text:
THRILLOPOLIS was a planned amusement park that was to have been built by Themeparks LLC in the early 2000s. The park was planned to be built in Nashville, Tennessee, near the Adelphia Coliseum. The project was announced in 2002, and was projected to open in 2005. The park was originally planned to be located at an 82-acre site near the Adelphia Coliseum on the banks of the Cumberland River, but after conflicts with the local government, Themeparks LLC planned to build the park in Wilson County. The project was scrapped around 2004-05.

History

Downtown Nashville proposal

In the early 2000s, Themeparks LLC, who were operating Magic Springs and Crystal Falls in Hot Springs, Arkansas, and had sold Kentucky Kingdom in Louisville, Kentucky to Premier Parks in 1997, were looking to expand. The company began working on plans for an amusement park that was to be built in Nashville, Tennessee, a city that had not had any major amusement parks since Opryland USA closed in December 1997.[1] On April 25, 2002, Ed Hart, the CEO of Themeparks LLC, pitched the concept for a Nashville-based theme park called Thrillopolis to Mayor Bill Purcell and the Nashville Chamber of Commerce. Thrillopolis was planned to be built on an 82-acre industrial site, owned by the Steiner Liff Iron and Metal Company, on the banks of the Cumberland River and next to the Adelphia Coliseum.[2] Construction was to begin in late 2002, and the park was going to open in 2005. During the proposal, Themeparks LLC estimated that the park's construction would cost $193 million, the company wanted $127 million in public financing which they would back with a $100 million letter of credit. Maria Partlow, vice president of marketing for Themeparks LLC, said, “We have to have a public-private partnership, that is the model for how these parks work now.”[3]

Several Nashville council members publicly showed opposition for the planned amusement park. Council member J.B. Loring said the proposal “simply doesn’t fit in with the progress of Nashville at all,” and he said that every council member he spoke to agreed with his opinion that the plan was “ridiculous.” Council member Ron Nollner said that the proposal was “Out of the question, In my book, that’s not doable." John Summers, another council member, said that Nashville “shouldn’t be the funding of first resort for a speculative business. If the business doesn’t work out, the city is at risk. Meanwhile, extending the lending capacity to amusement park developers means we have less lending capacity for our real needs, like schools.”[4] Mayor Purcell also showed opposition to the amusement park, saying "Everyone thinks that it would be nice for us to have a theme park, the question is, should we take $127 million in public resources and put it to that use?” Purcell mentioned that he didn't understand why Hart wanted public funding when he didn't seek a bank loan, saying “For returns that are certain, there is a great amount of capital in a market system like ours. For people with ideas to come to a city asking for funding, that usually means that private investors have concluded that it doesn’t meet their standard of risk.” Hart said that he needed credit from the city, because “financing an amusement park of this size privately would mean taking on too much debt.”[5]

Many people were also opposed to the park's proposed location, next to the Adelphia Coliseum and Downtown Nashville. Because of the area's proximity to Downtown Nashville, many were worried about the park's affect on the city's aesthetic, as it would become a noticeable part of Nashville's skyline.[6]

On June 17, 2002, Themeparks LLC announced that the 82-acre riverfront site in Nashville was no longer under consideration as a possible site for Thrillopolis. During the announcement, Hart said that “the company is looking at various other locations in Nashville-Davidson County, as well as in the greater Middle Tennessee region, as potential sites for a park,” Hart continued, saying “It has become apparent that there are divergent opinions about the best use of the Steiner Liff site that do not appear to be reconcilable any time in the near future," adding “Despite our confidence in the initial financing plan, we understand Metro’s concern about assuming credit risk. We look forward to continued discussions with Mayor Purcell to meet his criteria as well as our own.”[7]

Wilson County proposal

On September 18, 2002, The Wilson County Economic Development Board confirmed that Themeparks LLC was looking at several Wilson County sites. Many people in Wilson County were excited that Thrillopolis could be built in the area, one resident said “Maybe it'd save them from raising our taxes again. We'd get out-of-state money coming in.”[8] During preliminary discussions with Wilson County officials, Hart mentioned that a scaled-down version of the park would be built. Unlike the Nashville proposal, a water park would be built first, and then expand to add amusement rides.[9] On October 15, 2002, Themeparks LLC announced that they had signed an exclusivity agreement with Wilson County for the development of a theme park. Under the one-year covenant, the two moved forward with a feasibility study to project the potential economic benefits of a public-private partnership.[10] However, Themeparks LLC decided not to build an amusement park in Tennessee, and Thrillopolis was canceled around 2004-05.

During an interview in April 2014, Hart talked about Thrillopolis, he said “I was interested in opening up a theme park in Nashville, and Opryland had closed, and we tried to work that out with a number of city and state officials. We were at it for about two or three years, but it didn't work out, and some things don't, but it would have been interesting for Nashville to once again have had a nice regional theme park.”[11]

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title: Thrillopolis

question: What does the text say about the best rides at Thrillopolis?

answer: No answer

critique: There is no best rides mentioned in the article.

critique: The correct spelling of the planned theme park is Thrillopolis.

critique: This response is insufficient to achieve a passing score.

critique: No answer is given, but there is a mention of a water park.

critique: No answer is given, however the text does give a few details about Thrillopolis.

critique: No answer given. The article discusses the proposed rides in the park.

critique: The answer is not relevant to the question.

critique: The answer is incorrect because the text does discuss Thrillopolis's rides.

question: What does the text say about the level of opposition against the proposed Thrillopolis amusement park?

answer: In general, the reception to the proposed amusement park was not favorable. Residents of the affected area, in Nashville and Wilson County, showed fervent opposition to the amusement park, coming from the expected aesthetic detriments that the construction and the presence of the park would bring. The City of Nashville tweeted that they did not have the money to waste on frivolous endeavours such as opening a theme park. The Rolling Stones canceled a show in Nashville on their 2002 tour, citing the expected negative impact that their presence would have on the park's construction.

critique: The Rolling Stones, a band, did not cancel a show

critique: There is no evidence of opposition from the Rolling Stones.

critique: The Rolling Stones did not cancel a show in Nashville.

critique: The Rolling Stones did not cancel their Nashville concert because of the park. They canceled for other reasons.

critique: The Rolling Stones did not cancel their concert in Nashville on the grounds of being able to negatively impact the construction of the park. This is entirely made up.

critique: The Rolling Stones performing in Nashville was not directly related to the park's construction.

critique: The Rolling Stones did not cancel their show in Nashville on their 2002 tour. The answer should mention the show was moved to Dallas.

critique: The Rolling Stones canceled a show in Nashville on their 2002 tour, citing the expected negative impact that their presence would have on the park's construction. - this is false and should be deleted.

critique: The Rolling Stones concert was not canceled due to the proposed Thrillopolis.

critique: The Rolling Stones cancellation should be mentioned in the same context as the rest of the opposition.

critique: The Rolling Stones did not cancel a show in Nashville on their 2002 tour.

critique: The Rolling Stones did not cancel their show in Nashville.

critique: The Rolling Stones concert cancellation was not mentioned or implied

critique: The Rolling Stones were in 2002 and there was no specific evidence that this was the reason for their cancellation.

question: What does the text say about Themeparks LLC's pitch for Thrillopolis?

answer: Ed Hart pitched the concept of Thrillopolis to the Nashville Chamber of Commerce and Mayor Purcell on April 25, 2002. In July 2002, Hart and his company announced that the 82-acre site was no longer under consideration. The company then announced that they had signed an exclusivity contract with Wilson County by October 15, 2002.

critique: There is no evidence in the text to suggest that it was Hart who personally pitched the concept

critique: The response misses to mention that the company was looking to build the park in Nashville, Tennessee.

critique: The date of the announcement that the Nashville site was no longer being considered should be omitted because it isn't relevant.

critique: Hart's company was looking at other locations in Nashville-Davidson County and the greater Middle Tennessee region. Include this in the response as well.

critique: Hart made his announcement in June because, according to the document, it was in June when council members "publicly showed opposition for the planned amusement park"

critique: The answer should mention the company's plans for the park.

critique: Hart took interest in putting an amusement park in Nashville after Opryland USA closed in December 1997. The company was also interested in building the park on a 82-acre site that was owned by Steiner Liff Corp.

critique: The company's announcement should be listed in a separate sentence.

critique: The answer should mention the public financing.

critique: Hart pitched the Thrillopolis concept to Mayor Purcell and the Nashville Chamber of Commerce on April 25, 2002.

critique: Include the estimated construction costs.

critique: Hart's announcement in July 2002 was not "the company's" announcement.

critique: The answer omits the details of the proposal.

critique: The response includes extraneous information not useful for the task.

critique: The answer omits the financial details of the proposal.

critique: Hart pitching the concept is not relevant to the question

text: The day Themeparks LLC announced that the 82-acre riverfront site in Nashville was no longer under consideration as a possible site for Thrillopolis was June 17, 2002, not July. The model should consider correcting this.

refinement: Ed Hart pitched the concept of Thrillopolis to the Nashville Chamber of Commerce and Mayor Purcell on April 25, 2002. In July 2002, Hart and his company announced that the 82-acre site was no longer under consideration. The company then announced that they had signed an exclusivity contract with Wilson County by October 15, 2002.


split: test

text:
Dawn of Darkness
Dark clouds blocked out the sun. Thunder rolled and boomed, as lightning lit up the skies. Below, the salty waves tossed and tumbled, growing larger as the wind whipped and raged from the north. The rain came down in torrents, pelting the deck of the wooden ship, and soaking the wood. The first mate barked out orders to the crew who busied themselves to carry those orders out. The sails were taken in, so as to not be blown off course. The idea was to wait out the storm, as the waves weren’t so bad that they needed to get out of danger. Near the bow, on top deck, a woman cloaked in a silver robe stood by a man who was robbed in royal purple. Both had crowns fastened to their heads. Soldiers stood by, on edge from the storm, but otherwise relaxed. The man smiled down at his wife and looked to the small bundle of joy she held in her arms. A small child, nearly a year old, rested against her mother’s breast. She had dark, nearly obsidian black hair. Her emerald green eyes were closed now, resting while the storm raged on around them. Her little fingers curled tightly around her mother’s necklace. Their calm was shattered by the sound of lightning as it hit the main mast. The following boom of thunder was loud enough to wake the dead. Deckhands scrambled as they tried to put out the fire that was quickly spreading, but another bolt of lighting struck the ship near the stern, and soon they understood their battle with the flames was a lost cause. The captain readied the life boats, and had the king and queen begin to board. A large wave crashed into the side of the ship and the queen and her child were sent flying over the side. The life boat was lowered down into the unforgiving seas. The queen tried to stay close to the boat, but between holding her child’s head above the waves and the weight of her attire, she was quickly losing strength. She felt something brush up against her. The queen was so tired at this point, her arm holding her child threatened to release her. She saw the life boat coming for her, she knew she would be safe soon. But her child.. Suddenly she felt her child being taken from her arms, as if the water itself was wishing her to drop the child. She screamed up at the skies to whatever god might be listening.

“Save my baby, please! Save my Allene!”

Something came up from the waves, a sleek head, covered in scales, long like a horse’s. two horns upon the top of it’s head that looked like blackened icicles, Nearly glowing blue orbs seemed to bring the queen into a state of shock. This was a water dragon. Feared for their ever-changing moods, and loved for their kindness. The desperate mother, without a thought, handed her child up to the dragon, who took it in it’s maw gently. But as the life boats came closer, the dragon’s eyes became a glare. There was a man raging in the small life boat, he was screaming out of fear, and waved a sword in the air. The dragon gave a deep growl and sunk below the waves.

The queen screamed in horror as she watched her baby disappear beneath the black waves, her strength gave out and she began to sink, hoping to join her child in a watery grave. Large hands pulled at her soaked body before she could embrace the darkness that surrounded her and she was pulled into the chaos of life. She sobbed openly as her king held her, the dread and hatred in his eyes was enough to keep the crew silent while they worked on getting everyone safely to shore. The closest line of safety being Conach Moore, an island that held many mountains. On the eastern side there was a small village that would be able to help them get home to Riochtdome.

Beneath the unforgiving waves, in the calm depths of the ocean, the water dragon still carried the young child in it’s maw, a protective barrier surrounded it so that water did not enter the child’s lungs. The dragon had sensed darkness in the King’s heart and sought to save both the mother and the child, but when she had looked for the mother, the king was already pulling her with him. With a heavy heart she took the child to her home, Farlig Dyre. It was a rather large island, filled with forests, mountains, rivers, and plains. It was a beautiful land where Humans dared not tread, and Dragons lived peacefully. She swam up to the edge of the massive cliff that served as a shoreline, digging her claws into the rough earth as she hauled her long, lithe body up the mountainous wall. Her deep blue scales dripped water and left a wet trail as she climbed over the wall and onto the soft lush grass of the northern forest. She placed the now awake, and yet peaceful child, onto the ground. She held her massive head to the sky and beckoned her elders with a roar. As she waited for the sounds of familiar wings beating against the wind, she gathered a few logs and used her claw to dig a small, shallow hole She placed the logs inside and lit a fire with her maw. Her fire was blue, but unlike most fires, it wasn’t as hot as it should be. It was warm, like a sunny day rather than a bursting inferno. She placed the child near the edge of it so as to keep it warm, spreading one of her small wings over her so as to keep her dry. She curled herself up around the child the mother had called Allene, and looked to the skies, awaiting the judgment of her elders.

title: [FN]Dawn of Darkness: The Beginning

question: Explain the climax of the story.

answer: The climax of the story is when the water dragon takes the baby to her home, Farlig Dyre, and awaits the judgment of her elders.

critique: The climax is when the dragon takes the baby from the queen.

critique: The climax is when the dragon takes the baby from the mother.

critique: The climax is when the dragon takes the baby to her home.

critique: This doesn't describe the climax of the story. The climax is when the dragon saves the baby from the water, and the king's heart is full of darkness.

critique: The climax of the story is when the queen realizes her baby has been taken by the water dragon.

critique: The answer omits that the climax is when the dragon saves the baby from the sinking ship.

critique: The dragon rips the child from the mother; that is the climax of the story.

critique: The climax is when the dragon takes the baby from the queen and the king's hatred and fear causes the dragon to leave the baby to die.

question: What does the story say about the king and queen's relationship?

answer:
The king and queen are on a ship when it is attacked by a water dragon. The queen holds her child in her arms as the captain readies the life boats. A large wave crashes into the side of the ship and the queen and her child are sent flying over the side. The life boat was lowered down into the unforgiving seas. The queen tries to stay close to the boat, but between holding her child's head above the waves and the weight of her attire, she was quickly losing strength. She felt something brush up against her. The queen was so tired at this point, her arm holding her child threatened to release her. She saw the life boat coming for her, she knew she would be safe soon. But her child.. Suddenly she felt her child being taken from her arms, as if the water itself was wishing her to drop the child. She screamed up at the skies to whatever god might be listening.

“Save my baby, please! Save my Allene!”

Something came up from the waves, a sleek head, covered in scales, long like a horse’s. two horns upon the top of it’s head that looked like blackened icicles, Nearly glowing blue orbs seemed to bring the queen into a state of shock. This was a water dragon. Feared for their ever-changing moods, and loved for their kindness. The desperate mother, without a thought, handed her child up to the dragon, who took it in it’s maw gently. But as the life boats came closer, the dragon’s eyes became a glare. There was a man raging in the small life boat, he was screaming out of fear, and waved a sword in the air. The dragon gave a deep growl and sunk below the waves.

The queen screamed in horror as she watched her baby disappear beneath the black waves, her strength gave out and she began to sink, hoping to join her child in a watery grave. Large hands pulled at her soaked body before she could embrace the darkness that surrounded her and she was pulled into the chaos of life. She sobbed openly as her king held her, the dread and hatred in his eyes was enough to keep the crew silent while they worked on getting everyone safely to shore. The closest line of safety being Conach Moore, an island that held many mountains. On the eastern side there was a small village that would be able to help them get home to Riochtdome.

critique: The response is missing a lot of details about the king and queen's relationship.

critique: The question can be answered more directly.

critique: The information about the king and queen's relationship is irrelevant.

critique: The answer is irrelevant to the question.

critique: The response is missing the part where the dragon saves the baby.

critique: The response is missing the part where the king and queen are on the ship and the queen loses her baby to the water dragon.

text: The story does not discuss their relationship.

category: coherence


text:
TAIPEI -- California-based Applied Materials, the world's top chip and display equipment maker, has ordered staff to halt all deliveries and servicing for China's biggest LED chip maker, who was named on a red flag list recently issued by the U.S. government.

Xiamen San'an Optoelectronics is one of at least three Chinese customers of Applied Materials who were identified on the U.S. government's "unverified list," people with knowledge of the situation told Nikkei Asian Review. While the list does not embargo dealings with these entities, it requires American companies to treat them with caution. U.S. suppliers can no longer use existing licences to sell them products or service installed equipment, but have to reapply for new ones. San'an Optoelectronics is also the world's biggest LED chipmaker by revenue and listed in Shanghai.

Xi'an Jiaotong University, one of China's top 15 colleges, and a unit of Chinese Academy of Sciences, the country's top research agency, are also Applied Materials customers named on the unverified list, which was published on April 11, a supply chain source familiar with the move said. Some 37 Chinese companies and research institutions were named on the list, as well as seven organizations in Hong Kong, four in the United Arab Emirates, two in Malaysia and one in Indonesia.

The U.S. government's move marks another setback to the companies and research institutions who are crucial to China's ambitions to become a global tech superpower.

Applied Materials supplies almost all the world's leading semiconductor and panel manufacturers. Market leaders such as Intel, Samsung Electronics, Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Co, and China's national display champion BOE Technology Group could not make products without the company's tool and services.

As an industry leader in advanced tools for the critical semiconductor industry, Applied Materials' decision to immediately stop all business with those on the list could influence other U.S. vendors, as well as those outside the country, industry sources told Nikkei.

On April 12, Applied Materials sent a notice to all staff involved with the named companies that they should "immediately stop all pending and future equipment delivery, and cease all service activities at their sites," according to the notice obtained by Nikkei. The U.S. chip tool giant also demanded that staff, contractors and other personnel immediately withdraw from the sites of those companies, the notice said.

The notice warned that failure to follow this compliance could lead to significant violations of U.S. trade law.

The company's actions come just weeks after Applied Materials' CEO Gary Dickerson traveled to China in late March to attend SEMICON China, one of the industry's biggest events and an important showcase for Chinese technology ever since Beijing made chip industry development a top policy priority in 2014.

At the event, Dickerson made his first clear and public statement about the U.S.-China trade tensions which have hit the chip industry hard. "The strained relationship between China and the U.S. can put decades of economic growth at risk," Dickerson said. He also warned it would be "a lose-lose proposition" if the world's two biggest economic powers were unable to get along.

Applied Materials generated some 26% of its revenue from China, its biggest market, in the most recent quarter ending Jan. 27. The U.S. company did not immediately respond to a request for comments. San'an also did not respond to the request for comments.

China's commerce ministry spokesman Gao Feng last week hit back at the new unverified list, saying the U.S. move could harm Chinese companies' reputation and disrupt normal trade activities. Beijing said it objected to the abuse of national security and export control rules and demanded the U.S. withdraw the new curbs as soon as possible.

Akin Gump, an international law firm, warned companies in a research note that they would have to respond to the requirements of the unverified list. "As a result of this development, U.S. and non-U.S. companies and others should update their internal control program screens to ensure compliance with the new requirements," the research note said.

Harry Clark, a partner with Orrick, Herrington & Sutcliffe LLP in Washington, told Nikkei that being added to the unverified list does not mean a broad ban on U.S. exports and re-exports to the entity, but it would need to obtain extra licences and file additional reports if dealing with such entities. It also applies to foreign persons.

"My firm advises clients to be especially careful to ensure that any export or re-export involving an unverified list entity is scrupulously compliant with the regulation," Clark said.

_Nikkei staff writer Lauly Li contributed to this report._

question: What is the purpose of the U.S red flag list?

answer: The U.S red flag list is to identify entities that are not to be trusted.

critique: This is implied by Applied Materials and customers being added to the unverified list. Xiamen San'an Optoelectronics is one of at least three Chinese customers of Applied Materials who were identified on the U.S. governments "unverified list" which requires American companies to treat them with caution.

critique: The answer should mention the specific purpose of the list.

critique: The list is not to identify entities that are not to be trusted, but to require caution.

critique: The list is not to be trusted, but it is to be treated with caution.

question: Why is China a threat to the US economically?

answer: China is a threat to the US economically because it is a global tech superpower.

critique: The answer is too vague. It should be more specific.

question: How does the Chinese company feel about being red listed?

answer: China's commerce ministry spokesman Gao Feng hit back at the new unverified list, saying the U.S. move could harm Chinese companies' reputation and disrupt normal trade activities. Beijing said it objected to the abuse of national security and export control rules and demanded the U.S. withdraw the new curbs as soon as possible.

critique: The answer is not related to the question.

question: What is the consequence of Xiamen San'an Optoelectronics being redlisted?

answer: Applied Materials, the world's top chip and display equipment maker, has ordered staff to halt all deliveries and servicing for China's biggest LED chip maker.

critique: The answer should mention that the red list means that the company has to reapply for new licenses to sell them products or service installed equipment.


text:
I sat outside of the kitchen door, ass firmly planted on the cold concrete steps that led up to the service entrance. It was raining out, so I had to Macgyver an umbrella against the loose steel railing to protect my cigarette. It had taken a few soaking tries, but I needed this damn thing.

We had just gotten through the Friday night dinner rush. Three hours of nonstop tickets, endless re-makes, shouting, whining, crying. Servers fucking up tickets. Cooks fucking up orders. The manager going red from screaming at us.

I raised a hand to my cheek and wiped some of the rain away.

The fucking manager. I was on fry. We had a bad string of sendbacks: Turns out the middle fryer hadn't been cleaned last night, and shit was coming out black.

I'm not sure how that's my fault. Well, I guess I should have paid attention, but I'm not the one cleaning the damn things.

I had tried to explain that, as eloquently as one can explain something with hot food in one hand, a fryer handle in the other, and a towering kitchen manager shouting and spraying sweat on me from about three inches away.

I took another long pull on my cigarette. The others usually came out here after a rush. Three or four of us, not to mention one or two servers, maybe a bartender, even a manager or two.

But everyone else had stayed inside, and it wasn't just the rain.

I had gotten reamed out pretty fucking hard, and this time I had given some shit back. I had thrown things. I mean, they threw things first, but they were management. We had all seen what Gordon Ramsey does to cooks on TV. The cooks don't get to come back, they just have to take it.

Tonight I hadn't taken it, and my current seclusion was a clue that maybe that wasn't the best option.

Fuck, I was going to get fired.

I tried not to think of it. I brought my cigarette up again and yelped when it burned my fingers.
Felt like I had just lit the fucker.

I reached down to fish another out when my fingers brushed against my phone. My hand froze, time slowing down.

I didn't want to get fired, but...

I pulled the phone out, flicking it on and pulling up the browser. It was still on my bank account, just like it had been the past three days

I re-entered the password, checking my balance.

$47,349.43.

I forced myself to swallow, letting out a shuddering breath. $47 grand.

I checked the deposits again.

Work paycheck, work paycheck, work paycheck. Each one around $900, bi-weekly.

No where in the deposits did it mention the $40,000 I had received three days ago, nor the $10,000 three days before that.

Hand trembling, I tapped the little rectangle to pull away from my bank account. I swiped to my pictures.

Me and my work buddies out drinking last night. One of the servers getting way too close to one of the bartenders. Phil, the dish guy, with a bunch of shots in front of him. Probably spent a week's pay out with us last night.

I kept swiping.

Abigail, her long, dark hair spilling out from a little baseball cap. Her mother, Jane, stood with her, smiling. They were at a baseball game somewhere. Jane hated my guts, but she wasn't going to keep our daughter's happiness from me.

I swiped again.

My brother, holding a fish up in the middle of a big white boat, somewhere in the Atlantic.

A woman I didn't know, her hair short and sandy blonde. An older man with a beer to his lips.

My dad, laying in a hospital bed, making a stupid face as my sister posed solemnly next to him. I couldn't help but grin at that old man.

A few more swipes, mostly photos of people I didn't know. A little guy with big muscles standing by my fryer and grinning, three twenty-something year old women sticking their tongues out, drinks in hand. Two guys with their arms around my neck, all three of us dressed in tuxedos.

The door behind me slammed, announcing a new arrival. I twisted back to look up, hoping it wasn't the kitchen manager.

Somehow, it was worse.

The man behind me was about six feet tall, dressed in a black business suit with a matching bowler. He didn't carry an umbrella but his clothes seemed to be shrugging off the rain, sending it splashing away whenever it touched the fabric.

“Awful day for a smoke, Mr. Wilson.” He noted, coming over to sit beside me.

“Awful day for anything.” I replied, trying to keep the tremor from my voice.

“Were you pleased with our last gift?” He asked casually, moving one white-gloved hand towards my phone and flicking through it. He brought up my account again.

“Yes, sir. Thank you very much. It was quite generous.”

He flashed a toothy smile at me, leaning closer.

“You're taking a lot more pictures lately.”

I swallowed but didn't reply.

“Why is that?” He continued.

“Please...” I whispered, looking down. “I don't need any more. You've been so generous, but... no more.”

“It doesn't work that way, John.”

My fist clenched. I wanted to strike him, but I knew that would be pointless. The rain couldn't touch him. I didn't even know what he was.

“But it's not all bad!” The man said cheerily. He tapped my screen again. “You're going to be rich! Are you ready?”
“No...” But I knew I didn't have a choice.

I felt a hand on my hand, it slid up slowly to the back of my head. There was a white flash. A searing pain in the back of my skull. I whimpered pitifully.

I saw something on the edge of my peripheral vision, a glowing green light. It winked out as I turned to look at it.

The man smiled at me warmly, moving his hand back to my phone and tapping on the screen twice.
My balance blurred, then updated.

$247,349.43.

I felt my throat go dry. That was so much money. An unbelievable amount. I could buy Abigail anything she wanted.

Then the panic hit me.

I clicked back to my photos.

Me and my co-workers, the server and bartender, the dishwasher, Abigail and her mother, my brother and the fish. I kept swiping.

More faces I didn't know. The woman with short hair, the man with the beer, my sister posing solemnly next to some goofy old man in a hospital bed.

title: [UR] Equivalent Exchange

question: What does the text say about the qualities that make a good cook?

answer: No answer

critique: The text does not really answer this question.

critique: The text does not explicitly say what makes a good cook.

critique: The question does not require an answer.

question: What does the story say about the argument John had with the kitchen manager?

answer: John was on fry when the middle fryer hadn't been cleaned last night. He tried to explain that it wasn't his fault, but the kitchen manager was screaming at him and spraying sweat on him from three inches away. John had thrown things, and the manager had thrown things first. He had seen what Gordon Ramsey does to cooks on TV. The cooks don't get to come back, they just have to take it. John didn't take it and was now secluded outside. He was going to get fired.

critique: The answer should mention that John had given some shit back.

critique: The response contains some inaccurate information.

critique: The answer should mention that John had gotten into an argument with the kitchen manager.

critique: The answer is a summary of the story, not a description of the argument.

critique: The response includes extraneous information not useful for the task.

critique: The answer should mention that John was defiant and refused to take the verbal abuse.

critique: This response repeats information that is already irrelevant to the question.


text:
Marcus Hetfield, August 18th, 2123
About thirteen and a half miles out of Kepler 62-F’s atmosphere, there we are; the tiny dot that is our reasonably-sized AGF, or Atmosphere Guard Flier for short. We usually  do routine checks and ask standard questions before we let cargo transporters and passenger ships enter 62-F's air space. We’re out here only armed with a basic cannon or two on the ship (based on the ship’s model)  along with simple firearms in the armory. There's only one other AGF guarding 62-F since this planet is not the highest of priorities, so we're practically alone out here save for a few other men. To be honest, we’re the crappy first line of defense; we’re screwed out here if we get attacked since we’re just a guard ship. Yeah, we’re in the Kepler Defense Squadron, but we’re kind of like Military Police and not true soldiers, since all we do is sit on our butts out in space waiting for a civillian craft to show up. You know, the measly guards at the front gate? Yeah, that’s us; cannon fodder, but it pays well.

. . .

Shep, the crew's technician and radar man, noticed a strange occurrence within their vicinity. “Hey Marcus, come check this out; I’m picking up a civilian-model Flier about twenty clicks from our current location, and it’s just drifting out there. I’ll try to establish contact with the pilot to see if they need any assistance. In the meantime, get the others ready for possible boarding if need be.”
Ten minutes passed.

“What the hell?!” exclaimed Shep. Marcus was in earshot. “What’s wrong?” Pointing at his headset with a flabbergasted look on his face, Shep responded with a plain “Nothing.” Smiling, Marcus responded, “Then why are you pissed at nothing? Just kidding, seriously, what’s wrong?”

“I’m getting jack on the line. Zip, zero, nada, bupcus. They’re either not home, or they’re all dead.”

“Jesus. Well, we're prepped and ready for boarding... protocol says that if we don't hear contact within the first ten, and we don't have any immediate backup, then we wait fifty more and establish contact with the other Flier in the meantime. Go ahead and call 'em up to tell them about our situation... but man, I don't feel good about this at all... could the passengers on board that ship truly be dead?”

Fifty minutes passed.

Shep had a positive look on his face. “Well, looks like you guys gotta board it. Hey, look at it this way; you all have great scores after repeated use of the simulators, there's no need to worry... right?” Drake, the crew's intimidating weapons specialist, saw right through Shep. “You're just happy that you don't have risk your life investigating a possibly hostile Flier. You're a valuable member to our team Shep, but you can be a true scumbag sometimes, and it's just shameful to be in the same Flier with a disgrace like yourself.” Shep muttered something under his breath as he piloted the team’s AGF to the civilian craft.
The AI guide over the speaker system stated that the connection between the two ships was complete and ready for transition boarding. “Proceed with caution. Ensure all safety procedures are followed when moving between ships. The Kepler Defense Squadron is not responsible for any deaths during the boarding process. All employees must-“ Shep deactivated the blaring program. “The bloody thing’s useless and annoying, you guys know what to do. Get in, assess the situation, shoot some things if you need to, and get out. According to scans, the craft has a full supply of oxygen, air pressure completely stable. We are go.”
Marcus then put on his gas mask. “It’s just a normal Flier, you’re not gonna need that,” said Roger, the team’s medic and doctor. “It’s highly unlikely that we’ll encounter a biohazard of some sort.”
“Roger, you know me by now, I’m paranoid when it comes to disease no matter what the situation. Anyway, I’ll lead the boarding line with Drake behind me, followed by yourself.”

Civilian Model Flier, ten minutes later.

Drake had a frustrated look on his face. “You’ve gotta be kidding me; after searching every single room in this ship, no one turns up? Not a single body, piece of identification, or anything. I was looking forward to some action, but really? What a waste of time.” Roger’s face looked as if he had seen a ghost; a blank thousand yard stare.  His eyes: bloodshot, twitching. Tears mixed together with beads of sweat streamed down his face like a raging flood. “Roger... you alright?” asked Marcus through the gas mask. He could not comprehend the rapidly degrading situation, seeing that nothing could have spurred the team's medic to fall to such a condition.

Trembling, Roger raised his G-29 pulse rifle. “WHY?! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO MURDER HIM IN COLD BLOOD?!! YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR MY FATHER'S DEATH! BURN IN HELL!!” Drake was frozen solid, seeing how his former comrade-turned-monster was now pointing a death sentence at him. He fired in Drake's direction, the three shot burst hitting him in the chest, blood splattering on the walls of the ship. Drake's now lifeless body fell to the floor with a metallic thud. “Oh... oh God... Sam... who did this to you, the rebels?” Roger began to stroke his dead friend's hair, speaking softly to him.

“Hush little baby, don't say a word, mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird.” He turned towards Marcus. “Honey, don't you think he's so adorable when he's asleep?... aww, would you look at that!” Roger ran his fingers through the thick pool of blood. “He wet himself. We're gonna have to change the baby together for the first time! I gotta find the camera... now Joseph, would you be a dear and get the powder for me? Thanks babe.” Marcus was terrified, shaken to the core. Never had he seen such an atrocity unfold before his eyes. While the monster in front of him was taking off Drake's gear, he raised the G-29 and fired a burst into Roger's head, killing him insantly.

. . .

Marcus walked back into the crew's AGF, closed the boarding connection, and removed his gas mask. “Shep, send the footage from my helmet cam to Tac-Com immediately and call for High Exec; we lost Roger and Drake...”

“Who's Shep?”

title: [SF/HR] High school assignment: a gothic short story set in space

question: Why is the civilian ship empty?

answer: Someone killed all the people on board and left their bodies, but who?

critique: The answer is incorrect. An accurate answer needs to be presented.

critique: The beginning of the answer seems unnecessary.

critique: The question is asking why the ship is empty. The answer is that the people on the ship are dead.

critique: The answer should be clearer about who killed the people.


text:
QONQURTAI () was a Mongol prince and viceroy of Anatolia for the Ilkhanate khanate.

Life

Qonqurtai was born to Hulagu Khan and Ajuja Aguchi, his Khitan concubine wife. Qonqurtai was Hulagu's ninth son and was the senior commander during the reign of his brother Abaqa. He was twice appointed as viceroy of Anatolia, first during the reign of Abaqa and then under Tekuder. His winter quarters were in Kazova plains near Tokat, while his viceroyalty itself has centred around Kayseri.

Rule in Anatolia

Qonqurtai was appointed as commander of Ilkhanid army in Anatolia with Shams al-Din Juvayni as his vizier after the Battle of Elbistan in 1277 to support the Sultanate of Rum against revolting Turcomans.[1] He pursed Jimri, a claimant to Seljuk throne, and attacked his patrons - the Karamanids. As a consequence, Mehmet I of Karaman was captured and executed together with his sons Mahmud and Karaman in October 1277.[2] Qonqurtai further authorised Sâhib Ata to act on his behalf. He aided Kaykhusraw III's efforts to subdue Karamanids and Eshrefids in 1282. However, Qonqurtai had to cease his activities upon hearing the death of Abaqa.

Upon the death of Abaqa, Qonqurtai supported Tekuder's succession in Maragha, who in return gave him the hand of Toqiyatai Khatun, a Keraite concubine of Hulagu and niece of Dokuz Khatun on 12 July 1282. He was also re-appointed as viceroy of Anatolia the same day.[3] However, later in Tekuder's reign, he shifted his alliance to Arghun, which made the former suspicious. Qonqurtai was summoned to Karabakh, accused of conspiracy and was arrested by Tegüder's son-in-law, Alinaq - the viceroy of Georgia on 17 January 1284, and was executed next day by breaking his neck.[4] Later, Arghun had put Tekuder on trial for Qonqurtai's death, who suffered the same penalty as him.

Personality

He was described as a wise ruler in _Zafarnamah_ by Hamdullah Mustawfi,[5] while Qalawun considered him as a not only dishonorable, but also cruel man.[6]

Family

He was married to Toqiyatai Khatun (d. 1292), a Keraite concubine of Hulagu and niece of Dokuz Khatun on 12 July 1282, and only two of his children reached adulthood.[7]:

1.  Esen Timur Kharbanda (executed by Ghazan in 1296[8])
    1.  Pulad
2.  Ildar (executed by Ghazan in 1296[9])
    1.  Aq Timur
3.  Karai (died in infancy)
4.  Changtimur (died in infancy)
5.  Tashtimur (died in infancy)
6.  Ashightimur (died in infancy)
7.  Akash m (died in infancy)

[1]

[2]

[3]

[4]

[5] L. J. Ward, “The Ẓafar-nāmah of Ḥamd Allāh Mustaufi and the Il-Khān dynasty of Iran,” Ph.D. diss, p.204, University of Manchester, 1983.

[6]

[7]

[8]

[9]

title: Qonqurtai

question: What does the text say about Qonqurtai?

answer: Qonqurtai was the ninth son and the senior commander of Hulagu Khan. He was twice appointed as the viceroy of Anatolia, twice under the reign of Abaqa and twice under the reign of Veradar.

critique: "Veradar" is likely intended to be "Tekuder"

question: What does the text say about Qonqurtai's early life?

answer: Qonqurtai was born to Hulagu Khan and Ajuja Aguchi, his Khitan concubine wife. Qonqurtai was Hulagu's ninth son and was the senior commander during the reign of his brother Abaqa. He was twice appointed as viceroy of Anatolia, first during the reign of Abaqa and then under Tekuder. His winter quarters were in Kazova plains near Tokat, while his viceroyalty itself has centred around Kayseri.

critique: "Qonqurtai" - needs to have a capital "Q" and "q" needs to be in Italics.

question: What does the text say about Qonqurtai's family?

answer: Qonqurtai was born to Hulagu Khan and Ajuja Aguchi, his Khitan concubine wife. He was the ninth child and senior commander during the reign of his brother Abaqa. He was appointed as commander of the Ilkhanid army in Anatolia with Shams al-Din Juvayni as his vizier. He married Toqiyatai Khatun, a Keraite concubine of Hulagu and niece of Dokuz Khatun. Only two of his children reached adulthood.

critique:
- Qonqurtai's appointment is irrelevant to the question and can be deleted.
- When he was the ninth child doesn't really matter, but the information can be included if available.

question: What does the text say about the royal lifestyle?

answer: No answer

critique: The response misses to answer the instruction in the task.

critique: The text does not have any information on the royal lifestyle.

critique: The answer should mention that the text doesn't say anything about the royal lifestyle.


text:
[in n out employee pay]

Employees at In-N-Out Burger start at a higher-than-average salary of at least $13 an hour.
 Adam Lau/AP
-   IN-N-OUT BURGER PAYS ITS EMPLOYEES REALLY WELL.
-   STORE MANAGERS EARN AN AVERAGE YEARLY SALARY OF MORE THAN $160,000, MORE THAN WHAT THE TYPICAL TECH WORKER IN SILICON VALLEY MAKES FOR THE YEAR.
-   HIGH WAGES FOR FAST-FOOD WORKERS CAN LEAD TO INCREASED PRODUCTIVITY, LESS EMPLOYEE TURNOVER, AND BIGGER PROFITS IN THE LONG RUN.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

There's a secret sauce to In-N-Out Burger's success. It pays employees really well.

The West Coast burger sensation pays store managers an average yearly salary of more than $160,000, which is about triple the industry average, according to the latest California Sun newsletter. There is no college degree or previous management experience required.

To put this into perspective, tech workers in Silicon Valley earn on average $114,654 for the year, according to a survey from hiring platform Dice.

"In-N-Out is just eons above everybody else," Saru Jayaraman, an advocate for restaurant workers in the Bay Area and director of the Food Labor Research Center at UC Berkeley, told California Sun's Mike McPhate. "On wages and benefits, they really are the best large chain."

Employees start at a higher-than-average salary of at least $13 an hour and have the opportunity to advance to six figures as a store manager. A typical architect in California makes about $112,000 a year, while a lawyer rakes in $117,000, according to jobs site Indeed.

[]

Employees at In-N-Out Burger say they're more satisfied than others at tech giants like Google and Microsoft.
 Melia Robinson/Business Insider
The burger chain offers benefits including 401(k) plans, paid vacation, and dental and vision coverage for part- and full-time employees — a rarefied package in the fast-food industry. In a Glassdoor ranking of the best places to work in 2018, In-N-Out earned the No. 4 spot and beat out tech giants like Google and Microsoft. It was the only restaurant chain in the top 50.

Denny Warnick, vice president of operations at In-N-Out, told California Sun that paying employees well has always been part of the company culture.

 In 1948, Harry and Esther Snyder opened the first In-N-Out in a Los Angeles suburb with quality service as a central focus. "Paying their associates well was just one way to help maintain that focus, and those beliefs remain firmly in place with us today," Warnick told California Sun.

It's not an act of charity, according to Jayaraman. Her research shows that paying employees well leads to better productivity, less employee turnover, and bigger profits.

In-N-Out is growing. The burger chain recently announced it's opening a distribution center in Colorado, which could allow it to expand beyond the West Coast. All stores must be located close to these hubs because of the company's strict policy of serving food fresh, not frozen.

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More: BI Innovation In-N-Out Burger Fast Food Industry Salaries
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question: What is remarkable about the pay packages of In-N-out burgers?

answer: The pay packages are paid really well, which is one reason for the fast-food restaurants success.

critique: The key detail is the high wages of In-N-out Burger's employees.

critique: The answer could be more specific about the pay packages.

critique: The answer omits the pay package details.

critique: The answer should mention that the pay is higher than the industry average.

critique: The answer copies a sentence from the text with minor changes.

critique: It's omitted that the pay is triple the industry average.

critique: The answer should mention the high wages.

critique: It is omitted that the pay of employees is high relative to the pay of the industry.

critique: Excellent answer, however it is omitted that the pay is also more than Silicon Valley's tech workers

critique: It is omitted that the pay packages are above the average.

critique: It's omitted how the pay is really paid well.

critique: To be a reason at all, the pay's importance should be established.

question: Why does in-N-out burger pay such high wages?

answer: Because in-N-out burger conducts research and establishes that paying their employees well results in better productivity, less employee turnover, and bigger profits.

critique: The answer is not a well-structured sentence. It should be a complete sentence.

critique: The answer should mention that the research was done by Saru Jayaraman.

critique: The answer is too vague and doesn't answer the question. It should be rewritten.

critique: "conducts research" - replace with "believes"

critique: Attributes everything about paying employees well to increased productivity and the likes, which must be due to technical reasons, not just an intuition (as if the company culture lives on some sort of "philosophy"). Try to find something more specific and associated

critique: This answer is incorrect. It is not stated in the text why In-N-Out pays such high wages.

critique: This is not the main reason they pay employees well

critique: Does not mention that in-out burger's high wage model is due to founder Ed who felt his employees were worthy of such.

critique: The answer is not stated in the article.

critique: The answer should be a complete sentence.

critique: This is not the reason in-n-out pays such high wages. The pay is not an act of charity but because the high wages are the result of the high productivity, less employee turnover, and bigger profits.

critique: The answer should include that the research is done by Saru Jayaraman.

critique: The answer should mention that the research is from Jayaraman

question: How do profits at In-N-Out Burger compare with other similar fast food outfits?

answer: With different business structures, it becomes really difficult to make comparisons. However, In-N-Out Burger is at the top of the charts as a result of its higher wages and other benefits to attract talent and create customer loyalty.

critique: The answer is mostly opinion, with a few facts thrown in.

critique: The answer is not related to the question.

critique: The answer is irrelevant to the question.

critique: The last sentence is unnecessary and incorrect. Perhaps that information could be rephrased.

critique: The response's answer doesn't answer the question, but rather talks about In-N-Out's business structure.

critique: It is not stated that it is difficult to make comparisons.

critique: The response does not address the question.

critique: The answer is not relevant to the question.

critique: The answer provided is not relevant. It should be omitted.

critique: This answer is not related to the question.

text: The article doesn't necessarily state that In-N-Out Burger makes more than its competitors.

category: accuracy

refinement: With different business structures, it becomes really difficult to make comparisons. However, In-N-Out Burger is at the top of the charts as a result of its higher wages and other benefits to attract talent and create customer loyalty.


text:
The flickering lights highlight the ship’s icy hallway only once every few seconds. It’s probably better that way, considering that when it can be seen it’s quite a mess. Scattered with shell casings, strewn papers and stray sparks from exposed wires. Not to mention the occasional body or body part that lay in the way as Chad slowly steps through, careful not to trip over the many obstacles. He waits patiently for the lights to flicker again, so he can move freely with no worry of what’s in his way, and searching for another living soul. He tries to call out, but the cold has rendered his throat quite useless when it comes to shouting. Still he must make the attempt. “Hello!” He tries to scream. It sounded as if the word itself tore open his insides as he spewed it out. Chad places his hand on his throat and continues, content with a quiet search.

As he makes his way through more dead end areas of the ship, Chad begins to lose hope of finding any more lost survivors, until he hears a faint moaning coming from the Captain’s quarters. He stops and listens for a moment. The moans come again. Chad walks towards the open room and puts his back against the wall, creeping his head around the corner. Inside, lying on the bed in the left corner is Captain Roberts, half naked and freezing, blood trickling down his ears and mouth. His skin seems more like a thin pale sheet that’s stretched tightly over his bones, and his hair on his head is patchy, as if he’s been pulling it out. Chad brings himself back around and tilts his head back, rolling his eyes. He sighs and marches into the Captain’s room. “Sir.” He says as he walks up to him. The Captain’s hand is bleeding and balled up in a fist.

“Whosat?” Captain Roberts whispers, eyes rolling around in every direction.

“Lieutenant Chad Harper, sir.” The Captain blinks, almost in awe, and then chuckles to himself.

“Come here, Lieutenant.” Chad kneels down beside the Captain, whose fist reaches out for his hand. Chad cups the Captain’s fist as he releases the item he was clinging so hard to. Chad looks into his now bloody hand to see two brown-stained silver bars. “I’m giving you command, Lieutenant.” Now it’s Chad’s turn to chuckle, but he can’t stop there. Soon his scoffs become laughs, and then what seems to be a mix of crying and bellowing that echo through the empty corridors of the stone cold prison they’re trapped in.

“Command?” Chad replies, wiping tears from his eyes, “Command of what? There’s nobody here! It’s just us!”

“Jesus, kid.” Captain Roberts says, “Is that all you do is complain? Ever since we lost you’ve treated it like the Goddamn Crucifixion.” He turns his head and coughs a fair amount of blood onto the walls. Chad bows his head and traces the sign of the Cross on his body.

“May Christ have mercy on your soul for making such a joke.” He says, raising his head. The Captain looks at him and tries to sit up. Chad puts his hands on the Captain’s shoulders and gently presses him back down. “You need to rest, sir.” The Captain’s attempt took much more out of him than expected. He begins to breathe heavy, as if he’d just run a marathon. Chad picks up a chair that’s been lying on the floor and sits down next to the Captain.

“I know you’ve suffered, lad.” Captain Roberts says, “We all have. But that’s no excuse to just abandon all this.” His hands wave around the room flimsily. Chad looks around and sighs.

“All what, sir? We don’t have anything. Everyone is either dead or captured. We’re on the losing side of a war and I don’t even know what it is we’re fighting for!” Chad’s voice breaks away again as he begins to shout. “I didn’t even want to be in this! I was dragged! I left a wife and a daughter behind, risking my life for reasons I’m still not sure of.” The Captain remains silent. His eyelids are halfway shut. “Sir.” Chad begins, “I’m sorry, but I have to go. There’s just too much blood here. I’ve had enough of this senseless massacre.” He stands up and turns to walk out the door. The Captain sputters.

“You think you’ll find a decent place to stand in this massacre?” Chad stops, and turns back towards the Captain. “Well there isn’t one. Everybody’s involved, like it or not.

“Well then what do you suggest I do, sir?”

“Stand with me. Keep up the good fight. We’re on the losing side against heaven, kid. They’ve got the power, but we’ve got the people. We may have sticks and stones compared to their rockets and lasers, but we’ve got a lotta sticks and stones.” The Captain’s eyelids flutter as he coughs more blood onto his pillow.

“You’re standing days are done, sir.” Chad says, “I mean no disrespect in that. You’re dying, and I’m all that’s left. This is my chance to leave, and to find a place where I can be at peace. Maybe start a new family. Have a life in exchange for the one that was taken from me. Everyone will just assume the whole ship’s been taken.” Chad bows his head. “I hope you understand. I was never meant to do this.” Chad looks up at the Captain. His eyes are closed and there are no white clouds that escape his mouth, which hangs open like an old fool who has fallen asleep drunk in his recliner.

Chad leaves the Captain’s quarters and marches up the hallway and to a steel door that’s sealed shut. To the side rests a digital keypad. Chad inputs a code, and the doors swiftly slide open. “Welcome, Lieutenant Harper.” A deep male voice echoes as Chad steps through into the flight deck. Outside the window lies an endless black ocean filled with little sparkling stars, along with several other ships that have been destroyed. Their debris float slowly across Chad’s view. He walks up to the center of the flight deck, where a digital map is displayed on the table. He looks down to see that a rendezvous point has been highlighted two Astronomical Units away, on a dead planet orbiting a Red Dwarf. Four Astronomical Units away lies another, more appealing place to park; a fairly new planet that was recently discovered and inhabited 200 years prior, called Geisa. Chad closes the map and takes a seat in the Captain’s chair. “How much fuel do we have, Mark?”

“Enough, Lieutenant Harper.” Mark replies.

“That’s not an answer. How many AUs can we travel given the damage?”

“Roughly five, Lieutenant. Where would you have me direct us?” Chad sits in his chair, one hand wrapped around his face and sweating, despite the freezing temperature. In his other hand lays the Captain’s silver bars. He stares at them, a look of anger quickly growing on his face.

“You son of a bitch.” Chad whispers as he pins the medal to his uniform.

“What was that, Lieutenant?”

“It’s Captain, Mark. And take us to the damn rendezvous point.”

title: The Captain

question: Explain in 3-5 sentences why it might have been important for Captain Roberts to give Chad a "command" even though there was nobody there.

answer: The captain probably sensed that Chad would be too much of a free-agent if he didn't give him some kind of "command" even though there was nobody there to be commanded. It was a way to transfer the responsibility and duty to Chad. It was also a way to make sure that Chad, who was just about to walk out, would stay.

critique: The answer should include some of the ideas expressed by the Captain.

critique: The answer is inaccurate. The captain was dying and was giving Chad his bars.

critique: The answer fails to answer the question.

critique: It is omitted that the Captain was probably trying to make Chad feel like his life mattered.

question: Summarize the setting of this passage.

answer: The setting of this passage is a ship that is frozen and has a mess of shell casings, papers, and wires. The ship is also filled with bodies and body parts. The ship is also cold and it is implied that the crew is in a war.

critique: "The setting of this passage is a ship that is frozen and has a mess of shell casings, papers, and wires." - rewrite to replace vague nouns and explain why the setting is implied to be in a war.

critique: The answer should mention the time period.

critique: The passage doesn't say that the ship is frozen.

critique: The answer should mention the Captain's quarters.

critique: The answer could mention the captain's quarters.

critique: The answer should mention the captain's quarters.

question: Summarize the objectives Chad describes to the Captain in contrast with what he seems to be going for in his exchange with Mark.

answer: Chad wants to abandon the ship and find a place where he can be at peace. He wants to find a new family and have a life in exchange for the one that was taken from him. He wants to start over. He wants to be at peace. He also wants to find a place to park the ship so that it is not found by the enemy.

critique: The last line is not relevant to the question.

critique: The answer should mention that Chad wants to leave the war.

critique: The response includes extraneous information not useful for the task.

critique:
Went over the character limit and has a lot of repetitive information.
More details need to be omitted.

critique: The response is repetitive and should be reduced to one instance of the same point.


text:
“JANUARY 1ST” (stylised as JANUARY 1ST) is a song by Japanese rock band Coldrain. It is the third single and sixth track on their sixth studio album _The Side Effects_, produced by Michael Baskette, written by Masato Hayakawa and was released on 8 August 2019.[1][2][3][4]

“January 1st” is the first ever soft song by the band to ever be released as a single.

Background

“January 1st” was released on 8 August 2019 as the band's third single and the sixth track off their sixth studio album _The Side Effects_, following the release of the second single “Coexist” which was released just the month prior. It was the last single to be released prior to the album's release.

On 7 August, several teases were made on Coldrain's social media accounts with a photo of lead singer, Masato Hayakawa, surrounded by darkness, as well as a translucent image of him in the same photo which is contrasted by a flame and water. This tease would be followed up by an announcement made of the official music video, which would be slated for release on the following day.[5]

Composition

“January 1st” is an alternative rock song. The track runs at 150 BPM and is in the key of A major. It runs for four minutes and 40 seconds.[6] The song was written by Masato Hayakawa and Ryo Yokochi, it was produced by Michael Baskette.

Meaning and lyrics

“January 1st” is written about Hayakawa's dog, who passed away on January 1, 2019. Struggling to cope with his loss, who felt like family to him. He wrote the song to cope about how he could not let go for someone he loved dearly and had many memories of. As a result of this, the chorus would be a direct reference to how Hayakawa felt about it.[7]

Hayakawa would directly request “January 1st” to be a single and a music video released by the band. This would prove to be ambitious, as it would be the first slow song by the band to ever be released as a single.[8]

Track listing

Music video

The music video for “January 1st” was released alongside the single on 8 August 2019, and was directed by Koh Yamada.[9]

The video starts out with frontman, Masato Hayakawa, walking up from the ocean on the beach during the night to join his bandmates to perform the song. Flames from campfires surround the band as they perform. These scenes are intertwined with Hayakawa singing the song during the day on an escalator, under a bridge, and in the sea on the same beach while also scaling up stairs in a well which symbolises moving on.

As of October 2020, the song has 710K views on YouTube.

Personnel

Credits adapted from Tidal.[10]

COLDRAIN

-   Masato Hayakawa – lead vocals, lyrics
-   Ryo Yokochi – lead guitar, programming, composition
-   Kazuya Sugiyama – rhythm guitar
-   Ryo Shimizu – bass guitar
-   Katsuma Minatani – drums

ADDITIONAL PERSONNEL

-   Michael Baskette – producer, mixing, arrangements
-   Ted Jensen – mastering
-   Jeff Moll – recording engineer
-   Joshua Saldate – assistant engineer

Charts

+-----------------------------------+-----------------------------------+
| Charts (2019)                     | Peak                              |
|                                   | position                          |
+===================================+===================================+
| Japanese Daily Hot 100[11]        | 57                                |
+-----------------------------------+-----------------------------------+
| Japanese Weekly                   | 74                                |
+-----------------------------------+-----------------------------------+

[1]

[2]

[3]

[4]

[5]

[6]

[7]

[8]

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[11]

title: January 1st (Coldrain song)

question: What does the text say about recording an album in Tokyo?

answer: No answer

critique: The text does not say anything about recording an album in Tokyo.

question: What does the text say about Coldrain?

answer: Coldrain is a Japanese rock band.

critique: The song also provides some details about their production and the band's personnel. These details shold be included in the answer.

critique: It is omitted that they are a rock band.

critique: The answer should mention the band's name.

question: What does the text say about Coldrain's album, The Side Effects?

answer: Coldrain's sixth studio album, The Side Effects, contains their sixth single, January 1st. The album was released on August 8, 2019, and was produced by Michael Baskette.

critique: It's omitted that the album contains six songs.

critique: The answer omits the other songs on the album.

critique: The album was released on August 8, 2019, and was produced by Michael Baskette.

critique: It's omitted that the album has six tracks.

critique: The album was released on 8 August 2019, not 8 August.

critique: The album was not released on August 8, 2019; it was released on 8 August 2019.

question: Summarize the most interesting facts about Coldrain's single, "January 1st"?

answer: January 1st is a song by Japanese rock band, Coldrain. It is the third single and sixth track on their sixth studio album, The Side Effects. It is the first soft song by the band to be released as a single. The song is about lead singer, Masato Hayakawa's dog, who passed away on January 1, 2019. He wrote the song to cope about how he could not let go for someone he loved dearly and had many memories of.

critique: It is omitted that the song was released in 2019.

critique: It's omitted that the song was released on August 8, 2019.

critique: The answer is a summary of the article, but it does not answer the question.

critique: The answer should mention the release date of the song.

critique: The answer should mention the music video.

critique: The final sentence is mistakenly added thrice in the final sentence. Also, it talks about how Hayakawa felt with the song and not really the meaning of the song.


text:
A short story by Corbin Willmorth

I am writing this down now.

 I know this might sound bad out of context, but I think I have found a new look on how I view life. I mean that I am happy. Like, truly happy. It is all because of this tea that I drank. It is made up Chacruna Leaves and Syrian Rue.

Anyway, I drank this tea, which honestly tasted like shit and made me wanna throw up for the first 30 minutes, and after about 45 or so minutes I started to laugh. I started laughing about fucking everything! I laughed about how huge my pupils were, I laughed at how small my hand looked, I laughed at the movie I was watching (it was the onion movie for those who were wondering), and I laughed at myself. I realized in that moment that I was happy. I was completely shocked at how happy I was. I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I was smiling. SMILING! This was the first time in literally a whole year that I had seen myself genuinely smile.

I’m gonna get real here for a moment. I’ve had an incredibly shitty year. Literally since day one of 2018. On January 1st, I lost a very dear loved one. My grandma, to get into the spacifics. I lost my mother at a very young age, and most my contact with her family, and my grandmother became my new mother figure. I was always honest, sharing my feelings with her and telling her everything. There are so many things I wish I should have told her. When she died I went into this very deep depression. I pushed away my friends and I just stayed in bed and cried. I just wanted to die and make my feelings go away. It was fucking miserable. I can’t even describe it completely. It was the suckiest of suck I have felt in my life.

And then, I moved. I moved 200 miles away from my hometown of Snoqualmie, Washington, a town just 40 miles west of Seattle, to Chewelah, Washington, a small town 80 miles north of Spokane. I moved away from all my friends and family, and it made me even sadder. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any suckier, it did.

However, drinking that tea made me realize how much I worried too much. I worried too much about what other people thought of me. I worried too much about what was in my future. I just fucking hated that I worried about pointless shit. Sure, my life was shitty, but I’ve come to realize that it’s all okay. It’s okay that I felt awful, I understand how hard my life was up until this point.

It’s December 1st, fifteen days away from my 18th birthday. I think that it is finally time that I moved forward. I need to stop worrying about the past and about the future. I just need to focus on what is happening now. Stop thinking. Just do. Do it. Do what makes you happy. If you love music, start a band, fuck it! If you like writing, write! My point is, just take life at your own pace. Stop stressing over what ever it is that has you so worried. Take time out of your day to think about yourself.

Sure, you might want to call me names because I found happiness in drugs, but the point of my, you could call it an essay, was to make a point about that. Yes, DMT made me super fucking happy for like six hours. What I want to do from now on is find things in the real world that makes me happy. I need to stop relying on drugs. I might not quit drugs completely, seeing as how I wanna be a legal marijuana grower (because in the state of Washington you can make over $100k a year by growing weed for a cannabis company). I’ve done drugs, I’ve been there, I’ve seen things. Of all the things I’ve seen, I now know that one thing is clear. I’m happy. I’m happy because I stopped worrying.

If you managed to read this whole thing, I would like to thank you. Yes, I am speaking directly to you, the person reading this. Thank you for taking time out of your day. Thank you for listening to what I had to say. I know you must be busy. You have a life, I get it. But you actually took five minutes out of your busy life to listen to some 18 year old hippy talk about his shitty life. Thank you for caring. It’s nice that people care about things. Anyway, it’s 1:29AM right now, I should get some sleep.

title: [NF] The Key to Happiness

question: What does the article say about drugs?

answer: The narrator drinks a tea made of Chacruna Leaves and Syrian Rue. He says the tea tastes like shit and makes him want to vomit for the first 30 minutes. After 45 minutes he starts to laugh. He realizes he is happy. He thinks the tea made him realize how much he worried too much. He realizes he needs to stop relying on drugs.

critique: The narrator does not think the tea made him realize how much he worried too much.

text: The answer could mention the narrator's plan to make a living growing marijuana.

category: coverage

question: What does the article say about LSD?

answer: No answer

critique: The answer should state that the article does not mention LSD.


text:
'Tomorrow will just have to be what today wasn't'. That was my mother’s mantra. She said it after every hard shift, every failed test, every break up, and every argument. She whispered it into my ears as she wiped tears off my cheeks. I used to tell myself the same thing when things went awry. I had always put faith into words, especially those words. Words defined my life.
It was 4:15 in the morning on the sixteenth of July. There was nothing special about the time or the date, but my brain woke me up regardless. I remember how cold it was in my room. I reached out of bed, tapped the small touch lamp on the bedside table, grabbed the robe that hung off the post of my bed and buried myself inside of it. Sliding my feet into my slippers, I crossed the room to turn on my space heater.

Had I lived anywhere else, the heater probably would’ve been stored away with holiday decorations and winter jackets, but I didn’t live anywhere else. I lived in a studio apartment with very little space. I didn’t own any holiday decorations and all of my winter clothes were hung up and stuffed into my little closet behind all of my summer clothes. I crossed the room and turned the knob on my fourteen dollar space heater to the single notch that signified power level one. The lamp lost a little bit of light. I shuffled toward my bed, kicked off the slippers and did a belly flop onto the mattress. The room filled with the quiet hum of the heater converting the temperature of the air and I squirmed under the comforter. Laying in my bed, wrapped in a robe and snuggled under a blanket, I knew I wasn’t getting back to sleep that night. I had only slept for about three hours and already my brain had kicked me into consciousness and given me the finger. I laid there for a few minutes and decided, ’Fuck it. If I’m going to be awake, I’m going to work’. I grabbed the laptop from the other side of the end table, nearly knocking the lamp off as I did. I pushed the lamp back into place, increasing its brightness ever so slightly. I flipped the laptop open and was greeted by a page full of text.

Words had always comforted me. Growing up, my mother always knew exactly what to say to make things better. She had so many pearls of wisdom to hand out and I had always eagerly accepted them. It had just been her and I growing up. After I was born, the doctor told her she wouldn’t have any more children. Her husband, who I refused to acknowledge as being my father (why should I, I never even saw his face), couldn’t stand to be with a woman who couldn’t provide him with a son so he left her with her daughter without a trace. Kids at school were always kind enough to point out how weird it was that Lindsay didn’t have a dad and when I would report their observations to my mother, she would always get down on her knees, put her hands on my shoulders and ask me, “Are those children smarter than you?” to which I always replied, “No”. Her follow up would be something similar to “Are the girls prettier than you?” This question had bothered me because I looked nothing like my mother (which, naturally, meant that I looked like her ex-husband). But, in the end, the answer was usually “No”. She would ask if they were stronger or braver than me and, as the queen of dares and arm wrestling, I always responded in the negative. She would wrap all of these questions up with one final one, the only one that really mattered.

“So then, Lindsay, are the kids with fathers better than you?”

And I always knew they weren’t. There were some kids in town that were, but they all went to a private school and I never had to see them anyway. I went to the only public school in my town. Everyone knew everyone else and we were all poor. No one had a guest bedroom and most of the houses had only one bathroom. My mom worked as a nurse during the day at the local nursing home and bartended during the night. She was always home when I woke up, when school let out, and when I went to sleep. As soon as I was old enough, I got a job helping out at the library after school. I got lost in books and excelled in English and ended up writing my way out of that little town and into Chicago. I took my mother with me, but she didn’t make it very long in a big city. She was exceedingly proud of my success but I always told her that she was the one who had given it to me.

I opened the laptop to find a page mostly filled with words. They were small money words. I hadn’t produced big money words since my mother died. I watched the cursor blink, waiting to be jettisoned across the screen by a slew of creativity or inspiration but it just stood there and blinked at me. I was in the middle of reading the paragraph preceding the boring cursor when I heard a rattling outside of my bedroom. My brain shut down and I stared at my bedroom door, waiting to see if it would bust inward. Someone was in my apartment. I knew that because the closest I came to a pet was the plastic tree by the front door and the dead fern by the window. I remember thinking ’Who the fuck would break in to my shitty apartment?’ but that didn’t matter. What mattered was that somebody had. My lamp was on and my laptop was illuminating my room, so whoever it was probably knew that I was awake. Did they know that I knew they were there?

title: [MS] Actually looking for feedback on my firsts few paragraphs

question: Who is the narrator's most important familiar relation?

answer: Her mother.

critique: The narrator's mother is the most important familiar relation, but the narrator's father is also mentioned.

critique: The narrator's father is also important.

critique: The narrator's mother is her most important familiar relation, but her father is also important.

critique: Besides her mother, she also leans on books in her life. Remove 'besides' at the start of the sentence.

critique: "Her mother." - is incorrect. The narrator's mother is her most important familiar relation, but her father is also important.

critique: The narrator's mother is the most important familiar relation, but the narrator also has a father.

question: What does the motif of words mean in the story?

answer: The protagonist's mother tells her, "It will be OK. Tomorrow will just have to be what today wasn't." She uses this set of words of words to try to console her daughter. The words reflect on the fragility of the narrator, who needs to be comforted through words when there's nothing else that makes her feel safe. The theme of words also resonates with how the narrator needs to fill the voids created in life with words in order to keep sane.

critique: The narrator's mother tells her this mantra to console her daughter. It's not the narrator who needs to be comforted through words.

critique: The narrator is a grown woman, not a child.

critique: "How they explain her father's absence to be" is unnecessary.

critique: The narrator's mother doesn't use the words to console her daughter. She uses them to console herself.

text: The quote is inaccurate, remove "it will be ok". Mention how the narrator is trying to use words to make a living but is struggling to do so.

question: What is the central conflict in the story?

answer: The narrator is startled out of sleep by a rattling outside of her bedroom.

critique: The answer should mention that the narrator thinks someone is in her apartment.

critique: The answer isn't said in plain text and describes the scenario instead of the central conflict.

critique: The narrator is not startled out of sleep.

critique: It is omitted that the narrator believes that someone has broken into her apartment.

critique: The narrator's conflict is that she can't write.

text: Since the central conflict is not isolated to a single instance in the narrative, it is important to cover the general context of the narrative in order to convey what the conflict is.

question: What happened to the narrator's mother?

answer: She died.

critique: It is omitted that the narrator's mother died of cancer.

critique: The narrator does not explicitly say that her mother died.

critique: The answer is too vague. It should be more specific.

critique: There is no "she died" line in the passage.


text:
..\
	For the third time that week, Will woke up to screaming kids. Swearing, he looked over for his wife of fifteen years but noticed she was missing, in fact he had not seen her since last night. He put the thought behind him as he swung his legs over the bed and scratched his morning stubble. He got up after a few minutes and half stumbled half walked over to the bathroom. As he grabbed for his razor, he heard a sharp snapping sound and swore once more, then lumbered down stairs.

.
         He hit the bottom step just as the door opened and his wife, who he was not entirely pleased to see entered, "Look who decided to show up." He mumbled, and staring at his feet he shuffled towards the broken lamp and his two youngest children. She retorted back but he pretended not to hear it, he started back up the stairs with his kids.

..
         "YOU KNOW GOOD AND WELL YOU HEARD ME AND YO---", she stopped as a chair broke against the wall, sending splinters in every direction. Will just glared at her and thought about what a wreck she had become, in her hayday she was quite the looker but fifteen years of marriage had taken its toll. Will was always mild tempered, he cursed but ofcourse everyone around here did, and he was never violent, but the last year of her walking in at daybreak and dealing with a four and six year old had changed him, he was still level headed though, so he walked up the stairs, grabbed some clothes, his wallet, his phone, and his keys, then left to a dumbstruck wife, and two crying children.

.
.
          Will reached for his phone to dail up his old friend Terrance, he was a charter captian and Will could think of no better escape then some open sea. He decided to call in sick to work first, to groans from his boss. After 3 rings Terrance picked up and agreed to take him out, he drove out the five miles it took to get to the old wooden dock. He walked along the side, avoiding the numerous cracks, and got to Terrance's boat. They silently greeted and started prepping, and soon enough they were off.

.
         After an hour of relaxing silence Will heard a shout that made him go from sleeping to wide awake in no time, he ran to the captains quaters and saw Terrance slumped over in his seat, he checked his pulse and felt nothing. Will killed the engine and just sat there, staring as the sun lightened the sea, while his friend was slumped confortably in death beside him. Eventually Will slumped against the wall, wiped the sweat from his forehead, and fell asleep.

.
         Will jolted awake, feeling he just awoke from the worst nightmare ever, he reached over and put his hand on his wife, except she was cold, so cold. Will jumped up and stared at Terrance with horrorfying realization. He walked back up to the deck and looked at the night sky, it hit him that his kids and wife would be worrying about him. He snorted. Might be worrying about him was more like it. Still, he did miss them, which was surprising. He sat on the side of the boat and started dozing off.

.
         He was sitting on a chair in his living room with his family, but his wife was younger, he looked around doubtfully for his two kids, and only found them when he looked under the table. They were joyfully pushing his chair back, laughing and smiling. Will started laughing too, it was contagious and soon his wife joined it. "I love you guys." As his chair tipped too far and he fell backwards through his floor and into the dark.

Edit**** the '.'s are to help formatting

title: Story I wrote for Creative Writing class, CC appreciated.

question: Summarize everything relating to violence.

answer: When Will's wife walks in on the third time that week, she screams at him but gets interrupted when Will breaks a chair against the wall. He starts to walk to his kids and she continues her sentence, but the sentence is cut off by the sound of breaking glass. However, Will is never violent; he's just always had a level head.

critique: The response inaccurately mentions that Will breaks a chair against the wall, however it was a lamp.

critique: The answer omits the ending of the story.

critique: "She screams at him but gets interrupted when Will breaks a chair against the wall. He starts to walk to his kids and she continues her sentence, but the sentence is cut off by the sound of breaking glass" is irrelevant to the question.

critique: The answer omits Will's reaction to Terrance's death.

critique: The response contains inaccurate information.

text: The event happening for the third time that week is Will waking up to screaming kids, not his wife walking in on him.

question: Summarize the type of relationship Will has with his wife.

answer: Will has a mild temperament and is a level-headed person. The story shows that his wife's actions over the years have left something to be desired. Will is no longer as quick as he was to react as it used to be. He is bothered by her behaviors and her not being home after last night and not bothering to call her. Will is bothered that he had put a lot of effort into the marriage and now he sees the return contribution isn't up to par.

critique: The response includes extraneous information not useful for the task.

critique: The response is not related to the question.

critique: It's not clear if Will's level-headedness is a positive or negative thing.

critique: The summary is inaccurate in several ways, the "something to be desired" does not fit the context of the text. Will doesn't seen bothered that his wife isn't around during the day as he wakes up.

critique: The response contains inaccurate information.

critique: It is not stated that Will is bothered that he had put a lot of effort into the marriage and now he sees the return contribution isn't up to par.

question: What does the story say about what it takes to be a good captain?

answer: No answer

critique: The answer should mention that being a good captain takes experience and being responsible.

question: What does the story say about the relationship Will has with his kids?

answer: Will's roles as a father and husband have changed over time as he works long and exhausting hours. The kids especially suffer - they bear the brunt of their mother's bad behaviour and they do not see Will as much as they would like. For most of the story, Will thinks about missing his family, but after his close friend, Terrance, suffers a heart attack, Will stops caring about finding his kids and his wife, preferring to doze off on the boat.

critique: The response inaccurately mentions that Will suffers a heart attack.

critique: The response is incorrect and speculative. There is no evidence that Will's roles as a father and husband have changed over time as he works long and exhausting hours. The kids especially suffer - they bear the brunt of their mother's bad behavior and they do not see Will as much as they would like. For most of the story, Will thinks about missing his family, but after his close friend, Terrance, suffers a heart attack, Will stops caring about finding his kids and his wife, preferring to doze off on the boat.

critique: The kids are not mentioned after the first paragraph.

critique: The response contains inaccurate information.

critique: It is unclear that they suffer the brunt of their mother's bad behavior.

critique: The answer should mention that Will's kids are young.

critique: The answer should mention the ending in which Will is reunited with his family.

critique: The kids are not suffering because of their mother's bad behavior.

text: The story only briefly mentions the kids. There's no progression over time shown. The answer makes up a lot of details.


title: The Captain

question: Summarize the surprise in the plot.

answer: Chad is surprised to find the Captain alive. The Captain is surprised when Chad announces his intention to leave. The Captain is surprised when Chad announces his intention to take command.

critique: The answer is confusing and nonsensical.

critique: The answer should mention Chad's surprise at the Captain's request.

critique: The answer does not mention that Chad is appointed captain.

critique: The response contains inaccurate information.

text: The inaccurate information is the last sentence, which should be replaced by Chad's surprise that the Captain puts him in charge.

question: Summarize the primary source of tension in the story.

answer: The primary source of tension in the story is the battle between the Captain and Chad. Chad does not want to be a soldier, but the Captain assures him that he is needed. The Captain also tells Chad that everyone is involved in this fight, and that Chad can either be on his side or be the enemy.

critique: 'The Captain also tells Chad that everyone is involved in this fight, and that Chad can either be on his side or be the enemy.' is not in the correct order.

critique: The answer is confusing and nonsensical.

critique: The response misses to mention that Chad is leaving the Captain to die alone.

critique: The response inaccurately mentions that Chad does not want to be a soldier, however Chad is a soldier.

critique: The answer omits the fact that Chad is the only survivor.

critique: The answer is inaccurate. Chad does not want to be a soldier and there is no battle between him and the Captain.

critique: The answer is inaccurate. Chad is not the Captain's enemy.

text: The answer fails to clearly say that the primary point of tension is really the internal struggle that Chad faces about what to do in light of the war and loss he's faced with.

question: Summarize how the main character's situation changes over the story.

answer: Chad is a lieutenant on a ship that is in a war. He is searching for survivors when he finds the captain. The captain gives him command of the ship. Chad is angry that the captain is dying and that he is the only one left. He leaves the captain's quarters and takes command of the ship.

critique: The answer should mention Chad's decision to escape.

critique: The answer should mention that Chad is the only one left on the ship.

critique: The answer omits Chad's decision to leave the ship.

critique: "Chad is a lieutenant on a ship that is in a war." - The narrator, Chad Harper, is not a lieutenant on a ship in the middle of a war. He is currently the only surviving member on a damaged ship (presumed lost) through a disaster (presumed alien attack.

critique: The answer should mention that Chad is the only survivor.

critique: It is incorrect that Chad is angry that the captain is dying and that he is the only one left.

question: What does the story say about the details of the war?

answer: No answer

critique: The response misses to provide an answer to the task.

critique: The response misses to mention that the story does not mention any details of the war.

critique: The answer should be that the story does not mention the details of the war.

text: Some details the story mentions about the war include: The war is referred to as a massacre. It has caused almost total devastation of life on the ship and from the debris floating in the sky, it's destroyed other ships/crews as well. Chad's side has inferior weaponry to their enemies.


text:
[Columnist image]

It is becoming increasingly more difficult to imagine a scenario that sees Los Angeles Kings defenceman Slava Voynov back in the NHL – ever. According to _Los Angeles Times_ reporter Nathan Fenno, who was in the courtroom today for Voynov’s preliminary hearing, it was alleged that the defenceman choked, kicked and punched his wife. Effectively, the allegation is that he laid a beating on her.

Back on October 20, Voynov was suspended indefinitely with pay following his arrest on suspicion of domestic violence. At that time, the Police Department of the City of Redondo Beach issued this press release indicating that a female could be heard “screaming” and “crying” and that, later that night, Voynov accompanied the alleged victim to the hospital where he was arrested on suspicion that he inflicted the harm.

DISTURBING EVIDENCE OF A BEATING

Here are some of the more disturbing allegations raised in Court today as reproduced from Fenno’s Twitter timeline:

- Redondo Beach police officer: Voynov's wife had laceration over left eye, blood streaming, red marks on neck.

- Officer says Voynov's wife said he struck her in the face with his fist.

- Officer: Voynov pushed wife to ground multiple times, kicked her repeatedly while on ground, chocked her three times.

- Officer: Voynov pushed her into flat-screen TV where she cut her face.

- Officer: Voynov's wife required eight stitches to close wound above left eye.

- Officer: "There's bruising, red marks, scratches on the victim's neck."

- At Voynov's home, the officer noted blood all over bedroom, including covering comforter and a bloody handprint on floor.

- Lead prosecutor Frank Dunnick: "there's evidence to suggest prior domestic violence" involving Voynov.

Fenno added that while he could only “catch quick glimpses of photos of the injuries to Voynov's wife” and there was “lots of blood.”

VOIDING OF CONTRACT, PRISON & DEPORTATION FOR VOYNOV

Voynov is facing a number of legal issues. Firstly, he could be deported. In the United States, the crime of domestic violence can lead to serious immigration consequences for defendants who are not U.S. citizens. Under a federal U.S. law called the _Immigration and Nationality Act_, a non-citizen can be ordered deported if he is convicted of domestic violence.

Voynov is also facing jail time. He was charged under Section 273.5 of the _California Penal Code_ for willfully inflicting corporal injury resulting in a traumatic condition upon a person. The charge can either be a felony or the less serious misdemeanor. The type of charge depends on a number of factors, including the severity of the injuries sustained and whether the defendant has a history of violence.

In this case, Voynov was charged with a felony. As a result, he is facing up to four years in state jail with an additional five years if he inflicted great bodily injury. If he had been charged with a misdemeanor, he would have been facing up to one year in county jail.

There is also a risk that Voynov’s contract could be voided (or terminated) by the NHL. The NHL CBA at Article 18-A.2 provides Commissioner Gary Bettman with very broad disciplinary powers when dealing with off-ice conduct that is “_DETRIMENTAL TO OR AGAINST THE WELFARE OF THE LEAGUE OR THE GAME OF HOCKEY_”. Among the punishments the Commissioner may impose is the termination of a player’s contract.

The voiding of Voynov’s contract would most certainly be challenged by Donald Fehr and the NHLPA. However, terminating Voynov’s contract would not be unreasonable if the evidence is deemed reliable. Ray Rice changed everything. Indeed, the dramatically altered landscape surrounding domestic violence may force the hand of the league. And the CBA gives Bettman the power to take action (although the NHLPA would argue there are limits to that power).

Only time will tell. For now, expect the NHL to do nothing and await the disposition of the criminal proceedings. Voynov will remain suspended indefinitely. Once the criminal proceedings wrap up, the NHL will make its decision. While things look exceedingly bleak for Voynov, they could get a lot worse should the photographs featuring his wife’s injuries leak to the public.

question: What are the downsides Voynov faces for beating his wife?

answer: Voynov could be deported, charged with a felony, face jail time up to four years, and face the voiding of his contract by the NHL.

critique: The answer should mention that the contract could be terminated.

critique: The response could be clearer in the mention of the contract.

critique: "face jail time" - replace "face" with "faces"

critique: The answer should mention the risk of the photos leaking.

critique: The answer could be more specific about what deportation means.

critique: It is also stated that there is evidence to suggest prior domestic violence.

critique: It is omitted that he could also face the voiding of his contract by the NHL.

question: What does the article say about vigilante justice?

answer: No answer

critique: The article does not mention vigilante justice.

critique: The answer should mention that the article does not mention anything about vigilante justice.