text:
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Photo by Tanya Walter of www.visionartphotography.com

Maya DeLeina is a multi-published Erotic Vampire Romance Author  with Siren,  Evernight, Ellora's Cave and Mystic Lotus Publishing.
 Her current series includes Ambrose Heights Vampires, My Naughty Vampire, Vampire Architects and Seasons of the Vampire.

Born and raised on the Hawaiian island of Oahu, Maya could be seen at her favorite beach, Lanikai, performing with an all-girl band where she played keyboards, guitar and provided vocals, working as editor in her high school's yearbook  and volunteering her time at a humane society through UH of Manoa civic groups.
 In 2006, Maya relocated to Colorado. Her crystal blue oceans, waterfalls and eighty degree year-round weather were traded for four season weather, enchanting forests and majestic mountains that led to her rekindled love for vampires.
In winter of 2010, she penned her first manuscript and by 2011, Flesh Fantasy was under contract and released by Siren Publishing. To date, Maya has published  _Flesh Fantasy, Veil of Seduction, Blood of Luna, Dark Companion_, Fire and Ice and Crimson Snow.
In 2014, she banded with other Colorado romance authors to form the group, Mile High Muses, in which Maya serves as "The Vamp". Catch her Forbidden Fruit Friday blog and guests she hosts on Sultry Saturdays.
Not only does Maya have theatrical book trailers that bring her vampires to life, all of her vampires were featured in Singer/Songwriter Jill Cohn'smusic video "Blessing Moon".

Maya's books can be found at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, iTunes, All Romance eBooks, Bookstrand, Smashwords, Createspace and more.

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What the critics are saying...

"...I absolutely loved Ms. DeLeina's new universe. I finished reading, craving more. My mind reeled and my body yearned for the tantalizing pleasures in Flesh Fantasy. My only negative comment about the story is that there wasn't another book...yet. Read Flesh Fantasy and be transported into a fantasy world of erotic sex, deceiving plots and laugh out loud humor. This book does not disappoint!" -- MOONFLOWER, _WHIPPED CREAM REVIEWS_

"...I must say that Ms. Maya DeLeina knows how to hold your attention and I will gladly wait for her next release… and the next book from this series. It deserves 4.5 stars." -- DOLCE AMOUR, _BOOKED UP REVIEWS_

"...This is my first book by Ms. DeLeina but it won’t be my last. The well written storyline and romance in the love story made me want more... I would recommend this book to anyone who likes a paranormal novel with a little twist. If you like action, love, and lots of hot action, this is the book for you." -- TINA, _TWO LIPS REVIEW_

"...All in all, Maya DeLeina deftly weaves humour, hot loving with some hidden horrors all wrapped up in one erotic, lusty bite. The stage is set. The game begins. And the stakes are higher than ever at Ambrose Heights. A book to get your teeth into before the sun comes up." -- SASSY BRIT, _ALTERNATIVE READS_

"I found that the characters were simply marvelous; the story was intricate and complex; and the world building was exceptional and inventive. I found myself lost in the tale. I was up until 5 am and had to force myself to go to bed, but lay awake just thinking about the story." --Molly, CBLS

"Readers get ready for a delicious, super sexy and dramatic read. Ms. Deleina does a great job blending the preternatural with the everyday human world we’re used to." -- T.S. Peters, JERR

"This author is a woman who knows how to write a creative steamy-hot love scene, I mean whoa!" -- Jet, BD Reviews

Maya's Vampires featured in Jill Cohn's Music Video

Maya's "The Vamp" at Mile High Muses

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Catch her weekly Forbidden Fruit Friday blog

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Find Maya at

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Romance Novel Center

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Vampire Romance Books

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Evernight Publishing

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Heartfelt Promotions

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Mile High Muses

question: What does the text say about Maya DeLeina's upbringing?

answer: She was born and raised on the Hawaiian island of Oahu. She attended high school. She is an accomplished singer, songwriter, and author. Now she performs with an all-girl band and has published over seven books.

critique: The response is incorrect and does not reflect Maya DeLeina's upbringing.

critique: Remove confusing sentence beginning "now" from the list because it doesn't help answer the question of what Maya's sideline careers are.

critique: The question is not asking about her career, but about her upbringing.

text: It's omitted that Maya could be seen performing at her favorite beach in an all-girl band where she played keyboards, guitar and provided vocals


split: train

text:
Ciem was the youngest of 18 brothers, and of them all he alone was afflicted with a curiosity. His kin would while away the hours telling stories of biscuits and leathers and how no rain fell on Tuesdays and how the warm earth bore the sweetest millet.   But this was not enough for young Ciem so when he was done burnishing the family pelican on the 12th day of Fluon he gathered his hard earned coins from his little hiding place by bricks beneath the spring and he headed east toward The Far Lands.

"There would be naught but apples there" yelled Coyo,his bretheren, who called out from a sap loft nearby. And an old eyeless man who sat bent upon a well worn stone said the same, he who had once traversed the Mountain of Tarann and beheld the nameless horrors that lived beneath the cruat of the earth on that nightmarish plateau. But Ciem trudged onward.   And by a fork in the road on the tenth day the last of the ash forest gave way to desert and scrub. And polished stone was traded for red lime, and squirrels of the trees became squirrels of the ground and burrow. And the remnent of The West Wind yielded to the sand.

No man wandered the desert road save Ciem, and he cast his coins into the barren lands for no use were they, and all hope faded of The Far Lands. And by a lone acacia Ciem sat, and all of the millet bread had been pilfered by mice who had raised litters of young in his sweaty knapsack. And hunger set in.   The feast of Mice did sustain Cien for a further 2 cycles and a long night trek took him to the Garden of The Tower and Gnab, and by a watering hole Cien fell to his knees spent of vitality. And by The Garden of The Tower of Gnab lay The Tower of Gnab.   And within the Tower of Gnab squatted an old Fakir who gazed on young Cien as he drank from the Well of The Garden of The Tower of Gnab. And the Fakir did quiz the adventurer on his intended destination. And when the Fakir learned of his path he too warned that naught but apples would await in The Far Lands.

So it soon became apparant that The Far Lands were indeed far away,and yet the bold brave nitwit meandered through crag and dune, never yielding, and despite the firey sun that burned and bleached all that dwelt there Cien finally reached The Mountain of Tarann. And there a thousand caves stood like tombs, each filled with a lost soul, a faint wail could one hear when the new wind of the north came down the mountainside,and it did carry the sound out to the very ocean where snapping cockles awoke from endless dreams? And the quahogs burrowed deeper into the mire of a civilisation lost and decayed in salty oblivion.

On the day of The Feast of Gnub weary husbands and forlorn wives feom the stone city of Hueryaran would guide their intoxicated spouses from the festival of Gnub to the tombs of Tarann and there they would brick in and seal away their significant others behind walls of stone, and there they would stay and fade away as an offering of the mountain. And Cien was taken aback by the wailing that echoed in the vally below and seemed to shake those withered trees that clung to the bare rock.

It should be said that in the lea of the Mountain of Tarann no man or beast had need of seeing eyes, for the land was dark, so tall were the peaks that blocked the lazy red sun and outcast moons. And thoae creatures that roamed the steppeland were skulling things, toothed and with strange fleshy organs upon their faces where the seeing eye would be.

And by a shrine on a winding mountain path Cien, a wispy beard now clinging to a withered sand blown heat scorched face, fumbled and clung to the mountain like a babe clings to the nursemaid.  And while all that could be smelt on the whirling winds was apple he continued his journey as determined as the day he set foot on the gravel path to The Far Lands so many seasons ago.

End of part 1 -To be continued

title: Naught but Apples

question: What does the story say about Ciem's family?

answer: Ciem was the youngest of 18 brothers. Only he alone showed interest in being curious. His father would often tell stories while they all gathered by the fireplace. He was described as the most curious of all the siblings.

critique: The answer should mention that Ciem's family is uninterested in the world around them.

critique: The response contains inaccurate information.

critique: The answer should mention that his family discouraged his curiosity.

critique: The response should include that Ciem's family was uninterested in his curiosity.

critique: He's not described as the most curious of all the siblings, he's described as the only one who was curious.

critique:
- This sentence is redundant.
- Let's also remove the idea of telling stories by the fireplace as it doesn't directly help with this question.

critique: The response includes extraneous information not useful for the task.

critique: The response misses to mention that his father would tell stories while they all gathered by the fireplace.

question: What does the story say about The Far Lands?

answer: The Far Lands are a place where there would be nothing but apples. The Far Lands are far away, and Ciem's family tells him that there's nothing there. When he gets there, he still doesn't find anything, but he keeps going.

critique: The response misses to mention that Ciem's family warns him that there's nothing there.

critique: The response should include that Ciem is the only one who goes to The Far Lands.

critique: "The Far Lands are far away, and Ciem's family tells him that there's nothing there." - this is redundant and should be removed.

critique: The response should include that the Far Lands are a place of mystery.

critique: The response misses to mention that Ciem's family tells him that there's nothing there because they have never been there.

critique: "Ciem's family tells him that there's nothing there." - this is inaccurate. Ciem's family and other people he meets along the way warn him about the Far Lands, but no one actually tells him there's nothing there.

critique: The response misses to mention that the Far Lands are a place where there would be nothing but apples.

question: Summarize Ciem's main goal.

answer: Ciem's main goal is to find The Far Lands, a place with naught but apples.

critique: "Ciem's main goal is to find The Far Lands, a place with naught but apples." - the answer is incomplete. Ciem's goal was to find The Far Lands, a place with naught but apples.

critique: There is no evidence to suggest that there is already naught but apples in The Far Lands, as was stated several times by the old men to dissuade Ciem from reaching his destination.

critique: Ciem wants to find The Far Lands and see it for himself. He doesn't necessarily want to find anything beyond that.

critique: The answer should mention that he is driven by curiosity.

critique: The answer could be more specific about what The Far Lands is.

critique: The answer could be more specific about what The Far Lands are.

critique: The answer should mention that Ciem is the youngest of 18 brothers.

text: While Ciem's brother does say that the Far Lands are a place with nothing but apples, it was a hyperbolic and metaphoric statement. It should either be left out of the response, or the response should clarify that this is not an absolute statement about the Far Lands.

category: accuracy

question: What does the text say about Ciem's romantic interest?

answer: No answer

critique: The question is asking for information that is not in the text.

critique: The answer should include that the story is dwarven, not a love story.

critique: The text doesn't mention anything about Ciem's romantic interests.


text:
SALLY PAYNE (September 5, 1912 – May 8, 1999) was an American actress. She featured in several B-Westerns in the 1940s.

Career

Payne worked as a model for artists before making her first film, _Hollywood Hobbies_ (1935), where she appeared in the bit part of a tourist. She became a leading actress in B films, usually westerns. She also played in comedy shorts for RKO Radio Pictures and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. She is most remembered for her performance as Calamity Jane in the Roy Rogers western _Young Bill Hickok_ (1940), as well as acting the role of Belle Starr in _Robin Hood of the Pecos_ (1941), where her performing style echoed that of a contemporary, Una Merkel.[1] Just before her association with Rogers ended, her status had enlarged from a supporting-role character to that of first-billed actress.

Payne's characters were usually the tomboy type, often helping men rather than being dependent on them. She frequently wore men's clothing, carried a weapon, drove stagecoaches and rode horses. Her male associates identified strongly with her ability to survive a rough environment like the Old West frontier, but she was never the object of male fantasies. [2]Rarely did Payne's characters become physically intimate with her masculine counterparts; thus if she were called on to display affection of any sort, the relationships never went beyond the strictly platonic. Thus, her persona was that of a female sidekick, but never a lover.

At one point in her career, when a studio told Payne to undergo a rhinoplasty, reporters interviewed her at Cedars of Lebanon Hospital, where she told them, “I've always found it a pretty good nose, but if they want to change it, I guess I'll let 'em do it. Things are that way in Hollywood.”[3]

Later years

After Payne left acting, she ran her own book store[4] and worked as an artist, creating oil paintings for her family and her friends and illustrating a series of children's books.[5]

Personal life

Payne retired from films in 1942 after her marriage to Arthur F. Kelly, an executive for Western Airlines.[6]She had previously been married to William Telaak, a marriage that ended in divorce in 1941.[7]

Death

On May 8, 1999, Payne died in Los Angeles[8] of a stroke at the age of 86.

Partial filmography

-   _The Big Show_ (1936) - Toodles Brown
-   _Exiled to Shanghai_ (1937) - Mabel
-   _The Higgins Family_ (1938) - Lizzie
-   _The Man from Music Mountain_ (1938) - Patsy
-   _Blondie Meets the Boss_ (1939) - Mrs. Williams (uncredited)
-   _My Wife's Relatives_ (1939) - Lizzie
-   _When Tomorrow Comes_ (1939) - Waitress (uncredited)
-   _Blondie Brings Up Baby_ (1939) - Young Woman (uncredited)
-   _The Amazing Mr. Williams_ (1939) - Jean - Wedding Guest (uncredited)
-   _I Can't Give You Anything But Love, Baby_ (1940) - First Operator (uncredited)
-   _La Conga Nights_ (1940) - Lucy Endover
-   _When the Daltons Rode_ (1940) - Annabella
-   _I Love You Again_ (1940) - Salesgirl (uncredited)
-   _Money and the Woman_ (1940) - Mrs. Jones (uncredited)
-   _City for Conquest_ (1940) - Singer (uncredited)
-   _Young Bill Hickok_ (1940) - Miss Calamity Jane Canary
-   _One Night in the Tropics_ (1940) - Woman with Second Man Polled by Jim (uncredited)
-   _No, No, Nanette_ (1940) - Maid (uncredited)
-   _Robin Hood of the Pecos_ (1941) - Belle Starr
-   _In Old Cheyenne_ (1941) - Squeak Brown
-   _The Lady from Cheyenne_ (1941) - Chorus Girl (uncredited)
-   _Sheriff of Tombstone_ (1941) - Queenie Whittaker - aka Queenie LaTour
-   _Nevada City_ (1941) - Jo Morrison
-   _Bad Man of Deadwood_ (1941) - Princess Sally Blackstone
-   _Jesse James at Bay_ (1941) - Polly Morgan
-   _Tuxedo Junction_ (1941) - Pansy Weaver
-   _Red River Valley_ (1941) - Sally Whittaker
-   _Playmates_ (1941) - Gloria (uncredited)
-   _Man from Cheyenne_ (1942) - Sally Whittaker
-   _Romance on the Range_ (1942) - Sally
-   _Mountain Rhythm_ (1943) - Fanniebelle Weaver
-   _This Is the Life_ (1944) - Dolly (uncredited)

[1] Reid, John Howard. _Films Famous, Fanciful, Frolicsome, and Fantastic_. Lulu.com, April 2006.

[2]

[3] Cassara, Bill. _Edgar Kennedy: Master of the Slow Burn_. Bear Manor Media, 2006.

[4] Answers Biography of Sally Payne

[5]

[6] “Payne, Sally.” _Obituaries in the Performing Arts, 1999_. Ed. Harris M. Lentz, III. McFarlane & Company, Inc., 2000. p. 169.

[7]

[8]

title: Sally Payne

question: Why was Sally Payne cast in tomboy or sidekick type roles?

answer: According to the text, it might have been her physical features, but the reason isn't explicitly stated.

critique: The answer is inaccurate. The text does not say why Payne was cast in these roles.

critique: "According to the text, it might have been her physical features, but the reason isn't explicitly stated." - this is inaccurate. The text explicitly states that Payne's characters were usually the tomboy type, often helping men rather than being dependent on them. She frequently wore men's clothing, carried a weapon, drove stagecoaches and rode horses. Her male associates identified strongly with her ability to survive a rough environment like the Old West frontier, but she was never the object of male fantasies.

critique: The answer is not explicitly stated, but it is implied that it is because she was a tomboy.

critique: The response misses to mention that Payne's characters were usually the tomboy type, often helping men rather than being dependent on them. She frequently wore men's clothing, carried a weapon, drove stagecoaches and rode horses. Her male associates identified strongly with her ability to survive a rough environment like the Old West frontier, but she was never the object of male fantasies.

critique: The answer is incorrect. Payne's characters were usually the tomboy type, often helping men rather than being dependent on them. She frequently wore men's clothing, carried a weapon, drove stagecoaches and rode horses. Her male associates identified strongly with her ability to survive a rough environment like the Old West frontier, but she was never the object of male fantasies.

critique: The answer is wrong. Payne's characters were usually the tomboy type, often helping men rather than being dependent on them. She frequently wore men's clothing, carried a weapon, drove stagecoaches and rode horses. Her male associates identified strongly with her ability to survive a rough environment like the Old West frontier, but she was never the object of male fantasies.


text:
COHORS PRIMA RAETORUM (“1st Cohort of Raeti”) was a Roman auxiliary infantry regiment. It is named after the Raeti, a designation probably given to some Alpine tribes, which were part of the eponymous province Raetia et Vindelicum, later called simply Raetia. It comprised much of modern Switzerland, western Austria and Germany south of the river Danube. The Raeti originally spoke a non Indo-European language that seems related to Etruscan. However, by the time their territory was annexed by Rome under founder-emperor Augustus (16 BC), they had become largely Celtic-speaking through contact with neighbouring peoples such as the Vindelici. Finally, during the centuries of Roman rule, they became Latin speakers: their distinctive provincial _patois_ survives today in the form of the Rhaeto-Romance languages.

According to Holder, a total of 12 _Raetorum_ _cohortes_ appear to have been raised, 10 of them not later than the rule of Claudius (41-54) and 2 shortly after 70 AD.[1] But there is dispute about how many regiments survived into the 2nd century. This is due to confusion about how many regiments shared the name _I Raetorum_ because the name is attested in three provinces in roughly the same periods. It has been suggested there were as many as 3 such regiments in the 2nd century in Cappadocia, Raetia and Germania Inferior. Holder appears to follow this.[2] Spaul suggests it was a single unit, _I Raetorum equitata c.R._, being moved about frequently.[3] Here the 3-unit theory is followed. The c.R. title only appears in Germania Inferior so the unit there is denoted cohors I Raetorum equitata c.R. The unit in Cappadocia was also _equitata_, and so is denoted cohors I Raetorum equitata.[4] The unit in Raetia, the subject of this article, is denoted simply _cohors I Raetorum_ as there is no evidence it was _equitata_.

The regiment was probably raised by founder-emperor Augustus (r. 30BC-14AD) after 15 BC. It was certainly in existence by the time of Claudius (r. 41-54).[5] It first appears in the datable epigraphic record in 107, in its original home province, Raetia. It was still there in 166, the time of its last datable inscription. It is attested by an undatable tile stamp in the Roman fort at Schierenhof in Schwäbisch Gmünd (Gamundia Romana), which may have been one of its bases.[6] [7]

[1] Holder (1980) 111

[2] Holder (2003) 132-44

[3] Spaul (2000) 276-8

[4] Arrian _Acies contra Alanos_ I

[5]

[6] http://www.deutsche-limeskommission.de/index.php?id=76&L=1%2F%20%C3%83%C2%A2%C3%82%E2%82%AC%C3%82%C2%A6%2Ftools%2Fsend_reminders.php%3FnoSet%3D0

[7] Spaul (2000) 276

title: Cohors I Raetorum

question: What languages did the Raeti speak?

answer: They spoke a non Indo-European language that seems related to Etruscan. However, by the time their territory was annexed by Rome under founder-emperor Augustus (16 BC), they had become largely Celtic-speaking through contact with neighbouring peoples such as the Vindelici. Finally, during the centuries of Roman rule, they became Latin speakers.

critique: Include the information about how the language changed over time

critique: NB that this response is to the question: 'What languages did the Raeti speak'

question: How many Raetorum Cohorts were made?

answer: 12 Raetorum Cohorts were made, 10 of them not later than the rule of Claudius and 2 shortly after 70 AD.

critique: The answer is incorrect. Holder says there were 12 Raetorum cohorts, but there is dispute about how many regiments survived into the 2nd century.

critique: The answer is incorrect. Holder says there are 12 Raetorum cohorts, but it is not clear if that is the exact number.

critique: The answer is incorrect. Holder suggests the number of Raetorum Cohorts was 12.

critique: Redundant, and irrelevant [because that period is irrelevant to the question-few more regiments were raised after than before that period].

critique: The answer is incorrect. Holder suggests that there were 12 Raetorum cohorts, but there is dispute about how many regiments survived into the 2nd century.

critique: The answer is incorrect. Holder says there were 12 Raetorum cohorts, 10 of them not later than the rule of Claudius and 2 shortly after 70 AD.

critique: The question is not asking how many cohorts were made, but how many cohorts were made.

question: When was the Cohors I Raetorum raised?

answer: The Cohors I Raetorum was raised by founder-emperor Augustus after 15 BC.

critique: The answer should include the date of the regiment's last datable inscription.

question: Where was Raeti?

answer: Modern-day Switzerland, western Austria, and Germany south of the river Danube.

critique: Doesn't specify which parts of Austria and Germany

critique: The answer could be phrased as a complete sentence.


text:
PLAYED IN BRITAIN is a ten-year research project for English Heritage which seeks to record and celebrate Britain's sporting and recreational heritage, coinciding with the period from the staging of the 2002 Commonwealth Games in Manchester to the 2012 Olympics. Much of the research has been made publicly available in a series of books, also called Played in Britain, featuring historic buildings (such as grandstands, pavilions, swimming pools and billiard halls) and sportscapes (such as golf courses, racecourses, rivers and lakes). The series also looks at sporting artefacts and archaeology.

The Played in Britain research project is led by author and architectural historian Simon Inglis, best known for his books on football grounds, stadiums and football history. Simon Inglis is also the series editor of the Played in Britain books.

Background

The Played in Britain series was launched in 2004, following a pilot study conducted in Manchester in 2002 as part of English Heritage’s contribution to the cultural programme of the 2002 Commonwealth Games. It frequently cites as its inspiration the words of Joseph Strutt, author of the seminal book _The Sports and Pastimes of the People of England_, first published in 1801. Strutt wrote, “In order to form a just estimation of the character of any particular people, it is absolutely necessary to investigate the sports and pastimes most generally prevalent among them.”

Sporting heritage in Britain is expected to gain increased attention as the 2012 Olympics approach, but such attention is often dismissed as tokenism. For example, as government and lottery money was lavished on a new swimming pool in Manchester for the 2002 Commonwealth Games, a few hundred yards away one of the most important historic swimming pools in Europe, the Victoria Baths (built 1903-06) lay empty and abandoned by its owners, Manchester City Council. Some of the other threatened Victorian and Edwardian baths around Britain are in Birmingham, Nottingham, Glasgow and most recently, Ripon. More historic sports venues in London are expected to suffer as funds are increasingly diverted towards projects for the 2012 Olympics.

Research so far

Played in Britain has published studies of the sporting heritage of Manchester, Birmingham, Liverpool, Tyne and Wear, Glasgow (for Historic Scotland) and London.

The series has also featured seven thematic studies:

_Uppies and Downies_ by Hugh Hornby, on the so-called 'extraordinary football games of Britain' such as the Royal Shrovetide Football match at Ashbourne, the Kirkwall Ba Game at Christmas and New Year and the annual Haxey Hood game in Lincolnshire. Hornby is a former curator at the National Football Museum in Preston.

_Liquid Assets_ by Janet Smith, is a study of the lidos and open air swimming pools of Britain, of which there are approximately 100 left, down from a peak of around 300 in the early 1950s. The book’s foreword was written by artist Tracey Emin, herself a great fan of outdoor swimming from her youth in Margate.

_Engineering Archie_ by Simon Inglis, looks at the life and work of the Scottish football ground engineer Archibald Leitch.

_Great Lengths_ by Dr Ian Gordon and Simon Inglis, features detailed studies of 54 of Britain's historic indoor swimming pools and includes a comprehensive directory of extant baths-related buildings from 1800-1970. The foreword to _Great Lengths_ is written by double Olympic gold medallist, Rebecca Adlington.

_Played at the Pub_ by Arthur Taylor describes the wide range of pub games to be found in Britain, from darts to dwile flonking, and features long lost games such as knur and spell and nipsy.

_The British Olympics, Britain's Olympic heritage 1612-2012_ by Martin Polley, who details Britain's surprisingly long association with the Olympics.

_Bowled Over, the bowling greens of Britain_, by Hugh Hornby, on the rich history and heritage of bowling and the associated greens and pavilions of Britain.

The series has been regularly reviewed in the national press and media, but received its most surprising boost from the TV programme Richard & Judy, which featured a pocket book in the series, called _A Load of Old Balls_. Although apparently a flippant title, the book is actually about the design and manufacture of balls in sport, and the decline of the British ball manufacturing industry.

Another strand in the series is devoted to reproducing the archives of Charles Buchan’s Football Monthly, a pioneering magazine founded by Charles Buchan and first published in 1951. Five books from the archive have been published so far - _The Best of Charles Buchan's Football Monthly_, _Charles Buchan's Arsenal Gift Book_, _Charles Buchan's Manchester United Gift Book_, _Charles Buchan's Spurs Gift Book_ and _Charles Buchan's Liverpool Gift Book_.

Bibliography

-   _Played in Manchester_ by Simon Inglis
-   _Played in Birmingham_ by Steve Beauchampe and Simon Inglis
-   _Played in Liverpool_ by Ray Physick
-   _Played in Tyne and Wear_ by Lynn Pearson
-   _Played in Glasgow_ by Ged O'Brien
-   _Played in London_ by Simon Inglis
-   _A Load of Old Balls_ by Simon Inglis
-   _Uppies and Downies_ by Hugh Hornby
-   _Liquid Assets_ by Janet Smith
-   _Engineering Archie_ by Simon Inglis
-   _Great Lengths_ by Dr Ian Gordon and Simon Inglis
-   _Played at the Pub_ by Arthur Taylor
-   _The British Olympics_ by Martin Polley
-   _Bowled Over_ by Hugh Hornby
-   _The Best of Charles Buchan’s Football Monthly_
-   _Charles Buchan’s Manchester United Gift Book_
-   _Charles Buchan’s Arsenal Gift Book_
-   _Charles Buchan's Spurs Gift Book_
-   _Charles Buchan's Liverpool Gift Book_

title: Played in Britain

question: What does the text say about historical baths?

answer: In Manchester, a new swimming pool was built for the 2002 Commonwealth Games, while the Victoria Baths, built in 1903-06, lay empty and abandoned. The situation is the same in Birmingham, Nottingham, Glasgow, and Ripon.

critique: The answer should mention that the Victoria Baths are one of the most important historic swimming pools in Europe.

critique: The answer should mention that the Victoria Baths are an important historic swimming pool.

question: What does the text say about historical plumbing?

answer: In the mid-1900s, there were many different swimming pools in Britain, such as the Victoria Baths in Manchester. These are now closed to the public, while in the same city, a new swimming pool was built as part of the 2002 Commonwealth Games, receiving lavish funding. It is stated this is just one example of the British government not tending to historic but still usable sites.

critique: Lots of factual inaccuracies in this response. The author responds with "Huh, let's reframe this".

critique: The answer should mention the Victoria Baths' abandonment.

text: The response is incorrect because there is nothing in the text about historical plumbing. There should be no response.


text:
I'm an odd memory in most minds.  Like a harrowing communal conscience of migratory birds or a sea breeze that took a train to the prairies and is seen walking along the street.  I suppose I'm a sort of stationary, a figment used to paint a portrait of understanding but this is really strange since I am not at all like a brush or ladle or roller or whatever would make sense to paint something.  I've been a transient congested throat in days gone by.  I swam from seashores to deep blue waters and sailed away.  All in all I think I've had things pretty good up until now.  But right now I feel like a bag of squeezed lemons left to rot, like I've gone through a garlic press alongside the garlic, I feel like I can't even like this situation and I really wanted to like it.

Let me clarify.

I believe in god about as much as I believe in myself.  If you get to know me you'll find I don't believe in myself that much.  But if you get to know me better you'd know that I've met him.  I'm not saying him in that god is male it's just that calling him *it* seems strange and it's a default.  With that in mind it was a day just like today with me on a stage but I was in the middle of a wheat field and opera singers dressed as vikings were scattered around looking for cues, lines and presumably marbles in the dirt.  It hit me that I shouldn't be there, I was supposed to be somewhere else but I felt if I left now to I would likely be eaten or worse, stood on, read then knocked around by the vikings.

It was at this point that god pulled up in a brand new jeep made out of a thunderstorm and waved his arms in a motion that very distinctly triggered a perhaps unbelievable but entirely real sense that he was god and I should get on his thunderstorm-jeep-of-love to ride away to eternal safety and abundance.  So I hopped up onto the cloud and into the passenger seat.  He looked at me in a way only god could with eyes as deep as artesian wells, with a sort of sisyphean tenure gained only after watching over everything for ten times eternity and then started speaking with a very plain voice.

"Would you like to take the wheel?" he asked and I didn't really want to but this was sort of troubling because.... why would anyone turn down an offer from god and he said "It's alright, with the exception of your neighbor nobody has actually wanted to drive the thunderstorm the first time meeting me.  In general it is an odd question to ask, isn't it?"

I smiled politely.

Then he said "Alright here's the deal.  You get three questions answered.  Anything in the realm of conceivable knowledge of the infinity that is me.  Three of them.  Just ask whenever and I'll answer but when I answer the last one you will die."

"What!? Why?" I blurted out of shock as he looked at me.  I looked right back at those constellations within constellations within a walmart parking lot folded over into itself and back out towards the sunrise.

I smiled realizing the game was ruined and asked "Are you serious?"

Then he laughed, we drove a short while in silence and he dropped me off a block away from home still a little agitated by his interactions with my neighbor the week before.

"You can't screw this up by just asking silly off the top of your mind questions.  Here is my email address.  Send your questions there and I'll have an answer for you written out within a day or two." god said as plainly as before from inside his thunderstorm with the window rolled down while gesturing blindly in the air to make a point or sign what he was saying but it was entirely lost on me.  He could tell by my glazed look it was time to go so he simply said "Get a job" and drove off.

So now.  Slightly but not entirely glazed in circumstance I am struggling with this interaction.  I can know anything in the universe via email at the cost of my life.  I don't really have a desire to acquire knowledge or a need for something like this... so here I am a bag of lemons staring off at the sky like it is staring back in part of that endless crashing gaze of god wondering what the hell I should do with myself.  Aside from getting a job.

title: I've been writing a lot of poetry for a while but then I started reading Richard Brautigan and his stuff made me want to try short stories.  Here is my attempt at something weird and relatively short.

question: What does the story say about the location of the story?

answer: No answer

critique: The answer should mention the setting of the story.

question: What does the story say about the narrator?

answer: The narrator is a transient who has had a good life so far. They believe in God but not in themselves. They have met God and have been offered three questions answered by God at the cost of their life. The narrator is not sure what to do with this offer.

critique: The response should include that the narrator is a bag of lemons.

critique: It's omitted that the narrator is indecisive about what question to ask God about.

critique: The answer should mention the narrator's doubts about the offer.

critique: "The narrator is not sure what to do with this offer." - this is incorrect. The narrator is struggling with the offer.

critique: The narrator is a figment of God's imagination.

question: What does the story say about God?

answer: God is the narrator's neighbor. God drives a jeep made of a thunderstorm. God offers the narrator three questions answered. God says that when the narrator asks the last question, he will die. God says that the narrator can ask anything in the realm of conceivable knowledge of the infinity that is him. God also says that he will have an answer written out within a day or two.

critique: This is false. God is not the narrator's neighbor. He's the narrator's neighbor's neighbor.

critique: The answer is incorrect in almost all details.

text: "God is the narrator's neighbor." - This is incorrect. God is not the narrator's neighbor.

question: What does the story say about God's deal with the narrator?

answer: The narrator was walking along the street when God turned up and asked if he wanted to drive his thunderstorm-jeep-of-love away to eternal safety and abundance. The narrator got on and was asked by God if he wanted to take the wheel. God said he would answer any three questions asked, but when the narrator asks the last one, he/she would die. The narrator asked why, and God said he could ask any question and he would have an answer for him/her within two days, or God would have an answer for him/her within two days.

critique: The third part of the response is unsalvageable, so go ahead and rewrite it correctly.

critique: The answer is a summary of the story, not a description of the deal.

text: The first two sentences and the last sentence are irrelevant and should be removed.

category: coherence


text:
Teen smoking typically becomes a lifelong habit. Here’s how to encourage a kid to stop.

MOST SMOKERS FIRST PICK UP THE HABIT AS TEENAGERS. According to Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids, the most common time for people to first try cigarettes are ages 11 to 13. Nearly 15 percent of kids report that they had tried smoking by the end of eighth grade.

If your teen is smoking, you’ll probably smell cigarettes on them, their clothes and possessions, and not just when they’ve been around friends who smoke.

If your child is vaping – using electronic cigarettes rather than tobacco ones – you probably won’t be able to smell the e-cigs on your teen’s breath unless they’re using flavored vapes. So be aware that a lack of tobacco-smoke smell doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not using nicotine products. (As of Aug. 8, 2016, it became illegal to sell e-cigarettes, cigars and hookah tobacco to people under the age of 18, but just as teenagers have often been able to get their hands on traditional cigarettes, they’ll likely find ways to keep buying e-cigs, or “vapes,” too.)

Teen smoking may not start out as a heavy habit, but kids are likely to increase their smoking habit over time, because the nicotine in the cigarettes is addicting.

You can’t _make_ anyone quit smoking; your teen has to decide on his own to take this step. But there are ways to nudge your child toward this decision. Try these tactics to encourage your teen to quit cigarettes:

Don’t smoke

Kids learn from their parents’ examples, and they’re far less likely to smoke growing up in a smoke-free home. But if you smoke, and now your teen does, too — it’s time to quit your own habit. You’ll have zero credibility telling your kid to quit if you’re still puffing away.

Collect a gang of role models

Teens notoriously tune out words of wisdom from their parents. If urging your child to quit smoking is having no effect – or possibly the opposite effect – maybe she’ll listen to a grandparent or another respected relative (or neighbor, teacher, coach, pastor, etc.) who stopped smoking, and who can talk with credibility about hazards of teen smoking and the benefits of quitting.

Also, have your child’s pediatrician or primary care doctor talk to your teen about smoking and suggest ways to quit.

Tennessee parents, call the TNQuitlinE

Free smoking-cessation service, 1-800-QUIT-NOW, will work with teens, with parental consent, offering counseling to help them quit cigarettes or any other type of tobacco or nicotine use (such as chewing tobacco or e-cigarettes). It’s best if parent and teen make the first call to the Quitline together, because the counselor will need parental consent for teens younger than 18, and will also need the parent’s health insurance information. The counselor will also have questions for the teen about the cigarette habit. Also, although the Quitline provides some free nicotine replacement products to its adult clients, it cannot provide them to people under 18 without medical clearance from the teen’s pediatrician.

After that first call to the Quitline, program the Quitline number into the “favorites” list on your kid’s cellphone.

Studies show that getting advice from resources such as Quitline do help teens quit, said Hilary Tindle, M.D., an associate professor in medicine, physician, and founding director of the Vanderbilt Center for Tobacco, Addictions and Lifestyle.

If your teen resists calling the Quitline, trying to coerce him or her into keeping appointments with a counselor probably won’t go well. But the service does offer a free downloadable “QuitKit” parents can download and print to share with their child.

Arm your teen with tech tools

There’s not enough evidence that nicotine replacement and medications designed to help people quit smoking are suitable for teens. Prescriptions are not typically given for people under the age of 18 — but ask your pediatrician about your child’s circumstances anyway. Without nicotine replacement tools (the patch, nicotine gum and others), your teen will need different support tools. Take advantage of teens’ love of technology. Recommend these tech tools, which are designed to help people quit smoking:

-   The iPhone app, quitSTART, provides messages and information, building teens’ confidence that they can quit.
-   SmokefreeTXT is a free texting service designed to provide motivation and encouragement 24/7.
-   Smokefreeteen is a website with interactive tools to help teens sort out their values and reasons behind their decisions. It specifically promises not to tell teens what to do but rather “to help you understand the decisions you make — especially the decision to quit smoking — and how those decisions fit into your life.”

Subscribe to our newsletter to receive updates, and our free, downloadable booklet of healthy family recipes.

question: Why is it so important to stop teenagers from smoking?

answer: Because when teenagers first start smoking, it is most likely a lifelong habit. They will be a smoker for the rest of their life, introducing the poison of nicotine into their body.

critique: The answer should mention the health risks of smoking.

critique: It is not clear that the teenager will become the lifelong smoker. Instead the answer should emphasize how it will affect the teen's body.

critique: The answer could be clearer in its pronoun use.

critique: It's omitted that smoking can also cause health problems.

text: "The poison of nicotine" is an odd word formation

question: How can you make your teenager stop smoking?

answer: You can't, but you can encourage them to make them want to. Recommend iPhone apps that help people quit smoking and get them to talk to a smoking cessation service that helps teenagers.

critique: The answer omits the importance of parents not smoking.

critique: The answer should mention the importance of role models.

critique: The article does not say that you cannot make your teen stop smoking, but that you can't make them want to.

critique: The answer omits the importance of smoking cessation service.

critique: This is too redundant to be used as an answer.

question: How can you tell if your child is smoking?

answer: They won't smell the odor of smoke on their breath, but they will have traces of smoke on their clothes and possessions. Kids who vape or use e-cigarettes won't have any smells.

critique: The answer should mention that the smell of smoke on the breath is a sign of tobacco use.

critique: The answer should include that you should be able to smell cigarettes on your child's breath.

critique: The answer should mention that the smell of smoke on their breath is a sign.

critique: The answer could include the mention of first-hand experience with the child being caught.

critique: The answer should mention that the smell of smoke on their breath is a sign that they are smoking.

critique: The answer should mention that the smell of smoke is not the only indicator.

question: Why do teenagers take up smoking?

answer: No answer

critique: The question is answered in the article, which should be quoted.

critique: This response does not answer the question, but information can be acquired from the passage for the correct response.


text:
We've been inundated in recent weeks on social media with the hastag #NewYearNewMe, but we can't help but think that this is a bit drastic - so we've decided to focus on improving what we've already got - be it ourselves or our homes. So many of us choose this time of year to revitalise and start a-fresh, giving-up our vices for a month, 12 months or a lifetime, in pursuit of a healthier, more energetic lifestyle.  Some of our resolutions include the usuals of drinking more water, cleansing every night and, of course, completely implementing Deliciously Ella's latest tome - finally spiralizing any item of veg that comes our way.

When in doubt about our own well-being, we always ask our favourite nutrition & juicing expert, the gorgeous Coral - co-founder of 42Juice in Brighton & Hove. Coral's love for nutrition started when she fell ill with meningitis in 2006 when her quick recovery was helped by eating a macrobiotic diet, which she would prepare with her father daily. Coral went on to study nutrition and weight management, personal training, and travel to India to train in Ashtanga Yoga and Ayurveda.

[The French Bedroom Company Blog, New Year Detox: For your & your home with Coral of 42 Juice Brighton]

Co-Founders of 42 JuiceCoral & Natalie; 42Juice Hove.

We asked Coral for her Top 3 tips when considering a detox:

1.  _"Always try to start a detox when you know that your social calendar is pretty free. Doing a juice cleanse can be pretty testing for your willpower as it is, even without putting temptation right in front of you by going out for dinners or drinks - you don't want to have to feel awkward by having to say 'no' all the time either, so try scheduling a cleanse when you don't have much planned and keep life simple._
2.  _Try to cut out things like caffeine, sugar, meat, alcohol and processed food about a week before starting a juice cleanse. This way your body will have time to slowly detox from things that can give you pretty grim withdrawal symptoms when coming off them. Cutting out solid food can be challenging enough without having to go cold turkey from coffee too!_
3.  _Emptying your fridge of food is always a good idea when embarking on a juice detox, so nothing is likely to lead you to temptation!"_

If we were to brave a full 3-5 day juice cleanse, what can we expect?

"_The first few days of a detox can be tough so be prepared for a roller-coaster, you may be one of the lucky ones who find it really easy right from the start. If you do struggle initially though, always hang in there... If you can manage 3-5 days then after the initial 3 days you genuinely start to feel as light as a feather and on cloud 9! Brain fog tends to fade and you can have so much more clarity and energy. Your taste buds start to change too! So you don't crave the same things that you might have done before, it's like pressing reset. Doing an organic juice fast can be a great way to start off a healthy eating regime as you will often only want to put healthy foods back in your body. It's like after getting  your car cleaned - you wouldn't want to then throw loads of rubbish and mud all inside it would you?!"_ No we wouldn't!!

We can't help but think that this is the perfect time to apply the same concept to our homes, ridding our interiors of the toxins which have stayed in our lives out of either lack of inspiration or familiarity. Maybe a splash of new colour or a refreshing white wash; a furniture re-jig to breathe new purpose into a room or sometimes just the addition of a throw in a contrasting colour or texture can make an armchair, sofa or bed feel refreshed; new bed linen not only freshens up a look and helps transform a whole room, but will give you that much sought after wonderful "new bed linen" feel, which is one up from our favourite "clean bed linen" feeling at the end of the day; the addition of a floor lamp to give a new glow to a room and different dynamic to a forgotten corner.

This fab room in our showroom was born out of the need for a bit of rejuvenation at The FBC - it would have been very comfortable for us to place these lovely items against a black backdrop for a dramatic look or a white wall for a monochromatic vibe, instead, we decided to shake things up a bit, look into what trends we loved and then, paint! We love the way the pop of colour helps the gold colours really standout and at the same time compliments the monochromatic accessories. Adding a touch of greenery with a living plant will not only help with cleaning your rooms air, but it will add that freshness we all need at this time of year.

For more on 42Juice head over to their beautiful website HERE, or pop into one of their stunning juice bars (full of interiors inspiration as well as healthy goodness) & receive 10% off cleanse packages throughout January with code CLEAN16.. let us know how you get on!

question: What is the general principle of a juice detox, and how is it done best?

answer: The general principle is to cut out solid food for a period of time. The best way to do this is to cut out things like caffeine, sugar, meat, alcohol, and processed food a week before starting a juice cleanse.

critique: It should be mentioned that the effect of being on a juice diet that second part, where the body starts to detox, is dramatic and the brain fog fades. "The first few days of a detox can be tough, but hang in there. After initially three days, the brain fog tends to fade and you can have increased clarity and energy."

critique: The answer omits that the best way to do a juice detox is to start when your social calendar is free.

critique: The answer omits the first step of a juice detox, which is to start when your social calendar is free.

critique: The answer should also mention the importance of emptying one's fridge.

critique: The answer should mention that the juice cleanse is done to detox the body.

critique: The answer omits the first step of the detox, which is to schedule a cleanse when your social calendar is free.

question: What does the article say about how a juice detox fits into general dieting?

answer: No answer

critique: The article does talk about how a juice detox fits into general dieting.

critique: The answer can't be found in the article.

critique: The answer should be a complete sentence.

critique: The response misses to provide an accurate answer to the instruction in the task.

critique: The article does mention that a juice detox is a great way to start a healthy eating regime.


text:
SHICK SHACK (c. 1727 – c. 1835) was a 19th-century Potawatomi chieftain and leader of a band of the Illinois River Potawatomi. He was also involved in several conflicts during the Indian Wars, particularly during the Peoria and the Black Hawk Wars. He is best known, however, for providing the tribal history of Potawatomi and Kickapoo in Illinois prior to and during the early settlement of the region during the 18th and early 19th century. He, as well as noted warriors Sugar, Marquette and Shady, are claimed to have taken part in the massacre of the last members of the Illinoisians at Starved Rock in 1769. One of the highest hills in Illinois, Shick Shack Hill (or SHICK-SHACK'S NOB) in Cass County, Illinois bears his name as does Shick Shack Sand Pond Nature Preserve Cass County, Illinois .

Biography

As a chieftain living on the Illinois River, he took part in the Peoria War and was one of thirteen chieftains selected to represent the confederacy a peace delegation to St. Louis, Missouri. Under the escort of George Davenport, the chieftains arrived in St. Louis in late-December 1813 where a peace treaty was concluded shortly thereafter. Among those in attendance at the signing of the peace treaty included Black Partridge, Senachwine, Comas, Crow and Gomo.[1][2]

He and his band, numbering forty men not including women and children, moved north in 1827 using the Indian Trail Farm of Wethersfield Township to travel to Prophetstown and then to the Wisconsin hill country; this is the last recorded use of Native Americans to use the old Indian trial.[3]

During the previous winter of 1830-31, he and his tribe were camped at an old hunting ground near Pike Creek. He and members of his tribe were hunting dear when they encountered Daniel Dimmick, a settler for whom Dimmick's Grove is named, and related a story of an Ottawa hunting party which had been attacked a group of Illinoisians many years ago. Many of them were killed and their war chieftain Chief Pontiac was wounded. A state of war lasted between the two tribes before the last of the Illinoisians were killed at Starved Rock during the 1760s.[4][5]

Among the major battles fought along the Illinois River, he recounted a battle fought at Terre Haute, Indiana between him and a rival chieftain, a Chief Sugar. Shick Shack led a force of 300 warriors against him and, although the number of Sugar's army is unknown, only 12 braves (seven Kickapoo/Potatomi and five Miami) [6] survived after a nearly 14-hour battle. Another account claims he was only one of several war chiefs present at the battle between the Potawatomi and Kickapoo against the Miami, placed in what is now Shades State Park during September 1775, and was one of the survivors.[7] Author and historian Nehemiah Matson, claimed that the battle was thought to be the same conflict of the Biblical hosts Abner and Joab which occurred at the Pool of Gibeon and the numbers of the combatants increased from twelve to three hundred to correspond with the legend.[8]

In February 1832, he and Senachwine attended a war council held between the Potawatomi, Winnebago, Sauk and Fox at Indiantown, a major Potawatomi settlement on the Illinois.[9][10] He may have remained to the area during the Black Hawk War and is possibly the same chieftain to have been involved in the capture of Black Hawk following his defeat at the Battle of Bad Axe. In 1832, he was sighted at Dixon's Ferry where he was friendly with the local residents and visited some of his old friends who had been stationed at the post.[11] He reportedly died some years later and buried near Chandlerville, Illinois,[12] one of them few Potawatomi chieftains to be buried near their native villages.[13]

On September 16, 1873, local towns in LaSalle County, Illinois held a celebration making the two hundred year anniversary of the discovery of Starved Rock. Among those honored were its discoverers, the French explorers Louis Joliet and Jacques Marquette, as well as Shick Shack whose story to Daniel Dimmick was retold in a speech entitled _“A Legend of Starved Rock”_ by Perry Armstrong, a noted author of the Black Hawk War and to whom the story was told to him by Shick Shack when he was 9 years old. Armstrong's speech received extensive press coverage and achieved some minor notoriety in its time.[14][15]

[1] Matson, Nehemiah. _Pioneers of Illinois: Containing a Series of Sketches Relating to Events that Occurred Previous to 1813_. Chicago: Knight & Leonard Printers, 1882. (pg. 291)

[2] Matson, Nehemiah, Matson. _French and Indians of Illinois River_. Princeton, Illinois: Republican Job Printing Establishment, 1874. (pg. 248)

[3] Craig, Frank H. _Genealogy of the Fellows-Craig and Allied Families from 1619 to 1919_. Kewanee, Illinois: Kewanee Printing & Publishing Co., 1919. (pg. 54)

[4] Matson, Nehemiah, Matson. _French and Indians of Illinois River_. Princeton, Illinois: Republican Job Printing Establishment, 1874. (pg. 148)

[5] Matson, Nehemiah. _Pioneers of Illinois: Containing a Series of Sketches Relating to Events that Occurred Previous to 1813_. Chicago: Knight & Leonard Printers, 1882. (pg. 146)

[6] Osman, Eaton Goodell. _The Last of a Great Indian Tribe: A Chapter of Colonial History_. Chicago: A Flanagan, 1923. (pg. 190)

[7] Zach, Karen Bazzani. _Crawfordsville, Athens of Indiana_. Charleston, South Carolina: Arcadia Publishing, 2003. (pg. 19)

[8] Matson, Nehemiah, Matson. _French and Indians of Illinois River_. Princeton, Illinois: Republican Job Printing Establishment, 1874. (pg. 157-158)

[9] Wood, Norman B. _Lives of Famous Indian Chiefs, from Cofachiqui, the Indian Princess, and Powhatan; Down To and Including Chief Joseph and Geronimo_. Aurora, Illinois: American Indian Historical Publishing Company, 1906. (pg. 146)

[10] Matson, Nehemiah. _Memories of Shaubena: With Incidents Relating to the Early Settlement of the West_. Chicago: D.B. Cooke & Co., 1878. (pg. 92)

[11] Hodge, Frederick Webb, ed. _Handbook of American Indians North of Mexico_. St. Clair Shores, Michigan: Scholarly Press, 1968. (pg. 546)

[12] Masters, Edgar Lee. _Illinois Poems_. Prairie City, Illinois: James A. Decker, 1941. (pg. 31-32)

[13] Watson, Nehemiah, Watson. _French and Indians of Illinois River_. Princeton, Illinois: Republican Job Printing Establishment, 1874. (pg. 261)

[14] Bielski, Ursula. _More Chicago Haunts: Scenes from Myth and Memory_. Chicago: Lake Claremont Press, 2000. (pg. 115)

[15] https://archive.org/details/pioneersofillino00mat

title: Shick Shack

question: Summarize everything relating to Shick Shack and Chief Sugar.

answer: Shick Shack and Chief Sugar were rival chieftains. They fought a major battle at Terre Haute, Indiana. Shick Shack led a force of 300 warriors against him and only 12 braves survived.

critique: The response does not mention that Shick Shack was one of several war chiefs present at the battle between the Potawatomi and Kickapoo against the Miami.

critique: It is omitted that it is thought that the battle is the same conflict between Abner and Joab at the Pool of Gibeon that lasted for three hundred combatants.

question: What does the text say about Shick Shack's death and legacy?

answer: Shick Shack's death was not recorded, and it is not known where he was buried. He was one of few Native American chiefs to be buried near their native villages. His story was recorded in the speeches and writings of Perry Armstrong, and the author, who visited Armstrong and learned the story as he was 9 years old. Armstrong's speech, "A Legend of Starved Rock," achieved some notoriety, and it was reprinted in the newspaper several times. His legacy was to take part in several conflicts during the Indian Wars, particularly during the Peoria and the Black Hawk Wars. The place called Shick Shack Hill in Cass County, Illinois, in Chieftain Shick Shack, bears his name, as does the Shick Shack Sand Pond Nature Preserve.

critique: "His story was recorded in the speeches and writings of Perry Armstrong, and the author, who visited Armstrong and learned the story as he was 9 years old." - this is irrelevant and should be removed.

critique: The response includes extraneous information not useful for the task.

critique: The response inaccurately mentions that Armstrong's speech recounted the story told to him by Shick Shack when he was 9yrs old. It was in fact the story of Daniel Dimmick that was recorded in his speech.

critique: The answer should mention at least one of the conflicts mentioned in the text.

question: Summarize everything that happened in 1832.

answer: In February 1832, Shick Shack and Senachwine attended a war council held between the Potawatomi, Winnebago, Sauk and Fox at Indiantown. He may have remained to the area during the Black Hawk War and is possibly the same chieftain to have been involved in the capture of Black Hawk following his defeat at the Battle of Bad Axe. In 1832, he was sighted at Dixon's Ferry where he was friendly with the local residents and visited some of his old friends who had been stationed at the post.

critique: The answer should mention the war council.

critique: The response includes extraneous information not useful for the task.

question: What does the text say about Shick Shack's family?

answer: No answer

critique: The answer should include the fact that Shick Shack was a chieftain.

critique: There is no information about Shick Shack's family.

critique: The answer should mention that the text does not mention anything about Shick Shack's family.

critique: The answer should mention that Shick Shack's family is not mentioned in the text.

critique: There is no direct information about Shick Shack's family, but it can be assumed that he had a family.

critique: This response is incorrect and needs to be re-written.


text:
There lives a tale of a mysterious forest that has yet to be fully explored or even discovered. It is only echoed in rumors spread by newer journalists trying to get a start at their career or some conspiracy theorists just trying to spread what they think is true around the internet. The only thing about it is that each and every report is different. One says that the forest has a demon inside it. Others say that it's just a normal old forest. And yet more say that the beasts inside are well fed by a resident witch that they devour all that walk in. All theories farfetched, all theories more than likely false or just rips from other horror movies that have scarred the writer's childhood. There are a few constants in the stories though. One of them being that nobody knows the precise location of the forest, and that is likely due to the other notable constant: nobody who has walked in the forest has walked back out.

Unfortunate for a little group of Boy Scouts that planned their adventures to a nearby forest that had always intrigued the small, but growing troop. They never stood a chance or even could know about the doom that they had just put themselves to...

The little campout adventure just simply contained seven bodies. Five boys and two adult leaders. They decided to take a weeend backpacking trip into the forest and camp out at a clearing that satellite images on Google had shown. They'd spend the entire Saturday there, then return on Sunday. The group of boys consisted of the Patrol leader, Nick Tepp. He was the crazy guy that had the idea in the first place. He was pretty fit and an all around good organizer. He's the son of the lead Scoutmaster, Michael Tepp. Mike was all about reading into survival books and literature, and had his favorite shows about that subject. The only problem is that that's all he ever did. He never had tried surviving out in the wild before.

The second of five kids was the assistant Patrol Leader, Greg Schaeffer. He was a scrawny kid and wore giant glasses and was significantly younger than the rest of the boys. He had a quick sense of humor and was very intelligent, however, which is what he had rode on to get his position. The third was the Quartermaster and Chef, Owen White. He was a plump boy who was on his last year of being a scout and had set his sights on a top college in the state. He had stopped caring about scouts a long while ago, but the new campout had piqued his interest and he decided to tag along for the ride and see how it went.

The fourth and fifth were brothers. The older one was Jack Klepton. He had been known to be a class clown and generally a ne'er-do-well. He had always slacked off in school, but promises of adventure always brought a sparkle in his eye and a determined smile like he could take on the world. The younger one, Keith, was the opposite end. He was studious and anti-social. He hated scouts and hated nature. The only reason why he had come was because his father, another one of the scout masters, had forced him on the trip, believing to give his sons a litt bit of fresh air. Kevin Klepton was a lot more fit than Mike, but shared his older son's stubborn state of mind and was much more daring, despite the white hairs starting to cover his head.... Or at least what little bit of his head that can grow hair.

They had left to go into the forest with High hopes and full stomachs, laughing and taking a quick pace for the trail, yet had no idea what was to become of them and that none would return to see thier families and friends.

title: [First] The Forest introduction! I decided to put out an intro to a story I've wanted to write and would enjoy feedback. Maybe I can follow through with the rest of the story if it gets good reviews. Sorry for long post.

question: What are the names and attributes of the dead Boy Scout troupe?

answer:
Nick Tepp, son of the Scoutmaster, Michael Tepp. Nick is fit and an all-around good organizer. He's the Patrol Leader.
Greg Schaeffer, assistant Patrol Leader. He's a scrawny kid and wears giant glasses. He's intelligent.
Owen White, Quartermaster and Chef. He's a plump boy who's on his last year of being a scout.

Jack Klepton, older brother. He's a class clown and generally a ne'er-do-well. He's adventurous.
Keith Klepton, younger brother. He's studious and anti-social. He hates scouts and hates nature. He's forced to come on the trip by his father.

critique: The answer should mention the names of the adult leaders.

critique: "He's intelligent." - is redundant and should be deleted.

critique: The answer can be written in a single sentence.

critique: Keith Klepton is omitted, and a typo for Jack's last name is corrected.

critique: The answer should mention that the Kleptons are Scoutmasters.

critique: The names of the Klepton brothers are not necessary to answer the question.

question: What happened to the Boy Scout troupe?

answer: They entered the forest and never returned.

critique: The answer should mention the theories about what happened to them.

critique: They don't enter the forest; they enter the forest and never return.

critique: "They" is vague and doesn't really imply anything.

critique: The answer doesn't mention what happened to them.

critique: The answer could be phrased as a complete sentence.

critique: The answer should mention the theories about the forest.


text:
There was a glitter in her eyes.  Whether it was the tumult of emotions and attraction in those emerald oceans or the calculated, callous expression of a mercenary succubus, it made no difference to Mark.  This is because Mark was smitten.  It had been weeks—enough weeks to start counting them as months—since he had kissed a girl.  Longer, still, if he went as far back as to think of his last bedroom encounter.

Encounter, however, is the apt word as his last time was with a prostitute.  Consumed by the specific loneliness of lying on a never-christened mattress while watching glowing snowflakes through a frosted window, Mark willed his pencil legs out of bed and into a pair of discarded jeans and went off to the west side of town.  It wasn’t long before he found a girl on the street, fumbled through the approach, and brought her back.  She laughed all the way.  A few times in that fake way, calling him “baby” and “Daddy”, but then a few honest laughs at the meekness of this customer who knew only how to be kind and not how to be attractive.  She didn’t even charge him, feeling that she had done a public service for a good but unlucky man.  Then she went back out to the curb to dip her head under a half-dozen dashboards before dawn and Mark showered for three hours.

But, tonight, at this bar, the green eyes of one Telulah Lawson glittered in front of Mark.  Despite Telulah’s name, she was as white as paste.  The awkward combination of this girl plus this name is as awkward as the giver of the name plus why it was given. “Telulah” was a premonition that wormed its way into the acid-washed ex-hippie brain of her now-institutionalized mother, given to her “as a sign” (her mother’s words) as Telulah crowned.  Her mother, unashamedly, had both an extraordinary orgasm and a resurgent acid peak at that expulsive moment, diving back into her memory of her daughter’s conception nine months earlier: the Grateful Dead had given their fans the best show ever, even better than the last, and surely to only be the best until the next hit of acid at the next mossy field where the rock and roll gypsies and their coven bumbled to.  Telulah’s mother had found her star mate in a man whose name he didn’t even know—he changed it every few months to reflect his new zodiac that he should have been born under—and it wasn’t long before Telulah Rainchild Persephone Lawson screamed her way into her tripping mother’s arms.

Fast forward a few decades, give or take some years in change, and she sat at a bar in front of Mark Reeter, an account manager at a local credit union whose job was handled so adeptly by a computer that he was an avid poster on a paper airplane forum for under-worked office professionals.  His skill at folding just the right glider to hit anywhere in his office was unparalleled in three states, not that anyone would dispute it.

Earlier that night, he found himself lying again on that pristine mattress, again looking out that frosted window, and again recollecting his pity prostitute.  So, he again willed his pencil legs into a pair of discarded jeans, but this time, those jeans marched to a local bar to prove to himself he could do better than to go driving around looking for her again.  Not that he’d thought about it, nope, especially not while trying to make a plane that did two flips before wedging itself between the file cabinet and the wall.  And, upon going to this bar and downing three of those juniper truth sauces, it was then that he was not served a fourth gin, but a vodka and club soda.

The bartender shrugged at the wrong order, quipping that “someone ordered it”, and Mark found it his off-balance mission to get this unknown drink-less soul their libation.  Luckily, it was a pasty-white girl with an odd name sitting equally alone at the same bar.

Her reasons for sitting there that night, however, dip more into the excess of human contact than Mark’s lack.  She had recently found herself unknowingly in a love triangle with a pair of twins.  She knew that they were twins, as it always was a point of conversation on their date nights.  They double dated frequently and the other twin brought in a rotating cast of women, ranging from exotics to necrotics.  Telulah’s chosen twin, Samuel, often made it known to his foil, Sander, that he needed to find a good girl like Telulah, at which point a good laugh was always shared.

One of these double dates began right after Samuel and Telulah had ended another one of their shower romps.  The combination of steam, the smells of fragrant shampoos, and watching the water run down Samuel’s body always tended to lead to these events, but this particular time ended not with their usual sighs and tight grips as her body tingled and the sound of the water filled Telulah’s mind, but as Samuel bled.  She had grabbed onto the shower curtain while Samuel was behind her and the rod came out of the wall with a tremendous splatter of plaster and ripped down Samuel’s cheek.  He was quick to shrug it off and wear it bravely, but she had lost her nerve of things, so they got out and prepared for yet another one of Sander’s double dates.

That night’s guest star was barely above the drinking age, which made things very quickly become fun—with increasingly oddly named shots being delivered—and then very quickly become ugly, as the girl exploded into theatrics on the street corner, punched Sander with a roll of quarters from her purse, and stormed off.  The ensuing emergency room visit made two things clear: Samuel's nose was broken.

While both men followed her out—one pleading with a scabbed cheek and the other an owl set of black eyes, both professing love to her —it became necessary for her to have another drink.

And upon Mark’s moment of charity and honesty, Telulah’s eyes sparkled.  And, eventually, Mark christened that mattress.  Lying in bed after, with the sounds of Jerry Garcia filling Mark’s room and their nude limbs betwixt, Telulah made a perfect paper airplane out of their bar tab receipt and got it—hole in one—between Mark’s wall and shelf.  So he kissed her again.

title: An Orphan Drink [1065]

question: What made the prostitute sleep with Mark without charging him any fees?

answer: She felt that she had done a public service for a good but unlucky man.

critique: The answer should be clearer about the prostitute's motivation.

critique: It is omitted that the prostitute felt that she had done a public service for a good but unlucky man because he was lonely.

critique: The answer should be clearer about what public service the prostitute felt she was doing.

critique: The answer could be clearer in its pronoun use.


text:
I had an incredible dream last night.

I was blissful, confident and felt as if I was on top of the world. I had an absolutely stunningly beautiful girlfriend who was always by my side. She had quite thick gentle lips, perfect for kissing. Captivating wide eyes, unfortunately I don't remember the colour they were, but they reminded me of the moon. Long enchanting hair which fell down to the top half of her back. A delicate and subtle strand of hair which covered a portion of her left eye. This girl in my dream, she was everything I desired in a partner. The true definition of beauty and elegance.

As much as I try to remember, I can't recall the first part of the dream. I remember everything from the middle to the end. I remember driving in a car with this girl, my dream partner beside me. We were on our way to meet her parents. Although it was a dream, I could feel the nerves and anxiety that comes when meeting your girlfriends parents for the first time. That's something which has always been a great fear of mine and my dream reflected that.

This dream girl, the girl that I've desired and wished would come into my life was finally with me. Regardless of it being a dream, it felt so real. I could feel her comfort, her warmth and gentle touch. Each embrace with her I could feel throughout my body. Tingling sensations within my fingertips every time my hands touched her skin. How could this be a dream? How can something which embraces all of my senses not be the truth?

All of a sudden we had arrived at her parents house. Although it wasn't a house in the dream, it looked like a huge stadium where all of her relatives and family were gathered. All for one purpose to meet me, the person who had made her daughter fall head over hills in love. We both sat down on a tiny couch in the center of what felt like a stadium, surrounded by piercing eyes and judgmental looks. She grasped my hand and looked into my eyes. The nerves, the anxiety and hesitation instantly disintegrated. One gaze from this girls eyes made me feel invincible. I could only describe it as love, actual meaningful, and rarity that is true love. The kind of love which we question as to whether it exists, endlessly we search for it and deep down we feel as though we will never find it.

Her father walked over to us. He sat directly in front of me, starring endlessly into my eyes. Questioning me, ensuring that I loved his daughter. I remember her warm gentle hand gradually running up and down my back, each of her fingernails gently scratching and soothing me, comforting me.  I could feel the words coming out of my mouth, smoothly and without hesitation. The father smiled and backed away. Instantly I knew that he saw our love was real. All of a sudden the stadium like house roared with applause and cheers. Out of nowhere music started playing. I looked at the girl of my dreams beside me. I slowly stood up, reached out my hand and she took it. I pulled her close and we began to dance.

My dancing was horrific just like in real life. I was uncoordinated but each step was corrected by my dream girl. We both had beaming smiles on our faces, we were spinning around the dance floor embraced in each other's arms. She was wearing a backless dress. My left hand was gently running up and down her back, her skin radiating with warmth. We both looked into each other's eyes, slowly my eyes moved down towards her lips, becoming fixated on them. I leaned in for the kiss and she followed. Our lips collided, gently brushing against one another. I can't even begin to describe the overwhelming sensations that this kiss gave me. It felt as if my entire body was weightless, as if we were in the middle of space alone and without gravity.

We both opened our eyes and ever so slowly pulled away from each other, the dream then ended. I awoke to find myself back in reality. Stricken again with social anxiety, depression and desperate to find the girl of my dreams.

title: [RO][FN] Dream Girl - True Story (Short)

question: Summarize the climactic event of the story.

answer: The narrator and the girl of his dreams are sitting on a couch in the middle of what feels like a stadium. She holds his hand and looks into his eyes. Her father asks the narrator if he loves his daughter. The narrator says he does, and the girl's father approves. The narrator and the girl dance, and they kiss.

question: Summarize the primary source of tension in the story.

answer: The narrator is in a dream, and he is with the girl of his dreams. He is nervous about meeting her parents, but he feels that he is in love with her. He is also anxious about the prospect of meeting her parents.

critique: The last sentence is redundant and should be omitted.

critique: The narrator is not anxious about the prospect of meeting the girl's family. This should be omitted.

critique: The narrator is not nervous about meeting her parents, he is nervous about meeting her parents.

critique: The narrator's anxiety is described as "social anxiety" and "depression."

question: What does the story say about the cultures of the two characters?

answer: No answer

critique: The answer should mention that the cultures of the characters are not discussed.

critique: The story mentions the narrator's dream girl's family, so it can be inferred that they are of the same culture.

critique: The answer should mention that the story does not mention anything about the cultures of the two characters.

question: What does the story say about social anxiety?

answer: The narrator has social anxiety and depression. He has a dream where he meets the girl of his dreams and her family. He feels comfortable and confident in the dream. When he wakes up, he is stricken with social anxiety, depression, and desperate to find the girl of his dreams.

critique: The answer should mention that the dream girl helps the narrator overcome his social anxiety.

critique: The story does not mention that the narrator is depressed.

critique: There's no mention of the girl's family. When we wake up after the dream we feel desperate to find the girl of our dreams.

critique: The narrator's emotional state is irrelevant to the question.

critique: The first sentence is not relevant to the question.

critique: The answer should mention that the narrator's dream girl helps him with his social anxiety.

critique: The answer should mention that the narrator's social anxiety is cured in the dream.


text:
I'm taking a story writing class and this is my first short story. Can I get some honest critiques?

I kneeled down onto the dusty, wooden floor and scrubbed with all of my might. The veins in my arms bulged and the floor creaked under me, but I could not get the blood stain out from the night before. Papa had been drinking all day yesterday and decided to slice Peter, our brother, on his cheek with a sharp blade. There was no reason behind it, I’m sure, but these days he didn’t need a reason to lash out on any of us.  I wiped the sweat off of my furrowed brow and tried even harder.  I heard faint footsteps in the distance and silently hoped it was not my father.

“Zoya!” my father yelled sternly. He was a former Soviet soldier; a tall, burly man who smelled of vodka and musk.  “Yes, papa?” I lifted the greasy mop of black hair from my face and looked straight at him. He tugged me by my tattered collar and got within an inch of my face. “I am so fucking sick of this dirty house. You’ve been on this floor for 3 hours and you haven’t even cleaned up a damn thing.” I muttered an apology and his face contorted with anger. He grunted at me and said “You are absolutely worthless to me, little girl. Your existence has wasted sixteen years of my life.”

He dragged me out of the hallway to the back of the house where he usually sat and drank silently. He lifted my skirt and with four fluid movements, he whacked my bottom with his “special belt.” The belt was passed down to him by his father.  It was made of cracked leather and had fourteen razorblades wedged into the side of it, which left horrible cuts if you were ever punished with it.  When he was finished, he shoved me to the side. I straightened my skirt and rushed back to the kitchen to finish cleaning.

~~~

Mama and Papa were so irrevocably in love with each other and they were proud of the family that they had together. Papa worked in the factory and Mama stayed at home to clean and take care of the children. We’d spend our afternoons in the park singing, talking about the old days, and Mama would tell us the same old story about the day she met Papa. Tears would well up in her eyes and you could tell just how much she loved him. There was never a day when Papa came home from work without a warm welcoming from everyone. Mama’s eyes would light up and all of the children would run into his arms. Life was perfect.

Life changed drastically when she died. It was the summer of nineteen ninety-four and she had just given birth to our sister Irina. We knew something was wrong the day they both came back from the hospital. Mama didn’t even want to hold her and refused to do anything but sit in her room. Day after day, for about a month, she’d just sit in front of her window crying. She wouldn’t speak or eat and there was not a doctor in town that could tell us what was wrong with her.

One evening, after having spent all day in the park with my brother, I walked into my house and saw a sight that I would never forget for the rest of my life. The putrid smell of death overcame me and as I stepped into the washroom; I saw my mother. She had been lying there for the entire latter half of the day and her nightdress was stained with coagulated blood. Her body, limp and lifeless, was pale and covered in tiny flecks of what we thought was her brain. Her head had been blown into tiny chunks that littered the side of the wall and in one of her arms was Papa’s old hunting rifle. I dropped to my knees, laid my head in her lap, and cried until Papa came home.

~~~

That was the day that everything changed for us. Papa had to bury the love of his life and was left with 3 children to take care of. He quit his job and started drinking, leaving Peter and I to pick up the slack. I stayed at home with Peter; we cleaned, cooked, and took care of Irina; but matter what we did, Papa would always find fault in it. If he was even remotely angry,  he would take it out on us. He’d find the nearest thing he could use as a weapon and beat us senselessly.

It has been this way for seven years now. It seems as though every day is getting worse and worse. Sometimes I think that I’d rather die than be subject to his wrath.

About two hours later, I finally cleaned up the last bit of Peter’s blood off of the floor. I shoved my cleaning supplies into the cupboard under the sink and shuffled towards the garden behind the house. Peter and Irina were in the garden scooping potatoes out of the soil with their bare hands. “Hey, what are you up to?” I said, he looked at me solemnly. I tousled his shaggy brown hair then picked Irina up and placed her in my lap. “Papa beat you again, didn’t he?” he asked. “Yeah, but it isn’t like it’s the first time. Plus, it was kind of my fault anyway. I just couldn’t get the floor clean.” He stood up and looked down at me. “Are you really that stupid? You think it is okay for him to do that shit to you?” He scoffed and stormed into the house, slamming the door behind him. I looked down at the earth beneath me. Tears fell down my face and quickly disappeared into the soil. Irina wiped a tear away from my face and smiled at me.

Her smile turned into a twisted face of horror within two seconds. Papa was stumbling violently out of the house with his infamous belt. He had been drinking again and I couldn’t understand a word of his drunken tirade. He lashed Irina right in the face, ripping her delicate skin off. He grabbed a hold of her neck, bent her over the fence, and smacked her again and again. I tried blocking her from his lashings, but he threw me to the side and kept on going. Her violent screams faded into soft whimpers. I peered over at her little blonde curls that were stained with blood. Her fair skin was cut to pieces and Papa would not let go of his grip on her neck. “Papa, you’re going to kill her! Stop!” I yelled, as I lunged over to protect her. He started to beat me with the belt; the razorblades cutting into my sides sent searing pain throughout my whole body. I looked down at Irina’s limp body and brushed the hair out of her face. Her eyes were swollen shut and her face was unrecognizable. I put my hand to her heart and it was not beating. I began sobbing uncontrollably. “You fucking killed her, Papa! Why?” I held her in my arms and looked up at him. He stared blankly at me for what seemed like forever. His lips began to quiver and a single tear dropped down his old, worn out face.

Out of nowhere, I heard the distinct sound of Papa’s old hunting rifle being cocked. Three loud shots rang out and Papa dropped to the ground.

if you've made it this far, thanks for reading. i appreciate it.

title: Toska (My first short story)

question: Summarize the relationship the narrator and his siblings had with their Papa.

answer: The narrator and her siblings loved their papa. They would spend their afternoons in the park singing and talking about the old days. Mama would tell them the same old story about the day she met Papa.

critique: The narrator's family was in love with each other before their mother died.

critique: It's omitted that Papa was abusive to the narrator and her siblings.

question: Summarize the narrator's feelings towards the life she had and what she thought about the beatings her and her siblings got.

answer: The narrator's family and her life was perfect until one day her mother died. This was a big shock to them and it led to a massive change in their lives. Her father became an alcoholic, completely changed and it became a living hell. This led to more beatings day in day out, and the worst part was that it was all the narrator's fault because he would beat up the narrator for not cleaning the house properly. The narrator would have loved to be anywhere else other than where she was, and she thought she would rather die than be subjected to her father's never-ending beatings.

critique: This is not a summary of the narrator's feelings towards the life she had. It should be rewritten.

critique: The narrator's father was the one who beat them, not the narrator.

critique: The narrator's father was the one who blamed her for the beatings.

text: The response is incorrect - though the narrator wasn't doing a good job cleaning the floor, she is not at fault for the beatings she took from her father.

question: If the narrator's Papa was shot to death, would the narrator and siblings feel better?

answer: It is not stated.

critique: It is implied that the narrator and siblings would feel better.

critique: It is omitted that the narrator would feel better because Papa would not be able to hurt them anymore.


text:
                            Wicker Basket Warriors
In the year of 1812, there was a man floating down the Swiggle river in the fall.  He noticed a man on the bank who was picking leaves outta of the water with his tooth.  The guy floating down the river was floating in a one man canoe.  His name was Buck Chunker, a man of remarkable power.  Nomes Chomper was the name of  the guy picking the leaves out of the water with his one tooth.  They aired high fived to each other with great ambition.
“What are you doing out here Nomes Chomper?” asked Buck Chunker.  “Imma tryin’ to tickle mah gums!”, said Nomes Chomper.  “Daggum, that seems mighty difficult to do with one toof!”  Stated Buck.“ You making  fun of the way I talk?”  As one leaf was dangling from Nomes Chomper face.  “It seemed harder than two icicles in a snow storm” exclaimed Buck Chunker.  “It aint too bad Buck, you just have to hook it with your special toof!”.  “Speakin of which whattana, whattana, whattana, whattana…. “ Nomes began to stutter and starting pointing off into the distance. After breaking his stutter he exclaims, “Whattana, Whattana, you seem offly lonely in that one man canoe”.   “Whooyeee  that is all ye can fit in a one man canoe, Nomes.  I been fishin for unicorn fish, the wonderbread fish!” belched Chunker.  As Buck was saying that, a strange noise came from a tree.
As a tree branch snapped you could see the  silhouette of a man falling down and screaming “sweet gypsy kite” as the man splashed into the river.  The way he entered the water caused such a loud rockous twelve trees became dragons and flew off. The bellowing of the splash caused Buck and Nomes to fear cannon fire.  Nomes reached for a pebble and places it on his head.  Nomes special ability was camouflage, as he could use nature to hide from any danger. They had  feared the sound of cannon fire because a battle had recently just broke out between the Americans and the Red Coats at Slip Dizzy Rock.
Buck looked over to where he last seen Nomes and he was very perplexed that the man that was standing there had vanished.  Being heavily distracted from what just happened Buck floated down the river towards the noise with great curiosity.  Buck did not use a paddle to float down the river, however he used his abnormal hand size to power through rip currents.  As he floated towards the sound, he recognized the sound of someone groaning injured.
“OHHHHHHHH, that kinda hurt” said a balloon faced man with scarecrow clothes. Buck paddled by to check on this wondering stranger. The guy looked up at Buck and said, “at’ll be the last time I walk that far on that limb gain”.  “Well who be you, tall timbering stranger?  And why were up in dat tree up der?” questions Buck.  As Buck was finishing his question ,a box of thin mint girl scout cookies hits Buck in the shoulder.  Miles responded, “I was trying to clear my rear! But, as I bent over the branch snapped and I flew faster than a jack-rabbit on opium.”
In the midst of deep conversation sounds erupted from the pebbles of the river and mysteriously appeared Nomes Chomper.   Nomes picked up the cookies and said, “I ain’t had one of these in years!”.  Miles quickly responds by throwing a rock and knocked the cookies out of his hand. “you you almost knocked out my toof” paniced Nomes.  The balloon faced man said, “you don’t wanna eat that.  Those special delicious cookies were used to clean my bottom. Them cookies were butt treats.”  Nomes stood there confused, mouth wide open, trying to understand what Miles meant.
The dusk sky made the scene almost majestic with the way that the leaves fell onto the surface of the river. The approaching darkness became more frightening though when the sound of falling leaves was broken up with the pops and cracks of gun fire off in the distance. Nomes broke the silence by saying “Ya’ll don’t want to head that direction. It ain’t nothin’ but trouble over there. I just came from it, thanks to them redcoats havin us surrounded on three sides.” Buck and Miles looked at Nomes and told him to lead the way since he knew where not to go. Nomes responds to this surprised leadership role he was given with excitement.  He says, “I know this woman just downriver, but we gots to be careful ‘cuz of Indians and redcoats got patrols out here.”
They began to gather what little they had on them and headed down the banks of the river to the woman’s house. After a few hundred yards, Buck grabs ahold of Miles and palm-faced him followed up by “I’m sick of smellin’ your dingle berry.” He pushed Miles to the ground behind him to convince him to be last in this line. They continue to sneak their way down the remainder of the river, nearly being caught by both Indian and redcoat patrols due to Buck’s flipper like feet slapping the ground as he walked.
After walking through the darkness for many hours, they come upon a shack in a field that was lit solely by the moon. Nomes looks back to the new-found posse and lets them know that this is the safe house of the woman known as Big Red. He stops the others on the edge of the wood line and says, “I gotta go up there alone and let me convince her to let us stay here. I’ll give ya’ll a signal to let ya know you’re good to come on up.” He then indicates the signal by placing his hand into his armpit and making a sound like a chubby frog eating kettle corn.
Nomes disappeared to the front of this shack for a few short minutes. He came back to the field and gave them the signal to let know that she was alright with harboring them. The two that were in the woods moved swiftly across the field and up to the home. They were greeted by a woman at the door with hair as red as Norwegian crawl-dog munchin’ on sloppy joes. They expressed their gratitude for her generosity, very much appreciative of safe sleeping quarters.
She showed them into the cellar where she insured that they would remain safe and hidden. As they began to settle in, Big Red came in carrying hay for someone to sleep on, a warm quilt for another, and a sheep so fat it looked like a Puerto Rican mosquito after sucking on Buck’s thumb for the third person. Miles quickly yelled “DIBS!” pointing towards the fluffy sheep. Nomes and Buck agreed that neither wanted to be so selfish so they manned up and decided to share the hay and warm quilt with dancing fairy’s shucking oysters imprinted on it.  Miles unashamedly cuddle up with the sheep. After a few moments of all of them restlessly tossing and turning Nomes unexpectedly cut on the latern put  a pebble on his head and said “ I can’t stop thinking about that beared lady from the carnival screaming  “ I’ll scallop your mustache!” pointing at a sloppily dressed british officer in the middle of the fighting at slip dizzy.”  As Nomes proclaimed this, the three men bursted into laughter and conversation drifted off into the midst of night.

title: This Kid In My Class Read This OUT LOUD! We all just sat there...in silence. As he acted it all out.

question: Summarize the scenery set in the first few paragraphs of the story.

answer: The first few paragraphs of the story are set in the year 1812. The narrator describes the Swiggle river and the surrounding area. The narrator describes the surrounding area as a place where a battle between the Americans and the Red Coats had just broken out. The narrator describes the surrounding area as a place where a man was picking leaves out of the water with his one tooth.

critique: The narrator is not describing the surrounding area, but the characters are.

critique: The details about the setting are irrelevant.

critique: The narrator is not a character in the story.

question: What would be the next adventure the three men would embark on?

answer: It is not stated in the passage.

critique: It is implied that the three men would embark on another adventure.

critique: The passage does state what the next adventure would be.

critique: "three men" - must mention that Miles is also there.

critique: It is not stated that the next adventure is not stated. It is stated that the three men would embark on another adventure.

critique: The question does not require an answer.

critique: The answer should mention that the story doesn't follow a linear narrative.