text:
[Google introduces VR180, a new video format]

Google discovered that most users of VR tend to only explore the area right in front of them, meaning 180 degrees VR is enough. They are now developing VR180 tools, so you can “Capture the world as you see it”.

The recent news represents a surprising move for a company that has invested heavily in 360 and VR for the past two years, to now assume that VR180  is what many creators and viewers want. According to a post by Frank Rodriguez, Product Manager VR at Google “…we’ve heard from creators and viewers who want to make and see even more immersive videos on YouTube. So, we’ve been working with Google’s Daydream team on a brand new video format, called VR180, that we believe will make VR content even easier to create.”

https://youtu.be/rttK4mK_kuc

VR180 does not work if you simply cut your 360VR headset in half and look through it. It’s a completely new solution, designed to offer something that is hard to achieve with 360VR: videos that look, according to Google, “great on desktop and on mobile”. The VR180 videos focus on what’s in front of you, in high resolution, and transition from the flat monitors to a VR experience when viewed with the different VR solutions available – Cardboard, Daydream, and PSVR – which allow users to view the images stereoscopically in 3-D, where near things look near, and far things appear far. According to the information available, VR180 also supports livestreaming videos so creators and fans can be together in real time.

[Google introduces VR180, a new video format]

360VR will continue to be available, but if VR180 succeeds, it may well become a niche product. In fact, despite all the hype, 360 VR does not seem to be expanding as predicted. Even in one area, gaming where it was supposed to gain momentum, expectation are not as high as before. Facebook’s  Oculus and HTC Vive were not present with a booth at E3 – Electronic Entertainment Expo, a premier event for the gaming industry, this year, and only Sony had its PlayStation VR on show. Sales of the headsets have been lower than expected, although no exact numbers are announced, a situation that the lack of really interesting content does not help to change.

A recent survey fromNielsen reveals that Samsung Gear is the most popular VR system among the general population, at 34 percent, because Samsung has heavily marketed it in tandem with its mobile devices—even offering the device free to consumers if they purchased a Samsung phone.  According to the study, “Google has been the leader in offering a low-cost option to the masses with Google Cardboard, which allows consumers to download games and content on their mobile devices, much of which are free. While Google Cardboard is an inexpensive entry point to VR, only 19% of the population is aware of the device.”

[Google introduces VR180, a new video format]

The creation of VR180 may be one of the steps through which Google will make more people aware of their VR products. Besides the original Cardboard viewer, Google also has the DayDream View headset, which costs $76.59 and is lightweight, designed to fit comfortably over most eyeglasses, with a removable facepad to wash whenever you like. The DayDream headset is used with smartphones, but Google is also introducing Daydream standalone VR headsets, with the promise that you can “enjoy high quality VR anywhere you want with no cables, phone or PC.”

[Google introduces VR180, a new video format]

Supporting the new format is the first step. Next, Google wants to offer the cameras with which to capture VR180, and they are working with companies as YI, Lenovo and LG to build cameras from the ground up that will be easy to set up and work with as any other camera, with the difference that they will deliver VR180. Those cameras will be available this Winter, in time for Christmas.

Google opened a VR180 certification program and one of their first partners is Z CAM, creators of professional VR cameras, the company behind products as the Z CAM E1 or Z CAM S1. Z CAM’s motto is easy: “VR is all about content. The rest is technology”.

https://youtu.be/xtjs5mUxpFk

The new VR180 cameras will be as easy to use as point-and-shoot cameras, cost around the same price, and are promised to be tools that are not only great for creators looking to easily make VR content, but also anyone who wants to capture life’s highlights in VR. Designed to offer livestream as an option, they will allow videos and livestreams to be easily uploaded to YouTube. According to Frank Rodriguez, “soon, you’ll be able to edit using familiar tools like Adobe Premiere Pro. From vlogs, to makeup tutorials to music videos – your videos will work great in VR.”

The new video format will work with current DayDream View headsets, which are the base for Google VR experiences. There are lots of Daydream-ready phones available, from different brands, including LG, Motorola, Asus or Samsung, meaning that for users nothing has to change, apparently. Everybody will be able to move from 360VR to VR180 using the same device, which may well be good news in a world where, many times, we are served formats and devices that go nowhere, when the hype is gone.

question: What does the text say about VR180?

answer: Google (at the time of this article) just released VR180, a new video format. VR180 consists of videos that focus on what's in front of you, in high resolution and are seen stereoscopically in 3-D. According to Frank Rodriguez, product manager VR at Google, users will be able to transition from a flat monitor to a virtual experience when the different VR solutions are used.

critique: The answer should mention the VR180 cameras.

critique: It's omitted that VR180 does not work if you simply cut your 360VR headset in half and look through it; it's a completely new solution of its own.

critique: The answer should mention that VR180 is a new video format that is 180 degrees.

question: What does the text say about Google Cardboard?

answer: Google offers a low-cost Google Cardboard option to the masses. According to a survey, only 19% of the population know what Google Cardboard is. Samsung has also been marketing the device alongside their mobile devices.

critique: The answer should mention that Google Cardboard is an inexpensive entry point to VR.

critique: The passage does not mention why people do not know Google Cardboard.

critique: The text doesn't say that Samsung marketed their devices alongside the Google Cardboard. It says they marketed their VR system alongside their mobile devices.

critique: The answer should mention that the device is inexpensive.

critique: The answer omits that the device allows consumers to download games and content on their mobile devices, much of which are free.

critique: The text does not say that Samsung has marketed the device alongside their mobile devices.


split: train

text:
(Part 1) By the mid-22nd century, time travel had become a mundane and everyday reality. When the phenomenon had first been introduced to the mass consciousness due to a theft of documents by a government employee, massive steps had been proposed to limit the possibly detrimental effects of what would likely become a hugely popular social pastime. An international committee, after much deliberation and the investment of a great deal of working hours and taxpayers money, eventually decided on three rules of time travel:

1) Do nothing to affect the social development of the people of the time
2) Do nothing to deliberately invoke a change to events in the future, particularly for perceived personal gain
3) Behave with no emotion as emotion breeds emotion in others and so can affect events

As soon as the committee announced these rules to an eagerly listening world, researchers at TEID (Time Effect Investigation Department, a team set up to monitor the behaviour of it’s citizens by researching past documents) began to find that the rules weren’t perhaps as effective as they had hoped. Time travelling citizens trying to behave without emotion were being viewed with high suspicion in Nazi Germany, the witch hunting eras of the late 17th century and the vampire fearing villages of mediaeval Slavic Europe. All of these unfortunate souls were being summarily tortured, executed, and were failing to return home from their trips.
They also found it impossible to not affect social development as travellers ended up in the bars and public houses of times throughout history, invariably became drunk and opinionated, and ended up either instigating or, in some exceptional cases, getting a little carried away and leading entire revolutionary movements.

Lastly, it was quickly realised that it was impossible to not have an affect on future events as a whole anyway as the person’s mere arrival and subsequent existence in the past occupied space and therefore had instigated a change by just moving the air particles, anything over and above that would cause a more obvious chain reaction (such as stopping traffic at a road crossing or feeding an animal) and so it was deemed impossible to enforce any of the laws they had worked so tirelessly to create.
At this point a press conference was set up to announce this failure, one journalist pointed out the impossibility of enforcing such laws due to the nature of time travel anyway and, after a lot of silence and shoe gazing, the scientists and international representatives decided to disband and research something that could be controlled instead, with no doubt at all, such as wormhole leaping.

Despite the best efforts of authorities to restrict the sale of time travel machines, a huge black market was predicted, then materialised, and then once one particuarly entrepreneurial individual, Jiff Beaner, had gone three hundred years into the future and bought not only all the books on the history of time travel so as to learn all the industrial lessons of his competitiors to come, but also returning in a much bigger time machine with (after a few trips) parts enough for a time machine manufacturing unit from the future as well, mass production kicked into play and the time machine was now in 63% of all households by the end of the first manufacturing year alone. Naturally, Jiff was soon outdone by another who carried out exactly the same plan as Jiff had and outdid him overnight. Not only did the competitor have all of Jiff’s ideas for the next three hundred years but he also had a manufacturing unit three hundred years newer. Then someone outdid that man, and so it went on ad taedium.

Time Travel became a standard leisure activity, people beamed from here to there, and the world continued (as far as they knew) the same as it always had.

Then, not long afterwards, a researcher at TEID came across something that would change the public’s perspective of time travel completely. It was a man called Gerald Keys, he had travelled to 18th century colonial America, and there for no reason yet apparent, he had killed sombeody.

title: Trillers - A story about Time Travel

question: What does the story say about creating a time paradox?

answer: No answer

critique: No answer is given in the text, but in the overall scheme of the story, certain events are highlighted by the story. In the main text, a researcher travels to 18th century America, while in the second part, there are stories of a death that was caused in colonial America. The author want readers to judge themselves, steering away from providing any firm answers on creating a time paradox and creating timelines.

question: What does the story say about the impossibility of enforcing the three rules of time travel?

answer: The rules were not as effective as they had hoped. The researchers found it impossible to not affect social development as travelers ended up in the bars and public houses of times throughout history, invariably becoming drunk and opinionated, and ended up either instigating or, in some exceptional cases, getting a little carried away and leading entire revolutionary movements. It was impossible to not have an affect on future events as a whole anyway as the person’s mere arrival and subsequent existence in the past occupied space and therefore had instigated a change by just moving the air particles, anything over and above that would cause a more obvious chain reaction (such as stopping traffic at a road crossing or feeding an animal) and so it was deemed impossible to enforce any of the laws they had worked so tirelessly to create.

critique: The answer should mention the third rule.

critique: For more accuracy and clarity, I recommend omitting 'and' before the second and third sentences.

critique: The answer should be in the first person.

critique: This answer should be in a single sentence.

critique: The answer should mention that the rules were impossible to enforce because of the nature of time travel.

critique: "It was impossible to not have an affect on future events as a whole anyway as the person’s mere arrival and subsequent existence in the past occupied space and therefore had instigated a change by just moving the air particles, anything over and above that would cause a more obvious chain reaction (such as stopping traffic at a road crossing or feeding an animal) and so it was deemed impossible to enforce any of the laws they had worked so tirelessly to create." is unnecessary.

question: What does the story say about time travel in the mid-22nd century?

answer: Time travel had become a mundane and everyday reality. When the phenomenon had first been introduced to the mass consciousness due to a theft of documents by a government employee, massive steps had been proposed to limit the detrimental effects of what would likely become a hugely popular social pastime. An international committee, after much deliberation and the investment of a great deal of working hours and taxpayers money, eventually decided on three rules of time travel.

critique: The answer should mention the black market.

critique: The answer should mention the three rules.

critique: It's omitted that the rules were ineffective.

critique: Doesn't mention that there were problems upon the launch of the rules.

critique: The answer should mention the three rules of time travel.

critique: It's omitted that despite the best efforts of authorities to restrict the sale of time travel machines, a huge black market materialized.

question: What does the story say about Jiff Beaner?

answer: Jiff Beaner is a particularly entrepreneurial individual who travels three hundred years into the future and buys all the books on the history of time travel. He learns all the industrial lessons of his future competitors. He then returns in a much bigger time machine with parts enough for a time machine manufacturing unit from the future. He mass-produces time machines and sells them to 63% of all households on the first manufacturing year alone. Naturally, Jiff is outdone by another who carries out the same plan as Jiff and outdoes him overnight. The competitor has all of Jiff's ideas for the next three hundred years and a manufacturing unit three hundred years newer. Someone then outdoes that man, and so it went on.

critique: The answer is a summary of the story and not an answer to the question.

critique: The answer is too long and includes irrelevant information.

critique: The answer is a summary of the story, not a description of Jiff Beaner.

critique: The information about Gerald Keys and the murder is irrelevant.

critique: The answer should mention that Jiff's competitors are from the future.


text:
I was in the main hallway of our house, preparing a batch of tomato sauce.

The place was big and clean, and had huge glass windows overlooking the beach. Life had been pretty good lately. There had been a lot of changes and adaptations, but on the whole it was easier, better. No more worries of nations falling apart or people going hungry. I'd even gotten into cooking on my own terms.

But I had to get the damn sauces made right now, so the crews could distribute them to the neighborhood; a real neat labor division, for anyone in the radius who wanted fresh tomato sauce. I loved cooking, but the rigid schedules I knew I would only ever despise.

I absently maneuvered past my father in the hallway and almost dropped the big metal cylinder. A frantic thought passed through my head: *I'll have to make another because I'm going to drop this one*, and I had the strange impression that a drop-down menu with a Copy function would have been the absolute best way to remedy the situation. To my surprise I recovered with the cylinder still snugly in my hands.

When I looked up at the countertop on the side of the hall, ready to heft the batch of sauce onto its receptacle plate, I found that there was already a cylinder of sauce there.

I had only *made one*. I put the ingredients in, stirred, cooked... I racked my memory. The tall tub of sauce that was on the counter *hadn't* been made, but there it was.

I realized I had copied it. I made another drop-down in my mind, and there it was, plain as day, a Copy function. While carrying a bucket of tomato sauce, I could think something that made something impossible happen.

I hit the Copy function, and then there were two cylinders of sauce on the counter. My arms were going numb now, more from shock's adrenaline than the weight of the bucket, so I set the third next to them.

I made another drop-down in my mind. There was nothing on it now. Just blank. No Copying. The tub of sauce had to be in my hands for it to work.

A very strange feeling began to creep up on me. I felt compelled to slam the extra sauce buckets into the trash receptacle before anyone could see them and ask me to explain what I was doing, what I was doing to the matter and energy I'd created by impossibility, but I rejected it. I'd been a crazy person all my life, and now I had the chance to show my family I had every right to be crazy.

I didn't get off to a good start on that.

"*Look! Look!*" I yelled, eyes wide, backpedaling through the living room with my finger pointing at arm's length, instantly accusing the utterly inanimate buckets and their basil-flavored contents of abominable witchery.

My father gave me a stale look. It could have been facial sign language in our family for *oh no, here we go again*. He waved my son over, and they left the room through the screen doors to play on the beach. I beamed a hurt look into the backs of their heads, but I couldn't bring myself to confront them verbally. The door closed behind them, and Mom turned to face me with a suppressed scowl.

*There's still a chance to change your mind,* said some weird impression from my memories. *You can stop this. Or you can take another risk. But whatever you do,* ***move fast***.

"Be respectful around your father! He's been through so much," said Mom, as my father and my son walked out of earshot.

"Look," I said, as quietly and firmly as I could, and pointed at the counter again.

Both our pairs of eyes followed my accusing finger again, and found three buckets of sauce on the counter. I fought the urge to sprint as I went over to pick one up. With the bucket in my hands, I took a breath and summoned another menu in my mind.

It was blank.

Then it hit me; when the weird voice spoke to me, I had been so afraid, I'd done some other strange thing, and cleared the ability out of instinctual fear.

"Huh... wait. I have to make another! It saved the *procedure*," I said, and began throwing cabinets open to find an empty bucket and more ingredients.

Outside, it began raining. I thought it had been clear a moment ago, but this was a whole new climate for me. In fact, we'd moved here because my father and I had missed the rain.

*Hurry,* said the voice from my memories, fouling my happiness with the rain, giving it the flavor of rotten meat. *Unexpectedly* rotten, the worst flavor.

"Oh, Lz_erk," said my mother, "you can't keep doing this. Don't you remember what happened last time, when we found you screaming in a ball in the middle of the house?"

*Middle of the house?* My inner dialogue mocked, ever more eloquent than my stumbling speech; *You mean the pit that existed that whole afternoon. The impossible pit under the house that was gone only hours later. It was raining then too, and hard, and the water pooled around my knees and soaked my gloves and jacket while I screamed out my infantile confusion from a muddy gorge right under us. You never did come up with a plausible excuse for why you found me soaking wet when I appeared in the other hall. Never matched how I supposedly got there with the timestamps on the uses of the home's access points.*

I was banging the sauce together as quick as I could, but it had only been two seconds while I thought, and I barely had an empty pot on the counter. *You're running out of time,* "said" the impression from my memories. Panic struck me as I found the layers of meaning in the memories: the dread, the knowledge that something unusual was going to happen, was thickening around me like a vat of corn starch and water under attack by flamethrowers.

"I copied the sauce," I said. "I can do it again if I have time, I swear, but I copied it -- they appeared out of nowhere. Look at them, why would I make *three*?"

I looked outside while Mom pondered my statements, and saw that the rain was coming down *hard*. It was thick pellets, droplets like hailstones, big enough to see in their diagonal downward pounding even at this distance to the windows in the living room. I was worried for my father and my son, but it was obvious now that what I had done was making it rain. Just like last time. The world was going into debug mode.

I shouted, "do you realize what this means? *The world is a simulation!*"

"You have to stop this," said my mother. "Don't you remember what happened last time? When you were sick. We found the solution, and everything was okay again."

I stared at her in disbelief as the waves swelled outside.

title: Debug Mode [1120 words, sci-fi/horror]

question: Judging by the conversation between the narrator and his mother, is their world a simulation or is the mum right about her son's mental condition?

answer: It is not clear, but it is implied that the world is a simulation.

critique: It is not implied that the world is a simulation.

critique: There is no evidence that the narrator's world is a simulation.

critique: The answer is wrong. The mother is right about her son's mental condition.

critique: The answer is not clear, but it is implied that the world is a simulation.

critique:
I suggest considering making this a complete sentence.
To explicitly say that this world being a simulation is what is implied also has good coverage, despite the narrator's insistence that he isn't crazy.

critique: The narrator's mother is right about her son's mental condition.

critique: It is clear that the world is a simulation.

question: According to the passage, what kind of being is the narrator? Is he a robot or a human being?

answer: It seems like he is human.

critique: There's no evidence to suggest that the narrator is human. Instead, they are a non-human character.

critique: The answer could be clearer in its pronoun use.

critique: The answer is incorrect. The narrator is a human being.


text:
The Maniac

By: Leah Pagano

Chapter 1: Introducing a maniac
Brett grew up in a small town in Pennsylvania. He went to church every Sunday and had a very loving family. But from the time he was a small boy he knew there was something different about him. He could always feel this rage inside of him waiting to burst out. He always held it in for fear of his parents sending him away to the looney bin. But one day when he was about thirteen years old, he stumbled upon a stray cat when he was walking home from school. Normally these cats were afraid of people, but not this one. He was very friendly. So Brett picked him up and took him home knowing his parents wouldn't be home for hours. This was the first time Brett would kill. He thought about it the whole way home. Every step he took the rage grew stronger. He started perspiring profusely. He finally hit the front door of his house but instead of going in he just stood there a few minutes. He turned and decided to go into the basement. He would remain down there for two hours. No sounds. No wails. Just a pool of blood spilling out from under the door. Brett had just unlocked his rage. The worst was yet to come.
	He had just figured out the way to control his rage. Killing. He knew it was wrong but he figured it was just animals so it was okay. What he didn’t realize was that he was slowly turning into a monster. Day after day he slaughtered these poor animals and each day he became stronger, more violent. His fits of rage lasted longer and longer until he finally snapped. This was it. Today would be the day he took it one step further.
Chapter 2: It’s only A Crime If You Get Caught
	He waited patiently outside the grocery store day after day looking, hoping to find The One. The One that would set him free. The One that would finally unlock his brain and let him be normal. Or so he thought inside his twisted head. He saw little girls, little boys and their parents. He decided it would be an adult. Someone bigger than him so he could feel faster, stronger and smarter than them. He knew it would be hard to get them alone. So he went home and thought about his plan. In the middle of the night it came to him. Act like he was lost and ask for a ride. No one would leave a little boy stranded would they? His plan would be put into action Friday night. His parents would be gone for the weekend and no one would be around to interrupt his deadly deeds.
	He waited anxiously through the whole week for Friday to finally arrive. When the day came he quickly packed up his backpack and got on his bike to head to the grocery store. He walked in and saw that the store manager was working the evening shift and would be leaving around midnight. He thought this was the perfect opportunity.
	He waited in the bushes until the manager was walking towards her car. He waited until she had the key in the door and then jumped out, hit her in the head with a rock and then he dragged her body into the bushes. He only lived a few blocks from the store so he knew he had to move in the darkness to not be seen. He slowly and carefully moved the body step by step through yards and driveways. He had left the basement door open for easy access. He quickly threw the body down the steps, closed the door and locked it behind him. What madness lies in store for the night shift manager? Only Brett knew and he was about to unleash a whole new kind of evil.
Chapter 3: In The Torture Chamber
	A few hours passed and there was a lot of clinks and clanks during this time. The manager started to open her eyes. She didn't know where she was. Brett had a mask on his face just in case she would escape. He didn't want to be incriminated for his crime. He walked up to her and saw her name tag. It said Ashley. He looked into her eyes and he could see she was weak. She opened her mouth to speak but then realized she was tied up and gagged. Before she could process all this Brett slammed a white hot brand into her side. With this Ashley screamed and her eyes filled with tears. Brett took great pleasure in this. After all, he was just beginning. He seared her flesh over and over again with the brand before she passed out again. He then moved onto phase two of his plan.
	He grabbed his fathers nail gun. He put Ashley's hands and feet flat against the table and then woke her up with smelling salts. Just as her eyes opened he pulled the trigger on the nail gun and shot a nail into her right hand. He followed the same pattern with the rest of her limbs. He couldn't stand it anymore. He had to end it. He was too pumped to handle anymore. He grabbed a bucket, put it underneath the table and turned around. He returned with a butcher knife. He took his mask off. He told Ashley he wanted her to know what her murderer looked like. And with that, he slit her throat. She was dead in minutes. Now what to do with the body? This had already been planned out as well.
Chapter 4: The Master Plan
	Brett watched as the last few drops of blood left Ashley's body. He was so proud of himself. He finally got all the rage out. He felt “normal”. Now what to do? Get rid of the body of course. He got out his dads saw and began the slow process of hacking her body to pieces. He boiled them up and put them into mason jars. He buried the blood in the backyard. You may ask, what happened to the pieces of her body? Well Brett was slowly feeding his dog Milo the pieces little by little in his dog food. He thought he had committed the perfect crime. How would anyone ever find out. Three months had past and everything was going fine. Brett only had a few pieces left to feed Milo and it would be over forever. That is, until Milo got sick. He begged his dad not to take him to the vet. He said he just had an upset stomach for a few days. But his dad took him anyway. And that's when the truth finally came out. When they x-rayed Milo's stomach they saw all of Ashley's fingernails in there. Brett's dad had no idea what happened. Brett told him he didn't know how they got there. But the vet called the police after they had left and told them what had happened. A few hours later the police arrived at Brett's house with the surveillance tapes from the grocery store. They had seen everything Brett had done until he reached the neighbors yard. Brett ran out of the house as fast as he could. The police said when they caught him he would go to trial for murder. They found the blood in the backyard and the few pieces left of Ashley down in the deep freeze. Brett was done for and he knew it. How long could he avoid the police?
Chapter 5: The Death Of A Maniac
	Brett ran for what seemed like hours. Had it been worth it? All the years of rage finally gone only to go to jail for the rest of his life. No way. He stayed hidden for a few days before the police finally caught up with him. They pulled him out of his hiding space and put handcuffs on him. He went to trial, was found guilty, and sent to a maximum security prison. His first night in he couldn't stand it. He waited until everyone had gone to sleep and the guards were busy bringing in a new prisoner. He tied his bed sheets into a noose and hung himself. By the time the guards found him it was too late. Brett killed himself at age eighteen. Two months shy of graduating and starting his life for real. His parents grieved for him. Ashley's family was happy to have justice served. So this brings us to the end of the story. Or does it? It turns out Brett's girlfriend had just found out she was pregnant a few weeks before he was caught. Will his child have the same mental problems? Will he be a maniac like his father? Or would he live a normal, peaceful life like everyone else? We may never know. Or will we?

title: The Maniac

question: What does the text say about the cat?

answer: No answer

critique: The answer should mention Brett's first kill.

critique: The answer should mention that Brett kills the cat.

critique: The response misses to mention that the cat is the first victim of Brett's rage.

critique: The response misses to provide an answer to the task in the task.

critique: The answer should mention the role of the cat in Brett's life.

question: What does the text say about Brett's first time killing a person?

answer: Brett kills Ashley, a store manager. He hits her in the back of the head with a rock, drags her body into the bushes, sears her flesh over and over, and end Ashley's life with a slit to the throat. He then feeds Ashley's body to his dog and entrails to his cat bit by bit. Three months after he dismembers Ashley, his dog Milo falls ill, so the authorities were able to find Ashley's remains in Milo's stomach.

critique: The answer should mention that Brett kills Ashley because he wants to feel stronger and smarter than her.

critique: "Three months after he dismembers Ashley, his dog Milo falls ill, so the authorities were able to find Ashley's remains in Milo's stomach." - the sentence is incoherent and needs a rewrite.

critique: The answer is a summary of the whole story, not just Brett's first time killing a person.

critique: The answer omits that Brett kills Ashley.

critique: Ashley is not a store manager, Brett is.

critique: The response contains inaccurate information.

question: What does the text say about how it was found out that Brett murdered Ashley?

answer: Three months had passed since Ashley was murdered, and Brett was finishing feeding 10 parts of Ashley's body to his dog Milo. His dog got sick with the last few pieces, and the vet discovered Ashley's fingernails in Milo's stomach.

critique: The answer omits the police investigation.

critique: The answer omits that the police were called after Milo's vet visit.

critique: It's not just the last few pieces, he's feeding Ashley's body to his dog Milo.

critique: The answer omits the police involvement.

question: What does the text say about how Brett developed his psychological disorder?

answer: From a young age, Brett had always felt the need to flare up in rage, and always held it in for fear of his parents seeing this. He was always hunted with the thought of going to the looney bin. One time however, while he was on his way home from school, he stumbles upon a stray cat. This cat turns out to be friendly and approachable, which leads him to take the cat home, feed it, and care for it. During a visit to the vet, he is told that he does not have to kiss the cat, feed him or pet him, but doing this would be to his benefit. After this visit, Brett strangles the cat, takes it home and dismembers it. He learns how to control his rage and starts to up the ante by killing even more animals, and even non-venereal.

critique: The response contains inaccurate information.

critique: The story does not mention that Brett is told to not kiss the cat, feed it, or pet it.

critique: The last sentence is a bit misleading because Brett doesn't kill non-venereal animals.

critique: Does not summarize the story, Brett's early childhood, or his relationship with his kitten as written in the text.

critique: The last two sentences are inaccurate and not according to the text.

text: The last four sentences of the answer are inaccurate - specifically, in the story, Brett finds a friendly stray cat which he takes home and dismembers, and discovers that the act of killing helps him control his rage.

category: accuracy


text:
HARRY GERIS (November 22, 1947 – April 24, 2008) was a Canadian Olympic wrestler who represented Canada in the 1968, 1972, and 1976 Olympics, 1966 British Empire and Commonwealth Games and 1975 Pan American Games.

Geris was born in Deurne in the Netherlands, and emigrated to Canada as a child. Geris grew up in London, Ontario along with his eight siblings, Cathy, Dorthy, Jackie, Jane, Fred, Angel, Hank, and Billy.

Geris attended Sir Adam Beck Secondary School where he tried out for numerous sporting teams including basketball and football. Harry was a member of Sir Adam Beck's wrestling team, where he earned two O.F.S.S.A. gold medals 1 under the tutelage of wrestling coach Fred Flectcher. While at Sir Adam Beck Geris won his first of ten Canadian National Champions, which led him to representing Canada at three Olympic Games, 1968, 1972, and 1976.

His performance in High School athletics got the attention of the Head Coach of Joliet Junior College wrestling program in Illinois, Henry Pillard. Coach Pillard recruited Geris to the Wolves wrestling squad and as a result Harry won the N.J.C.A.A Wrestling Championship in 1968. His performance at the 1968 N.J.C.A.A. Championships earned Harry a scholarship to wrestle at perennial powerhouse Oklahoma State University where placed 2nd at the Big 8 Tournament and 4th at the 1972 N.C.A.A. National Tournament, earning him All-American honors.

Harry's love for the sport of wrestling was passed on to his three sons, Jason, Shawn, and Ryan. They all attended Sir Wilfrid Laurier Secondary School where they were members of the Laurier wrestling team. All three boys excelled in the sport and earned an impressive collection of accolades in their father's sport. Jason like his father attended Oklahoma State and eventually earned a wrestling scholarship to California's Fresno State University. Shawn attended Eastern Michigan University. Both Jason and Shawn are Canadian National Champions in the sport of wrestling.

Harry Geris started a London wrestling club in the 80's called AWOLS (Amateur Wrestling of London South). He travelled the team around North America developing some of the best wrestlers in the country, and lead kids to obtain scholarships with wrestling. His team was large but he managed to be a part of every one of his wrestler's lives. He helped pay for the team by running bingo's and selling wrestling gear, and donated everything to help the team go to tournaments, and camps. The AWOL team was a multiple attendant of Lock Haven Wrestling Camp, one of the best camps in the US. Harry Geris had no troubles driving thousands of miles to go to a single tournament for his wrestlers. Geris was inducted into the U.S. National Junior College Wrestling Hall of Fame in 1980 and the Canadian Amateur Wrestling Hall of Fame in May 1984.

Geris remained involved in amateur wrestling until his death.[1]

Geris was found dead by a construction worker at 7.30am on April 24, 2008, behind Saunders Secondary School in London, Ontario where he was delivering wrestling mats for an upcoming tournament. Police did not suspect foul play, but said an autopsy would be conducted to determine the cause of death. Geris was aged 60.

The Harry Geris Memorial Grappling Games were named in his honor, beginning in January 2009. The Harry Geris Memorial Grappling Games were the first in Canada to combine freestyle and Greco-Roman wrestling, Brazilian jiu-jitsu and FILA rules no-gi grappling.

The weblog, harrygerisstory.blogspot.com, is dedicated to the life of Harry Geris, and features personal stories, articles and photos that are to appear in a future biographical book entitled, “The Harry Geris Story” being authored by his son, Shawn.

LIST OF AWARDS AND ACHIEVEMENTS

1966 - Canadian Freestyle Champion, Commonwealth Games (Jamaica) – 4th place, World Championships (Toledo, Ohio)

1967 - Canadian Freestyle Championships – Silver medalist(213.5 lbs)

1968 - N.J.C.A.A. Champion for Joliet Junior College (Illinois) Canadian Freestyle Champion

1969 - N.J.C.A.A. Runner-up for Joliet Junior College (Illinois)

1971 - United States Wrestling Federation – Silver medalist

1972 - N.C.A.A. Championships – 4th place(All-American Status) wrestled for Oklahoma State, National AAU/USA – Silver medalist, Canadian Olympic Team (Munich, Germany) 230 lbs – 9th place

1973 - Canadian Freestyle & Greco Roman Champion, FISU Games (Moscow, Russia) – 4th place, World Championships (Iran) World Cup - Bronze medalist (Toledo, Ohio)

1974 - Eastern United States AAU Champion, Canadian Freestyle & Greco Roman Champion

1975 - Canadian Freestyle & Greco Roman Champion, Pan American Games (Mexico) – 4th place Freestyle & Bronze medalist Greco Roman

1976 - Canadian Championships Freestyle Silver medalist & Greco Roman Champion, Member of the Canadian Olympic Team

1980 - Inducted into the United States Junior College Wrestling Hall of Fame

1984 - Inducted into the Canadian Amateur Wrestling Hall of Fame

OKLAHOMA STATE UNIVERSITY - SEASON RECORD FOR HARRY GERIS - 1972 Bouts:26 Wins:19 Loses:5 Ties:2 Falls:11 Win Pct:76.0%

OKLAHOMA STATE UNIVERSITY - DUAL MEET RECORD FOR HARRY GERIS - 1972 Bouts:14 Wins:10 Loses:2 Ties:2 Win Pct:78.6%

[2]

[1] 3-time Canadian Olympic wrestler dies at 60, Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, April 25, 2008.

[2] Belanger, Joe: Body found behind school, _London Free Press_, April 25, 2008.

title: Harry Geris

question: Summarize everything relating to Geris's family.

answer: Geris grew up with his eight siblings in London, Ontario. His father passed away, but there is no other information. His three sons all attended Sir Wilfrid Laurier Secondary School.

critique: The answer should mention that his sons all excelled in wrestling.

critique: The answer should mention that the three sons excelled in wrestling.

question: Summarize Geris's international career.

answer: Geris represented Canada in the 1968, 1972, and 1976 Olympics, 1966 British Empire and Commonwealth Games, and 1975 Pan American Games. He won the N.J.C.A.A. Wrestling Championship in 1968. He was a member of the Canadian Olympic Team in 1972. He was a Canadian Freestyle and Greco Roman Champion in 1973.

critique: The response includes extraneous information not useful for the task.

critique: The answer should mention his two medals in the World Championships.

critique: Saying that in 1973 he was a Freestyle and Greco Roman Champion is unnecessary.

critique: The answer should mention his performance at the FISU Games.

critique: The answer should mention that he was a member of the Canadian Olympic Team in 1972.

question: What does the article say about Geris's career outside of wrestling?

answer: No answer

critique: There is no answer, but the article does say that Geris started a London wrestling club, AWOLS.

critique: The response misses to provide an answer to the instruction in the task.

critique: The response misses to mention that Geris was a Canadian Olympic wrestler.

critique: The response misses to mention that Geris started a London wrestling club in the 80's called AWOLS.

critique: The answer should mention that the article does not mention anything about Geris's career outside of wrestling.

critique: His children created a blog in his memory.

critique: The answer should mention that Geris was a wrestler.


text:
Just a short story i wrote, any feedback/comments would be awesome!

I lie suspended here, in my world, alone with my thoughts. I hear muffled noises coming out of the Nothing. They are the Voices, quiet, murmuring, constant.  I know not what they are, nor what their purpose is. This sometimes frustrates me, not knowing, but it is a mere inconvenience, as they have no effect upon me. The Melody however, does. Here it comes now. It makes me tremble; it makes me quiver with anticipation at the thought of what is to come. The worst thing I can ever recall, the only thing I have ever been able to recall. It is like something takes all of my nerves, every last one, and stabs them individually with a red-hot spike. Yet even this description only comes close to what it is actually like. I call it the Paroxysm. An agonizingly violent eruption of pain, that makes my ears feel like they are bleeding, and my eyeballs want to explode out of my body. Then, as quickly as it starts, the Melody fades to silence and I return to my motionless state, slowly losing consciousness, and my sanity.
When I awake, I feel something different. This is not like all the other times the Paroxysm has come. I am unable to determine what has changed, and my imagination runs wild, pouncing at possibilities, roaring at potentials, snarling at probabilities. I curl into a ball, the Change making me want to hide from the Nothing. In a blinding flash of understanding, it dawns on me. The Voices, the constant, indeterminable murmuring which had been present throughout every occurrence of the Paroxysm, are no longer reaching my ears from across the infinite expanse of the Nothing. I feel like a part of me has been removed, a part that was irreplaceable has now been replaced with silence. As I now comprehend the Change, I begin to uncurl from my foetal ball. To my relief, nothing of my surroundings appears to have changed. The absence of the Voices appears to not have had any effect apart from shaking my world to its core, and thereby disproving all my theories, as I am still suspended in the inky-black of the Nothing.
I am startled by a sudden noise, coming out of the Nothing, but terrifyingly close. My addled mind cannot make sense of it at first, but it slowly begins to form recognizable words.
“mmheo….mehllo….Hello? Hello? Hey! Welcome back. We thought we’d lost you there. I’m afraid you’ve been in a very serious accident. Can you flex your fingers for me please?”
I flex my fingers. I somehow sense the new Voice is not pleased with the result of this flexing.
“Ah.” I hear the Voice murmur something which I couldn’t quite catch. It seemed to disappear off into the Nothing.
Now I hear rattling, whirring, beeping, clicking, squeaking. Then silence. Except this silence is different from the silence in the Nothing, there the silence is so deep it screams, while here it is punctuated by a steady drum. Babum-babum.
Here is the Voice again, “I’m terribly sorry sir.”
Somehow, these words bring a flood of images. They pour at me out of the darkness. An old man and woman. A young woman in a white dress. Three small children. A party. A fire. A car. A crash. A burn. Then I collapse once again into the safety of the Nothing. The gentle sound of the Melody washes over me once more, yet somehow I know that the Paroxysm will not come again.

title: The Melody (600-ish words)

question: What is the story's setting?

answer: The story has a confusing setting - it is both a world of thought, where the Nothing exists. As if in a dream, the narrator enters a different environment when the Melody stops. However he doesn't know where he is going. He reenters the Nothing.

critique: The narrator is aware that he is in a dream.

critique: It's important to state that it is unclear where or when the story takes place - all we know is that the narrator has experienced some sort of accident and is lying in an unknown place

critique: It is omitted that the narrator is in a coma.

question: What does the story say about the narrator?

answer: The narrator is a person who has been in a serious accident. He is in an accident and his body is in a hospital. The narrator is in a coma and his body is in a state of paralysis. The narrator is being monitored by a voice. The voice is trying to get the narrator to respond. The narrator is able to flex his fingers. The narrator is able to hear the voice. The voice tells the narrator that he has been in a serious accident. The narrator is able to see images of an old man and woman, a young woman in a white dress, three small children, a party, a fire, a car, a crash, and a burn. The narrator is able to hear the sound of a drum. The narrator is able to hear the voice say that he is terribly sorry. The narrator is able to hear the melody of the voice. The narrator is able to feel the Paroxysm. The narrator is able to feel the change. The narrator is able to feel the voices.

critique: The narrator is not able to see images of the things the voice mentions.

critique: The paraoxysm isn't mentioned in the passage.

critique: The narrator is not in a coma. He is in a state of paralysis.

critique: The narrator is not able to hear the melody of the voice.

critique: The narrator is not able to hear the voices.

question: What does the narrator mean by "the Melody"?

answer: The narrator is in a coma. The Melody is the pain that the narrator feels when the Paroxysm comes.

critique: The narrator's feelings are not enough to determine the meaning of the 'Melody'. He doesn't know what it is as well.

critique: The narrator being in a coma is not referenced.

question: What does the story say about "the new Voice"?

answer: The new Voice is the one who speaks to the narrator after he has woken up. The Voice is not pleased when the narrator flexes his fingers. The Voice is sorry after the narrator collapses back into the Nothing.

critique: It is omitted that the new Voice is a doctor.

critique: The response should include that the narrator flexes his fingers to the Voice.

critique: It is omitted that the voice belongs to a paramedic.

critique: "The new Voice is the one who speaks to the narrator after he has woken up." - this is incorrect. The Voice was already there, but the narrator was unaware of it. Change to "The new Voice is the one who speaks to the narrator after he has woken up and is sorry for the narrator's accident."


text:
[Peninsula Jewish Community Center. Foster City, CA]

Peninsula Jewish Community Center’s Gan Tzedek (Justice Garden). Foster City, CA

Our nation is enslaved to an industrial food system that is making us sick and fat. It abuses workers (with many cases of modern day slavery), is inhumane to animals, pollutes our drinking water with manure and pesticides, and contributes to climate change. Eating is a religious act. These foods do not reflect Jewish values of humane treatment of animals, workers rights, protecting the environment and human health.

This Passover, we can liberate ourselves from this system by supporting farmers that grow food more sustainably. Below is a list of suggestions for your seder and throughout the year. _There’s so much more that can be done, so please share your ideas in the comments section, at the bottom of the post. _

[Mr. Ha's. La Cienega Farmers Market. Los Angeles]

Mr. Ha’s eggs. La Cienega Farmers Market. Los Angeles

BEITZAH (HARD BOILED EGG)
*_Choose happy chicken eggs._
Choose eggs from chickens that are raised humanely (feathers not removed, not de-beaked, have plenty of space, spend time outside and eat a natural diet). Yes, the myriad of egg carton labels are confusing, so the Humane Society of the US provides a great explanation page for consumers. The highest animal welfare standard for eggs is offered by Animal Welfare Approved,which includes a list of certified providers by zip code.

WINE
_*Go organic.
_Farm workers are the backbone of our nation’s food industry, toiling under dangerous conditions for meager pay and exempt from many of the nation’s labor laws. Farm workers–including those harvesting grapes–their families and nearby communities are exposed to pesticides, putting them at risk for short and long-term health effects.  Hazon offers a list of certified organic, kosher for Passover wines.

GEFILTE FISH
_*Choose ocean-friendly fish_
Fish populations worldwide are under severe threat because of industrial fishing. “90% of the world’s fisheries fully fished or in decline,” according to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Serving sustainable fish is a great way to protect threatened fish stocks and support fisherman catching environmentally-friendly fish. The Seafood Guide has all of the answers for what fish to buy and eat,including which Whitefish and Carp for your gefilte fish. And, if you don’t want to make your own, check out the Gefilteria’s artisanal, Brooklyn-made gefilte fish.

[La Cienega Farmers Market]

Red leaf lettuce. La Cienega Farmers Market, Los Angeles

MAROR, CHAZERET, AND KARPAS (HORSERADISH, GREENS, VEGETABLES)
*_Buy produce from a local farmer. _
Knowing who and how your produce is grown is a huge step in ensuring that you are buying from a small, sustainable farmer. Small local farmers are integral to your community food system: their farms save open space, ensure continuity of family-owned farms and provide delicious, produce grown with more environmentally-friendly techniques.

ZROA (ROASTED SHANK BONE)
*_Opt for a roasted beet
_Worldwide, 77 billion animalsare raised annually for food, generally under inhumane conditions that violates tza’ar ba’alei chayim (the Talmudic law preventing cruelty to animals). Raising livestock contributes more greenhouse gas emissions globally than transportation.And it takes a whopping 2,000 gallons of water to raise a pound of beef.  Opting for a vegetarian seder is easy. And, replacing a shank bone with a roasted beet is common amongst vegetarians and “the Talmud mentions beets as one of the vegetables sometimes dipped during the seder.” If fully eliminating meat is too drastic, become a “reducetarian”or go Meatless Monday.

[Underwood Family Farms, Culver City Farmers Market]

Beets. Underwood Family Farms, Culver City Farmers Market

_*OR choose s__ustainably-raised meat_
If you do prefer to eat meat, buy sustainably-raised meat. Such animals are raised in natural and normal environments on small farms: grass-fed, humanely raised on pastures.  In addition to using these standards, Robariah Farms, Wise Organic Pastures, Kol Foods, and Grow and Behold are certified kosher, too.

HAROSET (“BRICKS AND MORTAR” MIXTURE)
_*Support your local beekeeper_
Honeybees pollinate every third bite of food we eat, amounting to$19 billion in US crops annually.Bees are under threat and dying off from Colony Collapse Disorder, (CCD)threatening crop yields. CCD is thought to be caused by climate change, pesticides, habitat loss and pests. Buying local honey for your haroset supports farmers and beekeepers who are protecting critical wild honeybee populations.

[Twin Springs Fruit Farm, Takoma Park, MD Farmers Market]

Twin Springs Fruit Farm, Takoma Park, MD Farmers Market

_*Choose organic apples
_Apples are rated #1 for pesticide residue on Environmental Working Group’s “Dirty Dozen” list. If you’re choosing just a few organic produce items for the holiday, apples should be at the top of your list.  Pesticides are a toxin used to kill bugs and other plants that are invasive to crops. However, many pesticides toxicity extends beyond the fields to consumers and dangers include: “brain/nervous system toxicity, cancer, hormone disruption, skin/eye/lung irritation.”

DAIRY
*_Choose organic, hormone-free dairy._
Forget the iconic images plastered on milk containers of rolling hills, red barns and frolicking dairy cows. Nearly 90% of all dairy cows raised in the US are done under inhumane conditions, where they are crammed into indoor pens, fed corn and pumped with rGBH (genetically engineered hormone to make them produce more milk).  Opt instead for dairy products from cows raised under humane conditions: on pasture, fed grains and without rGBH.

Pesach sameach!

question: What does the article say about how to choose foods aligned with Jewish values?

answer: The author suggests that eating is a religious act and that the foods we eat should reflect Jewish values of humane treatment of animals, workers rights, protecting the environment and human health. The author suggests that we can liberate ourselves from the industrial food system by supporting farmers that grow food more sustainably. The author suggests that we can choose happy chicken eggs, organic wine, ocean-friendly fish, produce from a local farmer, a roasted beet, sustainably-raised meat, local honey, and organic apples.

critique: The answer should mention the author's suggestions for the Passover seder.

critique: The author does not suggest that we can choose happy chicken eggs, organic wine, ocean-friendly fish, produce from a local farmer, a roasted beet, sustainably-raised meat, local honey, and organic apples.

critique: The article doesn't explicitly say that eating is a religious act, but it does state that the foods we eat should reflect Jewish values of humane treatment of animals, workers rights, protecting the environment and human health.

question: What does the text say about halal food?

answer: No answer

critique: The answer should mention that the text does not mention anything about halal food.

critique: The answer should mention that the article does not mention anything about halal food.


text:
                      He Tried Not to Think

He wandered aimlessly. He didn’t think. Thinking took too much effort. He walked. Just walked, because that was all he could do. His phone was in his pocket and he endured the cold while he waited for it to ring. The breeze ran down the street and bit and tore until it worked its way into his skin. He was not walking to anywhere in particular or for any other reason than to stall. The streets were deserted and the park by the lake contained nothing but the geese lagging behind on their journey south.

His mind trailed off. Where could she be? What could she be doing? When was the last time I saw her? Does she even want to see me? Am I simply just wasting my time? No, no, no he thought; don’t let your mind wonder off. Thinking hurts too much. She cannot just be gone without a goodbye or a mere fare thee well.

Nine p.m. she said. We will go to the movies, and then have dinner. It would be wonderful but reality is never like your expectations.

He approached the pond and walked down the hill till he was on the middle of it. He sat down and looked out across. It was calm except for the ripples caused by the wind. The silence was the best part. Silence was a commodity he longed for. He didn’t need everyone telling him that it would be alright, you need to get out some, she isn’t coming, but what did they know?

Snow began falling. He and she were heading down the road one night. The winter storms had rolled in and the snow blinded their way as he drove. The tree lined road was interspersed with the occasional home or driveway leading deeper into the woods. The snow was so bad that it was near impossible to see more than twenty feet ahead, but the road he drove on, he had been on a thousand times and it was practically a straight line. Yet then he saw a blur dash in the road. Then he felt the wheels leave the ground and the crashing of glass and the crumple of steel and the cold air rushing in. The car pushed in around them forcing them closer together as it continued to tumble down the road until they came to a rest with his body pressed against hers with nowhere to move. The next moment he was in the snow with eyes looking over him as the cold embedded itself in his bones.

 He felt his phone in his pocket and looked at the time: ten-thirty. No missed messages, no missed calls, not anything. He put it away and stared at the light on the other side of the lake. He wrapped his hands around himself and stuck them under his arms to stay warm and waited for a call. Ten-forty-five. At ten-forty-five it finally arrives. The phone rings and he answers. Contempt, hate, rage, and longing coursed through him. He didn’t speak immediately. Control was important, nothing good comes from impulse. “Hello my dear. Is it as I fear? Will I still see you here?”

“No my love, I am coming now. I’m sorry, I am sorry I took so long. The people I was with just kept rambling on and on, like loons, but don’t be mad; I will be beside you soon.”

A consolation time, being second, what else should one expect?  Don’t expect anything, no ever expected anything from him, so he was never disappointed. He said. “Okay then. It was your time, and never mine but yours to spend. I just thought it was on you that I could depend.”

He let the cold slip in further. His ears went numb, then his cheeks, and then his toes. Finally he stood up and proceeded home. He opened the door and the warmth hurried out. The couch welcomed him, and hugged around him when he sat down. Eleven o’clock his phone said now. Better late than never he thought. Then twelve came around. Then one, and then finally his eyes fell shut and he gave up.

As the days wore on after the crash he slowly pieced together what happened while in a hospital bed until his memory finally returned and he was able to make sense of everything. Countless faces with sad, pitying smiles expressing halfhearted condolences and apologies paced through the room ceaselessly for days and days. He was constantly in the presence of the one or two who actually cared but they were of no help to him. He asked almost hourly how she was doing but in return he only received saddened faces and pitying looks that he so longed would just go away. Maybe deep down he knew what actually happened. Maybe one day he would be able to actually face it. His mind wouldn’t accept it though. Even when he was cleared to leave he would ask his friends if he could see her.

It went on until people stopped being nice about it. They started shouting, they started to bluntly say what hurt him the most, and they no longer felt the need to give a reassuring lie because it was time to face what happened. It was of course for no use though. The shelter of his mind kept him warm and blanketed from the harsh unforgiving world around him. Then one day people just gave up. He was left to himself. People would show up occasionally but only to drop off food and other groceries. He was slowly being forgotten and left to be a part of the past.

One day though he received a phone call, “Hello my love, it’s been far too long. Will you be busy around nine so that we can dine and once again be fine? How about a movie or we can just be joyous and sing songs until morning’s dawn? I will be there then my dear, don’t fear.” The call ended just after and he was left bewildered but so happy to have heard her. He waited. He waited until nine had become ten and he could take it no more and he had to leave for a walk.

He woke up with hands running through his hair. Cold hands. He looked up and saw her. The smile crept across their faces as they stared. “Hello my love,” he said looking above, “why have you taken so long?”

“Because here my dear, is not where I belong. You have known this for far too long. Yet it appeared I must come along, to remind you that I am always here. I am always there. To be a reminder to you that things only get colder and harder, but never darker”

“But my love you must explain. Why am I in so much pain? Why must you be so delayed?  I have love for you that cannot be swayed, but I would rather just end this masquerade. I would rather you just have always stayed.”

“And one day soon. That will happen for you. Though it may hurt, I promise you will just simply awake. With my hand in your hair and a smile in which we both partake, and I won’t be cold, I will be something you can actually hold. And be far more than Lenore or some forgotten lore. I will be yours.”

And then she was gone. He felt his head. It was still cold. He
checked his phone and saw no calls. No messages. There was nothing at all. There was nothing at all to ease his mind. So he lay there, just trying not to think.

For days after he stared at his phone in the hopes that she would call again. The phone though stayed blank with no calls, messages, or anything of the sort that would light up the screen. He couldn’t take it. He was just there with her. Once again he had her next to him for her to only disappear as before but this time he really was alone. He really didn’t have anyone. He was already become a part of the past. He belonged to a particular moment in time that he could not escape. There was nothing left for him here, so he went to join her.

title: He Tried Not to Think (revised)

question: How do the narrator's friends and family treat him as the story progresses?

answer: He's barely appreciated until he shuts down and becomes a constant burden.

critique: The narrator doesn't shut down. He's in a coma.

critique: though irrelevant, this could be detrimental by painting him as a zombie or somnambulist.

critique: The narrator's friends and family treat him with pity.

critique: The narrator is not shut down. He is in a coma.

critique: The answer should mention the phone call.

critique: It's omitted that they eventually stop coming by.

critique: It is omitted that they eventually give up on him.

text: The answer should state that they are initially supportive, playing along with his delusion, until they eventually grow tired of it and give up on him.

refinement: He's barely appreciated until he shuts down and becomes a constant burden.

question: What does the story say about necromancy?

answer: No answer


text:
Blackness greeted me when I woke. It took me a few more seconds to realize that the darkness was probably attributed to the fact that my eyes were closed. There was no improvement upon opening them, however, and I grew more and more concerned. I seemed to be in a box of some kind. I knew not where I was, or how I had gotten there. After a moment of panic I noticed a gentle soothing sound, almost similar to the sound of water rushing along rocks. I listened to it for a few more seconds, attempting to gain control of my mounting panic.

The control failed and my imagination took over. The sound began to seem more and more like the sound of dirt falling slowly onto a coffin. Was I being buried alive? My body stiffened at the thought. My hands ran over the inside of my box, searching for a way out. I would dig out if I had to. The air seemed to becoming thinner. How long would it be before I suffocated completely? I strained against the walls. I kicked the roof. I scratched the floor. Everything was smooth and metallic in texture except the soft memory-foam like material that I was resting on.

Then, my fingers caught on a depression in the metal, just above my chest. I brought both of my hands up to try and figure out what it was. A click and a soft hissing noise filled my small enclosure as I pushed the button. Light spilled in from the sides, as the lid of what I had thought was my casket began to open automatically. I sat up slowly, blinking away the spots that had showed up in response to the light.

The sight that greeted me was hardly the dark gloomy setting of a cemetery. I seemed to be in a long white hallway. What looked like windows on the walls were made from one-way glass, blocking my view of what was outside of my mysterious hallway. All around me were more of the coffin-shaped boxes, although I could see now that they were very modern in their design. They were made of the same white plastic material that made up the rest of the hallway and each had a gently glowing blue light on the end. Upon closer examination I realized that my light had turned to a harsh red.
I began to try and stand up when a screen suddenly came to life on the wall across from mine and a thin, almost fake-looking woman’s face appeared in the center.

Her voice rang through the halls with a short message: “Hello, and welcome to the future! It is very possible that you are experiencing momentary memory loss. We apologize for the inconvenience, but we assure you that it is only temporary. To help your memory recover, please watch the following film summarizing your own history and that of the others around you. Enjoy!”

The screen flickered and images began to run across the screen of what I assumed were important events in the past. I saw ruined cities, flooded plains, dried-out farms, and homes on fire. A new, gentler voice began to narrate the images.

“In the past, it became clear to us that history was repeating itself over and over again. The same problems were reccurring every few hundred years, sometimes with disastrous consequences. After going through the same types of issues many times, it became obvious that the outcomes of those events were based mainly on the leading people of the nations involved. Environmental problems were best addressed when someone with the correct motivation and personality was able to come out and lead others away from destructive tendencies. Social problems were an enigma to those who did not have an intuitive sense of how to deal with them. Wars were lost without leaders who truly understood the principles or war. That is why we developed a way to keep those types of people in reserve for a rainy day. You are aboard the product of that research right now. You are on the Starship Ares.”

Once the video stopped, all that remained was the strange watery sound that I had heard before. I figured now that it was the sound of some sort of machinery aboard the ship, but it still made me somewhat nervous. I had never been aboard a spaceship that I could remember, no matter what the lady in the television was telling me. Then again, I couldn’t remember much of anything.

I began to try and stand up, but just as I started to move, a door opened at the end of the corridor and an extremely pale man walked through. I tried to rise faster, but found that my legs were almost completely useless. I could barely move them.

“Just a moment, master. I’ll be right there,” said the pale man as he came towards me. “Your leg muscles have atrophied a bit, I imagine. It has been a long time since you were last woken.”

I didn’t respond, but stared warily at the stranger. He seemed to know me, and yet his face was not familiar. He came up to the side of my box and knelt beside it. He was very tall, and even on his knees he towered over me. He wore a flowing robe of white, with four separate pockets sewed in to the sides. Out of one he pulled what looked like a gun. I strained my legs in trying to rise and defend myself, but he pushed me gently back down onto the foam beneath me.

“Relax, master. It will help you to move your legs and the rest of your body. It is a drug that will stimulate growth in your muscles. You have been in one position for a very long time, and though the ship has done its best to care for you, there are some side-effects. This will counter them.”
Realizing that I didn’t have much of a choice, I relaxed my body back down and allowed him to inject me with whatever it was. He applied it to each separate major muscle in my legs, and I could feel a cool soothing feeling travelling up my legs. I found I could move my toes and eventually I was able to shift my legs. He continued with the same process around the rest of my body. I had been very sore initially, and this brought great relief.

“Who are you?” I asked. “What am I doing here?”

He looked at me with an almost bemused look. His face was long and his eyes were an almost luminous blue. He had no hair or eyebrows, and when he opened his mouth, I could see that it was almost black. Even with this somewhat alarming combination of facial features, he had a kind face.

“I am hurt, master. You do not remember me? I have served by your side for many years, and in many battles. I am Frederick, but you usually call me Fred unless you are angry at me,” he said, smiling. “As for what you are doing here, the video explained that. You are here to save the world,” he continued, before saying finally, “again.”

title: A friend of mine wrote this in two parts for a weekly class writing assignment. Help me convince him to continue it.

question: What happened to the Earth in the story?

answer: The Earth was destroyed by floods, fires, and wars.

critique: The answer should mention the reason for the destruction.

critique: The answer should mention that the narrator is woken up to save the world.

critique: The answer is not very specific about what happened to the Earth.

critique: The answer should mention that the narrator is on a spaceship.

critique: It is incorrect that the earth was destroyed by floods and wars.

critique: The answer should include that the Earth is also destroyed every few hundred years.

question: What does the story seem to be saying about humanity?

answer: That humanity is doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

critique: This is a bit of an over-exaggeration. The story is saying that humanity is doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again, but it is not saying that humanity is doomed.

critique: The answer should mention the solution to the problem.

critique: The answer should mention the spaceship.

critique: The narrator is being woken up to save humanity.

critique: This is not an accurate representation of the message of the story.

question: Why are the characters in the story in space?

answer: The characters are in space to save the world.

critique: It is omitted that the reason is that history was repeating itself with the same problems over and over.

critique: The answer could be more specific about what world they are trying to save.

question: Describe the process of awakening that happens in the story.

answer: The narrator wakes up in a box, and the lid opens automatically. A video plays, and the narrator is told that they are on a spaceship. The narrator is then woken by a man named Frederick.

critique: The narrator was woken by Frederick in a cylindrical container-looking box.

critique: The narrator is already awake when Frederick wakes them.

critique: The narrator is woken by Frederick, not the video.

critique: The narrator is told that they are on a spaceship, but the narrator is not told this. Frederick tells the narrator that they are on the Starship Ares.


text:
This is a short story that I've slowly been working on for some time. I understand there are grammar and other issues. I would love to have some feedback though.
-

It is 8:47 AM. Gary feels the cool ocean breeze on his face as he looks out into the horizon. Looking up into the sky, he can see the bright streak of light of what is to come. To think that it was only a year ago that they had found out what was going to be happening. On any normal day, Gary would be working. He loved his job, working in the lab attempting to find a weakness in today’s most deadly diseases. Gary’s job no longer matters anymore. If there was some way to ensure the work he loved so much would be preserved, Gary would have made it his duty to preserve as much of humanities knowledge as possible.

 A year ago, the world’s leading space agencies had found an asteroid headed straight for Earth. Humanity had made this discovery far too late to be able to circumvent any disaster. After the announcement was made by the world’s governments, people were in disbelief. People had continued to do their jobs, go shopping for food, cleaning bathrooms, and repairing cars. That is all the people knew to do; what they had been doing for years prior to the announcement. What else were we to do in the meantime?

There was no rioting any time after the announcement was made. Crime rates had dropped dramatically as well. Churches were empty on Sundays; the individuals preferred to be with friends and family at home. This is perhaps the most peaceful time that mankind has ever seen, facing its demise. The asteroid is large enough to kill all life on land.

Gary remembers doing as much research as he could about the incoming rock. The asteroid is moving fast enough to vaporize any water in the immediate area of the impact and create a wave of intense heat. The heat will be hot enough to kill any land animals in an instant. On top of this, it will liquefy the Earth for miles around the impact site.

“It is such a beautiful day today.” Gary said while taking in the early morning breeze from the ocean. “Indeed, it is a wonderful day. I wonder what will be left behind of us for future archaeologists to find.” A stranger on the beach replied. Gary looked over and nodded, pondering the possibilities myself.

*Gary wonders how long it will be before the bones of mankind will be found, if there are any bones left to be found.*

“I suspect that it might be some time before life on Earth has a chance at flourishing again.” The stranger said, continuing from his last statement. “These are our last hours here on Earth, why aren’t you back home with family?” Gary asked the stranger. “I have no family. I have no brother or sisters, and my parents died a few years ago.” Replied the stranger. The stranger had a glimmer in his eyes, and a sullen look upon his face.

“I apologize, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Gary quickly replied, noticing the quick change in the stranger’s appearance. “To think that everything we know, everyone we love, and all of our creations will be gone. Nobody will be able to look at the Eiffel Tower again, nobody will be able to read a novel written by a famous writer, and nobody will be able to look at the beauty that is the Starry Night. Such a sad day it is, that given all of mankind’s great wonders, that we are not able to stop our own end.” The stranger said, looking into the sky.

They had glanced at each other for a moment, then back at the asteroid that can be seen in the sky. The time is growing near, as each minute, the asteroid is moving ever closer. All of the greatest achievements by mankind, and not one of them can stop what is coming at them, moving at a quick 100 kilometers per second. This is the fastest asteroid humans have discovered.

“Do you ever think about what will happen after the impact?” The man asks.

“I am not entirely sure what you mean. I guess after humans die off, after the dust has settled, other organisms can flourish. Ninety-nine percent of land life on Earth will be dead after the impact. Aquatic life will be disturbed, but since this asteroid is going to hit land, most aquatic life will be fine. Many of the top feeding marine life will surely parish though.” Gary replied, scratching his head. “Well, here in a few moments, the universe may no longer be able to observe itself. It will no longer know what love is, what hate is, what hunger, or what pain is. It will lose an important piece of itself today. We are a way for the universe to see itself.” The man says softly.

That is quite a profound statement. Gary had never really thought of it in such a way before this moment. He will surely miss all the wonderful beauties that universe has to offer.

Moments after the man had finished his sentence, a booming sound struck their ears. There was a great fireball in the sky now, racing towards the Earth. “Good luck, my friend.” Said the man as he shook his hand. A blinding flash came from the horizon, followed by a wave of unimaginable heat and force. Once again, life on Earth will be challenged.

Little had Gary knew, the nations of the world had decided on a plan of action shortly after the initial discovery of the asteroid. The nations secretly built several colonies in the deepest depths of the ocean’s water, as well as a colony on the moon. These colonies were modular by design. The modular design allowed for easily sealing off dangerous parts of the colony. The main hub of the colony held the colony’s government, as well as the residents of the colony. Each colony had a similar layout, as well as the additions that were made after the colony was constructed. Each colony had common department names, such as biology, agriculture, medical, botany, and engineering bays.

Within that year after initial discovery of the asteroid, they had completed the construction of the colonies, and had people living and working. Anybody outside of major government officials were never told that such a plan was in motion. Officials brought the top scientists, engineers, mathematicians, doctors, and other useful individuals down to the colonies.

”Ok, class, who has questions about today’s history documentary?” the professor said, disabling the video wall. The class stayed silent for a few moments, with each of the students looking at one another. “These events happened back in 2015. There are only a few people alive today that witnessed the actual event. Today, scientists have figured out some rather important findings about the event. Unfortunately, I am not able to share these findings just yet with you.” Professor Brooke said. There was a bit of mumbling in the back of the classroom about how primitive the technology was.

“Ok, class, if there are no questions, you are all dismissed for the day. Enjoy the afternoon.” Professor Brooke stated while gathering her teaching materials. As the class packs up and begins to leave the room, a couple of the students are curious about what the discovery could have been. “Hey John, do you think if we can sneak over into the military section we will be able to find out what they found?” Robert said, while finishing to pack up the last of his things. John nodded his head, agreeing to sneak into the section.

“This is incredibly alarming. I could only hope the information you have provided is wrong.” Colonel Rogers said, after reading details explaining the origins and purpose of the asteroid. “We should alert the other colonies of the pending attack.” An unknown man said. Two gunshots echoed through the halls of the military section.

“Excuse me sir, we found these boys listening in on the briefing. Can you get the captain to prepare a statement for their parents?” A guard informed Colonel Rogers. “Ill inform the captain. Please take the bodies to the morgue.” Colonel Rogers responded.

title: [SF] The Day

question: What does the story say about Gary and the stranger?

answer: Gary is a man who works in a lab. He is on the beach when he meets a stranger. The stranger is alone and has no family. Gary and the stranger talk about the impending doom of the asteroid. The stranger says that the universe will lose a part of itself when the asteroid hits.

critique: The answer should mention the end of the story.

critique: "He is on the beach when he meets a stranger. The stranger is alone and has no family. Gary and the stranger talk about the impending doom of the asteroid. The stranger says that the universe will lose a part of itself when the asteroid hits." - this is inaccurate because Gary and the stranger don't meet on the beach. The stranger is also not alone, he has a glimmer in his eyes and a sullen look. Gary is also not alone because he has friends and family. Gary and the stranger don't talk about the impending doom of the asteroid or that the universe will lose a part of itself when the asteroid hits.

critique: The model fails to include what the characters have talked about regarding the impact.

critique: The answer omits that Gary and the stranger shake hands before the asteroid hits.

critique: The answer omits the ending of the story.

question: What does the story say about its setting?

answer: The story takes place in the narrator's present. The narrator is Gary, and he is somewhere on the beach regarding the inevitability of an asteroid strike. Gary has heard that humanity is doomed, but that he and the stranger will probably be among the few survivors. The story takes place during the protagonist's final hours on the doomed planet Earth.

critique: The response is confusing. It seems to be talking about the future.

critique: The answer is not related to the setting and should be omitted.

critique: The answer is inaccurate. Gary is not the narrator.

critique: The answer is a summary of the story, not a description of the setting.

critique: There are later implications the story takes place on the ocean-based colonies, which means they survive the event

critique: The story is not in the narrator's present. It is in the future.

text: This answer is poorly written with regard to both coherence and accuracy. It gets the setting right but throws in unnecessary information some of which is inaccurate.

question: What does the story say about riots?

answer: No answer

critique: The response misses to mention that there are no riots after the announcement of the asteroid.

critique: The response misses to mention that there were no riots after the announcement of the asteroid.

critique: The response misses to answer the question.

critique: The response misses to include the information from the passage.

critique: The answer should mention that there was no rioting after the announcement of the asteroid.


text:
    During life people are called many things, some good, some bad. Within a short eight years I’ve been called; a student, worker, son, good listener, hero, savior, and many more. Since I was ten I’ve been talking people out of suicide online. During my eight years of helping people, I’ve helped many people, created an online organization, and learned many new things. This has forever and will constantly change my life.

    Many people ask me, how did this happen? How does a ten year old get mixed up with people’s lives? It was three days after my tenth birthday, the smell of my moms homemade cake was still tangible in the air. I logged onto the computer and found a chat room. I came across a man inside the room. He was talking about ending his life because his wife was cheating on him and getting his kids. My heart was in my ears beating hard, my palms were clammy and wet like a river. I talked with him till late in the night past any ten year olds bed time. This man was set and ready to die, a mere child stopped him. Me.

    A few months after helping the man, I met a girl my age who was rather interested in the “work” I did. She wanted to be part of the action. Lillie and I decided to work together helping people we would find in chat rooms. This continued for about a year. Lillie started to struggle with herself, the constant pressure of someone’s life in your hands at that young of an age takes a heavy toll upon the beholder. Lillie messaged me one night, “Dominic I have a problem” I asked her what it was and she stated, she wanted to die. She couldn’t take helping people anymore. I remember crying, panicking, wanting her to see it my way and not do what she was planning. It all ended so fast only three words remained “Lillie Signed Off.”

    Three years have passed since Lillie’s death, I created an online organization, filled with teens helping people out of dark thoughts. I created this organization in memory of Lillie. DarkShadows. DarkShadows, was constructed of teens from around the world, looking for people with suicidal thoughts that wanted to help prevent suicide. One hundred and ninety-seven teens joined DarkShadows. Each night we would have meetings and we would talk with one another to see if everyone was ok. I learned that this “job” is to hard for one child to take on alone day in and day out, there needs to be an escape route. DarkShadows showed some amazing results, the teens in DarkShadows were able to talk to five hundred plus people out of suicide. With every construction there is a destruction.

    I had a hard time destroying DarkShadows for I was proud of it. I closed down DarkShadows because the stress was enormous, two people were talking people into suicide, three people committed suicide from the pressure, and people started to not care. DarkShadows lasted three years and I was shocked that I could uphold it for so long, but I knew it had to go. I will never forget what I’ve learned from these past experiences.

    I’ve learned, many things over the past few years. I’ve learned that even though the world seems to burn like a raging fireball, there are many people out there still that care for others. I’ve learned that it doesn’t take a hero to save someone, you don’t need a utility belt, powers, cape, gadgets, or a “cool” name to save someone. All you need is a heart, and the will power, and the determination. Everyone is a hero in a way, you’re a hero to your kid, give someone some change for the bus, do something that is not expected from you. You are a hero.

    My life has changed drastically due to this “job”. I have become a better listener, I became mature, I met new people. I think back from when I was ten, I would have never imagined that helping that one guy would take me this far. I feel that due to this, I have a good understanding of people. I can “read” them easier. At times I have thought is it worth it? Is it worth spending hours upon hours helping someone that I don’t even know? When you help someone the end result of them being alive thanks to you is by far the best feeling you can think of. My life will never be the same due to this and for that I am grateful.

    During my short life span I’ve been a lot of things and experienced even more things. Do these names and experiences define me? Or simply give a better understanding of me? By helping one man live through the loss of his wife and kids. I met a great friend that I hold dear in my heart. I became a leader, making tough decisions for a lot of people. I learned, people still care for one another in this world. This has ultimately affected, and effected my life forever and I will never forget it. To be a Hero, you don’t need a cape or a utility belt, just a heart.

title: To Be A Hero You Need A Heart (True Story)

question: What would have happened if Lillie did not kill herself?

answer: Dominic owns and runs DarkShadows, a global organization that tries to help people in need as well as prevent suicide. If Lillie did not kill herself and was still part of his life, Dominic would have never created DarkShadows.

critique: The answer is a bit speculative. It is possible that Dominic would have started the group even if Lillie did not kill herself.

critique: "Dominic owns and runs DarkShadows, a global organization that tries to help people in need as well as prevent suicide. If Lillie did not kill herself and was still part of his life, Dominic would have never created DarkShadows." - this is incorrect. Dominic created DarkShadows because he was inspired by Lillie's death.

critique: Dominic created DarkShadows in memory of Lillie.


text:
He wakes up and looks over at his pad. No new contracts that he wants to bid on. He gets up and gets dressed and heads over to the bar. On his way there he notices another ship that is docked, it hadn't been out for very long, he would see if the captain was in the bar so he could get details. He walks in and notices the captain at a table with a few other captains that he has been associated with. As he sits down, he recognizes the new captain, he had originally helped a small portion in the operation to move his ship out of the sand, just before this contract. The captains all greeted him and they had some small talk till one asked the new one what happened.

The new captain explained that for the first portion of the contract that everything had gone well, until small conditions in his contract failed to be met. The captain had suspected the possibility of an early termination of contract, but continued on none the less. Then one day the cancellation notice came, but the notice was strange. It basically came down to the fact that the contract creator didn't want a full time commitment. He had seen this before, contract creators stringing captains along and the captains wasting time not looking for other contracts to bid on. All of the captains agreed to aid the captain if they could, but they all knew it was up to the captain to either win back the contract or find another.

The captains all began to discuss their recent situations. The next captain to speak had decided to dock their ship far north of here. The port there had frozen over and attempts were being made to break the ice and move the captain down to warmer waters but without a contract there was no real effort to break free. The captain mentioned he tried to get one on the short term, but the contract creator ended up adding too many stipulations. They all agreed to help once the captain got a contract, but none of them could justify allocating resources to remove the ice until then.

Moving left the next captain had contracts a couple of times before and the captain mostly relived the glory days. The captain hadn't bid for a contract in a while, but stated about contracts ripe for the captains picking. Most of the captains were skeptical, at best, of the assertion. He personally thought that the captain's ship had shifted back into the sand. They all let the captain finish through the story, but quickly the next captain began.

This captain had been out many a time, but most of the time the trips were short. Often major problems would arise and be ignored till both parties could not resolve the situation and back into port the captain would roam angry and disappointed as ever. The captain would also seem to take out his ship without a contract on record. While there was a black market, it was rarely active until people wanted a contract on top of their long term one. Even then once it was found out, it usually ended up in the termination of both contracts. The frequency of the captain's alleged activities within the black market made most of the captains dismiss the stories on the spot.

Another captain spoke now. He remembered the captain well. He had worked very hard to help get the captain's ship from the sand and now the ship sat in the port. The captain had been in open negotiations with a contract creator whose other contract was coming to an end but negotiations had fallen through. Whether or not they would pick up again, no one could tell, but they all were hoping for the best for the captain.

The youngest captain was probably in the most interesting situation. The captain had run several trials for contracts, but had never signed one. The captain had a strange outlook on how to be successful, and wished to return to his port of old. Several captains questioned how close the captain really was to securing contracts, even though the captain had presented evidence to the contrary. He was still undecided on the matter, but thought that the captain should send his ship back to the sand and open up contracts for others.

The captain to the right mentioned only two attempts at contracts and yet, an inability to secure contracts. The rest of them sitting at the table disagreed with the statement, how could two attempts certify ineptitude. Alas the captain did not hear them. The captain had dried the pen of ink and did not want to refill it. Maybe one day when a contract slapped the captain in the face an effort would be made to refill the pen, but until then, the captains could only wait.

It was his turn now.

"You all know my story."

He left to put his ship into the sand.

**Edited to replace pronouns and add punctuation

title: Ships in Port.

question: What happened to the new captain's contract?

answer: To begin the contract went well until small conditions in the contract failed. The captain suspected an early termination. But, then the contract creator backed out without explanation.

critique: The answer should mention the reason for the cancellation.

critique: Ending of first sentence too dramatic and awkwardly worded. Replace 'To begin the contract' with 'The first portion'. Also remove 'but' from the next phrase as given context it's nonsensical.

critique: The contract creator's reason for cancelling the contract is omitted.

critique: The answer should mention that the contract was canceled.

critique: The response does not answer the question. It needs to be rewritten.

question: Why was the captain gong to put his ship into the sand?

answer: He had no contracts to bid on.

critique: This is an incorrect answer. There is no evidence to suggest that the captain wants to put his ship into the sand.

critique: He is putting his ship into the sand because he has left it there for so long that it has sunk into the sand.

critique: The answer could be phrased as a complete sentence.

critique: The answer is correct, but it is not stated in the story.