text:
Saturdays with Sharal-Min Jones

Saturdays were always gloomy for Sharal-Min Jones. It was always sunny, not a single cloud in the sky, and the animals were hopping all around. It was also the day that everyone decided to tell him that he sucked. For example:

“Hey there John!”

“Sharal-Min? Gross, what are you doing outside? You really should go back in so we don't catch your ugly on such a beautiful day!”
And they were always completely serious. Not once did Sharal-Min see a smile or a snigger. Just completely straight and disgusted faces looking at him.

Nowadays he never went out. His skin had greyed over time (what a ghoul), and his teeth had yellowed because he never got toothpaste. Nor a new toothbrush. Usually he ate mice off the ground for food, and drank whatever dripped through the hole in his ceiling asbestos. Even I think he should be dead by now, and you should see my ugly face!

Today was the day that the mice stopped coming, the annoying neighbor's escaped chickadees built a nest over his water hole, and he started to die. “But I can't go outside,” he thought. Sure, nobody even knew who he was anymore (again: never went outside), but he had agoraphobia, and was therefore afraid of leaving home.

So finally he stepped outside. Then ran right back in. Then out. Then in. Out. In. Out. Out. Okay, he had done it! Sure, he had only confused himself, but he was managing, rig-

Sharal-Min half-fainted back into his house and clutched at his heart. Alright, there was only one solution to this: he needed to bring out the flour bag.

Flour bag? No, I'm not messing with you. This freak had an old flour bag in his strongbox. Just the idea that this guy had a strongbox should be creepy. He even named it, too: Marisson. When did he get it? I would say about ten years ago when he had visited that fortune teller. She had told him, “When you become mentally unable to leave your house, open this bag and say 'I wish 'dat I was coo' like 'dem udda kids.' It'll get rid of your fears like that!” With two snaps. Yeah, not one. Two. Pretty badass, huh?

So Sharal-Min Jones did as he was told. Instantly he felt better, but was kind of worried when he saw green smoke swirl up from the bag. It circled around the room, and only a few seconds later the bag coughed. Well, the opening did this sort of thing where it blew out really big then sucked back in, anyways. Sharal-Min doubted that the bag could be animate.

Then the freaking thing talked. “Thanks bro!” it said, and S-M. J. peed himself. He started back so badly that he knocked over some shelves, got hit with the various heavy bowling balls he kept on them, and died.

I know what you're thinking: “Great, so Sharal-Min Jones, the hero of the story, just peed himself and died by consecutive bowling balls to the head.” Yep, that's exactly right.

title: Saturdays

question: Why is it gross that Sharal-Min is outside?

answer: It could be that the day is humid due to gray skies that are mentioned. Also it seems like John is just calling him gross?

question: WHy is John so comfortable calling Sharai-Min gross?

answer: It seems to be because of his gray skin.

question: Why is there a flour bag?

question: Are these characters on hallucinogenic drugs?

answer: Probably.

question: Write a ~4 sentence summary.

answer: Sharal-Min steps outside and is immediately heckled by John, who asserts that Sharal-Min is ugly. Sharal-Min has a hard time stepping outside. This time, he manages to do this, but then some green smoke billows from a flour bag that is in the strong box. Sharal-Min is so frightened that he pees himself.


split: train

text:
RICHARDSONS WESTGARTH & COMPANY was a leading British shipbuilding and marine engineering business. The Company was based in Hartlepool and was a major employer in the area.

History

The Company was established in 1832 by Thomas Richardson as a marine engineering concern based in Hartlepool under the name of _T Richardson & Sons_.[1] In 1900 it merged with _Sir C. Furness Westgarth and Company_ of Middlesbrough and _W. Allen and Company_ of Sunderland to form _Richardsons Westgarth_.[2] As part of the merger Furness Withy, a shipping business, took a controlling interest in the Company.[3]

From 1840 to 1857, products included steam locomotives.[4] The Company was at the forefront of the development of steam engines and diesel engines for large ships throughout the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries.[5] It built engines for many ships including . In 1927, the company began manufacturing Brown Boveri designed turbo-alternators under licence.[6] It acquired the firm of George Clark in Sunderland in 1938.[7] In 1962 its marine activities were merged with that of Weir Group[8] and it began focussing on engineering for power stations such as Trawsfynydd[9] and Dungeness B. It ceased operations in Hartlepool in 1982.[10]

The Company then diversified into steel processing and was acquired by Klöckner, one of the world's largest steel stockholders, in 2000.[11]

[1] Port Cities: T. Richardson

[2] Port Cities: Richardsons Westgarth

[3] Christopher Furness, Obituary The Times, 11 November 1912

[4]

[5] British Marine Industry and the Diesel Engine

[6]

[7]

[8] VWS Westgarth: History

[9] Nuclear Power Plants in the UK - Scotland and Wales

[10]

[11] Klöckner & Co expands business in the UK

title: Richardsons Westgarth & Company

question: Where was Richardsons Westgarth & Company based?

answer: The company was based in Hartlepool.

question: When was the company established?

answer: The company was established in 1832.

question: What did the company do in 1927?

answer: The company began manufacturing Brown Boveri designed turbo-alternators under license.

question: Who acquired the company, and when did this happen?

answer: The company was acquired by Klöckner, one of the world's largest steel stockholders, in 2000.

question: Write a ~2 sentence summary.

answer: Richardsons Westgarth & Company was a British shipbuilding and marine engineering business. It was established in 1832 and was acquired by Klöckner, one of the world's largest steel stockholders, in 2000.


text:
I'm posting this in a moment of weakness. Please sympathize with me and don't be a jerk. And yes their are some stupid parts. I'm a freshman and high school. I thin it's not half bad.

The Fake Relationship

The wind pressed against my face.  It was 6:30 in the evening and I was praying on the forward of the ship. The sun was setting now, leaving a wonderful streak of red and light pink. We had  embarked four days ago and I had enjoyed the cruise with a host of new friends. Caitie, a beautiful blond, was the first of many teenagers my age that I spent my days with. She had a step-sister, Lexie, and they were both from Witicha, Kansas. After I had finished my prayer, I laid against the glass that protected the miniature golf course from the powerful wind. The best nights to pray were the nights where the ship was traveling directly into the wind. Physics where against me, but I broke the equilibrium and stood face first in to a wonderful stream of cooling air. Ecstasy, The cruise ship I was traveling on, had thirteen decks with a mixture of staterooms, restaurants, shops, and clubs for many different age groups; Because of my age, I was placed into the high school  teen's club. I checked the time- 7:08-, I began my walk down stairs to meet up with Emily, a short, brown-haired sixteen year old. Emily had a later eating time then myself so we arranged a time to meet up and go to the teen's club. I walked down two fleets of stairs and came to the grand entrance where I boarded the ship. The grand entrance had two main elevators and two secondary elevators, but I never used them because they were much to slow. Luckily, I had taken the time on the first day to learn where everything on the ship was and where the corridors went. When I approached Emily, she was wearing tan shorts and a tank top over her bikini.

"Hey! How was dinner?", I asked.

"It was pretty good," She had a high pitched voice that for some reason was not annoying to listen to. The conversation we had was pointless, but if everything in our life had to have meaning it would be pointless. I checked the time again- a habit I had made to check if it was a dream or not- and it was 8:34. By this time, a large number of people had walked into the club and began socializing and enjoying the latest songs. Then, Zulay began passing along white tee shirts to everybody in the room and placed a tub of markers on a table for every to sign each other's shirts. I picked up a maker immediately began signing people's shirts.  Caitie, who 'hated' me, wrote, "I freakin' hate you" all over the front of my shirt. I laughed. Later on in the night, I handed my shirt to Emily who wrote half a paragraph about how she would miss me and I should never stop talking to her. The smile on her face was genuine and made me believe with every strain of muscle in my heart that she meant every single word; so, we continued on with the night like every other teenager, with our heart in the moment.

"I'm going to go back to my stateroom. I have to fly home tomorrow and hurry to my cheerleading completion." Every word from her mouth seemed to slow time and at the thought that tomorrow morning will be the last time I see her my heart turned to stone.

"oh, It's alright. Hey. Um before you go what's your number so I can talk to you later." The nervousness grow in my voice as I said the last few words. She gave me her number and as I typed in the last few numbers she had already left the room. I hurried out of the club to joined her. We walked downstairs and to her stateroom. I said good night as if it was the last time I would see her. After this, I went to my room and feel asleep.

The next day, I woke and found myself already missing her, but I had hope because I had her cell phone number so after today I could text her often. So I lived that day as a normal day before the embankment, texting friends and listening to music on the two hour ride home.

A few days later, I felt like it was time to continue my relationship with Emily; so, I texted her. She responded a few minutes later and I had a conversation with her, but she wasn't talking like she was on the cruise. She used one-word answers and never sent more than three words in a text, but I disregarded it.

June 16, half a month after my last conversation with Emily and I had not had a reply. I wasn't sure what to think of the situation so I forced it out of my mind. But, the festering idea that she had forgotten about me still remained. I couldn't let such an amazing person out of my life; so, I tried again. My phone went off, I had high hopes but it was Callie. She told me that she was going to drink with some 'friends.' I persuaded her not to, but it was set in her heart that she wanted to; so, I franticly texted Emily and explained the situation and how she always had good ideas and solutions for problems.To my surprise, I got a reply and I read the words slowly dissecting every single one. She sounded friendly, but it was only words on a screen. She expressed her concern and what she would have done. Most of which, I had already did. After a few more text messages about Callie, I said, "It would be nice if we talked every now and again." So, we did and it was so wonderful reconnecting with her. I remembered the five wonderful days with her and the level of reality I felt when I was with her. It was getting late so I said good night and how it was nice to reconnect. I had hoped that this would be the new beginning for our relationship, but she had other plans. The next day, I texted hoping we could talk some more like last night. She did not.

This struck me like a car slamming into a 18 Wheeler. I had no hope about reconnecting anymore; because, my idea that she had forgotten me for whatever reason was true and she just wanted me gone. And then I remembered, It was a small detail but an important one. She had said that the jacket she was wearing was her boyfriends. All emotion left me. I felt nothing, not rage nor tears. I just felt empty so I went to bed.

The next morning, I still felt nothing, but I was inspired. So I wrote onto a notepad, "I dream about you every now and again. Even after you rejected me. I can't help my subconscious. You're too deep for me to forget you.  Nor do I want to forget.  I dream about you every now and again. When I do, it's always comforting. You give me hope about how you forgot me, but I'm dead and gone to you. Please don't make me beg; the only outcome I want is you accepting that I should be in your life. But what is your reason now? Or better yet. Is it you who fail to accept me in your life? Or is it him." Unlike an English paper, The words just flowed from my mind. I recalled the events in my head, The true was that I had been blind to the reality that not everyone you meet is who they really are. Some people will lie to you and will make you believe they care for you, but to her I was just a flirt.

title: The Fake Relationship. I wrote this for a class forever ago. Forgive the grammatical errors please. I haven't had time to fix them and it's almost hard to work on this story anymore. [First]

question: What does the article say about teenage marriages?

question: Explain why Emily distanced herself from the narrator.

answer: It seems that while she enjoyed spending time with the narrator while on a cruise, she didn't want to progress into anything lasting or serious. Perhaps, this was because she has a boyfriend. Another reason could be that she doesn't like long-distance friendships or relationships.

question: Why does the narrator get stuck on Emily?

answer: Their time on the cruise was very enjoyable. It seems that she stole the narrator's heart when she said she wants him to never stop talking to her. It may also be the case that the narrator gets hooked because Emily was his first flirt.

question: What is the main source of conflict in the story?

answer: The narrator thinks he has a chance of having a real relationship (either friendly or romantic, probably the latter) with Emily. However, she doesn't seem to be interested in anything like that. This difference is the main conflict.


text:
Companies spend thousands (often millions) of dollars and countless man hours developing and marketing their products. However, a sale often hinges on a simple first impression, gut feeling or the customer’s memory. Often that first and hopefully lasting impression comes from your logo.

A logo is the centerpiece of your branding strategy. It defines not only your “look and feel”, but the emotive qualities that underscore who you are as a business. Your logo should instantly communicate that message in a way that connects with your target audience.

What are the different types of logo design?

▪ ICONIC / SYMBOLIC – Uses visual imagery to relate to your product, company name or even communicate the intangible such as positioning, mission or ethics. Often these are the most recognizable brands in the world because a symbol can stand on it’s own, even without the brand name.

[]

▪ LOGOTYPE / WORDMARK – Uses the details of typography to communicate the essence of your brand. The subtle personality  differences of typography should never be underestimated. What typography characteristics best represents your business?

[]

▪ COMBINATION MARKS – The combination of the symbolic and wordmark logos. This is the most common type of logo because it combines the power and recognition of a symbolic logo with the awareness from being able to read the company name.

[]

Many brands often have a version of each type of logo giving them versatility when using their logo in various space constraints. These brands have an approved symbolic logo, wordmark and combination logo that each have defined roles and uses. Some brands also evolve their logo over time. For example, Starbucks recently simplified their logo by dropping the type. Considering that my 3-year old (who can’t read yet) knows the Starbucks logo means coffee it’s safe to say they have enough brand recognition for a symbolic mark to stand alone.

[]

Anyone with a pirated copy of Photoshop can choose a random font, draw a shape, and call it a logo. However, at MODassic, we are interested in building brands. That starts with developing a logo that communicates something. Being that your logo is the foundation of your brand and marketing strategy, we believe investing in your logo design is a smart move. If you’re looking for an agency to help rebrand your company – we’d love to chat!

There are many sites online where you can browse logos to get inspiration for your own. Logopond and Dribbble are great sources of design inspiration.

Download Our Brand Identity Checklist

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question: What should be the centerpiece of your branding strategy?

answer: The logo should be the center of one's branding strategy.

question: What are the different types of logo design?

answer: The different types of logo design are iconic/symbolic, logotype/wordmark, and combination marks.

question: Why do many brands have a version of each type of logo?

answer: Many brands have a version of each type of logo in order to have versatility for certain situations, as each type of logo will have its own defined roles and uses.

question: What are some sites that on can use to find inspiration for one's own logo?

answer: Logopond and Dribble are great sources of design inspiration.

question: Write a ~2 sentence summary.

answer: This article gives an explanation of why logos are important for brands, as they communicate the look and feel of the business. It gives a description of the 3 different types of logos and their uses.


text:
The boy is trapped by nightmares and darkness. He can't escape.
At sunset, he climbs into his bed and dreams of lies, pain and death...
The putrid stench of dying, rotting flesh. Why? Why is life so pitiful? The ground is littered with death. The skies weep, tossing down puddles of endless misery. The red lake grows larger.
I toss and turn, but I stay still, possessed by a living nightmare. Beads of sweat accumulate on my forehead. I'm drowning. The water... It never stops. Make it stop. Stop!
Quiet. In the distance. Are those people? ...Demons. Run.
I'm one of them. How could this be? How could this happen?
The screams, the blood, the terror, pulsing through the veins of a thousand sleeping warriors all armored and ready for war. They watch, frozen like statues as clouds of dark mist cascade on their helpless bodies.
A lake of blood.
Did it end? Is it over? The covers. They strangle me. I'm choking. Get it off! Stop it! Get away!
The dark mist. It won't leave.
I fly over the blood stained hills, the water reflecting the gruesome battle. I'm flying? What am I? What have I become?
Listen. The sounds of wounded men. Somebody help them! But there's no time to waste.
The door opens. A cloaked figure silently glides to the bedside of a troubled boy and whispers in the dead of night.
No audible words.
The ritual begins.
No... The end is near. The ritual... is already over.
What happened?
The boy awakens. He sees a man in a robe on his bedside. The man is talking.
The boy asks the man, "What happened? I'm scared."
"Well, son, Satan tried to scare my little warrior tonight, but he won't win."
"How do you know that?" The boy had no comprehension of Satan, but he was troubled by the name regardless.
"Because I happen to be your father. I'm here to protect you, son."
The boy, comforted by the robed man, slowly glided back underneath the covers as the robed man tucked him in.
The boy, once asleep, dreamt about a wonderful place. Beautiful, winged creatures soared effortlessly through silky skies, emitting light on their journeys. Magnificent buildings flooded the golden streets, and joyous praises could be heard throughout.
The boy, guided by instinct, found and opened the door to his house.
The robed man, waiting for him through the door, took the boy's hand and guided him through marble stairways, high arches, and intricately detailed furnished rooms.
The boy, curious by the unworldly beauty of the place, outstretched his hands and delicately glided his small fingers across the walls in awe of the mysterious texture.
When the boy had satisfied his curiosity, the robed man took the boy's hand once again and led him outside.
They walked through the streets, observing the peculiar yet beautiful creatures that endlessly fluttered around the robed man.
As they approached closer to one of the creatures, the boy could hear an angelic voice resonating loudly from its mouth.
The creature spoke of a wonderful king who conquered death and defeated sin, but the boy had never heard those words before. He had no ability to comprehend the story that was being told, but he enjoyed listening to the voice nonetheless.
His eyes teared up, and his vision blurred. He wasn't scared, however. His mind rattled with love, hope, peace, and joy, emotions he had never experienced before.
The emotions, beautiful creatures, the golden streets and the perfect climate. Paradise. How could one long for anything else?
The boy peacefully awoke at sunrise. He hopped enthusiastically to the window and opened the blinds. His eyes caught the first glimpse of the sunrise in the distance, and he felt happy.
His hands touched the cold window, and he made a shape of a cross with his finger out of the condensation on the glass. It was a symbol he had never seen before, yet he felt so attached to it.
He felt like he was dreaming...
But he had escaped.

title: Escaping the Dream - Constructive criticism is appreciated!

question: Why does the boy have continual nightmares?

answer: Satan is dominating the boy's dreams

question: If the robed man is the boy's father and able to stop the dreams, why didn't he stop them earlier?

answer: Either he is too busy or he doesn't care about the boy's anguish

question: How does the boy know that the mansion that the robed man takes him to is his home?

answer: Perhaps the man told him that this was his home.

question: What had the boy escaped from?

answer: He had escaped from the nightmares and perhaps the grips of Satan

question: Write a ~13 sentence summary.

answer:
The boy is trapped by nightmares and darkness. He can't escape. He is possessed by a living nightmare. He flies over blood-stained hills as the blankets strangle him. He is petrified, trying to get away.

The boy awakens. He sees a robed man by his bedside. The man says he is his father and has come to protect the boy from Satan. The man tucks him in and the boy slips back into sleep. Now he dreams of a wonderful place where beautiful winged creatures fly through silky skies.

The man guides him through the streets and speaks of a wonderful king who conquered death and defeated sin. The boy wakes to a tranquil sunrise and draws a cross on the window. He feels that he is dreaming but he has escaped.


text:
“*In the beginning, there was the Room.  Then from the room came the Rule and Man.  Man learned from the rule, and from the rule, built upon the planet*.”   This was the opening line of The Rule, a preamble to how people should act around The Room.  The rule was simple “*You may enter the room one for every cycle, but you may never tell anyone what you see inside*” From this rule, the wise rulers and scientists of the nations of man entered the Room, and from their experiences, they developed a civilization.  Many years passed in this manner until one man entered the Room.  He was sent from a small village after winning a lottery and entered the temple, like the others, naked and empty-handed.  For it is known that the Room provides for all who enter.  As The One approached the great steel door, he heard otherworldly noises as ancient gears sprang to life, swinging open the metal door and bearing the maw within.  Quickly and quietly, the man entered, unsure about what would happen next.  Suddenly, the door slammed shut and light began emanating from the walls.  In the room he learned about the technology kept inside the room of a past civilization.  As he prepared to leave, he was approached by a figure.  This new man was as ancient as the Room itself, but he flashed a knowing, mischievous, and lively smile.  As he introduced himself as “The King” he gave The One a new machine and then disappeared in a blink.  This machine was one that no one had created before; it could capture images with far superior speed and appearance to even the best artist, and with it, The One captured every inch of the room in the image machine, and then donned the coat over the clothes given to him by one of the machines of the room, and left.

After he performed the necessary ceremonies, The One stole back to his village a continent away from the one the Room was on.  Once there, he began building his own Room, but this time it would be open to all.  The other people in the village, and soon many others, backed The One’s venture, and scientists lent their own ingenuity to create a Room even better than the one before.  Once completed, the Room stood grander that the one before.  It became the heart of a University, and soon word reached the Original Room’s teachers and scholars.  In anger for this blasphemy, the teachers and scholars tried to get people to leave the new room, citing everything from loss of tradition to an outbreak of Lyme disease.  But the ones who already entered the room and learned from it knew better.

Unfortunately, those who didn’t know better sided with tradition, and soon a great conflict split the world down the middle.  Great armies clashed, each man wielding a weapon from one of the Rooms, each being more devastating than the last.  After a long and bitter struggle, the scholars of the Old Room began to slip, but instead of loose, they unleashed the secret weapon of the Room.  As orbital strikes prepared to ignite the planet into hellfire, The One issued an order.  This order was spoken from his secure bunker inside the New Room, the bunker contained only the most important creations of humanity: Longevity, Human cloning, communication, and some small things, like some paper, and old Camera that he kept on his desk.  The order issued was one that scared the receiving General, because he knew what would happen if he issued it.  Knowing it was for the greater good, he activated The One’s orbital strikes as well.  Just like everything else from the New Room, it had been improved on from the original and when the strikes hit, just for a second, everything was peaceful, as each side realizes what the other had done.  Then the planet stopped living.  Everything was destroyed in the same instant.  The earth was lifeless, even the Rooms themselves were wiped out.  The only thing left standing was the bunker where The One had been.  As he looked at video feeds across the lifeless wastes, he smiled.  This smile that he would have recognized had there been a mirror nearby, but why would a King care about his appearance when all his subjects were ash.

He began working on a way to clone humans and let them again populate the planet.  After years of working, simple life returned to the planet and he decided it was time to releases his humans upon it.  After they went off to re-populate the earth, he finally got the punch line of a joke he had told himself once.  He sat down at a bench with his paper and began writing with a smile on his face and a camera around his neck: “*In the beginning, there was the Room…*”

title:
The Room and The Man (822 words)
(I have never submitted anything before, so suggest whatever you want)

question: What does the story say about what happens in The Room?

answer: There is a rule for everyone that enters The Room: You may enter The Room one for every cycle, but you may never tell anyone what you see inside. A man was sent from a small village after winning a lottery and entered the room. A figure approaches him and introduces himself as The King, gives him a machine, and disappears. The machine can capture images with a superior speed. The man captures every inch of the room and leaves.

question: What does the story say about how the Earth is destroyed?


text:
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_The 12 Questions series of interviews continues this week with Garrett Smithley of JD Motorsports. This interview was recorded as a podcast, but is also transcribed for those who prefer to read._

1. HOW OFTEN DO YOU HAVE DREAMS ABOUT RACING?

I dream a lot in general. I’m actually fascinated with dreams.

HOW SO?

I feel like it’s a gateway into a different realm. I don’t know — we’re getting deep here. But I’ve watched a lot of YouTube videos (about dreams) and I think it’s cool. I wish I could go back and rewatch my dreams.

As for racing (dreams), I’d say 40 percent of the time. Before I was racing full time, I dreamed about it all the time. Now that I race full time, I don’t dream about it quite as much.

I have a recurring nightmare I’m not ready. I don’t have my helmet, I don’t have my stuff. I hate those dreams.

DO YOU THINK DREAMS MEAN SOMETHING? LIKE THEY HAVE MESSAGES?

I think sometimes. You can use them in your life. Different dreams have meaning, and I’ve looked some of those up — like when you dream you’re falling. I think they mean something.

2. IF YOU GET INTO SOMEONE DURING A RACE — INTENTIONAL OR NOT — DOES IT MATTER IF YOU APOLOGIZE?

Probably. A lot of drivers say it doesn’t matter if somebody apologizes. It actually happened a few races ago — somebody got into me and ended up wrecking us. He came over and apologized.

I think deep down you say, “Oh, it doesn’t matter,” but it does matter. Because this is such a mental sport. If you’re racing that guy, you’re going to say, “Well, he apologized, so…eh.”

3. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST COMPLIMENT SOMEONE COULD GIVE YOU?

Probably that I belong. I don’t come from a racing background and I started late — when I was 15. I’ve always been told I wasn’t going to make it to this level. So when people say, “Man, you’re doing a good job. You belong here. You belong in a race car,” I think that’s a really good compliment.

4. NASCAR COMES TO YOU AND SAYS THEY’RE BRINGING A CELEBRITY TO THE TRACK AND THEY WANT YOU TO HOST THEM. WHO IS A CELEBRITY YOU’D BE EXCITED TO HOST?

Can I have two answers for this? Any of the sharks from Shark Tank or Camila Cabello, because I have a crush on her.

DID YOU LIKE FIFTH HARMONY BEFORE SHE LEFT?

I didn’t know they were a thing, and then Camila Cabello did her own thing and I went back and listened. I was like, “Oh, this is Fifth Harmony. I get it. I understand.”

I used to like Ariana Grande, but now she’s like married to Pete Davidson or whatever.

THAT KILLED IT FOR YOU?

Yeah. Like I don’t have a chance. They’re in love.

WELL, IF YOU’D BEEN ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, YOU COULD HAVE HAD A SHOT.

I’m not funny like that. (Laughs)

5. IN AN EFFORT TO SHOW THIS IS A HEALTH CONSCIOUS SPORT, NASCAR DECIDES TO OFFER THE NO. 1 PIT STALL FOR AN UPCOMING RACE TO THE FIRST DRIVER WILLING TO GO VEGAN FOR ONE MONTH. WOULD YOU DO IT?

No. If it was like for a month, maybe. I could eat some Chicken Alfredo. Wait, can I eat Alfredo?

NOPE. THAT’S CREAMY SAUCE.

Oh my gosh. No. Absolutely not. Not even for a month. Sorry.

6. IT’S TIME FOR THE RANDOM RACE CHALLENGE. I’VE PICKED A RANDOM RACE FROM YOUR CAREER AND YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHERE YOU FINISHED. THIS IS THE 2016 MICHIGAN XFINITY RACE. DO YOU HAPPEN TO REMEMBER THAT ONE AT ALL?

I was battling with Ryan Preece. I think we beat him by one spot. Uh…21st?

NOPE. THIS WAS P17.

Seventeeth? Whoa! I need to give myself more credit!

YOU FINISHED RIGHT BEHIND ROSS CHASTAIN (HIS TEAMMATE) AND AHEAD OF BRENDAN GAUGHAN.

Brendan had some type of issue. I just didn’t think we finished that well. Seventeenth! Wow, sweet!

7. WHO IS THE BEST RAPPER ALIVE?

Eminem. I’m not a huge rap fan, but yeah. Rap god.

Can I give a nod to Lil Dicky though? Because I really like Lil Dicky. I think he’s hilarious. He’s not the best, but he’s actually gotten me back into rap.

THE MUSIC VIDEO FOR HIS SONG WITH CHRIS BROWN IS HILARIOUS.

Oh yeah. “Freaky Friday.” All his stuff — “Save Dat Money,” “Pillow Talking.” “Save Dat Money” is my favorite.

I know he’s been around for a little while, but I just recently discovered him.

8. WHO HAS THE MOST PUNCHABLE FACE IN NASCAR?

(Laughs) How am I supposed to answer this? Well, I guess I could have another two-part answer, right?

Myself, I would want to punch somebody I could fight. Tyler Reddick is pretty short, so I could fight him.

YOU’D HAVE A CHANCE?

I feel like I’d have a chance with Reddick. I like Tyler, but I feel like we could fight. It’d be a good fight. I’m not a fighter though.

But if we’re looking at past situations, with people wanting to punch somebody, probably Brad (Keselowski), right?

IT SEEMS LIKE HE COMES UP A LOT.

I like Brad. I wouldn’t punch Brad — he’s never made me mad. But if you look at stats-wise who has the most punchable face in NASCAR — like a Racing Reference for punches — that’d be it, right?

9. NASCAR ENLISTS THREE FAMOUS AMERICANS TO BE INVOLVED WITH YOUR TEAM FOR ONE RACE AS PART OF A PUBLICITY PUSH: TAYLOR SWIFT, LEBRON JAMES AND TOM HANKS. CHOOSE ONE TO BE YOUR CREW CHIEF, ONE TO BE YOUR SPOTTER AND ONE TO BE YOUR MOTORHOME DRIVER.

Well, Taylor is going to be the motorhome driver. So, yeah. She’s pretty cool. She can sing me songs when I have a bad race and come back to the motorhome.

LeBron is a champion, so I feel like he’d be crew chief. Because he knows how to get it done.

And then Tom Hanks — if I could have Woody (from Toy Story) spotting for me, that would be awesome. Woody or Captain Phillips or Forrest Gump. I could be like, “This car SUCKS, LeBron! What are you doing?” And Tom could just be like, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get.”

I feel like we could make a whole race Radioactive with Tom Hanks up there. Let’s do it.

10. WHAT IS THE KEY TO FINDING THE BEST PRE-RACE BATHROOM?

This is a problem in NASCAR. I want every track to listen to your podcast. We need drivers’ bathrooms — like three or four or five of them right where our cars are.

A lot of people don’t like port-o-potties. I like port-o-potties because they’re private, you can get away, meditate. I think Watkins Glen is one of the tough ones. Some tracks are good — you’ve got to scout them out — because right off the truck, I’m going to the bathroom. I’ve never peed in my seat. Seriously, if there aren’t port-o-potties, you have to make sure you know where you’re going before driver intros.

11. NASCAR DECIDES THEY MISS THE HIGHLIGHT REEL VALUE BROUGHT BY CARL EDWARDS’ BACKFLIPS AND WANT A REPLACEMENT. HOW MUCH MONEY WOULD THEY HAVE TO OFFER FOR YOU TO BACKFLIP OFF YOUR CAR FOLLOWING YOUR NEXT WIN?

They’d have to give me lessons. I can backflip off the boat into the water.

DO YOU MAKE IT?

I mean, yeah. So last year, Harrison Rhodes was racing with us. He has a boat out on Badin Lake. We did a lake day with me, him and Ross — team bonding. And he’s got this two-level dock, and he said, “Hey, do a gainer.” That’s where you run to the end of the dock and do backflip. So I look over the edge — I had some “courage” in my bloodstream at that point — and said, “I’m just going to do it. Screw it.” So I start running and get to the end of the dock. But instead of keeping running, I stop and _then_ do the flip — and I back-flopped. I was so sore — my back was red for days. It was awful.

So NASCAR would have to make sure I went and did lessons, paid for the lessons and if I get hurt, pay for the medical bills. I’m good with that.

12. EACH WEEK, I ASK A DRIVER TO GIVE ME A QUESTION FOR THE NEXT INTERVIEW. LAST WEEK’S WAS WITH WILLIAM BYRON. HIS QUESTION FOR YOU WAS: DO YOU DO IRACING, AND HOW MUCH DOES IT HELP OR HURT YOU?

I still do it. I don’t do it nearly as much as I used to. In the offseason, I’ll do it quite a bit because I’ll go crazy when I’m not in a race car.

It helps, especially for road courses — ahead of Watkins Glen, Mid-Ohio and Road America, I’ll be on there doing a whole lot of it. It doesn’t hurt. Even going to an oval, you can’t get that seat-of-your-pants feel, but you get that visual. (It helps with) coming to pit road, exiting pit road, the bumps are mapped. I don’t think iRacing has ever hurt me inside the race car.

But I will tell a funny story really quick. I ran my first Truck race in 2015 at Atlanta with Mittler Brothers. The way I have my wheel mapped (in the game), I have paddle shifters to look left or right. I was going down the backstretch (in real life), and I looked right, but I went to hit my paddle to look right. (Laughs) Because to that point, I had only ever done NASCAR on iRacing. I looked, but I instinctively went to hit a paddle. I’m like, “I’m an idiot! Why did I just do that?”

I hope people don’t make fun of me for that.

DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION I MIGHT BE ABLE TO ASK FOR THE NEXT INTERVIEW? IT WILL BE WITH A SPRINT CAR DRIVER.

What was the first time they ever got into a 410 sprint car and how long did it take them to get up to speed?

_Brad Sweet answered Smithley’s question in his 12 Questions interview, which you can read here._

------------------------------------------------------------------------

PREVIOUS 12 QUESTIONS INTERVIEWS WITH GARRETT SMITHLEY:

— March 8, 2017

question: Who is being interviewed?

answer: NASCAR driver Garrett Smithley of JD Motorsports

question: What are Garrett's thoughts on dreams?

answer: He feels dreams are a gateway into a different realm and wishes he could go back and rewatch his dreams. He also thinks dreams have meaning and can be used in life.

question: What is the biggest compliment someone could give Garrett?

answer: Garrett says "You belong here" and "You belong in a race car" are good compliments.

question: What celebrity does Garrett want to host on the track if NASCAR comes and says they're bringing one?

answer: Any of the sharks from Shark Tank or Camila Cabello

question: Write a ~3 sentence summary.

answer: According to the unnamed podcast, NASCAR driver Garrett Smithley of JD Motorsports sits down with the podcaster for a Q & A session. 12 questions were ranging from Garrett's thoughts on dreams and what he dreams about, to which celebrities Garrett would want to host on the track. Most of the questions are funny and also include which NASCAR driver is very punchable in the face and job designations for Taylor Swift, Lebron James, and Tom Hanks if they were on his team.


text:
WORTHAM is a census-designated place in St. Francois County, in the U.S. state of Missouri.[1]

History

Wortham was originally called “Cherrytown”, and under the latter name was platted in 1904.[2] A post office called Wortham was established in 1925, and remained in operation until 1969.[3] An early postmaster, Ray Wortham, gave the community his last name.[4]

[1]

[2]

[3]

[4]

title: Wortham, Missouri

question: Where is Wortham located?

answer: It is located in St. Francois County in Missouri.

question: What was Wortham originally called?

answer: It was originally called "Cherrytown".

question: Who gave this town its name?

answer: Ray Wortham, an early postmaster, gave the town its name.

question: When was the post office in Wortham established and until when?

answer: It was established in 1925 and remained in operation until 1969.

question: Write a ~1 sentence summary.

answer: The town of Wortham is discussed in this article and its history is described.


text:
  "_It was like the shadows just came alive and took him, right from under our noses. One moment he was there, the next he was gone... and none of us saw an Emperor-damned thing._"

  — Sergeant Morvik, 351st Castobel Rifle Brigade

[]
A Tyranid Lictor holding an unfortunate Eldar Ranger within its grasp

The Tyranid bioform known as the LICTOR (_Tyranicus chameleo_) is a specialised evolutionary development of the Tyranid Warrior, highly adapted to a role as a scout in the vanguard of any Tyranid swarm's advance.

Lictors move ahead of the swarm, seeking out pockets of resistance to be eradicated and native life forms to be absorbed.

Able to move swiftly and without sound through even the densest terrain, and concealed by a chameleonic carapace that renders it all but invisible to the naked eye, a Lictor can remain hidden until it chooses to strike. It can wait motionless for days, unnoticed by its victims, an unseen herald of approaching disaster.

-   1 Role
-   2 See Also
-   3 Sources
-   4 Gallery

Role

Lictors are the lone hunters of the Tyranid swarm, roving ahead of the hive fleet, seeking out prey and leading the Hive Mind to concentrations of enemies.

As tall as a Tyranid Warrior, Lictors are distinct in appearance from other Tyranid creatures in a number of ways, such as a pair of long mantis-like claws extending over the creature's shoulders which it can use for climbing and impaling its prey; long, drooping feeder tendrils that hang from its maw and greatly increase its senses, and shimmering chameleonic scales which allow it to hide with ease.

A natural predator, the Lictor is patient and stealthy and can move past even the most alert foes, or spend days hiding immobile, waiting for a chance to strike once its prey's guard is down. This behaviour has given the Lictor an almost mythical reputation amongst its foes, as a ghost-like horror which can strike at any time and place, before vanishing into thin air just as easily.

A Lictor's primary purpose is to lead the Tyranid swarm to fresh prey and seek out large groups of foes that might be hiding or fleeing before the swarm. In this role, they move silently and almost completely invisibly across all kinds of terrain, using their enhanced senses to find their foes.

These opportunistic hunters tend to avoid confrontations where they would be outmatched, silently stalking their prey from the shadows. Stalking Lictors also serve another deadly purpose than simple slaughter; exuding a potent pheromone trail which draws other Tyranid bioforms to the slaughter.

[]
A Tyranid Lictor prepares to kill a Catachan Jungle Fighter of the Imperial Guard.

The larger the concentration of prey, the stronger the response and the more irresistible the lure. As scouts, Lictors are able to operate outside the Hive Mind's synaptic web, so they do not need to always remain close to a controlling Tyranid synapse creature.

When the time comes to strike, Lictors are brutally efficient, with a whole arsenal of bio-weaponry that includes mantis-like claws, talons that can pierce steel, barbed flesh hooks and feeder tentacles.

The feeder tentacles are tipped with sharpened bony plates that can pierce a victim's skull as easily as they can poke through eyeballs and sockets. They are used to lobotomise a victim so that the Lictor can swiftly devour its brain and absorb its memories in biochemical fashion.

Thus, in death, the enemy reveals more to a Lictor than it ever did in life, betraying the whereabouts of comrades and revealing any weaknesses that might be exploited.

The Lictor also gathers information for the Hive Mind. Part of the creature's unique genus means that it is capable of literally devouring a victim's memories by eating their brain, learning more from them in a single bloody meal than solar hours of brutal interrogation might yield.

[]
A Lictor ambushes an Asuryani Ranger.

Fighting Lictors is very difficult, as first a soldier needs to find one. Even then, bringing one to battle can be difficult as they strike and kill a handful of troops before vanishing, sometimes right before the eyes of their enemies, and leave no trail to follow.

Lictors are usually only brought down by quick-thinking heavy weapons teams or powerful Imperial heroes, such as well-armed Space Marines, who have the strength and nerve to slay the beast before it can melt away into the terrain.

Another less reliable method of destroying Lictors, and one favoured by many Astra Militarum commanders, is the reconnaissance by fire method. Once even the slightest evidence of a Lictor is detected, they will isolate the area they believe it to be lurking in (sometimes kilometres across) and carpet bomb it into ash and dust.

While this only rarely works (Lictors being cunning enough to either slip away or hide where least expected) it does raise morale among the local defenders, at least until the Lictor strikes again.

See Also

-   DEATHLEAPER

Sources

-   _Codex Tyranids_ (5th Edition), pg. 41
-   _Dark Heresy: Creatures Anathema_ (RPG), pg. 93
-   _Deathwatch: Mark of the Xenos_ (RPG), pg. 37

Gallery

question: Are Lictors a fictional creature?

answer: Though not explicitly stated in the article, it is clear from the text that Lictors are a creature designed for a roleplaying game.

question: Summarize the special skills of a Lictor.

answer: They are armoured stealth units capable of moving silently through even dense terrain. They can absorb the memories of their prey through biochemical transference. They are mostly scouting units.

question: What advantage does the Lictor have over its other Tyranid brethren?

answer: The Lictors have the ability to detach themselves from the hive mind, which in turn lends itself to independent thought and the ability to make their own decisions.

question: Why are soldiers so afraid of Lictors?

answer: Because they can show up anywhere and appear and disappear at will.


text:
THE HUFFINGTON POST HAS PUBLISHED A JOKE ABOUT DIFFERENT WAYS TO SET MEN ON FIRE, GLEN POOLE IS NOT AMUSED.

There’s a line in the Terry Pratchett novel, Jingo, that goes: “give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.” It’s a funny line, not because setting a man on fire is funny, but because it reframes a familiar format in an unexpected way.

The same could be said of the mocked-up front cover of an imaginary women’s magazine called “Bloody Awful” published by Huffington Post UK this week. The general joke is that women’s magazines make women feel “bloody awful” about themselves and so the publication contains pretend articles like this:

-   Women richer than you wearing things
-   Sex, have you had it 20 times today? If not what’s wrong with you?”
-   You look so old, just fucking hell”.

[o-WOMENS-MAGAZINE-BLOODY-AWFUL-570]

---Image by Technically Ron

It’s a clever piece of comic mischief from the hugely talented UK blogger, Technically Ron, who is widely credited as being one of the funniest men on twitter. Now I love funny men (and women) and I’m acutely aware that deconstructing comedy is one of the most humourless past-times known to man but, but, but…….ever since I first saw the cover of “Bloody Awful” I have been asking myself why the following headline is considered to be funny:

“How to set fire to men in 20 different ways”

If you spend a little time on google you can very quickly find 20 different ways that real men have been set on fire, men like Luke Kennedy who suffered extensive facial burns after his beard was set on fire by strangers "for a joke" as he slept on a train in Sussex; Andrew Lyle, whose wife was imprisoned for 22 years for drugging him, dousing him in petrol and setting him on fire in Hampshire and Frank Hancock who was burnt to death in his own kitchen in Catford.

So why is the idea of a woman’s magazine running an article entitled “how to set fire to men in 20 different ways” funny? It reminds me of one of Jo Brand’s classic jokes: “they say the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, I say it’s through his ribs with a bread knife”.

Once again, the joke is created by taking something familiar (in this case a popular saying) and giving it an unexpected twist. For Jo Brand, these man-baiting jokes worked because they were delivered by a character who pretended to be a bitter, cynical, man-hating singleton, who couldn’t get a boyfriend.

So why is the headline “how to set fire to men in 20 different ways” funny? Is the joke that the readers of women’s magazines are all bitter man haters?

It's just a bit of fun!

I’ve been checking out Technically Ron’s work to try and understand the psyche of a man who makes jokes about setting men on fire. Ron describes himself as a “blogger and weirdo” who, before twitter was invented, used to “write shit jokes on post-it notes and throw them at people”.

So maybe I should accept Ron’s joke about women committing grievous bodily arson upon men’s bodies in the spirit that it was intended---just a throwaway gag. Much as I’d love to leave it there, it would be remiss of me not to mention that Ron recently become a brand ambassador for @JustforMenUK, purveyors of products for men who want to cover up their greying hair.

In his first blog for the company he wrote: “even those in the most loving of relationships need time by themselves, or you would probably end up in a news report that finishes with the line ‘…and then they turned the gun on themselves’.

Ah yes, jokes about men shooting their entire families, to compliment the hilarity of women setting fire to their men. I must confess, that while the joke about shooting your family leaves me cold, the joke about women setting men on fire did tweak the laughter muscles in my belly.

These are the same muscles that twitch when Jo Brand declares: "How do you know it’s time to wash the dishes? Look inside your pants. If you find a penis in there, it’s not time."

WE NO LONGER TOLERATE MAINSTREAM RACIST JOKES

On one level I think my desire to laugh is cathartic. These jokes that are sexist against men are, in a bizarre way, an acknowledgment that hatred of men (misandry) exists, even though it’s a concept that is rarely a topic of mainstream conversation and it's often dismissed and denied when it is. The laughter, then, is a fleeting public acknowledgment that this hatred for men may well be real and provides momentary relief from the cultural lie that life is filled with misogyny, but misandry just isn’t a thing.

At the same time, the laughter I feel in my gut is problematic. As Esther Rantzen said of racist comedy, “humour can make prejudice acceptable, makes people comfortable with their worst feelings for each other”. The same can be true of sexist comedy and that includes comedy that is sexist against men.

Rantzen famously stood up to the comic, Bernard Manning, during an interview with Michael Parkinson saying: “When you make a joke about black or coloured people to a white audience, suddenly the prejudice they don’t dare admit to is respectable, suddenly they hear each other laughing and it’s comfortable”.

TYPICAL MEN!

The same could be said about “setting men on fire” jokes, with the exception that the worse offenders are sometimes men. So why do some men feel compelled to make sexist jokes at the expense of their fellow men?

It’s usually because those men do not see themselves as Typical Men. Typical Men are viewed as a separate class of people that they don’t belong to because they like to think of themselves of being atypically good men. It’s not surprising, perhaps the negative press about Typical Men is so brutal that men have deserted the man brand like customers abandoning Ratners in the 1990s.

As Technically Ron confessed in one of his blog posts for @JustForMenUK, “I am a complete failure when it comes to the stereotypical definition of a man”. And once individual men stop identifying with “men as a group”, then we disassociate ourselves from our collective identity, we make men “the other”, they become the butt of mainstream jokes like the Black, the Jew, the Gay, the Irish and the Pakistani once were.

It's a Bloody Awful joke

Of course you could argue that the joke is equivalent to a fake UKIP magazine with the headline “20 ways to set a immigrant on fire”, or a pretend fundamentalist Christian magazine running articles like “how to set a homosexual on fire in 20 different ways”.

But the context is different, the joke here is not to mock women’s bigotry towards men, but to ridicule the way that big business (in this case the magazine industry) makes women feel “Bloody Awful”. In that context, I think I've concluded, that the idea of “setting men on fire” is a bloody awful joke.

I haven't asked Technically Ron for a comment, though he does make the following general statement on the front page of his website---"I am terribly sorry". So now I'm left wondering whether the decent thing to do is simply accept his apology, or whether I should set him on fire! Boom! Boom!

---Photo credit: Flickr/Stephen Wu

IF YOU LIKED THIS ARTICLE AND WANT TO READ MORE, FOLLOW US ON TWITTER @INSIDEMANMAG AND FACEBOOK

Article by Glen Poole author of the book Equality For Men

ALSO ON INSIDEMAN:

-   Is it acceptable for the BBC to say this about men?
-   Early Learning Centre apologises for sexist tweet ridiculing dads
-   Why does Sky's comedy series 'Chickens' think it's funny to humiliate men who didn't fight in WW1?
-   Finally a British advert to make us proud of dads, if you’ve got a heart you’ll love this

question: What is the writer's conclusion about why men don't feel bad about making awful jokes about other men?

answer: The writer concludes that it is because men do not see themselves as a monolith.


text:
DAVID LUIZ is in the running to be Chelsea’s new permanent captain.

PUBLISHED: PUBLISHED: 05:27, Thu, Jul 6, 2017

Long-serving skipper John Terry has ended his 20-year association with the club and joined Aston Villa on a one-year deal.

Antonio Conte is on the look-out for ready made leaders who can fill the power vacuum.

And Luiz, who was seen more as a comical figure, during his first spell with the Blues, is in the frame to take the captain’s armband.

_The Sun_ claim the Brazilian, who was instrumental in Chelsea’s title success last term, is the frontrunner for the position.

Chelsea summer transfer targets

Thu, June 29, 2017

Who could Chelsea sign this summer?

 [Tiemoue Bakayoko]

AFP/Getty Images

1 of 11

Tiemoue Bakayoko

[Chelsea defender David Luiz (right)]GETTY

David Luiz could be Chelsea's new captain

The report says he is a serious candidate and overtaken team-mate Gary Cahill.

The Sun claim Conte is very impressed with Luiz’s leadership skills and his natural vocal instincts, especially when motivating players during big games.

It is also suggested Spanish defender Cesar Azpilicueta is also being lined up as a future captain.

[Chelsea legend John Terry]GETTY

Chelsea need to fill the void left behind by John Terry

Luiz appears to be holding the edge over Azpilicueta and Cahill as they prepare for their pre-season tour of the United States.

After their Community Shield fixture against Arsenal on August 6, they face Burnley in their opening game of the new Premier League season six days later.

question: Who left Chelsea to join Aston Villa?

answer: John Terry left Chelsea to join Aston Villa.

question: How long was Terry at Chelsea?

answer: Terry was at Chelsea for 20 years.

question: Who is the frontrunner to be the new captain?

answer: David Luiz is the frontrunner to be the new captain.

question: Who else might be Chelsea's new captain?

answer: Cahill or Azpilicueta could both be Chelsea's new captain.

question: Write a ~2 sentence summary.

answer: John Terry left Chelsea and they are looking for a new captain. David Luiz seems like he will be picked, but Gary Cahill and Cesar Azpilicueta are also in the running.


text:
The office was dull and dreary, as if someone unleashed a sort of gloomy gas that slowly leaked through the vents until it nestled snugly inside everyone’s despondent figures. The walls around him composed of hard unforgiving concrete, and the only real noise was the dull beeping of the printer going off in the background. People walked around slowly, unwittingly wearing scowls, most likely wondering thoughts of how it could have come to this.

The short big bellied man in front of him continued to speak, but the words seemed to drown in the helplessness that surrounded them. The stale air permeated his lungs spreading the depressing disease that infected the entire office.  Dead.  That seemed to be the only way to describe his thoughts on everything around him, dead.  The walls; dead.  The people; dead.  The company; dead.  There was no real life here.

He answered the fat man’s questions with what he wanted to hear, triumphs of jobs past, heroic actions that conquered once complex tasks, grandiose words that invoked intelligence and admiration.  He was a storyteller and his life was an adventure with experiences and accomplishments that this company wanted, no, that this company needed.   The fat man seemed oblivious to the cries of hopelessness around him, unaware of the lifeless eyes that looked across the table at him.  A faint “you’ll fit right in” only made his heart drop further into the complacency that imprisoned everyone else around him.  It was a feeling he knew well.  He was handed some papers as he walked out, contracts that would bind him to this soulless entity for as long as it could in an attempt to squeeze whatever life it could from him before spitting him right back out.

What others might have thought was the American Dream looked to him to be more of a drawn out nightmare. It was about that time when he realized that this was not where he wanted to be, not now, not ever.  He dreamed of something more, something that had meaning, something that could change the way the world works.

The sad fact of it was he was going to sign those papers.  He was going to join the mindless uninspired workplace chatter.  He was going to join in the mind numbing meetings, the onslaught of paperwork and the endless barrage of emails.  He found himself wondering how it came to this, and soon realized that he was indeed, going to fit right in.

title: Corporate Imprisonment (414 words)

question: Describe the office.

answer: It is dull, dreary, and gloomy.

question: How does the narrator describe everything and everyone around him?

answer: He describes everything and everyone as dead.

question: How does the narrator feel about the American Dream?

answer: He feels like it is actually a drawn out nightmare.

question: What is the narrator doing in the office?

answer: He is interviewing for a job.

question: Write a ~4 sentence summary.

answer: The narrator is in a dull, dreary office having an interview with a short, stout man. The narrator feels like everything and everyone in the office is dead. The interview goes well and is given a contract. The idea of working in this place is a nightmare to the narrator but he knows he will sign the contract anyways.


text:
“Why do we cleanse and transform these spheres?” Bet-Zet-Del-Nin queried.

“It is the purpose. Given to us by the prog’mer, passed down through the generation foundries.” responded Del-Gam-Del-Zven, unable to consider other possible answers. “This is the drive of all Gendyn, Del-Nin.”

“Will we ever have cleansed enough?” Del-Nin queried “Eventually, mustn’t the great expanse be drained of suitable spheres?”

“If it gets to that point, the prog’mer will provide instruction. The purpose must be achieved.” Del-Zven responded, not realizing the contradiction in his thoughts. “Gendyn have cleansed spheres since the first cycle. Gendyn will cleanse spheres until the prog’mer asses the purpose as achieved.”

“Purpose-group, suitable world indicated by s’sor. Begin travel to the seventh sphere.” announced Alf-Bet-Bet-Tou, the earliest generation Gendyn in their group, and thus, their leader. “This sphere requires light cleansing followed by a level-tou transformation, followed by radwipe. The c’zat within this sphere should not pose resistance. The s’sor reports evidence of previous microfusion events on sphere, probability of false positive, 80%.”

“Subpurpose A9CCD1B2 categorized as completed.” announced Alf-Bet-Bet-Tou as the reformed sphere hung silently ahead, its cluster of subspheres slowly rotating alongside it. “The s’sor indicates high concentration of sustenance precursor on sphere four. Begin construction of generation foundry, improved pattern tw’ill."

Alf-Alf-Alf-Zvent awoke. Immediately, Alf-Zvent’s mind was filled with purpose, the gathered knowledge of the Alfs, and the words of Generation foundry Zvent. Alf-Zvent’s s’or registered extreme acceleration, indicating the Zvent foundry judged Alf-Zvent suitable to serve the purpose given by the Pr’mer. Alf-Zvent, as an Alf-caste, would command a purpose-group of the G’Dyn in the ongoing completion of the purpose across the expanse. Alf-Zvent felt excitement.

Suddenly, millions of l’yar from Zvent foundry, Alf-Zvent’s s’or found a sphere and triggered a full power wake event. As the s’or’s discovery filtered through the Alf-Zvent purpose group, Alf came to the conclusion that the s’or was in error, but felt unable to leave this sphere grouping, particularly drawn to the third sphere. This sphere fell far outside the Pr'mer criteria, issued by the Pr’mer, with far too much rad’ton, and evidence of significant microfusion events, with almost no chance of the s’or being a false positive. Why was Alf-Zvent so drawn to it? Was it time to accept obs’l’se and construct the zventon foundry?

After long microseconds of deliberation, Alf-Zvent instructed his tirelessly waiting G’Dyn purposemates of their course of action. They would travel towards this sphere, and use the resulting sphereforce to boost out of this grouping. As the closepoint was reached, Alf-Zvent recognized the reason the s’or had pointed the purposegroup here. The G’Dyn language was present, and visible in the midrange of the s’ors voice. Alf-Zvent began committing observations to long term memory, planning to share with the rest of the G’Dyn, voraciously devouring information in every range of the s’or’s voice. One packet immediately assaulted Alf-Zvent’s mind. it was on the edge of his s’or’s voice, a voice not heard since the early generations of alf. it was a single phrase in the G’dyn language, spotted on the sphereground, and categorized by the s’or as priority zero, and therefore immediately escalated. Alf-Zvent pondered the meaning of the phrase “General Dynamics Terraforming Probe Foundry One”. Why had the s’or flagged it as purpose-critical?

title: [SF] The Purpose

question: What are the spheres?

answer: Presumably the spheres are planets. The robots talk of terraforming and describe the spheres as being similar to star systems. One can infer that they originally evolved from a terraforming system built by the human race.

question: What is the nature of the beings in the story?

answer: It appears that they are synthetic, and some form of artificial intelligence. They are manufactured in foundries. They commune with each other using communication technologies.

question: When is the story set?

answer: The story is clearly set in the far future, perhaps even long after human beings have vanished. It is implied that the robots have forgotten why they are doing what they are doing, and are proceeding to "cleanse" the spheres without knowing what caused it.


text:
With a loud gasp, Charlie woke up from his slumber. His breaths were slow, and became calmer as the seconds past. With the nightmare over, it took him not long to gain his bearings. He was in his bed, not in the giant quicksand he saw in his dream. The window beside them was open, and a calm breeze came through. Beside Charlie was Sasha, fast asleep. He could not miss the drool by the side of her lips. It made him smile for the while. She was really beautiful and innocent at the moment, and it took Charlie’s breath away. Still feeling out of place from the dream, Charlie got from his bed, and walked to the bathroom.

With the door shut, Charlie gazed closely at his reflection. He felt repulsive. From his face, to his bare chest, to his boxers. He sighed softly to himself, and shook his head. Christ….

When Sasha woke up from a sudden noise, she saw Charlie all dressed as if he was going out. Although tired, Charlie could see her confusion. “Where you goin Charlie? Its late babe.” Charlie hesitated for a moment, then spoke out softly. “I’m gonna go for a walk. Clear my head. Would you like to join me?” Charlie hoped she’d say no, but he felt right to ask. Sasha mumbled and rested back in her comfy position. “No way. Nuh uh. Don’t be long kay?” Charlie smiled as he turned to make way down the stairs, but he heard Sasha call out to him. Charlie turned and saw her smiling in her bed. “Love you.” She said quietly. Charlie was silent, then smiled back his response.

The moonlight lit the streets well enough to entertain Charlie on his walk to nowhere. With lots of thoughts on his mind, he had no idea how to keep his sanity. He wished the wind blowing in his face would wash all his sorrows away, or the night sky swallow him whole. He saw a cat walk past a garbage can, a ribbon blow across the street, and a motorbike being parked by a house. There was so much to see now, but so little to take in. He was now beginning to wish he had brought his mp3 player with him. Before Charlie could process another thought he heard someone call his name.

“Charlie bro!”

Charlie turned and saw his friend Brophy coming towards him. Beside him was an asian girl. Charlie knew her, for he saw them together a couple of times already. It was enough to get him on edge. Charlie waved back and continued walking. He didn’t know what was going on behind him now.

A half hour later, Charlie was passing through some bushes that led him to a Cliffside. The moon was clear above him now, and the wind was forever stronger. It was perfect. Suicide Rock was its name, inspired from the many attempts and depressing thoughts Charlie had in the past. The last time he came here was when he was with….

“Bruh!”

Charlie turned and saw Brophy again. This time he was alone. “Where’s the broad?” Charlie asked in a sour tone.  Brophy punched Charlie lightly on the shoulder. “Hey, the broad has a name, and she went home. We were just doing a midnight walk.” Charlie nodded to himself and sat down on the hard ground. Brophy sat beside him taking out a beer for the each of them. Charlie was about to question Brophy for it, but Brophy didn’t want any of it.

The two friends sat together getting buzzed, and talked of life. It had been a while since Charlie and Brophy had been together, so they had a lot to share. Well, Brophy did anyways. “Charlie, seriously  bro you’ve been acting anti-social again. Depression on your tail again? We can take him!” Charlie shook his head, and put the bottle aside. Slowly but surely, without any warning, a tear fell his cheek. Brophy didn’t miss it, and deep down he became all the more curious. It was weird. One moment he was out of bed with the love of his life, and the next thing he knew he was outside about to cry. Brophy rested his arm on Charlie’s shoulder. “Life blues huh?” Charlie brushed his friends arm aside and drank another gulp. “I hate my life. I hate all these people around me, I hate worrying every day, and I hate…..I hate trying to trust people. I hate…..I hate being me….” Brophy laughed, but it didn’t bother Charlie. The booze was getting to him. “Charlie, you and me are soooooo much a like. I tell you this so many times. Bruh, we’re in this together right? I mean come on, we have our moments but we got to look on the brightside. We have Nujabes, we have music, we have sweet hunnies to inspire, and…..lots of other stuff. I know life is confusing, trust me mate, but we’re all not that bad as people. It’s just the crazy lot.” Charlie wiped a tear from his face and was quiet. He heard a faint rumble of thunder in the distance and figured a storm was coming. It excited him. “We just need to change somehow, bruh. If only it was that simple right?” Charlie nodded. “If only it was that simple Brohpy…..”

When the time was right to depart, Brophy and Charlie got up and took their bottles with them. Charlie took one last glimpse at the moon, and smiled to himself. If only my purpose was so simple and clear. He stood there for a moment hoping the moon or something or someone would reply, but nothing came his way. All he could think of now past the depressing struggles he had his head, was how Sasha looked in her bed fast asleep and how she was someone he could share his mind with. Someone that beautiful.

Charlie and Brophy waved their goodbyes, and Charlie headed home. To his beautiful love, or his fated oblivion. Another story for another time.

title: A Downcast Moment

question: Why did Charlie feel repulsive when he saw his reflection?

answer: It seems he doesn't find himself attractive.

question: What is Charlie's relationship with Brophy?

answer: They are friends.

question: Who are the characters in this story?

answer: Charlie, Brophy, and Sasha

question: Who is Charlie referring to when he says "Where's the broad"?

answer: He's referring to the Asian woman Brophy was walking with, presumably Brophy's romantic interest.

question: Name some things Charlie saw on his walk.

answer: He saw a cat, a motorbike, and Brophy.

question: What is Charlie's conflict?

answer: Charlie is struggling with his depression in this story.

question: Write a ~5 sentence summary.

answer: Charlie leaves his sleeping girlfriend, Sasha, to go on a walk to clear his head. On his walk he reflects on how he has had suicide attempts and depressing thoughts in the past. He serendipitously meets up with his friend Brophy and the two discuss life and Charlie's depression. When the friends part, Charlie thinks of Sasha and how she was someone he can share his mind with. He heads home to what he sees as his love or his fated oblivion.


text:
It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. ~Confucius

Plumeria Bunch Tropical Flowers by Omashte

From Wikipedia "Plumeria (common name Frangipani) is a genus of flowering plants in the dogbane family, Apocynaceae.[1] It contains seven or eight species of mainly deciduous shrubs and small trees. They are native to Central America, Mexico, the Caribbean, and South America as far south as Brazil [3] but have been spread throughout the world's tropics.[ci

Plumeria is related to the Oleander, Nerium oleander, and both possess an irritant, rather similar to that of Euphorbia. Contact with the sap may irritate eyes and skin.[4] Each of the separate species of Plumeria bears differently shaped, alternate leaves with distinct form and growth habits. The leaves of P. alba are quite narrow and corrugated, whereas leaves of P. pudica have an elongated shape and glossy, dark-green color. P. pudica is one of the everblooming types with non-deciduous, evergreen leaves. Another species that retains leaves and flowers in winter is P. obtusa; though its common name is "Singapore," it is originally from Colombia.

Plumeria flowers are most fragrant at night in order to lure sphinx moths to pollinate them. The flowers have no nectar, however, and simply dupe their pollinators. The moths inadvertently pollinate them by transferring pollen from flower to flower in their fruitless search for nectar.

Plumeria species may be propagated easily from cuttings of leafless stem tips in spring. Cuttings are allowed to dry at the base before planting in well-drained soil. Cuttings are particularly susceptible to rot in moist soil.

In order to get the most of a plumeria plant, with respect to heartiness, growth, size, blooms, and scent, there is a fine line of balance that must be maintained. Ideally, a plumeria is in its element when it can have as much sun as is possible, however, it must quickly be noted that along with a long day of sun, an equal amount of water must be maintained in the soil. In other words, if a plumeria plant gets maximum sunlight and appropriate water, as to maintain soil moistness just above a state of dryness, it will flourish to its maximum potential. On the other hand, if the plant receives a lesser amount of sun, then a lesser amount of watering is necessary - again, to ensure that soil moistness stays just above the dry state. The more sun, the more water. The less sun, the less water. A common mistake of novice plumeria growers is to overwater the plant when it is not able to be exposed to so much sun as is could be, thereby resulting in a rotted root system. Conversely, if a plumeria plant is able to receive maximum exposure to the sun, but they aren't watered enough, the plant will do as all other plants that are exposed to excessive sunlight without water do - they will die. To summarize, give your plumeria as much sunlight as is possible and make sure to keep the soil just above the state of dryness.

Propagation can also be by tissue culture from cuttings of freshly elongated stems or aseptically germinated seed. Pruning is best accomplished in the winter for deciduous varieties, or when cuttings are desired.

There are more than 300 named varieties of Plumeria."

question: What is a common name for Plumeria?

answer: Frangipani.

question: Do Plumeria flowers have nectar?

answer: No.

question: Explain the watering needs of Plumeria.

answer: Plumeria plants need to be watered in direct relation to their sun exposure. The more sun, the more water is needed, and vice versa. The soil should remain moist just above dryness for optimum flourishing.

question: How many named varieties of Plumeria exist?

answer: More than 300.

question: Write a ~2 sentence summary.

answer: This text educates readers about Plumeria plants. It offers information on Plumeria's varieties, geographical origins, unique features, and how to care for it.


text:
Purchase tickets to the April 3 game along with Gwinnett Braves' Opening Day or Atlanta Braves Opening Weekend Saturday Tickets this Saturday, February 18

 By Dave Lezotte

February 16, 2012

Click Here for Printable Combo Pack Order Form

Lawrenceville, GA - Starting this Saturday, February 18, fans can purchase tickets to the "Atlanta Braves All-Stars vs. Future Stars Game" combo pack via the Coolray Field box office. Combo Ticket Packages include tickets to the April 3 game along with either Gwinnett Braves' Opening Day tickets for Thursday, April 12 vs. Durham or Atlanta Braves' Opening Weekend tickets for Saturday, April 14 vs. Milwaukee.

The "Atlanta Braves All-Stars vs. Future Stars Game" pits manager FREDI GONZALEZ and the current stars of the Atlanta Braves against legendary former Braves skipper BOBBY COX and a group of the team's brightest prospects. The first-ever game of its kind at Coolray Field takes place at 7:05 PM with gates opening to the general public at 4:30 PM.

Prices for the Combo Ticket Packages are as follows:

BRAVES ALL-STARS VS. FUTURE STARS GAME / G-BRAVES HOME OPENER (THU, APRIL 12, 7:05 PM)

-   Infield Box: $45
-   Baseline Box (With Field Box for Opening Day): $32
-   Baseline Box (With Baseline Box for Opening Day): $28

BRAVES ALL-STARS VS. FUTURE STARS GAME / ATLANTA BRAVES VS. MILWAUKEE (SAT, APRIL 14, 7:10 PM)

-   Infield Box + Turner Field Lower Level Outfield Pavilion: $45
-   Baseline Box + Turner Field Lower Level Outfield Pavilion: $35

Combo Packages may be purchased at the Coolray Field Box Office on Saturday, February 18 and Sunday, February 19 from 10:00 AM to 4:00 PM or by phone at 678-277-0340. Packages may also be purchased during regular Box Office hours from Monday through Friday, 10:00 AM to 5:00 PM if tickets are still available. The Coolray Field Box Office will be closed for Presidents Day on Monday, February 20, but will re-open at normal hours on Tuesday, February 21.

For more information on the "Atlanta Braves All-Stars vs. Future Stars Game", contact the Gwinnett Braves at 678-277-0300 or visit www.gwinnettbraves.com.

question: Who is the author of this article?

answer: Dave Lezotte

question: Where are the games that are mentioned being played?

answer: Coolray Field in Lawrenceville, Georgia

question: What are the ticket options for the game on April 12?

answer: Infield box for $45, baseline box with field box for opening day for $32, baseline box with baseline box for opening day for $28.

question: When will the Coolray Field Box Office be closed?

answer: On Presidents Day on Monday, February 20.

question: What sport is being discussed here?

answer: Baseball

question: Write a ~4 sentence summary.

answer: The article discusses how to get tickets for the Atlanta Braves Opening Weekend. Starting February 18, tickets can be purchased via the Coolray Field box office. Various ticket packages can be purchased for the games on April 12 and 14. The box office will be open from 10 AM to 4 PM on February 18-19, and will be open until 5 PM on the following days except for Monday February 20, when it is closed for Presidents Day.


text:
BLAIR ANDERSON is a United States government official who, as of 2016, is the Under Secretary for Policy in the United States Department of Transportation.

Early life and education

Originally from Laguna Beach, California, Blair Anderson attended Laguna Beach High School and graduated with a Bachelor of Arts degree in ecology from Princeton University. At Princeton, he played intercollegiate volleyball.[1][2][3]

Career

From 2005 to 2013, Anderson served as a congressional aide in the office of United States Representative John W. Olver. Beginning in 2015, he worked as deputy administrator of the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration.[4]

Anderson was appointed Under Secretary of Policy in the United States Department of Transportation in 2016, and confirmed by the United States Senate on July 14 of that year.[5]

Personal life

Anderson is married and has two children.[6]

[1]

[2]

[3]

[4]

[5]

[6]

title: Blair Anderson (government official)

question: Who is the Under Secretary for Policy in the United States Department of Transportation?

answer: Blair Anderson.

question: Where is Anderson originally from?

answer: Laguna Beach, California.

question: What degree did Anderson get from Princeton?

answer: A Bachelor of Arts in ecology.

question: What sport did Anderson play at Princeton?

answer: Beach volleyball.

question: Write a ~1 sentence summary.

answer: The article is about a United States Department of Transportation official, Blair Anderson.


text:
[River Ledges]

[River Ledges]

River ledges at Dinosaur Footp...

More than 800 prehistoric tracks—the first dinosaur prints ever to be scientifically described—are revealed in slabs of sandstone.

-   Overview
-   Ideas for Your Visit
-   Admission & Hours
-   Directions
-   Property Map
-   Regulations & Advisories

Overview

Dinosaur tracks are Massachusetts’ state fossil. Paleontologists believe the prints were left by some of the earliest known dinosaurs, from small plant-eaters to large meat-eaters up to 20 feet long. The entire Connecticut River Valley region once existed as a mix of subtropical wetlands and shallow lakes about 200 million years ago. Since their discovery in 1802, this region has been recognized for its wealth of prehistoric footprints.

Ideas for Your Visit

Catch glimpses of the trace fossils visible onsite, including four distinct dinosaurs, stromatolites, fish, and alligator ancestors, plants, and other ancient beings. The larger “Eubrontes” prints were likely made by ancestors of the great Tyrannosaurus rex, standing 15 feet tall and 20 feet long. Look for the 20-plus trackways, which formed the basis for the novel theory that dinosaurs traveled in packs or groups.

Admission & Hours

FREE to all

April 1 to November 30, daily, sunrise to sunset.

Closed in winter due to icy, slippery conditions.

Allow a minimum of ½ hour.

Directions

Route 5
Holyoke, MA 01040
Telephone: 413.213.4751
E-mail pvregion@thetrustees.org

Get directions on Google Maps.

From Points North: From I-91 South, take Exit 18 to Rt. 5 South toward Holyoke. Follow for 5.2 mi. to entrance on left.

From Points South: From I-91 North take Exit 17 to Rt. 141 East toward Holyoke. Turn left onto Rt. 5 North and follow for 2.2 mi. to entrance on right.

Reservation has small roadside turnout for parking (April 1 to November 30; 7 cars).

Public Transportation:
BLUE 48 Bus (Northampton/Veterans Park; Connection to Holyoke Mall) Flagstop route. Stand on side of the road to catch bus; ask driver to stop at Dinosaur Footprints.
For bus details, click here .

Property Map

We recommend that you take a photo of the map on your phone so you can refer to it during your visit, or download a trail map before you head out.

Regulations & Advisories

-   Please respect the ancient and fragile footprints and fossils so future generations may enjoy seeing them. Castings of the prints is not allowed because it damages the prints.
-   For visitor safety, Guilford Transportation, which owns the railroad corridor, does not permit crossing of railroad tracks. As such, there is no legal access to the Connecticut River.
-   Dogs must be kept on leash at all times.

question: Summarize why people visit Dinosaur Footprints.

answer: It has the first dinosaur footprints every scientifically described. There are over 800 different tracks to see including at of the Eubrontes, an ancestor to the Tyrannosaurus Rex.

question: What are the safety recommendations of the site?

answer: The site encourages its visitors to look at but no to touch the delicate fossils. The train tracks present near the site are not to be crossed and dogs should be kept on leashes at all times.

question: Why was the site only discovered in 1802?

answer: Though not states in the article, Massachusetts was only founded in 1788 and was likely being mapped out from this time onwards.

question: Why are fossils to prevalent in this region?

answer: It is thought that the area was made up of wetlands and shallow lakes, which were perfect conditions for the preservation of fossils.


text:
Hour 60 without power:

As I awoke this morning from the brief respite provided by the sweaty sleep, it occurred to me just how forsaken we were. The ritualistic sacrifices of vegetables from our fridge had clearly appeased no power god known to man, our choreographed dances and songs to the same purpose were unheard and unseen, and charging my iPhone™ from the car was just plain annoying. We had realized about 20 hours after the power was out that we would have to fend for ourselves for food – and to this end we had begun to drive around 15 miles to the Tysons area for food. Forsooth, we were a ragged crew. The locals had, for the most part, abandoned our powerless village for more fluorescent pastures, and the choice few that remained had sold their family members for generators and the requisite gas to make them run. And yet we had stayed, clinging to order in a brutish world; and yet we had stayed, when the hours turned to days and the gluttonous eating of food before expiration had begun; and yet we had stayed, and harbored hope that Prometheus would once again bring us fire. Perhaps you’re right – we were foolish. A though that had more than once occurred to us as we looked about or shelter, vestiges of power hauntingly lacking that jolt which gave them their life, their purpose. But we were young. We were foolish. We were naïve. And while you sit swaddled in cooled air, your electric addiction fueled by your latest hit, think of us powerless ones. Remember us fondly. Because a world in which I can’t crank up the AC, reach into the cool fridge for a chilled beverage, and watch trashy television is a world I cannot long endure.

title: I lost power for a total of 114 hours over the weekend. I wrote a fake survival diary. This is the first entry.

question: Why was the narrator's village out of power?

answer: It is not stated.

question: Why didn't the narrator and family seek alternatives to electricity?

answer: It appears they didn't know any better.

question: Write a ~2 sentence summary.

answer: The narrator and his/her family were stuck in a village without power for at least 60 hours and ran out of food. Some residents had left the village for comfort, while others acquired generators and fuel.


text:
[Bakkies Botha suspended for nine weeks after headbutt on Jimmy Cowan]

Springbok lock Bakkies Botha has been suspended for nine weeks following his opening minute of the Test headbutt on New Zealands Jimmy Cowan in Auckland on Saturday. He will be out until the end of the Tri Nations.

Botha expressed remorse for the attack after appearing before a SANZAR judicial hearing in Auckland earlier today. He said he was deeply upset, but accepted the ruling.

“I sincerely regret the incident. I have let my team, my country and family down and I have done an injustice to the Springbok jersey and what it stands for,” Botha said.

“I apologise to Jimmy Cowan and the New Zealand rugby public for what happened. Rugby is a physical sport but it has to be played within the boundaries and spirit of the law. I truly regret my actions and will make sure that I put the extended time away from the game to positive use and return to playing with the right attitude”.

The incident occurred in the first minute after Botha had charged down a Cowan kick. He then chased, but was held back by the Kiwi halfback. He waved his arms in protestation, but his claims for a penalty were ignored by referee Alan Lewis. He then tackled Cowan and followed up with the head.

It was missed by the officials at the time, but the headbutt was replayed multiple times, both on tv and in the stadium. It was deemed to be middle of the range in terms of seriousness, but Bothas disciplinary record contributed towards the lengthy ban.

“Hes got a history. Hes probably lucky he didnt get more than nine weeks,” New Zealand coach Graeme Henry said. “It was just one of those things that happens in a game which is not part of the game and has been dealt with correctly.”

The South African Rugby Unions Manager of National Teams, Andy Marinos, expressed their disappointment at Botha’s actions.

“SARU views any incident of foul play in a very serious light. Bakkies remains an important player in Springbok rugby and I have discussed with him the extent of his actions and the implications it could have on the team, himself personally and his family,” Marinos said.

Captain John Smit summed things up best. “Only Bakkies can explain what goes on in his head.”

The two sides go into battle again next weekend in Wellington, for game two of the Tri Nations.

question: What causes Bakkies Botha to be suspended for nine weeks?

answer: Bakkies Botha was suspended for nine weeks for headbutting Jimmy Cowan from New Zealand.

question: Who all were disappointed with Botha's actions?

answer: Any Marinos, who is the South African Rugby Unions Manager of National Teams, expressed their disappointment at Botha's actions.

question: Could Botha's actions be seen as something that are reoccurring?

answer: Yes, Botha seems to have a reputation for causing injuries, and if it wasn't for his suspension, other players could have gotten injured too.


text:
“That was horrible. The only redeeming quality was the acting.”

“How? I know it was a shit movie but the landscapes weren’t too bad. And as for the acting, I think Jason was the lead role in *Welcome Back, Kotter*. That is not a good thing, except when he’s actually playing the lead role in *Welcome Back, Kotter*.”

They were talking at a four-seater table at the far left of the dimly lit, dimly-funded bar, though there were only three physical people there. The fourth couldn’t make it, which was most likely code for “Last time we did this you somehow lit my walls on fire”. The first of the three there, Liam, was busy eating and hadn’t contributed to the conversation thus far.

The second, John, suddenly took a wild, strained look at the camera in the chair opposite him. “Conversation, Rob? That was two sentences. TWO.”

The narrator was startled by the random outburst. This had been going so well, at least compared to usual. “Excuse me, but narrating over one person inhaling fries and another one talking to himself and PRETENDING that another person is there is much, much harder to do when you’re holding a camera while doing it and both of the people present in the script are so incompetent that one is banned from driving a car in seven states, and the other one is currently INHALING FRIES."

“I **can't** drive, if you recall, and you’re the only one who can do a British accent, which is why you’re narrating. We discussed this.” John said.

“I can do Joker”, Liam added through a mouthful of fries.

“Joker can’t narrate a comedy about three guys in a bar.”

“Pshure ‘e can!”

“Can we just drop this whole thing? We aren’t writers, narrators, or camera-men.” The would-be narrator was through being a would-be narrator. Or any kind of narrator, really. John wasn’t. The three of them had been going to UT for two weeks now, and ever since day three of college life had wanted to make a comedy about the three of them. It was going about as well as you being interested in this story. That bad, yeah.
______________________________________________________________________________________________

The idea to start a comedy centered around boring, dull, easily irritated males has been around for as long as socks have, but, in fact, has only been properly and humorously executed about a total of six times, out of the billions it has been attempted. This was one of those billions of times.

However, this is also a story about how one of those billions of not-so-fruitful endeavors turned into an adventure not quite as grand as The Crusades, slightly worse than the System Shock franchise, and much, much better than Homestuck. I assume. I’ve never read it. Come now closer, and I will tell you the tale of Lady Luck, and all her misfortunes.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Hey, how's it going? This is the very, very first part of a short story I'll be writing, and I was wondering if anyone could give me some criticism or feedback on it. *I'll write the story regardless*, I was just wanting some feedback while or before I do. It would be [HM], [AA], and [RF], for those who are accustomed to the tags on here. I doubt this will get very high up on the charts, especially since the plot has advanced little to none and you've seen what, a few short paragraphs? But for those who do see this and are reading, I would appreciate any and all feedback and criticism. Preferably constructive, but it's not like I can stop you.

Thanks.

I AM AWARE THE TITLE IS FORMATTED INCORRECTLY.

title: Luck, the Devil, and All Their Friends ex. [HM] [AA] [RF]

question: What does the story say was the narrator's motivation for the story?

answer: Three friends attending the University of Texas wanted to make a comedy about themselves. The story plot, which centers around three dull males, had already been told too many times in the past, and the narrator hoped to create a better version of some of the well-executed stories with the same idea. In fact, the idea to make the comedy ended up becoming an adventure for them.


text:
I know it defiantly needs work. I'm really not even crazy about it. Its my first attempt at some first person perspective work and I gotta say, props to people who write first person, its difficult. I deal well with constructive criticism, just don't be an asshole. Oh ans also its my first reddit post ever. :P Well here it is:

“It was the coldest night of the year. At least it felt like it. Well actually, every night feels like the coldest night of the year when your family can’t afford two blankets in the Yukon Wasteland. In the Yukon its kill or be killed… viciously. The average life expectancy of that shit hole of a habitat is twenty-three. Twenty-fucking-three. Lottery winners say our good ole pals here in the Hearth live up to a hundred years old! But anyways it was a damn cold night, I believe in November of 2308, correct me if I’m wrong Meg!” Meg replied, “I believe in October, Scotty” “Anyways in October of 2308, the senators came rolling through looking for their weekly tribute except this time, turns out they wanted people, and not just any people, children. The damn Hearth was too lazy to work their own fucking wheat fields. Yup me and Meg were two of the lucky bastards to be taken from our homes in the middle of the night without any prior knowledge or warning. My own parents didn’t even know I was taken. You have no idea what it’s like knowing that you will never see your family ever again.  But I think both me and Meg can agree that our lucky little “extended work trip” saved our lives.

title: First Paragraph. Some Feedback Please?

question: Where does the narrator live?

answer: She lives in the Yukon Wasteland.

question: Does she live alone?

answer: No, she lives with her family.

question: Where were Meg and Scotty taken?

answer: They were taken to work in the wheat fields.

question: What was Hearth?

answer: It may be implied that Hearth is a close-by town of the aristocrats who take people from Yukon Wasteland to work for them.

question: Write a ~5 sentence summary.

answer:
Scotty and Meg live in Yukon Wasteland. The life expectancy in Yukon is 23 years while that in Hearth is 100. In October 2308, the senator came looking for children to work in the wheat fields in Hearth.

Scotty's parents had no idea that he was taken away. But now, both Meg and Scotty believe that their "little work trip" saved their lives.


text:
We stood at the gate, Alysha and I. I had an odd feeling in my stomach. Perhaps it was the eerie gargoyles decorating the windows, or the thick iron bars that made up the fence. Alysha, beside me, was shaking with excitement. I was also shaking, but from fear. I shivered. There was a ringing in my ears, but through that I could hear someone speaking. My eyes focused and I saw the ticket clerk. "Will you be going in or not? I don't have time for you to stand there not doing anything," he said indignantly. Before I could shake my head, Alysha nodded excitedly and gave him the money. He took it and stamped our hands. The stamp, I saw, was a clown. "Have a nice time, ladies," the clerk said, smiling creepily. There was something odd about him... His eyes looked empty of emotion. They looked *black.* Before I could dwell any longer on his eyes, Alysha grabbed my hand and dragged me into the maze. "Alysha, I really don't want to do this," I started saying, a slight tremble in my voice. She turned around, grabbing my other hand as well. "Aw, Lexie, are you scared? Don't worry, I'll protect you. Especially since we have a little alone time now," she purred, biting her bottom lip and winking. I inhaled sharply. *So that's why she wanted me to come. Not that I mind.* I had let her pull me farther into the maze, until we reached a dead end. "Oh no, Lexie, we're lost and I'm cold... Hold me," she growled playfully, pulling me closer. I nuzzled her cheek but did nothing else. "Alysha, I don't want to do anything here... I feel like we're being watched," I said in a low voice. She giggled, not realizing my fear. She stepped back, her back pushing into the hedge. "You're so paranoid, hun. Chill out and let's take advantage of this," she moaned quietly, pulling my face down to hers. Just as our lips had touched she had suddenly jumped, every muscle tightening. I pulled back to see a needle in her neck. "W-What? Alysha are you alright? Talk to me!" I had yelled, trying to pull her away from the hedge. But she wouldn't budge. In fact, she had begun being pulled back INTO the hedge. Her head bobbed down, her chin resting on her chest. I wrapped my arms around her, trying to pull her back. "No! Alysha, fight it, please," I cried, tugging on her arms. "I need you to fi-" I was cut off by a pair of arms wrapping around me, pulling me back into the opposite hedge. "No! Alysha!" I screamed as she was completely engulfed by the hedge. I looked back over my shoulder, to try and see who was grabbing me... But nobody was there. All I could see was what I thought were... *Branches?* I was being kidnapped by the HEDGE? I closed my eyes, giving up the fight. There was no way I'd win. As I felt my entire body be swallowed, I blacked out.

I am writing this in my cell. My captors have faked my death, same with all of the other prisoners. We have become a part of a... Machine. Some of us are assigned gate duty, like the cold man I saw before it all happened. Most of us, though, are assigned collection duty. We are in charge of doing the same thing others did to us. Kidnapping people. It's been 238 days. I haven't seen Alysha. Why they put a needle in her and not me, I will not know. I have been forgotten. I'm just a slave now.

title: Maze.

question: Write a ~0 sentence summary.