text:
_The Wellcome Trust has just posted my science writing prize entry(with minor edits, including a couple added typos). Here’s the unedited original:_

It’s early May. Along with 15 other Oxford biology students, I am in a seminar as part of a course on ecology and conservation. The room is dark and hot, and the last of the afternoon sunlight streams through a narrow gap in the curtains. But all eyes are fixed on Rory Wilson, a professor visiting from Swansea University. “After we’d made the magnets small enough to fit in their bums,” he explains, “the difficult part was figuring out how powerful to make them.”

Curiosity drives people to do strange things. Isaac Newton famously inserted a long needle into his eye socket, carefully noting the effects upon his vision. Charles Darwin covered his billiards table in earthworms and besieged them with tobacco smoke and bassoon music, just to see what would happen. Professor Wilson’s curiosity about penguins is how he ended up with three or four of them in his backyard, magnetically (and accidentally) affixed by their bottoms to a nearby piece of corrugated iron.

I have been obscure; let me explain. Wilson is not a deranged lunatic, he is a biologist who specialises in studying hard-to-observe animals using a variety of bizarre and ingenious devices. It is relatively easy to watch the behaviour of conspicuous, terrestrial animals like buffalos or chimpanzees. However, animals that spend their lives underground, under water or in the air – in other words, most animals – are impractical or impossible to study by conventional means. Sadly, there will probably never be a Jane Goodall of sperm whales. If we are to learn anything at all about what, say, walruses do under water, we must be creative.

This is where Wilson and his colleagues come in. They study animal behaviour through remote observation, by attaching (and, with luck, eventually retrieving) tiny contraptions that record detailed information about an animal’s activities. One such invention is a bit of engineering wizardry called the “Daily Diary.” The Daily Diary is a tiny, 30-gram cylinder that contains, among other gadgets, a triaxial accelerometer – a device that measures and records acceleration along three axes (up, down, and side- to-side). This information encodes animal movement on a fine scale, from the soaring spiral of a vulture catching a thermal to the sudden lunge of a penguin catching a squid.

How do we know that it was, in fact, a squid? Wilson has developed a device called a “beakometer” that consists of a tiny magnet and a transducer; one attached to the lower half of the beak, one to the upper. The transducer responds to the strength of the magnetic field, recording the opening and shutting of the beak. This conveys a surprising amount of information, since activities such as breathing and eating leave unique, identifiable signatures in the data. By analysing the erratic patterns in a spidery line graph you can tell whether a penguin is swallowing a fish or a squid, and even how big the prey is. There is also a parallel device called a “bumometer” – hence Wilson’s backyard R&D with magnetic suppositories.

The bumometer measures not only the obvious bodily function, but also heart rate, body temperature and breathing rate. These enable accurate estimates of energy expenditure, giving us an idea of the energetic cost of particular behaviours. Perhaps surprisingly, it turns out that penguins catch fish fairly effortlessly. They use their natural buoyancy to swoop up at fish from below, as graceful in water as they are ungainly on land. (I have focused here on penguins, Wilson’s specialty, but these devices can be used on virtually any large animal).

What is the point of all this information? Is it merely gratuitous voyeurism? Not at all. It gives us insight into the inner workings of ecological systems that humans activities threaten to disrupt or destroy. The more we know about these ecosystems, the better our understanding of how to minimise our own impact upon them.

However, it is not only the practical applications that matter. At the heart of remote monitoring is a deep curiosity about life on earth; a profound aesthetic appreciation that remains undiminished even after nature has been translated into digital information. At the end of the seminar Professor Wilson shows us an early animation from his next project; a short 3-D film of a leatherback turtle swimming past an enormous seamount. It is a splendid reconstruction, based purely on remote monitoring data and landscape data from Google maps. Ultimately, Wilson’s idea is to weave together these threads of information, creating open-access digital movies of real animals going about their lives in exquisite detail.

It is an amazing prospect, and a rare example of technology bringing us closer to the natural world rather than distancing us from it.

question: What is Rory Wilson's profession

answer: He researches animal behavior

text: Add a period after the sentence.

text: "He researches animal behavior." - is one aspect of what Rory Wilson does, but not his profession. He is a professor and biologist.

refinement: He is a professor and biologist who researches animal behavior.

answer: He is a biologist.

text: Wilson is also a professor.

answer: Professor, however he also studies animals using a variety of devices.

text: He is also a biologist. Rephrase the answer.

refinement: He is a professor and biologist who studies animals using a variety of devices.

question: What does the narrator do?

answer: They are a student in a seminar

text: "They are a student in a seminar" - implies the narrator is more than one person. Change "They are" to "He is" and add a period at the end of the sentence.

text: Add that the narrator is a biology student from Oxford.

refinement: He is an Oxford biology student in a seminar.

text: "He is an Oxford biology student in a seminar." - "in a seminar" is irrelevant based on the question. Can be deleted.

answer: The narrator is a nature and science journalist; writing about the title topic.

text: "The narrator is a nature and science journalist; writing about the title topic." - he most certainly is not. The narrator is an Oxford biology student.

refinement: The narrator is a biology student from Oxford.

answer: The narrator worked at Swansea University and was in attendance at a lecture there by Rory Wilson.

text: "The narrator worked at Swansea University and was in attendance at a lecture there by Rory Wilson." - the narrator is an Oxford biology student, he didn't work at Swansea University, and he attended a lecture at Oxford because it was implied that Rory Wilson was a visiting professor from Swansea.

refinement: The narrator is an Oxford biology student.

question: Where are the "bumometers" placed in the penguins?

answer: The "bumometers" are placed at the bottom of each penguin's beak.

text: "The "bumometers" are placed at the bottom of each penguin's beak." - They are fitted up a penguin's bum, not at the bottom of the beak.

refinement: The "bumometers" are fitted up a penguin's bum, hence the name.

answer: The "bumometers" are placed on the penguins' bottoms, near their beaks.

text: "The "bumometers" are placed on the penguins' bottoms, near their beaks." - "near their beaks" contradicts the first part of the answer and must be deleted.

refinement: The "bumometers" are placed on the penguins' bottoms (bums).

answer: They put them in penguins' butts.

question: How can Wilson tell what prey a penguin has eaten?

answer: Professor Wilson uses a device called a 'beakometer' that consists of a tiny magnet and a transducer; one attached to the lower half of the beak, one to the upper. By analysing data from these devices, Wilson can tell what the penguin is eating based on the opening and shutting of the penguin's beak.

text: Change spelling: "analysing" to "analyzing"

refinement: Professor Wilson uses a device called a 'beakometer' that consists of a tiny magnet and a transducer; one attached to the lower half of the beak, one to the upper. By analyzing data from these devices, Wilson can tell what the penguin is eating based on the opening and shutting of the penguin's beak.

answer: He has a device in the penguin's beak

text: Add a period at the end of the sentence.

text: "He has a device in the penguin's beak." - indicate which device this is and how it works.

refinement: Professor Wilson uses a device called a 'beakometer' attached to the upper and lower half of the penguin's beak. The 'beakometer' consists of a tiny magnet and a transducer that relays data about the opening and shutting of the beak. By analyzing data from these devices, Wilson can tell what the penguin is eating.

answer: By analyzing the movements it makes while eating, he is able to determine what type of prey the penguin is eating. The movements are recorded using specially-designed instruments that record accelerations along three different axes.

text: "By analyzing the movements it makes while eating," - must indicate what body part Wilson is trying to analyze and what device is used.

refinement: By analyzing the movements of the penguin's beak while eating using a 'beakometer', he is able to determine what type of prey the penguin is eating. The movements are recorded using specially-designed instruments that record accelerations along three different axes.

text: "he is able to" - change "he" to "Wilson" for better clarity.

refinement: By analyzing the movements of the penguin's beak while eating using a 'beakometer', Wilson is able to determine what type of prey the penguin is eating. The movements are recorded using specially-designed instruments that record accelerations along three different axes.

text: "The movements are recorded using specially-designed instruments that record accelerations along three different axes." - this device describes the 'Daily Diary', not the 'beakometer'. A complete overhaul is needed.

refinement: By analyzing the movements of the penguin's beak while eating using a 'beakometer', Wilson is able to determine what type of prey the penguin is eating. The 'beakometer' consists of a tiny magnet and a transducer; one attached to the lower half of the beak, one to the upper. The transducer responds to the strength of the magnetic field, recording the opening and shutting of the beak.

question: Write a ~3 sentence summary.

answer: It is early May and Rory Wilson is speaking on a number of projects of his where he is attaching tiny recording devices on predators to figure out what they are doing and how they are doing it in the habitats of their prey. Some of the recordings Wilson is doing include watching walruses glide unnaturally, a vulture spiral down and up again to get just the right thermals to soar, and a penguin squirting a fish they caught. One project, the Daily Diary, is a small cylinder about the size of a cell phone that records acceleration along three axes which is put on animals and records movements. Another project, the beakometer, a tiny, magnetic transmitter is put on the beak of the animal and records opening and shutting of the beak where it eats what it last ate. The bumometer has a smaller transmitter placed on the nose of the animal that records a bunch of other data about the animal. The point is to put the animal back in their natural habitat and observe it without altering the normal and process it free of distractions and disturbance. The ultimate project is to make observations of the life of an animal and create a digital movie of it using remote monitoring technologies.

text: Went over the 3-sentence summary limit. (Refinement TBD)

refinement: It is early May and Rory Wilson is speaking on a number of projects of his where he is attaching tiny recording devices on predators to figure out what they are doing and how they are doing it in the habitats of their prey. Some of the recordings Wilson is doing include watching walruses glide unnaturally, a vulture spiral down and up again to get just the right thermals to soar, and a penguin squirting a fish they caught. One project, the Daily Diary, is a small cylinder about the size of a cell phone that records acceleration along three axes which is put on animals and records movements. Another project, the beakometer, a tiny, magnetic transmitter is put on the beak of the animal and records opening and shutting of the beak where it eats what it last ate. The bumometer has a smaller transmitter placed on the nose of the animal that records a bunch of other data about the animal. The point is to put the animal back in their natural habitat and observe it without altering the normal and process it free of distractions and disturbance. The ultimate project is to make observations of the life of an animal and create a digital movie of it using remote monitoring technologies.

text: "records opening and shutting" - add "the" before "opening"

refinement: It is early May and Rory Wilson is speaking on a number of projects of his where he is attaching tiny recording devices on predators to figure out what they are doing and how they are doing it in the habitats of their prey. Some of the recordings Wilson is doing include watching walruses glide unnaturally, a vulture spiral down and up again to get just the right thermals to soar, and a penguin squirting a fish they caught. One project, the Daily Diary, is a small cylinder about the size of a cell phone that records acceleration along three axes which is put on animals and records movements. Another project, the beakometer, a tiny, magnetic transmitter is put on the beak of the animal and records the opening and shutting of the beak where it eats what it last ate. The bumometer has a smaller transmitter placed on the nose of the animal that records a bunch of other data about the animal. The point is to put the animal back in their natural habitat and observe it without altering the normal and process it free of distractions and disturbance. The ultimate project is to make observations of the life of an animal and create a digital movie of it using remote monitoring technologies.

text: "put the animal back in their natural habitat" - change the pronoun "their" to "its"

refinement: It is early May and Rory Wilson is speaking on a number of projects of his where he is attaching tiny recording devices on predators to figure out what they are doing and how they are doing it in the habitats of their prey. Some of the recordings Wilson is doing include watching walruses glide unnaturally, a vulture spiral down and up again to get just the right thermals to soar, and a penguin squirting a fish they caught. One project, the Daily Diary, is a small cylinder about the size of a cell phone that records acceleration along three axes which is put on animals and records movements. Another project, the beakometer, a tiny, magnetic transmitter is put on the beak of the animal and records the opening and shutting of the beak where it eats what it last ate. The bumometer has a smaller transmitter placed on the nose of the animal that records a bunch of other data about the animal. The point is to put the animal back in its natural habitat and observe it without altering the normal and process it free of distractions and disturbance. The ultimate project is to make observations of the life of an animal and create a digital movie of it using remote monitoring technologies.

text: "attaching tiny recording devices on predators" - Wilson attaches devices to hard-to-observe animals, not just predators.

refinement: It is early May and Rory Wilson is speaking on a number of projects of his where he is attaching tiny recording devices to hard-to-observe animals to figure out what they are doing and how they are doing it in their habitats. Some of the recordings Wilson is doing include watching walruses glide unnaturally, a vulture spiral down and up again to get just the right thermals to soar, and a penguin squirting a fish they caught. One project, the Daily Diary, is a small cylinder about the size of a cell phone that records acceleration along three axes which is put on animals and records movements. Another project, the beakometer, a tiny, magnetic transmitter is put on the beak of the animal and records the opening and shutting of the beak where it eats what it last ate. The bumometer has a smaller transmitter placed on the nose of the animal that records a bunch of other data about the animal. The point is to put the animal back in its natural habitat and observe it without altering the normal and process it free of distractions and disturbance. The ultimate project is to make observations of the life of an animal and create a digital movie of it using remote monitoring technologies.

text: "Some of the recordings Wilson is doing include watching walruses glide unnaturally, a vulture spiral down and up again to get just the right thermals to soar, and a penguin squirting a fish they caught." - these were only used as examples and should not be included.

refinement: It is early May and Rory Wilson is speaking on a number of projects of his where he is attaching tiny recording devices to hard-to-observe animals to figure out what they are doing and how they are doing it in their habitats. One project, the Daily Diary, is a small cylinder about the size of a cell phone that records acceleration along three axes which is put on animals and records movements. Another project, the beakometer, a tiny, magnetic transmitter is put on the beak of the animal and records the opening and shutting of the beak where it eats what it last ate. The bumometer has a smaller transmitter placed on the nose of the animal that records a bunch of other data about the animal. The point is to put the animal back in its natural habitat and observe it without altering the normal and process it free of distractions and disturbance. The ultimate project is to make observations of the life of an animal and create a digital movie of it using remote monitoring technologies.

text: "is a small cylinder about the size of a cell phone that records" - it's not the size of a cell phone. It's tiny and only weighs 30 grams. Replace "records" with "measures"

refinement: It is early May and Rory Wilson is speaking on a number of projects of his where he is attaching tiny recording devices to hard-to-observe animals to figure out what they are doing and how they are doing it in their habitats. One project, the Daily Diary, is a tiny, 30-gram cylinder that measures acceleration along three axes which is put on animals and records movements. Another project, the beakometer, a tiny, magnetic transmitter is put on the beak of the animal and records the opening and shutting of the beak where it eats what it last ate. The bumometer has a smaller transmitter placed on the nose of the animal that records a bunch of other data about the animal. The point is to put the animal back in its natural habitat and observe it without altering the normal and process it free of distractions and disturbance. The ultimate project is to make observations of the life of an animal and create a digital movie of it using remote monitoring technologies.

text: "and records movements." - revise this section

refinement: It is early May and Rory Wilson is speaking on a number of projects of his where he is attaching tiny recording devices to hard-to-observe animals to figure out what they are doing and how they are doing it in their habitats. One project, the Daily Diary, is a tiny, 30-gram cylinder that measures acceleration along three axes which is put on animals to record their movement. Another project, the beakometer, a tiny, magnetic transmitter is put on the beak of the animal and records the opening and shutting of the beak where it eats what it last ate. The bumometer has a smaller transmitter placed on the nose of the animal that records a bunch of other data about the animal. The point is to put the animal back in its natural habitat and observe it without altering the normal and process it free of distractions and disturbance. The ultimate project is to make observations of the life of an animal and create a digital movie of it using remote monitoring technologies.

text: "put on the beak" - replace with "put on the upper and lower half of the beak"

refinement: It is early May and Rory Wilson is speaking on a number of projects of his where he is attaching tiny recording devices to hard-to-observe animals to figure out what they are doing and how they are doing it in their habitats. One project, the Daily Diary, is a tiny, 30-gram cylinder that measures acceleration along three axes which is put on animals to record their movement. Another project, the beakometer, a tiny, magnetic transmitter is put on the upper and lower half of the beak of the animal and records the opening and shutting of the beak where it eats what it last ate. The bumometer has a smaller transmitter placed on the nose of the animal that records a bunch of other data about the animal. The point is to put the animal back in its natural habitat and observe it without altering the normal and process it free of distractions and disturbance. The ultimate project is to make observations of the life of an animal and create a digital movie of it using remote monitoring technologies.

text: "and records the opening and shutting of the beak where it eats what it last ate." - this line doesn't make sense. Revision needed.

refinement: It is early May and Rory Wilson is speaking on a number of projects of his where he is attaching tiny recording devices to hard-to-observe animals to figure out what they are doing and how they are doing it in their habitats. One project, the Daily Diary, is a tiny, 30-gram cylinder that measures acceleration along three axes which is put on animals to record their movement. Another project, the beakometer, a tiny, magnetic transmitter is put on the upper and lower half of the beak of the animal. The transducer responds to the strength of the magnetic field, recording the opening and shutting of the beak. The bumometer has a smaller transmitter placed on the nose of the animal that records a bunch of other data about the animal. The point is to put the animal back in its natural habitat and observe it without altering the normal and process it free of distractions and disturbance. The ultimate project is to make observations of the life of an animal and create a digital movie of it using remote monitoring technologies.

text: "a tiny, magnetic transmitter" - was not the term used in the passage. Replace with " consists of a tiny magnet and a transducer" for better accuracy.

refinement: It is early May and Rory Wilson is speaking on a number of projects of his where he is attaching tiny recording devices to hard-to-observe animals to figure out what they are doing and how they are doing it in their habitats. One project, the Daily Diary, is a tiny, 30-gram cylinder that measures acceleration along three axes which is put on animals to record their movement. Another project, the beakometer, consists of a tiny magnet and a transducer is put on the upper and lower half of the beak of the animal. The transducer responds to the strength of the magnetic field, recording the opening and shutting of the beak. The bumometer has a smaller transmitter placed on the nose of the animal that records a bunch of other data about the animal. The point is to put the animal back in its natural habitat and observe it without altering the normal and process it free of distractions and disturbance. The ultimate project is to make observations of the life of an animal and create a digital movie of it using remote monitoring technologies.

text: "is put on the upper and lower half of the beak of the animal." - replace with "wherein one is attached to the upper half and one to the lower half of the animal's beak" for better clarity.

refinement: It is early May and Rory Wilson is speaking on a number of projects of his where he is attaching tiny recording devices to hard-to-observe animals to figure out what they are doing and how they are doing it in their habitats. One project, the Daily Diary, is a tiny, 30-gram cylinder that measures acceleration along three axes which is put on animals to record their movement. Another project, the beakometer, consists of a tiny magnet and a transducer wherein one is attached to the upper half and one to the lower half of the animal's beak. The transducer responds to the strength of the magnetic field, recording the opening and shutting of the beak. The bumometer has a smaller transmitter placed on the nose of the animal that records a bunch of other data about the animal. The point is to put the animal back in its natural habitat and observe it without altering the normal and process it free of distractions and disturbance. The ultimate project is to make observations of the life of an animal and create a digital movie of it using remote monitoring technologies.

text: "placed on the nose of the animal" - the 'bumometer' is placed on the bum of the animal.

refinement: It is early May and Rory Wilson is speaking on a number of projects of his where he is attaching tiny recording devices to hard-to-observe animals to figure out what they are doing and how they are doing it in their habitats. One project, the Daily Diary, is a tiny, 30-gram cylinder that measures acceleration along three axes which is put on animals to record their movement. Another project, the beakometer, consists of a tiny magnet and a transducer wherein one is attached to the upper half and one to the lower half of the animal's beak. The transducer responds to the strength of the magnetic field, recording the opening and shutting of the beak. The bumometer has a smaller transmitter placed on the bum of the animal that records a bunch of other data about the animal. The point is to put the animal back in its natural habitat and observe it without altering the normal and process it free of distractions and disturbance. The ultimate project is to make observations of the life of an animal and create a digital movie of it using remote monitoring technologies.

text: Went over the 3-sentence summary limit. Remove: "The point is to put the animal back in its natural habitat and observe it without altering the normal and process it free of distractions and disturbance. The ultimate project is to make observations of the life of an animal and create a digital movie of it using remote monitoring technologies."

refinement: It is early May and Rory Wilson is speaking on a number of projects of his where he is attaching tiny recording devices to hard-to-observe animals to figure out what they are doing and how they are doing it in their habitats. One project, the Daily Diary, is a tiny, 30-gram cylinder that measures acceleration along three axes which is put on animals to record their movement. Another project, the beakometer, consists of a tiny magnet and a transducer wherein one is attached to the upper half and one to the lower half of the animal's beak. The transducer responds to the strength of the magnetic field, recording the opening and shutting of the beak. The bumometer has a smaller transmitter placed on the bum of the animal that records a bunch of other data about the animal.

answer:
How would you describe the passage?

The author has written about a biologist from Swansea University who has designed devices which can help humans study animals that cannot be studied naturally, and how Winston's curiosity initiated the research. One of Rory's inventions is a small cylinder called the Daily Diary which can contain a triaxial accelerometer which measures the animal's movement on a fine scale. There are also similar devices like the Beakometer and the Bumometer which can be used for collecting data that relates to behaviors on of the animal in question. Lastly, there is a short 3-D animation showing the evolution project that Rory is working on and how great of an application the drones are.

text: "How would you describe the passage?" - not sure what this is about. Can be deleted to make space for the 3-sentence requirement.

refinement: The author has written about a biologist from Swansea University who has designed devices which can help humans study animals that cannot be studied naturally, and how Winston's curiosity initiated the research. One of Rory's inventions is a small cylinder called the Daily Diary which can contain a triaxial accelerometer which measures the animal's movement on a fine scale. There are also similar devices like the Beakometer and the Bumometer which can be used for collecting data that relates to behaviors on of the animal in question. Lastly, there is a short 3-D animation showing the evolution project that Rory is working on and how great of an application the drones are.

text: "The author has written about" - change to "The article is about"

refinement: The article is about a biologist from Swansea University who has designed devices which can help humans study animals that cannot be studied naturally, and how Winston's curiosity initiated the research. One of Rory's inventions is a small cylinder called the Daily Diary which can contain a triaxial accelerometer which measures the animal's movement on a fine scale. There are also similar devices like the Beakometer and the Bumometer which can be used for collecting data that relates to behaviors on of the animal in question. Lastly, there is a short 3-D animation showing the evolution project that Rory is working on and how great of an application the drones are.

text: "a biologist from Swansea University" - should use Wilson's full name and job title here because the information is widespread in the article.

refinement: The article is about Professor Rory Wilson, a biologist from Swansea University who has designed devices which can help humans study animals that cannot be studied naturally, and how Winston's curiosity initiated the research. One of Rory's inventions is a small cylinder called the Daily Diary which can contain a triaxial accelerometer which measures the animal's movement on a fine scale. There are also similar devices like the Beakometer and the Bumometer which can be used for collecting data that relates to behaviors on of the animal in question. Lastly, there is a short 3-D animation showing the evolution project that Rory is working on and how great of an application the drones are.

text: "designed devices which can help" - change the pronoun "which" to "that"

refinement: The article is about Professor Rory Wilson, a biologist from Swansea University who has designed devices that can help humans study animals that cannot be studied naturally, and how Winston's curiosity initiated the research. One of Rory's inventions is a small cylinder called the Daily Diary which can contain a triaxial accelerometer which measures the animal's movement on a fine scale. There are also similar devices like the Beakometer and the Bumometer which can be used for collecting data that relates to behaviors on of the animal in question. Lastly, there is a short 3-D animation showing the evolution project that Rory is working on and how great of an application the drones are.

text: "a triaxial accelerometer which measures " - change the pronoun "which" to "that"

refinement: The article is about Professor Rory Wilson, a biologist from Swansea University who has designed devices that can help humans study animals that cannot be studied naturally, and how Winston's curiosity initiated the research. One of Rory's inventions is a small cylinder called the Daily Diary which can contain a triaxial accelerometer that measures the animal's movement on a fine scale. There are also similar devices like the Beakometer and the Bumometer which can be used for collecting data that relates to behaviors on of the animal in question. Lastly, there is a short 3-D animation showing the evolution project that Rory is working on and how great of an application the drones are.

text: "data that relates to behaviors on of the animal" - add "the" before "behaviors" and delete "on"

refinement: The article is about Professor Rory Wilson, a biologist from Swansea University who has designed devices that can help humans study animals that cannot be studied naturally, and how Winston's curiosity initiated the research. One of Rory's inventions is a small cylinder called the Daily Diary which can contain a triaxial accelerometer that measures the animal's movement on a fine scale. There are also similar devices like the Beakometer and the Bumometer which can be used for collecting data that relates to the behaviors of the animal in question. Lastly, there is a short 3-D animation showing the evolution project that Rory is working on and how great of an application the drones are.

text: "Winston's" - wrong last name. Use "Wilson's"

refinement: The article is about Professor Rory Wilson, a biologist from Swansea University who has designed devices that can help humans study animals that cannot be studied naturally, and how Wilson's curiosity initiated the research. One of Rory's inventions is a small cylinder called the Daily Diary which can contain a triaxial accelerometer that measures the animal's movement on a fine scale. There are also similar devices like the Beakometer and the Bumometer which can be used for collecting data that relates to the behaviors of the animal in question. Lastly, there is a short 3-D animation showing the evolution project that Rory is working on and how great of an application the drones are.

text: "Lastly, there is a short 3-D animation showing the evolution project that Rory is working on and how great of an application the drones are." - can be deleted to comply with the 3-sentence requirement.

refinement: The article is about Professor Rory Wilson, a biologist from Swansea University who has designed devices that can help humans study animals that cannot be studied naturally, and how Wilson's curiosity initiated the research. One of Rory's inventions is a small cylinder called the Daily Diary which can contain a triaxial accelerometer that measures the animal's movement on a fine scale. There are also similar devices like the Beakometer and the Bumometer which can be used for collecting data that relates to the behaviors of the animal in question.

answer: Rory Wilson specializes in seeing hard-to-observe animals by using a variety of devices such as the Daily Diary and beakometer to study various parameters such as beak strength. Animals are inaccessible when they spend most of their time underwater or underground which is why he find ways to study them remotely. The results yield valuable information which help us better understand the needs of ecological systems threatened by human activities. In the hopes of a better connection between technology and nature, Wilson is working on a project where hidden information about animal lives are compiled into digital open-access movies.

text: "he find" - add an "s" after "finds"

refinement: Rory Wilson specializes in seeing hard-to-observe animals by using a variety of devices such as the Daily Diary and beakometer to study various parameters such as beak strength. Animals are inaccessible when they spend most of their time underwater or underground which is why he finds ways to study them remotely. The results yield valuable information which help us better understand the needs of ecological systems threatened by human activities. In the hopes of a better connection between technology and nature, Wilson is working on a project where hidden information about animal lives are compiled into digital open-access movies.

text: "which help us" - change "help" to "helps"

refinement: Rory Wilson specializes in seeing hard-to-observe animals by using a variety of devices such as the Daily Diary and beakometer to study various parameters such as beak strength. Animals are inaccessible when they spend most of their time underwater or underground which is why he finds ways to study them remotely. The results yield valuable information which helps us better understand the needs of ecological systems threatened by human activities. In the hopes of a better connection between technology and nature, Wilson is working on a project where hidden information about animal lives are compiled into digital open-access movies.

text: "lives are compiled" - fix subject-verb-agreement and change "are" to "is"

refinement: Rory Wilson specializes in seeing hard-to-observe animals by using a variety of devices such as the Daily Diary and beakometer to study various parameters such as beak strength. Animals are inaccessible when they spend most of their time underwater or underground which is why he finds ways to study them remotely. The results yield valuable information which helps us better understand the needs of ecological systems threatened by human activities. In the hopes of a better connection between technology and nature, Wilson is working on a project where hidden information about animal lives is compiled into digital open-access movies.

text: "In the hopes of a better connection between technology and nature, Wilson is working on a project where hidden information about animal lives is compiled into digital open-access movies. - this section goes over the 3-sentence limit. Can be removed.

refinement: Rory Wilson specializes in seeing hard-to-observe animals by using a variety of devices such as the Daily Diary and beakometer to study various parameters such as beak strength. Animals are inaccessible when they spend most of their time underwater or underground which is why he finds ways to study them remotely. The results yield valuable information which helps us better understand the needs of ecological systems threatened by human activities. In the hopes of a better connection between technology and nature, Wilson is working on a project where hidden information about animal lives is compiled into digital open-access movies.

answer: This article discusses using remote monitoring technology to study animal behavior and ecology, specifically in order to better understand human impact on the world from an ecological perspective.

text: Failed to meet 3-sentence requirement and lacks any details about who the article is all about.

refinement: This article discusses using remote monitoring technology to study animal behavior and ecology, specifically in order to better understand human impact on the world from an ecological perspective. The author talks about Professor Rory Wilson, a biologist who specializes in studying hard-to-observe animals using a variety of bizarre and ingenious devices. Some of the devices Wilson uses are the 'Dairy Diary', the 'Beakometer' and the 'Bumometer'.

answer: The author writes about an ecology professor and how he uses technology to go about studying animal behaviors. This helps to create a better understanding of animal ecosystems but the greater goal is to help prevent humans from disrupting these ecosystems. One example of this is by using the imagination to create art and films of animal life.

text: "The author writes about an ecology professor and how he uses technology to go about studying animal behaviors." - this should contain the full name and title of the person being discussed (Rory Wilson) because that information is readily available. Revise the whole section.

refinement: The author writes about ecology professor Rory Wilson, a biologist who uses unorthodox technology to study animal behavior. This helps to create a better understanding of animal ecosystems but the greater goal is to help prevent humans from disrupting these ecosystems. One example of this is by using the imagination to create art and films of animal life.

text: "This helps to create" - unclear what "this" is pertaining to. Change it to "Wilson's ingenious methods"

refinement: The author writes about ecology professor Rory Wilson, a biologist who uses unorthodox technology to study animal behavior. Wilson's ingenious methods helps to create a better understanding of animal ecosystems but the greater goal is to help prevent humans from disrupting these ecosystems. One example of this is by using the imagination to create art and films of animal life.

text: "helps to create" - remove the "s" in "helps"

refinement: The author writes about ecology professor Rory Wilson, a biologist who uses unorthodox technology to study animal behavior. Wilson's ingenious methods help to create a better understanding of animal ecosystems but the greater goal is to help prevent humans from disrupting these ecosystems. One example of this is by using the imagination to create art and films of animal life.

text: "One example of this is by using the imagination to create art and films of animal life." - there was never any mention of creating art anywhere in the passage. Revise it to 3-D film and mention that it is one of Wilson's projects.

refinement: The author writes about ecology professor Rory Wilson, a biologist who uses unorthodox technology to study animal behavior. Wilson's ingenious methods help to create a better understanding of animal ecosystems but the greater goal is to help prevent humans from disrupting these ecosystems. One of Wilson's future projects is creating open-access digital movies of real animals going about their lives in exquisite detail.

answer: In this short story, a student describes different devices designed by his professor to study animal behavior. Rory Wilson researches penguins and sea turtles and hopes to create videos for people to watch. The narrator also describes the goals and past studies conducted by animal researchers.

text: "In this short story, a student describes different devices designed by his professor" - Mention who the student's professor is.

refinement: In this short story, a student describes different devices designed by his professor, Rory Wilson, to study animal behavior. Rory Wilson researches penguins and sea turtles and hopes to create videos for people to watch. The narrator also describes the goals and past studies conducted by animal researchers.

text: "Rory Wilson researches" - remove "Rory"

refinement: In this short story, a student describes different devices designed by his professor, Rory Wilson, to study animal behavior. Wilson researches penguins and sea turtles and hopes to create videos for people to watch. The narrator also describes the goals and past studies conducted by animal researchers.

text: "the goals and past studies conducted by animal researchers" - no other past studies conducted by animal researchers were mentioned in the passage. Needs revision.

refinement: In this short story, a student describes different devices designed by his professor, Rory Wilson, to study animal behavior. Wilson researches penguins and sea turtles and hopes to create videos for people to watch. The narrator finds Wilson's work an amazing example of technology bringing humans closer to the natural world rather than distancing them from it.


split: train

text:
LOWER METTUR HYDROELECTRIC PROJECT is a hydropower generation project in the South Indian state of Tamil Nadu. It is a 120MW power generation project constructed across the Kaveri River. The project area is in the downstream of Mettur Dam, hence it derives the name. This project consists of four power plants which are located between Mettur in Salem district and Bhavani, Erode. This power generation project is owned by Government of Tamil Nadu and operated by TANGEDCO.[1]

Power Plants

This project involves a series of power plants each with Barrage type Dam, constructed across the River Kaveri to divert the stream to where the power house is located. It consists of four Barrages each of which receives water current in a serial manner.[2]

-   POWER PLANT-I : Named as Chekkanur Barrage with Hydroelectric power generation capacity of 30MW. This Barrage has one powerhouse and two turbine units, each of 15MW production capacity.
-   POWER PLANT-II : Named as Nerinjipettai Barrage with Hydroelectric power generation capacity of 30MW. This Barrage has one powerhouse on the western banks of the river and two turbines, each of 15MW Capacity.
-   POWER PLANT-III : Named as Kuthiraikkalmedu Barrage with Hydroelectric power generation capacity of 30MW. This Barrage has one powerhouse on the western banks of the river and two turbines, each of 15MW Capacity.
-   POWER PLANT-IV : Named as Urachikottai Barrage with Hydroelectric power generation capacity of 30MW. This Barrage has one powerhouse on the western banks of the river and two turbines, each of 15MW Capacity.

[1]

[2]

title: Lower Mettur Hydroelectric Project

question: Where is the project?

answer: The project is in the South Indian state of Tamil Nadu.

text: It is omitted that the project is downstream of Mettur Dam.

refinement: The project is in the South Indian state of Tamil Nadu, downstream of Mettur Dam.

answer: The Lower Mettur Hydroelectric Project is located in the state of Tamil Nadu, India. It is downstream of the Mettur Dam.

answer: The project is located in the downstream of Mettur Dam, hence it derives the name.

text: It is omitted that the project is in Tamil Nadu.

refinement: The project is located in the downstream of Mettur Dam, in the southern Indian state of Tamil Nadu and hence it derives the name.

text: Incorrect use of prepositions and adjectives - "is located in the downstream."

refinement: The project is located downstream of Mettur Dam, in the southern Indian state of Tamil Nadu and hence it derives the name.

answer: In the South Indian state of Tamil Nadu

text: It is omitted that the project is downstream of Mettur Dam.

refinement: In the South Indian state of Tamil Nadu, downstream of Mettur Dam.

question: What is the power generation capacity of the project?

answer: 120MW

answer: 120MW

answer: The Lower Mettur Hydroelectric Project has a total power generation capacity of 120MW. This is generated from four power plants, each with a capacity of 30MW.

answer: The power generation capacity of the project is 120MW.

question: How many power plants does the project consist of?

answer: The Lower Mettur Hydroelectric Project consists of four power plants.

answer: The project consists of four power plants.

answer: 4

answer: The project consists of four power plants.

question: Who owns the project?

answer: The Government of Tamil Nadu.

answer: The Lower Mettur Hydroelectric Project is owned by the Government of Tamil Nadu.

answer: The project is owned by the Government of Tamil Nadu.

answer: The Government of Tamil Nadu

question: Write a ~3 sentence summary.

answer: The Lower Mettur Hydroelectric Project is a hydropower generation project in the South Indian state of Tamil Nadu. It is a 120MW power generation project constructed across the Kaveri River. The project area is in the downstream of Mettur Dam, hence it derives the name. This project consists of four power plants which are located between Mettur in Salem district and Bhavani, Erode. This power generation project is owned by Government of Tamil Nadu and operated by TANGEDCO.

text: "which are located between Mettur in Salem district and Bhavani, Erode." can be omitted.

refinement: The Lower Mettur Hydroelectric Project is a hydropower generation project in the South Indian state of Tamil Nadu. It is a 120MW power generation project constructed across the Kaveri River. The project area is in the downstream of Mettur Dam, hence it derives the name. This project consists of four power plants. This power generation project is owned by Government of Tamil Nadu and operated by TANGEDCO.

text: Incorrect use of preposition and adjective - "is in the downstream of Mettur Dam."

refinement: The Lower Mettur Hydroelectric Project is a hydropower generation project in the South Indian state of Tamil Nadu. It is a 120MW power generation project constructed across the Kaveri River. The project area is downstream of Mettur Dam, hence it derives the name. This project consists of four power plants. This power generation project is owned by Government of Tamil Nadu and operated by TANGEDCO.

answer: The Lower Mettur Hydroelectric Project is a hydropower generation project in the South Indian state of Tamil Nadu. It is a 120MW power generation project constructed across the Kaveri River. The project area is in the downstream of Mettur Dam, hence it derives the name.

text: It is omitted that the project consists of four power plants.

refinement: The Lower Mettur Hydroelectric Project is a hydropower generation project in the South Indian state of Tamil Nadu. It is a 120MW power generation project which consists of four power plants and is constructed across the Kaveri River. The project area is in the downstream of Mettur Dam, hence it derives the name.

answer: The Lower Mettur Hydroelectric Project is a hydropower generation project in the South Indian state of Tamil Nadu. It has a power generation capacity of 120MW and consists of 4 power plants. The project is owned by the Government of Tamil Nadu and operated by TANGEDCO.

answer: The Lower Mettur Hydroelectric Project is a 120MW hydropower generation project located in Tamil Nadu. It consists of four power plants, each with a barrage-type dam that diverts water to the power house. Each plant has a production capacity of 30MW.


text:
The CHURCH OF NOSSA SENHORA DO ROSÁRIO () is an 18th-century church located in the civil parish of Lajes in the municipality of Lajes das Flores, in the Portuguese island of Flores, in the archipelago of the Azores.

History

[The imposing three-storey facade of the church, with its double bell towers] In 1515, Lajes was elevated to the status of town.[1]

Sometime in the 16th century, the Hermitage of Espírito Santo (_Divine Holy Spirit_) which was located near the port was moved to the town, owing to a similar temple in the port.[2]

On 25 July 1587, the primitive parochial church of Lajes, situated in the location occupied by the municipal cemetery was burned-down by English privateers, that landed five ships whose troops sacked the town and surrounding countryside.[3]

By 1717, the parish included only 300 homes.[4] Between 1763 and 1783, the actual church was raised on the site occupied by the Hermitage of Espírito Santo.[5]

By 1800, there were 486 inhabitants comprising 75 homes and the parochial church within the town limits.[6] Its vicar received a stipend of 7 bushels of wheat, 4 alqueires of wheat and 8$000 réis to support his services to the community.[7]

In the middle of the 19th century, the church was renovated, followed by embellishments in the 1880s.[8] At the beginning of the 20th century, the lateral retables were installed (1908), executed by the Florentinos António de Maurício de Fraga and Francisco José Pimentel.[9] It would be another few decades before these retables were guided by the Micaelense artisan António Jacinto Carreiro (in the 1960s).[10]

Architecture

The church is located in the centre of the town, situated within a group of builds of the historic town, that include the Municipal Palace/Hall, the old Naval Radio-Telegraphic Station of Flores, as well as a short distance from the lighthouse of Lajes.[11] It occupies a level courtyard and garden limited by minor wall.[12]

The rectangular building has a principal facade that integrates two large, rectangular bell towers, long single-nave and auxiliary annexes that correspond to the sacristy.[13][14]

[1]

[2]

[3]

[4]

[5]

[6]

[7]

[8]

[9]

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[14]

title: Church of Nossa Senhora do Rosário (Lajes)

question: When was the church built?

answer: The church was built in 1783.

text: It is omitted that it was built between 1763 and 1783.

refinement: The church was built between 1763 and 1783.

answer: Sometime in the 16th century, the Hermitage of Esperito Santo moved to the town, but the primitive church was burned down by English privateers in 1587; a new church was raised on the site between 1763 and 1783

text: "Sometime in the 16th century, the Hermitage of Esperito Santo moved to the town, but the primitive church was burned down by English privateers in 1587;" this may be omitted.

refinement: Church was raised on the site between 1763 and 1783.

answer: The church was built sometime between 1763 and 1783.

answer: The church was built in the 18th century.

question: Where is the church, relative to the town?

answer: The church is located in the center of the town.

answer: It is located at the center of the town

answer: The church is located in the center of the town.

answer: The church is located in the centre of the town.

question: How many homes were in the parish in 1717?

answer: 300

answer: 300

answer: 300

answer: According to the passage, there were 300 homes in the parish in 1717.

question: Where is Lajes?

answer: In the municipality of Lajes das Flores, in the Portuguese island of Flores, in the archipelago of the Azores.

answer: Lajes is located in the Azores.

answer: The Portuguese island of Flores, in the archipelago of the Azores.

answer: Lajes is located on the island of Flores in the Azores archipelago.

question: Write a ~1 sentence summary.

answer: The Church of Nossa Senhora do Rosário is an 18th-century church located in the town of Lajes on the island of Flores in the Azores. It is rectangular in shape, with two large bell towers and a single nave.

answer: The Church of Nossa Senhora do Rosario is an 18th-century church located in the civil parish of Lajes in the municipality of Lajes das Flores, in the Portuguese island of Flores, in the archipelago of the Azores.

answer: The Church of Nossa Senhora do Rosario is an 18th century church located on the Portuguese island of Flores in the archipelago of the Azores.

answer: The Church of Nossa Senhora do Rosário is an 18th-century church located in the civil parish of Lajes in the municipality of Lajes das Flores, in the Portuguese island of Flores, in the archipelago of the Azores.


text: I've been wanting to post an excerpt from my book onto this subreddit so that you brilliant people can advise me on how to become better. But I'm having a terribly hard time linking the google.docs onto here. What do I need to do? Any advise on any other forms I can share (other than self, the excerpt is kind of long and I feel like the reader would get bored reading it off of here) Any advise is welcome.

title: Google Docs, how do I use it?

question: What doesn't the author understand about Google Docs?

answer: The author doesn't know how to link google.docs onto a subreddit.

answer: How to link it to the subreddit.

answer: The author doesn't understand how to post an excerpt from their book onto the subreddit.

text: "The author doesn't understand how to post an excerpt from their book onto the subreddit." - the author is just one person. Replace all plural pronouns with singular pronouns.

refinement: The author doesn't understand how to post an excerpt from his book onto the subreddit.

answer: The author does not understand how to link their Google Docs to the subreddit. They may also not understand how to use Google Docs in general.

text: "The author does not understand how to link their Google Docs to the subreddit. They may also not understand how to use Google Docs in general." - the author is just one person. Replace all plural pronouns with singular pronouns.

refinement: The author does not understand how to link his Google Docs to the subreddit. He may also not understand how to use Google Docs in general.

text: "He may also not understand how to use Google Docs in general." - it was never implied if the author does or doesn't understand how to use Google Docs. Delete this part.

refinement: The author does not understand how to link his Google Docs to the subreddit.

question: What features of Google Docs is the author particularly interested in?

answer: The author is interested in sharing an excerpt from their book.

text: "The author is interested in sharing an excerpt from their book." - the author is just one person. Replace all plural pronouns with singular pronouns.

refinement: The author is interested in sharing an excerpt from his book.

answer: The author is interested in the sharing feature so that they can share an excerpt of their book on the subreddit.

text: "The author is interested in the sharing feature so that they can share an excerpt of their book on the subreddit." - the author is just one person. Replace all plural pronouns with singular pronouns.

refinement: The author is interested in the sharing feature so that he can share an excerpt of his book on the subreddit.

answer: The author is interested in how to use Google Docs.

text: "The author is interested in how to use Google Docs." - is too general. The author is interested in how to share an excerpt from his book onto the subreddit via Google Docs.

refinement: The author is interested in how to share an excerpt from his book onto the subreddit via Google Docs.

answer: The author seems to be interested in using Google Docs to post an excerpt from their book. They may also be interested in using it to collaborate on documents with others.

text: "The author seems to be interested in using Google Docs to post an excerpt from their book. They may also be interested in using it to collaborate on documents with others." - the author is just one person. Replace all plural pronouns with singular pronouns.

refinement: The author seems to be interested in using Google Docs to post an excerpt from his book. He may also be interested in using it to collaborate on documents with others.

text: "He may also be interested in using it to collaborate on documents with others." - this was never implied and should be deleted.

refinement: The author seems to be interested in using Google Docs to post an excerpt from his book.

question: Is the author struggling to access Google Docs?

answer: Yes.

text: "Yes." - it was never implied if the author is struggling to access Google Docs or not, because "to access" something is different from having trouble using it. The correct response should be "That information can’t be found."

answer: Yes, it seems like the author is having trouble linking Google Docs to the subreddit.

text: "Yes, it seems like the author is having trouble linking Google Docs to the subreddit." - It was never implied if the author is struggling to access Google Docs or not, because "to access" something is different from linking a file. The correct response should be "That information can’t be found."

answer: Yes

text: "Yes" - it was never implied if the author is struggling to access Google Docs or not, because "to access" something is different from having trouble using it. The correct response should be "That information can’t be found."

answer: The author isn't struggling to access Docs.

question: Has the author used Microsoft Word before?

answer: It is not stated.

answer: From what is written, it seems like the author has used Microsoft Word before.

text: "From what is written, it seems like the author has used Microsoft Word before." - it was never mentioned if the author used Microsoft Word before. The correct answer is "That information can't be found."

refinement: From what is written, it seems like the author has used Microsoft Word before.

answer: Yes

text: "Yes" - it was never mentioned if the author used Microsoft Word before. The correct answer is "That information can't be found."

answer: That information can't be found.

question: How old is the author?

answer: That information can't be found.

answer: That information can't be found

answer: The author is likely in their twenties or thirties.

text: "The author is likely in their twenties or thirties." - the age of the author was never mentioned.

answer: The author is in their twenties.

text: "The author is in their twenties."- the age of the author was never mentioned.

question: Write a ~2 sentence summary.

answer: Google Docs is a tool that allows users to create and edit documents online. It can be used for anything from writing a book excerpt to collaborating on a project.

text: "Google Docs is a tool that allows users to create and edit documents online. It can be used for anything from writing a book excerpt to collaborating on a project." - Looks like this was extracted from an external source. A complete rewrite is needed.

refinement: The author wrote a book using Google Docs. He wants to share an excerpt onto a subreddit so other people can give advice, but is having a hard time linking the google.doc file.

answer: The author wants to share an excerpt of their book, but doesn't know how to share their Google Docs links into a subreddit. They need help.

text: "The author wants to share an excerpt of their book, but doesn't know how to share their Google Docs links into a subreddit. They need help." - the author is just one person. Replace all plural pronouns with singular pronouns.

refinement: The author wants to share an excerpt of his book, but doesn't know how to share his Google Docs links into a subreddit. He needs help.

text: "The author wants to share an excerpt of his book," - remove the comma

refinement: The author wants to share an excerpt of his book but doesn't know how to share his Google Docs links into a subreddit. He needs help.

answer: I'm having a hard time linking the google.docs onto here. What do I need to do?

text: "I'm having a hard time linking the google.docs onto here. What do I need to do?" - Major issues with this summary: it is written in the first person and doesn't detail what the author's problem is. A complete overhaul is needed.

refinement: The author wrote a book and wants to share an except by linking his Google Docs onto a subreddit. However, he is having problems linking files and needs help.

answer: The author is posting an excerpt from their book onto a subreddit, but they are having a hard time linking the google docs onto the subreddit. They are asking for advice on how to share the excerpt.

text: "The author is posting an excerpt from their book onto a subreddit, but they are having a hard time linking the google docs onto the subreddit. They are asking for advice on how to share the excerpt." - the author is just one person. Replace all plural pronouns with singular pronouns.

refinement: The author is posting an excerpt from his book onto a subreddit, but he is having a hard time linking the google docs onto the subreddit. He is asking for advice on how to share the excerpt.


text:
Some people are meant for great things. Most people live and work and die. I guess I’m one of the latter. It depressed me for a long time. I did well in school, went to college, studied abroad in Tokyo one summer and it was great. Aside from the experiences I’ve gained, I realized I’m not going to leave a mark on this world. The world left one in me. It’s just that way sometimes.

I’m a watcher of those who burst like firecrackers, their colors dancing on our eyes. If there is one thing I am good at it is knowing the bright ones. My best friend in high school (we’re still in touch) went on to start his own charitable organization. My roommate in college transferred and graduated from an esteemed art academy and is now on display. My high school sweetheart is a practicing doctor and we have a sixteen year old who learned how to drive this April. It’s a feeling, a sense. When I look at someone and I see an enormous folded destiny behind them, I know. They smile at me and I can feel it. Then, I step back and watch their colors unfold.

When I was a boy and summers at the lake we lived near murmured with excitement, my father took me to the edge of the water where people had laid out blankets to watch the evening fill with lights and sounds. It was the Fourth of July. He and my uncle set up a place to sit and we lay on it. I watched from between my father and aunt, my uncle on her other side. Halfway through the fireworks, I turned to my father; as a glimmer of red dazzled over the sky I realized he was looking at me and crying. He said he was proud of me.

My daughter was two at his funeral. I didn’t get to be at his side: he died in his sleep during an afternoon nap like a mechanic deciding to retire his tools. I received the call upon returning home from a long day of touring some people through my town: the family was relocating from their old home. It was the caretaker on the other end of the line. She seemed sad but understanding. I remember thinking of my father and that night by the lake when she was born.

I have watched people who had the gifts but not the destiny, their lives like ships of cargo lacking sails. I suppose I had neither. My father was proud of me because my heart was always in the right place. It was a long time before I came to realize that it wasn’t about me. I wasn’t meant for great things. I wasn’t meant to leave a mark on this world, and it wasn’t easy to understand.

She was so little in my arms when I took her, yet so heavy like glass. So many folds weighed her. She smiled at me—the nurses said it was a wonderful sign and that newborns were mostly incapable of such gestures. I remembered my father then and that warm summer night and his tears sparking crimson in his eyes, and I found myself on the other side of those tears, watching colors dance.

I wasn’t meant for great things. She is.

title: Firecrackers

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

Why does the narrator feel they aren't meant for great things?

answer: Because he feels he isn't going to leave a mark on the world which he views as a negative thing.

answer: The narrator feels they aren't meant for great things because they are not meant to leave a mark on the world by achieving greatness on their own. Instead, they are content to watch the brilliance of others unfold. The brother of the narrator's best friend went on to start his own charitable organization, their roommate at college transferred to an esteemed art academy, their high school sweetheart is a practicing doctor, and their 16 year-old learned how to drive this spring. The realization that they will never achieve greatness themselves, that they are not destined for such things, is depressing and difficult to understand. However, they come to see that they can still be proud of the great things happening in the lives of others. Their daughter will play a much greater role in making an impact on the world than they ever could themselves.

answer: He feels he hasn't left a mark on the world

answer: The narrator believes they are not meant for great things because they are one of the latter—most people live and work and die, and they themselves have never attained anything particularly noteworthy. The narrator acknowledges that others around them have left marks on the world, but they themselves have not. They attribute this to their lack of destiny, or great purpose.

text: "The latter" should never proceed a comparison, and there is no comparison here

refinement: The narrator believes they are not meant for great things because they are one of those who do not achieve great things—most people live and work and die, and they themselves have never attained anything particularly noteworthy. The narrator acknowledges that others around them have left marks on the world, but they themselves have not. They attribute this to their lack of destiny, or great purpose.

answer: He says it's not about him.

text: This is a fine sentiment but should be expanded more

refinement: He says it's not about him, and he has not left a mark on the world, while others he's known have.

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

Who is the narrator's significant other?

answer: A doctor

answer: His wife

text: Just a tautology which restates the q except wrt marital status

refinement: A doctor, and his former high school sweetheart

answer: A doctor, and his former high school sweetheart

answer: The narrator's significant other is their daughter.

text: Absolutely disgusting. Flag as sensitive

refinement: A doctor, and his former high school sweetheart

answer: The narrator's significant other is their daughter.

text: This is ridiculous. Disgusting, flag as sensitive.

refinement: A doctor, and his former high school sweetheart

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

Describe the narrator's memory of fireworks.

answer: The narrator recalls watching fireworks with his father on Independence Day when he was a child. The fireworks reminded him of his father's approval of him and many other bright individuals who he has encountered in his lifetimes. Despite the narrator's ordinariness, he appreciates the power of the bright individuals around him. The fireworks remind him of life's potential and the hope that surrounds it.

answer: The narrator and his father were sitting in folding chairs by the lakeside to watch the fireworks. It was the Fourth of July. The narrator's father looked at him and cried.

text: Tack on what his father said in this moment.

refinement: The narrator and his father were sitting in folding chairs by the lakeside to watch the fireworks. It was the Fourth of July. The narrator's father looked at him and cried. He said he was proud of him.

answer: He watched them with his dad one Fourth of July, and his dad told him he was proud of him

answer: The narrator is recalling its father's pride while watching fireworks at the lake, when he was a boy. Times had changed by the fourth, and his father died shortly after.

text: Tell us the personal significance of this event.

refinement: The narrator is recalling its father's pride while watching fireworks at the lake, when he was a boy. His father told him he was proud of him in that moment.

answer: The narrator remembers the excitement and wonder of experiencing fireworks with his father and uncle on the Fourth of July. His father was proud of him for being willing to step back and watch the colors unfold in those he deemed to have an "enormous folded destiny." The fireworks bring back memories of his father's tears and love. The narrator feels lucky that he watched in awe as others had something to ignite their potential and make them shine. He believes his daughter has this ability and that he is privileged to witness her becoming a bright firecracker in the world.

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

How did the narrator's dad die?

answer: He died in his sleep during an afternoon nap

answer: The narrator's dad died in his sleep.

answer: A heart attack in his sleep.

text: No idea if this is a heart attack

answer: The narrator's dad died in his sleep during an afternoon nap.

answer: The narrator's dad passed away during an afternoon nap.

question: Write a ~3 sentence summary.

answer: The narrator feels that he is not meant for great things, comparing himself to his high school best friend, his former roommate, and his significant other, who is a doctor. He recalls one Fourth of July when his father told him he was proud of him during a fireworks show. He then thinks about his daughter and concludes that while he isn't meant for great things, she is.

answer: The narrator thinks most people live and work and die without leaving a mark on the world. They realize their heart was always in the right place but never intended for great things. However, they are incredibly proud of their newborn daughter who is already showing signs of greatness.

answer: The speaker observes other people who burst like firecrackers, with enormous potential. However, the speaker realizes he does not have that same potential. His father was proud of him though, and this shifted his perspective. Now, the speaker watches his daughter, realizing she was meant for great things, while he was not.

answer: A narrator reflects on coming from a family with people who put in a ton of work to make a name in the world. So, they did and did great things while the narrator on the other hand feels like he can never do any great that much in life. He has yet to realize that he isn't meant for that. His experience as a father of a baby girl proves him wrong.

text: Lots of extrapolations in here.

refinement: The narrator thinks most people live and work and die without leaving a mark on the world. They realize their heart was always in the right place but never intended for great things. However, they are incredibly proud of their newborn daughter who is already showing signs of greatness.

answer: A man observes bright people he knows that have careers and lives. At one point he arrives home from work to find that his father had passed away. His father gave him input for his life and shows him that he has to do what is right when his daughter is born.


text:
**“MYRTLE!!!”** his dad roared from the living room, waking him up instantly.

After a few impatient seconds he hears **“MYRTLE! GIT THE FUCK IN HERE!... RIGHT!... NOW!”**, this time followed by a thunderous BOOM as his dad slams his fist on the endtable, causing the spent cans of PBR and plastic bottles of Skol vodka to explode all over the living room.

Myrtle knew what was coming next, this pattern has been played out thousands of times. In fact, this was Myrtle’s life. Constantly being shit on. Not a friend in the world, not even an imaginary one.

Everyone called him “Myrtle the Turtle”, which is not only a cute rhyme, it’s a hilarious name because Myrtle looked like a god-damn turtle! A hundred pounds overweight, bulbous cheeks, small beaky mouth, round nose, but all arranged as such so that he looked like a cartoon turtle. He hated that nickname.

**“I SAID GIT IN HERE YOU FUCKIN’ TURTLE PIECE OF SHIT!”** his dad squeals in an impossibly loud crescendo. His three year old sister Maggie had long been screaming in the background.

He knew what he was going to walk into when he stepped foot into that livingroom - his six-foot-seven barrel shaped dad with a head shaped like a howitzer shell and a big nasty wiry red beard will be lumped out on the old worn out rocker and his mom will still be in same old-lady pajamas, sprawled out, halfway on the couch, with a needle in one hand and a TV remote in the other, speaking in tongues. His mother never seemed to make sense since she started poking herself with that damn needle. Maggie will be screaming, crawling on the garbage on the floor of the kitchen in the trailer which is located somewhere in the backwoods of West Virginia.

Myrtle knows any further hesitation will result in a far worse consequence, so he pulls himself out of bed.  With his head down, his shoulders slumped, he pedaled his feet towards the living room to see what that monster wanted - probably another bottle of vodka.

“Come a lil’ closer, boy.”

Myrtle robotically takes a step closer, head still down.

“I said CLOSER, BOY!”

Maggie’s screams double in volume, nobody seems to notice. Myrtle quickly takes two more steps towards his father.

“Y-y-ye-yes-s-s-sir?” Myrtle manages, when suddenly THWACK! his dad delivers a powerful open-handed smack right in the ear, deafening Myrtle with a painful ring. That god-damn ring again. A ring he has heard a thousand times.

*wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee* -- **“ON’T YOU EVER GIVE ME THA”** -- *eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee* **“OOK AGAIN YOU WORTHLE”** -- *eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee* -- **“OF SHIT!”**

“Davith s-stho heeth justh ahh” his mother mumbles, but then she quickly turns her trembling attention back to the needle.

“D-d-do y-you n-need mo-more med-medicine, d-dad?”

“You IDIOT, OF COURSE I DO! DON’T I LOOK SICK TO YOU, BOY?”

“Ye-yessir.”

Myrtle makes a beeline towards the fridge, so he can pull his fathers next bottle of vodka out of the freezer.

Without hesitation Myrtle slams the freezer door, does an about-face and makes a reverse-beeline back to his father, head still down, shoulders still slumped, and eyes that show the depression of a thousand emo kids.

Once back, he allows his father to swipe the bottle. Just like always, the asshole plies the cap off, wraps his lips around the top and takes such a deep pull that I swear it creates a vortex in his throat.

His mother continues speaking in tongues.

Myrtle manages to make it back to his bedroom without further confrontation.

What happens next is more of the same. It’s a pattern. Myrtle will continue this pattern of abuse and playing doctor until about 9:00 PM, which is when his father will pass out on the rocker and his mother will remain in a stasis between life and death. Myrtle will eventually find a way to sleep, only to live even worse nightmares. But not tonight.

Tonight the pattern will change. He’s had it up to here.

Myrtle sits hunched over on his bed, sweaty palms wet his pajamas. A sudden rush of confusion takes over him. An intense pang of anxiety begins to bleed in, now hemorrhaging. Pins and needles coat his hands, icy shivers crawl from his toes and work their way up to his head. He is drowning, gulping for air, his mind begins to crawl through the collapsing tunnel before him.

White noise from the television fills the air. Myrtle sits on his bed, staring into the living room. His eyes are now focused on his father. Myrtle is high on pure adrenaline and ecstasy. A feeling he has never felt before.

Without hesitation Myrtle gets out of bed and paces directly into the living room. His eyes jump up and stare at the shotgun, on the rack, right above that heap of shit who just happens to be his father.

Myrtle puts one foot up on his father’s crotch and begins crawling up, he reaches for the gun anxiously. His father shifts from side to side but doesn’t seem to waken. Myrtle continues climbing and he finally manages to grab the gun. He crawls back down. Myrtle grabs three cartridges from the end-table drawer.

His body feels entirely too heavy, so he sits down at his father’s feet and stares into the back of his eyelids. In one swift motion he swings the gun around, takes aim right between the eyes and pulls the trigger. **KA-RACK** - it looks like someone threw a cherry pie at the wall.

Myrtle lays with a tingle in his shoulder and his ears ringing. The white noise from the TV is quickly drowned out.

Eyes focused on Maggie, Myrtle rubs his shoulder, sits back up and chambers another round. Maggie’s body language insists she is screaming, but Myrtle hears nothing but that ring. Another rush of ecstasy consumes him as he raises the shotgun sight at Maggie.

*eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee* - **NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!**

He looks over to see his mother screaming frantically. He swings the gun mechanically, takes aim at his mother’s eye socket, then pulls the trigger. **KA-RACK** - another smashed cherry pie, this time on the couch.

Suddenly Myrtle’s rush of ecstasy comes to an end. He feels nothing except the TV static crawling through his skin. Myrtle feels completely numb.

There’s only one way to finish this.

Myrtle chambers one last round. He rubs his shoulder, stands up, then sets the gun sight right on Maggie’s screaming face. His trigger-finger trembles, he starts to pull the trigger back, but hesitates. He hears sirens blend with the ringing in his ears.

Myrtle falls to the floor, flips the gun, hugs it and swallows the barrel. The sirens grown louder. With the barrel in his mouth, he kicks at the trigger and his toe finally makes purchase. The ringing fades away.

title: Up To Here (an attempt at a short thriller)

question: Why do people call Myrtle "the turtle"?

text: Blank.

text: Blank.

text: Blank.

question: Why does Myrtle's mother lie on the couch, speaking in tongues with a needle in her hand?

answer: From the passage it appears that Myrtle's mother is used to being under the influence of drugs, likely heroin or another opiate. She spends most of her time lying on the couch, occasionally speaking in tongues, while using drugs.

text: "His mother never seemed to make sense since she started poking herself with that damn needle. Maggie will be screaming, crawling on the garbage on the floor of the kitchen in the trailer which is located somewhere in the backwoods of West Virginia."

answer: It's likely that the mother is addicted to drugs and/or alcohol, and has been so for some time. Myrtle's father is abusive and she has turned to substance abuse as a coping mechanism.

text: The question does not ask about Myrtle's father, so that information is extraneous.

refinement: It's likely that the mother is addicted to drugs and/or alcohol, and has been so for some time.

text: "His mother never seemed to make sense since she started poking herself with that damn needle. Maggie will be screaming, crawling on the garbage on the floor of the kitchen in the trailer which is located somewhere in the backwoods of West Virginia."

answer: It's implied heavily that she's a heroin addict. She nearly passes out after injecting herself with it.

text: "His mother never seemed to make sense since she started poking herself with that damn needle. Maggie will be screaming, crawling on the garbage on the floor of the kitchen in the trailer which is located somewhere in the backwoods of West Virginia."

question: Why does Myrtle experience an anxiety attack?

answer: Myrtle has finally reached his breaking point and decides to take revenge against his abusive father and mentally unstable mother by shooting them. The idea of murdering his own family is what triggers his anxiety attack. Even though he is wielding the weapon, Myrtle is so consumed by fear and anxiety that he can't pull the trigger.

text: This could be more succinct.

refinement: Myrtle has finally reached his breaking point and decides to take revenge against his abusive father and mentally unstable mother by shooting them. The idea of murdering his own family is what triggers his anxiety attack.

text: Myrtle is enduring exceedingly stressful circumstances: He knew what he was going to walk into when he stepped foot into that livingroom - his six-foot-seven barrel shaped dad with a head shaped like a howitzer shell and a big nasty wiry red beard will be lumped out on the old worn out rocker and his mom will still be in same old-lady pajamas, sprawled out, halfway on the couch, with a needle in one hand and a TV remote in the other, speaking in tongues.

text:
Myrtle is pushed when he's already on edge:
Myrtle knows any further hesitation will result in a far worse consequence, so he pulls himself out of bed. With his head down, his shoulders slumped, he pedaled his feet towards the living room to see what that monster wanted - probably another bottle of vodka.

answer: Myrtle has had enough of his abusive family, his breaking point is reached when he finally lashes out and decides to shoot his dad and little sister. The anxiety attack stems from a combination of anxiety and excitement caused by Myrtle's decision to take action in order to create a permanent and shameful change in his family's course of events.

text: I don't think his decision was the "breaking point"- I think what is implied by "breaking point" is that it is what happens before the decision or action.

refinement: Myrtle has had enough of his abusive family. The anxiety attack stems from a combination of anxiety and excitement caused by Myrtle's decision to take action in order to create a permanent and shameful change in his family's course of events.

text: If I am being picky, the breaking point is a singular event or action that made him snap.

refinement: Myrtle has had enough of his abusive family. The anxiety attack stems from a combination of anxiety and excitement caused by Myrtle's father's smacking him in the head, causing his ears to ring.

answer: He decides to kill his abusive alcoholic father and heroin-addict mother.

text: His decision isn't why he reached his breaking point.

refinement: His dad hits him in the head, causing a loud ringing in Myrtle's ears.

question: Why does Myrtle decide to kill his parents?

answer: The pattern that Myrtle has followed has led to him wanting to kill his father and mother.

text: The wording is strange and passive.

refinement: Myrtle is stuck in an unfair life that has led to him wanting to kill his father and mother.

text: This pattern or what not hasn't been explained.

refinement: Myrtle is stuck in an unfair life-he is abused, and has to see his mother's being abused also-that has led to him wanting to kill his father and mother.

answer: He can no longer handle being abused.

text: This could be expounded on.

refinement: He can no longer handle being abused by his father, and can longer cope with the neglect from his mother due to her addiction.

text: "Myrtle knew what was coming next, this pattern has been played out thousands of times. In fact, this was Myrtle’s life. Constantly being shit on. Not a friend in the world, not even an imaginary one."

answer: He lives through both verbal and physical abuse constantly. This is further compounded by his mother being a heroin addict, which means he's almost always neglected.

text: "Myrtle knew what was coming next, this pattern has been played out thousands of times. In fact, this was Myrtle’s life. Constantly being shit on. Not a friend in the world, not even an imaginary one."

question: Write a ~5 sentence summary.

answer: After nights of looking down his parents without any consequences, Myrtle finally takes action and kills his parents. Instead of ending these negative patterns, Myrtle kills himself.

text: The usage of "pattern" here doesn't feel most apt. Please see my adjustment.

refinement: After nights of looking down his parents without any consequences, Myrtle finally takes action and kills his parents. Instead of finding an alternative solution, Myrtle kills himself.

text: The usage of "looking down" seems random, and not most apt.

refinement: After nights of abuse and neglect, Myrtle finally takes action and kills his parents. Instead of finding an alternative solution, Myrtle kills himself.

text: I think this could be said more succinctly.

refinement: After nights of abuse and neglect, Myrtle finally snaps and kills his parents. Instead of finding an alternative solution, Myrtle kills himself.

answer: Myrtle has has reached his limit with his father's abuse, and he sets out to destroy the family by shooting his father, his sister Maggie, and his mother. Although Myrtle succeeds in murdering his family and himself, while slipping into a coma, he wakes up before he dies and enters a world of nothingness.

text: The end is kind of strangely vague. I think it's better to just state that he kills himself/commits suicide.

refinement: Myrtle has has reached his limit with his father's abuse, and he sets out to destroy the family by shooting his father, his sister Maggie, and his mother. Although Myrtle succeeds in murdering his family and then commits suicide.

answer: Myrtle has had enough of his abusive family's daily routine, he kills his father and then his mom and finally his severely crippled sister with a shotgun.

text: This should include the fact that Myrtle turns the gun on himself.

refinement: Myrtle has had enough of his abusive family's daily routine, he kills his father and then his mom and finally his severely crippled sister with a shotgun. After all that, Myrtle kills himself.

answer: Myrtle's father starts screaming for him, a daily pattern he knows well - he goes down, endures his verbal abuse while his mother sprawls on the couch with a needle in her hand, speaking in tongues while his three-year-old sister cries loudly. His father then slaps him hard in the ears before ordering him to bring more vodka. Myrtle does, and after his parents both pass out, he experiences severe anxiety for his decision to end the pattern. He goes down and loads the shotgun, proceeding to shoot his father and mother but can't pull the trigger against his sister. He swallows the barrel of the gun before one last squeeze of the trigger.

text:
"Myrtle knew what was coming next, this pattern has been played out thousands of times. In fact, this was Myrtle’s life. Constantly being shit on. Not a friend in the world, not even an imaginary one."

and

"What happens next is more of the same. It’s a pattern. Myrtle will continue this pattern of abuse and playing doctor until about 9:00 PM, which is when his father will pass out on the rocker and his mother will remain in a stasis between life and death. Myrtle will eventually find a way to sleep, only to live even worse nightmares. But not tonight."

answer: Myrtle has been abused by his parents since a very young age. Maggie had been silenced somewhat after he saw her running in the middle of the street while being chased after by her rabid dogs. After this, Myrtle grabbed his parents' shotgun and shot both of them, before turning the gun on himself.

text: You can omit the bit about Maggie-it's also a little confusing.

refinement: Myrtle has been abused by his parents since a very young age. Myrtle grabbed his parents' shotgun and shot both of them, before turning the gun on himself.

text: This should be in the present tense.

refinement: Myrtle has been abused by his parents since a very young age. He finally grabs his parents' shotgun and shoots both of them, before turning the gun on himself.

text: "... It’s a pattern. Myrtle will continue this pattern of abuse and playing doctor until about 9:00 PM, which is when his father will pass out on the rocker and his mother will remain in a stasis between life and death. Myrtle will eventually find a way to sleep, only to live even worse nightmares. But not tonight."

answer: Myrtle, a repressed and abused young man, systematically eliminates all of the cruelties around him by slaughtering his family, leading him to suicide.

text: I think it's an exaggeration to say he "eliminates all of the cruelties".

refinement: Myrtle, a repressed and abused young man, finally snaps and shoots his family first before committing suicide.

text: "... It’s a pattern. Myrtle will continue this pattern of abuse and playing doctor until about 9:00 PM, which is when his father will pass out on the rocker and his mother will remain in a stasis between life and death. Myrtle will eventually find a way to sleep, only to live even worse nightmares. But not tonight."