be able to reach the air for sky diving.

question: Does this story have a conflict?

answer: The story's conflict seems to be when the narrator realizes they are a bit late in pulling the cord for the parachute. This results in their being injured.

question: What is the most positive moment in this story?

answer: The most positive moment is when the narrator is free falling before the parachute. They describe themselves as feeling full of life, feeling, and power

question: What is the equivalent to a wife and minivan?

answer: It seems the narrator is referring to landing after sky diving.

question: Write a ~4 sentence summary.

answer: The narrator of this story describes their journey sky diving off a plane. They describe their thoughts and emotions from jumping off the platform all the way until they reach the ground. Due to delaying the pull of the parachute's cord, the narrator gets injured when they reach the ground. Regardless, the narrator looks forward to being back in the sky soon.


text:
[]For months now I’ve been experiencing some serious cognitive dissonance. I think it actually started over a year ago while I was staying at the Occupy San Francisco encampment set up in front of the Federal Reserve. I was invited, among others, to speak about the history and function of the Fed. In 2003 Edward Griffin’s book, “The Creature from Jekyll Island” set a brush fire in my mind, and I have largely used his arguments against the Fed, specifically that the Federal Reserve is not Federal, and not a reserve. Griffin adds that the Federal Reserve System is not a system, but that distinction really only carried weight at a time when calling it a “system” obfuscated the fact that it’s a central bank. These days most people don’t mind a central bank the way they did in 1913, but hearing for the first time that the Federal Reserve is not Federal can be jarring for people, and often it gets their attention long enough to explain that it’s actually a cartel of private banks issuing a debt based fiat currency. But at Occupy San Francisco I learned that there’s a whole different way that some people look at the problem.

One group, we’ll call them “Gold Bugs,” tends to focus on the “Reserve” part of the lie, railing against the folly of fiat money, and advocating a gold backed national currency. But there’s another group, which I’ve since learned are called “Green Backers” who focus on the “Federal” part of the lie. In their view paper isn’t the problem, and gold isn’t the answer. Private profit is the problem, and nationalizing the Fed so that the issuance of fiat paper is controlled by Congress is the answer.

Now, I’ve learned enough along the way to know that “nationalize” is a dirty word, but because of Edward Griffin and all the Gold Bug talking points I’d picked up I was accustomed to arguing that the Fed being privately held was at least part of the problem. So, that contradiction bounced back and forth in my head like a tennis ball for about a year. But now, thanks to Ben Stone from Bad Quaker Dot Com I think I’ve reconciled my thinking.

Ben recently did an episode of the Bad Quaker Podcast titled “Do Libertarians Want Government to Fix Government” in which he discusses a wide variety of issues in his delightful meandering way. In it he asserts, in no uncertain terms, that the Federal Reserve is a private corporation, and libertarians have no business asking Congress to audit or abolish privately held companies. Well, that scratched my brain right where it itched.

For some reason, even though libertarians trumpet that the Fed is a private banking cartel, we’ve been treating the problem as if it was a government agency, just as we’ve advocated the abolition of the IRS, or the Department of Education or the CIA. In reality we should take the same approach we take with all corporations. We should be dissolving the public/private partnership. The problem is not profit. The problem is not bureaucracy. The problem is not even economics. The problem is aggression. The problem is the monopoly privilege granted to the Fed by the State through legal tender laws. That is why Senator Nelson Aldrich was invited to that meeting of bankers on Jekyll Island in 1910. If they’d just wanted to form a cartel they wouldn’t have needed a Senator. They needed Aldrich because they needed the color of law.

Fundamentally I don’t care if they audit the Fed. There is nothing Congress could tell me about the Federal Reserve that would convince me to support it. But now I’m thinking I don’t really care if they abolish the Fed either. Why shouldn’t Ben Bernanke print as much paper as he wants? It’s no crime to put ink to paper. Destroying the value of paper by overprinting is no more a tax than destroying the value of iPods by over manufacturing would be. But we wouldn’t demand a congressional audit of Apple. The same economics applies. The Federal Reserve’s product is dollars. What business is it of Congress how much product a private company produces, or what they sell it for, or who they lend it to?

The act of aggression in the Federal Reserve System is not the printing of money, or the inflation of prices. It’s the enforcement of legal tender laws, and the stifling of competition by the State. It’s the fact that the State demands taxes in dollars, so even if the counter economy had sufficient labor, commodity and capital to sustain without transacting in the dollar economy the Feds would still come after us demanding dollars. It’s the fact that the State goes after almost every viable alternative currency whether it’s the Liberty Dollar or the Gold Dinar and finds some pretense to shut them down. Without this aggression from the State the value of paper would be subject to natural market forces and the Federal Reserve would be little more than a novelty certificate printing company.

So, I’m going to keep wearing my End the Fed t-shirt, and so should you if you’ve got one. But when people ask me what it means I’m not going to go into a long rant about the history and function of the Federal Reserve. I’m going to tell them what I really want deep down. I want to abolish the Federal Government.

Tags: Bad Quaker, Ben Stone, Edward Griffin, End the Fed, Federal Reserve, Jekyll Island, Occupy San Francisco

question: Why has the author been experiencing cognitive dissonance?

answer: The contradictory beliefs that the issue with the Federal Reserve is that they are privately held but that forcing them to nationalize is wrong.

question: Explain what Gold Bugs are.

answer: A group of people who focus on the fact that the Federal Reserve is not actually a reserve and rally against fiat money, advocating instead for a gold-backed national currency.

question: What is the author's opinion on the Federal Reserve System?

answer: They feel that the main issue with the Federal Reserve is that they have a monopoly.

question: What are Green Backers?

answer: A group of people who focus on the fact that the Federal Reserve is not federal. They believe the problem is not paper money but rather private profit and think the Federal Reserve should be nationalized.

question: Who is Ben Stone?

answer: A podcaster from Bad Quaker Dot Com who asserts that the Federal Reserve is a private corporation.

question: Who is the author of this piece?

answer: That information can't be found.

question: Write a ~4 sentence summary.

answer: The author discusses how they've been experiencing cognitive dissonance in regards to their anti-Federal Reserve stance. They had been arguing that the Federal Reserve being privately held was an issue but also do not believe that forcing them to nationalize is the answer. After listening to a podcast in which Ben Stone argues that the Federal Reserve is a private corporation, the author comes to the conclusion that the issue with the Federal Reserve is that they have a monopoly due to the enforcement of legal tender laws. The issue, they've decided, is the Federal Government, who stifles any alternative form of currency.


text:
The only thing legible on the newspaper was January 12th, 2012, as it was ripped apart by the tires of a speeding car on West Avenue. West Avenue was the street Melanie Smith used on her way to and from school every day.

The clock struck three, and the school bell rang. All the children ran out of their classrooms full of liberation with the afternoon now their own. The students came bursting out of the front door of the school as if it were a competition to see who could leave first. After escaping the crowd, Melanie took her normal route home down West Avenue. She noticed a large white van, the type stereotypically used for kidnapping, had been following her since she left school. She wasn’t nervous though. Melanie was full of the adolescent spirit, and she held firmly to the idea that nothing bad could happen to her. The van sped up, and stopped about 30 yards in front of Melanie. As she walked by she was quickly taken into the van by a masked and an unmasked man. The scene was oddly anticlimactic. Real life isn’t much like the movies. There isn’t any considerable competition in terms of strength when it comes to a twelve year old girl and two fully grown men. Once back in the van, the masked man said, “Don’t worry young lady. We aren’t going to hurt you. We’re just trying to get your father’s attention.”
The unmasked driver remained silent.

The idea was the masked and the unmasked man would kidnap Melanie Smith, and by using her Father’s love for her against him they could get leverage over his hefty bank account. At least that was the plan.
Finally the van stopped, and the unmasked driver let out a deep sigh. He turned the van off, unbuckled himself, and got out without saying a word. The ground crunched under his weight as he walked to the sliding side door of the van. His walking stopped and the sound of a gun being cocked pierced the silent air. A moment later a loud echoing shot blew through the van’s door. The masked man inside went limp and slouched over. A dark pool of blood began diffusing from his body. Melanie wasn’t quite sure how to respond. She managed to put up a bigger fight when the unmasked man grabbed her, but she was easily overpowered and carried into a house.
The man chuckled at Melanie’s fear. In a very calm and controlled voice he said, “I was just like you when I was a kid. I was so full of ignorance. Then one day, I came home from school, just like you were a little while ago, and found both of my parents dead. The man who had murdered them was sitting on our couch watching television and drinking beer.” The unmasked man smiled at Melanie and continued, “The man stood up from the couch and walked towards me. I was paralyzed with fear. He grabbed my head, and he said he wanted me to remember him for the rest of my life. So he did this.” The man pointed at his scar which resided from the edge of his lip all the way to his ear. He looked at Melanie with a blank gaze for a few moments, and then he turned and walked to the refrigerator and grabbed a beer. “You want one?” he asked.
Melanie remained silent.

“Yeah, I didn’t like the taste of beer when I was your age either, but it grows on you.” He laughed. “Anyway, let’s get down to business.” The unmasked man grabbed his cell phone and dialed a number. It rang until it went to voicemail.

“Hello, this is Richard Smith. I can’t get to the phone right now. Please leave your name and your number. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”

The unmasked man sighed and said, “I have your daughter. Call me back at 567-9845, or I’ll kill her.” The phone rang almost as soon as he hung up. The unmasked man was quick and to the point. He demanded that Richard come to the house. Richard Smith was a nice man. He provided for his family the best he could, and he encouraged Melanie in everything she found interest in. Richard even donated a significant amount of money to the local food bank every month, because he thought everyone deserved to be helped. He was the change he wanted to see in the world.

Filled with fear and anger Richard rushed to get all his money that he expected a kidnapper to want, and he went to the address the man had given him. He arrived at the house and ran to the front door. He was greeted with the sight of a man holding a gun to his daughter’s head.

The unmasked man said, “Come in Richard. Have a seat.”

Richard walked across the room and sat down.

“Very good Richard. Can I offer you a beer?”

Richard obviously growing angrier by the moment threw the bag of money to the middle of the room and asked, “Can I please take my daughter and leave? That’s all my money.”

The unmasked man laughed and said, “It’s not about money. Money was my partner’s desire.” He then commanded, “Go into the last room at the end of the hall or I’ll blow your daughter’s brain all over the fucking wall.”

As Richard arrived in the room he was struck in the back of the head with the butt of a gun which knocked him out.

“You back with us Richard?” The unmasked man laughed with glee. Richard came to, and he found himself ducked taped to a metal chair in the middle of a room. In front of him was his daughter.

“Do you know why the nice and peaceful life just doesn’t work Richard? It’s because a nice, relaxing picnic is too easily ended with a machinegun. That’s the reason you’re taped to a chair in some stranger’s house.” The unmasked man let out a sigh. “But don’t worry Richard. When it comes right down to it, I’m no better off than you.” The unmasked man began pacing behind Richard and said, “You see a guy like me, a real bad guy, has the same fate as a good guy like you and a naïve child like Melanie. What we do in life has no meaning in the scheme of it all Richard. It always ends the same.”

Richard began struggling trying to break the tape but his efforts were futile. He looked at his daughter and said, “Everything is going to be alright. I promise.”

The unmasked man stopped pacing and faced Melanie, “Oh no Melanie. Everything is not going to be alright. Things are not alright in the slightest.”

A loud click could be heard from below the floor, and the vents opened.

The unmasked man said, “You’ll be gazing down the yawning void in no time.”

The room gradually filled with poisonous fumes, and Richard, the unmasked man, and Melanie all expired.

title: The Good, Bad, and the Naïve

question: How did the kidnapper catch Richard's daughter?

answer: He grabbed her when she was walking home from school and pulled her into an unmarked white van.

question: Who is the narrator?

answer: The narrator is 3rd person omniscient.

question: Will Richard get his daughter back?

answer: No, the kidnapper kills Richard, his daughter, and himself.

question: Who is the kidnapper?

answer: A psychotic, raving lunatic.

question: Write a ~4 sentence summary.

answer: Two kidnappers grab Melanie after school with a plan to use her as leverage to get money from her father, Richard. Things do not go according to plan when one of them kills the other. The remaining kidnapper does not want money, and lures Richard to the house with the promise of a ransom. When Richard gets there, he overpowers him, tapes him to a chair, and kills himself, Richard and Melanie with a poisonous gas, telling Richard there is no meaning to life and it all ends the same way.


text:
[Sep 18, 2016; Pittsburgh, PA, USA; Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Andy Dalton (14) talks with offensive coordinator Ken Zampese (R) on the sidelines against the Pittsburgh Steelers during the third quarter at Heinz Field. The Pittsburgh Steelers won 24-16. Mandatory Credit: Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports]

Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports

Ken Zampese laughs hard when he's told he is standing on the springboard that should launch him into an NFL head coaching career.

"I haven't called a play in the NFL yet," he told B/R during the offseason, once the laugh subsided. "That's the last thing on my mind."

Fair enough. The longtime Bengals quarterbacks coach and new Bengals offensive coordinator has a lot to accomplish at his current job before he worries about the next one. He must guide the offense through significant free-agent losses. He must continue pushing quarterback Andy Dalton. And he has to help them win that elusive first playoff game.

[]

Al Behrman/Associated Press

Still, Zampese must know that coordinating the Bengals is a sure gateway to becoming a hot head coaching candidate. His predecessor, Hue Jackson, now coaches the Browns. Previous offensive coordinator Jay Gruden took Washington to the playoffs last year. On the defensive side of the ball, Mike Zimmer coaches a playoff team in Minnesota.

For the son of a coaching legend who has spent 13 seasons on the same rung of the NFL ladder, the chance for sudden, rapid advancement must have a little appeal. Right?

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. First things first."

Fine. Zampese is still getting used to that "play-calling" thing. But he has spent a lifetime surrounded by some of the greatest play-callers in football history. So that part should come easy.

THE MISEDUCATION OF KEN ZAMPESE

Zampese spent his childhood summers on the University of California at San Diego campus, training camp home of the San Diego Chargers, getting an inside look at one of the NFL's legendary offenses.

Maybe too much of an inside look.

"After the meetings were over, those guys would go up into the big lounge at UCSD," Zampese recalled. "They would break out the beer and hard liquor and put the dominoes on the table and go at it, two-on-two, with coaches and scouts sitting around waiting for their turn like it was three-on-three basketball at the rec."

"And I was sitting in the corner getting educated beyond anything I ever thought was gonna happen, having the time of my life."

[SAN DIEGO - DECEMBER 1: Head coach Don Coryell and quarterback Dan Fouts #14 of the San Diego Chargers discuss strategy on the sidelines during a game against Buffalo Bills at Jack Murphy Stadium on December 1, 1985 in San Diego, California. The Charger]

George Rose/Getty Images

Zampese's father was Ernie Zampese, Don Coryell's top offensive lieutenant. The domino players were guys like Dan Fouts, Kellen Winslow, Charlie Joiner and Wes Chandler, superstars of the Chargers' famed Air Coryell offense, the system that ushered in the modern era of passing-oriented football.

Ken Zampese was in his early teens at the time, a ball boy sharing a dorm room with his father. He painted lines and stenciled numbers on the practice field while his father served as Coryell's assistant head coach, offensive coordinator and _consigliere_. Coryell once told Chris Dufresne of the _Los Angeles Times_ that Zampese was "the best offensive coach" he knew. John Madden, who coached in the Coryell circle in the mid-1960s, once said Zampese "may be the top offensive mind in the game."

Yet Ken Zampese said his father rarely brought football home with him; there were no X and O conversations around the football table. The elder Zampese didn't want his son following in his coaching footsteps; the money wasn't good at the time, and the job security has always been awful.

For his part, Ken Zampese didn't have much interest in joining the family business, even as he set up the practice fields for the Chargers. The younger Zampese played football at the University of San Diego, graduated with a business degree and planned to start climbing the corporate ladder.

"I got a summer job at Wells Fargo. I worked one day and I never went back," Zampese said. "I couldn't do it. It wasn't me."

Zampese joked that he went to graduate school "to hide." He became a graduate assistant for the USC football team. Soon, he discovered both a knack and a passion for coaching. "I don't know if it was running from actual work that led me to this profession, wanting to have more in common with my dad or what I was comfortable doing. Maybe it was all three."

[21 Jul 1995: Dallas Cowboys offensive coordinator Ernie Zampese looks on during training camp in Austin, Texas. Mandatory Credit: Stephen Dunn /Allsport]

Stephen Dunn/Getty Images

But both the older and younger Zampese were reluctant to use nepotism to advance Ken's career. While Ernie coordinated the Cowboys offense in the latter part of the Troy Aikman-Emmitt Smith-Michael Irvin triplets era, Ken rose through the ranks at Northern Arizona and Miami of Ohio.

Life in the mid-majors introduced Ken Zampese to a new set of coaching influences. There was charismatic USC defensive coach Bob Cope ("He was my first mentor," Zampese recalls, "He taught me defense. He taught me a lot about life."). And also Miami of Ohio coach Randy Walker, whose coaching tree includes Sean Payton, Aaron Kromer, current Indiana coach Kevin Wilson and others.

"He's a difference-maker," Zampese said of Walker. "He handled the mentality and the attitude of everyone single-handedly. All you had to do was coach."

Zampese reached the NFL as an offensive assistant for the Eagles in 1998, sharing an office with Payton for a 3-13 team. When the whole Eagles staff was fired, Zampese followed head coach Ray Rhodes to Green Bay. After a disappointing Packers season, Zampese was part of another mass dismissal.

Zampese's two children were toddlers. The instability of coaching life that his father warned of had struck. "I was sitting on the couch again, looking for work again," Zampese said.

"Mike Martz saved me."

Martz had deep roots in the Coryell system. He and Ernie Zampese worked together on the Rams staff in the early 1990s. Martz used the chassis of the Air Coryell offense to build The Greatest Show on Turf. The kid who watched Fouts and Winslow play dominoes was now helping Kurt Warner and Marshall Faulk break offensive records as he climbed from offensive assistant to receivers coach to passing-game coordinator.

"Mike is the most creative guy I have ever been around," Zampese said. But Martz's influence runs deeper than just designing plays and installing game plans. "His delivery was just off the charts. How he spoke to guys. The confidence he had in each player came through every time he talked to them."

Zampese joined the Bengals as their quarterbacks coach in 2003. The coach who was once warned off the profession because of its instability suddenly found himself in one of the most stable situations in modern NFL history.

THE SHELL GAME

Offseason workdays were only a little longer for Zampese since his promotion. He was on the road for predraft pro days more than most previous years but fewer than in 2011, when he embarked on what he called "The Jacksons Victory Tour" in search of the Bengals' next franchise quarterback.

It's the scope of the work that has broadened. "A lot more things come home with me," he said before the draft. "The computer comes home with me: a hard drive with every college game that ever was in 2015 on it."

The hard drive was not just for college scouting, but also for new play design and game-plan ideas. Zampese doesn't anticipate making major changes to the Bengals offense, but he is always on the lookout for new wrinkles. "You always have to find ways to make it look different or find something else that's easy," Zampese said. "We're always searching for those things. Keep moving the shell game."

[Hue Jackson, Zampese and Andy Dalton in 2015.]

Hue Jackson, Zampese and Andy Dalton in 2015.Al Behrman/Associated Press/Associated Press

Zampese's sleight of offensive hand sounds a lot like Hue Jackson's Pandora's box. Jackson promised reporters he'd throw the kitchen sink at opponents last year, and he delivered: options, Wildcat plays, strange formations with offensive linemen split out as wide receivers, everything short of the Statue of Liberty play.

Pushing the envelope of unpredictability means pushing into the hinterlands of football strategy. The Bengals offensive staff has always been research-oriented, scouring college and pro game film for new concepts. And while Jackson and Gruden may have been the big-picture guys, Zampese was the one sweating the small stuff.

"He's the most detailed guy I've ever seen," Gruden said of Zampese during this year's scouting combine. "For my lack of detail, he made up for it."

"His expertise, his vision of the offense—any time you get an opportunity to put your hands on something you've been a part of, you get a chance to push it in new directions," Marvin Lewis said.

"It's a system I helped put together," Zampese said. "Now I get a chance to put my spin on the install."

Players sound excited as well. "To have a guy like Zamp who's been here for a long time and has been in this offense ever since I've been in it is great," Andy Dalton told reporters. "He understands our players; he understands me. I think it's a perfect transition for us."

Key to that transition is the continuity the team discussed during minicamp. "I'm not learning a new person," Dalton said. "Zamp's been my quarterback coach since I've been here. We already have that great relationship. I understand how he thinks and does things."

"You've seen less of that particular thing, where Andy has to do any kind of translation," Lewis told reporters. "Our quarterback continues to blossom with his own leadership and his personality. Kenny provides a new space for him to continue to do that."

Yet Zampese is tasked with pushing the offense forward just as free agency forced the Bengals offense to take a step backward. Marvin Jones and Mohamed Sanu are now in Detroit and Atlanta, respectively, leaving Dalton without his second and third wide receivers and Zampese without his best big-play alternative to A.J. Green (Jones) and trick-play Swiss army knife (Sanu). And tight end Tyler Eifert has missed the start of the season as he recovers from surgery on his ankle.

Still, Zampese has plenty of talent to work with, from Dalton, Green and Gio Bernard to newcomers Brandon LaFell and rookie Tyler Boyd. Zampese hasn't scaled back his attack much early in the season, despite two tough opponents (the Jets and Steelers) and rainy conditions on Sunday. The unbalanced lines, three-man offensive lines and intricate screens are still there. For a man who spent a lifetime among coaches like Coryell, Martz and Jackson, strategic envelope-pushing is a fundamental concept of coaching.

[Giovani Bernard has been the Bengals' second-most targeted player by Andy Dalton through the first two games of this season.]

Giovani Bernard has been the Bengals' second-most targeted player by Andy Dalton through the first two games of this season.Joe Sargent/Getty Images

"Don't be afraid to do things that are unique," Zampese said. "Because it's in your uniqueness that you gain an advantage on a team that was not able to practice that formation.

"What is the next wrinkle? We look at the NFL tape, look at the college tape. Wherever we can find a new idea, we're going to find it."

With so many ideas, it makes you wonder why it took him so long to get his chance.

AMONG FAMILY

Much as his coaching career followed in his father's path, so, too, did Ken Zampese's career arc. Ernie Zampese was famously uninterested in an NFL head coaching job. "I wouldn't like to do it and I don't have to do it," he told the _L.A. Times_ of leaving Coryell's side for his own team in the 1980s.

The elder Zampese replaced Madden as the head coach at Allan Hancock Junior College (Santa Maria, California) in the mid-1960s and found he hated the duties assistants and coordinators don't have to worry about, from speaking at press conferences to firing assistants. "I don't like to be the out-front guy," he told the _L.A. Times_ in 1987. "I'm not comfortable in that position."

Perhaps it's no surprise then that Ken Zampese arrived in Cincinnati and stayed in the same job for 13 years.

The Bengals didn't make it easy to leave.

Carson Palmer arrived in Zampese's second season; Dalton when the relationship between the Bengals and Palmer soured in 2011. Bob Bratkowski was his offensive coordinator for eight years; Lewis has always been his head coach his entire tenure. And the Bengals are always in the playoffs. Why move on?

"You're always looking. But you know how good you have it. Do you really want to do that? Or do you want to continue and keep stability in your family, keep stability in your work?"

"When you take another job, you're gone. You are in another city. You don't see your kids until summertime. That's not OK with me."

That stability proved important last season, when Zampese's wife, Christine, was diagnosed with breast cancer last October. While Christine battled, the franchise rallied to the family's side. Former quarterbacks Palmer and Jon Kitna even checked in on the family.

"They treat you like family," Zampese said of the Bengals organization. "And they mean it. And it's for real."

Even before his wife's illness, Zampese enjoyed advantages that few NFL coaches can imagine. "I got my kids all the way through high school in the same house."

Zampese said he had opportunities for advancement elsewhere, but none that appealed to him. Lewis said he spoke to Zampese about the last two coordinator vacancies before deciding upon Gruden and Jackson, both of whom had considerable play-calling experience (Gruden in the Arena Football League, Jackson at several stops and as head coach of the Raiders).

"In those two instances, I chose to go a different direction," Lewis told reporters after promoting Zampese in January. "This time I chose to go with Ken." Lewis mentioned that as an assistant coach's roles and responsibilities grow, they prove themselves worthy of promotion.

[Though the Bengals are off to an 0-2 start, Zampese has overseen an offense that ranks second in the NFL in passing yards per game.]

Though the Bengals are off to an 0-2 start, Zampese has overseen an offense that ranks second in the NFL in passing yards per game.John Minchillo/Associated Press/Associated Press

During Zampese's introductory press conference, a reporter asked Lewis if he ever promotes a coach he considers to be his eventual successor. Lewis laughed. "There's no doubt. My place? Wow," Lewis said before moving on to more pressing January matters.

Zampese said his "pursuit of moving up will happen when it happens," sounding just a little like his father in the 1980s. But head coaching opportunities could soon arrive, including one that won't require a change of address if Lewis retires or the Bengals decide a shake-up is the only route to the Super Bowl.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

He hasn't called many plays yet.

One thing at a time.

question: What led Ken Zampese to coaching?

answer: One of three reasons. He  was running from actual work, he wanted to have more in common with his  dad, and that was what he was comfortable doing. Maybe all three reasons.

question: Explain why Randy Walker is a difference maker?

answer: He handles the mentality and the attitude of everyone single-handedly.

question: What sport is Ken Zampese involved in?

answer: He is a offensive coordinator for a football team.

question: Is family important to Ken Zampese?

answer: Yes, it is a major consideration that he can live in the same house as his sons.

question: Does Ken Zampese want to become a head coach for an NFL team?

answer: He says that he hasn't called a play in NFL yet and cautions to not get ahead of ourselves. He also says that first things should come first.

question: What is Ken Zampese's great strength as a coach?

answer: He is extremely detail oriented and can analyze, replicate and develop new plays.

question: Write a ~3 sentence summary.

answer: Ken Zampese is promoted to offensive coordinator for the Bengals, where he worked as the quarterback coach for the past 13 seasons. He looks forward to calling plays. He doesn't have any plans yet to be promoted to head coach of an NFL team.


text: An aged man, a veteran of one of an incessant stream of foreign wars, sits in his summerhouse in a compact flint-walled garden. A small patch of sweet peas grows nearby, as does a solitary cherry tree which for lack of bees this year bore no fruit ...

title: Aesculus Hippocastanum — A Short Story

question: Who is the man?

answer: This information can't be found.

question: Where is the man sitting?

answer: The man is sitting in his summerhouse.

question: Write a ~0 sentence summary.