text:
Perched on a steel beast of war, I pondered my own existence. A sergeant in the army, with a caring family and spouse, medals to my name and a desire to live. But how far did it go? How far can I run before I fall, and there is nobody there to pick me up? I wanted my memories to last forever. Lively, energetic, spirited: The men I commanded were my bread and butter. Valiantly serving under my order for 3 years prior to Operation Neptune, we held our lives in our rifles. I sat with them on our steel beast, waiting to be unloaded with the other men. How long did we have?

Huddled into a vehicle reminiscent to the Kraken himself, I became lost in thought. This strange plan, these peculiar men. Curled up amongst each other, ignorance of bliss, we stood shoulder by shoulder like lambs to the slaughter.

Dainty fingers dawdled on the triggers. Who was he? Who was he to take a life? Only the grateful had the heart to pull, and fire.

Eyes plunged backwards, body lurched forward. Crumpled to their knees. Fell to the trenches, writhing in the dirt, men howled in fits of pain.

Let the deceased roam the realms they no longer wanted to exist.

Waves trickled onto our clothes, soaking us from the inside out. The storm rose above our mortal toil; Mother Nature has no patience. Salty sea air tempted our nostrils of home and valour, but it did little to front the horrors on the beach. Gunfire ablaze, our Kraken approached the beachhead. This is true war. Fear, anger, pride, camaraderie, pain: a will to survive. Lead continued to find its way towards my men, but I convinced myself they could never hit me. Hot, piercing metal seared its way through the earth, which may as well have stood still, striking our position with brute inaccuracy. Inside the sudden silence, my superior barked those damn dreaded words.

I was told there was artillery inbound. No reinforcements. 30 seconds was all we had.

Mortar seemingly erupted from the crust, taking my men with it into the air. 3 of my men were taken in the first blast. They had aimed that one for my squad. These weren’t the first men to die with me, and certainly won’t be the last. More explosives inbound, and no clear way to escape. It didn’t look hopeless, just fatal. Another 2 fell down, injured, which is another pair of notches on my watch. The squad was starting to break down into fragments, and no longer sure who made it out, we tried to hide, run and fight.

Us, a ragtag group of soldiers, versus an entire German platoon. It was at this point we had all agreed to never be captured alive. We held our position over the lagoon, keeping our ground with joyful valence in the darkest hour. I took a step backwards, and promptly fell into the water. My men must have assumed I’d been hit, I didn’t see them again.

It seemed like I was floating gracefully for an eternity, and in my frenzy, I reasoned that I was hated by those I loved, and regrets filled my soul. It wasn’t death that did this; it was

war. I also reasoned that these would be my final emotions, my final tribute, to this earth, and I should cherish them. How would I know when I died? It faded to black long before I fell to my watery grave.

In my absence of consciousness, I was rescued by a British company steamrolling through the coastline, picking up survivors and POW’s alike. It appeared I was alive, and the luckiest one in the squad, according to those Brits. They would never be able to comprehend what I saw, and what I lost.

“It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who
are willing to endure pain with patience.”

- Julius Caesar

(Any and all constructive criticism greatly recommended)

title: [HF] Epitome of War

question: What happens to the narrator in the story?

answer: The narrator is a sergeant in the army. They are part of a squad that is about to be unloaded from a steel beast of war. The squad is attacked by a German platoon. The narrator falls into the water and is rescued by a British company.

critique: It is omitted that the narrator is the only one to survive the attack.

critique: The narrator's name is not mentioned in the text.

critique: The narrator is not unloaded from the steel beast of war.

critique: The answer does not mention the preparation for the bombardment or the narrator's feelings.

question: What does the story say about the men the narrator was commanding?

answer: The narrator was a sergeant in the army with a caring family and a desire to live. He commanded men who were lively, energetic, and spirited. The men he commanded were his bread and butter. They served under his order for 3 years prior to Operation Neptune. They held their lives in their rifles.

critique: The men the narrator was commanding were not the same men he commanded for 3 years.

critique: The answer should mention that the narrator's men were killed in action.

critique: The answer should mention the men's deaths.

critique: The answer should mention that the narrator is pondering his own existence.

critique: It's omitted that the men were killed by a mortar.

question: What does the story say about the clothes the soldiers were wearing?

answer: No answer

critique: The response misses to provide an answer to the task.

critique: The question is asking for specific details about the clothes the soldiers were wearing.

critique: The response misses to mention that the soldiers were wearing dainty fingers dawdled on the triggers.

critique: The story does mention the clothes the soldiers were wearing.

critique: Doesn't describe what the men were wearing.

question: What does the story say about the narrator's background?

answer: The narrator is a sergeant in the army and has a family and a spouse. He has medals to his name and wants his memories to last forever. He is described as a leader, a man who can command respect and loyalty from his men. He is described as lively, energetic, and spirited.

critique: The story does not mention anything about the narrator's background.

critique: The narrator's desire for his memories to last forever is not relevant to his background.

critique: The narrator is not described as a leader, a man who can command respect and loyalty from his men. He is described as lively, energetic, and spirited.

critique: The answer could mention the narrator's emotions.

critique: The narrator is not described as a leader.

critique: It's omitted that the narrator has been in the army for three years.

critique: There is no description that can make this story. What the narrator did was said in a passage and not as a whole summary of the story.


split: test

text:
TEHRAN, Iran (AP) — Stay-at-home mom Maryam Alidadi used to lead a comfortable middle-class life. The 35-year-old and her husband, a mechanic, could afford a spacious rental apartment in a central neighborhood of Tehran, along with a car, occasional restaurant meals and holidays abroad.

Now they are barely hanging on, even after drastically cutting spending.

Like most Iranians, the family was hit hard by the collapse of the national currency, accelerating inflation and eroding wages — fallout from unprecedented US sanctions.

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Perhaps most devastating for Iran’s large middle class has been the sharp spike in housing prices, more than double in a year. That has uprooted tenants and made home ownership unattainable for most.

[]

In this Saturday, July 6, 2019 photo, women walk on the shore of the Persian Gulf Martyrs’ Lake in Tehran, Iran (AP Photo/Ebrahim Noroozi)

The Alidadis sold their car and borrowed from friends and family to buy a smaller apartment in a less desirable area on the outskirts of Tehran — in hindsight a smart move, since they’ve been priced out of their old neighborhood by now.

“Right now, this is the most difficult period ever,” said Alidadi’s 58-year-old mother, Shahla Allahverdi, reflecting on the Islamic Republic’s 40-year history as she shared a park bench with her daughter.

Iranians worry about the future as tensions between Iran and the West continue to rise.

The escalation — triggered by the Trump administration’s withdrawal last year from Iran’s 2015 nuclear deal with world powers — seems unstoppable, and European mediators trying to defuse the situation keep coming up short.

The showdown between Washington and Tehran has upended the lives of Iranians as they try to survive on less. A bride borrowed a wedding dress because she couldn’t afford to buy or even rent one. More newlyweds move in with their families to save money. Visa requests are up at foreign embassies, with young Iranians eager to leave.

[]

In this July 3, 2019 photo, a worker adjusts a display of wedding dresses in downtown Tehran, Iran (AP Photo/Ebrahim Noroozi)

Some wonder how far Washington is willing to push its “maximum pressure” campaign.

The Trump administration says the sanctions are aimed at getting Iran to renegotiate the nuclear deal, which offered sanctions relief in exchange for curbs on Iran’s nuclear program.

Washington denies its ultimate aim is to end the rule of Shiite Muslim clerics — though John Bolton, an architect of the pressure campaign, called for regime change before he became Trump’s national security adviser.

Some say Washington’s actions appear to have strengthened the paramilitary Revolutionary Guard and other hard-liners at the expense of President Hassan Rouhani, once the nuclear deal’s most prominent champion.

The Guard has been able to deepen its role in the economy, domestic politics and foreign policy under the guise of security, said Ellie Geranmayeh, a senior fellow at the European Council on Foreign Relations.

Despite the economic upheaval, there have only been sporadic protests.

[]

A group of protesters chant slogans at the main gate of old grand bazaar in Tehran, Iran, Monday, June 25, 2018. Protesters in the Iranian capital swarmed its historic Grand Bazaar on Monday, news agencies reported, and forced shopkeepers to close their stalls in apparent anger over the Islamic Republic’s troubled economy, months after similar demonstrations rocked the country. (Iranian Labor News Agency via AP)

Iran analyst Adnan Tabatabai said he believes Iranians are “reluctant to take their grievances to the street” for now, amid fear of further chaos and pushback by the authorities.

The economy contracted by 4.9% from March 2018 to March 2019. It is expected to shrink by an additional 5.5% in the year ending March 2020, according to Iranian figures. The official inflation rate has risen to 35%, up from 23.8% in the March 2018 to March 2019 period.

The housing and construction sector, which makes up about one-quarter of the economy and is the top destination for savings and investments, has been thrown out of balance.

Property owners are reluctant to sell and landlords are sharply raising rents because of the currency collapse, said Ali Dadpay, a finance professor at the University of Dallas. He said an estimated 490,000 homes stand empty in and around the capital, including more than 40,000 units added this year.

At the same time, construction lags far behind the need of 1.2 million new homes a year nationwide, said Hesam Oghabaei, deputy head of the Tehran association of real estate agents. He said about 25% of Tehran’s residents live in rented apartments, and the vast majority cannot afford the price increases.

The Peyman family — elderly parents and eight adult children — own a 110 square meter (1,180 square feet) apartment in Tehran’s District 12, a poor area plagued by drug addiction and other social problems. More than a decade ago, the Peymans rented the apartment, and used the extra income to move to a nicer area.

Now they are back in District 12, renovating the old apartment after being squeezed out of the good neighborhood by a rent hike.

[]

In this July 6, 2019 photo, a woman walks in District 12, a poor area plagued by drug addiction and other social problems, in Tehran, Iran (AP Photo/Ebrahim Noroozi)

“We have to come here because we have no other choice,” said the patriarch, Moslem, 65. Four unmarried children will live with him and his wife. Across-the-board price increases put marriage out of reach.

One of Tehran’s newest areas, District 22, is under construction on the northwestern edge of the city. It consists of apartment high-rises and shopping malls arranged around an artificial lake called Chitgar.

Maryam Alidadi and her husband bought an 82-square-meter (880 square feet) apartment here in December, downsizing by a third from their rented home in a more affluent area.

“Our standard of living has dropped considerably,” she said, adding that she now regrets having quit her government job four years ago when her son Rami was born.

[]

This July 6, 2019 photo shows residential towers in District 22, that consists of apartment high-rises and shopping malls arranged around an artificial lake called Chitgar, under construction on the northwestern edge of Tehran, Iran (AP Photo/Ebrahim Noroozi)

The US sanctions have proven particularly devastating for Iran’s large middle class, said Dadpay, the finance professor. “This is the economic class that depends on the global economy, depends on their skillsets, and most of them are earning fixed incomes,” he said.

The economic freefall could shape Iran’s domestic politics, with parliament elections in February posing the first test. Middle class voters have traditionally favored reformist candidates but might sit out voting because of a lack of alternatives, inadvertently boosting hard-liners.

Pro-reform politicians who favor a greater opening to the West are closely linked to the nuclear deal.

With the deal faltering, the hard-liners, including the Revolutionary Guard, are becoming more entrenched, said Geranmayeh, the analyst.

The Guard, she said, “is going to be a force to be reckoned with for many years to come.”

question: Summarize Maryam Alidadi's family's  financial situation.

answer: Maryam Alidadi and her husband used to live a comfortable middle-class life. They could afford a spacious rental apartment in a central neighborhood of Tehran, along with a car, occasional restaurant meals, and holidays abroad. Now they are barely hanging on, even after drastically cutting spending. They sold their car and borrowed from friends and family to buy a smaller apartment in a less desirable area on the outskirts of Tehran.

critique: The answer should mention the price of housing.

critique: The answer should mention the sharp spike in housing prices.

critique: Does not mention their strained financial situation due to inflation, unemployment and the depreciation of the rial.

critique: There is no evidence in the text that the family used to have a car.

question: What was the tension point that impacted the Iranians the most?

answer: The collapse of Iran's national currency along with accelerating inflation and eroding wages set off the sanctions by the US against Iran.

critique: The sanctions are not the tension point that impacted the Iranians the most.

critique: The sanctions were the result of the collapse of the national currency, not the cause.

critique: This does not directly answer the question of what the escalating tension set off

question: How does the future for the Iranians look?

answer: The future seems uncertain with the US sanctions taking a toll on the people's finances. Those in the middle class especially have had to downgrade their living arrangements as a result.

critique: The answer should mention the upcoming election.


title: [HF] Epitome of War

question: What does the story say about which World War the narrator was in?

answer: No answer

critique: The story doesn't say which World War the narrator was in.

critique: The story says the narrator was involved in the Normandy Invasion.

critique: The story doesn't mention which World War the narrator was in.

critique: There is no answer to this question in the story.

text: The story occurs during World War II (Operation Neptune refers to the Normandy invasion during World War II).

category: accuracy

refinement: No answer

question: What does the story say about the narrator?

answer: The narrator is a sergeant in the army. They hold a desire to live and have a family. The narrator has served for 3 years prior to Operation Neptune. They are stationed with men on a tank. They are told that artillery was in the area and was ordered to abandon the tank. The narrator was the only one of his squad to survive.

critique: It's omitted that the narrator was rescued by a British company after they sunk into the water.

critique: "They are told that artillery was in the area and was ordered to abandon the tank" is irrelevant to the question.

critique: The narrator is a sergeant in the army. They hold a desire to live and have a family. The narrator has served for 3 years prior to Operation Neptune. They are stationed with men on a tank. They are told that artillery was in the area and was ordered to abandon the tank. The narrator was the only one of his squad to survive.

critique: It's omitted that the narrator was the luckiest one in his squad.

critique: The narrator is the only one of his squad to survive.

critique: The narrator is the only one to survive the shelling, not the only one of his squad.

critique: The narrator was rescued by the British, not ordered to abandon the tank.

critique: "He was told there was artillery inbound. No reinforcements. 30 seconds was all we had." is evidence that the narrator and the soldiers are ordered to abandon their tank.

critique: Though the captain was the one to give the order, the narrator had said they all agreed. They were covered by a British company.

critique: It is omitted that the narrator was the only one of his squad to survive.

critique: The names of the major characters are not given.

critique: It is not stated that the narrator and his men are stationed on a tank.

critique: The narrator's name is not mentioned and should be.

critique: The entire second sentence is irrelvant information.

question: How does the story reflect its theme?

answer: The narrator, who had many friends and was a sergeant in the army and a caring husband and parent, had a taste of what real war is. He experienced injuries and deaths of his comrades.

critique: Went off track from the question. I don't understand what parts of the author's life the story reflects. The theme, from the excerpt I read, was war and no matter how long you lived, whether you lived through it or not, it takes a toll. The scenario that unfolded in the excerpt was as if the narrator died then went to heaven / hell and experienced a flashback. Continuing to give an answer to this question gets muddled in the story.

critique: The response misses to mention how the narrator was traumatized by the experience and how it affected him.

critique: The answer omits multiple experiences that the soldier had during combat.

critique: The answer should mention that the narrator was rescued.

critique: The answer should mention the narrator's death.

critique: "He experienced injuries and deaths of his comrades." - is inaccurate. It's not clear if the narrator had any injuries.

critique: "The narrator, who had many friends and was a sergeant in the army and a caring husband and parent, had a taste of what real war is." - this is not accurate because the narrator was not a sergeant. He was a soldier.

critique: The answer should mention the narrator's near-death experience.

critique: The answer misses to include the narrator's realisation that war is unavoidable.

critique: Doesn't mention that he was the only survivor.

critique: The answer should mention the narrator's survival.

critique: The response is missing the last part of the story.

text: The response should highlight that the narrator does not feel lucky to have survived, having witnessed the horrors of war.

refinement: The narrator, who had many friends and was a sergeant in the army and a caring husband and parent, had a taste of what real war is. He experienced injuries and deaths of his comrades.

question: What does the story say about the sergeant's squad?

answer: The sergeant was a Sergeant in the army with 3 years of experience as a squad commander before being sent to Operation Neptune. He had sent 180 men to the Front with pride and loved them as if they were his own children. The men who died with the sergeant were his brothers in arms and the sergeant felt lucky to have made it out alive. He was rescued by a British company after a grueling battle that left his squad in shambles. The sergeant believed the British company may be one of his men who survived.

critique: The sergeant was not rescued by a British company.

critique: This is far too long, considering that only 29 men died in the attack.

critique: The information about the British army is unnecessary.

critique: There's no evidence to suggest he thought the British company might be one of his men.

critique: The squad was made up only of the sergeant and his men.

critique: This is only one of the interpretations of the story.

critique: The sergeant's squad was not sent to the Front.

critique: The men weren't his men, they were a ragtag group of soldiers defeated in war

critique: The sergeant was a sergeant in the army and not a squad commander.

critique: The sergeant's squad was not 180 but 30 men.

critique: The summary is incorrect. There are several contradictions. The sergeant was on a mission with his men and his squad was wiped out. He felt no regret that they died in battle.


text:
__ August 22, 2020| Posted in News| __ Justin Lemire-Elmore| 280

Hey everyone we have now FINISHED started the planned Aug 22nd - 29th store shutdown. Thank you for your patience and understanding while we got caught up. PLEASE NOTE THAT WHILE OUR STORE IS NOW OPEN AGAIN - WE ARE STILL NOT SERVING WALK-IN CUSTOMERS DUE TO ONGOING COVID-19 RESTRICTIONS. During this week we will get caught with all aging orders and communication backlogs, and also deploy new internal systems to smooth out our operations. Our sales and support staff will still be available by email but new orders are now on hold.  If you have things in your cart you'll be able to check out on Aug 30th.

Ebike activity has really been through the roof this summer and we wanted to thank both the team here and our customers for their patience as we adjust to this new reality. We've managed to step up our manufacturing throughput so that most of our key items (Phaserunners, Baserunners, All Axle motors, CA3-WP's, LiGo Batteries..) have been in good supply again; our sales and support team have been responding to over 1500 emails and countless phone calls each week; and our packing and shipping team of been getting record throughput out the door.

One downside of this unprecedented activity is that other items (new video releases, web content updates, R&D, user manuals, new product development etc.) have taken a backseat as we try to stay on top of top order volumes. We're hoping to make headway on a number of those fronts next week too.

Introducing our new Operations Manager - Guy Thorburn

[Guy Thorburn at the BBQ]We're pleased to have brought an experienced fellow like Guy onboard as our first full-time operations manager. Guy has previously been involved with successful tech businesses in BC like Carmanah (https://carmanah.com/), and helped Grin during our first move away from the small shop on Main St. 10 years ago. We're looking forward to have him as part of our core team as we scale things to the next phase in this exciting industry.

More Job Hirings

Thanks to everyone that sent in an application for our recent job postings - we're currently finished with hiring for now and have a few exciting new team members here at Grin...

That said if you're an eBike repair and support expert, we'd love to hear from you - send over an email with a resume and cover letter as well as anything else you think we should know.

We've had a half dozen new staff join Grin this summer but we are still looking for even more! There are two roles in particular that we could use filled like yesterday:

1) REMOTE TECHNICAL SUPPORT: We're still looking for people with a technical background in order to help with troubleshooting and support. This is a position that can be done remotely so no need to be in Vancouver, but we are after someone who already has deep familiarity and understanding of Grin's entire product lineup and superb typing and writing skills. This could be a great side hustle for an ebike guru out of work due to the Covid situation, and we're open to both part time or full time possibilities.

2) PACKING / SHIPPING ASSISTANT: We're also after another pair of hands to work full time in the packing and shipping side of our business. This job can't be done remote, so if you know someone in Vancouver looking for a manual job with a good crew of people then feel free to spread the word.

If you are interested in either of these then please send us an email with a resume, cover letter, and any other details about yourself you think we should know.

question: Summarize everything relating to the store shutdown.

answer: The store shutdown was planned for Aug 22nd - 29th. The store is now open again, but they are still not serving walk-in customers due to ongoing COVID-19 restrictions.

critique: It is omitted that the store is open again but not serving walk-in customers due to COVID-19 restrictions.

question: Describe the positions the company is currently hiring for.

answer:
1. A remote technical support person
2. A packing and shipping assistant

critique: The answer should include the location of the jobs.

critique: The answer should be a complete sentence.

critique: The answer should include the locations of the job postings.

critique: The answer should include the location of the positions.

critique: The answer could be phrased as a complete sentence.

critique: The answer should include the job titles.

critique: The answer should include that the remote technical support person needs to have a technical background and superb typing and writing skills.

critique: It's omitted that the remote technical support person needs to have a technical background, know Grin's entire product lineup, and have superb typing and writing skills.

question: Describe the new Operations Manager.

answer: Guy Thorburn is the new Operations Manager. He has previously been involved with successful tech businesses in BC.

critique: It is omitted that Guy is an experienced fellow.

question: What are the consequences of the increase in Ebike activity for the company?

answer: They are having trouble meeting the demand for their products and services.

critique: The answer does not mention the other consequences.

critique: Add that they are having trouble with other areas of the business as well.

critique: The answer should mention the specific products mentioned in the passage.

critique: The answer does not mention that the company is experiencing a backlog of orders. It also does not mention that the company is having to focus on meeting orders instead of developing new products.

critique: The answer should mention the other consequences.


text:
Government ministers have been condemned for spending five times more on no-deal Brexit "propaganda" than on helping local councils prepare for the possibility of the UK leaving the EU without a deal.

On Saturday the government announced a £20m fund to help councils with no-deal planning and ordered every local authority to appoint an official to work with the government and oversee preparations.

But critics pointed out that the sum is dwarfed by the up to £100m that will reportedly be spent on a "public information campaign" designed to inform people about the consequences of a no-deal Brexit.

The £20m funding for no-deal preparations equates to only around £60,000 per council.

Labour MP Jess Phillips, a supporter of the People's Vote campaign for a second referendum, said: "It is a sign of how out of touch the government are in their efforts to force a destructive Brexit on the country that they are planning to spend five times more on no deal propaganda than on helping local councils prepare for the calamity of such an outcome.

“No deal is about as far away from the promises made by Boris Johnson and the other leaders of 2016’s leave campaign as it is possible to get. Then they told us we’d get a 'great deal' and we did not have to worry about the disastrous impact of no deal. Now they want to flood the country with adverts promoting a policy they all know is broken and will threaten public health, stability and even food supply."

She added: “The idea that £20m across the 343 principal councils of England is enough to prepare is an insult to our intelligence and to the hard work of public servants struggling with the consequences of the Government’s decision to force a vicious Brexit on us."

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Andrew Gwynne, the shadow housing and communities secretary, also criticised the announcement, saying it offered "no new money and no new ideas for how to address the cliff-edge councils are facing".

He said: "Under the Tories, 60p out of every £1 that the last Labour government invested in our councils has been cut – with the most deprived parts of the country hit the hardest.

“This Conservative government is only interested in looking after the super-rich and cannot be trusted to fund the local services we all rely on. Labour will properly invest in our councils and we will always act in the interests of the many, not the few.”

 Boris Johnson's cabinet: Who's in and who's out

Show all 40

But Robert Jenrick, the new housing and communities secretary, insisted that the money would ensure local councils are prepared for Brexit on 31 October "whatever the circumstances".

He said:

“From Whitehall to town halls, everyone needs to be ready to fulfil our democratic mandate to leave the European Union by the end of October.

"Local government has a vital role in helping to make Brexit a success and it is absolutely right that together we intensify preparations in every community."

He added: “I want all of us – central and local government – to be fully prepared for leaving the EU on 31 October whatever the circumstances. I know that we can achieve this, by continuing to work side by side with renewed national focus and intensity.”

Dominic Raab says the British people were told about a no-deal Brexit during the referendum

The group's chairman, councillor Kevin Bentley, said: ”The government has listened to our calls recognising the central role councils play and that more resources are needed for their Brexit preparations. The funding announced today will help councils continue to co-ordinate their efforts.

"With councils already facing a funding gap of more than £3bn in 2019/20 it is more important now than ever that councils receive the resources they need for their on-going Brexit preparations."

But he added: "There remains information and advice gaps that councils are facing while helping their communities prepare, which need to be met by the government. Councils also need certainty to plan for their communities over the longer-term, such as on the domestic replacement for EU funding."

question: Describe the main issue in this text.

answer: The main issue in this text is the government spending five times more on no-deal Brexit propaganda than on helping local councils prepare for the possibility of the UK leaving the EU without a deal.

critique: The answer is phrased in a way that it could be mistook that the money went to political campaigns. It needs to be phrased with clarity.

critique: The answer should mention the amount of money spent.

critique: The answer should mention that the funds are not enough.

critique: The term "no-deal Brexit" is not defined in the text.

critique: The answer could be more specific about the consequences of the government's actions.

critique: The answer should mention the £20 million fund.

question: What message does this article send to other governments reading about this deal?

answer: That this is a big waste of money.

critique: The article is not a message to other governments.

critique: The answer should include the fact that the author of the article, Jess Phillips, is a Labour MP.

critique: People's Vote is not just a senator but a campaign for a second referendum

critique: The answer should include the context of the article.

critique: The article says the government is spending this money on propaganda, not that they are wasting it.

critique: The answer should be more specific about the message the article sends.

text: It would be better to say that there is no answer, as the article isn't necessarily providing a message to other governments.


text:
Howard Gold's No-Nonsense Investing

Published: June 13, 2020 at 7:50 a.m. ET

Robinhood and day-trading newbies already are getting their comeuppance

[]

“Hertz looks like a bargain.”

 iStockPhoto

In 1929, the story goes, Joseph P. Kennedy, patriarch of the Kennedy clan, went for a shoeshine not far from his Wall Street office. Kennedy was stunned when the shoeshine man gave stock tips to him, a leading trader. He immediately returned to his office and aggressively short-sold stocks, making a fortune in the Great Crash.

This is probably an apocryphal tale that points to a larger truth: When even shoeshine men are so confident in their bullishness they give stock tips to the pros, it’s time to run for the hills.

This week we’ve seen plenty of signs of this. As the Nasdaq Composite COMP, -0.24%  hit all-time highs, briefly closing above 10,000 (nearly double its bubble top from the year 2000), and the Dow Jones Industrial Average DJIA, +0.19%  and S&P 500 SPX, -0.08%  both came within shouting distance of their February record peaks, day traders and newbies emerged, proclaiming their stock-picking genius.

This testosterone-driven overconfidence — and research shows men are more reckless investors than women — has been most pronounced on Robinhood, the commission-free stock trading app preferred by millennials who can make all the trades they want at the tap of their thumbs.

The tale of Robinhood

According to Crunchbase, the Menlo Park, Calif.-based brokerage has raised $1.2 billion altogether. On the strength of three million new customers in the first quarter, it just raised $280 million in a late funding round led by Silicon Valley heavyweight Sequoia Capital. Robinhood has more than 10 million customers whose average age is 31.

It has been having an outsized impact on stock trading. An analyst at Deutsche Bank recently examined Robinhood trading data and found that small investors were behind much of the recent buying in the stock market, so that what we used to call the “smart money” is “now chasing” the day traders. Talk about the caboose pulling the train!

Gone are the days of COVID-19 lockdowns and fears of bodies piling up in emergency rooms. Long forgotten are the 40 million unemployed Americans, the 40% of businesses that may not reopen and the “long road” to recovery that a gloomy Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell laid out in his news conference Wednesday. And don’t even think about the new wave of coronavirus cases and hospitalizations we’re seeing in at least a dozen U.S. states. Oh, no, instead the day traders are sampling and remixing those hits of the 1930s, “We’re in the Money” and “Happy Days Are Here Again.”

And these mini-Masters of the Universe aren’t just buying the Apples AAPL, -0.76%  and Teslas TSLA, -2.41%  of the world; they’re gobbling up stocks of bankrupt companies like Hertz US:HTZ  and those whose businesses are in deep trouble, like American Airlines Group AAL, -4.95%. Both of those stocks and others beaten down badly in the coronavirus bear market have rallied sharply over the past few weeks.

Better than Buffett?

No doubt these very astute people have done deep dives into balance sheets, loan covenants and capital structures the way distressed debt and deep value investors do to make sure they’re protected on the downside. Oh, wait. Screw the guardrails. Damn the torpedoes. Traders on Robinhood and other instant-trading platforms are wagering hundreds maybe a few thousand bucks at a time and are beating the pants off the pros.

One leading day trader who’s particularly proud of himself is Dave Portnoy, the successful founder of Barstool Sports, who thinks his prowess over the last, oh, six weeks or so, has made him better than … Warren Buffett.

“I’m the new breed. I’m the new generation,” he crowed. “There’s nobody who can argue that Warren Buffett is better at the stock market than I am right now. I’m better than he is. That’s a fact.”

This column has recently taken Buffett to task for his performance over the past decade. Three of his recent investments lost at least $7 billion, and he clearly sold airline stocks at the bottom. But really, Dave, really? He sounds like he’s auditioning to host a revival of “The Apprentice.”

The day trading is definitely a sign of the times. As Anthony Denier, CEO of trading platform Webull, told the New York Post: “We’re all home. Some people are making bread, and some are saying, ‘Hey, how can I make the stock market work for me?’ And with the Fed [pumping money] into the markets, they’re thinking ‘How can I lose?’ ”

How? Let me count the ways, starting with today, with the Dow down 1,862 points, the biggest drop since the dark days of March. Who knows if this is profit taking or whether we’re heading for another leg down in stocks? But some of us remember the 1990s, the days of theglobe.com and “boot your broker” and guys in their basements trading Yahoo stock dozens of times a day. You can “OK boomer” me all you want, but I’ve seen this movie many times and it never has a happy ending.

_Howard R. Gold is a MarketWatch columnist. Follow him on Twitter @howardrgold._

question: Summarize the theme of this article.

answer: The theme of this article is the overconfidence of investors and the stock market in general. The author warns of the dangers of overconfidence, especially in the middle of a pandemic. The author also critiques Dave Portnoy for thinking he is a better investor than Warren Buffet, who lost billions of dollars in the past decade.

critique: The author does not critique Dave Portnoy for thinking he is a better investor than Warren Buffet.

critique: The author does not critique Dave Portnoy for thinking he is a better investor than Warren Buffett.

critique: "The author also critiques Dave Portnoy for thinking he is a better investor than Warren Buffet, who lost billions of dollars in the past decade." - this is incorrect. The author doesn't critique Portnoy. It's the author who's being criticized for criticizing Buffett.

text: The response should mention that the overconfident investors are Robinhood day traders and small investors.

category: coverage

question: Summarize the confidence of these new day traders.

answer: The new day traders are confident that they can make money in the stock market. They are also confident that they can beat the pros.

critique: The answer should mention that the traders are overconfident.

critique: They are not confident that they can beat the pros.

critique: The article doesn't say they are confident they can beat the pros.

question: Summarize some of the concerns financial analysts have with these emerging practices.

answer: Some analysts are concerned that these new investors are not as savvy as they think they are. They are also concerned that these investors are not as well-informed as they should be.

critique: The answer should mention the impact of these new investors on the market.

critique: The answer could be more specific about what the analysts are concerned about.

critique: There's no evidence to suggest the Millennials are well-informed.

critique: "They are also concerned that these investors are not as well-informed as they should be." - this is not in the text and should be removed.

critique: The answer should mention that the investors are not as well-informed as they should be.

critique: The answer is not clear about what the analysts are concerned about.

critique: The answer should mention that the investors are chasing the "smart money" and that the market is volatile.

critique: The answer should mention that the new investors are chasing the "smart money".

question: Summarize the alternatives to day trading that have more stable longer-term outlooks.

answer: No answer

critique: The passage does mention some alternatives to day trading.

critique: The answer should mention that the article does not mention any other alternatives to day trading.

critique: The answer should mention that the article does not mention any alternatives.


text:
It was a chilly spring day in Vancouver. “Hurry up we have to get going to the town center soon, breakfast is downstairs,” Adams wife stood at the bedroom door. She had dark black hair that drooped down her face and pale white skin much like Adam. He got up out of bed to change into his black jumpsuit; the same jumpsuit that everyone wore except his had a unique number, it read 77689. Towards the bathroom, he walked with a slouched back and a slight limp following a factory accident he had a month ago. A feeling of anger came over him but quickly subsided; he remembered the doctor telling him to control his thoughts and emotions.

“Breakfast looks good,” he said with a cold smile, it was a hot metal bowl of oatmeal and honey. The same food everyone got for their rations, the government provided the food, everyone got equal treatment. At the table sat Adams only son Tim, a gaunt ghoulish boy with razor-sharp cheekbones and hollow eyes.

“I hate this food,” Tim said spinning his spoon around the bowl, making a horrid screeching sound.

“Stop that,” his mum groaned looking as equally fed up of the cuisine.

“Don’t complain about the food, we should be thankful that we’re eating a hot meal,” Adam insisted, something inside of him didn’t feel right but he carried on slurping up the oatmeal. He looked past the drab and grey walls into the window where the sun stood far out of reach. “Let's get going, we don’t want to miss the news,” Adam sighed, as he got up the old wooden chair screamed being dragged across the wood floor.

The door creaked open as the family stepped out, the smoke-filled air heated up Adams throat drying it up like an Arabian desert. His lungs now used to the air no longer rejected it instead suffered from every burning breath. The taste was like burning hair which dried up the mouth. Stark houses stood only meters apart to accommodate the growing population. Now at the Town Center, he looked at the posters which hung up on telephone poles ‘Vote for Venessa Cooper 2078’, the same burning anger from earlier crept up his insides but like a fire extinguisher was put out by an irrational wave of fear. The endless sea of people stood around them, a flowing river of bodies. EEEEEEE the siren screeched, and silence quickly came to take its place. The silence hung in the air like a heavy fog but was disturbed by a flash.

“This is not your daily news broadcast, we call ourselves M0XERS,” the huge screen which usually displayed the news now projected a man with a deep monotone voice. He looked different as his face was not gaunt but was instead colourful and round, he had a dark brown beard that resembled a rainforest, his bare head scrunched up when he spoke. “We are here to liberate you from the prison you live in,” he declared, his tone so serious but warming. All eyes were on the screen then a group of dark masked figures abseiled down the screen. As people watched in curiosity the red paint quickly made out the word ‘freedom’.

The heavy silence was pierced by the yelling and hissing of people chanting “This is the hate of the old age!” The man on the screen looked in horror, suddenly the door behind him opened with a loud bang. Flashing white was followed by the sound of gunshots and screams. Silence once again covered the town center like a blanket of fog, when the dust cleared all that was left were bodies. A soldier dressed in all white appeared on screen then all went blank.

“We need to get out of here,” Adam said as he pulled his family away from the sea of people. Gunshots could be heard as a large military truck the size of two school buses plowed through the group of masked individuals. Gas was thrown at the crowd to disperse them. Everything slowed down, it felt as if someone stabbed him and pulled out his stomach. People were running and screaming as people began getting caught in the crossfire, he looked back and froze.

Breaths began coming to him but only in slow rattling gasps. His breathing would stop only to emerge like a drowning victim coming up for their last breath. His family still life clawed out of them into the cold hands of death. He looked at the word freedom now barely visible, covered in blood like a 1st graders painting.

“Go home or you will be shot!” the speaker blasted; this startled all the people still frozen in place to run like birds from a rock. Adam ran to in fear of his life, was he a coward to do so he thought. Nausea clawed at his throat he felt a strong contraction in his stomach, a vile acidic taste filled his mouth as he looked down only to see vivid yellow bile with chunks of oats.

The door creaked open and the coldness from the house felt like nails down his spine. His crying was both ferocious and noisy. He blinked briny tears from bloodshot eyes, his thick lashes stuck together in clumps as if he'd been swimming. The tears made wet tracks down his face and dripped from his stubbled, wobbling chin. He lay down needles sliced through every inch of his body the pain was too much, his eyes felt heavy like warm blankets.  He let his consciousness ebb away into the escape which was the darkness.

title: [RF] School short story can't think of a title and need help with grammar :)

question: Summarize the feelings the characters in the text have about the food served to them.

answer: Adam's son Tim hates the food, and his wife groans about it. Adam insists that they should be thankful for the hot meal.

critique: Adam's wife is not mentioned to have any feelings about the food.

critique: Adam's feelings aren't mentioned in the direct text.

critique: Adam's wife is not mentioned to be groaning about the food.

critique: The answer should mention that Adam is also fed up with the food.

question: Summarize the emotions of the people once they heard the message the MOXERS gave out.

answer: The people were shocked and horrified by the message. They were also angry and scared.

critique: It seems the people were uncomfortable and not scared as they followed the MOXERS in the street like bombs going off as they shot and slaughtered them. The narrator was scared because he saw his family being killed and the crowd go ballistic.

critique: The answer should mention the violence that followed.

critique: "The people were shocked and horrified by the message. They were also angry and scared." - this is incorrect because the people were not angry or scared. They were angry and scared.

critique: The answer should mention the violence that ensued.

critique: The people were also in awe, and some were curious.

text: The people were curious and confused about the message, however, they became scared when the situation got violent.

question: How would Tim be feeling among all the chaos of all the prisoners trying to escape?

answer: Tim is a child, so he would be feeling scared and confused. He would be overwhelmed and probably think that if he stays, he would be killed.

critique: The answer is not related to the question.

critique: "Tim is a child, so he would be feeling scared and confused. He would be overwhelmed and probably think that if he stays, he would be killed." - this is inaccurate because Tim is a teenager and he would probably be just as scared and confused as any other teenager.

critique: Tim is Adam's son, not a random prisoner.

question: If the MOXERS had not come to free the prisoners, how would Adam and his family's life look?

answer: They would still be living in the same drab and grey house, eating the same oatmeal for breakfast, and going to the town center to watch the news.

critique: The answer is not specific about what would happen.

critique: The answer is not related to the question.

critique: The answer does not mention the fact that Adam and his family would probably be dead.

critique: The life would have been easier, not to mention their deaths would have been not shown.

critique: The response is missing the part where Adam and his family would have been shot by the soldiers.

critique: The answer is too vague. It should mention that Adam and his family would be living in fear of the government.

critique: The answer does not mention the government's control over the people.


text:
Dear /r/ShortStories,

I just finished an english course which had the benefit of an amazingly inspirational teacher. That means I recently got into writing; I've done some shorts here and there, and I mostly kept these to myself, but I recently became confident enough to share some of these stories. That said, I've also come to appreciate honest criticism as a way to grow stronger.

Thank you for taking the time to read it.

A Trip To the Dentist
-

A few years ago I read an article about a man who had gotten into trouble when a newspaper reporter learned that he was operating a “dental clinic” in his basement. He managed to brush off the reporter by saying that it was his own private museum, but by then he became somewhat notorious for actually doing dental work.

This got me thinking two things: first, whenever I go to a museum, most of the exhibits aren’t in any shape to be doing what they were originally meant to be doing. Ever see an axe at the museum? They’re all rusty and missing bits, and they’d probably vapourize under the pressure of trying to get stuck in a tree. I think the reason I’ve never seen much in the way of dentistry at the Royal Ontario Museum is because they’re afraid it would scare people away from the museum and terrify what few people otherwise brave the dentist today!

I’m one of the lucky few who’s never had a bad experience at the dentist, so a few years ago, when I hadn’t gotten a proper dental cleaning in a decade, it wasn’t out of fear, but out of ignorance. When I think about gaps in what I think I know, I try to fill them in, and that was my second thought: that with the Internet, you can learn ANYTHING! We have the combined power of Wikipedia and YouTube, and surely someone saw a void in the at-home orthodontist video market. And so, keen to learn about something new, I unassumingly decided to look up dentistry.

What a horrific mistake that was…

There were a few videos, with some cautionary messages at the beginning. Usually it was people describing the bone-melting acids they’d use to etch the surface of a tooth, followed by details skimming over the dangers of the medical-grade epoxies they use to seal up valleys and cracks. Amateur dentists take great pride in their work, and with good reason: few people know anyone who talks about their surgical hobbies, and I imagine fewer still would be eager to assist with performing surgery. They need to act solo.

Novocain can’t exactly be bought off the shelf, either – the only practical solution is to either take a pile of pain killers (which makes it hard to co-ordinate) or “go clean”, without taking anything to prepare (due to the potential of extreme pain, this makes it harder to co-ordinate). And then the bleeding. And then the diseases, not from the original cavity, but from the botches and failures! I’ve read about tattoo artists who can ink their own skin, but slipping means either going with the flow or covering up, not trying to find a donor set of teeth while wrangling penicillin from strangers on a long weekend; patching a tooth isn’t a two-hour chore.

The great news is that learning and seeing these horrors redoubled my intention to never, ever let things get so bad that I’d become like one of those gruesome images. In fact, any lingering fear of dentists evaporated into respect. I go to the George Brown Wave Clinic for annual cleanings now, and in the process, ironically or not, I’ve even learned a lot about dental hygiene. I even became an exhibit myself once – I still have my wisdoms, making for a full set of teeth. One student hygienists described me as the weirdest patient they’d ever had, but she brought out a tray of dental tools and challenged me to identify the various weapons of oral warfare - I guess that’s a plus. I find it curious that the periodontal probe they use has a black-and-yellow waspy look – that shit terrifies me.

I’m also deathly afraid of museums.

title: [NF] A Trip To the Dentist

question: What does the text say about amateur dental work?

answer: The narrator read about amateur dentists who take great pride in their work. They are usually people who do not have a dental background but are interested in learning about it. They do not have access to the tools and equipment needed to do the job properly, so they have to improvise. The narrator learned that amateur dentists use medical-grade epoxies to seal up valleys and cracks. They also use penicillin to treat infections.

critique: The article does not mention penicillin.

critique: The response includes extraneous information not useful for the task.

critique: The narrator did not learn that amateur dentists use penicillin to treat infections.

critique: The narrator does not learn that amateur dentists use penicillin to treat infections.

question: Summarize the lesson the narrator learns.

answer: The narrator learns that they should never let their dental hygiene get so bad that they need to learn how to do it themselves. They learn that they should always go to the dentist for their dental hygiene needs.

critique: The narrator learns that they should never let their dental hygiene get so bad that they need to learn how to do it themselves. They learn that they should always go to the dentist for their dental hygiene needs.

critique: The response inaccurately mentions that the narrator learns they should never let their dental hygiene get so bad, however they learn they they should always go to the dentist.

critique: The narrator does not learn that they should always go to the dentist for their dental hygiene needs, but that they should never let their dental hygiene get so bad that they need to learn how to do it themselves.

critique: The second sentence is redundant and should be removed.

critique: The narrator learns that he should never let his dental hygiene get so bad that he needs to learn how to do it himself. He also learns that he should always go to the dentist for his dental hygiene needs.

question: What does the story say about internet research?

answer: The author used to be afraid of the dentist, but after she used the Internet to research painless dentistry, looking up at-home dental care videos on YouTube, her fear of dentists vanished and she thanked the information highway for her newly found expertise. She researched how to clean her teeth properly, prevent gum infections, and how to handle an oral emergency.

critique: The response is incorrect. The author was not afraid of the dentist, but of going to the dentist.

critique: She did not study the internet only for the fear of dentists but for the information highway for allery information regarding dental hygiene.

critique: The response is incorrect. The author did not research painless dentistry.

critique: There is no mention of the author being afraid of the dentist.

question: What does the text say about tooth brushes?

answer: No answer

critique: The response can't be blank because the second sentence talks about toothbrushes.


text:
First try at a short story, I would love to hear what you think!

The story of James Butler

This is the story of James Butler. Now James Butler is a very ordinary man, living in an ordinary house with an ordinary wife and two of the most ordinary children in the world. James Butler works an ordinary job in an ordinary office, and an ordinary plant sits on the edge of his ordinary desk. When he gets home at exactly 6 in the evening, James Butler enjoys reading ordinary books or watching ordinary shows on his ordinary television. Now nothing would give us the impression that something is out of the ordinary in this man’s ordinary life. Nothing but a giant glass wall that separates James Butler from another world. Now in that other world, there lives a James Butler. Now James Butler lives a very extraordinary life. James Butler lives in the most extraordinary house with an extraordinary wife and two of the most extraordinary children in the world. James Butler works an extraordinary job in an extraordinary workplace. When he gets home, at whichever time suits him most, James Butler enjoys doing extraordinary things, like rock climbing or playing extraordinary chess championships at his extraordinary local chess club.

Now, apart from the fact that James Butler is a very extraordinary man, and the other James Butler is a very ordinary man, there’s one more thing that separates these two James Butlers. When James Butler wakes up on an ordinary Monday morning, and looks in his ordinary mirror before an ordinary Monday morning shave, there is no smile on his face. There’s sadness in his eyes, and bags under his eyes from a lack of sleep. When James Butler goes to work on this very ordinary Monday morning, there is no smile on his face. When James Butler works his ordinary 8-hour shift for his ordinary job, there is no smile on his face. Now the evening, that’s where it gets interesting. In the evening, when James Butler sits in an ordinary bus to make his way home, something not quite ordinary happens. Every evening, when James Butler returns to his ordinary house from his ordinary job, he looks through the window of the bus, trying to catch a glimpse of the James Butler on the other side of glass. Trying to catch just a small glimpse of the smile that sits upon the other James Butler’s face. Now that glimpse, that small of part of joy on the other side of the glass, that is what keeps the ordinary James Butler from going insane. Now going insane would be extremely extraordinary, and an ordinary man like James Butler wouldn’t want to go extraordinary now, would he?

But there’s another reason why James Butler tries to catch a glimpse of that smile every evening. The extraordinary James Butler, who leaves his job with a smile on his face every day, had a very ordinary past. It was a fun past, but an ordinary past. He watched his children grow up in a very ordinary fashion, and he loved his ordinary wife. When his children grew up and left the house to become adults themselves, James Butler started picking up hobbies for himself, and his life became extraordinary, filled with action, suspense and fun. Now our ordinary James Butler misses this kind of ordinary past. When James Butler was still a young, energetic man, and his wife was expecting their second child, something extraordinary happened. When our ordinary James Butler was working his 8-hour shift one day, he got a very extraordinary call from the hospital. His wife and first child had been in a car accident, and both had passed away on site. After hearing this news, James Butler excused himself and made his way home, where he drank an extraordinary amount of whiskey. This excessive amount of whiskey was the last extraordinary thing to happen in James Butler’s life. From that moment onwards, joy was hard to find for James Butler, and he lived from ordinary day to ordinary day, ordinary moment to ordinary moment, trying not to succumb to his grief. Eventually, maybe as a way of dealing with the sadness, but no one could quite tell, James Butler’s wife and children returned to him. They sat at his ordinary dinner table eating an ordinary spaghetti, and they slept in their ordinary beds at night. Now James Butler kept living like this until he was an old man, but he never became the happy man he once was. The presence of this wife and children gave him some comfort, but it was an empty shell, for every evening he would look at the other side of the glass and see what his life could have been.

But when James Butler was old and dying, something extraordinary happened once more, for the last time in his life. He got up and left his ordinary old man’s chair for the first time in a long while. James Butler then made his way outside, but left his coat and his hat hanging on their ordinary hooks in the hallway. He made his way along the glass wall, looking inside the entire way. On the other side sat an old man, wearing his coat and his hat. James Butler’s grand children came to visit him often, and even after the death of his wife joy still had a place in his life. Upon seeing this sight, our ordinary James Butler clenched his fists and started hitting the glass that had separated him from joy his entire life. It hurt, but he kept on hitting and hitting. Until finally, a crack appeared on the wall. As James Butler kept punching, the crack kept getting bigger and bigger, until finally after what seemed to be an eternity, it shattered. Billions of little pieces of glass came crashing down, and for the first time since that terrible accident, James Butler stepped to the other side of the wall.
On that other side of the wall is where James Butler died, with a smile on his face and a sea of glass surrounding him, while the other James Butler was nowhere to be found.

EDIT: Lay-out

title: [MF] The story of James Butler

question: What does the story say about what led to James Butler's very ordinary life?

answer: James Butler's ordinary life was the result of a very extraordinary event. James Butler's wife and first child were in a car accident, and both died on the spot. James Butler was working his 8-hour shift when he got a call from the hospital about the accident. He had to excuse himself and go home. James Butler drank an extraordinary amount of whiskey to deal with his grief, and his life became ordinary. He never became the happy man he once was.

critique: The response misses to mention that after the accident, James Butler's wife and children returned to him, but he never became the happy man he once was.

question: What does the story say about how James Butler's late wife and children returned to him?

answer: No answer

critique: The answer is false. The text clearly states that James Butler's wife and children returned to him.

critique: The answer is incorrect. The story says that James Butler's wife and children returned to him as ghosts.


title: [HF] Epitome of War

question: What happens to the narrator in the story?

answer: The narrator is part of a group of soldiers led by a sergeant who are charged with taking a beachhead to support the Allies' efforts in World War II, but they are attacked by a German platoon. The narrator is hit, and assumes he'll die, but he is rescued by a British company that is steamrolling through the coastline.

critique: The narrator is not hit, but falls into the water.

critique: Intentional mistranslation in the second sentence to meet the format of the question

critique: The narrator is not hit, and his men assume he's dead after he falls into the water.

question: What does the story say about the men the narrator was commanding?

answer: The narrator was a sergeant in the army with a caring family and spouse, medals to his name, and a desire to live. He commanded a group of men for three years prior to Operation Neptune. The men were his bread and butter, and he considered them to be lively, energetic, and spirited. The men were also grateful and had the heart to pull the trigger and fire.

critique: The answer should mention that the men were killed by a mortar.

question: What does the story say about the clothes the soldiers were wearing?

answer: No answer

critique: The answer is not correct. The narrator's squad was wearing wet clothes from the sea.

critique: The answer should mention that the clothes were soaked in salty sea air.

critique: The answer should mention that the soldiers were soaked in the ocean water.

critique: The answer should mention that the soldiers were soaked in the water.

question: What does the story say about the narrator's background?

answer: No answer

critique: The answer is incorrect. The text provides some information about the narrator's background.


text:
A little introduction to this writing: The year is 1997. You have to realize that this year was significant as how we contacted our friends. We were at the start of the mobile generation. People my age, 16 at the time, did not have mobile phones unless their parents were rich, mine weren’t and even if they were, my friends didn’t have mobile phones. So to contact friends you would call to their house and ask their parents if they are present. If not, you would probably have to search for them at spots they might be at.

----------

It's the last Friday evening of summer holiday. I had received my student travel card (free travel in public transport) earlier that day and even though I hadn’t planned anything that evening, I decide to catch a train and try to find my friends who live in a city nearby. I grab my bike, light up a spliff and head of to the train station. At this time of evening, there aren't much people at the station. I'm glad because smoking weed makes me paranoid sometimes. It makes me feel as if people are staring.

As I enter the train, the sun has already set and the absence of most of the moon, because of the time of the month, makes it darker than usual. As the train starts to leave I get the sudden urge to get out. Is it the weed that drives me or some outside force? I don’t know why but I lost the interest of visiting my friends that evening. So I get out at the next station and head for the platform for the return train. I’m the only one there.

As I light a cigarette and just sit there with not much to distract me other than my thoughts, I notice a girl is passing me by. A beautiful girl with long black curly hair and large dark eyes. I can see that she has been crying, because of the red and puffy eyes. She looks middle-eastern to me. Young, probably just a little older than me. She is wearing a white summer dress. Not tight but it outlines her butcheeks by the way she is standing. Her back shows just enough skin and my teenage hormones are starting to rage. I can only imagine the things I want to do to her before I awaken from my thoughts. I hear the rumbling of the train and see the girl standing on the edge of the platform, about 60 feet away from me. It’s dark, but the lanterns shine bright enough for me to see that her shoulders are shaking a bit. I hear a faint cry. I realize what is about to take place.
I need to act. I do not want to see her organs all over the place, nor do I want to be stuck there for hours. There is nothing heroic about this, I am just thinking about my own interests. Might she even go down on me? My hormones still rage. I walk to her, she hasn’t noticed me yet. She jumps on the tracks.

At this point my focus shifts. I hear no sound but see everything so clear. Because of the bright lights of the incoming train I can’t estimate the distance but it looks like I can make it. My heart skips a beat. I jump on the tracks and pick her up as if she weighs nothing. The fabric of her dress is so thin it feels like I am toughing her skin. I don't want to let go, I want to keep my hands on her. So soft. I lift her on the platform and jump on there just in time as I feel the warm summer wind of the passing train. It was too close. Sound returns and I hear the ear deafening sound of shrieking brakes on the train. The girl is crying frantically. She speaks English with a thick accent: “I don’t want to live, I don’t want to live, why, why?”. I realize I can’t help her. What do I know of her problems? I’m just a 16 year old horny boy with a pretty easy life. I don’t understand her pain. I decide to hug her, my hands on her waist. She feels warm. The only reason she doesn't feel my excitement against her belly is because she is in shock. The train engineer is suddenly standing behind me and asks "Do you need help?" I let go as I realize he is talking to her. He walks to the girl. She clearly doesn’t want to be helped and runs off. The engineer turns to me: “Thanks. I don’t know what else to say, just thanks.” I realize why. I can see his eyes are watery and just say: “No problem, mind if I get in?” I ask because this is the intercity that isn’t supposed to stop at this train station. He doesn’t mind. I get in the (nearly empty) train and after a minute the train conductor joins me. He sits down and stays silent for half a minute as he looks at me. He thanks me for preventing a ruined weekend. His daughter is going to celebrate her 4th birthday. He wanted me to know that. I don't understand why he tells me. He hands me a flyer about how to contact some -help after trauma- center. I throw it away, I don’t need help.

Fast forward 3 weeks. School has started. It’s a new school for me by the way. We are having lunch and a class mate is telling me about her aunt, who saw a few weeks before that, from her home, how some guy selflessly saved a girl from getting run over by a train on that station. I said nothing while my hormones started to rage again.

note: I don't write. I have never written anything other than this and will probably never write again. Besides my mother, who doesn't live anymore I never told anyone so I decided to write it down.
Also, English isn't my native language so I will blame any mistake/error/grammatical flaw to that.
Lastly, I have never heard about the girl again. I sometimes wonder if she tried again, why she was crying and didn't want to live. I hope she is happy.

title: [NF] Selfishly

question: Summarize the mood of this text.

answer: The mood is tense. It feels like the narrator is tense and on edge. Everything is observational and feels like the narrator is a bystander to his own story. At one point, the narrator acts heroically because he sees a person in danger and wants to save her. This shows the tension is severe because it is unclear what the consequences of his choices will be. The narrator runs after the girl who tries to commit suicide.

critique: The narrator is not tense or on edge. He is a horny 16-year-old boy.

critique: The narrator is not tense or on edge. He is horny.

critique: The narrator is clearly not on edge as he is smoking a joint just before he decided to get on the train.

critique: The narrator isn't on edge. He's just a horny 16 year old.

critique: The narrator is not on edge. He is horny.

question: Summarize the feelings of the train conductor.

answer: The train conductor is thankful that he gets to see his daughter again. He tells the narrator that his daughter is celebrating her 4th birthday. The narrator is not sure why the conductor is telling him this, but the conductor seems very emotional about it.

critique: The conductor is not thankful that he gets to see his daughter again. He is thankful that the narrator saved his daughter.

critique: The conductor is not thankful to see his daughter again. He is thankful that the narrator saved his daughter from getting run over by a train.

critique: The conductor is not emotional about his daughter's birthday. He is emotional about the narrator's selfless act of saving the girl.

critique: The conductor is not thankful to get to see his daughter again.

critique: The conductor is not thankful to see his daughter again. He is thankful that the narrator saved his daughter's life.

critique: The conductor is emotional because the narrator saved his daughter from being run over by a train.

critique: "The train conductor is thankful that he gets to see his daughter again" - it was never mentioned as to if he was going to a child's party, but he thanks the narrator for saving the girl from a train.

critique: This is false. The conductor isn't thankful that he gets to see his daughter as he never mentions his daughter. He is thankful that the narrator saved the girl.

question: Do you think the narrator would ask the classmate to meet their aunt or tell them how he was the guy who selflessly saved her?

answer: No answer

critique: The narrator does not have a chance to meet the classmate's aunt.

critique: This response is not related. This response needs a complete overhaul.


text:
“Where were you last night?” Max peered over my Economics textbook. He had a look of anticipation, as if he was waiting for some pain relieving gossip.

“I was home,” I responded innocently before he rolled his eyes at me. “Now, don’t bother me, I’m trying to focus.” Although normally I would use anything to distract me from school, I wasn’t about to involve Max in last night’s mess.

“Are you expecting me to believe you weren’t at Nina’s party?” He raised his eyebrows at me. I didn’t know what I was expecting. Frankly, no expectation in the world would have prepared me well enough. But I wanted to be there for Nina like she had for me. Perhaps I couldn’t fix her parent’s divorce, but I could at least attend her house party. Especially after her break up with Todd, the leather jacket douche that called her “babe” so much I would wonder if he knew her real name.

“I promise you’ll have a great time,” Nina had told me. And at first, I really did. There is something comforting about the stagnant smell of beer penetrating every fiber of clothing and hair follicle. Something nostalgic about repetitive rap songs preaching about the wonders of big asses.

Everything seemed normal at first. The music was pounding loudly and the dim lights carried shadows across the cramped living room. I could feel the air thickening.

Minutes before terror, I was standing unnoticed next to a group of girls I recognized.

“Someone told me her dad was abusive,” I heard one say with wide eyes.

“Yeah, apparently the neighbors called the cops on them,” another responded.

“Well, I wouldn’t point fingers just yet. Nina’s mom’s a bitch. Maybe she deserved it,” a brunette shrugged and took a sip of her drink right before our eyes met. Her face flared red as she realized her words had been overhead. I clenched my fists in rage.

“How about you all mind your own–”. My response was cut short by a piercing scream. I quickly stood up in alert. The room became still. The music stopped and those still standing looked at one another with puzzled looks. The source was nowhere to be seen. It came again, this time along with a cry. I recognized Nina immediately. I pushed my way across the living room and ran up the stairs before barging into Nina’s bedroom.

I noticed him first. His leather jacket shimmered in the moonlight as he stood tall and angry. A millisecond later, I spotted Nina on the floor. Hands covering her face in defense. The lack of light in the room didn’t stop the fierceness of her blood as it dripped down her temple and into her hair.

I stood still. My brain called in fear but my body made no response. Not even when Todd walked passed me, into the hallway and shut the door behind him.

Nina remained on the floor. She held herself and rocked back and forth, letting silent cries out into the thick air.

“Don’t tell anyone.” She whispered.

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“Hello?” Max snapped at me. “Are you going to tell me or not?” I stared at him blankly as the vivid flashbacks flew through my head. My heart stung in bitterness as I recognized that all I wanted to do was say it. To write it out in sharpie on all student lockers.

Nina’s bloody face burned in my head. “There’s nothing to tell.”

title: [RF] Last Night Leftovers

question: What does the passage say about Todd?

answer: Todd is Nina's ex-boyfriend. After months of immersing himself in his relationship with Nina, he left her the day before he landed her a nice, solid punch to the face.

critique: The response is inaccurate. Todd did not punch Nina.

critique: Todd is not Nina's ex-boyfriend. He is her ex-boyfriend.

critique: Heroine Nina's full name, Todd's punching reflex, or the fact that he left Nina prior to the ex would be better mentions.

text: It is only assumed that Nina's ex-boyfriend punches her, the text does not explicitly say so.

question: What does the passage say about Nina's parents?

answer: Nina was having a party after her parents' divorce. Nina's father is abusive and he got in a fight with the police once.

critique: Nina's father is never mentioned as abusive.

critique: The response inaccurately mentions that Nina's father got in a fight with the police.

critique: This is not likely and should be omitted.

critique: The response contains inaccurate information.

question: What does the passage say about domestic abuse?

answer: No answer

critique: The answer should mention the gossip about Nina's family.

critique: The response misses to mention that the story mentions domestic abuse.

question: What does the passage say about prom?

answer: No answer

critique: There is no mention of prom in the text.


text:
"Down in the well, the water dwelled."

-Nope.

"Down in the well, the water sat."

-No, that's not right either. Water is inanimate. It can neither dwell nor sit. What does water do? Rest? Lie?

Perch?

-'Perch'? Are we out of our linguistic mind? Water is not a cat! All those earlier description failures are attempts at personifying a thing. I suppose water CAN course (but only when there is an active current and gravity to push the molecules). In most ordinary instances that we can think of, it appears that water can only 'be' (as far as within the flat, level environment of a deep, lonely well.)

Ok then. let's try again. "Down in the well, the water just was."

-Humm. We can't think of a good rhyme for 'was'. We were going to try 'cause' in the next line but that's a real stretch to rhyme 'was' and 'cause'. Maybe we should actually try to personify the water. That might be interesting.

"Down in the well the water lurked. It was such a ridiculous construct it made us smirk."

-Yeah, 'lurked' and 'smirk' are too silly to use in serious writing and we're still uncomfortable with the idea of personifying a thing.

'Bubbled'? 'Gurgled'? 'Rested'? 'Was corralled'? 'Contained within'? That last one is technically accurate but it's too awkward to 'flow' smoothly into a verse.

-Hummm, flow? Nah. 'Flow' also implies gravitational action that wouldn't be at work inside a well.

'Floated'?

-Well, that's somewhat accurate but really other things float IN water. They work against the collection of hydrogen and oxygen molecules to be buoyant.

Can't something float within itself?

-Nah, too metaphysical. We must keep the poem easy to comprehend.

Poem? Who says this is a POEM? Does it have to be? Dude! Maybe it's a gruesome horror story and there's a dead body floating IN the tepid water!

   "Down in the well, the water contained the bloated body of Randolph Ringhoffer."

Does the name 'Ringhoffer' or having double 'R' initials distract from the story idea? Should we have used a more common name like 'Jones'?

-What does it matter at this point, 'dude'? How can anything distract a reader if we only have one sentence so far? It's silly to worry about such things this early.

   That's not true at all. I happen to already know that Mr. Ringhoffer was intentionally pushed into the well by an angry malcontent. He drowned. He's been floating there five weeks in the stagnant, festering pool. His restless spirit has been getting angrier by the minute until someone extracts revenge on... Butch Cas... er... Carson. The local outlaw, Butch Carson.

-'Outlaw'? Open well? 'Malcontent'? 'Butch'? Is this a 'Wild West' roundup tale or something? Those aren't common terms and situations for modern times.

   As a matter of fact it is, Mr. Negative. It takes place in 1887, in frontier Wyoming. That's where Mr. Ringhoffer's cattle ranch is. What's with all the single quotes, anyway? Is that a manifestation of your contempt for my writing choices?

-Take it easy, 'hoss'. I'm just echoing the subconscious thoughts of your potential readers. That's the sort of thing that would occur to them. You know I'm your inner monologue. It's my job to critique and challenge you creatively. Otherwise you do not grow as a writer and storyteller.

If you are just a part of my creativity, how do you know what others will think about my details? What innate insight do you have? You're just an annoying voice in my head.

 -As a matter of fact, myself and the inner monologues of everyone else in the world gets together for big discussions and conferences. We evaluate things. We discuss YOU and your penchant to over-analyze small details. It's sad really. We feel you could achieve some great things if you'd just let the writing occur naturally. Stop agonizing over minute details.

Ok. Fair enough. I understand 'you' are just trying to help. Could we have a little more 'constructive' and a little less outright 'criticism'?

-Yes. Sure. I don't want you to feel discouraged either. It's a balancing act. I'm digging the story idea so far. I'm anxious to see where you go with it. Just please, for all that is holy, do NOT weave a well-worn cliché about rival wealthy landowners who dam up the river to extract gold from the stream. That would just be 'Unforgiven'.

title: [MF] 'At war with his internal-monologue'

question: What does the story say about how the protagonists write a poem?

answer: The protagonist asks himself how the water moves in a well. The narrator also uses deep and abstract personification techniques. Instead of writing about the actual event, the narrator explains on how he does not have the creativity to flow his words in a simple way.

critique: Remove "The narrator also uses deep and abstract"

critique: These are additional descriptions of what the protagonist writes, not the actual thought processes of the author.

critique: The protagonist is the author, not the narrator.

critique: The protagonist is not the one asking the questions, but the author.

critique: "The narrator also uses deep and abstract personification techniques." - the narrator is actually a voice in the protagonist's head.

critique: There is no evidence that the narrator has to flow his words.

critique: The protagonist is a part of the narrator's imagination.

critique: The response misses to mention that the protagonist is writing a poem about a body that is floating in a well.

critique: The protagonist is not necessarily a single person, but a group of voices in his head.

critique: This is a modification of the answer that is more accurate

text: The protagonist and narrator are the same person. Refer to them consistently as the "protagonist".

category: coherence

refinement: The protagonist asks himself how the water moves in a well. The narrator also uses deep and abstract personification techniques. Instead of writing about the actual event, the narrator explains on how he does not have the creativity to flow his words in a simple way.

question: What does the story say about the protagonists' characters?

answer: No answer

critique: The answer should include that the story presents the protagonists internal conflict.

critique: The story is thinly disguised critique of a writer's process.

critique: The story is a way for the author to get ideas out of their head since they have a lot going on in their head.

text: This answer is false. The protagonist discusses his possible characters "Mr.Ringhoffer" and "Butch Carson".


text:
HERMANN HESS HELFENSTEIN (February 3, 1916 - October 14, 2008) was a Swiss Naturalist, Explorer, Climber and Engineer too. He was member of the “Schweizer Alpen Club” (SAC in Switzerland) and “Deutscher Anden Verein” (DAV in Chile). He was notable for first ascents and exploration in Patagonia.

Career as naturalist, explorer and climber

He was born in Engelberg, a mountain village in Switzerland, where his`parents ran a hotel. He began climbing with his father who was also a mountain guide.

[First Climbing Titlis North Face in Engelberg Swirtzerland in 1935 by H. Hess, W. Hoehn and O. Bolli]

In 1937, he emigrated to South America and in the South Andes Mountain Range he first climbed the Volcano Puntiagudo[1] with his partner R. Roth through the South Face.[2]

Hermann Hess led three expeditions to Northern Patagonian Ice Field. Two of them were for geological purposes, started from the east and was sponsored by the Swiss Geologist A. Heim. The expedition from 1939/12/15 to 1940/1/16 was integrated by H. Hess, A. Heim, W. Schmitt, H. Moser and H. Neumayer.[3] and the expedition from 1945/11/18 to 1945/12/31 was integrated by H.Hess, A. Heim, H. Smoll, A. Valmitjana and J. Studer. There he gave unknown and nameless summits a denomination, such as Cerro Cristal and Cerro Tronco climbing them for the first time.[4]

[Kayaking for the approach to Northern Patagonian Ice Field during the Geological Expedition from 1939 to 1940]

Hermann Hess led and sponsored a 5-month expedition[5] to the Northern Patagonian Ice Field from 1941/11/1 to 1942/3/1 starting at this time from the west with E. Hoffmann, J. Alig, G. Mani and the porter I. Vargas finding severe climatical and geographical difficulties.[6][7] In that decade he made also the successful first climb with R. Eggmann and J. Neumeyer to isolated Cerro Maca in 1944.[8]

[H. Hess, U. Lorber and H. Stehr climbing the main summit of Mount Tronador (3491 m) in 1963]

Return to Switzerland

In 1950 he married Frida Schwabe in Puerto Varas. They had two children, German and Roland and in 1960 he returned to Switzerland. There he climbed the Mont Blanc, Weisshorn, Matterhorn, Eiger and Piz Palü.

He returned to Santiago, Capital of Chile, in 1963 and undertook the higher summits of the North Andes Mountain Range with members of DAV W. Foerster, F. Oestemer, H. Janko and other climbers until his death in 2008.

[H. Hess climbing in the nineties]

[1] Potthoff, José Miguel. _Volcan Puntiagudo_. Chile: Andes Handbook, 2007. https://www.andeshandbook.org/montanismo/cerro/311/Puntiagudo .Retrieved 2020-04-06.

[2] Hess, Hermann. _La Primera Ascencion al Cerro Puntiagudo fue Gloriosa y Dramatica_ Chile: Revista Andina N°48 Pages 23–25, 1945.

[3] Echevarría, Evelio. _Chile Andinista : Su Historia_. Chile: Ediciones El Mercurio, 1994.

[4] Heim, Arnold. _Südamerika_, Switzerland: Verlag Hans Huber, 1952.

[5] Gedda, Francisco. _Al Sur del Mundo: La Temible Ruta de los Hielos_. Chile: Sur Imagen, Taira, 1995. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTUu-8k0J0Y&feature=youtu.be .Retrieved 2020-04-06.

[6] Hoffmann Ernst, _Das Inlandeis vom San Valentin_. Chile: Zeitschrift für Naturfreunde und Wanderer Andina, Pages 22-24, 1943.

[7] Della, Carlos. _San Valentin_. Argentina: Tecpetrol, 2010. http://www.tecpetrol.com/patagonicos/cuaderno10/cuaderno10.html .Retrieved 2020-04-06.

[8] Della, Carlos. _Volcanes Australes_. Argentina: Tecpetrol, 2010. http://www.tecpetrol.com/patagonicos/cuaderno15/cuaderno15.html .Retrieved 2020-04-06.

title: Hermann Hess Helfenstein

question: Summarize the relationship between Hermann's childhood and his lifestyle to mountain climbing.

answer: Hermann's life was seemingly built around mountains. As a boy, he spent a lot of time up at his family's hotel on the mountain. It was there he received climbing instruction from his father, who was a mountain guide. He also remembers going hiking with his mother and family. While it's not clear that he participated as a climber, he was certainly near the mountain often.

critique: Hermann did not discuss who his parents were in the passage

critique: The answer is not clear about Hermann's childhood.

critique: This is pure conjecture, but Hermann living on a mountain was essential to his career.

critique: "He also remembers going hiking with his mother and family" is irrelevant to the question.

critique: Does not mention that his parents ran a hotel.

critique: It's not clear that Hermann was a climber as a boy.

critique: "He also remembers going hiking with his mother and family." - this part of the response is incorrect and does not support the answer given. It should be revised.

critique: The response is missing key details about Hermann's childhood.

critique: Hermann's life was not, in fact, built around mountains.

critique: This answer misses to mention his first climb

critique: In the response, it is stated that Hermann's life was seemingly built around mountains. This is incorrect.

critique: The answer is not clear about the relationship between Hermann's childhood and his lifestyle to mountain climbing.

text: It is inaccurate that it's not clear that he participated as a climber.