text:
Excerpt from found journal at site 225-A9.

Author identified as only Doctor S. PHD.

Dated March 14th 2035

Noted location: "Old World," State-run Hospital VA-02295 "St. Francine's"

...
  As I read the chart I noticed the results of the State mandated Gen-PreF tests. It reported that my next patient couple was decidedly more comfortable with a "male" doctor. I was disappointed. I thought about how I would have to announce myself as "Mystr S., PHD." It just didn't roll of the tongue as well as "Miss" did, or even the more simple "Dr. S." and leave my gender neutral. I wasn't worried about passing off as a man though, I had just visited the barb-ilist. The thym that worked on me did a wonderful job, not too long, not too short. The perfect blend of "long-haired man" or "not too short-haired woman." My other traits have all been sculpted to be "visual kei." I still, to this day, swear the hip shrinking pelvis shaving surgery was far more painful than my breast reduction, counter to the common claims of my peers. The State supplied hormone pills took care of everything else.

  When I stepped into the room I took a quick measure of the persons in front of me. The "male" was decidedly trying to be neutral, but his haggard complexion and signs of stubble on his face, gave me the impression of "him" more than anything. I allowed him the improper variance given the womyn in the room. "She" was nervous, her eyes darted down from him to me as I walked in. She was several weeks pregnant, and starting to show.

  "Hello, Miss J. and Mystr K., my name is Docto- I mean Mystr S., PHD," I said, slipping.

  The man narrowed his eyes and looked me up and down, but kept his mouth shut. She was in a sitting position in the chair in the middle of the room, he was standing over her left shoulder, his hand on it.

  "I've been reading your chart, here... no family names?" I asked conversationally.

  The womyn looked up at him and squeezed his hand as he cringed, "I don't have a family."

  She looked back down to me and said, "I used to have a family name, but I went through a deerkin phase and had it legally changed. After I met K. here I changed it back to my given name but kept out my family name for hym." I noticed the inflection when she said "hym." Keeping up appearances I assumed. It was well enough, because I did have the power to incite sanctions against them for not keeping to the rules of neutrality.

  "Ah, so J and K it is then. Not Myssus hmm? You aren't legal life partners yet?" I quizzed sitting down in the swivel chair provided for me.

  The man stood taller and said almost monotonously, "No, but we have cohabited for two and a half years now."

  This response was acceptable, since the State funded OCare that was paying for this visit only allowed them to be here if they met certain criteria. Marriage is no longer a legal coupling, one of the few concessions the retro-conservs won from the peace talks after The Gender Wars, but cohabitation for a period longer than two years was.

  What I found most interesting was their nervousness in using the State funded care. Nearly everyone did now, and since the demand was so low, non-funded health care was pretty cheap. Heck, with nearly everything provided to me at my andro housing barracks, my stipend of 'fun' expenditures could easily afford the cost of a legally enforced gender checkup during pregnancy. Not that I would ever get pregnant, disgusting. Genetic tailoring and the use of synthetic wombs is such a cleaner option.

  "Very good. Let's take a look at your fetus shall we then?" I said as I down the chart, grabbed some latex gloves from the counter, wheeled closer, and pulled the ultrasound caddy closer.

  Everything checked out okay, with one exception. "Healthy, but sorry, it's a boy. As you know our current sector has too many male children. When would you like to schedule the termination, this afternoon, or sometime later this week?"

  The female unit started to cry.

title: [SP] Sorry, it's a boy.

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

Why is the story obsessed with gender?

answer: It is not clear why the story focuses on gender, but, because it was written by a PHD, it might have gotten too complicated for it to all be explained in the story form.

text: This story is a work of fiction. It wasn't really written by a PhD.

refinement: It is not clear why the story focuses on gender,

text: The story focuses on gender because it is centered in a gender-obsessed future.

refinement: The story takes place in a gender-obsessed future.

answer: The story is interested in gender primarily because of the clinic's restrictions on cohabitation for partners and the resulting potential need for a termination. The doctor is consistently oriented toward gender throughout the journal entry, in an effort to make sure that the criteria for cohabitation is being observed.

text: This is not the reason the story is "obsessed" with gender. The story doesn't surround a cohabitation issue. The story takes place in a gender-obsessed future/utopia.

refinement: The story takes place in a gender-obsessed future/utopia.

answer: Gender identity is a topic of concern because people have historically been known to cause conflict due to different expectations imposed upon them.

text: "because people have historically been known to cause conflict due to different expectations imposed upon them" isn't really true or at least implied for this story. It would be better to stick with the first half.

text: It's clear that the story is "obsessed" with gender because it takes place in a gender-obsessed future.

refinement: Gender identity is a topic of concern in the story's gender-obsessed future.

answer: The story is obsessed with gender because both the male and female patient worry endlessly about how their genders will affect their interactions with the doctor. The author was disappointed to find a male would be attending the appointment and is focused most strongly on the male patient. Their attempts to sculpt their appearances to be visually kei is reminiscent of early norms of gender adhering which suggests the author has an outdated perspective on gender. The author also focuses on how all aspects of the patient's relationship and lives must adhere to specific criteria or there will be sanctions from the State.

text: Only the final sentence sort of states why the story is obsessed with gender. The story takes place in a gender-obsessed future/utopia.

refinement: The story takes place in a gender-obsessed future/utopia. The author also focuses on how all aspects of the patient's relationship and lives must adhere to specific criteria or there will be sanctions from the State.

answer: This takes place in some alternate dystopia where gender wars have taken place, quotas on gendered individuals are in effect, and everyone strives to be gender neutral.

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

What is the narrator's gender?

answer: The narrator's gender is female. The protagonist announces herself as "Mystr S., PHD," and has gone through various physical changes in order to present as male. Despite the protagonist's presentation, the male partner is able to figure out the protagonist's true gender based on various cues. Ultimately, the protagonist tells the couple that the fetus is male and offers them the option to terminate the pregnancy.

text: The man doesn't really figure out the protagonist's true gender. This should be omitted. Protagonist is also not clear when "narrator" is also being used, perhaps interchangeably.

refinement: The narrator's gender is female. The narrator announces herself as "Mystr S., PHD," and has gone through various physical changes in order to present as male. Ultimately, the protagonist tells the couple that the fetus is male and offers them the option to terminate the pregnancy.

text: The final sentence is unnecessary to answer the question.

refinement: The narrator's gender is female. The narrator announces herself as "Mystr S., PHD," and has gone through various physical changes in order to present as male.

text: It seems the narrator was trying to present more as gender neutral than as a male. It should be added that the narrator may also be

refinement: The narrator's gender is female. The narrator announces herself as "Mystr S., PHD," and has gone through various physical changes in order to present as male or gender neutral.

answer: they appear to be a man

text: It would be more accurate to say the narrator is perhaps gender neutral (if not a man), but born a woman.

refinement: they appear to be a man or gender neutral, but were born female.

answer: Female.

text: IT seems the narrator was born female, but they had procedures to be more male presenting. This would mean they are now either male or gender neutral.

refinement: Born female, but they had procedures to be more male presenting. This would mean they are now either male or gender neutral.

answer: The narrator is female.

text: IT seems the narrator was born female, but they had procedures to be more male presenting. This would mean they are now either male or gender neutral.

refinement: The narrator is female, but they had procedures to be more male presenting. This would mean they are now either male or gender neutral.

answer: Sounds like they've transitioned from female to gender neutral, more masculine.

text: "I still, to this day, swear the hip shrinking pelvis shaving surgery was far more painful than my breast reduction, counter to the common claims of my peers."

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

When does this take place?

answer: The passage takes place in March of 2035.

answer: 2035

answer: This takes place in March of 2035.

answer: March 14th, 2035.

answer: March 14, 2035.

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

Why does the narrator suggest that they must terminate the patient's pregnancy?

answer: Based on the passage, the narrator suggests terminating the patient's pregnancy so that there are more female children in their sector. The reason for this is that there is a gender imbalance in their sector, with a disproportionate number of males.

text: The story doesn't state that their needs to be more females, specifically. It would be better to omit this.

refinement: Based on the passage, the narrator suggests terminating the patient's pregnancy since there is a gender imbalance in their sector, with a disproportionate number of males.

text: It's omitted that the patient's child is male.

refinement: Based on the passage, the narrator suggests terminating the patient's pregnancy since there is a gender imbalance in their sector, with a disproportionate number of males, and the patient's child is male.

answer: That information is not covered in the text.

text: This is false. It is directly stated that, "...sorry, it's a boy. As you know our current sector has too many male children. When would you like to schedule the termination."

refinement: Their sector has too many male children, and the patient's child is a boy.

answer: There are many male children born in their sector and the couple would be fined if they proceed with the pregnancy.

text: It's not said in the passage that the couple would be fined. This should be omitted.

refinement: There are many male children born in their sector

text: It's omitted that the patient's child is a boy.

refinement: There are many male children born in their sector, and the patient's child is a boy.

answer: The patient's pregnancy must be terminated because it is likely that there are too many male children in the sector, and this pregnancy would further that imbalance.

text: It's implied, but specify that the patient's child is a boy.

refinement: The patient's pregnancy must be terminated because it is likely that there are too many male children in the sector, and this pregnancy would further that imbalance due to the fetus being a male.

answer: Because the child is a boy and there are too many boys in their sector.

text: "... it's a boy. As you know our current sector has too many male children. When would you like to schedule the termination."

question: Write a ~3 sentence summary.

answer: A doctor that has undergone gender transition operations and alterations strives to enforce gender neutrality laws enacted after the gender wars. All sorts of gender neutral laws and customs are implied. When the patient is informed that their child is a boy, they're told the only option is termination because there are too many boys in their current sector.

answer: A doctor enters a patient's room and realizes that the couple scheduled for today is glad for a male doctor. The couple have been living together without being married for two and a half years. The doctor confirms that it is a boy fetus and the couple decides to schedule a termination. The female starts to cry.

text: The first sentence doesn't really make sense or match the story.

refinement: In a gender-obsessed utopia following a Gender War, Dr.S, who has undergone procedures to look less feminine, recounts a visit they had with a patient, a couple  The couple have been living together without being married for two and a half years. The doctor confirms that it is a boy fetus and the couple decides to schedule a termination. The female starts to cry.

text: "The couple have been living together..." doesn't really tell anything important. It should be replaced.

refinement: In a gender-obsessed utopia following a Gender War, Dr.S, who has undergone procedures to look less feminine, recounts a visit they had with a patient, a couple  The couple are legal life partners because they cohabitate, and the woman is pregnant. The doctor confirms that it is a boy fetus and the couple decides to schedule a termination. The female starts to cry.

text: The third sentence needs to be reworked so that it includes why the baby needs to be terminated. Also, it's false that the couple decides to schedule the termination.

refinement: In a gender-obsessed utopia following a Gender War, Dr.S, who has undergone procedures to look less feminine, recounts a visit they had with a patient, a couple  The couple are legal life partners because they cohabitate, and the woman is pregnant. The doctor confirms that the fetus is a boy, but that they need to terminate because there are too many male children in their sector. The female starts to cry.

text: The final sentence is unnecessary since there only needs to be 3 sentences.

refinement: In a gender-obsessed utopia following a Gender War, Dr.S, who has undergone procedures to look less feminine, recounts a visit they had with a patient, a couple. The couple are legal life partners because they cohabitate, and the woman is pregnant. The doctor confirms that the fetus is a boy, but that they need to terminate because there are too many male children in their sector.

answer: A doctor visits a couple who want a female doctor; upon reading their gen-pref results, the doctor tells them that they're having a boy. The female starts crying, and the doctor suggests an abortion.

text: This doesn't capture the story at all and needs to be rewritten totally.

refinement: In a gender-obsessed utopia following a Gender War, Dr.S, who has undergone procedures to look less feminine, recounts a visit they had with a patient, a couple.  The couple are legal life partners because they cohabitate, and the woman is pregnant. The doctor confirms that the fetus is a boy, but that they need to terminate because there are too many male children in their sector.

answer: Miss S. is a doctor, since the no longer require a specific gender for a physician. She works at St. Francine's hospital, located in the old world. One day, she is working a shift with a woman identified as Miss J. and Mister K. When Miss J. announces she is pregnant, Miss S. tries to explain that there are too many male babies and she will need to schedule a termination.

text: The first sentence is incorrect. The doctor isn't a doctor because there is no requirement for a specific gender. This should be rewritten and also include the context of Dr.S and the world they are in. This will also eliminate the need for the second sentence.

refinement: In a gender-obsessed utopia following a Gender War, Dr.S, who has undergone procedures to look less feminine, recounts a visit they had with a patient, a couple. One day, she is working a shift with a woman identified as Miss J. and Mister K. When Miss J. announces she is pregnant, Miss S. tries to explain that there are too many male babies and she will need to schedule a termination.

text: "a woman identified as Miss J. and Mister K" sounds like the woman identifies as both these people. Replace this entire sentence by saying how the couple are legal life partners.

refinement: In a gender-obsessed utopia following a Gender War, Dr.S, who has undergone procedures to look less feminine, recounts a visit they had with a patient, a couple. The couple are legal life partners because they cohabitate, and the woman is pregnant. When Miss J. announces she is pregnant, Miss S. tries to explain that there are too many male babies and she will need to schedule a termination.

text: Rework the final sentence to include that the child is a boy and will need to be terminated.

refinement: In a gender-obsessed utopia following a Gender War, Dr.S, who has undergone procedures to look less feminine, recounts a visit they had with a patient, a couple. The couple are legal life partners because they cohabitate, and the woman is pregnant. The doctor announces the child is a boy and will need to be terminated because there are too many male children in their current sector.

answer: Dr. S recounts a story about a consultation with a pregnant woman and her male partner; after she complie with OCare requirements by being with her partner for more than 2 years, she is required to get a State mandated physical exam. The fact that the couple live together does not allow OCare to pay for the exam, but her partner doesn't offer to pay. After the gender exam is complete, Dr. S. begins discussing the results when the Gender Wars occur and the couple leaks a truce.

text: The setting (2035, post-Gender Wars) in a gender obsessed utopian society is omitted.

refinement: In a gender-obsessed futuristic society after the Gender Wars, Dr. S recounts a story about a consultation with a pregnant woman and her male partner; after she complied with OCare requirements by being with her partner for more than 2 years, she is required to get a State mandated physical exam. The fact that the couple live together does not allow OCare to pay for the exam, but her partner doesn't offer to pay. After the gender exam is complete, Dr. S. begins discussing the results when the Gender Wars occur and the couple leaks a truce.

text: A description of Dr.S and their surgeries is omitted.

refinement: In a gender-obsessed futuristic society after the Gender Wars, Dr. S, who has undergone procedures to look less feminine, recounts a story about a consultation with a pregnant woman and her male partner; after she complied with OCare requirements by being with her partner for more than 2 years, she is required to get a State mandated physical exam. The fact that the couple live together does not allow OCare to pay for the exam, but her partner doesn't offer to pay. After the gender exam is complete, Dr. S. begins discussing the results when the Gender Wars occur and the couple leaks a truce.

text: "...after she complied with OCare requirements by being with her partner for more than 2 years, she is required to get a State mandated physical exam" isn't true based off the story. This should be omitted.

refinement: In a gender-obsessed futuristic society after the Gender Wars, Dr. S, who has undergone procedures to look less feminine, recounts a story about a consultation with a pregnant woman and her male partner. The fact that the couple live together does not allow OCare to pay for the exam, but her partner doesn't offer to pay. After the gender exam is complete, Dr. S. begins discussing the results when the Gender Wars occur and the couple leaks a truce.

text: "The fact that the couple live together does not allow OCare to pay for the exam, but her partner doesn't offer to pay," is also not true based off of the story. Replace this by saying the couple's cohabitation for two years allows them to be seen as legal life partners and receive State funded care.

refinement: In a gender-obsessed futuristic society after the Gender Wars, Dr. S, who has undergone procedures to look less feminine, recounts a story about a consultation with a pregnant woman and her male partner. The couple's cohabitation for two years allows them to be seen as legal life partners and receive State funded care. After the gender exam is complete, Dr. S. begins discussing the results when the Gender Wars occur and the couple leaks a truce.

text: The final sentence is also false. Replace this by saying Dr.S tells the couple their child is a boy, which means he needs to be terminated due to too many male children in their sector.

refinement: In a gender-obsessed futuristic society after the Gender Wars, Dr. S, who has undergone procedures to look less feminine, recounts a story about a consultation with a pregnant woman and her male partner. The couple's cohabitation for two years allows them to be seen as legal life partners and receive State funded care.  Dr.S tells the couple their child is a boy, which means he needs to be terminated due to too many male children in their sector.


split: test

text:
As he unfolded the brown wrappings of his tootsi-roll in the dinky little motel he had checked into the previous day, he noticed he had missed a spot from his earlier encounter.  A woman, around the age of 23, Susan was an only child, a repeated offender of the law, and quite possibly a prostitute, this we are unsure of.  Jerry, a Sophisticated young lad around the age of 25, he grew up a loner, the kids always made fun of him for never being interested in any girls when most others had hit puberty.  An outcast, Not a crazy psychopathic outcast like most other serial killers out there.  Simply one of those who could  easily be cast aside and forgotten about without a second guess.  He cleans the blood stains off the bathtub, and vigorously washes his hands.

He pulls out a  tattered map of the United states, you can tell its been used many times before, from the gradient spectrum of browns from obvious coffee spills, arguably red stains from blood, but what is strange, is something was written on the back, in a faded light blue pen. Written upside down were the words "i have to do this, I'm sorry.  I love you, beth" with tear stains from her writing the note, and him reading it. Torn edges, and crumpled folds, he takes out his red pen, like he always does. He simply puts an X on where San Francisco should be.

He packs his bags, a duffle bag, and a backpack. he puts his dry cleaning in his duffle bag, you can just smell death covered with the sweet smell of spring  meadows, He finishes packing up his belongings, and looks at the map one more time.  He draws an arrow to Sacramento. You can see other lines, he started off in a small town near Houston Texas, and then made his way east. six or seven other X's mark other stops along his way to Los Angeles, Notable ones are in Phoenix, San Diego, and Riverside where Women have been reported missing.

He has an odd pattern to his mishaps, He finds a girl at a bar, but not one who has had too much to drink, he wants to know who she really is. after they chat for a while, he offers to taker her back to her place without any intentions, and offers to take her out the next day.  Most accept and they go out into a public place, they get to know each other.  After about an hour of conversation, he reveals he has a problem that can be fixed, their expressions are always the same, mouth open, shocked, confused, hurt, and misguided.  Unbeknownst to others around them, the two seem to be having a nice chat with some bad news, nothing to get over excited about.  Following her expressions comes the oh so  familiar apology, and tells them that he will give them a ride back. This is where things go from sweet to sour.

He never sleeps with his victims, he has respect. perhaps not as much as the average Joe.  He doesn't torture them, Jerry makes their deaths quick and painless. sometimes strangulation, others, he will cut her throat.  he will always ask how they want to go. and he usually abides by it, as long as it doesn't involve a gun. He has a strong hatred towards guns, as a child, the kids would always pretend to shoot blanks at him.  one time, one of the guns had a real bullet. when it went off, it overpowered all the other powder caps that they were shooting, nothing slowed down. He could just feel the hot metallic texture of the bullet as it broke up inside his leg, he could feel the bullet get ripped apart. Everything he remembers went white after that, he may have blocked it out himself, or he may just not remember.

He leaves his hotel room, not leaving any trace of anyone ever being there, it looked like the maids had just cleaned the room. He gets into his old '87 dark cherry red two door cadillac, the one with the white top, and the rims that glisten when struck by the sunlight.  He gets on the 80 freeway going east, towards Sacramento. He does his usual routine, however, this one is different.  He seems to be happy when she smiles, and she has the same eyes as his previous Lover, Beth.  Without thinking, he kisses her on the cheek, she blushes and asks why he did that, they don't  knew each other. he quickly turns much more red than the cherry red of his cadillac.  They hit it off great, he is actually happy for once in his life, other than the times he spent with beth.

However, she ends up much like the rest. eyes closed, in the bathtub filled of that liquid cherry red blood everyone is oh so familiar with.  Jerry is crying.  this is the first time he has cried since she left. leaving that note on the back of his map.  Lying on his hotel bed, staring up into the depths of the ceiling, he hand folds off the edge of the bed, holding the beloved map.  The map floats down to the ground, Written on the front, on the east side of the country, was written,

"Jerry, i want to go so many places with you, lets go here..."  An X is marked on Houston, Salt Lake, Vancouver, St. Louis, Los Angeles, San Diego, and New York.  all in black ink.  he unfolds another tootsi-roll wrapper, and takes a bite of the unknown taffy like substance.  He gets up, walks over to the bathroom, more pale than usual. he sits down on the tolite, stares at her pale flesh, he can see the beauty he had just slain.  vivid memories of Beth scream into his mind, he is happier than ever, things start to get whiter, he looks down, as he removes the syringe full of morphine.  All but 5 cc's are left out of the full 200.  his eyes flutter upwards, he mutters "im sorry." and passes into a deep sleep.

_________

i know its got flaws, timing / pacing / character development. but it was fun writing it a few years ago and decided someone here might also like it. comments / criticism are appreciated!

title: not the best, but it was fun writing it!

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

What is Jerry's role in the story?

answer: Jerry is in the story to show how a serial killer is not necessarily an outcast.

text: This is false. Jerry is an outcast.

text: Blank response

refinement: Jerry is the protagonist. He is a serial killer.

answer: Jerry is a serial killer.

text: It's omitted that Jerry is also the protagonist.

refinement: Jerry is the protagonist and a serial killer.

answer: Jerry is a killer, who murders women in other states.

text: It's omitted that Jerry is also the protagonist.

refinement: Jerry is the protagonist. He's a killer who murders women in other states.

answer: Jerry is the story's serial killer.

text: It's omitted that Jerry is also the protagonist.

refinement: Jerry is the story's protagonist and serial killer.

answer: Jerry is the protagonist and villain in the story. He's a serial killer living his life as a loner and an outcast. He moves across different cities and states in the U.S. using an old map and picks up women. Jerry takes these women on dates to get to know them better before he kills them. He never sleeps with the women he kills as a sign of respect, but it may have a deeper meaning (speculation: possibly sexual frustration).

text: This is unnecessary for the answer. It would be better to omit.

refinement: Jerry is the protagonist and villain in the story. He's a serial killer living his life as a loner and an outcast. He moves across different cities and states in the U.S. using an old map and picks up women.

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

What motivates Jerry to kill all these women?

answer: Jerry murders these women out of guilt for abandoning his previous lover, Beth, and overwhelming loneliness and longing for companionship. The lure of a new potential relationship helps justify his actions.

text: This answer is said definitively, when the story does not totally specify what his motivation is. Additionally, the answer wouldn't be that Jerry feels guilt for abandoning Beth, because it seems that Beth left him. The motivation could be Beth and just a general desire to kill women.

text: Blank response.

refinement: It's not stated explicitly in the story, but Jerry's motivations could be due to heartache from his relationship with Beth and his general desire to kill women.

answer: Not stated explicitly, but it seems he gets a sadistic thrill from killing women.

text: It's omitted that his motivations could also come from heartache from Beth.

refinement: Not stated explicitly, but it seems he gets a sadistic thrill from killing women and from his heartache for Beth.

answer: Jerry's possible motivation for killing women in each of the cities he visits is Beth. She was Jerry's lover and wanted to travel to different cities with him. Beth used the old map and marked all the places she wanted to go to. Something may have happened to Beth (Speculation: she died or maybe Jerry killed her despite loving her) and now Jerry is fulfilling their plan to visit all the places on the map. Since Beth is no longer with him, Jerry looks for women who can be with him, then kills them before moving on to another city.

text: This is too assumptive. There are not enough details in the story to assume all of this. Most likely, Beth left him as there is a note that says "I have to do this, I'm sorry". It would be better to omit.

refinement: Jerry's possible motivation for killing women in each of the cities he visits is Beth. She was Jerry's lover and wanted to travel to different cities with him. Beth used the old map and marked all the places she wanted to go to.

text: It's omitted that it's possible Jerry also likes killing women. He's a serial killer and has killed several times at this point which could infer he enjoys what he does.

refinement: Jerry's possible motivation for killing women in each of the cities he visits is Beth. She was Jerry's lover and wanted to travel to different cities with him. Beth used the old map and marked all the places she wanted to go to. Additionally, he may also just enjoy killing women.

answer: He decides to kill all these women because of the pain he has suffered in the past. He has grown to cherish the women that he's killed. Jerry feels he needs to do this so he can end his pain.

text: This should be stated in speculative terms as its never stated definitevly where Jerry's motivations are in the story.

refinement: It's possible he decides to kill all these women because of the pain he has suffered in the past. He has grown to cherish the women that he's killed. Jerry feels he needs to do this so he can end his pain.

text: This is too assumptive and should be omitted.

refinement: It's possible he decides to kill all these women because of the pain he has suffered in the past. He has grown to cherish the women that he's killed.

text: This is not stated in the story and should be omitted.

refinement: It's possible he decides to kill all these women because of the pain he has suffered in the past.

text: Specify that the pain relates to Beth.

refinement: It's possible he decides to kill all these women because of the pain he has suffered in the past from Beth.

text: It should be stated that the motivation may be that Jerry enjoys killing women.

refinement: It's possible he decides to kill all these women because of the pain he has suffered in the past from Beth. He also may just enjoy killing women.

answer: Jerry kills these women in order to make himself happy. He does not consider the emotional or physical harm he causes to these women and is driven purely by selfish reasons.

text: It's not stated explicitly in the story why Jerry kills, so it would be better to use speculative terms in the answer.

refinement: It's possible Jerry kills these women in order to make himself happy. He does not consider the emotional or physical harm he causes to these women and is driven purely by selfish reasons.

text: Jerry definitely considers the physical and emotional harm he causes to the women. This is inaccurate and should be removed.

refinement: It's possible Jerry kills these women in order to make himself happy.

text: It's omitted that Jerry's motivations may also be from heartache caused by Beth.

refinement: It's possible Jerry kills these women in order to make himself happy. He may also do it because of the heartache he feels about his past lover, Beth.

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

What factors drove Jerry to become a serial killer?

answer: Jerry grew up a loner and had a strong hatred of guns. Unbeknownst to others around them, the victim usually revealed he had a problem that could be fixed, which led to their death. Jerry does not torture his victims, but makes their deaths quick and painless. Jerry tearfully kills his victims after bonding with them first. These factors drove Jerry to become a serial killer.

text: None of these factors led to Jerry being a serial killer. This should be omitted. Additionally, the answer should be in speculative terms as it's not stated explicitly in the text.

refinement: Jerry could have become a serial killer because he grew up a loner

text: It's omitted that Jerry was also an outcast.

refinement: Jerry could have become a serial killer because he grew up a loner and outcast.

text: It's omitted that Jerry could have become a serial killer due to the heartache he felt from his ex lover, Beth.

refinement: Jerry could have become a serial killer because he grew up a loner and outcast. It also could be due to the heartache he feels from his ex lover, Beth.

answer: It seems the people who were kids when Mitch was still a young boy bullied him for never showing an interest in any girls when most others were done puberty.

text: The main character's name is Jerry, not Mitch.

refinement: It seems the people who were kids when Jerry was still a young boy bullied him for never showing an interest in any girls when most others were done puberty.

text: It would be more effective to state that moments like the one stated are what made Jerry a loner, and possibly led to his serial killing.

refinement: Even when Jerry was young he was a loner and an outcast. When he was still a young boy kids bullied him for never showing an interest in any girls when most others were done puberty.

text: It's omitted that Jerry's heartbreak from an ex lover, Beth, could have led to him being a serial killer.

refinement: Even when Jerry was young he was a loner and an outcast. When he was still a young boy kids bullied him for never showing an interest in any girls when most others were done puberty. He also could have become a serial killer due to his heartbreak from an ex lover, Beth.

text: This entire answer should be in speculative terms as the reason for his being a serial killer is never definitively stated.

refinement: It's not stated definitively why Jerry is a serial killer, but when he was young he was a loner and an outcast. When he was still a young boy kids bullied him for never showing an interest in any girls when most others were done puberty. He also could have become a serial killer due to his heartbreak from an ex lover, Beth.

answer: Jerry was driven to become a serial killer by a desire for the attention and approval he lacked in childhood. He was driven to kill after each of his early interactions resulted in him being rejected. This led him to seek validation and satisfaction through murder.

text: This answer is  off base, as there is no mention of a desire for approval or validation. Jerry was just a loner intentionally it seemed. Additionally, the answer should be in speculative terms.

text: Blank response

refinement: It's not stated definitively why Jerry is a serial killer, but when he was young he was a loner and an outcast. He also could have become a serial killer due to his heartbreak from an ex lover, Beth.

answer: It appears that he became a serial killer due to the chronic bullying he received from his peers when he was a child.

text: Since the answer isn't specifically stated in the story it would be better to use slightly more speculative language.

refinement: It's not stated in the story, but it appears that he became a serial killer due to the chronic bullying he received from his peers when he was a child.

text: It's omitted that he could have became an outcast due to being a loner and outcast (which relates to the bullying).

refinement: It's not stated in the story, but it appears that he became a serial killer from being a loner and outcast due to the chronic bullying he received from his peers when he was a child.

text: It's omitted that Jerry could have become a serial killer due to the heartache he still has over his ex lover, Beth.

refinement: It's not stated in the story, but it appears that he became a serial killer from being a loner and outcast due to the chronic bullying he received from his peers when he was a child. He also could have been driven to this due to his heartache over his ex lover, Beth.

answer: Jerry was a loner and outcast. Kids always made fun of him for never being interested in any girls when most others had hit puberty. By all accounts, it appears Jerry was bullied by the other kids. Jerry was even shot in the leg one time when the kids were using real guns to shoot blanks at him, and one of the guns had a live bullet.

text: Since the answer isn't specifically stated in the story it would be better to use  more speculative language.

refinement: It's not stated specifically why, but Jerry was a loner and outcast. Kids always made fun of him for never being interested in any girls when most others had hit puberty. By all accounts, it appears Jerry was bullied by the other kids. Jerry was even shot in the leg one time when the kids were using real guns to shoot blanks at him, and one of the guns had a live bullet.

text: It's omitted that Jerry could have also become a serial killer due to his heartache from his ex lover, Beth.

refinement: It's not stated specifically why, but Jerry was a loner and outcast. Kids always made fun of him for never being interested in any girls when most others had hit puberty. By all accounts, it appears Jerry was bullied by the other kids. Jerry was even shot in the leg one time when the kids were using real guns to shoot blanks at him, and one of the guns had a live bullet. He could've also become a serial killer due to the heartache he feels from his ex lover, Beth.


text:
Sitting outside on the steps of the Lafayette Theater on a crisp February evening with a rolled newspaper clenched tightly in his left-hand Joseph Williams was lost in thought. It was a familiar voice that brought him back to reality, “Hey Joey, the boys and I are headin’ over to the Libya Cafe on 131st.You comin’?” He looked up and saw his closest friend Robert Frost, “Naw, you go on ahead. I’ll catch up to you later.”

 Joseph and Robert were part of the 369th infantry regiment, formerly known as the New York Fifteenth National Guard, who spent 191 consecutive days on the front lines in the war-ravaged French countryside. He reflected back on the first day he and a rag-tag ensemble of fellow African-Americans fell into a hap-hazard formation in front of the same theater which he now sat on the front steps of. He also thought about the nonstop drilling and training at Camp Whitman that instilled in him and the rest of the NY15NG their first real sense of pride. After Whitman came remedial security detail, guarding rail lines and terminals in New York City. Eventually Joey and the 369th were shipped out to France. Joey thought the French were wonderful people, devoid of the bigotry and prejudice that white folk seemed all too willing to express stateside. The 369th was given as piecemeal to the French army by the US government to bolster their ranks, and the French soldiers were most accommodating hosts, showing a kindness and affection most of the 369th  had never seen in whites before the war. Joey thought about all the horrors he had seen and done during the war, and not for the first time gave thanks to the Lord for bringing him home in one piece. The Homecoming parade that ended not long before Joey took a seat on the steps of the old Lafayette had almost been as surreal as the war itself. As far as his eyes could see whites and blacks intermingled, holding miniature American Flags, cheering and waving the boys of the 369th on as the succession marched proudly through the streets of Harlem. It seemed too good to be true, Joey first thought, maybe this war would make a difference for black folks in the US after all.  That notion was quickly laid to rest though when Joey first gazed upon the newspaper he now absentmindedly clutched in his hand.

Before he enlisted, Joey was a bellhop at a small hotel in Queens, he despised the monotony of his humble profession and knew in his heart he was destined for more. When the opportunity presented itself in the late summer of 1916, Joey jumped on the chance to join the New York Fifteenth National Guard. Initially during drill, Joey and several other men who had also enlisted where given brooms instead of rifles to shoulder while in formation. The official explanation for this was that there was a shortage of rifles, but Joey suspected it had more to do with a lack of trust the white officers had in their black recruits. Eventually Joey and the rest of the NY15NG completed their training and were inducted into the ranks of the “proudest military in the world.” After training, the regiment was assigned to guard duty, but the boys were thirsty for action.

 In early December of 1917, the NY15NG were given their orders and were loaded onto transport ships, to be sailed across the Atlantic and sent to France. Upon arrival on New Year’s Day 1918, Joey and the rest of the NY15NG arrived in France and were greeted by the open arms of the French Poilus (an affectionate term for French soldiers meaning “hairy ones”). It was then that the New York Fifteenth National Guard was to be called the 369th infantry regiment. Joey and the rest of the 369th spent their first two months in France carrying out laborious tasks that were deemed “unfit” for white American soldiers. Joey never lost hope that he and the boys would get to see the action first hand. In March of 1918 Joeys wish was granted. The 369th was given to the French army to fill its impoverished ranks.

 In April, the men of the 369th got their first taste of combat. Joey and Robert were manning a trench facing the Hauzy Woods when they heard the Whiz-Pop of incoming German artillery. Diving head first into their trench Joey covered his head and prayed to God to see him through the hellish ordeal. Almost immediately after the artillery barrage subsided he heard the bloodcurdling shouts of the advancing Hun.  Peaking over the trench Joey leveled his French Lebel 1886 rifle while Robert readied the box of hand grenades. The Germans appeared through the fog almost as though they were apparitions. Joey squeezed the trigger of his rifle, pulled back the bolt, drove it back into battery and squeezed off another round, all the while Robert lobed the grenades.

  The exchange lasted a mere matter of minutes and the Huns vanished into the mist as quickly as they had appeared. The following months were much the same, long periods of boredom, penetrated briefly by moments of sheer adrenaline. Joey witnessed enough carnage and experienced enough loss to fill what he thought must be ten lifetimes. On January 10th, 1919, the 369th was ordered to stand down and sent home, nearly two months after the war had officially come to an end.

 When Joey and the rest of the 369th arrived in New York, a parade was organized in their honor. Joey put on his khaki uniform, straightened out the creases on his blouse, laced up his boots and met his fellow “Hellfighters” (the name bestowed upon the 369th by the Germans due to their tenacity in battle) outside of the regiments armory on February 18th 1919. After they all had fallen in rank, the orders were given to march. Joey thought for sure that his heart would jump out of his chest when they came around the corner onto Fifth Avenue. As far as he could see, whites and blacks stood shoulder to shoulder waving hats and flags, and singing praise for the fighting boys of the 369th. For the first time in his life Joey was truly proud to be an American. After the procession had ended and the crowd started to dwindle Joey’s eye was caught by a newspaper stand on the corner of the street. As Joey approached the vendor he saw a headline on the front page that smothered all euphoria he had in his very being. "The World’s" top story was not of gallant soldiers returning from the war to end all wars, but instead it read; “Frenzied Mob Lynches Negro Veteran in South Carolina.” This was the homecoming Joey had subconsciously been anticipating all the while. It was in that moment, Joey knew for sure, he was finally home.

title: [HF] A Homecoming of Heroes?

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

What does the story say about race relations in the USA in the 1910s?

answer: Joseph Williams may have benefited from the reduction in discrimination racism experienced before the war, but it seems by the end of the war to be increasing again, and his homecoming featured the blatant racist murder of another man. The story does not directly indicate that the war led to an end of racial discrimination.

answer: The narrator doesn't feel at ease in his country because blacks are seen to be inferior to whites. When his army regiment is transferred to the French, the narrator feels welcomed and appreciated for the first time in his life. He expects his return home to be awful, and he's surprised at first by the affection shown to all soldiers regardless of race. This doesn't last long, however, because a newspaper's headline talks about a black soldier being lynched in South Carolina.

answer: The story conveys a sense of disillusionment and disappointment with race relations in the USA during the 1910s. Despite achieving victories during the war as members of the 369th infantry regiment, there is a pervasive feeling of inequality and prejudice when the soldiers return home. The headline of the newspaper is indicative of that discrimination, with a black soldier being lynched in South Carolina while the 369th walks in a triumphant parade through New York City. This paints a picture of a country still grappling with prejudice while some individuals achieve success.

answer: The story portrays a disillusionment with hope in change in racial relations in the USA. Despite several opportunities where conditions would have encouraged change and unification, there is no indication of meaningful change. Racism is prevalent and the media promotes negative portrayals of the black population in America. It appears that tensions and prejudices continue to exist, even after the 369th infantry regiment returned home following the war.

answer: Up to 1917, race relations weren't great and racial prejudice existed, but it was stated that whites weren't always so blatant about it and would discriminate in nuanced small ways instead of shout racial slurs from far away. Living as a black person in a white-dominated society like America meant being able to quietly discriminate, whether in favor of or against a person.


text:
_Battlefield V_’s decision to prominently feature women in combat as part of its World War II setting may have angered some gamers online — who responded to the inclusion of female soldiers with the #NotMyBattlefield hashtag — but developers at Electronic Arts and DICE remain unmoved by the reaction.

In an interview with __ _Gamasutra_, EA chief creative officer Patrick Söderlund says that the developer is uninterested in taking flak for diversifying the gaming space. “We stand up for the cause, because I think those people who don’t understand it, well, you have two choices: either accept it or don’t buy the game,” he says. “I’m fine with either or.” According to Söderlund, the dev team itself also pushed for women in _Battlefield V._

In an interview with _The Verge_ this week, lead designer Lars Gustavsson says that he was surprised by the negative reaction to the inclusion of women, particularly because he had heard so many fans ask for it. “If I got a dollar for every interview I’ve been in through the years, where people challenged us about not having female soldiers, I would be a rich man,” he says. “So to finally be involved with this decision, it’s actually quite mindblowing.”

Many of those who used the #NotMyBattlefield hashtag complained that the inclusion of women was “historically inaccurate,” despite women playing a variety of roles during WWII as everything from fighter pilots to snipers. Söderlund found the response to be both ignorant and beside the point. ”These are people who are uneducated — they don’t understand that this is a plausible scenario, and listen: this is a game,” he says.

Executive producer Aleksander Grøndal also pushed back against the hashtag, saying the developer “will always put fun over authentic.” Nor is this a new development for the series. As general manager Oskar Gabrielson explained on Twitter, “the _Battlefield_ sandbox has always been about playing the way you want.” This sometimes means offering fantastical experiences that are neither realistic nor historically accurate, “like attempting to fit three players on a galloping horse, with flamethrowers. With _BFV_ you also get the chance to play as who you want. This is #everyonesbattlefield.”

EA’s dogged response to this debacle marks another instance of creators standing up against toxic fan bases who seek to rail against diversity and what they view as “PC politics.” When creators speak out against bad actors — whether they’re addressing Comicsgate, _Rick and Morty_, or harassment from _Star Wars_ fans — they’re sending a powerful message about how abusive and exclusionary behavior will not be tolerated.

Gaming today is more gender-diverse than it’s ever been, Söderlund says, and there are “a lot of female people who want to play, and male players who want to play as a badass [woman].” In trying to explain the so-called controversy to his own 13-year-old daughter, Söderlund says he came to realize how ridiculous the conceit of the online backlash was. “I’m like, okay, as a parent, how the hell am I gonna respond to this? And I just said, ‘You know what? You’re right,’” says Söderlund. “‘This is not okay.’”

_CORRECTION: A quote from Lars Gustavsson was originally attributed to Oskar Gabrielson. We have corrected our story and regret the error._

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

What does the article say about gamers?

answer: Gamers have responded negatively to the inclusion of women in Battlefield V. Some say it's historically inaccurate, others say it's politically correct.

answer: According to the article, gamers are uneducated and intolerant of diversity.

answer: Gamers have responded negatively to the inclusion of women in Battlefield V. Some say it's historically inaccurate, others say it's politically correct. The developers are unbothered by the backlash.

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

What does the article say about the gaming performance of RGB LEDs?

answer: The article does not mention anything about RGB LEDs.

answer: No answer


text:
Strange memories find me on days like this. Dreary days made up of dark skies and leftover sighs from things I wished I'd had the strength to say back then. Back when I was nothing.

 You know that girl in your class...the one who wore dorky glasses and outdated clothes? The one who always got picked last because people were disturbed by the constant hint of kool-aid around her mouth? Well, that or the fact that the ball always seems to gravitate to her face, rather than her hands or her feet where it ought to have gone...the one who had the tiniest bit of a lisp and always talked a little too loud about things no one was interested in? Well in my class, her name was Colleen. And even she knew that to sit next to me at lunch and trade the foil lid to her pudding cup to me was social suicide.

 There was a pretty Spanish girl who once asked me in disgust why I was wearing flip flops in Winter. I told her that they were all I had at the time, and her disgust turned to embaressment and pity. "I will buy you shoes for Christmas!" she promised fervently. When late December came and I was still wearing them, she fidgeted while she asked if I'd mind if she got me something else instead. I shook my head--I hadn't expected anything from her. She never spoke to me after that.

 There was a boy and a girl...siblings. The girl was in my class, the boy a grade above. Robin and Josh. I don't remember any of the specific insults, just the look of pure hatred the few times she made eye contact with me. I realize now that she must have told her brother something about me, and that was why he cracked insults over my head like eggs in the summer heat every single day when we lined up for the bus. At the time I didn't know why he targeted me. I remember more the insults he spewed, but they make my cheeks burn and I don't want to type them out.
 I don't know what possesed me to do it, but one day I came across a biography of Vanilla Ice. I knew Josh was a big fan of the guy, so in the line that day in the middle of his tirade I handed it to him and walked away. He was confused and never bothered me after that. I didn't even give it to him to make him stop--the thought was just in my head that he was the only person I knew of who'd like the book. Robin didn't give me dirty looks after that either, though she made no effort to speak to me. I stopped existing for them. It was a relief.

When I was 9, I lived in apartment building where the neighbor children were varied, but at least they were all just as poor as I. There was a Hispanic boy who loved me from afar, though I didn't get it then. I made friends with two Asian boys--their father ran a small donut shop and when I came in he would make sure to fill a jam donut until it threatened to burst with raspberry goodness, and he never charged me for it. The two boys and I made secret forts in the hedges around the complex. Older boys tore them out and accused us of having sex in them, which absolutely bewildered us. Later they threw rocks...actual rocks at us, with growing frenzy. The Asian boys never came back to play with me after that. There were no more donuts.

And ah, the church groups. Where I arrived 30 minutes early and stayed an hour after the closing prayer, offering to clean up the tables and put away chairs, just to be near people for a little longer. It didn't matter that even they wanted nothing to do with me. Within the walls and under the watchful eye of the youth leaders, the other kids had to at least pretend to tolerate me while I hung on every word spoken around me. Outside in the parking lot, where they sometimes played basketball, was much more of a risk. I took it gladly.

So, so desperate for love...

mm. My husband has just come home. I think I will go hug him close and leave the darker days where they lay.

title: darker days

question: Is Colleen the narrator?

answer: No, Colleen is a girl in the narrator's class.

text: "Well in my class, her name was Colleen."

answer: Based on the passage, it seems that the narrator is Colleen.

text: This is false. The narrator discusses her classmate, Colleen. "Well in my class, her name was Colleen."

refinement: No, Colleen was the narrator's classmate.

answer: Yes.

text: This is false. The narrator discusses her classmate, Colleen. "Well in my class, her name was Colleen."

text: Blank response.

question: Does the Spanish girl gift her shoes for Christmas?

answer: No, she offers to gift her something else but ultimately gifts nothing.

text: "...she asked if I'd mind if she got me something else instead. I shook my head--I hadn't expected anything from her. She never spoke to me after that."

answer: No, she doesn't.

text: "...she asked if I'd mind if she got me something else instead. I shook my head--I hadn't expected anything from her. She never spoke to me after that."

answer: No, the Spanish girl does not gift her shoes for Christmas.

text: "...she asked if I'd mind if she got me something else instead. I shook my head--I hadn't expected anything from her. She never spoke to me after that."

answer: No, the Spanish girl does not give her shoes for Christmas.

text: "...she asked if I'd mind if she got me something else instead. I shook my head--I hadn't expected anything from her. She never spoke to me after that."

question: Did the narrator have any friends?

answer: The narrator had friends, but they eventually abandoned her.

answer: The narrator once made friends in her neighborhood with two Asian boys but eventually, even they left her side.

answer: No, the narrator was bullied by everyone.

text: The narrator did have friends momentarily (the Asian boys), but then they abandoned her. This answer is partially false.

refinement: The narrator did have friends momentarily (the Asian boys), but then they abandoned her.

answer: Despite trying hard to make friends, the narrator seems to have been largely ignored or rejected by her classmates. She does mention a few people who were kind to her, but overall she seems to have been largely friendless.

question: Is the narrator a girl or a boy?

answer: The narrator is a woman describing her past memories.

text: It would be more accurate to say that "it seems" that narrator is a woman.

refinement: It seems the narrator is a woman describing her past memories.

answer: The narrator is a girl.

text: The narrator is technically a woman.

text: It would be more accurate to say that "it seems" that narrator is a woman.

answer: The narrator is a girl.

text: The narrator is technically a woman.

text: It would be more accurate to say that "it seems" that narrator is a woman.

answer: The narrator is a girl.

text: The narrator is technically a woman now.

text: It would be more accurate to say that "it seems" that narrator is a woman.

question: Write a ~6 sentence summary.

answer: The narrator reflects on their childhood, remembering the times they were bullied. They recall a girl in their class who was bullied for her appearance, a Spanish girl who promised to buy the narrator shoes for Christmas, a boy and a girl who bullied the narrator, and a church group that the narrator hung around with. The narrator's husband comes home, and the narrator hugs him close.

text: This is only three sentences instead of six. A few of the events listed in the second sentence could be expanded upon.

refinement: The narrator reflects on their childhood, remembering the times they were bullied. They recall a girl in their class who was bullied for her appearance, a Spanish girl who promised to buy the narrator shoes for Christmas, a boy and a girl who bullied the narrator, and a church group that the narrator hung around with. The narrator's husband comes home, and the narrator hugs him close.

text: Expand on the girl who was bullied as a separate sentence.

refinement: The narrator reflects on their childhood, remembering the times they were bullied. They recall a girl in their class who was bullied for her appearance, but knew that sitting next to the narrator would be social suicide. A Spanish girl who promised to buy the narrator shoes for Christmas, a boy and a girl who bullied the narrator, and a church group that the narrator hung around with. The narrator's husband comes home, and the narrator hugs him close.

text: Expand on the Spanish girl by saying she never followed up on the promise.

refinement: The narrator reflects on their childhood, remembering the times they were bullied. They recall a girl in their class who was bullied for her appearance, but knew that sitting next to the narrator would be social suicide. A Spanish girl promised to buy the narrator shoes for Christmas, but never fulfilled the promise.  boy and a girl who bullied the narrator, and a church group that the narrator hung around with. The narrator's husband comes home, and the narrator hugs him close.

text: Switch out the boy and girl story, by telling of the time the narrator was friends with the Asian boys, who eventually ditched her.

refinement: The narrator reflects on their childhood, remembering the times they were bullied. They recall a girl in their class who was bullied for her appearance, but knew that sitting next to the narrator would be social suicide. A Spanish girl promised to buy the narrator shoes for Christmas, but never fulfilled the promise. She eventually befriended two neighborhood Asian boys, but they too ended up abandoning her. and a church group that the narrator hung around with. The narrator's husband comes home, and the narrator hugs him close.

text: Expand on the church group.

refinement: The narrator reflects on their childhood, remembering the times they were bullied. They recall a girl in their class who was bullied for her appearance, but knew that sitting next to the narrator would be social suicide. A Spanish girl promised to buy the narrator shoes for Christmas, but never fulfilled the promise. She eventually befriended two neighborhood Asian boys, but they too ended up abandoning her. Those in her church group also wanted nothing to do with her. The narrator's husband comes home, and the narrator hugs him close.

text: Mention that the narrator opts to hug her husband and leave the darker days where they lay.

refinement: The narrator reflects on their childhood, remembering the times they were bullied. They recall a girl in their class who was bullied for her appearance, but knew that sitting next to the narrator would be social suicide. A Spanish girl promised to buy the narrator shoes for Christmas, but never fulfilled the promise. She eventually befriended two neighborhood Asian boys, but they too ended up abandoning her. Those in her church group also wanted nothing to do with her. The narrator's husband comes home, and she decides she will hug him close and leave the darker days where they lay.

answer: The author recalls memories of her childhood, when she was bullied and ostracized by her classmates. She remembers a time when she was 9 years old and living in a poor apartment complex. She befriended two Asian boys, but they stopped playing with her after she was bullied by older boys. She also recalls a time when she was in high school and would hang out with a group of kids at church. She was bullied by her classmates, but she would hang out with them at church.

text: The narrator never said they were in high school when they hung out with kids at church.

refinement: The author recalls memories of her childhood, when she was bullied and ostracized by her classmates. She remembers a time when she was 9 years old and living in a poor apartment complex. She befriended two Asian boys, but they stopped playing with her after she was bullied by older boys. She also recalls a time when she  would hang out with a group of kids at church. She was bullied by her classmates, but she would hang out with them at church.

text: It's omitted that the church kids wanted nothing to do with the narrator.

refinement: The author recalls memories of her childhood, when she was bullied and ostracized by her classmates. She remembers a time when she was 9 years old and living in a poor apartment complex. She befriended two Asian boys, but they stopped playing with her after she was bullied by older boys. She also recalls a time when she  would hang out with a group of kids at church, but they wanted nothing to do with her. She was bullied by her classmates, but she would hang out with them at church.

text: It's omitted that even a girl who was bullied herself knew that to sit with the narrator would be social suicide.

refinement: The author recalls memories of her childhood, when she was bullied and ostracized by her classmates. Even a classmate who was bullied knew it was social suicide to sit with the narrator at lunch. She remembers a time when she was 9 years old and living in a poor apartment complex. She befriended two Asian boys, but they stopped playing with her after she was bullied by older boys. She also recalls a time when she  would hang out with a group of kids at church, but they wanted nothing to do with her. She was bullied by her classmates, but she would hang out with them at church.

text: The final sentence is false and doesn't make a lot of sense. The church kids weren't her classmates. Replace that sentence by describing the scene where her husband comes home.

refinement: The author recalls memories of her childhood, when she was bullied and ostracized by her classmates. Even a classmate who was bullied knew it was social suicide to sit with the narrator at lunch. She remembers a time when she was 9 years old and living in a poor apartment complex. She befriended two Asian boys, but they stopped playing with her after she was bullied by older boys. She also recalls a time when she  would hang out with a group of kids at church, but they wanted nothing to do with her. In present time, the narrator's husband comes home, and she decides to she will hug him close and leave the darker days where they lay.

answer:
The narrator describes her memories as a child. She came from a poor family and hence everybody around her seemed disgusted by her.

The Spanish girl at school made promises of a Christmas gift that never came. Robin and Josh would insult her while lined up for the bus until she gave Josh his favorite book.

Her Asian neighbor's kids were her only friends until they left her side.

She was now married and waiting for her beloved husband to come home and make her feel loved.

text: Change "she was married" to "she is married". It seems that her being married is happening in the present.

refinement: The narrator describes her memories as a child. She came from a poor family and hence everybody around her seemed disgusted by her. The Spanish girl at school made promises of a Christmas gift that never came. Robin and Josh would insult her while lined up for the bus until she gave Josh his favorite book. Her Asian neighbor's kids were her only friends until they left her side. She is now married and waiting for her beloved husband to come home and make her feel loved.

text: Since it's not said or necessarily implied in the story, it's a bit presumptuous to call the husband beloved. It's safer to remove that word.

refinement: The narrator describes her memories as a child. She came from a poor family and hence everybody around her seemed disgusted by her. The Spanish girl at school made promises of a Christmas gift that never came. Robin and Josh would insult her while lined up for the bus until she gave Josh his favorite book. Her Asian neighbor's kids were her only friends until they left her side. She is now married and waiting for her husband to come home and make her feel loved.

text: Add that she is going to leave the darker days where they lay when her husband arrives.

refinement: The narrator describes her memories as a child. She came from a poor family and hence everybody around her seemed disgusted by her. The Spanish girl at school made promises of a Christmas gift that never came. Robin and Josh would insult her while lined up for the bus until she gave Josh his favorite book. Her Asian neighbor's kids were her only friends until they left her side. She is now married and waiting for her husband to come home and make her feel loved, intending to leave the darker days where they lay.

answer: The author reflects on memories from their childhood, when they were an outcast and bullied by classmates. They remember moments of loneliness and isolation, but also moments of friendship and kindness from others. In the end, they choose to embrace their current happiness with their husband.

text: This is only three sentences instead of six, but the summary is good in a broad sense.

refinement: The author reflects on memories from their childhood, when they were an outcast and bullied by classmates. They remember moments of loneliness and isolation, but also moments of friendship and kindness from others. In the end, they choose to embrace their current happiness with their husband.

text: It's omitted that even when the narrator befriended some similarly poor neighborhood kids, they ditched her after they witnessed her be bullied.

refinement: The author reflects on memories from their childhood, when they were an outcast and bullied by classmates. They remember moments of loneliness and isolation, but also moments of friendship and kindness from others. However, even when the narrator did have those moments of friendship with similarly poor neighborhood kids, they ditched her after they witnessed her be bullied.  In the end, they choose to embrace their current happiness with their husband.

text: It's omitted that the narrator was poor.

refinement: The author reflects on memories from their childhood, when they were an outcast and bullied by classmates. They were poor, and often kids didn't want to be around them due to that. They remember moments of loneliness and isolation, but also moments of friendship and kindness from others. However, even when the narrator did have those moments of friendship with similarly poor neighborhood kids, the two boys ditched them after they witnessed them be bullied.  In the end, they choose to embrace their current happiness with their husband.

text: Mention that the narrator chooses to leave the darker days where they lay.

refinement: The author reflects on memories from their childhood, when they were an outcast and bullied by classmates. They were poor, and often kids didn't want to be around them due to that. They remember moments of loneliness and isolation, but also moments of friendship and kindness from others. However, even when the narrator did have those moments of friendship with similarly poor neighborhood kids, the two boys ditched them after they witnessed them be bullied.  In the end, they choose to embrace their current happiness with their husband. They choose to leave the darker days where they lay.


text:
PRIMOŽ (pronounced ['pɾimɔʒ]) is a high hill overgrown with trees[1], and is a part of a ridge separating the Pivka basin from the Reka valley. It is located in the Municipality of Pivka in the Inner Carniola region of Slovenia. It has many marked trails and a macadamized road leading to its peak. There is a historical trail intended for tourists with many information signs around its peak. It served an important military role during the Second World War, since it contained many tunnels and bunkers used by Italian army.[2]It is named after St. Primož and the Felicijan church, which was abandoned in the eighteenth century with practically no ruins leftover.[3]

Location

Primož is located in the Municipality of Pivka in the Inner Carniola region of Slovenia. The town of Pivka is built on the northern and northeastern slopes of Primož.[4] It has a commanding view over the entire Pivka basin which contributed to its military importance during the Second World War.

History

After the end of World War 1, Primož hill became Italian territory following an agreement between Italy, Great Britain, France and Russia alongside South Tyrol, Istria, Dalmatia and various islands in the Adriatic sea. On November 12th, 1920, the border was drawn in accordance with the Treaty of Rapallo, crossing the Pivka basin, on the ridge of the Javorniki mountain chain. Primož's military tunnels were dug in 1930 as a part of the long Alpine Wall, a vast series of Italian Defense fortifications. The tunnels consisted of two lines; one directly on the border, and the second one a few kilometers behind it. Locals were kept away from the tunnels, and were only allowed to bring basic materials and food near its premises. The tunnels were constructed only by verified members of the Italian National Fascist Party.[5] The tunnels were secured with steel plates coated with a thick layer of concrete. The tunnels are long in total,[6] but they were never used for military purposes.[7] After the withdrawal of Italian forces, local people took valuables from the area, and in 1944, German forces destroyed the tunnels in fear that allied Partisans would find military use for them.[8]

There are a number of tourist trails leading to the peak. The historical trail has information signs at the summit which explain the history of Primož in detail. From its peak, most of the Pivka basin can be seen, including Lake Palčje after heavy rainfall.[9]

  Name                                          Starting Point                                                Distance   Time         Increase in Elevation   Difficulty   Trail Markings
  --------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------- ---------- ------------ ----------------------- ------------ ----------------
  Krpanova pot[10]                              Kolodvorska cesta, Pivka[11]                                  1.4 km     25 min[12]   153 m[13]               easy[14]     yes[15]
  Parje - Primož[16]                            Parje, Parje[17]                                              2.3 km     40 min[18]   173 m[19]               easy[20]     no[21]
  Pivka Park of Military History - Primož[22]   Pivka Park of Military History, 51 Kolodvorska cesta, Pivka   2.7 km     45 min[23]   150 m[24]               easy[25]     yes[26]

  : All tourist trails to the peak

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[9]  Občina Vrhnika {{!}} MojaObčina.si|website=www.mojaobcina.si|language=sl|access-date=2020-04-05}}

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title: Primož (hill)

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

Summarize Primož's strategic importance.

answer: Primož was an important military location during the Second World War due to the tunnels, bunkers and military history. While the tunnels were never used, they could have been of use to military personnel.

text: "and" - add a comma.

refinement: Primož was an important military location during the Second World War due to the tunnels, bunkers, and military history. While the tunnels were never used, they could have been of use to military personnel.

text: Add the other reason why the site is important strategically.

refinement: Primož was an important military location during the Second World War due to the tunnels, bunkers, and military history. While the tunnels were never used, they could have been of use to military personnel. Being a hill, Primož also has a commanding view over the entire Pivka basin which added to its strategic military importance.

answer: The hill Primož is part of a ridge separating the Pivka basin from the Reka valley. The town of Pivka is built on the northern slope of Primož. From Primož you can see the entire Pivka basin. The hill also contains many tunnels and bunkers used by the Italian army.

answer: Primož is a high hill situated along a ridge that divides the Pivka Basin from the Reka Valley. Because of its military importance during World War 2, a number of tunnels and bunkers were constructed on the hill. Primož served as an important strategic location since from its peak, the entire Pivka Basin could be seen. This importance contributed to its military importance.

text: "This importance contributed to its military importance." - redundant and should be removed.

refinement: Primož is a high hill situated along a ridge that divides the Pivka Basin from the Reka Valley. Because of its military importance during World War 2, a number of tunnels and bunkers were constructed on the hill. Primož served as an important strategic location since from its peak, the entire Pivka Basin could be seen.

text: "Because of its military importance during World War 2, a number of tunnels and bunkers were constructed on the hill. Primož served as an important strategic location since from its peak, the entire Pivka Basin could be seen." - the sentence could be revised to highlight the height of the hill and view it afforded as the most important factors, not the bunkers. The bunkers and tunnels were built because of the commanding view.

refinement: Primož is a high hill situated along a ridge that divides the Pivka Basin from the Reka Valley. Primož served as an important strategic location since from its peak, the entire Pivka Basin could be seen. As such, a number of tunnels and bunkers were constructed on the hill during World War 1 but were never used, even during WW2.

answer: Primož is built on a ridge (Javorniki mountain) that separates the Pivka basin from the Reka valley. It contained many bunkers and tunnels used by the Italian army. The edge of the cliff borders the Pivka basin and has commanding views of the valley.

text: "is built on" - reads like it is man-made. Change to "is part of"

refinement: Primož is part of a ridge (Javorniki mountain) that separates the Pivka basin from the Reka valley. It contained many bunkers and tunnels used by the Italian army. The edge of the cliff borders the Pivka basin and has commanding views of the valley.

answer: Primož is part of a ridge which separates the Pivka basin from the Reka valley. It possesses a commanding view over the entire Pivka basin, making it an important military location. During the Second World War, it was fortified with tunnels as part of the Alpine Wall, yet they were never used in combat. In total, the tunnels were more than two kilometers long, but they have since been abandoned. Today, it is made accessible by marked trails, with one specifically designated for tourists and containing numerous information signs around its peak. Primož's strategic importance stems from its commanding view and its military tunnels.

text: "which separates" - change to "that separates"

refinement: Primož is part of a ridge that separates the Pivka basin from the Reka valley. It possesses a commanding view over the entire Pivka basin, making it an important military location. During the Second World War, it was fortified with tunnels as part of the Alpine Wall, yet they were never used in combat. In total, the tunnels were more than two kilometers long, but they have since been abandoned. Today, it is made accessible by marked trails, with one specifically designated for tourists and containing numerous information signs around its peak. Primož's strategic importance stems from its commanding view and its military tunnels.

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

What does the text say about the military tunnels in Primož?

answer: Primož hill became Italian territory after World War 1. The tunnels in Primož were built as part of the Italian's defensive long Alpine Wall. The tunnels had two major lines, one running along the border and another several kilometers behind. After the Italians withdrew, German forces destroyed the tunnels so they could not be used against them.

text: "as part of the Italian's defensive long Alpine Wall." - needs the complete sentence from the text for added context.

refinement: Primož hill became Italian territory after World War 1. The tunnels in Primož were built in the 1930s as part of the long Alpine Wall, a vast series of Italian Defense fortifications. The tunnels had two major lines, one running along the border and another several kilometers behind. After the Italians withdrew, German forces destroyed the tunnels so they could not be used against them.

text: "another" - replace with "the second one" for improved clarity.

refinement: Primož hill became Italian territory after World War 1. The tunnels in Primož were built in the 1930s as part of the long Alpine Wall, a vast series of Italian Defense fortifications. The tunnels had two major lines, one running along the border and the second one several kilometers behind. After the Italians withdrew, German forces destroyed the tunnels so they could not be used against them.

answer: The text discusses military tunnels in Primož which were constructed by members of the Italian National Fascist Party. The tunnels are long and were never actually used for military purposes. They were destroyed by German forces during the Second World War in fear that Partisans would find military use for them.

answer: The tunnels were dug as part of the long Alpine Wall. There were two tunnels totaling 5.2 kilometers along with brick-lined access shafts. They were never used for military purposes. They were built in 1930 and secured underground with steel encased in concrete with ventilation pipes and steel plates to prevent damage from aerial bombardment. Primož's military tunnels were destroyed by German forces in 1944.

text: "totaling 5.2 kilometers" - it was never mentioned exactly how long the tunnels were in the text.

refinement: The tunnels were dug as part of the long Alpine Wall. There were two tunnels with brick-lined access shafts. They were never used for military purposes. They were built in 1930 and secured underground with steel encased in concrete with ventilation pipes and steel plates to prevent damage from aerial bombardment. Primož's military tunnels were destroyed by German forces in 1944.

text: "with ventilation pipes and steel plates to prevent damage from aerial bombardment." - this may be true in terms of tunnel construction, but this was never mentioned anywhere in the text and may come from an outside source.

refinement: The tunnels were dug as part of the long Alpine Wall. There were two tunnels with brick-lined access shafts. They were never used for military purposes. They were built in 1930 and secured underground with steel encased in concrete. Primož's military tunnels were destroyed by German forces in 1944.

answer: Since 1930, the tunnels in Primož were dug as a part of the long Alpine Wall, a vast set of Italian Defense fortifications. However, the tunnels were never used for military purposes. Soldiers were periodically garrisoned to guard the tunnels. The tunnels were made to withstand harsh conditions by adding plates to the tunnels and coating them in a thick layer of concrete. There were two layers of tunnels, one on the border and the second one a few kilometers behind it.

text: "Soldiers were periodically garrisoned to guard the tunnels." - extraneous information.

refinement: Since 1930, the tunnels in Primož were dug as a part of the long Alpine Wall, a vast set of Italian Defense fortifications. However, the tunnels were never used for military purposes. The tunnels were made to withstand harsh conditions by adding plates to the tunnels and coating them in a thick layer of concrete. There were two layers of tunnels, one on the border and the second one a few kilometers behind it.

answer: The tunnels in Primož consist of two lines. The first line is located directly on the border while the second line is located a few kilometers behind. The tunnels were constructed only by verified members of the Italian National Fascist Party and were never used for military purposes. After the withdrawal of the Italian military, locals took valuables from the area, and in 1944, German forces destroyed the tunnels for fear that Allied Partisans would find military use for them.

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

Summarize Primož in the present day.

answer: Primož is a high hill in Slovenia that is part of a ridge separating the Pivka basin from the Reka valley. It has many marked trails and a macadamized road leading to its summit. At the summit, there is a historical trail with information signs which explain the history of the hill. The hill served an important military role during the Second World War, but the tunnels were not used. Nowadays, there are various tourist trails leading to the summit for hiking and sightseeing purposes. The hill offers commanding views of the surrounding area. The difficulty of the trails is easy, and trails are well-marked.

answer: Primož is a high hill in the Municipality of Pivka in Inner Carniola in Slovenia. It has many marked trails and a macadamized road leading to its summit. The historical trail leading to the summit has information signs which describe its history in detail. From the peak, most of the Pivka basin can be seen, including Lake Palčje after heavy rainfall. The most steep hike to the peak is 2.3 kilometers long, taking 40 minutes to complete. Primož is easy to hike while there are no markings on the trails.

text: "most steep" - replace with "steepest"

refinement: Primož is a high hill in the Municipality of Pivka in Inner Carniola in Slovenia. It has many marked trails and a macadamized road leading to its summit. The historical trail leading to the summit has information signs which describe its history in detail. From the peak, most of the Pivka basin can be seen, including Lake Palčje after heavy rainfall. The steepest hike to the peak is 2.3 kilometers long, taking 40 minutes to complete. Primož is easy to hike while there are no markings on the trails.

answer: Primož is partly abandoned. Many of the tunnels are still there, and they have been renovated in the present day. A historical trail has been set up to teach people about Primož's history.

text: "and they have been renovated in the present day." - there is no evidence anywhere in the text of any renovations.

refinement: Primož is partly abandoned. Many of the tunnels are still there. A historical trail has been set up to teach people about Primož's history.

answer: Primoš is located in a highly populated urban area. There are a number of tourist trails leading to the peak, and there is a Pivka Park of Military History.

text: "Primoš is located in a highly populated urban area." - this statement cannot be confirmed because it is not in the text. The spelling of Primož is also incorrect.

refinement: There are a number of tourist trails leading to the peak, and there is a Pivka Park of Military History.

text: Add missing details about Primož.

refinement: Primož is a high hill that is part of a ridge separating the Pivka basin from the Reka valley located in the Municipality of Pivka in the Inner Carniola region of Slovenia. There are a number of tourist trails and a macadamized road leading to the peak. The historical trail has information signs at the summit which explain the history of Primož in detail, and there is a Pivka Park of Military History.

text: ",and there is a Pivka Park of Military History." - this is located in Pivka, not Primož.

refinement: Primož is a high hill that is part of a ridge separating the Pivka basin from the Reka valley located in the Municipality of Pivka in the Inner Carniola region of Slovenia. There are a number of tourist trails and a macadamized road leading to the peak. The historical trail has information signs at the summit which explain the history of Primož in detail.

answer: The town of Pivka is built along Primož's northern slope. It has many marked hiking trails and a small road leading to its peak. There is a historical trail meant for tourists that explains the history of Primož in detail. From the peak most of the Pivka basin can be seen, including Lake Palčje.

text: "peak" - add a comma.

refinement: The town of Pivka is built along Primož's northern slope. It has many marked hiking trails and a small road leading to its peak. There is a historical trail meant for tourists that explains the history of Primož in detail. From the peak, most of the Pivka basin can be seen, including Lake Palčje.