text:
The pianist leaned back, extending his arms and fingers in unison with the final note, his muscles popping and relieving the tension of 10 minutes of furious playing. The room still silent, the stretch stopped sharp as he remembered his audience.

"Wow, I actually forgot you were there for a minute."

"I'm not surprised, that was incredible!" His patron, as always, sat front and centre. His only company in a forgotten auditorium deep in the bowels of the great University of the Arts. Her legs crossed, a makeshift desk for the notebook she had been scribbling in since the intro. Never seeming to stop. "Every one is better than the last. Can I ask what was your inspiration?"

"It's kind of about loneliness." He shrugged and stacked the pages before him, tapping them lightly against the rack, setting them in order. "You know, like sometimes I go for walks in the early morning and it feels like I'm the only person alive. The campus can be so peaceful, especially by the lake. The smaller one? Even the birds don't seem to know about it."

"Mmhm?" She nodded. He noticed she never took any notes after the music had stopped. In fact her pen had vanished, her book clasped shut. "I want to know more about your process, though. How do you put those images to music?"

"Oh, a true artist should never reveal his secrets." She gave a curt laugh, clipped and professional, and dropped it. Her expression told him she was deciding whether to push the question.

"May I see the notation? Maybe I could glean some insight." With the others, he would always decline. The way they tore through the sheets with a covetous gleam in their eye had always unsettled him. Afterward they would lose interest in him, forsaking the artist for the art. She, his newest patron, had always taken the time to get to know his work on a deeper level. She always asked to see the music eventually, but these little gestures were enough to soften him.

She took the folder he offered and began laboriously scanning each page. The light shone through so the ink could faintly be seen on the other side, eclipsed by her tapered nails, examining each one with a brief but pointed stare.

And elsewhere, on a level of the college far beneath the deepest known to the young student, two tall specular figures saw what she saw, projected on a wall-filling screen. Though they made more sense than they had in the early days, the true meaning of the music -- its underlying form -- still eluded even the greatest minds among the drones.

"Have we not gathered enough samples, now?" Pleaded the junior. "It is cruel to deceive him so. We agreed to release him soon, so he may live out his days with his own kind."

"And what then?" Scoffed the other, leaning in and tracing the shape of a complex arpeggio, slender pearlescent finger dancing around the notes. "What if we decide later that what we have is not enough? The humans did as many things right as wrong, and if we truly aspire to be their betters, then we must learn as much as we can from them. I don't see this as cruel, I see this for what it is. Their swan song."

In the auditorium, the patron gave a droll smile and set the papers aside. "I'd like to commission another."

title: The Piano Teacher [Criticism Welcome]

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

Why did the pianist forget that he had an audience?

answer: The pianist forgot that he had an audience because the environment was peaceful and it was easy to get lost in his music. The pianist is comfortable playing alone and the solitude helps him to put his emotions into his music. He doesn't feel pressured to impress an audience, which allows him to express himself freely.

text: The entire answer is presumptuous, but without enough evidence to back it up. It would be most accurate to say the pianist got lost in the music. "...his muscles popping and relieving the tension of 10 minutes of furious playing," is all that's said about getting lost in the music.

refinement: He get lost in his music he was playing.

answer: Because he was in the zone when he was playing and it took him 10 minutes to compose the song.

text: It would be more accurate to say the pianist "played" the song, as opposed to "compose".

refinement: Because he was in the zone when he was playing and it took him 10 minutes to play the song.

text: "...his muscles popping and relieving the tension of 10 minutes of furious playing," corroborates the answer with "furious playing".

answer: Because he became totally engrossed in the music.

text: "...his muscles popping and relieving the tension of 10 minutes of furious playing," corroborates the answer with "furious playing".

answer: The pianist forgot his audience because he got caught up in the natural rhythms of music making. He found such intense joy in playing that his focus was lost and he forgot his surroundings.

text: It's a bit presumptuous to say the pianist found "intense joy". It's not really said how he feels in that moment besides getting distracted.

refinement: The pianist forgot his audience because he got caught up in the natural rhythms of music making. His focus was lost and he forgot his surroundings.

text: "...his muscles popping and relieving the tension of 10 minutes of furious playing," corroborates the answer with "furious playing".

answer: He was preoccupied with his music.

text: "...his muscles popping and relieving the tension of 10 minutes of furious playing," corroborates the answer with "furious playing".

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

Does the artist know that he is captive?

answer: Yes, he does.

text: It's not clear if the artist knows he's captive, but it would make more sense that he doesn't know because he never mentions it.

answer: He must know because the junior drone mentions that they had promised to let him go so that he live amongst his own kind.

text: It's not clear if the artist knows he's captive, but it would make more sense that he doesn't know because he never mentions it. The drones say "'We agreed to release him soon, so he may live out his days with his own kind,'" which most likely means they agreed amongst drones, not with their captor.

answer: It seems possible.

text: It does seem possible, but it should be mentioned that it's not clear if he knows based on the story.

refinement: It seems possible, but it's not clear based on the story.

answer:
If so, how does this knowledge affect the music he creates?

The artist seems to be unaware of his captivity, and likely feels lonely both in reality and through the music. Given his isolation, the music likely reflects the artist's deep sadness and loneliness. The knowledge of being captive would likely change the music's tone and feeling dramatically. The artist likely would be fueled by a sense of desperation and hopelessness, and might depend on music to create a sense of connection with another person.

text: Every sentence except for the second and third are too presumptuous and feel unnecessary towards answering the question.

refinement:
If so, how does this knowledge affect the music he creates?

The artist seems to be unaware of his captivity. The knowledge of being captive would likely change the music's tone and feeling dramatically.

text: The reason why this answer is too presumptuous is because it's partially answering a different question: the one that is featured in the answer. That is irrelevant to the actual question.

refinement: The artist seems to be unaware of his captivity. The knowledge of being captive would likely change the music's tone and feeling dramatically.

text: It should be mentioned that it isn't particularly clear if the artist knows.

refinement: The artist seems to be unaware of his captivity. The knowledge of being captive would likely change the music's tone and feeling dramatically. However, it's not particularly clear if the artist knows.

answer:
Does he willingly collaborate with the beings observing him?

The artist does not appear to know that he is captive. He willingly collaborates with the beings observing him.

text: The question is unnecessary and confusing. The third sentence answers the question asked in the answer.

refinement: The artist does not appear to know that he is captive. He willingly collaborates with the beings observing him.

text: It's not clear if the artist willingly collaborates because it doesn't seem that he knows he's being held captive.

refinement: The artist does not appear to know that he is captive.

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

What are the drones planning for humans?

answer: Whatever they plan is not good because the drone says that this is human's Swansong, which means that it is their last performance.

text: It's omitted that the drones said they want to be better than humans and learn from them. " if we truly aspire to be their betters, then we must learn as much as we can from them."

refinement: They are planning to be better than humans by gathering intel on them, but whatever they plan is not good because the drone says that this is human's Swansong, which means that it is their last performance.

answer: The drones are planning to learn from the human's music, making it their swan song.

text: It's omitted that the drones are trying to be better than humans. " If we truly aspire to be their betters, then we must learn as much as we can from them."

refinement: The drones are planning to learn from the human's music, making it their swan song, and become better than them.

text: Specify "their swansong" by saying it's the "human's swansong".

refinement: The drones are planning to learn from the human's music, making it the human's swan song, and become better than them.

answer: Perhaps to replace them

text: This is too presumptuous. It's stated that the drones want to be better than humans, so they're gathering intel on their music. " If we truly aspire to be their betters, then we must learn as much as we can from them."

refinement: It seems that the drones want to be better than humans, so they're gathering intel on their music.

answer: This information can't be found.

text: The information can be found. The drones are planning to be better than the humans. " If we truly aspire to be their betters, then we must learn as much as we can from them."

refinement: The drones are planning to be better than humans by getting intel on human life from them.

answer: The drones are planning to gather more musical samples from humans in order to learn from them.

text: It's omitted that the drones wish to be better than the humans, not just learn from them. " If we truly aspire to be their betters, then we must learn as much as we can from them."

refinement: The drones are planning to gather more musical samples from humans in order to learn from them and become better than them.

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

Why doesn't the narrator tell her about the process?

answer: He says he can't reveal his art secrets.

text: The narrator isn't a character. The question should say "the artist".

refinement: The narrator isn't a character. The question should say "the artist". The artist says he can't reveal his art secrets.

text: It's omitted that the artist fears some people may forsake the artist for the art if they have insight.

refinement: The narrator isn't a character. The question should say "the artist". The artist says he can't reveal his art secrets. He fears some people may forsake the artist for the art if they have insight.

answer: He never tells the same story to his patrons. It is a secret process.

text: The narrator isn't a character. The question should say "the artist".

refinement: The narrator isn't a character. The question should say "the artist". He never tells the same story to his patrons. It is a secret process.

text: "He never tells the same story" is not said in the story. The answer is that a true artist never reveals his secrets.

refinement: The narrator isn't a character. The question should say "the artist". A true artist never reveals his secrets. It is a secret process.

text: It's omitted that the artist fears some people may forsake the artist for the art if they have insight.

refinement: The narrator isn't a character. The question should say "the artist". A true artist never reveals his secrets. It is a secret process, and he fears some people may forsake the artist for the art if they have insight.

answer: He says that a true artist doesn't reveal his secrets.

text: The narrator isn't a character. The question should say "the artist".

refinement: The narrator isn't a character. The question should say "the artist". The artist says that a true artist doesn't reveal his secrets.

text: It's omitted that he fears some people may forsake the artist for the art if they have insight.

refinement: The narrator isn't a character. The question should say "the artist". The artist says that a true artist doesn't reveal his secrets, and he fears some people may forsake the artist for the art if they have insight.

answer: The narrator doesn't want his secrets to be revealed, because he is worried she might not continue to respect his art if she knows the process behind it all. He doesn't want to be abandoned for the art itself, so instead he keeps his process private.

text: The narrator isn't a character. The question should say "the artist".

refinement: The narrator isn't a character. The question should say "the artist". The artist doesn't want his secrets to be revealed, because he is worried she might not continue to respect his art if she knows the process behind it all. He doesn't want to be abandoned for the art itself, so instead he keeps his process private.

text: The majority of the answer is presumptuous. It's only said that the artist believes a true artist never reveals his secrets.

refinement: The narrator isn't a character. The question should say "the artist". The artist doesn't want his secrets to be revealed, as that's not what a true artist would do. Also, he doesn't want to be abandoned for the art itself.

answer: The narrator does not reveal his secrets for fear that his patron would take interest only in the art, rather than the artist. He is wary of those who would simply pursue the art without understanding it fully, and prefers that she ask about the process later so it won't be lost completely. The people behind the scenes, however, are interested in the music for its data, not for its beauty.

text: The narrator isn't a character. The question should say "the artist".

refinement: The narrator isn't a character. The question should say "the artist". The artist does not reveal his secrets for fear that his patron would take interest only in the art, rather than the artist. He is wary of those who would simply pursue the art without understanding it fully, and prefers that she ask about the process later so it won't be lost completely. The people behind the scenes, however, are interested in the music for its data, not for its beauty.

text: The sentence "He is wary of those..." is too presumptuous. It would be better to remove it.

refinement: The narrator isn't a character. The question should say "the artist". The artist does not reveal his secrets for fear that his patron would take interest only in the art, rather than the artist.  The people behind the scenes, however, are interested in the music for its data, not for its beauty.

text: "The people behind the scenes..." is irrelevant to the question.

refinement: The narrator isn't a character. The question should say "the artist". The artist does not reveal his secrets for fear that his patron would take interest only in the art, rather than the artist.

text: It's omitted that the artist says a true artist never reveals his secrets.

refinement: The narrator isn't a character. The question should say "the artist". The artist does not reveal his secrets for fear that his patron would take interest only in the art, rather than the artist.  He also says that a true artist should never reveal his secrets.

question: Write a ~13 sentence summary.

answer:
The pianist, in the middle of a concert, immediately begins to worry about his patron-a woman who has been his only audience until now. He wonders why he presses on even though he has always sworn to never to reveal his secrets.
The first time she inquired, he had refused her request to hear him play his own notation. But soon after, he relented to her pleas, so now she wants to see the notes to learn more about how he put the images to music. While struggling with his decision, they watch images of his music projected on the wall.

Elsewhere, two insectlike humanoid beings are watching what is being projected on the wall as well. The junior begs for a quick release, fearful that what is on the wall is not all the aliens needed. The head honcho refuses, exclaiming that they need more specimens. Back in the auditorium, she sets the manuscript aside. She says she would like to commission another.

text: This is only ten sentences instead of the requested thirteen.

refinement:
The pianist, in the middle of a concert, immediately begins to worry about his patron-a woman who has been his only audience until now. He wonders why he presses on even though he has always sworn to never to reveal his secrets.
The first time she inquired, he had refused her request to hear him play his own notation. But soon after, he relented to her pleas, so now she wants to see the notes to learn more about how he put the images to music. While struggling with his decision, they watch images of his music projected on the wall.

Elsewhere, two insectlike humanoid beings are watching what is being projected on the wall as well. The junior begs for a quick release, fearful that what is on the wall is not all the aliens needed. The head honcho refuses, exclaiming that they need more specimens. Back in the auditorium, she sets the manuscript aside. She says she would like to commission another.

text: It's false that the pianist worries about the patron in the middle of a concert. It's said he gets lost in the music and forgets her. "'Wow, I actually forgot you were there for a minute.'"

refinement:
The pianist gets lost in the music as he plays in an auditorium for a new patron, forgetting she's even there. He wonders why he presses on even though he has always sworn to never to reveal his secrets.
The first time she inquired, he had refused her request to hear him play his own notation. But soon after, he relented to her pleas, so now she wants to see the notes to learn more about how he put the images to music. While struggling with his decision, they watch images of his music projected on the wall.

Elsewhere, two insectlike humanoid beings are watching what is being projected on the wall as well. The junior begs for a quick release, fearful that what is on the wall is not all the aliens needed. The head honcho refuses, exclaiming that they need more specimens. Back in the auditorium, she sets the manuscript aside. She says she would like to commission another.

text: It's false that the pianist wonders why he presses on. Replace this by detailing how the patron asks for intel on his music and process, and how he is usually reluctant.

refinement:
The pianist gets lost in the music as he plays in an auditorium for a new patron, forgetting she's even there. The patron asks for him to give some insight on his process. Usually he's hesitant, fearing that he will be forsaken for his art, but her gestures soften him.
The first time she inquired, he had refused her request to hear him play his own notation. But soon after, he relented to her pleas, so now she wants to see the notes to learn more about how he put the images to music. While struggling with his decision, they watch images of his music projected on the wall.

Elsewhere, two insectlike humanoid beings are watching what is being projected on the wall as well. The junior begs for a quick release, fearful that what is on the wall is not all the aliens needed. The head honcho refuses, exclaiming that they need more specimens. Back in the auditorium, she sets the manuscript aside. She says she would like to commission another.

text: It's false that he had refused her request to play his own notation, and so is the following sentence. Replace this by saying he tells her his song was inspired by the loneliness he feels.

refinement:
The pianist gets lost in the music as he plays in an auditorium for a new patron, forgetting she's even there. The patron asks for him to give some insight on his process. Usually he's hesitant, fearing that he will be forsaken for his art, but her gestures soften him. He tells her his music is inspired by the loneliness he feels on campus.  While struggling with his decision, they watch images of his music projected on the wall.

Elsewhere, two insectlike humanoid beings are watching what is being projected on the wall as well. The junior begs for a quick release, fearful that what is on the wall is not all the aliens needed. The head honcho refuses, exclaiming that they need more specimens. Back in the auditorium, she sets the manuscript aside. She says she would like to commission another.

text: It's false that they watch images of his music projected on the wall.

refinement:
The pianist gets lost in the music as he plays in an auditorium for a new patron, forgetting she's even there. The patron asks for him to give some insight on his process. Usually he's hesitant, fearing that he will be forsaken for his art, but her gestures soften him. He tells her his music is inspired by the loneliness he feels on campus.

Elsewhere, two insectlike humanoid beings are watching what is being projected on the wall as well. The junior begs for a quick release, fearful that what is on the wall is not all the aliens needed. The head honcho refuses, exclaiming that they need more specimens. Back in the auditorium, she sets the manuscript aside. She says she would like to commission another.

text: The drones are not referred to as insectlike. This is false.

refinement:
The pianist gets lost in the music as he plays in an auditorium for a new patron, forgetting she's even there. The patron asks for him to give some insight on his process. Usually he's hesitant, fearing that he will be forsaken for his art, but her gestures soften him. He tells her his music is inspired by the loneliness he feels on campus.

Elsewhere, two tall specular drones are watching what is being projected on the wall as well. The junior begs for a quick release, fearful that what is on the wall is not all the aliens needed. The head honcho refuses, exclaiming that they need more specimens. Back in the auditorium, she sets the manuscript aside. She says she would like to commission another.

text: Change "the wall" to "watch what is happening in the auditorium".

refinement:
The pianist gets lost in the music as he plays in an auditorium for a new patron, forgetting she's even there. The patron asks for him to give some insight on his process. Usually he's hesitant, fearing that he will be forsaken for his art, but her gestures soften him. He tells her his music is inspired by the loneliness he feels on campus.

Elsewhere, two tall specular drones are watching what is happening in the auditorium on a projector of sorts. The junior begs for a quick release, fearful that what is on the wall is not all the aliens needed. The head honcho refuses, exclaiming that they need more specimens. Back in the auditorium, she sets the manuscript aside. She says she would like to commission another.

text: "The junior begs for a quick release..." and "The head honcho refuses..." is false and should be replaced by a synopsis of the dialogue between the drones.

refinement:
The pianist gets lost in the music as he plays in an auditorium for a new patron, forgetting she's even there. The patron asks for him to give some insight on his process. Usually he's hesitant, fearing that he will be forsaken for his art, but her gestures soften him. He tells her his music is inspired by the loneliness he feels on campus.

Elsewhere, two tall specular drones are watching what is happening in the auditorium on a projector of sorts. The junior drone suggests the pianist be released, as his continual captivity is cruel. However, the other drone believes they need to gather as much intel as possible on humans if they wish to be better than them. Back in the auditorium, she sets the manuscript aside. She says she would like to commission another.

answer: The pianist plays stunning music, but gets lost in his own thoughts when he is finished. One of his patrons asks him about his process, and after some persuasion, he shows her his notes. Two shadowy figures observing his music disagree about whether or not it is ethical to be gathering samples of human creativity. The patron leaves the auditorium, pleased with another commission.

text: This is only four sentences instead of the requested thirteen.

refinement: The pianist plays stunning music, but gets lost in his own thoughts when he is finished. One of his patrons asks him about his process, and after some persuasion, he shows her his notes. Two shadowy figures observing his music disagree about whether or not it is ethical to be gathering samples of human creativity. The patron leaves the auditorium, pleased with another commission.

text: It's omitted that the shadowy figures are called drones and that they are gathering intel on humans to become better than them.

refinement: The pianist plays stunning music, but gets lost in his own thoughts when he is finished. One of his patrons asks him about his process, and after some persuasion, he shows her his notes. Two shadowy figures, drones, observing his music disagree about whether or not it is ethical to be gathering samples of human creativity. They are gathering intel on humans to become better than them. The patron leaves the auditorium, pleased with another commission.

text: It's omitted that one of the drones argues it's not ethical to keep the human in captivity still.

refinement: The pianist plays stunning music, but gets lost in his own thoughts when he is finished. One of his patrons asks him about his process, and after some persuasion, he shows her his notes. Two shadowy figures, drones, observing his music disagree about whether or not it is ethical to be gathering samples of human creativity. They are gathering intel on humans to become better than them. One of the drones argues it's not ethical to keep the human in captivity still.The patron leaves the auditorium, pleased with another commission.

text: It's omitted that the pianist believes this patron is more earnestly into his work than the other patrons.

refinement: The pianist plays stunning music, but gets lost in his own thoughts when he is finished. One of his patrons asks him about his process, and after some persuasion, he shows her his notes. The pianist believes this patron is more earnestly into his work than the other patrons. Two shadowy figures, drones, observing his music disagree about whether or not it is ethical to be gathering samples of human creativity. They are gathering intel on humans to become better than them. One of the drones argues it's not ethical to keep the human in captivity still.The patron leaves the auditorium, pleased with another commission.

text: It's omitted that the pianist is hesitant to show his process in fear that the artist will be forsaken for the art.

refinement: The pianist plays stunning music, but gets lost in his own thoughts when he is finished. One of his patrons asks him about his process, and after some persuasion, he shows her his notes. Ge is hesitant to show his process in fear that the artist will be forsaken for the art.  The pianist believes this patron is more earnestly into his work than the other patrons. Two shadowy figures, drones, observing his music disagree about whether or not it is ethical to be gathering samples of human creativity. They are gathering intel on humans to become better than them. One of the drones argues it's not ethical to still keep the human in captivity. The patron leaves the auditorium, pleased with another commission.

text: The patron isn't necessarily pleased with another commission, but they ask for another one.

refinement: The pianist plays stunning music, but gets lost in his own thoughts when he is finished. One of his patrons asks him about his process, and after some persuasion, he shows her his notes. Ge is hesitant to show his process in fear that the artist will be forsaken for the art.  The pianist believes this patron is more earnestly into his work than the other patrons. Two shadowy figures, drones, observing his music disagree about whether or not it is ethical to be gathering samples of human creativity. They are gathering intel on humans to become better than them. One of the drones argues it's not ethical to still keep the human in captivity. The patron leaves the auditorium, asking for another commission.

answer: The protagonist is a pianist, and his music explores themes of loneliness. He rarely interacts with people outside playing his music. One day, his listener requests to see the music and analysis thereof. The protagonist resists at first but eventually agrees. Deep below the college, two drones watch the musical analysis and critique it. They decide later that the music is invaluable, for research purposes. The protagonist is commissioned for a new piece.

text: This is only seven sentences instead of the requested thirteen.

refinement: The protagonist is a pianist, and his music explores themes of loneliness. He rarely interacts with people outside playing his music. One day, his listener requests to see the music and analysis thereof. The protagonist resists at first but eventually agrees. Deep below the college, two drones watch the musical analysis and critique it. They decide later that the music is invaluable, for research purposes. The protagonist is commissioned for a new piece.

text: It's omitted that the drones are holding the pianist captive and debate the ethical nature of the captivity.

refinement: The protagonist is a pianist, and his music explores themes of loneliness. He rarely interacts with people outside playing his music. One day, his listener requests to see the music and analysis thereof. The protagonist resists at first but eventually agrees. Deep below the college, two drones watch the musical analysis and critique it. The drones are holding the pianist captive in order to learn about his music. One of the drones believes continually keeping the pianist captive is cruel, and suggests they have already gathered enough information. They decide later that the music is invaluable, for research purposes. The protagonist is commissioned for a new piece.

text: The purpose of keeping the pianist captive is omitted.

refinement: The protagonist is a pianist, and his music explores themes of loneliness. He rarely interacts with people outside playing his music. One day, his listener requests to see the music and analysis thereof. The protagonist resists at first but eventually agrees. Deep below the college, two drones watch the musical analysis and critique it. The drones are holding the pianist captive in order to learn about his music. One of the drones believes continually keeping the pianist captive is cruel, and suggests they have already gathered enough information. They decide later that the music is invaluable, for research purposes. The other drone says they need all the evidence they can get if they want to be better than humans. The protagonist is commissioned for a new piece.

text: The reason why the pianist resists is missing.

refinement: The protagonist is a pianist, and his music explores themes of loneliness. He rarely interacts with people outside playing his music. One day, his listener requests to see the music and analysis thereof. The protagonist resists at first but eventually agrees. He usually resists because he doesn't want to be forsaken for the art. Deep below the college, two drones watch the musical analysis and critique it. The drones are holding the pianist captive in order to learn about his music. One of the drones believes continually keeping the pianist captive is cruel, and suggests they have already gathered enough information. They decide later that the music is invaluable, for research purposes. The other drone says they need all the evidence they can get if they want to be better than humans. The protagonist is commissioned for a new piece.

answer:
The pianist finishes his ten-minute piece. He tells his patron that for a minute he had forgotten that she was there. She says she is not surprised every one of his pieces is better than the last. She writes notes throughout. She asks where he gets his inspiration. He tells her it’s about loneliness. She wants to know more about the process.

She asks to see his music. He had been reluctant to show his previous patrons but she seems to take a deep interest in his music. As she looks at the music, in another part of the university two drones see it projected upon a wall.

The music makes more sense than it did in the beginning, but the true meaning of the music eludes even the greatest minds amongst them. The junior drone begs to let the musician go so he can live among his own, but the elder says they must learn what they can from humans if they aspire to be their betters. The patron commissions another piece.

answer: The pianist finishes his song and his patron sits front and center. She asks him what his inspiration is. He says, "the feeling of loneliness." She always asks to see the music eventually, and he produces it for her. Elsewhere, two tall specular figures watch the patron in the auditorium. They project her actions onto a large screen. They utter a commentary. Elsewhere, they had found the musician and contacted him to work on music for some experiments they were conducting. They had since gathered enough samples for their research.

text: This is only eight sentences instead of the requested thirteen.

refinement: The pianist finishes his song and his patron sits front and center. She asks him what his inspiration is. He says, "the feeling of loneliness." She always asks to see the music eventually, and he produces it for her. Elsewhere, two tall specular figures watch the patron in the auditorium. They project her actions onto a large screen. They utter a commentary. Elsewhere, they had found the musician and contacted him to work on music for some experiments they were conducting. They had since gathered enough samples for their research.

text: The "commentary" between the drones should be expanded.

refinement: The pianist finishes his song and his patron sits front and center. She asks him what his inspiration is. He says, "the feeling of loneliness." She always asks to see the music eventually, and he produces it for her. Elsewhere, two tall specular figures, drones, watch the patron in the auditorium. They project her actions onto a large screen. They debate whether it's ethical to continue keeping the pianist captive. One drone says that they have to collect all the information they can if they want to be better than humans. He refers to this captivity as humans' swansong.  Elsewhere, they had found the musician and contacted him to work on music for some experiments they were conducting. They had since gathered enough samples for their research.

text: "They had found the musician and contacted him..." is false. Replace this by saying that the patron smiles and asks the pianist for another commission.

refinement: The pianist finishes his song and his patron sits front and center. She asks him what his inspiration is. He says, "the feeling of loneliness." She always asks to see the music eventually, and he produces it for her. Elsewhere, two tall specular figures, drones, watch the patron in the auditorium. They project her actions onto a large screen. They debate whether it's ethical to continue keeping the pianist captive. One drone says that they have to collect all the information they can if they want to be better than humans. He refers to this captivity as humans' swansong. Back in the auditorium, the patron smiles and asks the pianist for another commission. They had since gathered enough samples for their research.

text: "They had since gathered enough..." is false.

refinement: The pianist finishes his song and his patron sits front and center. She asks him what his inspiration is. He says, "the feeling of loneliness." She always asks to see the music eventually, and he produces it for her. Elsewhere, two tall specular figures, drones, watch the patron in the auditorium. They project her actions onto a large screen. They debate whether it's ethical to continue keeping the pianist captive. One drone says that they have to collect all the information they can if they want to be better than humans. He refers to this captivity as humans' swansong. Back in the auditorium, the patron smiles and asks the pianist for another commission.

text: It's omitted that the pianist sometimes feels skeptical because he doesn't want people to forsake the artist for the art.

refinement: The pianist finishes his song and his patron sits front and center. She asks him what his inspiration is. He says, "the feeling of loneliness." She always asks to see the music eventually, and he produces it for her. Sometimes, he is hesitant because he doesn't want to be forsaken for his art. Elsewhere, two tall specular figures, drones, watch the patron in the auditorium. They project her actions onto a large screen. They debate whether it's ethical to continue keeping the pianist captive. One drone says that they have to collect all the information they can if they want to be better than humans. He refers to this captivity as humans' swansong. Back in the auditorium, the patron smiles and asks the pianist for another commission.


split: train

text:
_WAR AND TURPENTINE_ (original title in Dutch: _OORLOG EN TERPENTIJN_) is a 2013 novel by Belgian author Stefan Hertmans, originally published by De Bezige Bij. It is a novel about his grandfather, the artist Urbain Martien, during World War I. Hertmans says he based it on the notebooks his grandfather gave him in 1981. It was translated into English by David McKay and published by Pantheon Books in the US and by Harvill Secker in the UK. It has been translated in twenty languages so far.[1] By 2015, the Dutch version had sold over 200,000 copies.[2] It was longlisted for the Man Booker International Prize in 2017.[3]

Synopsis

The work of historical fiction reconstructs the life of the narrator’s grandfather, Urbain Martien, before, during and after the First World War – as parts 1, 2 and 3 of the book. The narrator opens with a framing device, purporting to draw upon recollections in notebooks left him by the grandfather. (In an interview, Hertmans asserted that the novel indeed captures the memories of his own grandfather as recorded in a pair of notebooks decades after the war. “He gave me the notebooks a few months before he died, in 1981.”[4] The novel’s narrator left the notebooks unread, until gaining the wherewithal to face the material, and then to re-work them into a work of fiction, some thirty years later—the hundredth anniversary of the war.

The main character, Urbain Martien, was raised in a suburban quarter of Ghent during the _belle-époque_, and was devoted to his Roman Catholic faith. His father, Franciscus Martien, worked as a fresco painter for parish churches in the Low Countries and finally, in England. Urbain, in turn, acquired an interest in drawing and painting from his father. Urbain's mother, Céline Andries, endured the premature death of her husband, remarried, and saw her son Urbain off to work in a foundry and then, in 1914, off to war.

At the outbreak of the Great War, the 23 year-old Urbain is sent to the front, where he becomes a disciplined soldier and decorated combat hero, and ever the dutiful . The agonies of trench warfare are described “from up close.” Injuries take Ubain to recover in Liverpool—coincidentally the site of one of his father's paintings.

In the third section, Urbain returns home, falls in love with Maria Emelia Ghys, a step-sister. Before he can marry, the story takes a tragic turn, when Maria succumbs in the Spanish flu epidemic. Urbain marries Maria's sister Gabrielle, producing a daughter (the narrator's mother) in 1922, but the union lacks the affection Urbain had known with Maria Emielia. Urbain continues as a devoted artist (and especially as a copyist) into early retirement and until his death. The grandson, the narrator, visits sites in West Flanders and reviews personal archival materials, in an attempt to understand, even reconstruct, something of his grandfather's life experiences.

Reception

It was named one of the 10 Best Books of 2016 by _The New York Times Book Review_.[5] It was also included in the list of Books of the Year from _The Economist_[6] The review in the _Guardian_ called it a “future classic” and compared it to the works of W. G. Sebald, as did the NYT Book Review.[7]

The Irish Times gave it a less favourable review, calling it “an important work” but negatively comparing the “somewhat flat and toneless” prose to that of W. G. Sebald and calling it “less convincing artistically”.[8]

Awards

-   2014: AKO Literatuurprijs[9]
-   2016: Inktaap[10]

Translations

-   _Min bedstefars himmel_, Danish, 2014, translated by Birthe Lundsgaard, People's Press
-   _Krig og terpentin_, Norwegian, 2014, translated by Hedda Vormeland, Pax
-   _Rat i terpentin_, Serbian, 2014, translated by Ivana Šćepanović, Heliks
-   _Guerre et térébenthine_, French, 2015, translated by Isabelle Rosselin, Gallimard
-   _Guerra e trementina_, Italian, 2015, translated by Laura Pignatti, Marsilio
-   _Der Himmel meines Großvaters_, German, 2015, translated by Ira Wilhelm, Hanser Verlag
-   _Wojny i terpentyna_, Polish, 2015, translated by Alicja Oczko, Marginesy
-   Japanese translation, 2015
-   _Vojna in terpentin_, Slovenian, 2015, translated by Staša Pavlović, Studentska zalozba
-   _Krig of terpentin_, Swedish, 2015, translated by Ingrid Wikén Bonde, Norstedts
-   _War and Turpentine_, English, 2016, translated by David McKay
-   _Oorlog en terpentyn_, Afrikaans, 2016, translated by Daniel Hugo, Protea Boekhuis
-   _Háború és terpentin_, Hungarian, 2016, translated by Miklós Fenyves, Európa
-   Croatian version, 2016, translated by Romana Perečinec, Fraktura

Notes

Category:2013 novels Category:Belgian novels Category:Novels set during World War I Category:Works set in Flanders Category:De Bezige Bij books

[1]

[2]

[3]

[4]

[5]

[6]

[7]

[8]

[9]

[10]

title: War and Turpentine

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

Who is Stefan Hertmans?

answer: A Belgian author who wrote the novel, War and Turpentine

answer: Stefan Hertmans is the author of War and Turpentine.

text: It's omitted that Hertmans is Belgian.

refinement: Stefan Hertmans is the Belgian author of War and Turpentine.

answer: Stefan Hertmans is the author of the 2013 novel, "War and Turpentine".

text: It's omitted that Hertmans is Belgian.

refinement: Stefan Hertmans is the Belgian author of the 2013 novel, "War and Turpentine".

answer: Stefan Hertmans is a Belgian author.

text: It's omitted that he wrote War and Turpentine.

refinement: Stefan Hertmans is a Belgian author who wrote War and Turpentine.

answer: He is a Belgian author who wrote the novel, War and Turpentine, in 2013.

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

What is Hertmans' novel "War and Turpentine" all about?

answer: It's based off the life of Hertmans' grandfather, an artist named Urbain Martien, who lived during World War I.

answer: The novel reconstructs the life of the narrator's grandfather, Urbain Martien, during the First World War. It focuses on the protagonist's experiences both at the front and at home and explores the personal costs of war.

text: It should be mentioned that the narrator is Hertmans.

refinement: The novel reconstructs the life of Hertmans' grandfather, Urbain Martien, during the First World War. It focuses on the protagonist's experiences both at the front and at home and explores the personal costs of war.

text: It's omitted that the book explores before and after the war as well.

refinement: The novel reconstructs the life of Hertmans' grandfather, Urbain Martien, before, during and after the First World War. It focuses on the protagonist's experiences both at the front and at home and explores the personal costs of war.

text: It doesn't say in the synopsis that the book explores "the personal costs of war", so it would be better to omit that.

refinement: The novel reconstructs the life of Hertmans' grandfather, Urbain Martien, during and after the First World War. It focuses on the protagonist's experiences both at the front and at home.

answer: The work of historical fiction reconstructs the life of narrator's grandfather, Urbain Martien, before, during, and after the first world war.

text: It's omitted that the narrator is Hertmans.

refinement: The work of historical fiction reconstructs the life of Hertmans' grandfather, Urbain Martien, before, during, and after the first world war.

text: "First world war" should be capitalized.

refinement: The work of historical fiction reconstructs the life of Hertmans' grandfather, Urbain Martien, before, during, and after the First World War.

answer: The three-part book is historical fiction based on the life of his grandfather, Urbain Martien, during and after the First World War. Hertmans says he captured his grandfather's memories as recorded in a pair of notebooks his grandfather gave him a few months before passing away in 1981.

text: "His grandfather" should be specified as Hertmans'.

refinement: The three-part book is historical fiction based on the life of Hertmans' grandfather, Urbain Martien, during and after the First World War. Hertmans says he captured his grandfather's memories as recorded in a pair of notebooks his grandfather gave him a few months before passing away in 1981.

text: The book also captures before the war, which is omitted from the answer.

refinement: The three-part book is historical fiction based on the life of Hertmans' grandfather, Urbain Martien, before, during and after the First World War. Hertmans says he captured his grandfather's memories as recorded in a pair of notebooks his grandfather gave him a few months before passing away in 1981.

answer: "War and Turpentine" is a historical fiction novel about the experiences of the author's grandfather during World War I. The main character, Urbain Martien, is a decorated combat hero during the war and afterwards experiences tragedy when his fiancée dies of the Spanish flu. Urbain remarries and lives a life devoted to his art into his retirement. The novel reconstructs Urbain's life based on his grandfather's notebooks given to the author three decades after the war.

text: The notebooks were given much later than three decades after the war, which makes that claim false.

refinement: "War and Turpentine" is a historical fiction novel about the experiences of the author's grandfather during World War I. The main character, Urbain Martien, is a decorated combat hero during the war and afterwards experiences tragedy when his fiancée dies of the Spanish flu. Urbain remarries and lives a life devoted to his art into his retirement. The novel reconstructs Urbain's life based on his grandfather's notebooks given to the author several decades after the war.

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

Which character from the book died because of the Spanish Flu epidemic?

answer: Maria Emelia Ghys died because of the Spanish Flu epidemic.

answer: Maria Emelia Ghys died because of the Spanish Flu epidemic.

answer: Urbain's step-sister, Maria Emelia Ghys, the woman he falls in love with after returning home from the war.

answer: Maria Emelia Ghys.

answer: Maria Emelia Ghys. She was the one that Urbain had fallen in love with and could marry.

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

How was the novel "War and Turpentine" received by critics?

answer: The novel was praised by reviewers, earning a spot on several year-end "best books" lists, including from The New York Times Book Review, The Economist and The Guardian. It was also included in the list of Books of the Year from The Economist. The Irish Times gave it a less favorable review, however.

text: The Guardian didn't have it on a best books list according the article.

refinement: The novel was praised by reviewers, earning a spot on several year-end "best books" lists, including from The New York Times Book Review, and The Economist. It was also included in the list of Books of the Year from The Economist. The Irish Times gave it a less favorable review, however.

text: It's already stated in the first sentence that The Economist puts the book on a best books list. The second sentence is redundant.

refinement: The novel was praised by reviewers, earning a spot on several year-end "best books" lists, including from The New York Times Book Review, and The Economist. The Irish Times gave it a less favorable review, however.

answer: The Irish Times gave it a less favorable review but compared it to the works of W.G. Sebald and called it "an important work".

text: This neglects to say that the book had favorable reviews from The New York Times, The Economist, and the Guardian.

refinement: The Irish Times gave it a less favorable review but compared it to the works of W.G. Sebald and called it "an important work". It had favorable reviews from The New York Times, The Economist, and the Guardian.

answer: It was named one of the 10 Best Books of 2016 by the New York Times Book Review and was included in The Economist's list of Books of the Year. The Guardian called it a future classic and compared it to the works of W.G. Sebald. The Irish Times, however, gave the book a less than favorable review, calling it "important work" but "somewhat flat and toneless."

answer: It received a less favourable review by the Irish Times.

text: This neglects to say that the book had favorable reviews from The New York Times, The Economist, and the Guardian.

refinement: It received a less favourable review by the Irish Times. It had favorable reviews from The New York Times, The Economist, and the Guardian.

answer: The novel has been widely praised by critics, with The New York Times Book Review naming it one of the 10 best books of 2016. The Irish Times gave it a less favourable review, however, negatively comparing its prose to that of W. G. Sebald.

question: Write a ~4 sentence summary.

answer: Belgian author Stefan Hertmans wrote a novel in 2013 entitled "War and Turpentine. The book is a three-part, historical fiction novel based on the life of his grandfather Urbain Martien, during and after the First World War. Hertmans says he was able to capture his grandfather's memories by using a pair of notebooks his grandfather gave him before passing away in 1981. The book received mostly positive reviews from The New York Times and The Guardian.

text: The novel also covered Martien before the war.

refinement: Belgian author Stefan Hertmans wrote a novel in 2013 entitled "War and Turpentine. The book is a three-part, historical fiction novel based on the life of his grandfather Urbain Martien, before, during and after the First World War. Hertmans says he was able to capture his grandfather's memories by using a pair of notebooks his grandfather gave him before passing away in 1981. The book received mostly positive reviews from The New York Times and The Guardian.

answer: "War and Turpentine" is a historical fiction about the life of the grandfather of the narrator, Urbain Martien, during World War I. Beginning with a framing device in which the narrator claims to glean memories of Urbain from notebooks that he received decades after the war, the novel traces Urbain's life at battle during the war, his return home and his relationships with family and friends. The book has received largely positive reviews and has been translated into twenty languages to date.

text: It's omitted that Hertmans is the author and narrator.

refinement: "War and Turpentine" is a historical fiction about the life of the grandfather of the narrator, Urbain Martien, during World War I. Stefan Hertmans wrote the book and is the narrator Beginning with a framing device in which the narrator claims to glean memories of Urbain from notebooks that he received decades after the war, the novel traces Urbain's life at battle during the war, his return home and his relationships with family and friends. The book has received largely positive reviews and has been translated into twenty languages to date.

text: It's omitted the book was released in 2013.

refinement: "War and Turpentine" is a 2013 historical fiction about the life of the grandfather of the narrator, Urbain Martien, during World War I. Stefan Hertmans wrote the book and is the narrator. Beginning with a framing device in which the narrator claims to glean memories of Urbain from notebooks that he received decades after the war, the novel traces Urbain's life at battle during the war, his return home and his relationships with family and friends. The book has received largely positive reviews and has been translated into twenty languages to date.

text: Martien's life was also detailed before and after the war.

refinement: "War and Turpentine" is a 2013 historical fiction about the life of the grandfather of the narrator, Urbain Martien, before, during, and after World War I. Stefan Hertmans wrote the book and is the narrator. Beginning with a framing device in which the narrator claims to glean memories of Urbain from notebooks that he received decades after the war, the novel traces Urbain's life at battle during the war, his return home and his relationships with family and friends. The book has received largely positive reviews and has been translated into twenty languages to date.

answer: War and Turpentine, or Oorlog en Terpentyn in Dutch, is a 2013 novel by Belgian author Stefan Hertmans. Hertmans says he based the novel on his grandfather, Urbain Martien, and his experiences during World War I. The book has been translated into English, French, Italian, German, Japanese, Swedish, and many other languages. The novel received a prestigious prize for fiction and was selected by The New York Times as being one of the 10 Best Books of 2016.

text: Based off the article, the novel never received a prestigious prize for fiction. This should be replaced by saying it was longlisted for the Man Booker International Prize in 2017.

refinement: War and Turpentine, or Oorlog en Terpentyn in Dutch, is a 2013 novel by Belgian author Stefan Hertmans. Hertmans says he based the novel on his grandfather, Urbain Martien, and his experiences during World War I. The book has been translated into English, French, Italian, German, Japanese, Swedish, and many other languages. The novel was longlisted for the Man Booker International Prize in 2017, and was selected by The New York Times as being one of the 10 Best Books of 2016.

text: Martien's life was also detailed before and after the war.

refinement: War and Turpentine, or Oorlog en Terpentyn in Dutch, is a 2013 novel by Belgian author Stefan Hertmans. Hertmans says he based the novel on his grandfather, Urbain Martien, and his experiences before, during, and after World War I. The book has been translated into English, French, Italian, German, Japanese, Swedish, and many other languages. The novel was longlisted for the Man Booker International Prize in 2017, and was selected by The New York Times as being one of the 10 Best Books of 2016.

answer: War and Turpentine is a war-time novel, by Belgian author Stefan Hertmans, published by De Bezige Bij. It reconstructs the life of Hertmans' grandfather, Urbain Martinie, who was a combat officer during World War I. The novel has been translated into many languages, and by 2015 it had sold over 200,000 copies. It was longlisted for the Man Booker International Prize in 2017 and received many positive reviews.

text: It would be more accurate to label Martien as an artist, as well.

refinement: War and Turpentine is a war-time novel, by Belgian author Stefan Hertmans, published by De Bezige Bij. It reconstructs the life of Hertmans' grandfather, Urbain Martinie, who was a combat officer and artist during World War I. The novel has been translated into many languages, and by 2015 it had sold over 200,000 copies. It was longlisted for the Man Booker International Prize in 2017 and received many positive reviews.

text: "Martinie" is spelled wrong.

refinement: War and Turpentine is a war-time novel, by Belgian author Stefan Hertmans, published by De Bezige Bij. It reconstructs the life of Hertmans' grandfather, Urbain Martien, who was a combat officer and artist during World War I. The novel has been translated into many languages, and by 2015 it had sold over 200,000 copies. It was longlisted for the Man Booker International Prize in 2017 and received many positive reviews.

text: It's omitted that the novel was released in 2013.

refinement: War and Turpentine is a war-time novel, by Belgian author Stefan Hertmans, published by De Bezige Bij and released in 2013. It reconstructs the life of Hertmans' grandfather, Urbain Martien, who was a combat officer and artist during World War I. The novel has been translated into many languages, and by 2015 it had sold over 200,000 copies. It was longlisted for the Man Booker International Prize in 2017 and received many positive reviews.

text: Martien's life was also detailed before and after the war.

refinement: War and Turpentine is a war-time novel, by Belgian author Stefan Hertmans, published by De Bezige Bij and released in 2013. It reconstructs the life of Hertmans' grandfather, Urbain Martien, who was a combat officer and artist before, during, and after World War I. The novel has been translated into many languages, and by 2015 it had sold over 200,000 copies. It was longlisted for the Man Booker International Prize in 2017 and received many positive reviews.

answer: "War and Turpentine" is a historical novel about Stefan Hertmans' grandfather, Urbain Martien, during World War I. The work reconstructs Urbain's life before, during, and after the war, describing the horrors of trench warfare. The main character falls in love and marries, only to tragically lose his wife to the Spanish flu. He remarries and survives until old age, but remains devoted to art throughout.

text: It would be better to replace the second sentence by mentioning that Hertmans used Martien's notebooks to re-work into historical fiction.

refinement: "War and Turpentine" is a historical novel about Stefan Hertmans' grandfather, Urbain Martien, during World War I. The work reconstructs Urbain's life before, during, and after the war, describing the horrors of trench warfare. Hertmans used Martien's notebooks to re-work into historical fiction. He remarries and survives until old age, but remains devoted to art throughout.

text: It's omitted that Hertmans is the author.

refinement: "War and Turpentine" is a historical novel about the author Stefan Hertmans' grandfather, Urbain Martien, during World War I. The work reconstructs Urbain's life before, during, and after the war, describing the horrors of trench warfare. Hertmans used Martien's notebooks to re-work into historical fiction. He remarries and survives until old age, but remains devoted to art throughout.

text: It's omitted that the book was released in 2013 and received generally positive reviews. This can replace the fourth sentence, as it's more important.

refinement: "War and Turpentine" is a historical novel about the author Stefan Hertmans' grandfather, Urbain Martien, during World War I. The work reconstructs Urbain's life before, during, and after the war, describing the horrors of trench warfare. Hertmans used Martien's notebooks to re-work into historical fiction. The book was released in 2013 and received generally positive reviews.


text:
Jack lay flat on his stomach not moving a muscle. Eyes widened and throat dry, his late night jog had now turned in to a terrifying ordeal.  The woods were dark , except for a few rays of light peering in from the moon above. Jack had ventured far from his regular path and was face to face with something fierce. Something unnatural. He had seen it when searching for a way back to the regular path. A thin, long figure, walking in between the trees. Its form mimicked that of the surrounding wood. Arms as long as light poles and legs as tall as cedars. When it spotted Jack it snapped to him immediately, emitting an unnerving bellow-like roar. It rang deep, shaking the very leaves from treetops. It's eye sockets glowed a dim yellow as if an old dusty lamp had been lit inside.

As Jack lay, he could hear it ambling towards him with a heavy step. Leaves and logs snapped with ease beneath its power. Jack's heart began to beat fast and he feared it would soon give out. Eventually it was upon him. He felt a warm air misting on to his neck from its' powerful labored breaths. Jack dare not look up. He hoped if he lay still it would walk away thinking he was dead. He was wrong. The thing shifted its' weight; its' body sounding like a moaning wooden bridge. His waist was grasped with a powerful grip and he was raised up high in the air to meet his pursuer. It's face was pasted with wooden bark and dried leaves. It ground, what appeared to be, its teeth back and forth; sap dripping out as if salivating over a fresh meal. Jack struggled to free himself but it was useless. He felt his waist cracking under the pressure of the tightening grip and felt he could take no more. "Help..Me!" he screamed gasping for air. This angered the creature and it clenched even tighter. Bones crunched and snapped somewhere in Jacks body but he couldn't exactly pinpoint where due to the immense pain and fear consuming him.Falling in and out of consciousness, Jack looked into the monsters stale gaze. There was no compassion or mercy in its' eyes. It was hungry and he was its' meal. Simple as that. His last thought before being consumed was short.

"I should..have bought a treadmill.."

title: Night Jog- ( this story wasn't "scaryshortstory "proof because of too many sentences in the second paragraph.)

question: Who is the main character of the story?

answer: Jack

answer: The main character of the story is Jack, who unexpectedly encounters a monster in the dark woods during his late night jog.

text: There's too much detail in this for the scope of the question.

refinement: The main character of the story is Jack.

answer: The main character is Jack. He becomes lost during his jog in the woods and is viciously attacked by a strange beast-like being.

text: There's too much detail in this for the scope of the question.

question: Where is Jack when he encounters something unnatural?

answer: Jogging in the woods at night.

answer: He ventured in the woods late at night.

text: Grammar- Jack is doing something when he encounters something, so it should be framed that way. Also there's nothing about this sentence to indicate what Jack has done or where he is is abnormal for him, when he kind of did stray from his usual path.

answer: Jack had ventured far from his regular jogging path in the woods.

question: What was pursuing Jack in the woods?

answer: A giant, bone-crushing monster was after him.

answer: a monster

answer: A creature.

question: What happens to Jack?

answer: Jack falls out of consciousness and is consumed by the monster.

text: He doesn't fall out of consciousness-the text states he had one last thought before being consumed.

answer: An unknown monster drags Jack away.

text: It also eats Jack.

refinement: An unknown monster drags Jack away and then eats him.

answer: A creature called Fearsome Face devours him.

text: There's no mention of Fearsome Face in the text I am reading to complete this task.

question: Write a ~1 sentence summary.

answer: A helpless jogger is ambushed and killed by a monster.

text: I would add his name and where it happened.

refinement: A helpless jogger named Jack is ambushed in the woods and killed by a monster.

answer: The text is the thoughts of a jogger in the woods as he is about to be eaten alive by the creature that he thought he had seen.

text: The syntax in this is oddly passive. I think for the purpose of a summary, you should focus on the action (where applicable/if there is action in the story). You don't need to reference the fact that you are summarizing a text-that's a given.

refinement: A jogger in the woods thinks he sees a creature, which confirms it is real when it drags him and eats him alive.

text: Jack is actually eaten which is important.

refinement: A jogger in the woods thinks he sees a creature, which is about to eat him alive.

answer: Jack was jogging until he was confronted by a horrifying creature and killed.

text: Personally I would add that he is eaten, specifically.

refinement: Jack was jogging until he was confronted by a horrifying creature and eaten.

answer: Jack ventures away from his regular jogging path in the woods at night and is consumed by a bone-crushing monster.

answer: Jack finally removes himself from his jog and finds himself in a scary situation.

text: I don't think "finally removes himself from his jog" feels like natural speech here, nor is it succinct or compelling.

refinement: Jack, out on a jog, finds himself in a scary situation.

text: There need to be specifics about the scary situation.

refinement: Jack, out on a jog, finds himself in a scary situation in which he is first followed and then attacked by a monster.

text: Finally, we need to know that Jack meets his demise.

refinement: Jack, out on a jog, finds himself in a scary situation in which he is first followed and then attacked by a monster who consumes him.

answer: This story introduces a monster, which stalks and kills a man.

text: I would change around some of the wording to reflect the fact that Jack is the center of this story-the story does not follow the monster.

refinement: This story introduces Jack, who is stalked and killed by a monster.

text: I think more details could be added.

refinement: This story introduces Jack, who is stalked and killed by a monster while out in the woods on a jog.

text: I don't think you need to preface with "this story", as the reader already knows you are referencing a text due to the nature of a summary.

refinement: Jack is stalked and killed by a monster while out in the woods on a jog.


text:
DAVID GEORGE BALDWIN (born March 30, 1938) is an American former professional baseball pitcher.

Life and career

[Dave Baldwin in 2007] Born in Tucson, Arizona, on March 30, 1938, Baldwin pitched for three years for the University of Arizona. In the 1959 College World Series he beat Fresno State 5 to 1 on a two-hitter and lost the final game of the series 5 to 3 to Oklahoma State.[1] He signed with the Philadelphia Phillies in 1959 and pitched on three pennant winners in his first four years of pro ball.[2]

Later, he was a relief specialist for the Washington Senators (1966–69), Milwaukee Brewers (1970), and Chicago White Sox (1973). In 176 games he compiled a record of 6 wins and 11 losses, with 23 saves and an ERA of 3.08. The combined batting average of opponents against him was .234. In 1967, he ranked 3rd in the American League and 5th in the major leagues (of pitchers with 10 or more appearances) with an ERA of 1.70.[3] That season he ranked 5th in the American League for relief runs saved (11.8), ranked 7th in saves (12), and ranked 9th in pitching appearances (58).[4] In 1970, Baldwin led major league pitchers in range factor per nine innings (a measure of fielding proficiency) with a value of 5.094, the seventh highest value ever compiled.[5]

In 1974, Baldwin, at age 36, was the second oldest player in both the Pacific Coast League and the American Association.[6] Baldwin did not commit an error during his six-year major league career, handling 64 total chances (15 putouts, 49 assists) and committed only three errors throughout the 16 years he played professional baseball. But he was arguably the worst hitter in major league history. He achieved the only base hit of his career by beating out a bunt.

After he retired from baseball in 1974 he earned a Ph.D. in genetics and an M.S. in systems engineering from the University of Arizona.[7] He worked as a geneticist, engineer, and artist until his retirement in 2003.[8] Subsequently, he has collaborated with other researchers studying the physics, physiology, and psychology of baseball.[9] In addition, he has published his baseball memoir, _Snake Jazz_, and (under the pen name “DGB Featherkile”) a collection of his poetry, _Limbic Hurly-Burly_. Many of his poems have appeared in such journals as American Poetry Journal, Blue Unicorn, and Evansville Review.[10] His poetry won the Atlanta Review's 2007 International Publication Prize and the 2009 Fluvanna Prize from The Lyric.

Baldwin's painting “Fugue for the Pepper Players” is in the collection of the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York, and was featured in _Treasures of the Baseball Hall of Fame_ by John Thorn (1998) pp. 188–189.[11][12]

Baldwin has been inducted into the University of Arizona Sports Hall of Fame (class of 2015) and the Pima County, Arizona, Sports Hall of Fame (class of 2011). He received the Professional Achievement Award from the University of Arizona Alumni Association in 2009.

Selected publications

-   Bahill, A. T. & Baldwin, D. G. (2007) “Describing baseball pitch movement with right-hand rules”, _Computers in Biology and Medicine_, 37:1001–1008.
-   Bahill, A.T. & Baldwin, D. G. (2004) “The rising fastball and other perceptual illusions of batters.” In _Biomedical Engineering Principles in Sports_. G. K. Hung and J. M. Pallis, eds. NY: Kluwer Academic / Plenum. pp. 257–287.
-   Bahill, A. T., Baldwin, D. G., & Venkateswaran, J. (2005) “Predicting a baseball's path”, _American Scientist_, 93(3):218-225.
-   Baldwin, D. (2008) _Snake Jazz_. Philadelphia: Xlibris (self-published).
-   Baldwin, D. G. (2001) “How to win the blame game”, _Harvard Business Review_, 79(7):55-62.
-   Baldwin, D. G. and Bahill, A.T. (2004) “A model of the bat's vertical sweetness gradient.” In The Engineering of Sport (5). M. Hubbard, R.D. Mehta, and J. M. Pallis, eds. Proceedings of the 5th International Engineering of Sport Conference, September 13–16, 2004, Davis, California, International Sports Engineering Association (ISEA), Sheffield, UK, 2:305–311.
-   Baldwin, D. G., Bahill, A.T., and Nathan, A. (2007) “Nickel and dime pitches”, _Baseball Research Journal_, 35:25-29.
-   Featherkile, DGB. (2009) _Limbic Hurly-Burly: Poems of Humor and Paradox_. Yachats, Oregon: Stillman & Hyla.
-   Mangan, R. L. and Baldwin, D. (1986) “A new cryptic species of Odontoloxozus (Neriidae: Diptera) from the cape region of Baja California Sur (Mexico).” _Proceedings of the Entomological Society of Washington (D.C.)_, 88:110-121.
-   McBeath, M. K., Nathan, A. M., Bahill, A. T., and Baldwin, D.G. (2008) “Paradoxical pop-ups: Why are they difficult to catch?” _American Journal of Physics_, 76(8):723-729.

Selected Solo Art Exhibits

[Dave Baldwin's painting “Fugue for the Pepper Players”]

-   _Thousand Oaks Civic Arts Plaza_, Thousand Oaks, California (Apr.-May 1997).
-   _Grants Pass Museum of Art_, Grants Pass, Oregon (June–July 1997).
-   _R. Howard Dobbs University Center_, Emory University, Atlanta (Nov. 1997).
-   _Sarratt Gallery_, Vanderbilt University, Nashville, Tennessee (Jan.-Feb. 1998).
-   _Randall L. Jones Theatre_, Utah Shakespearean Festival, Southern Utah University, Cedar City, Utah (June-Aug. 1998).

[1]

[2]

[3]

[4]

[5]

[6]

[7]

[8]

[9]

[10]

[11]

[12]

title: Dave Baldwin (baseball)

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

What does the text say about Dave Baldwin's career after he retired from professional baseball?

answer: Dave Baldwin was a relief specialist in Major League Baseball for three different teams from 1966 to 1973. After retiring in 1974, he earned a Ph.D. in genetics and an M.S. in systems engineering. He has since worked as a geneticist, engineer, and artist. Additionally, Baldwin has published his baseball memoir, and has exhibited his art work around the country.

text: "Dave Baldwin was a relief specialist in Major League Baseball for three different teams from 1966 to 1973." - this is irrelevant to his career after baseball.

refinement: After retiring in 1974, he earned a Ph.D. in genetics and an M.S. in systems engineering. He has since worked as a geneticist, engineer, and artist. Additionally, Baldwin has published his baseball memoir, and has exhibited his art work around the country.

text:
"memoir," - remove the comma
"art work" - should be "artwork"

refinement: After retiring in 1974, he earned a Ph.D. in genetics and an M.S. in systems engineering. He has since worked as a geneticist, engineer, and artist. Additionally, Baldwin has published his baseball memoir and has exhibited his artwork around the country.

text: The response is missing a few details.

refinement: After retiring in 1974, he earned a Ph.D. in genetics and an M.S. in systems engineering from the University of Arizona. He has since worked as a geneticist, engineer, and artist. He collaborated with other researchers studying the physics, physiology, and psychology of baseball. Additionally, Baldwin has published his baseball memoir, a collection of his poetry (Libic Hurly Burly), and has exhibited his artwork around the country.

text: "has exhibited his artwork around the country." - is inaccurate. His poetry made the rounds in American poetry journals and won awards. There was no mention of his painting being exhibited around the country, but it is in the collection of the Baseball Hall of Fame in NY and was featured in a book about baseball.

refinement: After retiring in 1974, he earned a Ph.D. in genetics and an M.S. in systems engineering from the University of Arizona. He has since worked as a geneticist, engineer, and artist. He collaborated with other researchers studying the physics, physiology, and psychology of baseball. Additionally, Baldwin has published his baseball memoir, a collection of his poetry (Libic Hurly Burly), and his painting "Fugue for the Pepper Players" is in the collection of the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York.

answer: After Baldwin retired from baseball at the age of 36, he went on to earn a Ph.D. in genetics and an M.S. in systems engineering from the University of Arizona. He collaborated with researchers studying the physics, physiology and psychology of baseball. In 2003 he retired from working as a geneticist, engineer and artist.

text: Add a comma before each "and"

refinement: After Baldwin retired from baseball at the age of 36, he went on to earn a Ph.D. in genetics and an M.S. in systems engineering from the University of Arizona. He collaborated with researchers studying the physics, physiology, and psychology of baseball. In 2003 he retired from working as a geneticist, engineer, and artist.

text: The response is missing several details about Baldwin's artistic career.

refinement: After Baldwin retired from baseball at the age of 36, he went on to earn a Ph.D. in genetics and an M.S. in systems engineering from the University of Arizona. He collaborated with researchers studying the physics, physiology, and psychology of baseball. Baldwin published his baseball memoir, Snake Jazz, and a collection of his poetry entitled "Limbic Hurly Burly". His poems have appeared in several publications, including the American Poetry Journal and Blue Unicorn, and have also won awards. Baldwin also painted "Fugue for the Pepper Players" which is in the collection of the Baseball Hall of Fame in New York. In 2003 he retired from working as a geneticist, engineer, and artist.

answer: In 1974, after he retired from baseball, he earned a Ph.D. in genetics and an M.S. in systems engineering. He then worked as a geneticist, engineer, and artist until his retirement in 2003, collaborating with researchers and publishing journals. He has written an baseball memoir, Snake Jazz, and published his poetry in a book titled, Limbic Hurly-Burly. Many of his poems have appeared in journals such as American Poetry Journal and The Lyric.

text: "an" - change to "a"

refinement: In 1974, after he retired from baseball, he earned a Ph.D. in genetics and an M.S. in systems engineering. He then worked as a geneticist, engineer, and artist until his retirement in 2003, collaborating with researchers and publishing journals. He has written a baseball memoir, Snake Jazz, and published his poetry in a book titled, Limbic Hurly-Burly. Many of his poems have appeared in journals such as American Poetry Journal and The Lyric.

answer: Baldwin was a relief specialist for Washington Senators (1966–69), Milwaukee Brewers (1970), and Chicago White Sox (1973). He had a record of 6 wins and 11 losses with 23 saves. His ERA was 3.08. The combined batting average of opponents against him was 234. He was a relief specialist for the Washington Senators (1966–69), Milwaukee Brewers (1970), and Chicago White Sox (1973). He had a record of 6 wins and 11 losses with 23 saves. His ERA was 3.08. The combined batting average of opponents against him was 234.

text: The response failed to answer the question.

refinement: After retiring from baseball in 1974, Baldwin earned a Ph.D. in genetics and an M.S. in systems engineering from the University of Arizona. He worked as a geneticist and engineer, collaborating with other researchers studying the physics, physiology, and psychology of baseball. Baldwin is also an artist. He published a baseball memoir called "Snake Jazz" and released a collection of poetry (Limbic Hurly Burly) which was well received and even won awards. His painting, Fugue for the Pepper Players" is in the collection of the Baseball Hall of Fame in New York. He retired in 2003.

answer: The text says that Baldwin was a relief specialist in the major leagues and had a 6-11 record during his career. After retiring from baseball, he earned a Ph.D. in genetics and an M.S. in systems engineering from the University of Arizona. He has published a memoir and poetry and has had solo art exhibits.

text: "The text says that Baldwin was a relief specialist in the major leagues and had a 6-11 record during his career." - this is irrelevant and should be removed.

refinement: After retiring from baseball, he earned a Ph.D. in genetics and an M.S. in systems engineering from the University of Arizona. He has published a memoir and poetry and has had solo art exhibits.


text:
1.  REDIRECT List of rallies for the 2016 Donald Trump presidential campaign#Thank You Tour

Category:Aftermath of the 2016 United States presidential election Category:December 2016 events in the United States Category:Political career of Donald Trump

title: Thank You Tour

question: Write a ~1 sentence summary.

answer: The Thank You Tour is a rally made by Donald Trump following the 2016 Election.

answer: A Wikipedia page on a list of rallies for the 2016 Donald Trump presidential elections.

text: This is specifically a thank you tour.

refinement: Thank you rallies arranged for Trump supporters following the 2016 presidential elections.

answer: This article lists a series of campaign rallies from the 2016 Trump Presidential campaign, with a focus on thanking the Republican voters who helped to put his election into pulse.

answer: Donald Trump launched his Thank You Tour last month following his election victory. The tour is meant to thank his supporters nationwide.

answer: The Donald Trump campaign is kicking off a "Thank You Tour" following the 2016 presidential election. The tour includes rallies in key swing states in the aftermath of Trump's victory.


text:
Feedback welcome! I really like the idea and want to do it well. Let me know if there are any grammatical errors I missed. thanks!

----------------------------------------

I stop to catch my breath on the 43rd floor. On especially foggy days you can't see the top of the Columbia tower from the ground below. Your imagination doesn't strain to picture it rising up forever. The fog could clear and you would see black windows stretch on for miles into the the sky until you lose sight of it in the distance. This illusion is not shattered from the inside of the building.

Once a year there is a fundraiser where firefighters climb all 69 flights of stairs with full gear on to raise money for leukemia. Even if the cure for cancer was on the line, I still would have stripped my backpack off 10 stories ago. climbing these steps Isn't as bad after shedding 50 pounds.

I haven't slept in two and a half weeks. I know because I keep a tally of the passing days. 20 parallel lines and four vertical slashes etched into the base of the clock tower in King Street Station are the only reason I know I haven't been here for years. That fucking tower. Home of the only working clock in the city. All the others are simply stopped. Digital clocks and watches are just a series of random numbers. a new sequence every few seconds. The result is a change in perspective, the center of the city seems to have shifted to the station. It is where I first woke up 24 days ago and it is where I always return. So much time spent sitting at the base of that tower listening to the tick tick tick of the second hand.

Still climbing. Out the window I see the city sprawl into the distance. Not a sign of life. Not a single living thing as far as I can see. I'm alone here. 56th floor now. Not far from the top.

I tried to leave at first. See if there was life elsewhere. Maybe I was unconscious through an evacuation. Maybe there were electrical issues that would explain the clocks. I found that that wasn't the case. Something bigger is happening. Since there are no cars that will start I packed some food and water and tried to leave the city on foot. The fog made it impossible to leave. I must have walked for a day through the thick consuming grey that was heavy as water around me, making it impossible to see more than a couple feet ahead. I tried to tell myself that I just got turned around when the fog cleared and I came out in exactly the same place I entered it.

Unwavering consciousness is maddening. After a week you would kill to sleep for even an hour. A couple days in I was in a panic, tearing through medicine cabinets in an empty apartment,  I took everything I found. A handful of Valium and Ambien and I just laid there for two hours staring at the ceiling, clear headed and wide awake. Eventually my gaze dropped to look at the pictures on the walls. I felt nauseous. Not from the pills but from seeing the photographs around me. on the walls, on the dressers and bed side table. there were no people in them. Baby pictures with no babies. Empty cribs. Cheap family photo backdrops with no family in front. Pictures taken of people minus the people. I stood up and walked back into the bathroom to confirm my fear. In my frenzy I hadn't even taken a second to look in the mirror. No reflection. I broke the mirror and walked back to the station.

68th floor now.

For a while I was in a haze. Almost catatonic. What could I do? For days I wandered aimlessly, my footsteps the only sound I could hear.

A  couple days ago I broke the window of a house in a more residential part of the city and climbed in. In the living room I sat cross legged in front of a crate of vinyl records. I am unable to see another person but maybe I can hear one. I pull Abby Road from the crate and feel the chills roll down my spine when I see the cover. For some reason the reality of all of this really set in when I saw the empty street. The Isolation and hopelessness of my situation somehow came over me full force while I stared at the sleeve. The familiar scene was all there, the yellow bug on the left, the trees over the peaceful street lined with cars stretching into the distance, but no one in the crosswalk. I knew it would be anything but reassuring at this point but I put the record in and dropped the needle down. There was music, but no vocals. I should have enjoyed it anyway but it was only unsettling. I decided to go with Beethoven while I sat and tried to figure out what to do next.

Here I am. Looking down on the city from the observation deck of it's tallest skyscraper. The view is incredible. A vast concrete landscape meets beautiful blue water encompassed be blanket of fog in all directions. Like living in a snow globe. I take a moment to really appreciate it before picking up one of the heavy wooden chairs on the far end of the room. Luckily the glass is single pane and after three or four tries I swing the chair as hard as possible against the window and it finally gives, shattering outward, sending a glistening cloud of glass to the streets below. Looking over the edge, the ground looks miles away. I start to feel a breeze. The air has been still as long as I can remember. In the wind I hear a sound. It sounds like voices. Whispering. incoherent but there is no mistaking it. I take a deep breath. Then, exhaling every ounce of fear in my body, I jump. The street comes rushing toward me a thousand miles an hour, then black.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

My eyelids are heavy but I force them open. I'm blinded by fluorescent light. Plain white walls and sterile impersonal steel. Hospital. I feel the tubes all around me. The needles. Unnatural extensions of my body. Then a voice.

"Oh my god. Doctor! he's awake! Get in here now, he opened his eyes!"

A frenzy of motion all around me. Scuffling footsteps. A man in light blue scrubs is hovering over me, shining bright light into my eyes.

"Can you hear me? Blink if you can hear me. Are you able to speak?"

I understand but am unable to react. My body is not under my control. Dead weight.

"Keep your eyes open. Listen to my voice. stay with me!"

I can't. My vision begins to blur and sound begins to fade. The voices becoming unintelligible, far away.

"just stay with me."

Then black again.

------------------------------------------------------------------

I wake up and feel cold concrete. I'm confused and all I see is grey. Straining my eyes to look upward I see that familiar tower. It's dead silent
except for a Tick Tick Tick from the clock above.

title: short story I wrote today

question:
Answer the following question based on the above passage:

What made the narrator jump down from the top of the skyscraper?

answer: The narrator jumped from the top of the skyscraper because he could no longer bear the silence and isolation of the city.

answer:
The narrator wakes up to find the city empty. For days on end he treks the city hoping to find someone, anyone. Unfortunately, there was no one to be found. All he sees are empty stores, empty streets, empty homes with belongings still in them. He even tries to leave the town, but covering the edges of the town was a fog so thick that he could not get through. At last, the narrator decides to climb the tallest structure in the city - a tower with 69 flights of stairs. He gets to the top and them jumped down.

The narrator probably felt all alone and depressed. With no one around and no means to leave the city, he must have felt without hope.

text: "end" - add a comma.

refinement:
The narrator wakes up to find the city empty. For days on end, he treks the city hoping to find someone, anyone. Unfortunately, there was no one to be found. All he sees are empty stores, empty streets, empty homes with belongings still in them. He even tries to leave the town, but covering the edges of the town was a fog so thick that he could not get through. At last, the narrator decides to climb the tallest structure in the city - a tower with 69 flights of stairs. He gets to the top and them jumped down.

The narrator probably felt all alone and depressed. With no one around and no means to leave the city, he must have felt without hope.

answer: He overheard a voice in the breeze, the whispering of incoherent voices, the ticking of the clock, and the image of the city he once knew. It all made him question his reality since everything was vastly different (no people, no bugs and dead bodies). This made him fall into a catatonic state then wanting to die because of his questioning his reality.

text: "and" - add a comma.

refinement: He overheard a voice in the breeze, the whispering of incoherent voices, the ticking of the clock, and the image of the city he once knew. It all made him question his reality since everything was vastly different (no people, no bugs, and dead bodies). This made him fall into a catatonic state then wanting to die because of his questioning his reality.

text: "then wanting to die because of his questioning his reality." - this is irrelevant/redundant and should be deleted.

refinement: He overheard a voice in the breeze, the whispering of incoherent voices, the ticking of the clock, and the image of the city he once knew. It all made him question his reality since everything was vastly different (no people, no bugs, and dead bodies). This made him fall into a catatonic state.

answer: He was trying to find a way out of the fog.

text: "He was trying to find a way out of the fog." - this is inaccurate. Trying to find a way out of the fog was just one of the things the narrator did (and failed to do) but not the main reason why he jumped off the skyscraper.

refinement: He jumped because he has been awake for two and a half weeks now, despite taking valium, Ambien, and other drugs. He has also been wandering the city alone because there is no other living thing alive. He has no reflection in the mirror and there are no traces of other people, alive or dead, in pictures and other media. Isolation, helplessness, and lack of sleep have presumably driven him off the edge.

answer: The narrator jumped from the top of the tower because he was unable to withstand being awake and aware of the situation with no one else around.