text:
What happens when a reporter calls your charity? Does everyone at your organization dive under their desks, hoping that they won’t be asked to speak on television, or give an interview?

I know I used to run from calls from reporters. But that was before I really understood what made a good story. Media relations isn’t just reacting to current events or crises. It’s about thoughtfully crafting compelling stories that reporters will be interested in covering. And with charities averaging 2 media hits per week, there is ample opportunity to tell your charity’s story.

Small organizations are uniquely positioned to address issues at the local level, but can be intimidated, and sometimes outshone by larger organizations. Sometimes it feels like smaller charities just can’t compete with those large healthcare and arts budgets. But it’s really a myth that you need to invest a lot of money to see your name in the headlines.

The truth is you can easily run a good media relations program on a shoestring. You don’t need a big budget, but what you do need is a good story and a solid strategy.

1. Publish research, reports or whitepapers

If your charity leads research, or publishes reports and whitepapers, you can turn these into news stories that reporters might just pick up on. Do you have new statistics? Controversial public opinion polling numbers? White papers about your position on a particular topic? These are excellent starting points to build a newsworthy story from.

Keep in mind, your research or whitepaper is not the story itself. The story is in how it connects to real life people, the work that you do, and the position you are taking. So don’t just put out a press release saying “we published this.”

2. Take a stance

Advocacy can be a tricky realm for charities. With limits around charities’ participation in advocacy, taking a firm stance on an issue can seem risky, but it’s a great way to grab a reporter’s attention.

Is there an issue your charity is strongly in favour of, or are completely opposed to? This is an especially effective tactic if the particular issue is already top of mind. When your cause is in the news, reach out to reporters covering the issue, and write op-eds and blogs on your website to get the word out about your position.

3. Build relationships with and steward your media list

Remember, reporters and journalists are people with interests and passions. Start building relationships with the reporters on your media list.

You can apply a lot of the same tactics here that you’d use for traditional donor stewardship. Send thank you notes after a reporter covers your issue. Mail hand-written holiday cards, or share articles you’ve come across that might be of interest to that reporter. A little can go a long way, and will help you stay top of mind when reporters are looking for commentary on a particular issue.

4. Develop and tailor your pitch

If you’re looking for good quality media hits, paying for a wire service to publish your press release may not be the best investment. Instead, use a media pitching plan to make the most of your release.

Take a look at your media list, and craft personal emails to the journalists who you want to cover your issue. Media pitches are short and punchy, and get straight to the point. Give your journalists as much lead time as you can, and make sure your news is relevant to what they normally cover.

5. Tell a story

One of the most important tools in your media toolkit is the stories you have to tell. Media outlets are interested in real stories about real people. When you’re thinking of reaching out to the media, be sure to connect it to the story about one of your beneficiaries.

In my experience, journalists will always respond to a press release or pitch by asking if there is someone whose personal story they can tell. So preempt that by being prepared. Know which beneficiaries you can connect them with, and take the time to brief those beneficiaries on the release.

6. Think outside the traditional media box

When most people think about “the news,” I’ll bet there are a few formats that pop to mind: print/digital, TV, and radio. But with the advent of self-publishing platforms, there’s a huge opportunity to publish your own news stories.

Look into platforms like Huffington Post that accept guest writers and columnists, and start submitting your stories there. You can use these crowdsourced news platforms to supplement an existing media campaign, or as an alternative to traditional news outlets. The great thing about these platforms is you control the message completely by submitting entire articles, and you can even link back to your website or campaign.

question: Summarize the author's tactics for dealing with reporters.

answer: The author suggests three main tactics: publish research or reports, weigh in on an issue or take a stance, and building relationships with and steward your media list.

critique: The first two items are not the author's tactics.

critique: The response leaves out the other tactics the author suggests.

critique: It is omitted that the author suggests to develop and tailor your pitch, and to tell a compelling story.

critique: The author suggests more than three tactics.

critique: The answer should mention the other tactics.

critique: Building relationships is not always a tactic and, if it is, should be separated from the other tactics.

critique: The response can be more specific about the author's tactics.

critique: There are more than three tactics that the author suggests.

critique: The response misses to mention that the author suggests that smaller organizations should focus on taking a stance on issues.

critique: The author's tactics are not limited to three.

critique: The answer should mention the importance of telling a story.

critique: The answer should include the other three tactics.

critique: The answer should include the other tactics the author suggests.

critique: It misses to mention that the author also recommends developing and tailoring a pitch.

question: Describe a type of event that could have controversial coverage and how the author would recommend putting a positive spin on the reporting.

answer: It seems each charity is excited to have their good deeds publicized. They seem to cringe when they think they would face the negative. The author suggests several angles this can be done- like a call to action in the wake of a disaster like an active shooter situation (to display heroism) which could be phrased as prevention efforts that assisted defenders.

critique: The answer is not related to the question.

critique: There is no evidence to suggest this would be an ideal event for charities to sell their products.

critique: Not relevant, and most of the answer is made up.

critique: The response is not related to the question.

critique: A disaster just happened; it would be better to write a suggestion as if there is no disaster- readers can add that they can be heroes by getting a weapon themselves instead of waiting for assistance or passivity.

critique: There is no evidence to suggest that charities cringe when they think they would face the negative.

critique: There is no call to action- this is just one example of how it can be framed

critique: The author didn't suggest any particular type of event.

critique: The author does not suggest a call to action in the wake of a disaster.

critique: This response is not related to the question.

critique: The author gives advice on how to get media coverage, not how to put a positive spin on reporting. There is no mention of the author's advice for putting a positive spin on reporting.

critique: To organize donations, mail letters, and discover more about the victims, consider using Hodder, a platform for fundraising, donations, and news coverage.

question: Summarize the common thread throughout the advice in this article.

answer: According to the article, the most important advice applies to the story charity tells about itself. When the audience is journalists, consider relating your organization to the authentic stories of the beneficiaries. While applying the same principle to more traditional donors, one can selectively choose who they share personal stories with so they will be told in a larger public way. The advice given on how to pitch also suggests personalization in how one communicates a message or idea to media or donors.

critique: Don't state that this principle applies to the story the charity tells itself.

critique: The advice given on how to pitch is one of the suggestions in the article

critique: The article doesn't suggest anything about selectively choosing who to share personal stories with.

critique: The answer is too long and not necessary.

critique: The answer should mention the importance of taking a stance.

critique: Make the answer consistent with the other 6 pieces of advice, i.e. they are all about the presentation of the organization to the media

critique: "When the audience is journalists" should be omitted as it is not very relevant.

critique: The advice given on how to pitch does not suggest personalization; it suggests the opposite.

critique: The answer omits the most important advice of all: "The truth is you can easily run a good media relations program on a shoestring."

critique: This response is not a summary, but makes up its own answer.

critique: The advice of this article is not to personalize a message, but to personalize the story of the beneficiary.

question: What does the author have to say about traditional news coverage?

answer: That it can be daunting and confrontational and far from necessary to have a big budget to get attention from the press.

critique: "far from necessary to have a big budget to get attention from the press" is just opinion and not part of the answer.

critique: The answer should mention that the author believes traditional news coverage is not necessary.

critique: The answer should mention that the author believes traditional news coverage is not the only way to get attention from the press.

critique: The answer should mention that the author thinks that smaller charities can compete with bigger ones.

critique: It is omitted that there is a lot of opportunity to tell your story.

critique: The author discusses traditional news coverage in terms of how to get attention from it, not how to avoid it.

critique: The author does not say that traditional news coverage can be far from necessary to have a big budget.

critique: The author doesn't call traditional news coverage 'daunting and confrontational'.

critique: It's omitted that the author also suggests using a lot of the same strategies that they have learned to work on relationships with their donors.

critique: The author implies traditional news coverage can be daunting and confrontational, but does not explicitly say it is far from necessary to have a big budget to get attention from the press.

critique: The answer should mention that traditional news coverage can be expensive.

critique: The author never says that traditional news coverage is far from necessary

critique: The response doesn't give a clear answer to the question.

critique: The answer should mention that traditional news coverage is only one of many ways to get attention from the press.

critique: The author does not say traditional news coverage is "daunting and confrontational."


split: train

text:
cht

Cruise date:

18 Jun - 28 Jun, 2021

[Around Spitsbergen, In the realm of Polar Bear & Ice]

[m/v Ortelius]

m/v Ortelius

Cruise date:

28 Jul - 6 Aug, 2021

We are Oceanwide

Antarctica & Arctic cruise reviews

Overall rating based on 520 votes

Truly amazing and wonderful experience

by Gail Klispie

Trip far exceeded our expectations. The expedition guides and the Doctor Moniek were very knowledgeable, patient, kind, and wonderful. We got to know them fairly well. it was hard to say goodbye at the end o

Read full review »

IT DOESN'T GET BETTER THAN THIS

by CAROLINE and DAVE HUNT

Congratulations to everyone at Oceanwide for providing a superbly well run expedition on a marvellous ship. The Hondius is a world-leader in its eco credentials and superb for its operating environment. Ever

Read full review »

A memorable trip

by Nigel Redford

This was dream trip of a lifetime. We are very please that we chose the Hondius. The hotel staff were superb , friendly and very helpful , the food was excellent and the facilities appropriate for an expedit

Read full review »

A Superb Antarctic Trip

by Laura Hirst

An outstanding trip which was everything we hoped for and more. The passionate Oceanwide Expedition leader who , with his team epitomised the spirit of expedition by ensuring, (whether permitting!) we landed

Read full review »

Amazing Antartica Adventure

by Wendee Schavocky

The Oceanwide Expeditions Basecamp Antartica Cruise was amazing on every level! I couldn’t have asked for a better Antarctica experience. The expeditions, lectures, meals and excursions were outstandin

-   []

Read full review »

[Colin Drake]

Antarctic Circle and Peninsula

by Colin Drake

My wife and I have travelled extensively but this was the trip of a lifetime and unlike anywhere else we'd ever been, exceeding our expectations and leaving us wanting more. Our first Zodiac cruise set t

Read full review »

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the difference between an ice-strengthened ship and an icebreaker ship?

An ice-strengthened ship is a ship made of steel. These ships are made to get through the ice at Antarctica and the Arctic. Nowadays, most of the ships that cruise to Antarctica and the Arctic are ice-strengthened ships. Ortelius and Plancius ar

Read more »

What kind of clothing should I take with me during the expedition cruise?

The choice of clothing for cold temperatures during your Arctic or Antarctica expedition cruise is a very special matter. It depends on your individual experience whether to take warm clothes with you. Our advice is to take warm, wind and waterproof

Read more »

How do I prepare for my expedition trips?

Our voyages are “expedition” style cruise. Our emphasis is on wildlife encounters, personal contact with the environs, visiting sites of historical interest and to a lesser extent scientific stations. Our actual program will vary to take

Read more »

Do I have to be really ‘fit’ and in good health to join an expedition to the Arctic or Antarctica?

To join an expedition cruise to the Arctic or Antarctica, you must be in good general health and you should be able to walk several hours per day. The expedition is ship-based and physically not very demanding. Although we spend as much time as possi

Read more »

Are lifejackets provided on your cruises to the Arctic and Antarctica?

For the safety of all passengers during our cruises to the Arctic and Antarctica we provide everyone with a lightweight inflatable life jacket, which inflates automatically on contact with water. It is mandatory to wear these life jackets all ti

Read more »

How much time do we spend ashore during our polar cruise?

That is hard to say. It depends on the weather and constraints of time and distance. Depending on the voyage, you may spend several days aboard the ship, followed by a series of landings, each several hours long. On some cruises you land two or three

Read more »

About Oceanwide Expeditions

PASSIONATE

Taking you closer to the heart of the polar regions has been our driving passion at Oceanwide Expeditions for over twenty years. Our knowledgeable cruise leaders, committed staff, and thoroughly outfitted vessels are our way of expressing what we care about most: making your cruise to the Arctic and Antarctic truly unforgettable. When you sail with us, you experience a part of the world that is unlike any other. Mountainous glaciers, snow-swept shores, whales and polar bears and vast colonies of penguins make up this world, and they are all part of the surreal ecosystem you can watch unfold before you on your future Oceanwide expedition.

[]

ADVENTUROUS

Providing you a travel experience that inspires (and is inspired by) you, that’s what taking you _closer to the heart_ of the polar regions means to us. We get you away from the vessel and into the action as fast as possible: up to two landings per day in the morning and afternoon, with a fleet of inflatable Zodiacs ready to shuttle you past the ice floes and onto the shore. We keep our programs flexible so that you get the most out of whatever surprises nature has in mind. When you sail with us, the cruise is just the tip of the iceberg.

[]

PIONEERING

So what exactly is beneath the tip of that iceberg? The pioneering spirit, which all travelers to the polar regions (regardless of age and background) have in common. Guiding our expeditions with passion, tapping into the desire for inspiration and beauty, and always taking you closer to the heart of the Arctic and Antarctic – at Oceanwide Expeditions, that is our promise to you.

Show all polar cruises.

[]

question: What does the text say about preparing for expedition trips?

answer: No answer

critique: The answer should mention that the text advises taking warm, wind and waterproof clothes.

critique: The answer should mention the advice given in the text about preparing for expedition trips.

critique: The article does talk about preparation.

question: Summarize the positive reviews.

answer: All the reviews are positive. The reviewers appreciated the expedition guides and the Doctor Moniek. They said the expedition exceeded their expectations. The hotel staff was superb and the food was excellent.

critique: The reviewers also appreciated the facilities and the lectures.

critique: The question is asking for the positive reviews, not the whole reviews.

critique: The response misses to mention that the reviewers also say the trip was everything they hoped and more.

critique: The hotel staff and food weren't part of the review, it was about the ship "Hondius".

question: Summarize why someone may want to take this trip.

answer: The trip is described as an adventure, and the company says it is a trip of a lifetime. The trip is described as a place where whales and polar bears live, and there are vast colonies of penguins. The company says it is a trip that is unlike any other.

critique: The response contains information not useful for the task.

critique: The answer omits the reason for the trip.

critique: The answer could mention the price of the trip.

critique: The answer should mention the trip's uniqueness.

critique: The trip is described as a place where whales, polar bears, and penguins live, however, this doesn't necessarily make it a destination someone would wish to take.

critique: The answer should mention the opportunity to see glaciers and snow.

critique: The company's emphasis on wildlife isn't relevant.

question: What does the text say about sleeping arrangements?

answer: No answer

critique: The information is not mentioned in the text.

critique: The passage covers this topic in its Frequently Asked Questions section.


text:
In this new age, technology was expanding at a rate that we could hardly comprehend. At the turn of a new decade, we ventured into space once more. By half a century, we had expanded beyond our Mother Earths loving arms, into the cold and foreboding expanse of our solar system. Luna Novis was prospering. Aries One was establishing a foothold on the blood-red sands of Mars. Eyes settled on asteroids, and on Jupiter. Wealths of knowledge and resources lay in wait. Our greed, and our ignorance was immeasurable. Humanity established new industries, and individuals rose into great power.

In all of our prosperity, and all of our progress, we could not free ourselves from the shackles of belief. There were those that opposed the progress. They warned against returning to the void beyond our world. They spoke out against our settlement of foreign worlds. We did not listen. We shunned these malcontent individuals. We blissfully exploited our home solar system for decades. We had no idea...

We had no idea how wrong we were, to ignore the warnings of our brothers. No idea at all.

At the turn of the century, progress began to stabilize. We established the first actual cities on Mars, and had spread across most of our Moon, as well as Ganymede and Titan. Our society was as united as it had ever been. War was a thing of the past. The last conflict had been settled early in the previous century. We grew complacent. We truly believed we had ascended beyond conflict entirely. We fancied ourselves a generation of scholars. We could not comprehend the magnitude of our folly. Nobody could predict that the reality that we had created for ourselves was so fragile.

In the second decade of this new century, we received a signal unlike any we had ever received, save for one, late in a previous century, for a mere moment. It was directed, sustained, and clear. We were being observed. We had always been observed. These forces beyond comprehension settled eyes on us. We expected tides of praise, of commendation for our progress towards peace, and prosperity. These hopes were shattered. These observers condemned us. They damned us for all of our faults. Our strife, our hatred of old. Our abuse of the mother that so thanklessly gave us life, and held us up. They spat upon our feeble veil of progress. We pleaded for answers, but all words fell upon unhearing ears.

One final transmission came to us. It came in the form of a single sentence. And that one, solitary sentence was delivered to all men, and all women, and all children. No eyes failed to see this message. They delivered this unto us, and brought down all that we worked so hard for.

"Your time has come to an end."

Our panic was like no panic before. We knew not how long we had. We knew not how we would prepare. We awoke a beast within ourselves that had long been slumbering, deep in our psyche. That brotherhood of prophets that had warned us, pleaded to us to forgo the stars, rose up once more. They heralded the end of us. They spoke down upon us and damned us, and gave us no forgiveness. We smote them from the soil, and the sky, and the void. We removed them utterly. We erupted into a broiling projection of desperation. We constructed machines of strife. Factories that lay dormant for generations were stirred. We forged the instruments of death once again.

For ten decades, we prepared. We were directed, and determined. We were furious, that some entity shall so easily dismiss everything we worked towards. We made ready, for generations. All of our progress was directed into a speartip, ready to be thrust into the heart of this beast that was now at our doorstep. We massed these vessels of our anger. All souls capable were enlisted, and all those prepared did lead. These armies of Man marched towards the gates of Oblivion, to meet their judgment.

And lo did these Men march, in their ships, and with their weapons in hand. They would meet this force that made itself their enemy, and would dash them from the very universe. And so meet them they did, these Judges, in the space between Giants, in the far reaches of our solar system. They met them with teeth bared, and weapons made ready. They borne unto them stars of solar fury, and lances of broiling hatred, and rattling flames of absolute wrath. They spilled upon this enemy their discontent. For days, they did do battle with these Judges, and for days, it would appear that they were to be victorious.

On the first and second day, they met them in space. They barraged those dark vessels, and those reaching tendrils of doom with nuclear detestation, and ionized beams of abhorrence. They smote them from the void with such ease. Surely these cannot be those who damned them a century ago. With great eagerness, they drove their campaign on, and such this enemy crashed at their gates without relent.

On the third and fourth day, they met them aboard their ships, and on the surface of moons, as this enemy began to gain foothold on our beloved solar system. They did battle furiously, bringing devastation upon this crepuscular foe in great volumes, fearing nothing as they did battle. Surely they can deliver their fellows from this great nightmare that seethed at them. With no amount of trepidation, they committed these acts of strife.

On the fifth and sixth day, they wove among the tumbling boulders between Mars and Jupiter. Surely this force of Mankinds greatest power shall not be defeated by this foreign foe, this tenebrous animal which thrusts itself against the spear of the warriors. Ships were dashed upon the rocks, and lives vanished among debris without a trace. This great nebulous foe was upon us. Our greatest warriors failed us utterly. Hulls of ships spun in the void of space, smoldering wrecks a testament to our arrogance. Blood of men was spread across a dozen worlds, and across millions of miles of void. Billions of eyes gazed into the sky, and saw the billowing shade that was their reckoning.

On the seventh day, our greatest downfall was upon us. Inky tendrils grasped out towards our worlds, first to Mars. As the dark tentacle reached this crimson planet, the sky flared red, burning away as the surface was cleansed of the lives that had called it home for nearly two centuries. Two billion lives cried out in fear, as their world was scoured by this great evil. This beast consumed the world utterly, sheathing it in a seething blackness for a day. When it passed on, the red planet was dead once more, its surface scorched and black as the force that had consumed it.

As the billowing shade approached humanities last bastion, our leaders cried and pleaded and begged to it for forgiveness. There was no reply. They threatened with nuclear fury, and once again, there was no reply. Finally they begged for an answer. What were they. Their Judge replied to them at last, solemnly "We are your hatred. We are the sins of your fathers."

In our final moments, we gaze upon our finality. We see with our own eyes the true price of our arrogance, and our ignorance, and our strife. All of our crimes against our fellow man led to this moment of great annihilation. As our sky burned away, and one by one our lives were torn from this plane, and as our mortal forms were extinguished, we truly know the cost of Sin. In our transience, we truly know retribution.

The Sins of our Fathers, are visited upon their Sons.

title: [SF] Sins of Our Fathers

question: Summarize everything relating to the progress of society.

answer: At the turn of the new decade, humanity ventured into space once more. By half a century, they had expanded beyond Earth into the solar system. Luna Novis was prospering. Aries One was establishing a foothold on Mars. By the turn of the century, they had established the first actual cities on Mars and had spread across most of the Moon, as well as Ganymede and Titan. At the turn of the century, progress began to stabilize.

critique: The answer omits the second decade of the new century.

critique: The progression was that they establish cities and had spread across most of the moon, ganymede, and titan. Must mention this.

text: The answer should also mention that society believed that conflict was a thing of the past; and those who were opposed to the progress went unheard.

category: coverage

question: What does the story say about humanity's contact with aliens before the attack?

answer: In the second decade of the new century, a signal from aliens came. It was received by all of humanity, and the aliens damned humanity for all of its faults. They were furious and determined to fight that force that made itself their enemy. For generations, humanity prepared for the battle.

critique: The response misses to mention that the aliens told humanity that their time has come to an end.

question: What does the story say about space exploration?

answer: At the turn of the new decade, humanity ventured into space once more. By half a century, they had expanded beyond the Earth's loving arms into the cold and foreboding expanse of the solar system. Luna Novis was prospering. Aries One was establishing a foothold on the blood-red sands of Mars. Eyes settled on asteroids, and on Jupiter. Wealths of knowledge and resources lay in wait. Humanity established new industries, and individuals rose into great power.

critique: The answer should mention the consequences of space exploration.

critique: The response includes extraneous information not useful for the task.

critique: Add that space exploration was fueled by greed and ignorance.

critique: The answer omits the second decade of the new century.

question: What does the story say about the alien civilization's culture?

answer: No answer

critique: The response should include some information about the alien civilization, as it is asked in the question.

critique: The response misses to mention that the story does not mention anything about the alien civilization's culture.


text:
I know I had come across true love once, and I know it because the feeling still burns in my bones. I met him at the age of 4, his name was Elijah. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would see him fade into colorless dust, brushing away to coat the earth and never be found, leaving his family like a shipwreck in a never-ending tide. Elijah, oh how much I could have done for you, how much I could have done to save you. But in my seven year old shoes, I stood paralyzed as menacing arms gripped mine, with a scolding voice that replayed over and over in my head. One day, we were going to stare deep into each-others eyes, telling ourselves it was where we wanted to be for the rest of our lives. We were going to run in our adult shoes, playing tag, until our legs didn't work anymore. That was our true fate, not this. But now I live with a demon always sitting on my shoulder. He likes to laugh at me for what I've done, reminding me of the horrors over again, just as soon as I try to move on. He binds me with chains of silence, he binds me with a closed mind. He draws the man who burnt my clothes, the man who burnt your life. Elijah, I could have saved you.
Elijah... One day, I hope you will forgive me.

But do you remember our last day together, Elijah? The one where we walked home from school through fields of gold, spinning the earth beneath our feet? Do you remember the sun and how it melted the clouds beneath it, revealing the freckles on our faces? Our hands intertwined unconsciously, as our tiny hearts beat like racing drums. We ran until our laughter knocked us down, and stayed until the sky was coated with marmalade. If only we could have frozen the moment and never moved on. If only we could have both stayed in our seven year old bodies. If only I had never been given the opportunity to grow up alone.

I wish our hands stayed intertwined the whole way through. I wish we closed our eyes, and imagined the sun was melting us into the fields of gold. I wish my little legs didn't learn to escape. I wish it was me instead of you, so that you could have run home to your family, letting them know everything was okay.
And in this moment, I wish the fires that covered you could dry my tears.

I searched for you in the eyes of the sun, in the dancing wheat that feathered my eyes, in the butterfly wings that flapped my hair gently behind my ears. I searched for you in the cotton tails of the milk weeds, parting from their buds, to say hello as soon as they said goodbye, soon brushing through familiar cornstalks, to reveal your marble face. Oh Elijah, how I wait for the day your smile will bring the field back to life, but all I see are charcoal dusted, broken stalks, with a demon dancing on top of a mountain of ember lit ashes, acting as if nothing were wrong, as if this place were a sanctuary of good dreams, where kids like us could play all day and all night long and never be taken away. Elijah, I can't look at those milk weeds anymore, because they always say hello, and I never got to say good-bye.

The heat of Summer always reminded me of the comfort of my mother, but now, it greets me like the trees of Winter. Somehow I stay horrendously captivated in Summer's reign, climbing through Peter as you once did, with trembling soles that found it hard to grip his bark, hoping to keep balance long enough to pick a peach that matched the colors of the run down sky. Remember when you would take a big bite, back cradled against Peter's torso, trying to caress the crescent moon into the empty space? I guess the real question is, how could you ever forget it? You were my summer, Elijah, and now it's nothing but a bittersweet memory.

They tell me to try and remember. They tell me it's okay, and that all I have to do is tell them what I saw. I close my eyes, but I can't see anything through the screaming of red and orange flares. He sits beside me, gripping my skin tight, hanging sharp teeth over a dirtied lip. He threatens me with hell, and as he threatens me with fire, I feel familiar fingers curling into mine.

“C'mon, don't look so sad!”

“But, Elijah... don't you understand?”

He turns his head upwards to see me, and sits down, picking dandelions out of the ground.

“Yeah I do... I miss playing tag.”

“Isn't there anyone there you can play with?”

“Yeah, but they aren't as fun as you and they can't run as fast.”

I cry as he holds out a group of dandelions.

“But you're getting older now, April.”

I take them.

“Elijah...”

His fingers curl around mine.

“It gets harder and harder to hold your hand.”

“But I'll always hold yours.”

I see a tear roll down his cheek.

“Can I ask you a question, Eli?”

“Yeah?”

“Why aren't you mad at me?”

He stops pulling the grass and looks at me.

“You're not the bad man.”

“...But I could've saved you.”

“April, do you remember the sun and how it melted the clouds beneath it?”

“Elijah, the real question is, how could I ever forget it?”

title: "Elijah"

question: Explain what the narrator is trying to forget.

answer: The narrator describes summer and all its warmth as the comfort of their mother, however now that it is summer, they say it feels like the trees of winter. The narrator describes this as the memory of a bittersweet summer and that they cannot look at milkweed anymore as it reminds them of saying goodbye to Elijah. It appears that the narrator is sad about the loss of Elijah and that summer is the only thing left for them.

critique: The narrator initially describes the heat of summer as the comfort of her mother, not that of summer as milkweed which appears to be a description that is removed. Only milkweed needs to be removed. It also appears that the loss of Elijah signifies the end of summer.

critique: The first sentence should be rewritten for clarity.

critique: The narrator isn't sad about the loss of Elijah.

critique: The narrator is not trying to forget the summer, but the death of Elijah.

critique: The narrator is trying to forget the death of Elijah.

critique: The narrator is not trying to forget summer.

text: The narrator isn't trying to forget anything. There should be no answer to this question.

category: coherence

question: Summarize the last day that Elijah and April spent together.

answer: On the last day that Elijah and April spent together, they walked home from school through fields of gold, spinning the earth beneath their feet. The sun melted the clouds beneath it, revealing the freckles on their faces. Their hands were intertwined unconsciously, as their tiny hearts beat like racing drums. They ran until their laughter knocked them down, and stayed until the sky was coated with marmalade.

critique: The answer should include more details about what they did.

critique: "They ran until their laughter knocked them down, and stayed until the sky was coated with marmalade." - this is inaccurate. They didn't stay until the sky was coated with marmalade.

critique: "On the last day that Elijah and April spent together, they walked home from school through fields of gold, spinning the earth beneath their feet. The sun melted the clouds beneath it, revealing the freckles on their faces. Their hands were intertwined unconsciously, as their tiny hearts beat like racing drums. They ran until their laughter knocked them down, and stayed until the sky was coated with marmalade." - this is the same as the response and needs to be deleted.

critique: The phrase "spinning the earth beneath their feet" sounds strange so omit it.

critique: The answer should mention that they were seven years old.

question: What emotions does April experience?

answer: Unbearable sorrow, regret, and guilt.

critique: The answer should mention the presence of fire.

critique: "Unbearable sorrow" - add "and" before "regret"

critique: The answer should mention that April is also afraid.

critique: "Unbearable sorrow, regret, and guilt." - add a period to end the sentence.

critique: The answer should mention the emotions of anger and fear.

critique: "Unbearable sorrow, regret, and guilt." - add "and" between "sorrow" and "regret"

text: This should be a full sentence.


text:
Wow, this is fun. Running around in the woods with my best friends in the world, laughing, giggling, and pretending to be wizards from Harry Potter. I weave and dodge through the trees when I spot Gia coming towards me. I yell an expelliarmus and duck behind a bush. Crawling backwards, I find a pile of leaves and partially cover myself, trying to blend in. Unfortunately, she sees me. She screeches out a Petrificus Totalus and scampers off. I can’t chase her, because she froze me. Man, I’m having fun. Unfortunately, Mason isn’t.

	“Hey Gardner, let’s get out of here,” he rambles as he pulls me out of the leaves. I try to object but he keeps talking. “I can’t believe I agreed to this, it’s so lame and nerdy. Why don’t we go to my house? I’ve got this huge TV and a DVR full of George Lopez.”

	“Mason, what are you doing?” I hear John yell, moments before he hops out from behind a tree about twenty yards away from where we are now. “This is fun!”

	“No, it’s really not,” objects Mason. I groan.

	“It’s fun for us. If you don’t like it, why did you come?”

	“Because I wanted to be with my friends, but I’m sorry. This sucks.”

	“Hey, what are you doing? I froze him!” Gia exclaims as she sprints towards us. “Do you even know the spell to unbind him?”

	“Look, I’m out of here,” Mason says, firmly.

	“How about this. You can leave here if you beat me in a duel,” John suggests.

	“...A duel? A Harry Potter duel?” Mason sounds incredulous. “Fine. Whatever.”

	Gia and I watch as the two idiots get ready. John makes a big show of twirling his “wand” around and drops it. Mason just stands and waits. John is telling Mason the rules when Gia sees that she dropped her wallet behind where Mason is standing. As she is picking up, John yells for the duel to start. He lifts his wand and screams “Avada Kedavra,” an unforgivable curse that kills anyone who it is cast on. A green light shoots out of the twig in his hand, and Mason jumps out of the way in terror. Unfortunately, Gia doesn’t see it coming.

	“What the…?” Is all I can say as I stumble over to where Gia is laying.

	“What happened?” Mason asks, looking concerned.

	“John just like...frickin...shot Gia. I think she’s dead.”

	“John, why would you do that?”

	“What do you mean ‘Why would you do that?’” John asks, incredulous. “I thought that we were just messing around. I swear I didn’t do it on purpose!”

	“Then why did you do it?” Mason asks, accusingly.

	“Look, I didn’t expect you to know any spells, so I figured this would be an easy way to shut you up. I didn’t expect real freaking magic to happen!”

	“Guys,” I say. “Calm down, let’s think about this. We need to figure out what to do with the body. We can’t just leave it.”

	“Yeah we can!” Says John. “I am not going to let anyone find out that I killed somebody!”

	“No one is actually going to believe it was you. I mean, come on. Magic? No one would buy that!”

	“I think we should leave her,” says Mason. “I mean, she was kinda annoying.”

	“What?” I ask, flabbergasted.

	“Yeah. I don’t want to be seen with that corpse. She has on like eighteen bracelets. Totally ratchet.”

	“...Ratchet?”

	“Ratchet. I didn’t even like her that much when she was alive. I always asked her to buy me chicken fingers, and she never, ever would.”

	“You’re going to leave her out here over chicken fingers?” Interjects John. “At least I have a good reason.”

	“No,” I say. “Neither have you have a good reason.” I look down at my deceased friend, and I’m rendered speechless. Her mouth is actually moving. “Oh, my god! Guys, check this out! She’s actually alive!”

	“What?” Cries John as he lifts his wand again. “Avada Kedavra!”

	“What was that for?” I scream, furious. “She wasn’t dead! What was your line of thinking there?”

	“Dead people should stay dead.”

	“He’s right,” adds Mason.

	“Shut up, shut up both of you!” I say, taking control of the situation. “What are we going to do now that we know she’s definitely dead.”

	“I have a cousin in Chicago. This happens all the time there, I’ll ask him for advice.”

	“Exactly,” says Mason. “We’re not that far from the hood. I’m sure we could get some good advice there.”

	“Mason,” I say. “It was a ten minute drive here from the suburbs.”

	“I’m just saying,” Mason says, indignant.

	“Look, this was John’s fault. Because of John I’m going to miss NCIS tonight.”

	“Yeah, John. This is messed up. I have to go to VBS next week and because of you I can’t start my George Lopez re-watch until August.”

	We’re just standing here, totally at a loss for what to do. Then, out of nowhere, it hits me. “Check her pockets!”

	“Why?” Mason asks, obviously not following my train of thought.

	“Her keys! Look, I found them!”

	“All right, George Lopez!”

	“Wait!” John yells out. We look at him, curious that he may have had a change of heart. “How about we all go to my house and have a Call of Duty tournament?”

	“Yeah!” Mason and I call out in unison. Keys in hand, we walk to her car, load up and head out. I feel like this is going to be a good week.

title: "Whoops." Harry Potter LARPing goes wrong.

question: Summarize how guilt and remorse are characterized in this story.

answer: No answer

question: What would the characters do to explain Gia's absence to her family and friends?

answer: No answer

critique: The answer should mention that the characters are not thinking about Gia's family and friends.

critique: The answer should mention that the characters would say Gia went to Chicago.

question: How do the characters change throughout the story?

answer: The characters do not change at all over the course of the story. Throughout the story, no one changes their thoughts or opinions.

critique: There is a change in characters from accepting something as fun and play to being at a loss for what to do and indifferent to whether it is fair to leave the situation to taking advantage of the situation as an excuse to do something as normal as game together.

question: Summarize the unexpected plot twist(s).

answer: The plot twist is that, when Gia is shot, she isn't dead. She is still alive and moving. However, John shoots her again, killing her.

critique: The plot twist is that the characters are so callous about Gia's death that they don't even care about her being alive.

text: The response should include that another twist of the story is that the spell John used actually worked.


text:
PAUL JOANNIDES (born 4 November 1945, London) is Professor in the History of Art in the University of Cambridge.[1]

Career

Joannides is employed by the Dept. of History of Art at the University of Cambridge. He was Assistant Lecturer 1973-1978, lecturer 1978-2002 and reader in art history 2002-2004. He has been working as Professor of art history since 2004. He was chargé de mission of the Musée du Louvre from 1991 to 1992. He is member of the Société de l'Histoire de l'Art Français.

Work

Joannides completed his PhD on the French Romantic painter Eugène Delacroix under Professor Lee Johnson.

He is best known for his numerous academic articles on Italian renaissance artists and on the French romantic painters in specialist art magazines like The Burlington Magazine and Apollo.

Books published by him

-   _The Drawings of Raphael_, Phaidon Press 1983.[2]
-   _Masaccio and Masolino_, Phaidon Press, 1993.[3]
-   _Titian to 1518: The Assumption of Genius_, Yale University Press, 2001.[4]

Books co-edited by him

-   _Reactions to the Master: Responses to Michelangelo in the sixteenthcentury_, co-edited with Francis Ames-Lewis, Ashgate Press, 2003.[5]

Exhibition catalogues

-   _Michelangelo and his Influence_, exhibition of 68 drawings for the Royal Collection, circulated in three venues in the United States and two in the UK, October 1996-April 1998, The National Gallery of Art, Washington and Lund Humphries, London, 1996.[6]
-   _Raphael and His Age - Drawings from the Palais des Beaux-Arts, Lille_, exhibition of 57 drawings shown at the Cleveland Museum of Art, and the Palais des Beaux-Arts, Lille, 2002-2003. Published in English and in French by the Cleveland Museum of Art and the Réunion des Musées.[7][8]
-   _Late Raphael_, (co-curated with Tom Henry), exhibition at the Prado and Musée du Louvre 2012-2013.

Collection Catalogues

-   _Michel-Ange, Ecole, Copistes, Inventaire des Dessins Italiens_, Musée du Louvre, Réunion des Musées Nationaux, 2003.[9]
-   _The Drawings by Michelangelo and his followers in the Ashmolean Museum_, Oxford, CUP, 2007.[10][11]

Personal life

His second wife was art historian Marianne Ysobel Joannides, née Sachs, who died of cancer aged 61 at home in Saffron Walden on 23 March 2007.[12] She had taught history of art at the University of Kent at Canterbury, and was latterly employed at Bonhams auctioneers in London as a consultant in old master drawings. Whilst working at Phillips Auctioneers in 1994 she arranged a loan exhibition in London of Master Drawings from the De Pass Collection, Royal Cornwall Museum, Truro (Catalogue ).

[1] University of Cambridge (2008). _Paul Joannides_. Cambridge: University of Cambridge. Accessed 27 April 2008.

[2]

[3]

[4]

[5]

[6]

[7]

[8] Book Country (2008). _Raphael and His Age - Drawings from the Palais Des Beaux-arts, Lille. _. Mount Vernon: Book Country. Accessed 27 April 2008.

[9]

[10]

[11] Book Country (2008). _The Drawings Of Michelangelo And His Followers In The Ashmolean Museum. _. Mount Vernon: Book Country. Accessed 27 April 2008.

[12] http://announcements.telegraph.co.uk/deaths/56726/joannides

title: Paul Joannides (art historian)

question: Summarize Joannides' career.

answer: Joannides was born on November 4, 1945. He completed his PhD on Eugène Delacroix. He joined the University of Cambridge in the 1960's, where he was an assistant lecturer until 1978. He then became a lecturer from 1978 - 2002, and a reader in art history for two years. Joannides has worked as a Professor of art history since 2004. He was chargé de mission of the Musée du Louvre from 1991 - 1992, and he is also a member of the Société de l'Histoire de l'Art Français.

critique: "where he was an assistant lecturer until 1978." - this seems like an inaccurate statement and should be removed.

critique: The year he joined the university is not stated.

critique: "Joannides was born on November 4, 1945." - this is incorrect. Joannides was born on November 4, 1945, which is the incorrect date.

critique: "He joined the University of Cambridge in the 1960's" - is incorrect. Joannides was assistant lecturer from 1973-1978.

critique: The response includes extraneous information not useful for the task.

critique: It is not stated that he joined the University of Cambridge in the 1960's.

question: What books has Joannides' published?

answer: Joannides has published The Drawings of Raphael, Masaccio and Masolino, Titian to 1518: the Assumption of Genius, three books written by him.

critique: The sentence is confusing and needs to be rephrased.

critique: The answer should mention the co-edited books.

critique: The answer could be phrased as a complete sentence.

critique: The answer should include the co-edited books.

critique: The answer could be phrased in a complete sentence.

critique: "Three books written by him" is a bit unclear.

question: Describe Joannides' personal life.

answer: After his first wife passed away, Paul married Marianne Ysobel Joannides née Sachs. She taught history of art at the University of Kent at Canterbury, and was later employed at Bonham's auctioneers in London as a consultant in old master drawings.

critique: It is omitted that Marianne Joannides died of cancer.

critique: The answer does not mention that Marianne died of cancer.

critique: The answer should mention that Marianne died of cancer.

critique: This is not the correct way to state this.

critique: The answer omits that Marianne died of cancer.


text:
The ALL BURMA STUDENTS' DEMOCRATIC FRONT (; abbreviated ABSDF) is an opposition group in Myanmar (also known as Burma). It was founded on 1 November 1988, after the 8888 protests in Yangon. The group's leadership consists mostly of former student exiles.

The ABSDF operates an armed wing, which has fought alongside other armed opposition groups in Myanmar, such as the Kachin Independence Army and the Karen National Liberation Army.

Objectives

The objective of the group is to free the people of Myanmar from the oppression of the military, to create a democracy with political freedom and respect for human rights, to obtain nationwide peace, and to introduce a federal system in the country.

Leadership

The ABSDF elects its leadership democratically, with leaders of the organisation serving for three-year terms in accordance with the ABSDF constitution. Its first leader was Htun Aung Gyaw, a leader in the December 1974 student protests following the U Thant funeral crisis. The following is the list of the organisation’s current leaders who were elected in ABSDF’s Eleventh Conference convened in September 2018, to serve for a three-year executive term.

-   Than Khe - Chairman
-   Myo Win - Vice-Chairman
-   Sonny Mahinder - General Secretary
-   Myint Hein - Joint-General Secretary
-   Ye Htut @ Hla Htay - Joint-General Secretary
-   Kyaw Ko -Central Leading Committee Member
-   Ma Lay Lone @ Mi Sue Pwint - Central Leading Committee Member
-   Min Zaw - Central Leading Committee Member
-   Saw Maung Oo - Central Leading Committee Member
-   Saw Chit Win - Central Committee Member
-   Thein Lwin - Central Committee Member
-   Kyaw Kyaw Lin - Central Committee Member
-   Ko Thein - Central Committee Member
-   Thura - Central Committee Member
-   Zin Naing- Central Committee Member
-   Salai Yaw Aung - Central Committee Member
-   Moe Kyaw Oo - Central Committee Member
-   Lwan Ne - Central Committee Member
-   Min Htay - Central Committee Member
-   Mya Win - Central Committee Member
-   Soe Htut - Central Committee Member
-   Win Tint Han - Central Committee Member (Reserve)
-   Yaw Shu - Central Committee Member (Reserve)
-   Thant Chein Myint - Central Committee Member (Reserve)
-   Yan Naing Soe - Central Committee Member (Reserve)

History

The political movement and the struggle for democracy has ever been an issue in Myanmar. Students were a mobilising force at the forefront of the struggle for freedom against British colonial rule. This role has continued over the past four decades of military rule in the country. Thus, the student movement is inseparable from the historic struggle for Burma’s independence from both colonial power and dictatorship.

The Burmese military staged a coup d’etat in September 1988, following its crackdown on peaceful demonstrations concerning democracy and human rights. Soon after seizing state power, the State Law and Order Restoration Council, the then-military regime, announced that it would hold a free and fair election. It encouraged the public to register political parties. However, at the same time, regime officials were suppressing political expression and opposition throughout the country.

It was in this atmosphere that serious discussions and debates took place within the All Burma Federation of Student Unions (ABFSU) to find ways to continue the struggle. Finally, leaders of the ABFSU reached a decision: the struggle would consist of three practical strategies: Maintaining semi-underground networks, forming a political party, and taking up arms.

To pursue this decision, thousands of people, mostly students, youth, and intellectuals, left for the border areas near Thailand, India, China, and Bangladesh. On 1 November 1988, they founded the All Burma Students’ Democratic Front (ABSDF) on the Myanmar-Thailand border. Thus, the formation of the ABSDF and its Student Army followed closely on ABFSU’s decision. In other words, its formation was a strategic decision of the student movement inside Myanmar.

To fulfill its aims and objectives, the ABSDF upholds the strategy of “armed struggle in combination with political activities”. From 2001 to 20 December 2010 ABSDF was on the US terror list.[1]

Name origin

The ABSDF is an organisation representing all students and social classes throughout Myanmar in their struggle to achieve democracy and human rights. The students of Myanmar were recognised as the leading force fighting against the dictatorial military regime, and the Front indiscriminately counts all Burmese ethnic nationalities and classes among their membership. The ABSDF is at the forefront of the popular struggle for democracy and human rights in Myanmar; hence the name “All Burma Students’ Democratic Front”. ABSDF's motto is born out of collective experiences: “Our Heads are Bloody But Unbowed”.

Politics

The ABSDF is a combatant in the civil war in Myanmar, which is a long-running conflict between government forces and opposing various armed factions. People who are struggling against the military dictatorship to overthrow it constitute not a single stratum but a cross-section of all people regardless of social class, gender, ethnic origin, religion, education, and political ideology. Based on that ideology, the ABSDF believes in national politics and applies it as a political strategy.

Membership and camps

The ABSDF holds seven camps on the Myanmar–Thailand border, one camp spread over three separate locations on the Myanmar-India border, and one camp spread over three separate locations on the Myanmar-China border. It also has foreign branches such as in the United States and Australia.

The ABSDF is a member organisation of the National Council of the Union of Burma, an umbrella organisation of the border-based opposition.

The ABSDF is also a member organisation of the Asian Students’ Association, the International Union of Students, and the World Federation of Democratic Youth.

Ceasefire talks

ABSDF had held two formal discussions and three informal gatherings with the government in 2012 and 2013. On 5 August 2013, the Kayin State government and ABSDF signed a state-level ceasefire agreement in Yangon.[2] On 10 August, the Burmese government and ABSDF signed a 13-point preliminary ceasefire agreement. The agreement includes continuation of political dialogues to reach ceasefire agreement, formation of independent monitoring committee for ceasefire, opening of liaison offices, and setting a date to hold union-level political dialogue.[3]

Controversy

In 1991–92, 35 ABSDF members died in custody in Kachin State. Fifteen of them were executed as spies on 12 February 1992, 20 others were tortured to death while undergoing interrogation. Another 80 members were also detained on similar charges. The killings were allegedly motivated by internal power struggles within the organisation. That incident has attracted growing attention in 2012 on social media sites, where former members of the student army and their families claim no one has yet been held accountable. Naing Aung, who was the chairman of the ABSDF Southern Myanmar at the time, has denied the allegations and said that he is ready to co-operate with any inquiry into the incident.[4][5]

[1]

[2]

[3]

[4]

[5]

title: All Burma Students' Democratic Front

question: What does the text say about the All Burma Students' Democratic Front?

answer: The All Burma Students' Democratic Front (ABSDF) is an opposition group in Myanmar. It was founded on November 1, 1988, after the 8888 protests in Yangon. The group's leadership consists mostly of former student exiles.

critique: It's omitted that ABSDF operates an armed wing.

critique: The answer should mention the ABSDF's objectives.

critique: The answer should mention the group's objectives.

critique: The answer should include more detail about the ABSDF's objectives.

question: What does the text say about the group's objective?

answer: The objective of the group is to free the people of Myanmar from the oppression of the military, to create a democracy with political freedom and respect for human rights, to obtain nationwide peace, and to introduce a federal system in the country.

critique: The answer should mention the group's armed wing.

question: What does the text say about the group's leadership?

answer: The ABSDF elects its leadership democratically, with leaders of the organization serving for three-year terms in accordance with the ABSDF constitution. The first leader was Htun Aung Gyaw, a leader in the December 1974 student protests following the U Thant funeral crisis. The following is the list of the organization's current leaders who were elected in ABSDF's Eleventh Conference convened in September 2018, to serve for a three-year executive term.

critique: The answer should mention the ABSDF's constitution.

critique: The first and last line are unnecesary for the input.

critique: The answer should mention the number of leaders.

critique: The answer should mention the election process.

critique: The answer should mention that the ABSDF's first leader was Htun Aung Gyaw.

critique: The answer is a copy of the text. The first sentence should be deleted.

text: The last sentence is unnecessary and should be omitted.

question: What does the text say about the group's history?

answer: The political movement and the struggle for democracy has ever been an issue in Myanmar. Students were a mobilizing force at the forefront of the struggle for freedom against British colonial rule. This role has continued over the past four decades of military rule in the country. Thus, the student movement is inseparable from the historic struggle for Burma’s independence from both colonial power and dictatorship.

critique: The answer should mention the coup d'etat.

critique: The answer is missing the part about the Burmese military staging a coup d'etat in September 1988, following its crackdown on peaceful demonstrations concerning democracy and human rights.

critique: The answer should mention the formation of the ABSDF.

critique: The response inaccurately mentions that the struggle for democracy has always been an issue in Myanmar.

critique: This answer fails to mention the abdication of democracy and the military coup in Myanmar.


text:
The three men sat around a circular table, each sipping a different alcoholic beverage. In an effort to minimize the numbing effect of the frigid November draft seeping in form underneath the ancient garage door, each man wore a heavy coat over his everyday attire. The men sat in silence for hours until the youngest of the group broke the vigil as the first weak rays of morning sunshine broke through the grimy windows of the abandoned warehouse.

	“Do you remember your first kill, Boris?”

The elderly Russian slowly raised his gaze from his drink, his deep blue eyes briefly flashing in the sunlight before coming to meet the young American’s gaze. He spoke slowly, his voice deep and calming.

	“You never forget your first.”

He let out a deep sigh and took a long draft from his vodka before continuing.

	“I was a much younger man, probably only a few years older than yourself. I never set out to be a killer…I got into some financial trouble and had to go to the mafia for help.”

	Enthralled by the old assassin’s tale, the young American stared ahead in awe, his drink forgotten. Even the third man, a middle-aged man of questionable nationality, looked up from his whiskey.

	“Contrary to popular belief,” Boris continued, “the Russian mafia is willing to help most anyone, no questions asked. What they don’t tell you is that your debt to the mafia will never be repaid.”

	The Russian let out another sigh. As the sunlight grew stronger, the young American noticed for the first time a subtle sadness about Boris. His wrinkled face, his dark, sun-damaged skin, a vaguely forlorn look in his eyes. The elderly Russian gave the impression of a once impressive man, reduced to a shadow of his former self by a life filled with brutality and liquid fortification. As Boris continued his narrative, the American observed his middle-aged peer return his brooding eyes to his whiskey.

	“It was a thirty-something year old, Alexi was his name. He owed the Russian mafia a great deal of money and had somehow managed to escape the country. He fled to an old monastery in Tibet, apparently believing he could find sanctuary from the Russian mafia in a holy place.”

	Before continuing, Boris cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

	“The fool never should have stopped running…maybe if he hadn’t, we’d still be playing that perverse game of cat and mouse to this day. His children would still have their father…and I…wouldn’t have become this…”

	The Russian’s voice caught in his throat and he turned away from the table, hiding his tears from the other two men.

	“I still remember the look in his eyes as I pinned him to the floor,” Boris choked out between sobs. “He begged me for life, pleaded with me to let him go. But it was him or me…”

	Seeming to find temporary solace from his justification, Boris drew a shaky breath.

	“But I felt it as much as he did when I drove my blade into his chest. I couldn’t bear to watch; I looked up. An enormous statue of Buddha gazed down at me, having witnessed everything. In that moment, I knew that I would carry Alexi’s soul with me forever, and spend an eternity paying for it.”

The young American let out his breath; he’d been holding it involuntarily.

	“I… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to conjure up demons from your past.”

	Before Boris could respond, the middle-aged gun for hire let out a derisive snort.

	“Seems like Boris has gotten sentimental in his old age. Feeling sorry for your prey? You never had what it took to be a truly legendary assassin, the kind whose name is spoken in hushed tones across the globe.”

	Bristling with indignation, Boris rose to his feet, his chair toppling over behind him.

	“You are a monster, Akhmad. A cold-blooded killing machine. Not exceptional by any means, but cruel and brutal beyond reason. For you, money is simply a fringe benefit to being a mercenary. An endless supply of lives to ruin; that’s all you care about.”

	Boris strode to the door and slammed it behind him, disappearing into the mid-morning sunshine in a fit of rage. Stunned, the young American sat rooted to his chair while Akhmad chuckled to himself and poured the rest of his whiskey down his throat. He then turned to face the American.

	“Before you ask, no, I don’t remember my first kill. They all run together for me. The screaming, the crying, the attempt to bargain for life. Everyone acts the same way when they’re staring down the barrel of a gun. And everyone looks the same with their head blown off, too.”

	Akhmad grinned darkly at the American, transforming his handsome features into something sinister and ugly looking. He stood to leave, but before he reached the door, the American stopped him.

	“If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to share my first experience also.”

	Akhmad sighed impatiently.

	“Make it quick.”

	“This won’t take long. My story begins on a cold night— a group of co-workers retreat to the shelter of a familiar place after a long week of work.”

	Akhmad fiddled with his empty glass of liquor, clearly bored. Undeterred, the American continued on.

	“The men were enjoying each other’s company over drinks until two of the men butted heads over a work-place disagreement. One of the men departed, leaving only two men left at the table.”

	At this point, Akhmad’s brow furled slightly and he looked up at the American with a confused look on his face.

	“As the men began to tire of each other’s presence,” the American continued, “one of the men decided that he would get a jump on the following week’s workload. Unbeknownst to the other man, he began to work under the table, out of sight of his companion as not to seem rude.”

	Akhmad tensed his muscles and prepared to lunge at the American, but his booze-addled senses alerted him to  the peril too late. While he was speaking, the American had slowly drawn an old fashioned revolver from the pocket of his bulky coat and placed it against Akhmad’s left knee underneath the table.

	As Akhmad began to lunge forward, the American pulled the trigger. Crashing into the table with an inhuman scream of agony, Akhmad clutched at his obliterated leg. Akhmad’s empty glass fell to the ground and shattered and he watched as the American’s nearly untouched gin and tonic spilled all over the blood-soaked table. Before the mercenary was able to process anything else, a bullet slammed into his brain, instantly ending his life.

	Silence. Complete and utter silence. The young American slowly lowered the gun, then dropped it to the ground shattering the brief serenity of the moment. He reached into his coat and withdrew a cell phone. He dialed a number and waited for a secure connection to be established. Finally, the call went through.

	“Uncle Sam, this is Agent Schafer. The target has been eliminated. Mission accomplished.”

	He clicked off the phone and deposited it back in his coat pocket and turned to exit, leaving the remains of Osama bin Laden’s most dangerous son to rot in the abandoned warehouse.

title: [RF] The Three Assassins

question: Explain the reason for killing one of Bin Laden's sons.

answer: The American government wanted to eliminate Osama Bin Laden's most dangerous son.

critique: "Osama Bin Laden's most dangerous son." - is inaccurate. Osama was not mentioned anywhere in the passage.

critique: The passage does not mention the reason for killing Osama Bin Laden's son.

critique: The American government wanted to eliminate Osama Bin Laden's most dangerous son. - is inaccurate. The American government wanted to eliminate Osama Bin Laden's most dangerous son. - is inaccurate.

critique: The answer is not specific about who the American government is.

critique: We don't know that the government wanted to eliminate him "toilet paper style"

critique: It is incorrectly stated that the American government wanted to eliminate Osama Bin Laden's most dangerous son.

critique: The American government wanted to eliminate Osama Bin Laden's most dangerous son. - this is inaccurate. The American government wanted to eliminate Osama Bin Laden's most dangerous son. - this is inaccurate.

question: Summarize the plot twist.

answer: The American kills Osama bin Laden's third son.

critique: The answer could be more specific about the twist.

critique: The American is not Osama bin Laden's son.

critique: The answer is completely tentative and fails to add value to the question. The part about Osama's son should be left out altogether.

critique: The answer is not a summary of the plot twist.

critique: The answer is inaccurate and misleading.

critique: The answer should mention that the American does this at the request of Uncle Sam.

critique: It should be mentioned that the American is actually a CIA agent.

question: What does the story have to say about debts?

answer: The Russian mob requires people to pay back the debts owed to them with their lives. This is because they are ruthless people.

critique: The response could be clearer in its pronoun use.

critique: The answer is inaccurate. The Russian mob does not require people to pay back their debts with their lives.

critique: The mob demands that debts be paid, not that lives be given.

critique: The answer is not accurate. The debt is not repaid with the debtor's life.

critique: The response misses to mention that the debt will never be repaid and the debt is owed to the mafia.


text:
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Sun-drenched, golden beaches, spectacular mountain formations and extravagant night life - Mallorca will not leave any visitor disappointed. Each coastal region has its own charm and the interior of the island is home to ancient monasteries, unspoilt villages and historic vineyards and vintners.

The coast of Mallorca is dominated by beautiful beaches and heavenly bays and towering cliffs. While the miles and miles of sandy beaches of S'Arenal and Cala Ratjada are alive and kicking in the summer, you’ll always be able to find a spot to relax in the seven-mile dunes between Campos and Sa Rapita.

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Lively resorts and picturesque coastal villages

Mallorca for holiday makers is about lively resorts for some or discovering picturesque coastal villages or stunning scenery for others. Cala Millor and Cala Ratjada are the main tourist destinations on the north west coast. Further north is the coastal town of Alcúdia with its medieval old town and bay.

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question: What do all the regions in Mallorca have in common when it comes to tourist attractions?

answer: They all have beautiful beaches and heavenly bays.

critique: The answer could be phrased as a complete sentence.

critique: The answer should also mention the various attractions that Mallorca has to offer.

critique: While they can all be found on the coasts, they are not all found on the coast.

critique: The answer could be more specific about the bays.

critique: The answer should mention the other attractions.


text:
***My girlfriend asked why my room was so messy, this is what I sent her.  Just curious what you guys think.  My first short story to the public.***

"Shit here we go again" I thought to myself as I opened my bedroom door. There was a fight going on in my room. This wasn't an ordinary fight, this was a fight to determine who deserves to be the chosen one. 'Chosen one? Wtf does that mean' you might ask. Well let me back track a little.

When I was younger I was never into fashion. I just wanted comfy clothes to wear. So I dedicated my life to find the comfiest clothes ever. After trying on hundreds of shirts and pants and every type of boxers I could think of I just couldn't find comfy enough clothes. Finally I thought 'hey, maybe I can invent some!' And that's where the trouble began.

Each day I would try to create the perfect comfy clothing. I would use a variety of techniques such as covering the clothes in mud and then  washing them for 3 days straight so they absorbed all the minerals and felt smooth on the skin. After much trial and error I had a certain technique that seemed to be working. Well one day as I was letting them out to dry in my back yard something happened. It's hard to put into words but all I saw was a giant flash through my window and a green glow radiate from my clothes. I rushed outside but the green glow was gone. I thought nothing of it after that and thought it was just some firework. Boy was I wrong.

The next morning I awoke to something I wasn't really sure was real. My black pants....my black pants were standing up. A little freaked out at first I just kinda stared. I thought I was dreaming but after a pinch or two I assured myself I was not. I reached out to grab it and out of nowhere a sock wraps around the top part of my pants and starts to what seemed to be choking it. The sock was actually being held by my favorite pair of jeans. They were fighting. My clothes....were fighting. After the struggle the black pants fell sprawled out on the ground. The jeans just stood there.
Well I just witnessed something crazy but nevertheless I still had to go to work because I was out of sick days. I went to grab a pair of my non standing pants but my favorite pair of jeans would not get out of my way. At the same time the other pants seemed to scurry in the corner afraid of the jeans. He was the champion. He was to be worn that day. I had no choice. I put the jeans on. The amount of comfort I felt on that day could not be matched by anything I have tried in the past. Something had changed these pants and frankly they were so comfy I didn't care. That night I go home to find an unpleasant site. Clothes were everywhere. It's as if there was a civil war between each section of clothing I have. And in the forefront of my room stood a single pair of pants, a button down shirt, and checkered boxers. It was weird but I didn't mind it since my jeans were so comfy. I realized I had done it. I have created the comfiest clothes in the world. Each victor comfier than the last. Each day I come home to a war scene of black socks vs striped, button shirts vs T's, dress pants vs jeans and checkered boxers vs polka dot. The fights somehow weed out the uncomfy ones but come the day after laundry day everyone has another chance that week and the process repeats itself. Some people think I'm crazy some people are jealous but I know that what I have is a miracle, a miracle of comfiness.

title: [MF] A Mircale of Comfiness

question: What causes the clothes to be scattered across the narrator's room?

answer: He had to choose which clothes to wear for work. He chose his favorite pair of jeans and they won the fight.

critique: The answer is not related to the question.

critique: The answer should mention that the narrator's clothes fight with each other after he chooses his favorite pair of jeans.

critique: Thus they were scattered after he chose to wear them

critique: The answer should mention the fights that happen between the clothes.

question: What prompted the narrator's clothes becoming animated?

answer: He was trying to create the perfect comfy clothing.

critique: The answer is incomplete. It should include the fact that he was trying to create the perfect comfy clothing by covering the clothes in mud and washing them for three days.

critique: The answer should mention the flash and glow.

critique: The answer should mention the green glow.


text:
This is my first time really attempting to write my own story. I posted it on /r/shortstorycritiques and as hoping /r/shortstories could give me some feedback too. I hope you enjoy it.

EDIT - minor fixes

Highway 99

It's past dusk. I'm southbound on Highway 99 and I have a speedometer to match it. The radio is spitting out some mix of Led Zeppelin and mariachi as static dances between the two. I turn the radio off. There's no comfort there, not tonight. All I can think about is her. The name Angie sneaks softly through my teeth as a quick smile creeps onto my face. It's a smile that lasts only a moment, already replaced by less comforting thoughts.

I found myself reflecting upon a fellow patron of the station I had stopped at earlier that night to refill on gas. As I waited in line to pay my dues while thinking about Angie my attention was abruptly averted to the man in front of me. Something wasn't right with him. He stood at the counter trying not to fall over while fumbling to find his wallet in the only back pocket left on his jeans. He had a bottle of gatorade and whatever cheap 40 oz of beer he had found at the register. He had no shirt, and had several scars scattered across his back. Where did he get those scars? What had he done? After what seemed to be minutes consumed of him searching that only pocket he finally realized his wallet wasn't there. Realizing his defeat he carefully shuffled around to face the door. He saw me. As he looked at me I looked right back at him, and I could see it. His eyes said it all; this wasn't his first failure, and it probably wouldn't be his last. I bought my fuel and filled the car's tank. Ready to go I looked up and saw the scarred man walking north. Where was he going? What would he find? Had he lost his Angie? Would he be on that lonely road if he still had her?

I step on the gas and watch the needle slowly work its way up, faltering slightly once it reaches 101mph as if it means to ask, "Are you sure about this, why are you in a rush?" I give it more, 104mph it says. Out here there's nothing but you, your thoughts, and a river of asphalt littered with other human beings encased in metal machines left to their own thoughts. Where am I going? Why am I rushing towards it? 107mph. What am I leaving behind. Am I running away from it? 108mph.

Billboards are a blur, and the other motorists now seem to be at a standstill compared to the speed I'm hitting. I can barely make out 70mph as I pass a speed sign screaming, "Slow down, be careful!" Speed doesn't matter, nothing except getting away matters right now. 111mph. I try to reassure myself that I'm just looking for the comfort of my bed, and that it'll make me feel better. I can't think if I'm asleep. 112mph. Just a little faster and nothing will catch up. Running is easier than facing these thoughts that weigh heavily on my conscience. None more troubling than the thought of Angie. 114mph. My fears, failures, and my ill transgressions will be behind me; a thing of the past. 115mph and the rev limiter kicks in. 99mph. The car groans as the needle drops. I can't run. There isn't a car fast enough nor a road long enough to outrun the things I've done. "I have to fix what I've done," I tell myself as I think of her again.

There's a sign off the side of the road, "Philip S. Raine Safety Roadside Rest Stop ahead," it says, "two miles." Who is this Philip Raine guy, and what did he do to get a couple of shitters, a snack machine, and a parking lot named after him. What makes him any different, I wonder. Did he have the same problems I did? Did he have an Angie as well? Did he hurt her? I decide to give Mr. Raine's rest stop a visit and pull off the 99.  I shake the idea that Mr. Raine and I might have anything in common. I need sleep and endless thoughts of Mr. Raine, the scarred man, or anything else won't bring me that. Tomorrow will be a long day, and the thought of her giving me another chance is just enough peace of mind so that I can sleep. It's dawn. I'm northbound on highway 99 and I have a speedometer to match it.

title: [NF] Highway 99

question: What does the story say about the narrator's route?

answer: The narrator thinks he's southbound on Highway 99. To tide himself over until he finds a place to rest, the narrator pulls over at the Philip S. Raine Safety Roadside Rest Stop, two miles down the road, to sleep.

critique: The narrator is driving southbound on Highway 99.

critique: The narrator is driving southbound on Highway 99. The answer should reflect this.

critique: The narrator is in a rush to get away from his thoughts, so he drives very fast.

critique: It is not stated that he makes the turn at the rest stop.

critique: The narrator doesn't pull over at the rest stop to sleep. He pulls over to think about his options and fix his errors.

critique: The narrator is not looking for a place to rest.

critique: The narrator is not looking for a place to rest; he is looking for a place to sleep.

critique: The narrator is driving northbound on Highway 99.

text: The answer should mention that after spending the night at Philip S. Raine Safety Roadside Rest Stop, he heads northbound on Highway 99.

refinement: The narrator thinks he's southbound on Highway 99. To tide himself over until he finds a place to rest, the narrator pulls over at the Philip S. Raine Safety Roadside Rest Stop, two miles down the road, to sleep.


text:
Tobias stayed a short while longer, but eventually restlessness hurried him out the door into the cold. He felt lazy, and content. He smiled at the people hurrying past him, they all looked so red and bundled and flustered. Why are they so flustered? Didn’t they know it would be cold today? The thought made him laugh, and as he laughed he saw a transformation on the river-like-flow of people’s faces, he saw them let go and smile at him, they smiled as if they had just remembered something fantastic. Tobias was struck by the contradiction. “Why are they smiling? I just mocked them in my mind, did I not? Is that why? Maybe they are sharing my mockery. Is everyone so full of confusion that they are constantly ready to laugh at themselves? Look, it is still happening. I smile, they smile. If only they knew what I was thinking. Perhaps they do, perhaps it gives them some sort of strange comfort! Have I not felt the same way many times? I say something foolish, and only after I was mocked did I realize what I said, and didn’t that make me smile, and laugh at myself? Didn’t it brighten the mood? Wait, what has happened to me, in that same situation, afterwards? Did I not go home and curse myself for speaking like an idiot, and curse those who pointed out I was speaking idiotically? Oh no, is that happening to the people I laugh at right now? Do they leave my presence happy, and later hate themselves for fretting the cold, and hate me for smiling at their fretting? They must. Or perhaps, oh no, perhaps they do see me laughing at them, and perhaps they laugh at that, at me. Maybe they give so little value to my enjoyment that they laugh at it. Those heartless… Wait, why should they give it value? I’m laughing at them… aren’t I? Am I? I must be, I must be…” Tobias dropped his eyes and looked at the sidewalk before him. He turned towards his house, frowning now, feeling very cold. “Am I mocking them? Do they mock me for mocking them? Are people truly that confident? No, I think not. They are stupid, as stupid as I. They don’t know what they laugh at, they only mimic my face, like sheep. They mimic because they are scared, scared that they are doing something wrong, and seeing a smiling face reminds them they are acting foolishly. A smiling face reminds them of their shortcomings, and they cover up those shortcomings with a smile, a hideous, scared, sad smile.” As he walked down the street towards his home outside of the inner city, he got colder and colder. No longer were people smiling, no longer was Tobias smiling. He passed a restaurant, and saw a man leaving, all bundled up and red in the face, who bellowed “Why is it so damn cold!”, and those he were with laughed and spoke freely. There was something oddly familiar about that man and the laughter of his company. Tobias tried to place what it was… But he could not. He only stared emptily at the man, who was now beating his hands against his chest and jumping up and down. For the rest of the walk home, Tobias thought of the time when he had offered a hot dog to a man who appeared to be homeless, and the man slapped it out of his hands and asked who he thought he was. Tobias was sobbing by the time he opened his front door.

Danna too had left the sandwich shop smiling. She thought of her trip to Brazil, and of what she was going to tell Tobias about it, next time they met. She wondered when that time would be. “I hope it’s soon,” she thought, then stopped herself. “He probably talks to tons of girls at sandwich shops. But maybe he doesn’t.” She started walking to the bus station. “He’s different… He’s so strange. That’s why I like him. The way he looked at me at first, did I imagine that look? He did not appear to be checking me out, physically, yet he certainly seemed interested in me… and then the way he spoke to me… effortlessly, he’s certainly charismatic, sincere too… hmm. I don’t know. I like him. Even though he’s strange, no, because he’s strange, I like him.” She did not have to wait long for her bus. She put on headphones and every song sounded the way it was supposed to.

Tobias and Danna dated for a few months before Tobias broke things off. He told her she was assuming things of him, she denied any such thing. She writhed curtains in her hand as she watched him drive away. She felt like the burnt end of a knot.

title: [RO-RF] Classic Tobias

question: What does the text say about mocking people?

answer: Tobias mocks people in his head, but he is not sure if they are mocking him for mocking them. He thinks that people are mocking him for mocking them. He thinks that people are mocking him for mocking them because they are scared and they are trying to cover up their shortcomings with a smile.

critique: The answer should mention that Tobias thinks people are mocking him for mocking them because they are scared.

critique: It is omitted that Tobias believes that people are mocking him for mocking them.

critique: The answer should mention that Tobias believes that people mock him for mocking them.

critique: The answer does not make sense and should be rewritten.

text: It is repetitive. The first two sentences should ve deleted.

question: Summarize how Tobias feels about himself.

answer: Tobias feels like he is a hypocrite, mocking people for their shortcomings, but then hating himself for the same things. He feels like he is a stupid person, and that people are only mocking him for mocking them.

critique: The answer is a bit confusing. It should be rewritten.

critique: Tobias doesn't feel like he is a hypocrite. He feels like he is an idiot.

critique: This is not quite accurate. Tobias doesn't think he is a hypocrite, he thinks everyone else is.

critique: The answer should mention that Tobias also feels like people are mocking him for mocking them.

critique: The answer should mention that Tobias is also self-critical.

critique: "He feels like he is a stupid person, and that people are only mocking him for mocking them" isn't a part of this sentiment. This should be omitted to save space.

critique: It is omitted that Tobias also feels like he is a hypocrite.

question: Summarize how Danna feels about Tobias.

answer: Danna has a crush on Tobias. She thinks he's charismatic and sincere. She's also interested in the way he looks at her.

question: What does the story say about Tobias's thoughts on dating?

answer: He met Danna at a sandwich shop and seemed interested because he didn't appear to be physically checking her out, and he talked to her effortlessly. He also seemed sincere. They dated for a few months before Tobias broke things off, but it is not stated what the reason was. Tobias thought Danna was assuming things about him.

critique: The answer should mention that Tobias broke things off because he thought Danna was assuming things about him.

critique: The answer should mention that Tobias broke things off with Danna.

text: It should be 'yet' instead of 'because' in the first sentence.


text:
I am locked inside, imprisoned from a world I wish to discover, held captive by blood. Mountains of text and words barricade the path, and shackles of authority bind me to my cell. Windows close their eyes, blinded by a dim light that shadows dare to touch as time stands still, scribing years of solitude. Piercing pains grip my hand, struggling to write myself free, eyes dash around, desperate to replenish their colour, seeking salvation from the black and white hell. Ears evolve and adapt, adjusted to seize the slightest sound, only to be teased by the melody of silence.

I close my eyes, allowing darkness to shroud my mind. Tension magnifies, building a vice, gradually crushing my head. Legs of stallions race against my skull, conceiving earthquakes that ripple along the surface as veins drown in a relentless pulse, like a countdown to an explosion. Eye lids slowly rise, like curtains, lifting a blanket of darkness, inviting a flicker of light that penetrates the corner of my sight, causing my torso to pivot violently, like a predator hunting its prey, acting on instinct.

A handle smiles, its gleam so seductive, enticing me to touch. I raise my hand, clutching its cold metal skin, turning my wrist mindlessly. Hinges scream as light slowly intrudes, scaring the shadows and flooding the floor. I look for the source and find a television, shouting through the living room, painting pictures of blood, its crimson curse smeared over the streets, people howling and squealing, tears leaking like waterfalls, drowning in misery, attempting to wash the sorrow, with fear stitched into wounds and the glistening lights of the city lost under the wings of eclipse.

Visions of what I could encounter. The dangers, even the illuminating shine of justice’s medal cannot stop, tainted with the blood of innocence. Documentaries of cities, illustrating their magnificence, while having neglect for the poor, propel puncturing wounds that shred my humanity, victims of the night, feasting on their body heat as they mourn over isolation, only to be comforted by a street lamp that donates a golden coat upon their back, revealing valleys of shadows along their body and the imprisoned bones that try to escape, strangled by skin.

Leaving my room, I felt freedom, its sweet taste striking my heart like a heavy drum, echoing throughout my body, ricocheting to every muscle. Yet I was afraid. Afraid of what I had witnessed, afraid of consequences, the judgement I would receive if I were to be caught, an eternal sentence, stretching time itself. Sweat began to crawl down my face, creating rivers, alarming the hairs on my body to flee, left standing on ends, anchored and trapped by goose bumps. A drop of sweat leaped off the edge of my chin, shattering on the ground, a guillotine, severing the heart beats, silencing the drums.

Soft voices drag me towards them, like a marionette, unable to control my movements. I stop before two sets of eyes, their bitter gaze condemn my soul. Immobilised, frightened, too scared to run. Thousands of words can be heard being bashed into my ears, but not a word was said. The suffocating pressure locked and tightened every limb, trapping a breath of air that twisted my lungs with every second. I cringed in anticipation.

Delicate arms wrapped around me, followed by two adamant pillars. Their warmth became embedded into my body, releasing the strings and thoughts, creating an empty vessel. My muscles relaxed, dropping their weight like a feather, ready to dance with the wind, held to the ground by the warm embrace. I felt light.

The purpose of my confinement came clear, and with it the lost feeling that I learnt to forget, crippling my emotions and posture, bestowing tears that quenched the thirst of my desert brown eyes, the realisation of what I was a part of, the protection I was too blind to see, a mother, a father, a family that loved.

I am locked inside, protected from a world I wish to discover.

title: Locked Inside

question: Summarize the main source of tension in the story.

answer: The protagonist has to choose whether to leave their unit, to either experience the violence and injustice of the outside world or to return to the safety of the loving embrace of the domestic environment. They choose to leave, without the knowledge that the world outside is stunningly and horrifyingly awful, full of atrocities and crime. The protagonist also has the complication that their family has every reason to be able to find them if they manage to step outside their locked home, no matter where they flee to.

critique: The response contains inaccurate information.

critique: "The protagonist also has the complication that their family has every reason to be able to find them if they manage to step outside their locked home, no matter where they flee to." - this is irrelevant and should be removed.

text: The response should make it clear that the protagonist is being held by parents who only wish to protect him/her.

category: accuracy

question: Summarize what the story says about this family unit.

answer: The narrator is locked inside their room. They are afraid of the outside world and the dangers they could encounter. They are afraid of the consequences and judgement they would receive if they were caught. They are also afraid of being separated from their family. The narrator is a part of a family unit and they are protected from the outside world.

critique: The narrator is not afraid of being separated from their family.

question: Summarize how the main character changes over the story.

answer: The main character is locked inside their room, and they are unable to leave. They are afraid of the outside world and what they might encounter. They are afraid of the consequences and judgement they would receive if they were to be caught. They are immobilized by fear. When their parents come to hug them, they feel light and are ready to dance with the wind.

critique: The answer should mention that the main character is afraid of the outside world because of the things they have seen on TV.

critique: "The main character is locked inside their room, and they are unable to leave. They are afraid of the outside world and what they might encounter. They are afraid of the consequences and judgement they would receive if they were to be caught. They are immobilized by fear. When their parents come to hug them, they feel light and are ready to dance with the wind." - this is incorrect. The main character is a boy who is locked in his room by his parents because they fear the outside world.

critique: The answer omits that the main character is afraid of their parents.

text: The answer should include that the narrator was determined to get out at first and made it outside their room.

question: Summarize all the information relating to the mother and father in the story.

answer: The story mentions a mother and father. The mother's warmth becomes embedded in the narrator's body. The mother is the one who protects the narrator from a world they wish to discover.

critique: The answer should mention the narrator's realization that he is being protected.

text: "The mother's warmth becomes embedded in the narrator's body. The mother is the one who protects the narrator from a world they wish to discover." - this is inaccurate. Both parents formed pillars and gave the narrator warmth and protection.