text:
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[Marianne Hudson]

I cover angel investing – trends, ideas and how to succeed.

We all proudly read the news about the work veterans do protecting our country. However, what often doesn’t make the news is the impact these heroes have on the business world. Check out these statistics which belie their contributions to the startup ecosystem as the nation celebrates National Veterans Small Business Week and Veteran's Day:

-   3 million: The number of businesses veterans run in the United States
-   5.7 million: The number of  people employed by veterans, which equates to $210 billion in annual payroll and $1.2 trillion in sales
-   30%: The portion of all American businesses owned by veterans; interestingly, while veterans make up only 8% of the U.S. population, they are twice as likely to own a business as the general population
-   7%: The number of businesses owned by veterans still open after 10 years; according to the Small Business Administration, compared to one-third of all businesses that survive 10 years or more.

The success of veteran entrepreneurs has not gone unnoticed by angel investors, although more attention is needed. In fact, this week and next angels interested in learning more about “vetrepreneurs” as equity-backable companies can take advantage of multiple free events such as VetsinTech DC Launch of VetCap on November 6 and Angel Capital Association veterans event in Boston on November 12. A growing number of veteran-owned startups are gaining traction with investors, customers and the market. Investors are drawn to the deal flow and potential returns as they hear about more and more good exits from veteran-run companies or about other companies growing at the scale needed for successful equity investment. Consider these examples:

Aviahuismanphotography | Dreamstime.com - US Coast Guard Graduation Photo

-   RideScout, a transportation information app for mobile phones – AKA the “Kayak of ground transportation” provided nice returns for the investors involved when it was acquired this year by Moovel, a subsidiary of Daimler.
-   Critical Intelligence, a cyber-security company that does business with several major power companies, is building impressive revenues. It is one of 40 companies supported by Vet-Tech, a Silicon Valley accelerator that helps veteran-led startups scale their ventures.
-   Troopswap, an e-commerce platform and verification engine for veterans, service members and their families, attracting investment from angels and venture capitalists, and growing in sales and employees.

WINNING PERSONALITY TRAITS COMBINE WELL WITH MILITARY EXPERIENCE Despite common misconceptions and stereotypes, these successful veterans aren't wedded to bureaucracy. In fact, they thrive in small groups, having led small teams or platoons throughout their military career.  They are flexible, having been plunged into a highly unique environments with pressure cooker situations requiring literal do or die-based skills training. They learn how to be leaders early in their career, know how to execute plans and have the drive and desire to continue to be leaders even after finishing military service. "The lessons learned and lived in military service like leadership, teamwork, competitive spirit, mission-orientation and ambition are the same attributes needed to succeed in business," the National Veteran-Owned Business Association (NaVOBA) says on its website. More veterans are born with winning entrepreneurial personality traits, which combine well with military training and experience. According to a 2009 study on veterans in the entrepreneurial world, veterans possess greater entrepreneurial personality characteristics than those who are not veterans. Bow Rodgers, an angel investor, veteran and president of Vet-Tech, and Doug Doan, veteran and founder of Hivers and Strivers, have identified the following skills and personality traits that make veterans good entrepreneurs:

-   Early leadership training: The armed services teach leadership to all recruits - and provide experiences needed to practice what they've learned.
-   Leadership growth: Many are eager to continue being leaders even after they leave the service.
-   Working with teams: Whether on the battlefield or in strategic planning, veterans are surrounded by teammates, which serves them well when running a business.
-   Focus and execution: "American soldiers get more done by 9 a.m. than most people do in a day," touts a NaVOBA flyer that urges people to "Buy Veteran." With this work ethic, it's no wonder they make great entrepreneurs. "These are fine young men and women with fine ideas who have the ability to execute," Rodgers says. "If you don't have the team to execute, what good is the good idea?”
-   Progress after a failure: “The military's culture has adapted to support the development of leaders well-suited for entrepreneurship by teaching how to plan for failure, how to seek knowledge from direct reports, and how to learn iteratively as a group. The military delegates significant authority to junior leaders who are expected (and encouraged) to fail during the early stages of their careers," writes veteran entrepreneur Blake Hall in an article on veteran entrepreneurs. "A 22-year-old responsible for leading 46 men and tens of millions of dollars of equipment is going to screw up. He/she is also going to develop much faster as a leader relative to peers.”
-   Knowledge seekers: Veterans are good at seeking knowledge from subordinates and learning iteratively. They review what did and didn’t work after every exercise - something that serves startups well.
-   True doers: Many vets who joined the military after 9/11 were driven, unafraid, and determined to directly confront the biggest challenges of the era. Having elected to shoulder the responsibilities themselves rather than watch or comment from a safe distance, they are the "true doers" of this generation.
-   Best practices: Today’s service men and women are smarter, better trained, equipped, and prepared than at any time in the nation’s history - especially those coming out of the military academies. Doan expands on the reasons and example companies in a recent blog post, Guess Who Just Started the Next Great Company?.

In celebration of Veteran's Day, let's honor the significant impact veterans are playing in our startup economy. Angels have the chance to build their financial returns in the process. Here’s to continuing to support our vets and looking forward to their impact in the future.

[Marianne Hudson]

I am an angel investor and Executive Director of the Angel Capital Association (ACA), the world’s leading professional association for angel investors. ACA is focused on…

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question: What does the text say about what angel investing is?

answer: No answer

critique: The answer should mention that the article doesn't define angel investing.

critique: The article does not explain what angel investing is.

critique: The answer should mention that the text doesn't define angel investing.

critique: Angel investing is either for investors whose motivation is financial reward, or for investors who want to help startups grow.

question: What does the text say about reasons to invest in veteran-owned businesses?

answer: The text says that veteran-owned businesses are twice as likely to own a business as the general population. They are also more likely to own a business that survives 10 years or more. The text also says that veteran-owned businesses are more likely to have a winning personality trait that combines well with military experience.

critique: The text also mentions the impact veterans have on the business world.

critique: The text does not say that veteran-owned businesses are more likely to have a winning personality trait that combines well with military experience.

critique: The text also says that veteran-owned businesses are more likely to have a winning personality trait that combines well with military experience.

critique: The text does not say anything about winning personality traits.

critique: The text also says that veteran-owned businesses are more likely to be successful.

text: The answer attirbutes characteristics of veterans themselves to "veteran-owned businesses" and thus comes across as nonsensical.


split: train

text:
Dutch Prime Minister Mark Rutte clashed with his main rival anti-Islam MP Geert Wilders on Monday, as they laid out starkly opposing visions of their country's future in an election campaign now consumed by a diplomatic row withTurkey.

Two days before Wednesday's crucial general election, The Netherlands is mired in a war of words with Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan, which has provided fodder for Wilders and his uncompromising anti-immigration stance.

'You are being taken hostage by Erdogan. Close the Dutch borders,' Wilders told Rutte, as tempers flared in the 30-minute head-to-head televised debate.

Right-wing Dutch politician Geert Wilders (pictured) made the most of a fiery TV debate against Prime Minister Mark Rutte to sound off against Islam and the escalating tit-for-tat row with Turkey

'That's a totally fake solution,' Rutte shot back, 'you want Nexit, you want The Netherlands out of Europe. You know what it will cost ... don't do it.'

Wilders, who says he is on a mission against the 'Islamisation' of the country, has promised to shut Dutch borders to Muslim immigrants, close mosques and ban sales of the Koran.

He also wants to follow the British and pull the country out of the European Union which it helped found.

Polls suggest Wednesday's results could be close, with Rutte's Liberal VVD returning as the largest party in the 150-seat parliament by a whisker.

The elections are being closely watched as a signal of the possible rise of far-right and populist parties in Europe, with key elections also planned this year in France and Germany.

'I want The Netherlands to be the first country which stops this trend of the wrong sort of populism,' Rutte told reporters, just hours before the debate.

Monday's debate, plus Tuesday's vote-eve round-table with eight political party leaders, could yet sway the poll, with one analyst estimating some 60 percent of Dutch voters remain undecided.

Wilders has delighted in the chaos which erupted over the weekend when riot police moved in to disperse hundreds of protesters waving Turkish flags in Rotterdam, angered by a Dutch government ban on their ministers.

'You are being taken hostage by Erdogan. Close the Dutch borders,' Wilders told Rutte during the heated debate. Discussing the tit-for-tat row with Turkey, he added: 'We must answer back. We must expel the Turkish ambassador and his staff.'

Rutte appealed for calm, but he has rejected Turkey's calls to apologise for expelling one of its ministers who tried to attend the pro-Ankara rally in Rotterdam.

In one tense exchange, Rutte said it was time to de-escalate the crisis, but Wilders retorted: 'We must answer back. We must expel the Turkish ambassador and his staff.'

'There's the difference between tweeting from the sofa and running a country. If you are in charge of a country you need to take sensible measures,' Rutte replied, to loud applause, in a jab at the Dutch MP known for his love of Twitter.

The VVD is predicted to return as the largest party in the 150-seat parliament with between 23 to 27 seats, according to the latest aggregated polls.

Rutte (left) appealed for calm and called to de-escalate the feud with Turkish leaders who were barred from speaking at rallys in Holland this week following fears of heightened tensions

That is well down from the 40 VVD MPs in the outgoing lower chamber however, and would leave Rutte scrambling to cobble together a viable coalition which may have to include four or five parties to reach the 76-seat majority.

After weeks of flirting at the top of the polls, Wilders has seen his ratings slip and may now come second with between 19 and 23 seats, polls suggest.

But that would still leave him a difficult voice to ignore.

Rutte repeated his vow never to work with Wilders again, accusing him of causing problems for the country after the peroxide-haired MP triggered the collapse of an earlier coalition in 2012.

Rutte's liberal VVD party is predicted to return as the largest party in the 150-seat parliament with between 23 to 27 seats, according to the latest aggregated polls - however, despite a ratings slip - Wilder's is still expected to return with a strong hand of between 19 and 23 seats

Telling Wilders he had become 'radicalised' and was making 'extreme statements' about Moroccan-Dutch citizens, Rutte insisted: 'I will not cooperate with such a party. No, never, no.'

But Wilders retorted that he was standing up against 'the liars and the legislators' and urged Dutch voters 'if you want to take the Netherlands back for ourselves, then chase this man away and put me in the prime minister's office.'

There are 28 parties seeking to woo the 12.9 million eligible voters, and observers have warned that forming a coalition will likely take months and demand tough compromises.

Wilders' 'ideology might be negative, it's anti-Muslims, it's anti-EU, it's anti-immigration, it's anti-refugees. But it is a clear ideology that addresses concerns of a substantial group of the Dutch. So it is there to stay,' Monika Sie Dhian Ho, director of the Clingendael Institute said.

question: What is the stance of the Dutch Prime Minister regarding Turkey?

answer: Rutte called to de-escalate the feud with Turkish leaders who were barred from speaking at rallys in Holland this week following fears of heightened tensions.

critique: This response is not related to the stance of the Dutch Prime Minister.

critique: The answer should mention that Rutte also rejected Turkey's calls to apologize for expelling a Turkish minister.

critique: The answer could mention the diplomatic row.

critique: The answer should mention that Rutte rejected Turkey's calls to apologise for expelling one of its ministers.

critique: The answer omits Rutte's refusal to apologize for expelling a Turkish minister.

critique: The answer should mention that Rutte also rejected Turkey's calls to apologize for expelling one of its ministers.

critique: The answer should mention Rutte's refusal to apologize.

question: What kind of personality does MP Geert Wilder have?

answer: Wilder is uncompromising and anti-immigration.

critique: The article also mentions that he is anti-Islam.

critique: The answer should mention his anti-Islam stance.

critique: The answer could be phrased as a complete sentence.

critique: The answer should also mention that Wilders is anti-Islam.

question: Describe the current political climate in Netherlands

answer: The Prime Minister clashed with his main rival, anti-Islam MP, Geert Wilders on Monday. The two politicians are laying out starkly opposing visions of their country's future.

critique: The answer should mention the diplomatic row with Turkey.

critique: The answer doesn't describe the current political climate.

critique: "'You are being taken hostage by Erdogan. Close the Dutch borders,' Wilders told Rutte' is a response to the dynamic between the two opposing visions - Wilders wants to close borders related to the diplomatic feud. Include this response in the answer.

text: The answer should mention the rise of a far-right populist movement in the Netherlands.

category: coverage

question: What is the stand of the citizens of the Netherlands regarding the issues of their country?

answer: It is not stated.

critique: The article does state the stand of the citizens of the Netherlands regarding the issues of their country.

critique: It is not stated that the citizens are undecided, but it is implied.

critique: The article does mention that the elections are being closely watched as a signal of the possible rise of far-right and populist parties in Europe, with key elections also planned this year in France and Germany.

critique: The article does state the stand of the citizens of the Netherlands.

critique: While the article doesn't explicitly state the stand of the citizens of the Netherlands, it does give enough information to infer what that stand is.

critique: It's implied at the end by Monika Sie Dhian Ho: "Wilders' 'ideology might be negative, it's anti-Muslims, it's anti-EU, it's anti-immigration, it's anti-refugees. But it is a clear ideology that addresses concerns of a substantial group of the Dutch. So it is there to stay',"

critique: Not quite accurate. The article mentions that the elections are being closely watched as a signal of the possible rise of far-right and populist parties in Europe.


text:
[Grosvenor Park Lodge] GROSVENOR PARK is a public park in the city of Chester, Cheshire, England (). It consists of of land overlooking the River Dee. It is regarded as one of the finest and most complete examples of Victorian parks in the North West of England, if not nationally.[1] On 22 August 2013 the designation of the park was raised from Grade II in the National Register of Historic Parks and Gardens to Grade II*.[2]

History

[The park as seen from the air|upright=1.2] The land, which formerly consisted of fields, was given to the city by Richard Grosvenor, 2nd Marquess of Westminster. The Marquess also paid for the design of the park by Edward Kemp. It was laid out in 1865–66 and opened with great celebration in November 1867[3] although the Marquess was not able to attend.[4] Grosvenor Park has recently undergone a £3.6 million restoration as part of the 'Parks for People' [5] programme. The park received a £2.4 million grant from the Heritage Lottery Fund, with additional funding from WREN[6] and Cheshire West and Chester Council. [7] The programme aimed to repair and restore some of the original features. A new building named the Activity Zone was built to serve local community activities and the Lodge was refurbished and converted for use as a cafe. [8] The park was reopened in July 2014 by Gerald Grosvenor, 6th Duke of Westminster and descendant of the original benefactor.[9]

Grosvenor Park Lodge

Designed by local architect John Douglas, this was originally the park keeper's lodge. The building has been designated by Historic England as a Grade II listed building.[10] For a time it housed the city council's parks & gardens office. After the 2014 refurbishment of the park, it reopened as The Lodge Cafe.[11] The lodge, together with some of the other structures in the park, are among Douglas's first recorded commissions by the Grosvenor family, and the first known example of his use of black-and-white architecture.[12][13] The lodge is in two storeys, the lower storey being built in red sandstone and the upper storey being timber-framed with plaster panels. The roofs are of red-brown tiles.[14] On the upper storey are eight carvings which represent William the Conqueror and the seven Norman Earls of Chester.[15]

Contents

[Archway from St Michael's Church with Jacob's Well drinking fountain in the background] In addition to ornamental flower beds, grassed areas, trees and footpaths, the park contains a number of other features.[16] Before the park was established there was in one of the fields a well, Billy Hobby's Well, which was reputed to have magical properties. John Douglas designed a canopy to stand over the site of the well.[17] The canopy is listed at Grade II.[18] Money was raised by public subscription to erect a statue to the 2nd Marquess in 1859.[19] The statue is in white marble and was made by Thomas Thornycroft.[20] The statue was originally surrounded by four guns, two being Boer guns which were captured in the Boer War and the other two were Russian guns which had been captured at Sebastopol in the Crimean War. The guns are no longer present.[21] The statue is listed at Grade II.[22]

In the park are three medieval arches moved from elsewhere in the city, both of which are listed at Grade II. St Mary's Arch with its wing walls dates from around the 13th century and formerly stood in St Mary's Benedictine Nunnery.[23][24] The Old Shipgate Arch formerly stood to the west of the Bridgegate and was taken down in 1831.[25][26] The third archway was removed from St Michael's Church.[27][28] Also in the park and listed at Grade II is Jacob's Well Drinking Fountain consisting of a small stone arch with a drinking fountain for people and a dish for their pets, which is now dry.[29][30] During the laying out of the park a long line of Roman earthenware water pipes was discovered close to the lodge which used to bring fresh water from Boughton to the Roman fortress. In the 1950s a rockery was constructed on the southern edge of the park with waterfalls, streams and fountains.[31] The main gates of the park, together with other gate piers and sections of the park walls, all designed by John Douglas, are listed at Grade II.[32][33][34][35]

Activities

A number of cultural and horticultural events, including events in the Summer Music Festival, are held in the park.[36] Also in the park is the Grosvenor Park Miniature Railway which was built in 1996 to commemorate the centenary of the Duke of Westminster's railway at Eaton Hall. It has a gauge of and a circuit of .[37]

Grosvenor Park Open Air Theatre

During the summer months (July–August) the park hosts the Grosvenor Park Open Air Theatre, a purpose-built outdoor theatre that has been described as a 'Northern alternative to The Globe and Regent's Park'.[38] The theatre, operated by local arts producer Storyhouse (formerly Chester Performs), is the only full-time professional theatre company outside London and first opened in 2010. _The Stage_ described the 2013 production as 'what good alfresco summer theatre is all about'.[39]

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title: Grosvenor Park, Chester

question: Summarize the water features of the park.

answer: The park has a number of water features, including a well, a drinking fountain for people and their pets, and a rockery with waterfalls, streams, and fountains.

critique: "well, a drinking fountain for people and their pets" - this part of the answer wasn't written by the original author and is likely unattested.

critique: The well isn't listed as a water feature.

critique: The answer should mention the water pipes.

critique: The well is Billy Hobby's Well, not a water feature.

critique: The well is not a water feature of the park, so this should be omitted.

question: Summarize the landscaping details of the park.

answer: The park contains ornamental flower beds, grassed areas, trees, and footpaths. Some of the features include Billy Hobby's well, a canopy over the well, a statue of the 2nd Marquess, three arches, Jacob's well drinking fountain, a rockery, and the main gates.

critique: The answer should mention the water pipes.

critique: The answer omits the Roman earthenware water pipes.

critique: The arches are not features of the park, but are features of the park.

critique: Doesn't mention the historic water pipes.

critique: "Some of the features include" is unnecessary.

question: Summarize all of the updates to the park in the 21st century.

answer: In 1996, the park was built to commemorate the centenary of the Duke of Westminster's railway at Eaton Hall. In 2010, the Grosvenor Park Open Air Theatre, a purpose-built outdoor theatre, was opened. In 2014, the park underwent a £3.6 million restoration as part of the 'Parks for People' program.

critique: The answer should mention the restoration of the park's features.

question: What does the text say about playgrounds?

answer: No answer

critique: The answer should mention that the text doesn't mention playgrounds.

critique: Add that the text mostly talks about playgrounds in the Grosvenor Park Lodge and the Activity Zone.

critique: The answer should mention that the text does not mention playgrounds.


text:
SIR WILLIAM ARROL & CO. was a leading Scottish civil engineering and construction business founded by William Arrol and based in Glasgow. It built some of the most famous bridges in the United Kingdom including the second Tay Bridge, the Forth Bridge and Tower Bridge in London.

Early history

The Company was founded by William Arrol, born in Houston, Renfrewshire in 1839, the fourth child of Thomas Arrol, a cotton spinner. He started work at the age of nine in a cotton mill, having passed himself off as thirteen. In 1850, the family moved to Paisley and William found work at Coats’s Cotton Thread Manufacturing making bobbins. At the age of fourteen he was apprenticed to a blacksmith at Paisley, supplementing his practical education with night school classes and the purchase of books on engineering.[1]

At end of his apprenticeship William Arrol worked as a journeyman blacksmith with mixed success. Work was not easy to find and in 1858, now aged nineteen, he took a job at Ker’s factory at Paisley. Eventually he was engaged as a foreman at Laidlaw’s Engineering Works in Glasgow. Here he was entrusted with his first bridges: the Greenock and Ayrshire Railway at Greenock in 1885 and the West Pier at Brighton 1866. After two years, Arrol had saved enough money to set up with a friend as boiler and girder makers. However, they incurred heavy losses through non-payment by customers and the partnership was dissolved. On his own again with his small works in Glasgow, in 1871 he was given the construction of railway bridges on the Balerno line in Edinburgh.[2]

In 1872, now in his early thirties, Arrol left his old works and moved to Dalmarnock in south Glasgow. His first important contract was for a bridge over the Clyde at Bothwell for the North British Railway. This bridge, which was 120 feet above the water, was notable for Arrol’s introduction of the idea of building the girders on land and rolling them out pier to pier. In 1875 he built the first of the two great bridges for the Caledonian Railway over the Clyde. Faced by a strike by the riveters he invented a hydraulic riveting machine, later to enjoy widespread use in the shipbuilding industry. [3]

The Great Bridges

December 1879 saw the great Tay Bridge disaster where the railway bridge collapsed under the lateral pressure of high winds, barely a year after it had opened. William Arrol was awarded the contract for the new bridge. Construction of the new Tay Bridge was started in 1882 and it opened in 1887. Almost simultaneously, William Arrol was also working on the Forth Bridge. Construction began in 1882 and when it was opened in1890 it had the longest single cantilever bridge span in the world. William Arrol’s commitment to these two bridges was rewarded with a knighthood: Sir William Arrol & Company Ltd was incorporated in June 1893.[4] The completion of the two Scottish bridges gave Sir William Arrol an international reputation and in the succeeding years bridges were built around Great Britain, Europe and as far as Australia. Perhaps the best known was London’s Tower Bridge opened in 1894, where Sir William Arrol erected all the steel work.[5]

Diversification

The development of Dalmarnock Works to cope with Arrol’s increased business involved the construction of new buildings with large spans and roofs of steel and glass which let in light throughout the building. Their size allowed the installation of large overhead cranes with up to 100 tons lifting capacity. This became an activity in its own right as similar buildings were constructed for other companies.[6] Also arising out of Dalmarnock Works and bridgebuilding were cranes. particularly for shipbuilding; they had a loading capacity ranging from five to 150 tons. The most famous crane. the largest of its time, is the Titan Crane completed in 1907; a gigantic cantilever crane of 150-ton capacity. for John Brown & Company.[7] With this increased range of activity, the Dalmarnock Works occupied 17 acres and employed 2000 men plus thousands more working on outside contracts. Sir William died in 1913 but the Company continued as an independent entity until 1969.[8]

Notable projects

[View of the cantilever construction of the Forth Bridge] [The Forth Bridge built by Sir William Arrol & Co.|alt=Colour photograph of the Forth Bridge. ]

Bridges

Bridges built by the company include:

-   Caledonian Railway Bridge across the River Clyde completed in 1878
-   Tay Rail Bridge completed in 1887
-   Forth Bridge completed in 1890
-   Tower Bridge in London completed in 1894
-   North Bridge in Edinburgh completed in 1897
-   Redheugh Bridge in Newcastle upon Tyne completed in 1901
-   Connel Bridge completed in 1903
-   Nile Bridge at Cairo completed in 1908
-   Tees Transporter Bridge completed in 1911
-   Warrington Transporter Bridge completed in 1916
-   Keadby Bridge completed in 1916
-   Southwark Bridge in London completed in 1921
-   White Cart Bridge completed in 1923
-   Jubilee Bridge (Walney) completed in 1908
-   Jubilee Bridge (Queensferry) completed in 1927
-   Corporation Bridge in Grimsby completed in 1928
-   Wearmouth Bridge completed in 1929

[A closeup of the central section of the second Tay Bridge|alt=Colour photograph of the central section of the second Tay Bridge]

-   Tsoelike Suspension Bridge in Lesotho completed in 1930
-   Forth Road Bridge completed in 1964
-   Deptford Railroad Bridge completed in 1964
-   Severn Bridge completed in 1966
-   The second Craigellachie Bridge completed in 1970
-   The Humber Bridge completed in 1981

Cranes

-   Titan Clydebank, completed in 1907
-   Titan Crane, Fairfield, completed in 1911
-   250-ton crane, HMNB Portsmouth, dated 1912, demolished 1984[9]
-   Titan Crane, James Watt Dock Crane, completed in 1917
-   Titan Crane, Barclay Curle, completed in 1920
-   Blocksetter Travelling Titan (South African Harbours and Railways); for use at Durban, completed prior to 1932[10]
-   Blocksetter Travelling Hercules (South African Harbours and Railways); for use at Table Bay, completed prior to 1932[11]
-   Blocksetter Travelling Hercules; for use at Ceuta, completed prior to 1932[12]

Titanic

[Workers leaving the Harland & Wolff shipyard in early 1911. The RMS _Titanic_ can be seen in the background, underneath the Arrol Gantry.] The company was contracted by Harland and Wolff Shipyard, Belfast, to construct a large gantry (known as the Arrol Gantry) for the construction of three new super-liners, one of which was called the RMS _Titanic_. Like the ships themselves, the gantry crane was one of the largest built at the time, comparing with transporter bridges in length, height and capability.[13]

Hikitia

[Hikitia at the Taranaki St wharf in Wellington] The company also built the crane for the Hikitia in 1926, which is thought to be the last fully operational self-propelled steam crane in the world.

Demise of the business

The company was acquired by Clarke Chapman in 1969 and the Dalmarnock Works were closed in 1986.[14]

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[9] 20th Century Naval Dockyards, Devonport and Portsmouth Characterisation Report, Naval Dockyards Society, 2015

[10] Arrol Catalogue ca. 1932

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[14] NZR Cranes

title: Sir William Arrol & Co.

question: Summarize William Arrol's life before his thirties.

answer: William Arrol was born in 1839. He started work at the age of nine in a cotton mill. He worked in a cotton thread manufacturing making bobbins. He was apprenticed to a blacksmith at the age of fourteen. He worked as a journeyman blacksmith. He worked as a foreman at Laidlaw's Engineering Works.

critique: The answer omits the fact that Arrol worked as a boiler and girder maker.

critique: Went over the 2-line summary requirement

critique: The answer should mention his education.

critique: It's omitted that Arrol's first important contract was for a bridge over the Clyde at Bothwell for the North British Railway.

critique: The answer omits the fact that Arrol was given the construction of railway bridges on the Balerno line in Edinburgh.

critique: The answer omits the time period between his apprenticeship and his work at Laidlaw's Engineering Works.

question: What does the text say about why Dalmarnock Works had to close?

answer: No answer

critique: The answer should mention that the company was acquired by Clarke Chapman in 1969 and the Dalmarnock Works were closed in 1986.

critique: The answer should mention the company's demise.

critique: The answer could mention the company's demise.

critique: The answer should mention the demise of the company.


text:
**One**

His name was Steve, and he couldn’t take it anymore. He pictured himself growing old with her, while she grew old with him too. But he couldn’t grow old. Being immortal had its downsides. Now was his seven hundred years birthday and he was staring at her picture. He begged her to come back.

He thought he heard her voice when he shed a single tear and a slight breeze called him from the sea.

**Two**

He thought he heard her voice when he shed a single tear and a slight breeze called him from the sea. The windows of the room were open, and it would be a beautiful sight if he weren’t dying.
But he was dying. He was alone in the room, with wires spread all along his arms, and needles through his skin. He had that heart surgery, but apparently that new heart wasn’t working either and no doctor was able to tell the reason. The heart was beating irregularly, like a disabled man trying to walk. The heart was broken, so they tossed it out.

The man watched the sun go down as he breathed his last breath.

**Three**

The man watched the sun go down as he breathed his last breath.
He woke up and the room was full of light. There was something unrecognizably fluffy under his feet, like he was walking on cotton. A woman dressed in white was staring at him.
“Is she here?” he asked. “No, she’s not”. “Where is she?” “She’s never been around.” “I’m coming back.” “You can’t go back.” “I can’t stay here either. I have to go back to her. I have to go home.”
She smiled.

“Don’t be silly” she said. “Home is where your heart is.”

**Four**

“Don’t be silly” she said. “Home is where your heart is.”
He smiled to her, remembering an old song from U2 that had a verse somewhat like that one. He was holding his sweatshirt – which he didn’t even recall having. It had been with her for months.
-You sure you can’t stay with this? – He asked, shaking the sweatshirt stupidly – I won’t ever be able to use it again.
-I haven’t stretched it that much. – She said, pretending to be offended and repressing a smile, which he noticed.
-It’s not about that. There’s your perfume all over it.
She blushed and her eyes filled with tears.
-Nah, you’re gonna work it out. – Now she pretended to smile, repressing a tear.
Which he noticed.
-Yeah, you’re right. See you later. – He said unleashing a smirk.

Once she turned her back, he started crying.

**Five**

Once she turned her back, he started crying. He couldn’t let her leave like that. He wouldn’t let her leave like that.
-Please, please. – He yelled, running after her and grabbing her suitcases. – Stay. Please.
-Not anymore, Henry. I can’t do this anymore.
-I’ll change.
-You can’t – She turned to him, picking up her baggage. – Neither can I. I’m sorry. – Her voice was hurt, and that was what truly hurt him. It cut his heart and soul and left him stranded by the door while she got in the cab and left.

He would never see her again.

**Six**

He would never see her again, and that was why he was holding her so tight.
-Do you swear you’ll come back? – She wouldn’t.
-I do, honey. It’s only for six months. – It wasn’t.
-Do you promise to remember me every day? – She wouldn’t.
-Of course I do. There’s nothing or anyone who can get you outta my head. – There was.
-No French guy? – No.
-No, you silly, no French guy, or American guy or any other kind of guy. – Yes.
-I’ll miss you. – True.
-I’ll miss you too. – True.

She had a nice life in Paris.

**Seven**

She had a nice life in Paris. She had a boyfriend and a dog; she was living with her parents and hanging around with good friends. Nothing could go wrong and she would never get hurt because she couldn’t feel anything.
Till a night a guy came along, and he had a broken heart. She realized she also had a heart, and her heart didn’t fit in Paris. Then her heart didn’t fit in the world. But her heart fit on his.
But he was broken, then so got she. Then he left her back in Paris, and she hoped Paris would be enough again someday.

He left back to the world, wandering brokenly ever after.

title: Seven Random Stories About Broken-Hearted Men

question: Summarize the main theme of the stories.

answer: The main theme is heartbreak. The stories all center on broken-hearted men who are trying to get over their pain. They are all trying to find closure and move on.

critique: The stories are not trying to find closure and move on.

question: Summarize the causes for the characters' broken hearts.

answer: The woman in "Two" loves a man who doesn't love her, who eventually dies of his heart ailment. The woman in "Three" seems to have left the man she loves, with the man vowing to change her mind. The woman in "Seven" is with a man whose heart she fell in love with but ended up leaving to her boyfriend in Paris. The broken-hearted man in "Four" is in love with the woman who is leaving him. The broken-hearted man in "Five" loves a woman who ends up leaving him. The broken-hearted man in "Six" is with a woman who is leaving him for six months.

critique: The response includes extraneous information not useful for the task.

critique: The woman in "Two" is not the one who loves a man who doesn't love her.

critique: The woman in "Two" is not in love with the man who dies. She is his wife.

critique: The answer is a summary of the stories, not the causes of the broken hearts.

critique: "The woman in "Two" loves a man who doesn't love her, who eventually dies of his heart ailment." - this is incorrect. The woman in "Two" is the man who died of a heart ailment.

critique: The woman in "Two" is not in love with the man who dies of his heart ailment.

critique: The man in "Two" is immortal, and the woman in "Three" is dead.

text: The answer omits the man in "One".

question: Summarize what the passage says about coming back to life.

answer: No answer

critique: The answer should mention the man in the second story.

critique: The answer does not mention the afterlife.

critique: The answer should mention the man who wakes up in a room full of light.

critique: The answer should mention that the man in the second story is brought back to life.

critique: The answer should mention the man who wakes up in a room with a woman in white.

critique: The passage mentions coming back to life in the first story.

critique: The answer should mention the first story.

critique: The answer should mention that coming back to life is mentioned in story one.

question: What does the story say about same-sex relationships?

answer: No answer

critique: While there are no same-sex relationships in the stories, the characters often engage in romantic relationships with people of the opposite sex.

critique: The answer should mention the mention of same-sex relationships in the last story.


text:
The clanging sound I’d heard a thousand times before rang through my head like a warning alarm; the "5 minutes till lights out" bell. That’s what my life has been reduced to, a government enforced bedtime. I miss the days of being free to duck out to the shops for a snack, or to heat up a microwavable meal when I wanted it. I used to spend all my free time at home with Miranda, doing boring things like watching too many movies and marathoning too many TV shows. That's how it should be now, free to do as we please instead of Miranda trapped underground and me trapped in a cell.

I’d been woken up one lazy Saturday morning by a pounding at the door. Miranda bounded over the messy living room floor, knocking over the previous night's dinner bowl on her way. She peeked through the peephole and let out a hushed squeal of delight, before opening the deadlocks and swinging the front door open. Not a second after she turned the handle, the sound of a gunshot pierced my skull. It was just like in the movies, Miranda falling backwards and crashing into the ground like a big tree being cut down. I'll spare you the details, but it was messy.

After that morning, I devoted my life to finding who'd shot her. I was determined to get revenge. It took months, but eventually all the details fell into place. His name was Big P, or at least that was his street name. Big P was a pretty "well known" drug dealer, specialising in the heavy stuff. Miranda had got in contact with him during her senior year, when she was suffering constant panic attacks. Starting out, she became addicted to pot and codeine, before working her way up to coke. Turns out she owed Big P a fairly decent sum of money, and when she didn't pay up, his patience ran out and he shot her. Just like he'd shot the countless other young girls that couldn't pay him. The cops hadn't got him yet because he works through a clever network of messengers and runners, only doing the work himself when absolutely necessary. Word is he also had some pretty strong connections up high too, making him virtually invisible to the law.

When I did eventually find him, I took Miranda's car and slammed straight into his. It all went so smoothly I thought it was a dream; I escaped unharmed, and Big P sat dead in his car, the blood on his forehead from smashing into the windscreen as vivid and viscous as the blood of those he'd shot. The plan was for the police to think of it as an accident, to be glad a murderous drug lord was off the streets, and forget about the whole accident. When they found out that the car belonged to Miranda, they launched an investigation and well, here I am.

When the court ordered psychiatrist asked me if I regret what I did, I said "Not for a single second," which probably didn't help my sentence. Why should I regret it? He was endangering lived by selling drugs, and then putting those lives in more danger by pulling the trigger in their face. I took care of him, I took the trash out. If it had been the cops that got to him it would've been fine, but I was a civilian, "acting out of spite" and "without remorse". And if that makes me a murderer, then I will wear that badge with pride.

The lights went out in the jail. "Lights out! Yelled a guard, in case we couldn't work that out ourselves.

Oh what I would give to spend another day watching cheesy dramas with Miranda, escaping the horrors of the world. What I would give for this to have just been one big nightmare...

I was woken up by a pounding at the door. Miranda bounded over the messy living room floor, knocking over the previous night's dinner bowl on her way. She peeked through the peephole and let out a hushed squeal of delight, before opening the deadlocks and swinging the front door open...

title: [SP] The Alarm

question: What does the story say about why the narrator didn't feel remorse for killing the man who murdered Miranda?

answer: The narrator feels that the man deserved to die. He sold drugs, which led to the death of Miranda. The man is also a murderer who became invisible to the law. The narrator also reveals that he has regrets about depriving himself of spending more time with Miranda, who is now dead.

critique: The narrator does not feel remorse for killing the man who killed Miranda. He does not regret killing the man.

critique: The narrator doesn't regret killing the man who murdered Miranda because he killed him for revenge.

critique: The narrator doesn't feel remorse because he killed the man who murdered Miranda.

critique: The narrator did not regret killing the man, he regrets the fact that he is now in jail.

critique: The narrator doesn't regret killing the man because he killed Miranda. He regrets not spending more time with her.

critique: The narrator doesn't regret killing the man because he killed Miranda. He regrets that he killed the man because he killed Miranda.

question: What does the story say about what led to Miranda's tragic and sudden death?

answer: Miranda was a drug addict who got in contact with Big P, a drug dealer, during her senior year when she was suffering from constant panic attacks. She became addicted to pot and codeine before working her way up to cocaine. Miranda owed Big P a decent sum of money and when she didn't pay up, his patience ran out and he shot her.

critique: The answer omits that Miranda was killed because she couldn't pay Big P.

critique: The answer omits the narrator's role in Miranda's death.

critique: The answer could be more specific about the specific drug she was addicted to.

critique: It's omitted that Big P used Miranda as a dealer, buying the drugs from her and selling them on.

critique: The answer should mention that the narrator tracked down Big P and killed him.

critique: The answer omits that Miranda was killed by a gunshot.

critique: It's omitted that Miranda's car was used to run over Big P, killing him.


text:
**I wrote this as a 'technical' exercise in story telling. I've been trying to find a style, experimenting with different methods. If you have any feedback, I'd love to hear it. I wasn't going to do anything else with the story but if you have an idea about where you thought it would go, that'd be interesting to hear too ;-)**

“It’s funny when you think about the things that used to be important in’t it?” Darren asked of nobody in particular. “You know, when you’d save up your brass for the latest bit of kit; going to work every day, takin’ shit off folk, trying to get yer sen up the ladder, just for a bit more brass, perpetuating the bullshit cycle and all that.”

The other 2 men seated in the dark office remained silent. The paraphernalia of bureaucracy lay scattered about the place. Papers littered the floor and the powerless computer screens stared out from desks like dead eyes.

“See the thing is, it’s sort of ironic innit?” continued Darren, licking away the bead of sweat that had formed on his upper lip. “After putting all that effort into working to try and get the stuff we wanted, we’re still ‘ere working when all the stuff we want has gone and we’re not very likely to ever see it again.”

Christian loosened his tie and rose to his feet. Regarding Darren with a barely disguised look of contempt he drew himself up to his full 6 feet and fixed the smaller man with a hard stare.

“I’ll tell you what Darren.” he said. “Your constant rambling is starting to get right on my tits. At the end of the day, I’m pretty fucking sure nobody chose to find themselves in this situation, and even in the state that we’re in, we’re faring quite a good deal better than most of the other poor bastards out there.”

Christian remembered the first time he met Darren, a replacement for an assistant promoted to pastures new. He’d arrived late, a small bloke with ratlike features who scuttered into his office dressed in a ill-fitting cheap suit, shiny at the arse and elbows, worn thin through years of sitting slouched over a desk. Christian couldn’t help but wonder if he was still wearing the same suit now, 5 years later.

Darren’s eyes darted away from the intense stare. “I d’int mean anything by it mate. Just trying to make conversation is all. You know what I mean don’t you Baz?”

Barry, the third member of the group looked up from the floor where an errant paperclip had held his attention for the last 5 minutes, opened his mouth to reply, then thought better of it, lowering his gaze to the floor again.

Christian turned to face the shuttered windows of the office and chanced a peek through the slats into the outside world below.

“Stay away from the window Chris!” hissed Barry, startling Christian and causing him turn quickly and bang his leg against an office table. “They can’t know we’re in here. We’ve heard from no-one else for ages so we’ve pretty much got to assume we’re ‘it’ now.”

Rubbing his leg Christian hobbled across to Barry who - still seated - turned his head to face him.

“Let’s put it this way Baz.” Christian lowered his face to Barry’s level. “We were set up to deal with this, well, for want of a better word ‘situation’, but at the end of the day how likely do you think ‘they’ thought it was that this situation would or could ever happen?”

“I’d not really thought about it to be honest Chris.” replied Barry. “But as it has happened, don’t you think we should try and do something about it?”

“Do what? Me, you and Shirley Bassey here against, well, against all of that out there?” he adjusted his posture to indicate the shuttered window. “What exactly do you propose we do?”

title: Where does this go?

question: What does the story say about Darren?

answer: Darren is a small man with ratlike features who scutters into the office late, wearing a cheap suit. He rants about the state of the world and how he wishes he could go back to the days when he was saving up for the latest bit of kit. Darren's rants get on Christian's nerves, and he tells Darren to stop.

critique: Darren's rants are about the state of the world and how he wishes he could go back to the days when he was saving up for the latest bit of kit.

question: What does the story say about Darren and Christian?

answer: Darren and Christian are in a dark office. Darren is rambling about the things that used to be important in life. Christian tells him to stop rambling because it's getting on his tits. Darren apologizes.

question: What does the story say about its setting?

answer: The story is set in a dark office with paraphernalia of bureaucracy scattered about. The powerless computer screens stared out from desks like dead eyes. Outside the window, a slatted shutter covers the window.

critique: The answer should mention that the office is in a situation that has become apocalyptic.

critique: The computer screens are dead, not the eyes.

question: What does the story say about Barry and Christian?

answer: Barry and Christian are co-workers who are stuck in an office. They are waiting for something to happen. They are not sure what is happening.

critique: The answer does not mention the reason why they are stuck in the office.

critique: The answer is too vague and only covers the surface of what is happening in the story.


text:
Okay Reddit. First time I'm posting something to an audience outside of my small circle of friends. Hope you like it. I'm from India so you have the references here and there. Shouldn't stop you from getting it, though. Hope you like it :)

This story formed itself on three separate occasions and was finally written on a cold winter day on a Lutyens' Delhi building's terrace. It became more special after I recited it to someone immediately after its completion. Not very often do I get to read stories out but for the one time I did, it sure feels good. This story for me (like the others) is like winter. Cold, numb fingers and dull aches, but some warmth inside, and just about enough. I hope you like it :)

"Do ghosts live on Peepul trees?" I ask, peering across the terrace into the hazy silhouette of a clump of trees far away. The winter sun trying its best to warm my bones against the chilly wind that plays with my messy hair. "Ghosts and Gods both." says my aunt knowingly as she pours me yet another cup of strong, milky tea. A mug, rather. I warm my numb fingers on it. I am cold. I'm in a village for all practical purposes. My phone does not work here, buffaloes sit lazily basking in the faded sun, children quarrel over a game of marbles, and a twenty-year-old misfit sips tea sitting on a cot.

Needless to say, this is not my natural habitat. For one, I can see the sky in all its sprawling, blue glory. Two birds skip off the draft and dive one after the other to swoop onto some unknowing prey. Somewhere, a rooster crows, which is quite odd for two o clock in the afternoon. Also odd for this time of the day is the cold that seeps through to my bones. I tell my aunt about life in the city. She listens wide-eyed. She cannot fathom the coldness of it all, the steel and glass prison that I work in, the dreadful fact that I know exactly how each day is going to be. She does not understand how free I feel here without my cell phone chaining me like an invisible umbilical cord, how clear the air here is without a thousand conversations riding the airwaves form tower to tower. All is well in my world though, as she pours me yet another cup of tea. I smile. Family.

As the clock strikes four, children start pouring into the terrace. My cousin sister, all of nineteen, is the neighbourhood teacher, a prestigious title earned through months of reading aloud the alphabet, teaching children to dot their i's and cross their t's and much red ink spread over her soft palms. The children eye me suspiciously. After a while they decide I'm no threat and a couple of them greet me. "Good Morning, Sir!" they say in that sing song chorus I used to be a part of, long back. I smile again.

This class is quite different from any I have seen. The children, aging from five to ten, do not sit still. They laugh and cry freely. They sing their lessons. Some are struggling to hold pencils while some are proud to be old enough to wield pens, prized possessions no doubt for those little fingers. It is, in a way, like an overgrown garden. Disordered and chaotic but oh, so beautiful.

One little boy stands out, though. There's something strange about him even in this scene which is none too familiar to me. He takes and exceptionally long time to write. I kneel next to him and peer into his notebook, bound with thread. All the words are misspelt, the letters are fractured,misshapen little creatures, and the boy's face is a mixture of confusion and terror. I look at my sister with concern. She nods silently and tells the class to write numeral to a hundred. She walks over to me and looks into his book. Then she looks at me, her eyes full of exasperation and silent despair. "There's something wrong with him." she says, the winter haze making its way into her voice. "He's just slow to learn. He's not too rich. His father was supposed to come see me today." She looks at him with sadness. He merely smiles as he squints into the sun. "Take care of him will you?" she says and leaves me with him.

I am now a helpless subject of the boy's scrutiny. he squints at me face, the winter sun giving me a halo. I try to smile, but it falters. This will not go well, I think. I need something to say, to engage his mind, so much more free than mine. "Do you like aeroplanes? I ask him , finding my saviour in a flash of supposed brilliance. "Planes." he says after a couple of seconds of incomprehension, his face lighting up. "Planes!" he says again, his hands tracing a flight path, cutting through the cold air. "Let's make one!" I say with poorly disguised relief and I tear out two pages from his notebook and give him one. I make the first folds quickly, my fingers using their own memory saved from eons ago when I used to fly. He sits there confused, his fingers not grasping the movements, ever so slightly out of his control. I repeat slowly. He follows this time. He laughs clearly as he does and the air is warmer, if only by a fraction.

As his small hands struggle to give life to the piece of paper, I see him deep in penance, wanting nothing more to bend the paper and his own limbs to his will. Ages pass by with me lost in the slow dance his fingers play with the paper, becoming more and more refined until he makes the final fold with all the grace of a finishing pirouette. As we walk to the boundary I silently pray that it flies well, to some unknown tree-dwelling deity, lord of planes and the winter wind.

The child blows into the paper plane in a ritual he is sure will lend it magical wings, and jumps slightly as he releases it into the vast, cold expanse of air.

And it flies majestically, circling us and riding a draft into a slow dive reminiscent of the two birds, then stalling, then diving again and continuing its graceful pirouette as the boy's wide eyes follow it in flight, even as he dives and stalls with the plane, no longer bound by his form, and having lived its short life with the grace of a dying star, the plane lands on a buffalo sitting some distance away. The animal merely grunts and goes promptly back to chewing its cud, a business more important than all the machinations of this world.

I look at him. He is laughing. He is in fits. "You did well." is all I can muster. I ruffle his hair gleaming brown in the sun, and he nods with twinkling eyes. I turn around to see an old man, whose eyes tell me he is the father. "He did well." I say weakly to him. He merely nods, other gestures being foreign to him. He picks the child up into his arms, never too weak for his son. Then he looks at me with a smile and moist eyes. I cannot look away. They are too deep for me to swim away.

My mind goes back five years when I had returned with my examination results to my father. "You could have done better." was all he had said. I remember sitting there under the same sun with the result sheep in my hand, a piece of paper that would never, ever fly.

I look at the child and his father again. It's not cold anymore. The wind stands still as if in respect, and for a moment the sun shines brighter.

Then it hits me .

The boy isn't broken.

I am.

I walk away silently and gaze across the open fields into infinity until my eyes are moist.

Perhaps it is just the cold wind.

Perhaps.

title: Broken

question: How does the narrator feel about being in the village?

answer: The narrator is not used to living in a village and feels cold, stiff, and out of place.

critique: It's omitted that the narrator feels free and clear.

critique: The story doesn't mention how much the narrator is affected by the cold. He or she is described as having cold, numb fingers despite wearing gloves, having "dull aches," and feeling like their "bones are iced from within." The pallor of the description implies that most of the pain is emotional rather than physical. Chilliness and stiffness may also be mildly physical manifestations of external circumstances and unpleasant emotional states.

question: How does the narrator's opinion of the boy change?

answer: He starts off thinking the boy is broken because he is slow to learn. He thinks the boy is like the narrator five years earlier. However, in the end he realizes that the boy isn't broken, he realizes that he is.

critique: The narrator's opinion of the boy doesn't change.

critique: The boy's slow learning isn't the reason the narrator changes his mind about the boy. The boy is slow to learn because he is slow to learn.

critique: The narrator thinks the boy is slow to learn, not broken.

critique: The narrator's opinion doesn't change, the boy is still slow to learn, but the narrator realizes that he is the one who is broken.

critique: The narrator realizes that he is the one who is broken.

question: Summarize the role of the buffalo.

answer: The buffalo here represent the plodding and simplistic nature of the boy's father. He is apparently incapable of interacting with humans who have emotions and feelings greater than him. The buffalo truly place no value on the planes, just like the father could not see value in his own son's skill and joy. The buffalo also represent nature, as this seems blind to human anxiety and sadness as well.

critique: The buffalo are not a symbol of the boy's father.

critique: The dialogue between the narrator and the boy's father is made up for the sake of the summary.

critique: The buffalo is a metaphor for the father's lack of appreciation.

critique: The buffalo is not mentioned as representing the boy's father.

question: What is the narrator's purpose in the village?

answer: The narrator holds an undeserved prestige that he feels horribly ill-equipped to occupy. The teacher has asked the narrator take care of one of the naughty boys, who suffers from dyslexia, and has even more social problems than the narrator does.

critique: This is a little confusing and the question is pretty straightforward.

critique: The second part of the answer is unattested.

text: The response includes inaccurate details that are not evidenced in the text. The boy is not naughty and doesn't suffer from dyslexia.

category: accuracy

refinement: The narrator holds an undeserved prestige that he feels horribly ill-equipped to occupy. The teacher has asked the narrator take care of one of the naughty boys, who suffers from dyslexia, and has even more social problems than the narrator does.


text:
“You should put on some long pants,” I advised my brother.

We headed down through a yellow field of tall grasses.  Its slope converged at the center like a valley, here, high among the San Francisco foothills.  The Western sun shone gently upon our earnest escapades.  I wanted our adventures to embody the spirit of this city, a mystical bastion of all freedoms.

The field's ending was demarcated by a sort of incomplete fence, probably put there decades ago by the Spanish or the young American imperialists.  We stumbled to the gate, which hung open perfectly and allowed the cool ocean breeze to pass through like a gust of its own breath.  Matt was waiting on the other side.  He was a year older and wiser, well acquainted with the ways of the city's center.  He'd told us stories about all of the nooks and strange neighborhoods, the nudists and the secret passageways and the unique chill you could feel when you ate ice cream on the beach near the Golden Gate Bridge.

Matt was just the person I wanted to see.  Though I knew it would disappoint my brother, my goal would be aided by this traveler's expertise with the city's heartbeat.  I bid my time as we made our way through the less fertile crags of the hills, full of rocks, mosses, and bird droppings.

We overcame the precipice, and I could see a large numbers of graves in the direction we were heading in.  As we approached, I heard a slight buzz.  Matt groaned and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket.

“I have to get home for dinner, guys.  Sorry.  Maybe tomorrow.”

*Damn*, I thought.  I consoled myself with the knowledge that I couldn't have asked him now, anyway.  I could still enjoy this exploration- what appeared to be an antique cemetery, alone with my similarly-minded brother.  We stepped up, upon the artificially elevated ground of the yard, and looked around.  The rows went on for what seemed like forever.  I noticed a huge chamber near the center, which had to be a tomb for someone important.  As I went along, I observed the dates on the graves.  I was surprised at the age: they were almost exclusively from the mid-to-late 1700s, and the few exceptions were only slightly newer.  One must have been a young boy: his date of death was just before his eighth birthday.  Some had flowery patterns carved into the sides, and there were the customary cherubic angels tending to the invisible gardens growing atop the headstones.

I reached the massive tomb.  The faded brown doors exuded an antiquated feeling, and I could see that the stony sides were cracking.  Looking around and discovering no unwanted observers, I drew closer.  I saw notes and small trinkets scattered upon the small floor in front of the entrance.  Upon further inspection, the door was missing one of its bolts.  This rendered it almost imperceptibly ajar, but the opening was there.  I cautiously took another step forward and heard a crunch under my foot.  Curious, I leaned down and picked up the note.

The handwriting was scrawled hurriedly, and I could barely make it out on the piece of paper that was shredded at all corners.  After a little scrutiny, I picked out the strange message:

“NOT ME AGAIN”

I dropped it and ran blindly from the tomb.  My eyes scanned the graveyard and I realized that I didn't know where my brother was.  I tripped and fell, and collected myself against General Juan Pablo de la Trinidad's epitaph.  Slowly, I was able to calm myself, and rationalized it by acknowledging the likelihood of bored vandals.

My brother came trudging up from the left.  “A lot of old graves,” he quipped.

I brushed off my jeans, embarrassed at my former fright.   The sun now hung just a nickel's width above the Pacific, and I reminded my brother that we should head back.  I hadn't talked to Matt or seen the cool parts of the city, but I had tomorrow.  I still had to visit Fortunata, and who knew what she might show me?

title: The Old Cemetery

question: Summarize the motivations of the narrator.

answer: The narrator is an adventurous soul who treasures a deep passion for San Francisco along with his brother, whom he is exploring the city with. The three friends encounter a cemetery on their trek, Matt had to leave and the narrator invites his brother along with him on the continued journey to see if there's more they missed.

critique: Matt did not leave, he had to go home for dinner.

critique: There is no evidence that the narrator invites his brother to accompany him on the continued journey.

critique: The narrator is not exploring the city with his brother.

critique: The narrator is not exploring the city with his brother. He is exploring the city with Matt.

critique: The narrator is not an adventurous soul. He is an adventurous person.

critique: The narrator was always trying to bring his brother along on adventures. He also seems to care about him and doesn't want to disappoint him.

critique: The narrator is not an adventurous soul. He is just a curious person.

text: The answer omits that the narrator's goal to explore the city was through Matt's expertise with the city's heartbeat. It should include this.

refinement: The narrator is an adventurous soul who treasures a deep passion for San Francisco along with his brother, whom he is exploring the city with. The three friends encounter a cemetery on their trek, Matt had to leave and the narrator invites his brother along with him on the continued journey to see if there's more they missed.

question: What does the story say about Matt?

answer: Matt is the narrator's brother. He's a year older than the narrator and the narrator hopesMatt will take them both on a tour of San Francisco. Matt likes to tell stories about the city's secret passageways, nudists, and ice cream shops by the Golden Gate Bridge.

critique: The answer omits his friend and his role in the story.

critique: The answer should mention that Matt leaves early.

text:
-'...and ice cream shops by the Golden Gate Bridge.' This is incorrect. Matt told them about the chill you'd feel when you ate ice cream on the beach near the Golden Gate Bridge, not the ice cream shops by the bridge.
-'hopesmatt' should be separated.
-The answer omits that Matt told them about all the nooks and the city's strange neighborhoods. It should include this as well.

category: other

refinement: Matt is the narrator's brother. He's a year older than the narrator and the narrator hopesMatt will take them both on a tour of San Francisco. Matt likes to tell stories about the city's secret passageways, nudists, and ice cream shops by the Golden Gate Bridge.

category_text: All of the above.

question: What does the text say about the narrator's parents?

answer: No answer

critique: The narrator's parents are not mentioned in the text.

critique: The text does not mention the narrator's parents.

critique: The narrator mentions the mindset their parents would have had if they kept a tighter rein on their more venturesome kids.


text:
Thank you very much for taking the time to read this because I need you to give me constructive criticism on my still in-progress work. I know it is incomplete, but I need advice about my writing style, appeal, etc. so I can better myself. If you like it, great! If you do not like it, tell me why you do not like it in a constructive manner. I hope my paper is free of grammatical errors and I hope you enjoy the first chapter of "The Lone Wolf"!

I pressed the ashes and the dirt together into a neat mound and I stood up to look at it. Tears welled up in my eyes and I wiped them with my sleeve. After only a week’s struggle, both of my parents were dead and I was alone. I looked around at the destruction around me, seeing fires blacken rubble and electric wires sparkling. I looked back down at the grave and my makeshift cross, hoping it would suffice for the sacrifice my parents made to me by protecting me in the last raid. Now, I needed to survive by myself and for myself. I said a few quiet words for my parents and I prepared myself for the road ahead of me.

            My name is Michael Greaves, a seventeen year-old survivor on the road trying to scavenge for food and water. I was a military brat before this cataclysmic event and my parents were military veterans from the Marine Corps. I barely outlasted a bandit raid with my MP5 submachine gun and my P99 pistol, but my parents saved me in the flash of the last moments of their lives. When the marauders stormed the remains of our house and ran down to the cellar, my parents brandished combat knives and they ambushed them. I was told to sit in the corner with my MP5 on my lap and a blanket over my body so the bandits wouldn’t see me, but I watched my parents wrestle them to the ground. I heard a shot ring out in the cellar and my mother screamed. The second shot sounded soon after the first. All was silent and I was trying my hardest not to cry out and tears were falling out of my eyes. I quickly wiped my face and I tore off the blanket, revealing my gun. I shouted my loudest and longest shout as I was unloading all of my bullets uncontrollably on these helpless thieves. I wasted all of my MP5 ammunition on their dead bodies. Once my voice cracked, I stopped screaming and I returned to the cruel reality of my parents’ deaths. I fell to my knees and I slumped over their bodies and I must have cried all night.

            When dawn’s light reached through the cracks of the cellar’s ceiling, I knew what I had to do. When I picked up my mother, I wept hard once again. I tried carrying my mother up the broken stairs and it felt as if all of the world’s weight was put on my arms. When I got outside, my knees broke down in an empty space apart from all of the rubble around me and I set my mother down. This was hard on me both mentally and emotionally and I couldn’t think of an even worse way of their deaths.

I dragged my feet down the stairs and I saw my father lying on his side with his back turned to me. I tried picking up my father, but I was too weak and I cried again. I didn’t even want to drag him up the stairs, pulling his dead arms, but it was the only way. His head was knocked around on the broken stairs and it only made me feel worse about myself. I pulled his body next to my mother and I went back downstairs to get a shovel.

With every scoop of dirt, ash, and rubble, I grunted pathetically every single time. The grunting only got progressively worse when I kept looking at my parents’ peaceful faces. Tears flew out of my eyes with every deliberate scoop. I took a long break to avoid thinking about my parents, but it was the only thing I could think about and I cried silently when I returned to work. I finished digging and I looked at the close sunset on the horizon. I didn’t want to leave my parents out here in the cold, but it was too dangerous to linger out here with raiders lurking about. I placed my parents in one grave together and they looked peaceful together. I put my mother’s right hand in my father’s left hand and it somehow made me feel better, but I ignored the feeling quickly and I garrisoned myself in the cellar.

After dawn made its appearance again the next day, I emerged from the cellar and I found my parents unchanged. I started to drop the dirt on my parents from their feet to their heads. I didn’t cry this time because I knew I needed to become strong from this experience and keep moving forward with my life. The mound was irregularly arranged, but I changed my focus to the headstone for them. I didn’t know how to honor their sacrifice so greatly with only a few words carved in stone, and instead, I took two broken planks and twine and I crafted a makeshift cross. I stuck the cross at the head of their grave and I pressed the dirt and ashes together into a neat mound.

No matter how hungry or thirsty I was, I still took a knee and said a few words for the funeral service:

“Mother and Father, I’m terribly sorry I couldn’t protect you. Your deaths were your ultimate sacrifice to me and I am humbly grateful for all you have done to nurture and protect me. I know you wouldn’t want me to result to vengeance because that is not what God wants. Your sacrifices were intended to keep me alive and I will survive by any means necessary.”

My voice became very dry and I could talk no more. I went inside the cellar to prepare myself for the road ahead of me. I took the marauder’s pistols, the remainder of canned food, the last two bottles of water, my parents’ bloody combat knives and their assault rifles, a bottle of painkillers, and I put them all in my backpack. It was a heavy load, but I knew it would get lighter over time. I emerged from the cellar at around noon and the sun shown brightly on my face. I pulled my ripped handkerchief up to my eyes and I put my sunglasses on. I tightened my backpack’s straps and I started on the road.

title: The Lone Wolf (still in working progress; read description before reading short story)

question: Summarize what the story wants its readers to feel.

answer: The story wants its readers to feel sympathy for Michael, who is now alone after his parents died protecting him. The story also wants its readers to feel the pain of Michael's loss.

critique: The story also wants its readers to feel the pain of Michael's loss.

text: The story also wants the readers to feel anger towards the marauders and the senseless death of Michael's parents.

question: What imagery is prominent in the story?

answer: The imagery of the sun, the moon, and the stars is prominent in the story. The sun shines brightly on the narrator's face as he emerges from the cellar. He looks at the sun and the moon at the same time. The stars are mentioned when the narrator says that his parents' sacrifice was intended to keep him alive.

critique: The imagery of the sun doesn't take place at all. It's replaced with a makeshift cross grave

text: "The sun shines brightly on the narrator's face as he emerges from the cellar. He looks at the sun and the moon at the same time. The stars are mentioned when the narrator says that his parents' sacrifice was intended to keep him alive." - the sun shining is irrelevant and the last sentence makes no sense.

question: Where is the narrator headed to?

answer: The narrator is headed to a place where their parents likely kept track of any survivors there.

critique: "I know you wouldn’t want me to result to vengeance because that is not what God wants." makes it clear that the narrator will not give into revenge.

text: The answer is incorrect. Michael's destination was never mentioned in the story.

question: Describe the relationship that the narrator had with his parents.

answer: The narrator's parents were military veterans from the Marine Corps. They were killed protecting their son from bandits.

critique: The answer could include one more detail to better summarize the relationship.

critique: The answer should mention that the narrator is a military brat.


text:
[]When was the last time you reached out to a reporter without a story to pitch?

If you’re like many nonprofit communicators, you might be straining to answer this question because it’s been a long time.

This is especially true if your role isn’t exclusively focused on media relations. If your work also involves some combination of social media, marketing, speechwriting, fundraising solicitations, event planning, blogging, and managing the production of your annual report, it’s hard to carve out the time to actually build relationships with reporters and editors.

As a result, your media relations work largely focuses on sending out news releases. Often at the last minute.

And, often, you send those releases out of obligation or habit — not because you think they are actually going to result in a media hit.

But if you care about getting better coverage for your organization, I’d like to try to break this cycle by giving you an assignment.

I’d like you to try to pick up a reporter.

Of course, I don’t mean this in the get-a-number-and-let’s-go-out context.

What I’m suggesting is much more, let’s say, professionally correct.

The first step is to identify a reporter who works for a news outlet that reaches a key audience for your nonprofit. Ideally, it’s a reporter who you’ve been thinking that you should build a relationship with.

Now here’s the catch — you’re not allowed to pitch a story with your initial outreach.

Instead, you’re simply going to introduce yourself or your organization to that reporter — and make it clear that you’re there to help.

That’s it.

You’re not going to try to sell him a story idea or get her to come to your annual dinner.

You’re simply aiming to start a relationship that will eventually evolve into a story or an invite or an interview.

How do you do this?

It’s easier than you might think.

Ideally, you want to START THE RELATIONSHIP BY SENDING THE REPORTER OR EDITOR THREE IMPORTANT SIGNALS:

1.  You follow and respect his or her work.
2.  You or your organization can be a resource in future reporting.
3.  You’re not looking to simply pitch stories — you want to be a partner.

The first step in this process involves a bit of legwork.

YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO SPEND A LITTLE BIT OF TIME GETTING TO KNOW THE JOURNALIST’S WORK. Go online and look at recent stories he or she has covered. Pay attention to the themes they cover and the examples they cite.

Next, think about how you can help.

Perhaps it’s by providing them with background data or a report. Perhaps it’s by having them get to know your executive director. Perhaps it’s by offering to connect them with a partner organization that does similar work.

The next step takes a bit of courage.

Send that reporter an introductory email or note.

If you don’t know where to start, LET ME GIVE YOU A FEW SUGGESTED “PICKUP LINES” OR OPENERS:

-   “I’ve enjoyed following your coverage of nonprofits for the XYZ Gazette and wanted to offer my organization as a resource to you for future stories …”
-   “Your recent piece on state budget cuts is an important one for our community because it will likely reduce the amount of aid to nonprofit organizations. As you continue to report on this story, I’m happy to put you in touch with some local experts who can add perspective …”
-   “I followed with interest your recent series on Medicaid. Since you’re interested in this topic, I thought I’d pass along a 2016 study by the ABC Institute that includes some projections that might interest you in future reporting …”

IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE FANCY OR TOO IN-DEPTH. IT SIMPLY NEEDS TO START A CONVERSATION.

Chances are, you’ll get a reply.

AND WITH THAT REPLY WILL COME AN OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE THAT BUDDING RELATIONSHIP TO THE NEXT LEVEL.

It might not pay off immediately, but in time that relationship has the potential to develop into one where you become a trusted resource for that reporter.

Author: Peter Panepento, Media Relations Expert

http://turn-two.co

Peter Panepento is the philanthropic practice leader for Turn Two Communications and Nonprofit Marketing Guide's Media Relations expert.

question: Describe some of the most helpful tips from this article.

answer: Some of the most helpful tips from this article are to identify a reporter who works for a news outlet that reaches a key audience for your nonprofit, identify a reporter who you've been thinking that you should build a relationship with, and send the reporter three important signals.

critique: The answer should indicate that the three signals can be useful pieces of advice for starting a relationship with a reporter.

critique: It is omitted that the signals are that you follow and respect his or her work, you or your organization can be a resource in future reporting, and you're not looking to simply pitch stories — you want to be a partner.

critique: The answer should mention the three signals.

critique: The answer is too vague. It should mention the three signals.

critique: The answer should mention that the signals are to follow the reporter's work, be a resource in future reporting, and not to pitch stories.

critique: The answer omits the last step of the process, which is to start a conversation.

question: How can one build a relationship with a reporter?

answer: The author suggests that one should start the relationship by sending the reporter three important signals. The first signal is that you follow and respect the reporter's work. The second signal is that you or your organization can be a resource in future reporting. The third signal is that you're not looking to simply pitch stories.

critique: The answer should mention that the signals are sent via email.

question: How helpful is this article to other reporters and journalists?

answer: It's not clear how helpful this article is to other reporters and journalists.

critique: The article is written for reporters and journalists.

critique: The article is helpful to other reporters and journalists because it gives them tips on how to build relationships with reporters.

critique: The article is helpful to other reporters and journalists.

critique: This is not a direct instruction article, so answer should indicate it is not clear if it can be helpful for other reporters in a similar way.

critique: The article is not directed at other reporters and journalists.

critique: The article is helpful to other reporters and journalists because it gives them tips on how to build relationships with other reporters and journalists.


text:
Here’s a round-up of how the Spring Statement impacts the property market.

Chancellor Philip Hammond delivered the 2019 Spring Statement in the House of Commons on Wednesday. We've sifted through the detail and picked out the main announcements that impact housing.

1. FUNDING FOR 37,000 NEW HOMES

Hammond announced plans to use £717m from the £5.5bn Housing Infrastructure Fund to unlock up to 37,000 NEW-BUILD PROPERTIES at sites including Old Oak Common in London, Didcot, Cambridge and Cheshire.

Money from the fund is given out to local authorities in the form of a grant and is used to provide the infrastructure that is needed to enable DEVELOPERS to get planning permission for sites.

While the funding is good news for these communities, it is likely to be a while before it leads to new-build homes becoming available to buy or rent, as the money is used at the very start of the development process.

2. SUPPORT FOR 30,000 AFFORDABLE HOMES

The Government will guarantee up to £3bn of borrowing by housing associations in England to support the delivery of around 30,000 affordable homes.

The money, available via the Affordable Homes Guarantee Scheme, should enable affordable housing providers to boost their output through lower borrowing costs.

While the move is obviously good news for the affordable homes sector, the 30,000 properties the scheme will help to deliver is only a fraction of the Government’s target of having 300,000 new properties built across the UK every year.

3. MORE PROPERTIES FOR OXFORD-CAMBRIDGE ARC

A further £445m is being unlocked from the Housing Infrastructure Fund to unlock more than 22,000 homes in the Oxford-Cambridge Arc.

Further details on how the money will be used were not given, but it is likely to be spent on providing the infrastructure that is needed to enable housing developments to go ahead.

Housing affordability pressures in the Oxford-Cambridge Arc have intensified in recent years as the output of new homes has failed to keep pace with the creation of new jobs.

It is hoped that these pressures can be eased through building more properties to meet the growing demand.

The Government has previously committed to building one million new homes in the Arc by 2050.

4. SMALL BUILDERS LENDING SCHEME TO LAUNCH

Hammond confirmed that the previously-announced scheme to support smaller house builders would be launched next month.

Under the scheme, which was first announced in LAST YEAR’S BUDGET, the Government is providing £1bn of guarantees to support lending to small and medium-sized house builders through the British Business Bank.

It is hoped that the scheme will help to boost housing supply by enabling more small-scale sites to be developed through lowering funding costs for smaller house builders.

5. PLANNING PERMISSION REFORM

The Government announced plans to introduce new planning guidelines in the coming months to support housing diversification on larger sites, after a report by Sir Oliver Letwin concluded greater differentiation in the types and tenures of housing delivered on these sites would increase building rates.

A package of reforms will also be introduced allowing greater change of use between premises and a new permitted development right for existing buildings to be extended upwards to create new homes.

Finally, a green paper will be published detailing proposed improvements to accelerate the planning process.

YOU MAY ALSO BE INTERESTED IN...

-   2019 PROPERTY MARKET REGIONAL FORECAST
-   DISAPPOINTING BUDGET FAILS TO TACKLE HOUSING MARKET WOES
-   HOW DOES THE BUDGET 2018 IMPACT FIRST-TIME BUYERS?
-   LABOUR AND CONSERVATIVES' HOUSING PLANS: HOW THEY COMPARE

-   GUIDE TO BUYING A NEW-BUILD HOME

What do you think of the Spring Statement? Tell us by posting a comment below...

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question: Summarize the purpose of the Spring Statement.

answer: The 2019 Spring Statement is a round up of how the Spring Statement impacts the property market. The new housing fund will deliver 37,000 properties, including Oxford-Cambridge Arc, and supports 30,000 more affordable homes. New planning permit guidelines will accelerate building rates. The statement also looks at regional forecasts, the impact of the 2018 budget on first-time buyers, and the housing plans for Labour and Conservatives.

critique: The majority of this response is not necessary to an accurate or complete summary.

critique: The purpose of the Spring Statement is not to look at the impact of the 2018 budget on first-time buyers or the housing plans for Labour and Conservatives.

critique: It is omitted that the purpose of the Spring Statement is to inform the public of the latest economic developments.

critique: The last sentence is not relevant to the question.

question: What does the passage say about the authors of the Spring Statement?

answer: No answer

critique: The answer should mention the Chancellor.

critique: The article does have some information about the authors of the statement.

critique: It is omitted that the authors are Chancellor Philip Hammond and the House of Commons.

question: Who is the target audience for this article?

answer: While written in the voice of a reporter or news caster, it is geared toward individuals curious about how the Spring Statement effects the property market.

critique: The answer should be clearer about the target audience.

critique: The target audience is not the same as the general audience.

critique: The tone is very newsy more than "odi esery one".

critique: The article is not written in the voice of a reporter or news caster.

question: What does the passage say about the UK Prime Minister?

answer: No answer

critique: The passage does not mention the UK Prime Minister.

critique: The passage does not discuss the UK Prime Minister.

critique: There is no coverage of the Prime Minister in the passage.

critique: The answer should mention that the UK Prime Minister is not mentioned in the passage.

critique: The text does not say anything about the UK Prime Minister.

question: What does the passage say about inheritance laws?

answer: No answer

critique: The passage does not discuss inheritance laws.

critique: The passage does not mention anything about inheritance laws.

critique: The passage does not mention inheritance laws.


text:
------------------------------------------------------------------------

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[Valldemossa – picturesque mountain village with Carthusian monastery]

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[Sport Climbing in Mallorca]

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Mallorca - paradise in the middle of the turquoise blue sea

Sun-drenched, golden beaches, spectacular mountain formations and extravagant night life - Mallorca will not leave any visitor disappointed. Each coastal region has its own charm and the interior of the island is home to ancient monasteries, unspoilt villages and historic vineyards and vintners.

The coast of Mallorca is dominated by beautiful beaches and heavenly bays and towering cliffs. While the miles and miles of sandy beaches of S'Arenal and Cala Ratjada are alive and kicking in the summer, you’ll always be able to find a spot to relax in the seven-mile dunes between Campos and Sa Rapita.

The small bay of Cala Moro is surrounded by steep white cliffs in the south of Mallorca. On the rugged, wild north coast of the island is Cala de Sant Vincenc, Cala Pi de la Posada and Cala Murta – the three extremely picturesque bays.

Attractions and places in Mallorca

Simply click on the red dots to discover more about some of the most breathtaking and charming sights in Majorca...

Being at one with nature in the UNESCO World Natural Heritage site

[Holiday in Mallorca]

The Serra de Tramuntana is a spectacular mountain range in the north west of the island, which was included by UNESCO in the World Heritage List. The rocky peaks reach an altitude of 1,436 m. The mountainsides are full of terraces of vines, lemon groves and olive groves.

Surrounded by holm-oak forests, Lluc, a medieval monastery is located at an altitude of 500 m in the middle of the mountain range. At the northernmost point of the island, the Serra de Tramuntana drops steeply into the sea and the wind-capped Cap de Formentor gives you fantastic views of the glittering water surface.

Lively resorts and picturesque coastal villages

Mallorca for holiday makers is about lively resorts for some or discovering picturesque coastal villages or stunning scenery for others. Cala Millor and Cala Ratjada are the main tourist destinations on the north west coast. Further north is the coastal town of Alcúdia with its medieval old town and bay.

On the west coast lies the town of Sóller surrounded by subtropical vegetation and in the midst of the mountains the idyllic monastery village of Valdemossa is a hidden gem. Music, sangria and dancing await you in the tourist hubs of S'Arenal and Magaluf in the south of Mallorca which never seem to sleep.

question: What do all the regions in Mallorca have in common when it comes to tourist attractions?

answer: They all have sandy beaches, golden coasts, and blue seas. Each region's coastal charm stands out because the other region don't have direct access to the sea, and mountains do exist -sometimes in the interior- but are not surrounded by golden beaches, blue seas and tons of tourist facilities.

critique: The answer is irrelevant. The question is answered in the text.

critique: It is not stated that the other regions don't have direct access to the sea, and mountains do exist -sometimes in the interior- but are not surrounded by golden beaches, blue seas and tons of tourist facilities.

critique: The answer is not related to the question.

critique: The answer is not directly related to the question.

critique: Unnecessary detail is included resulting in a response that is not in keeping with the task description.


text:
A HERO OF WAR
The bright shimmering moon illuminated my bedside table,” The book of war” my little red diary lay in the centre surrounded by other personal mementos. Its obvious disorder was a source of comfort but that book had an enchanting ability to transport me into a world of heroism and adventure. I held an insatiable appetite for that stuff. Memories have faded I can’t recall everything…”Pazzck!” The loud bang of lightning, a cloud of bombs pitter pattered outside. Wait this isn’t home? The melting brown sludge slid off the walls of our trench our knee high boots filled with a toxic concoction of our own filth. The panic Intensified “Get Down!”. An enemy sniper was perched on the enemies crows nest; we were awaiting the inevitability of death by our own stupidity.

	The faint screams of missiles soared over us “Bang!” A dense green hazy fog fell from the sky dimming our precious sun light.” Gas!?...Gas! Gas! Quick boys!” An unsure struggle of fumbling to put on the on the intricate mask. Yet a man was still screaming from the deep bellows of his lungs. Wheezing for air he coughed rapidly, each time worse than the last, coughing so much the boy gagged. He looked me straight in the eyes; his red blood shot eyes filled with an ocean of water, his eyelids have redden with irritation, like an internal wound. I stole an awkward look at his face as he stumbled towards me, arms outstretched and crying in pure sorrow. The boy fell to the ground landing on my feet almost as though he was commanding me to mark his last few agonising moments. I was paralysed to the spot and fixed my petrified eyes on him as he twitched frantically. Still alive and the deep murky red water surrounded his semi-submerged face.

	We tossed his still warm body out of the trench into No Mans land. We ran still dazed by the blast and a horrific sight, a spinning trench with no left or right just a twisting labyrinth of death. Why was I so stupid? A hero of war is what wanted to be and after they’ll see and when I come home my country will be proud of me is what I thought tricked by the worm tongued men in suits. Their golden lies like sweet nectar. Continuing on in our escape of the trenches I climbed into a truck and we drove away never to return to that murderous maze.

	Why wasn’t it me? We danced with death and lived to tell the tale. Who died in the poisoned gas? Every single time I close my eyes I see his face pleading for mercy, even when I blink I am reminded of his last lunge, his last attempt for air. For a brief second I thought of home in this stalemate, a awkward silence of war .No hope to get out I held tightly on to the picture of home knowing my return will be soon.  A snowflake gently fell from the sky; I was dazed by this phenomenon of a dancing snowflake. Catching the cold dead snowflake, I peered down at my dirty black hands; it quickly melted like a broken memory.

	Looking up from my hands the biome around me changed a cold fortress of death lay in front of my allies wearing their white camouflaged Coats. We were not suited out for this pointless quest. The harsh icy winds cut like swords covered in salt, leaving a deep frozen scar making us venerable to the harsh cold I Do not fear our enemy. I hate my hate my country, I returned home after our stalemate in the cold to see that their was no welcome home, no glory for what we have done .But what have we done to receive glory to my family all they see me is a hero of war just medals and scar and so proud of, But that is all that family sees the rest of the country couldn’t care less of my well being .I questioned why I even lived or why I continue to live with this broken shell shocked mind. Every bang a bomb, every person an enemy. What has my life become?

title: A Hero Of War(first attempt at a short story)

question: What events lead the narrator to have PTSD?

answer: They were in a heated war for what seemed to be an indefinite amount of time and exposed to a whole lot of violence in form of bombs and gas.

critique: The narrator also had to watch a friend die in front of them.

critique: The phrase "whole lot of" should be removed because it appears to suggest that the word "lot" should always be used.

critique: The narrator's exposure to violence is not the only reason for his PTSD.

critique: It is omitted that the narrator is exposed to the death of a comrade.

text: It is not specifically pointed out in the text that the narrator suffers from PTSD but it is something we could guess.

question: What does the story say about trench warfare?

answer: The deployment of poisonous gas and nuclear warfare is depicted as brutal. The trenches they hid in during an airstrike were the same trenches they slept in, which were ankle deep in toxic waste and sewage. The smell of rotting flesh and decay was nauseating. The narrator struggled to breathe but they forced themselves to sit in the trench and wait out an enemy sniper's onslaught. They tried to escape the trenches after someone died at the hands of a gas attack and never return to the maze alive.

critique: The narrator is not struggling to breathe.

critique: "The narrator struggled to breathe but they forced themselves to sit in the trench and wait out an enemy sniper's onslaught." - this happened in the snow, not trench warfare.

critique: The narrator was not struggling to breathe.

critique: The narrator did not struggle to breathe.

critique: The narrator struggles to breathe because of the gas attack, not because of the smell.

critique: The trench is knee-high, not ankle-deep.